Here’s Jessica Simpson to help get us into the Christmas spirit! I don’t know if I’m going to get any snow in December but I’ll take some rain and some moderately cold weather. I love the holidays no matter what the weather may be.
Enjoy!
Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman
Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.11 “Dust Child”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week, Jonathan offers up some clues about his past.
Episode 1.11 “Dust Child”
(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on November 28th, 1984)
Mark and Jonathan’s latest mission finds them in a small California town. It seems like a nice and welcoming community …. or, at least, it does if you’re an American. If you are one of the many refugees from Vietnam who have recently settled in the town, it’s a far less welcoming place.
When Mark goes into a gas station, he witnesses the owner refusing to give change to two Vietnamese kids. When Mark demands to know why, he’s told that the refugees are coming over and stealing everyone’s jobs.
“It’s a sickness worse than the plague,” Jonathan later says, “But the cure is in every one of us …. love!” And that may sound a bit simplistic but Michael Landon delivers the line with such conviction that he totally makes it work.
Working as house painters, Jonathan and Mark get a job remodeling the home of Richard Gaines (James Whitmore, Jr.), a Vietnam vet who has just discovered that, as the result of a wartime romance, he has a daughter named Nguyen (Denice Kumagai). 15 year-old Nguyen comes over to America to live with Richard and his wife (Jenny Sullivan) and his teenage son, Brad Gaines (Billy Jacoby). From the minute she arrives in the town, Nguyen finds herself facing prejudice. The other kids at school taunt her with derogatory slurs. Brad resents both the attention that Nguyen gets and the fact that his best friend, Larry (K.C. Martel), now refuses to talk to Brad because Larry’s father was killed while serving in Vietnam.
Eventually, Jonathan introduces himself to Larry and we discover a little bit about who Jonathan was before he became an angel. Jonathan says that he served in Vietnam with Larry’s father and he goes on to explain that Larry’s father died while protecting a group of South Vietnamese orphans from the Viet Cong. As Jonathan explains it, Larry’s father viewed the orphans as his own children. That’s all it takes for both Larry and Brad to see the errors of their ways and to welcome Nguyen into the neighborhood.
(Is Jonathan telling the truth about serving in Vietnam with Larry’s father? Jonathan’s an angel so I assume that he is. That, of course, means that this episode’s mission was not to help Nguyen feel at home in America but instead to help Larry overcome his own prejudice.)
As Jonathan and Mark prepare to leave for their next assignment, two kids on bicycles ride by and shout a slur at Nguyen. They immediately fall of their bicycles and, when they try to get back on, they fall off yet again. Mark laughs and says that God probably won’t object to Jonathan making that happen. Of course, if Mark read about what happened to the Canaanites, he would know those two kids got off easy.
Especially when compared to last week’s odd episode, this was an admirably straight-forward episode. There weren’t any great surprises to how the story unfolded but the story was told with such obvious sincerity that it worked. It can be easy to laugh at this show’s lack of subtlety but, in an episode like this, the lack of subtlety worked to the show’s advantage. Personally, I’ve gotten so used to snarky entertainment that it can be a bit of a pleasant surprise to watch something like this that is totally earnest and well-intentioned. This was a heartfelt episode and, in its old-fashioned way, it still holds up today.
Here’s The Trailer For Handling The Undead
Handling the Undead may be a zombie film but, as it’s based on a novel from the author of Let The Right One In, I think it is safe to assume that it will hardly tell a standard story of the undead.
The film will be premiering at Sundance in January. Watch the trailer below!
Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.10 “Do You Take This Ghost?”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, Jennifer wants to get married!
Episode 1.10 “Do You Take This Ghost?”
(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on April 21st, 1984)
George is super-excited because Susan and his anniversary is coming up. (Awwwww! George is being sweet and romantic. That kind of goes against everything that has been previously established about his character but whatever. Let’s go with it.) George says that he and Susan are going to celebrate by renewing their vows. He’s even called the minister who performed their wedding to come do it again. The ceremony will be held in the house because another set would cost money.
Hearing all of this, Jennifer starts to feel sad that she never had a traditional marriage when she was alive. Fortunately, her ex-boyfriend, film star Doug Chadwick (Warwick Sims), has just died. His ghost materializes in the house and soon, he and Jennifer are a couple again. Jennifer and Doug decide to get married at the same time that George and Susan are going to renew their vows. Joey can act as the best man for both ceremonies!
Can you see where this is heading?
Joey discovers that, even as a ghost, Doug Chadwick has issues with staying faithful. While Jennifer plans out her wedding, Doug is sleeping with other ghosts. He even loses the wedding ring while carousing in a hot tub. (Ghosts in a hot tub? I mean, I guess that could happen….) At the ceremony, Joey tells Jennifer that she can do better than Doug. Of course, since George and Susan are renewing their vows, they think that Joey is talking about them. They assure Joey that they love each other. Joey tells them that he knows they love each other because his father is not the type who would ever cheat on the woman that he loves or lose his wedding ring in a hot tub. Jennifer takes Joey’s words to heart and calls off her ghost wedding.
This was an okay episode. If I don’t sound too enthusiastic, it’s because I’m a bit exhausted with how every joke is basically Joey saying something to someone no one else can see and everyone responding by rolling their eyes. I mean, after ten episodes of thinking that their son has been having loud arguments with himself, you have to wonder why his parents aren’t trying to do more to discover what the problem is.
My main issue with this episode is that, with all the good men who have died through history, why would Jennifer settle for a guy who, by her own admission, didn’t really treat her that well when they were alive? I mean, Jennifer could marry James Buchanan or maybe Martin Van Buren. Don’t settle, Jennifer! Of course, that’s kind of the same thing that Joey told her so I guess I have to give him some credit for that. As always, Ann Jillian was great as Jennifer and John P. Navin, Jr. did his best with Joey (who is a rather inconsistently written character) but this episode just never worked as well as it could have. The idea of Jennifer having a ghost wedding had potential but this episode just kind of fell flat.
Here Are The 2023 Astra Nominations!
The Astra Awards used to known as the HCA Awards but the name was changed this year for reasons unknown. At first, I thought they had named the awards after the dog from The Thin Man but then I remembered that dog was actually named Asta.
(Seriously, folks, don’t rename stuff. It’s confusing! I’m still getting used to twitter being called X.)
Anyway, here are the 2023 Astra nominees. There’s a lot of them, which I like. (They give out a lot of awards that the Academy does not.) While these awards, whether you call the HCA Awards or the Astra Awards, are not exactly the best Oscar precursors in the world, every bit helps when it comes to building momentum for Academy recognition.
Best Picture
“Air” (Amazon MGM Studios)
“American Fiction” (Orion Pictures / Amazon MGM Studios)
“Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
“Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
“Maestro” (Netflix)
“Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
“Past Lives” (A24)
“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
Best Director
Alexander Payne – “The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
Ben Affleck – “Air” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Bradley Cooper – “Maestro” (Netflix)
Celine Song – “Past Lives” (A24)
Christopher Nolan – “Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
Cord Jefferson – “American Fiction” (Orion Pictures / Amazon MGM Studios)
Emerald Fennell – “Saltburn” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Greta Gerwig – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Martin Scorsese – “Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
Yorgos Lanthimos – “Poor Things” (Searchlight Pictures)
Best Actress
Carey Mulligan – “Maestro” (Netflix)
Emma Stone – “Poor Things” (Searchlight Pictures)
Fantasia Barrino – “The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Greta Lee – “Past Lives” (A24)
Lily Gladstone – “Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
Margot Robbie – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Best Actor
Barry Keoghan – “Saltburn” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Bradley Cooper – “Maestro” (Netflix)
Cillian Murphy – “Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
Colman Domingo – “Rustin” (Netflix)
Jeffrey Wright – “American Fiction” (Orion Pictures / Amazon MGM Studios)
Paul Giamatti – “The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
Best Supporting Actress
America Ferrera – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Danielle Brooks – “The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Da’Vine Joy Randolph – “The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
Julianne Moore – “May December” (Netflix)
Rachel McAdams – “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” (Lionsgate)
Viola Davis – “Air” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Best Supporting Actor
Charles Melton – “May December” (Netflix)
Colman Domingo – “The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Dominic Sessa – “The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
Glenn Howerton – “BlackBerry” (IFC Films)
Robert Downey Jr. – “Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
Ryan Gosling – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Best Cast Ensemble
“Air” (Amazon MGM Studios)
“Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
“Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
“The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
Best International Feature
“Anatomy of a Fall” (France)
“Concrete Utopia” (South Korea)
“Fallen Leaves” (Finland)
“Jawan” (India)
“Perfect Days” (Japan)
“Radical” (Mexico)
“Society of the Snow” (Spain)
“The Taste of Things” (France)
“The Teacher’s Lounge” (Germany)
“The Zone of Interest” (United Kingdom)
Best International Filmmaker
Hayao Miyazaki – “The Boy and The Heron” (GKids)
J.A Bayona – “Society of the Snow” (Netflix)
Jonathan Glazer – “The Zone of Interest” (A24)
Justine Triet – “Anatomy of a Fall” (NEON)
Trần Anh Hùng – “The Taste of Things” (IFC Films)
Wim Wenders – “Perfect Days” (NEON)
Best International Actress
Alma Pöysti – “Fallen Leaves” (MUBI)
Juliette Binoche – “The Taste of Things” (IFC Films)
Layla Mohammadi – “The Persian Version” (Sony Pictures Classics)
Leonie Benesch – “The Teacher’s Lounge” (Sony Pictures Classics)
Sandra Hüller – “Anatomy of a Fall” (NEON)
Roberta Colindrez – “Cassandro” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Best International Actor
Christian Friedel – “The Zone of Interest” (A24)
Enzo Vogrincic – “Society of the Snow” (Netflix)
Eugenio Derbez – “Radical” (Pantelion Films)
Gael García Bernal – “Cassandro” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Koji Yakusho – “Perfect Days” (NEON)
Mads Mikkelsen – “The Promised Land” (Magnolia Pictures)
Best First Feature
A.V. Rockwell – “A Thousand and One” (Focus Features)
Adele Lim – “Joy Ride” (Lionsgate)
Celine Song – “Past Lives” (A24)
Chloe Domont – “Fair Play” (Netflix)
Cord Jefferson – “American Fiction” (Orion Pictures / Amazon MGM Studios)
Michael B. Jordan – “Creed III” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Best Animated Feature
“The Boy and The Heron” (GKids)
“Elemental” (Disney/Pixar)
“Nimona” (Netflix)
“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
“Suzume” (Sony Pictures/Crunchyroll)
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem” (Paramount Pictures)
Best Documentary Feature
“20 Days in Mariupol” (PBS Distribution)
“American Symphony” (Netflix)
“Beyond Utopia” (Roadside Attractions)
“Little Richard: I Am Everything” (Magnolia Pictures)
“Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie” (Apple Original Films)
“Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour” (AMC Theatres Distribution)
Best Action Feature
“Creed III” (Amazon/MGM Studios)
“Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves” (Paramount Pictures)
“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” (Disney/Marvel)
“John Wick: Chapter 4” (Lionsgate)
“Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One” (Paramount Pictures)
“The Killer” (Netflix)
Best Comedy Feature
“Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” (Lionsgate)
“BlackBerry” (IFC Films)
“Bottoms” (Orion Pictures / Amazon MGM Studios)
“Joy Ride” (Lionsgate)
“No Hard Feelings” (20th Century Fox)
“Theater Camp” (Searchlight Pictures)
Best Horror Feature
“Evil Dead Rise” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“Knock at the Cabin” (Universal Pictures)
“M3GAN” (Universal Pictures)
“No One Will Save You” (20th Century Studios / Hulu)
“Scream VI” (Paramount Pictures)
“Talk To Me” (A24)
Best Short Film
“The ABCs of Book Banning” (MTV Documentary Films)
“The After” (Netflix)
“The Last Repair Shop” (Searchlight Pictures)
“Once Upon A Studio” (Disney)
“Strange Way of Life” (Sony Pictures Classics)
“The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar” (Netflix)
Best Voice-Over Performance
Ariana DeBose – “Wish” (Walt Disney Studios)
Bradley Cooper – “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” (Disney/Marvel)
Daniel Kaluuya – “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
Hailee Steinfeld – “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
Jack Black – “The Super Mario Bros Movie” (Universal Pictures)
Shameik Moore – “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
Best Original Screenplay
“Air” – Written by Alex Convery (Amazon MGM Studios)
“Anatomy of a Fall” – Written by Justine Triet & Arthur Harari (NEON)
“Barbie” – Written by Greta Gerwig & Noah Baumbach (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“Past Lives” – Written by Celine Song (A24)
“Saltburn” – Written by Emerald Fennell (Amazon/MGM Studios)
“The Holdovers” – Written by David Hemingson (Focus Features)
Best Adapted Screenplay
“American Fiction” – Screenplay by Cord Jefferson (Orion Pictures / Amazon MGM Studios)
“Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” – Screenplay by Kelly Fremon Craig (Lionsgate)
“Killers of the Flower Moon” – Screenplay by Eric Roth & Martin Scorsese (Apple Original Films)
“Oppenheimer” – Screenplay by Christopher Nolan (Universal Pictures)
“Poor Things” – Screenplay by Tony McNamara (Searchlight Pictures)
“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” – Screenplay by Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, Dave Callaham (Sony Pictures)
Best Casting
Mary Vernieu & Lindsay Graham Ahanonu – “Air” (Amazon/MGM Studios)
Jennifer Euston – “American Fiction” (Orion Pictures / Amazon MGM Studios)
Allison Jones & Lucy Bevan – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
John Papsidera – “Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
Bernard Telsey, Tiffany Little Canfield, and Destiny Lilly – “The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Susan Shopmaker – “The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
Best Cinematography
Dan Laustsen – “John Wick: Chapter 4” (Lionsgate)
Rodrigo Prieto – “Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
Matthew Libatique – “Maestro” (Netflix)
Hoyte van Hoytema – “Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
Robbie Ryan – “Poor Things” (Searchlight Pictures)
Linus Sandgren – “Saltburn” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Best Costume Design
Jacqueline Durran – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Oliver García – “Chevalier” (Searchlight Pictures)
Judianna Makovsky – “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” (Disney/Marvel)
Jacqueline West – “Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
Holly Waddington – “Poor Things” (Searchlight Pictures)
Francine Jamison-Tanchuck – “The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Best Editing
Laurent Sénéchal – “Anatomy of a Fall” (NEON)
Nathan Orloff – “John Wick: Chapter 4” (Lionsgate)
Thelma Schoonmaker – “Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
Jennifer Lame – “Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
Michael Andrews – “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
Kevin Tent – “The Holdovers” (Focus Features)
Best Hair and Make-Up
Nick Houy – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Ryo Murakawa – “Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves” (Paramount Pictures)
Cassie Russek and Alexei Dmitriew – “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” (Disney/Marvel)
Kazu Hiro, Sian Grigg, Kay Georgiou, and Lori McCoy-Bell – “Maestro” (Netflix)
Nadia Stacey – “Poor Things” (Searchlight Pictures)
Carol Rasheed, Saisha Beecham, Lawrence Davis, and Tym Wallace – “The Color Purple” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Best Original Song
“Camp Isn’t Home” from “Theater Camp” – Written by Ben Platt, Noah Galvin, Molly Gordon, Nick Lieberman, and Mark Sonnenblick – Performed by Ben Platt, Molly Gordon, Noah Galvin, Alexander Bello, Bailee Bonick, Donovan Colan, Jack Sobolewski, Kyndra Sanchez, Luke Islam, Madisen Lora and Quinn Titcomb (Searchlight Pictures)
“Dance the Night” from “Barbie” – Written by Mark Ronson, Andrew Wyatt, Dua Lipa, and Caroline Ailin – Performed By Dua Lipa (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“I’m Just Ken” from “Barbie” – Written by Mark Ronson and Andrew Wyatt – Performed by Ryan Gosling (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“Peaches” from “The Super Mario Bros Movie” – Written by Jack Black, Aaron Horvath, Michael Jelenic, Eric Osmond, and John Spiker – Performed by Jack Black (Universal Pictures)
“This Wish” from “Wish” – Written by Julia Michaels, Benjamin Rice, and JP Saxe – Performed by Ariana DeBose (Disney)
“What Was I Made For?” from “Barbie” – Written By Billie Eilish O’Connell and Finneas O’Connell – Performed by Billie Eilish (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Best Production Design
Adam Stockhausen – “Asteroid City” (Focus Features)
Sarah Greenwood & Katie Spencer – “Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Jack Fisk & Adam Willis – “Killers of the Flower Moon” (Apple Original Films)
Ruth De Jong – “Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
James Price & Shona Heath – “Poor Things” (Searchlight Pictures)
Suzie Davies & Charlotte Dirickx – “Saltburn” (Amazon MGM Studios)
Best Publicity Campaign
“Barbie” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
“John Wick: Chapter 4” (Lionsgate)
“M3GAN” (Universal Pictures)
“Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
“The Super Mario Bros Movie” (Universal Pictures)
“Wonka” (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Best Score
“Elemental” – Thomas Newman (Disney/Pixar)
“Killers of the Flower Moon” – Robbie Robertson (Apple Original Films)
“Oppenheimer” – Ludwig Göransson (Universal Pictures)
“Poor Things” – Jerskin Fendrix (Searchlight Pictures)
“Saltburn” – Anthony Willis (Amazon MGM Studios)
“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” – Daniel Pemberton (Sony Pictures)
Best Sound
“Ferrari” (NEON)
“John Wick: Chapter 4” (Lionsgate)
“Maestro” (Netflix)
“Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
“The Killer” (Netflix)
Best Stunts
“Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves” (Paramount Pictures)
“Fast X” (Universal Pictures)
“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” (Disney/Marvel)
“John Wick: Chapter 4” (Lionsgate)
“Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One” (Paramount Pictures)
“Polite Society” (Focus Features)
Best Visual Effects
“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” (Disney/Marvel)
“Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One” (Paramount Pictures)
“Oppenheimer” (Universal Pictures)
“Poor Things” (Searchlight Pictures)
“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (Sony Pictures)
“The Creator” (20th Century Studios)
The AFI Announces Their Top Ten of 2023
Today, the American Film Institute announced their picks for the top ten American films of 2023!
As far as Oscar precursors are concerned, the AFI is one the stronger ones. While it’s rare that the AFI list ever lines up 100% with the year’s Best Picture nominees, the majority of the AFI’s pick do tend to get nominated. Usually, 7 or 8 of the Best Picture nominees also show up on the AFI list. This year, I wouldn’t be surprised if 9 of the films on the AFI list were nominated.
(Actually, it could even be ten depending on whether the Academy is willing to nominate an animated film about a comic book character. That said, it should also be noted that Anatomy of a Fall and The Zone of Interest, both being international productions, were not eligible to be included in the AFI’s Top 10.)
Here’s the AFI’s picks:
AFI Top 10 Films Of The Year
American Fiction (MGM)
Barbie (Warner Bros.)
The Holdovers (Focus Features)
Killers of the Flower Moon (Apple Original Films/Paramount Pictures)
Maestro (Netflix)
May December (Netflix)
Oppenheimer (Universal Pictures)
Past Lives (A24)
Poor Things (Searchlight Pictures)
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Sony Pictures)
AFI Top 10 Television Programs Of The Year
Abbott Elementary (ABC)
The Bear (FX)
Beef (Netflix)
Jury Duty (Amazon Freevee)
The Last of Us (Max)
The Morning Show (Apple TV+)
Only Murders in the Building (Hulu)
Poker Face (Peacock)
Reservation Dogs (FX)
Succession (Max)
Music Video of the Day: Crush by Maria Tomba (2023, dir by Byron Rosero)
Judging from this video, someone has a crush that is not going to end well.
Enjoy!
Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.10 “Pillow Talk”
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.
Tonight, a bed demands to be fed.
Episode 1.10 “Pillow Talk”
(Dir by David Odell, originally aired on December 24th, 1988)
Miles Magnus (John Diehl) is one of the most successful horror authors in the world, writing best seller after best seller. All of his books seem to involve a “master” who forces other people to do something terrible. This episode opens with Miles bringing home his date, Barbara (Ruth de Sosa), and immediately taking her to his bedroom.
Barbara is impressed, especially with the fact that Miles keeps all of his books in his bedroom. Miles is more interested in pointing out his rather large bed. Miles tells her that, like Marcel Proust, he does all of his writing in bed. Barbara’s reaction indicates that she’s not sure exactly who Marcel Proust is. Despite the fact that Miles is kind of awkward and geeky, it’s not long before Barbara has stripped down to her underwear, rolled around on the bed, and invited Miles to join her.
Then the bed eats her.
Seriously. The mattress opens up like a mouth and two rather phallic tentacles wrap around Barbara and pull her into the gaping hole. All that’s left behind are her high heels because, apparently, the bed does not like shoes.
It turns out that Miles has been using the old trick of writing about what you know. Miles does have a master and it’s his bed. Of course, the bed itself is possessed by a creature that Miles describes as being the last of “the Great Old Ones.” So, Miles’s bed is possessed by Cthulhu?
The next night, Miles brings home another woman. Vicki (Mary Woronov) is a writer herself. She writes romance novels and she tells Miles that she feels as if they are kindred spirits because her novels also often feature a master/servant relationship. Miles tries to maneuver Vicki over to the bed but, instead, Vicki finds Miles’s diary and leaves with it.
Vicki later calls Miles and tells him that she hasn’t been able to put down his diary, which she apparently believes to be a rough draft of his newest novel. She invites him over to her apartment so they can discuss it. Mostly wanting to get back his diary so his secrets are not revealed, Miles goes over to Vicki’s place. Vicki says that she thinks they should collaborate on a new novel and more. After checking to make sure that Vicki’s bed is not alive, Miles agrees.
Ha! The joke’s on Miles. Vicki’s bed may not eat people but her refrigerator does! When Miles gets a beer, he’s dragged into the refrigerator by a familiar set of tentacles and only his shoes are left behind. Cthulhu really does not like footwear!
This was an enjoyable piece of Lovecraftian-style whimsy, with John Diehl giving an effectively jittery performance and Mary Woronov stealing the entire episode with her more cool and icy turn as the femme fatale, Vicki. Just as being confined to bed gave Proust the time to perfect his talent, having to feed his bed has made Miles into both a successful author and a mental wreck. More than just being a show about a bed that eats people, this is also a story about the isolation of being an artist. In order to keep his talent and inspiration from fading, Miles has to literally destroy every human relationship that he has. He can blame it on Cthulhu all the he wants but, in the end, Miles is the one who made his bed and must now sleep in it.
Film Review: Cop (dir by James B. Harris)
First released in 1988, Cop stars James Woods as Lloyd Hopkins, a homicide detective who does not …. wait for it …. GO BY THE BOOK!
Actually, has there ever been a movie about a homicide detective who always made sure to go by the book? I’m sure there has been but I really can’t think of any off the top of my head. Whenever a homicide detective shows up as the main character of a movie, you can be sure that he’s going to drink too much, carouse too much, and get yelled at by his superiors. If the movie involves a serial killer, you can be sure that the detective and the killer are going to be mirror images of each other, two renegades who have found differing ways to work out their issues with the world.
As much as we talk about the cliché of the cop who does it his way, would we really want to see a movie about a cop who plays by the rules? I mean, most people dread having to deal with cops. It’s not just that cops usually bring bad news. It’s also that dealing with a cop means having to spend a lot of time while they slowly and methodically go through all of their procedures. There have been so many times that I’ve been pulled over speeding and I’ve just wanted to yell, “Just write the ticket!” Most people agree that we need some sort of police force, regardless of what the Defund folks say. But most people also hate following the rules, especially when those rules feel rather arbitrary. That’s the appeal of the renegade cop. The renegade cop fills a purpose in society but, at the same time, he dislikes dealing with all of the usual cop nonsense as much as the rest of us.
As for Lloyd Hopkins, he’s hyperactive, jittery, sleazy, and a terrible father and husband. He cheats on his wife. He tells his daughter all about the gory details of his job. (His daughter, it should be noted, seems to enjoy hearing them.) He obsesses on the crimes that he investigates and he pursues murderers with a fanaticism that suggests that Lloyd knows that he’s just one bad life choice away from becoming one of them himself. (And, indeed, Lloyd kills quite a few people over the course of Cop, even allowing one person to get into another room and get a shotgun just so Lloyd will have an excuse to shoot him.) Lloyd is someone who is dangerous to know but, at the same time, he’s also probably the only person who can stop the killer who is seemingly committing random murders in Los Angeles.
The plot is typical of films about obsessive detectives pursuing faceless killers but Cop stands out due to the director of James B. Harris and the lead performance of James Woods. Harris creates an atmosphere of continual unease, one in which the viewers gets the feeling that anyone could become the killer’s next victim at any moment. James Woods, meanwhile, plays Lloyd as being a live wire, someone who simply cannot stop thinking and talking because he knows that the minute he does, he’s going to have to take a serious look at the wreck of his life and his own less-than-stable behavior. Lloyd may be a self-destructive bastard but he’s a compelling self-destructive bastard and, in this film’s version of Los Angeles, he’s about as close as one can get to avenging angel. The film is full of good actors, like Charles Durning, Lesley Ann Warren, and Raymond J. Barry, but it is ultimately James Woods’s show. Lloyd gets the film’s final line and it’s a killer but it works because, by the time he utters it, the viewer feels as if they have gotten to know Lloyd.
Cop is based on Blood on the Moon, a novel by James Ellroy. I have not read that novel so I don’t know how closely Cop sticks to Ellroy’s original plot. Nor do I know how James Ellroy felt about Cop, which was the first movie to be based on his work. That said, Ellroy’s writing and Harris’s film share a dark vision of humanity and a subversive sense of humor. Ellroy has often declared himself to be the world’s great crime novelist and, from what I’ve read of his work, I would tend to agree. Cop is certainly not the greatest crime movie ever made (nor is it the best film to ever be adapted from Ellroy’s writing) but it’s still pretty damn good.
Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
This week, the Pacific Princess continues to be a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Episode 3.20 “Rent a Romeo/Matchmaker, Matchmaker/Y’ Gotta Have Heart”
(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)
It’s time for another cruise on the Love Boat and once again, Doc Bricker is trying to get laid.
As I’ve often said in the past, The Pacific Princess really was a floating HR nightmare and that’s especially clear in any episode that opens with Doc bragging about how his latest girlfriend is about to board the ship. This time, Doc is excited because he’s going to be joined by Sherry Holtham (Misty Rowe), who apparently took an acting class with Doc. Imagine Doc’s surprise when Sherry boards the ship with her sister, the insecure and recently dumped Carol (Vicki Lawrence)!
Doc desperately wants some alone time with Sherry but, in order for that to happen, he’s going to have to find someone to show Carol a good time. Gopher turns Doc down. The Captain turns Doc down. Fortunately, however, there is a legendary swinger on the boat. Rod Baylor (football star Joe Namath) is on the boat and he’s always looking for a good time! Gopher lies and tells Rod that Carol is notorious for being wild. Rod takes a shot….
….and gets turned down because he came on too strong. Gopher suggests that Rod open up to her about his insecurities. Rod doesn’t have any insecurities but he lies to Carol and tells her that he’s actually very shy and reserved. Carol is sympathetic and gives Rod her therapist’s card.
I guess the important thing here is that Sherry and Doc got to spend some time together. They even get to wear matching red kimonos! At the end of the cruise, Doc says a cheerful goodbye to Sherry but Rod is stuck with Carol and he looks absolutely miserable about it so …. wow, that was kind of a mean-spirited story, to be honest.
Speaking of sex, Sarah Conkle (Brett Somers) refuses to have sex with her husband, Harvey (Phil Harris), because she’s worried he’ll have another heart attack and die. In fact, she spends almost the entire cruise telling Harvey not to do anything because she doesn’t think he’s healthy enough. Finally, Harvey takes two bottle of champagne down to the cabin and he and Sarah not only have sex (off-screen, of course) but Harvey lives! Sarah is so impressed that she lets Harvey carry their suitcases off the boat. I’m going to guess that Harvey probably died a few days later.
Finally, young Jimmy Hopkins (Mark James) boards the ship with his amicably divorced parents, Evelyn (Ja’net DuBois) and Andrew (Cleavon Little). Jimmy hopes that he can bring his parents back together (awwww!) and Vicki decides to help Jimmy come up with a plan. That plan is to basically lie to every single man on the ship about Evelyn being married to a scary football player so that they’ll all stay away from her. Jimmy also helps out by telling one of Evelyn’s suitors that he can’t wait for him to be his new stepfather. (That guy is never seen again.) Eventually, Evelyn and Andrew tell Jimmy that, though their marriage didn’t work, they will always love each other and that they will always be a part of his life. Awwwww!
This was a mixed bag of an episode. The storyline about Jimmy and his parents was sweet (even if it did involve a lot of lying) and featured good performances from DuBois and Little. The storyline about the old couple was, if you’ll forgive the expression, dead in the water. As for the Namath/Lawrence/Rowe storyline, it was pretty silly. To be honest, any story that features Doc successfully seducing someone while wearing his red kimono is pretty silly. Vicki Lawrence’s character didn’t go to do much, other than cry and complain. Joe Namath, while hardly an actor of great range, had a goofy likability to him. This episode was a breezy way to pass the time, even if it’s not one of the more memorable episodes of the series.
Through the Shattered Lens 