Tag Archives: review

This week’s “I watched it so you don’t have to!”

Posted on by paddiesthoughts

I watched it so you don’t have to!

Ghost Fever (1985) ghost-fever-movie-poster-1987-1020255947

Stars:

Sherman Hemsley (The Jeffersons, Amen, The Hughleys)

Luis Avalos (E/R, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper)

Jennifer Rhodes: (Nightingales, 3rd Rock from the Sun)

Director: Alan Smithee (credited*) Actually Lee Madden

Writer: Oscar Brodney

Plot:
Two African American cops are sent to a run down Southern plantation to evict the residents so a freeway can be built in its place. The catch? The “residents” are all Civil War ghost. The hijinx ensue.

Summary:

After playing the iconic George Jefferson on “The Jefferson”, Sherman Hemsley tried his hand at the big screen in what turned out to be a huge flop. Hemsley mostly funded this movie himself which, literally, left him in financial ruin.

As much as I wanted to like this movie, Brodney’s writing made this feel like a left-over ’80s era slap-stick comedy, without the comedy.

*Director Lee Madden was so unhappy with the way the film turned out that he credited himself as “Alan Smithee” , the Directors Guild of America’s approved pseudonym for directors who do not want their name attached to a film.

If you actually made it through the movie, which I doubt you did, Hemsley also sang the theme song. And just for proof-

Film Review: Southpaw (dir by Antoine Fuqua)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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Southpaw features Jake Gyllenhaal as a boxer who loses his wife, his daughter, his career, his self-respect, his car, his house, his manager, his friends, and nearly his life.  But then, about 70 minutes into the film, he gets a chance to get it all back.  Well, almost all of it.  His wife is dead so he can’t get her back but there are hints that he might get together with a helpful social worker after the end credits role.

There was really only one reason why I was interested in seeing Southpaw and that’s because it starred Jake Gyllenhaal.  Last year, Gyllenhaal gave the performance of his career in Nighcrawler.  Gyllenhaal was so brilliant that you just knew the Academy was going to prove itself clueless by not nominating him.  And that’s exactly what happened.  Gyllenhaal was snubbed and, as a result, the Academy now owes him a nomination.  When the trailer for Southpaw first appeared and we saw Gyllenhaal as muscular and bloody, a lot of us assumed that Southpaw would be the film that would get him that nomination.

And Jake Gyllenhaal does do a pretty good job in Southpaw.  He’s one of the main reasons for seeing the film.  It’s interesting to compare Gyllenhaal’s hyperactive performance and sickly appearance in Nightcrawler with his work as boxer Billy Hope in Southpaw.  Billy is a professional brawler and you believe it when you look at him.  Not only is he huge and muscular but he’s got a face that has obviously been punched more than a few times.  When he speaks, he isn’t the hyper articulate con man of Nightcrawler and Love and Other Drugs.  Instead, he stares at the ground as he mumbles and struggles to put together the simplest of thoughts.  It’s a good performance but, at the same time, it lacks the element of surprise that Gyllenhaal has brought to his best roles in the past.  You watched both Donnie Darko and Nightcrawler and you knew that only Gyllenhaal could have brought those roles to life.  Billy Hope, however, is a far less interesting character and you could imagine any number of actors playing the role.  (Reportedly, Southpaw was actually written with Eminem in mind and you really can see him playing the role.)

And really, the entire film is a lot like Billy Hope.  It does its job but there’s nothing all that interesting about it.  Southpaw‘s biggest surprise comes about 20 minutes into the film when Billy’s loving wife, Maureen (Rachel McAdams), is shot and killed and you already knew that was going to happen from the film’s trailer.  After Maureen’s death, Billy starts using alcohol and drugs and, as a result, he loses custody of his daughter, Leila (12 year-old Oona Laurence, giving a great performance).  Because this is a sports film, Billy has to hit rock bottom before, with the help of a grizzled and haunted trainer (Forest Whitaker), he can get a chance to win back both the championship and his daughter.  Director Antoine Fuqua obviously know how to tell these type of testosterone-drenched stories but there’s not a single moment in Southpaw that you won’t see coming from miles away.

And don’t get me wrong.  Unlike some other films that I was less than overwhelmed by, I can actually understand why some people in the theater applauded at the end of Southpaw.  It’s an effective film, even if it does run on for a little bit too long.  It tells a heartfelt story.  It’s a crowd pleaser and I’m sure that a lot of people will enjoy it.  But, for me, it was just too predictable.  I like it when movies catch me off guard and that’s something that Southpaw never came close to doing.

A quick sidenote: Southpaw features the final score composed by the late James Horner and the film is dedicated to his memory.  If you see the movie, be sure to stick around for the dedication so that you can put your hands together for a cinematic and musical legend.

Let’s Talk About Sharknado 3!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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(This review contains spoilers because it’s impossible for me to imagine that you somehow have not already seen Sharknado 3.)

Last night, I watched and live tweeted Sharknado 3 and I’m still recovering.  After the first hundred, I lost track of how many tweets I devoted to Sharknado 3.  Of course, I wasn’t alone in that.  Last night, it seemed like the entire nation was tweeting about Sharknado 3 and it was a wonderful thing.  At its best, twitter can be the great equalizer, giving everyone an equal voice and last night was one of those moments.

In fact, I was tempted to just devote this review to posting the best Sharknado 3 tweets from last night.  However, if I did that, 90% of those tweets would be from me.  Out of the millions of Sharknado 3 related tweets last night, mine were definitely the best.

Over the past three years, the premiere of the latest Sharknado film has almost become an unofficial national holiday, a summer version of the Super Bowl.  On twitter, Sharknado 3 was trending for days before the film even premiered.  And, once Sharknado 3 did start, it seemed as if everyone in the country was watching and taking bets on which celebrity guest star would be the next to die.  (I’m very proud to say that I correctly predicted the bloody and prolonged death of Frankie Muniz.) Even the majority of the commercials were specifically meant to tie in with the Sharknado franchise.

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Fans of the first Sharknado will be happy to know that Nova returns!

But what’s amazing and admirable is that, even though the franchise has now become an international phenomena, Sharknado 3 stayed true to its SyFy roots.  Ignore all the hype and you’ll see that Sharknado 3 tells  a story that will be familiar to anyone who has ever watched any SyFy original movie.  The world is threatened by a flamboyant threat, in this case a bunch of tornadoes that happens to be full of sharks.  Only one man (Ian Ziering as Finn) can save the world but first, he has to deal with skeptical military jackasses.  As always seems to happen in these films, he’s separated from his wife (Tara Reid playing the role of April and sporting a truly badass robotic hand).  Meanwhile, their teenage daughter (Ryan Newman as Claudia) has gone off on her own and finds herself right in the center of the disaster.  It’s a plot that has been used in thousands of SyFy and Asylum films but director Anthony C. Ferrante directs with a lot of energy and writer Thunder Levin provides so many clever one liners that it doesn’t matter if the storyline is familiar.  Ignore all the hype and you’ll discover that Sharknado 3 is still a wonderfully fun film that features everything that we love about SyFy movies.

Of course, one thing that distinguishes Sharknado 3 from other Asylum film is that it is full of celebrity cameos.  Usually, I am weary of excessive celebrity cameos because they’re distracting and the celebs often turn out to be terrible actors.  But the celebs in Sharknado 3 all do a wonderful job.  (Add to that, the majority of them get eaten, as well.)  Then again, the same could be said for the entire cast.  Regardless of what they’re asked to do or say, Ian Ziering and Tara Reid both full commit to their performances.  Casting director Gerald Webb is indeed one of the unsung heroes of the entire Sharknado phenomena.

The film opens with a shark attack on Washington D.C. and it’s during this time that we meet President Mark Cuban and Vice President Ann Coulter.  And, oh my God, how certain heads on twitter exploded when Ann Coulter showed up.  But you know what?  After seeing Sharknado 3, I would totally vote for a Cuban/Coulter ticket.  I don’t care what their platform is, they know how to fight sharks and they seemed far more believable than anyone who is currently running for President.  At first, I assumed that Mark Cuban was supposed to be playing himself and I thought that Sharknado 3 had somehow managed to predict the presidential campaign of Donald Trump.  However, I then checked with the imdb and I discovered that Cuban was playing President Marcus Robbins.

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The same people on twitter who were bitching about Ann Coulter weren’t much happier when Michele Bachman showed up, playing herself.  (For a few minutes, I was hoping that the movie would be full of cameos from former Presidential candidates.)  However, the political cameos in Sharknado 3 are bipartisan.  When the action moves down to Orlando, noted Democrat Jerry Springer shows up as a tourist and promptly gets eaten.  And then Carlos Danger himself, Anthony Weiner, shows up as a heroic NASA guy.  Eventually, for those of us who lean towards the libertarian side of the political spectrum, Penn Jilette and Teller eventually show up.  Personally, I suspect that Teller knew how to stop the sharks but, of course, he wasn’t going to say anything.

As for the cameos from various media personalities, Sharknado 3 never manages to top the moment from Sharknado 2 where Kelly Ripa stomped a shark with her high heels.  But no matter — it’s still fun to watch Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda get drunk while sharks fall around them.  And then Matt Lauer gets eaten by a shark so yay for that!

(Incidentally, whether intentional or not, the film was full of former contestants from The Celebrity Apprentice, with Ian, Penn, and Lou Ferrigno all showing up.  Personally, I would have enjoyed seeing Piers Morgan get eaten by a shark.)

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However, of all the celebrity cameos in Sharknado 3, nobody could top the Hoff.  When David Hasselhoff first showed up as Finn’s father, it felt like a funny but obvious joke.  Of course, Finn’s father would be David Hasselhoff.  But you know what?  Give credit where credit is due.  The Hoff actually gave a pretty good performance and, during the film’s interstellar climax, he managed to do a pretty good impersonation of George Clooney as he looked out into space and said, “It’s a beautiful view.”

And yes, Sharknado 3 does go into space.  How could it not?  The film may have started out as an homage to the classic weather disaster films but, by the end of the movie, it turned into a delirious combination of Jaws, Gravity and Interstellar.  By the time Finn was exploring the stomach of a shark while it floated through the starry sky, Sharknado 3 had achieved a definite state of grace.

Incidentally, the film ended with a cliffhanger and we were asked to vote whether or not April would live.  At first, I voted to kill April because, quite frankly, I thought it would be fun to see a vengeance-obsessed Finn.  But then Tara Reid tweeted the following and made me feel totally guilty:

So, I’m changing my vote!  APRIL LIVES!

Of course, all this means that there will be Sharknado 4 and I can hardly wait!

Sharknado_hero_April_02

Let’s Talk About Zombie Shark

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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On Monday night, immediately following 3-Headed Shark Attack, SyFy premiered one more shark movie as a part of Shark Week.  That movie was entitled Zombie Shark and it was everything that you could possibly hope for.

Zombie Shark takes place on one of those depressing island resorts that always seem to pop up in films like this.  The sky is permanently overcast.  The sand is kind of gray.  There aren’t many people on the beach and the ones who are there are busy drinking beer and daring each other to swim in shark-infested waters.  This depressing beach is undoubtedly the result of the film’s low-budget.  But, whether intentional or not, the effect is to create a pervasive atmosphere of existential doom.  This film takes place in a dark world where the beach was an unhappy place even before the sharks and zombies showed up.

Four friends head out to that beach for what they hope will be a fun weekend.  Amber (Cassie Steele) and Sophie (Sloane Coe) are sisters.  Bridgitte (Becky Andrews) is their bikini-clad friend who, later in the film, gets to say, “I’m not going to die for those people!”  (For what it’s worth, I was in 100% agreement with Bridgitte.  If someone is stupid enough to get in the water during a shark attack, he deserves whatever happens to him.)  And then there’s Jenner (Ross Britz), who is Amber’s boyfriend.  When the four of them come across a dead shark on the beach, Jenner makes the mistake of getting too close.  Suddenly, the shark comes back to life and eats Jenner!  Unfortunately, Jenner had the keys to the boat in his pocket so now, the three survivors are stranded on the island.

It turns out, of course, that it’s all the fault of science.  Dr. Palmer (Laura Cayouette) created a zombiefication virus and infected one shark.  Now that zombie shark is infecting other sharks!  And those sharks are attacking people!  The people who aren’t digested are transformed into zombies!

Luckily, military badass Maxwell Cage (Jason London) is sent to the island.  Working with the rife-toting Amber and Sophie, Maxwell tries to find a way to curb the zombie outbreak.  Meanwhile, resort owner Lester (Roger J. Timber) tries to rally the few remaining uninfected humans to fight the zombies.

Soon, the water is full of sharks, the beach is full of zombies, and blood is everywhere.

I totally loved Zombie Shark.  To a certain extent, it reminded me of the classic Italian zombie film, The Erotic Nights of the Living Dead.  Like that film, Zombie Shark started out as your typical resort movie, complete with elements of broad comedy and hints of relationship drama.  And then suddenly, out of almost nowhere, it turned into a portrait of a grim and bloody zombie apocalypse.

The cast did a surprisingly good job, bringing as much credibility as they could to a film about a bunch of people being menaced by zombie sharks.  Jason London and Laura Cayouette (remember her as Leonardo DiCaprio’s odd sister in Django Unchained?) are both memorable as representatives of the establishment.  Cassie Steele and Sloane Coe were totally believable as sisters and brought so much commitment to their roles that the film’s ending was unexpectedly poignant.

(Cassie Steele, of course, might be best known for playing Manny Santos during the best seasons of Degrassi.)

With the exception of Sharknado 3 (which will be premiering tonight), Zombie Shark was the final original shark film to premiere as a part of SyFy shark week.

It was also one of the best.

zs

 

 

Let’s Talk About 3-Headed Shark Attack!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

One thing that I love about Asylum films is that, as opposed to big studio productions, they always deliver exactly what they promise.  As a part of the lead up to the third Sharknado film, 3-Headed Shark Attack premiered on the SyFY network on Monday night.  The title promised a three-headed shark and that is exactly what the film delivered.  The title also promised that the three-headed shark would attack and, again, that’s exactly what happened.  This giant 3-headed shark devoured a record number of fisherman, scientists, and college students.

3-Headed Shark Attack is also the story of three boats and the people on those boats.

One boat is a booze cruise that’s full of rich kids and their bikini-clad girlfriends.  You really only have to take one look at these people to know that almost all of them are doomed.  However, they certainly are not helping matters by tossing all of their empty beer cans into the ocean.  Little do they know that there’s a giant shark with three heads following the trail of cans.

On another, much smaller boat, there are the survivors of the 3-headed shark’s previous attack on the Persephone research lab.  They are scientists, environmentalists, and a few student interns.  They may have been dedicated to protecting the environment but the three-headed shark could hardly care less.  While thsee people seem to be a little bit more competent than the drunks on the booze cruise, it’s still hard not to feel that they are all equally doomed.

And finally, there’s one final boat.  The people on this fishing boat have guns, which in theory should be helpful against a three-headed shark.  Even more importantly, Danny Trejo is on this boat!  If anyone can defeat a three-headed shark, it’s Danny Trejo, right!?  SyFy advertised 3-Headed Shark Attack as “starring Danny Trejo” but, to be honest, Danny’s role is pretty much a cameo.  But that’s okay.  Danny Trejo is always fun, regardless of how much screen time he has.  Plus, the film smartly uses Danny’s badass persona to keep the audience off-balance.

3-Headed Shark Attack was director Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray (who also directed the much different but equally entertaining Mega Shark vs. Kolossus) and it’s also a sequel to 2-Headed Shark Attack.  3 Headed Shark Attack is a surprisingly somber film, one in which likable characters are just as likely to killed as unlikable ones and where the ocean frequently turns red with innocent blood.  For those who, as a result of the Sharknado films, have gotten it into their heads that all Asylum films are actually comedies, 3-Headed Shark Attack will prove otherwise.

3-Headed Shark Attack is an entertaining work of underwater mayhem.  If, like all good people, you love the Asylum style of filmmaking, you’ll find a lot to enjoy about 3-Headed Shark Attack.  This is a film that delivers exactly what it promises.

Here’s hoping that 4-Headed Shark Attack is close behind!

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Let’s Talk About Sharktopus Vs. Whalewolf!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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On Saturday night, SyFy premiered Roboshark and Mega Shark vs. Kolossus and viewers like me will be forever thankful.  However, SyFy wasn’t done giving us treats.  On Sunday night, another new film premiered.  It was called Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf and I’m not ashamed to say that it was absolutely brilliant.

Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf takes place in the Dominican Republic.  A disgraced baseball player, Felix Rosa (played by Mario Arturo Hernandez,) goes to a mysterious German scientist, Dr. Reihnhardt (Catherine Oxenberg), in search of a treatment that will again make him a superstar.  However, as often happens with mad scientists, Dr. Reinhardt has an agenda of her own and soon Felix has been transformed into a hybrid between a whale and wolf.  This means that he looks like a wolf but he swims like a whale and he tends to act like a dog.

Except, of course, when he’s eating people.

When he’s eating people, he’s all Whalewolf.

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Meanwhile, alcoholic boat captain Ray (Casper Van Dien, giving a likable and energetic performance) has discovered that Sharktopus — a creature with the head of shark and the body of an octopus — is swimming in the waters around the Dominican Republic.  At first, Ray and his sidekick, Pablo (Jorge Eduardo De Los Santos), aren’t too concerned about the Sharktopus or anything else.  But then the local voodoo priest (Tony Almont) demands that they bring him the heart of Sharktopus and, when they don’t promptly comply, he starts to stick pins into Ray and Pablo voodoo dolls.

While all of that is going on, Ray’s almost girlfriend, police officer Nita (Akari Endo),  is trying to keep the peace but that’s a little bit difficult when you not only have to deal with a voodoo cult, an alcoholic boat captain, and a German mad scientist but also with Sharktopus and Whalewolf as well!

But that’s not all!  A Dominican version of The Bachelor is being filmed nearby.  It would be a lot easier for the bachelor to find love if not for the fact that Sharktopus keeps eating all of his potential wives.

And finally, there’s a tourist who is vacationing in the Dominican Republic and is convinced that she’s starting a new chapter of her life.  Needless to say, things don’t exactly end well…

Okay, you may have read all that and may now be under the impression that there’s a lot of going on in Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf and you are absolutely correct.  This is a very busy film but, then again, that’s exactly why it works.  The pace is relentless and the action is nonstop.  No time is wasted when it comes to introducing both Sharktopus and Whalewolf.  It’s nonstop Sharktopus and Whalewolf action, without a single slow moment.

The tone is pretty much set from the moment that Catherine Oxenberg first appears and starts to speak in the most over-the-top, deliberately exaggerated German accent ever heard.  Then Casper Van Dien shows up, pulling flasks out of his pockets and, at one point, getting into a literal slap fight with Sharktopus.  (Casper Van Dien gives a performance that can be positively compared to the best work of Bruce Campbell.)

Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf works as both an entertaining monster film and a glorious send up of the entire genre.  If you missed it for the first time, keep an eye out for another showing.

And hopefully, Sharktopus will soon return!

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Let’s Talk About Mega Shark vs. Kolossus!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

It was while watching Mega Shark vs. Kolossus that I discovered that, apparently, I have the power to kill fictional characters with my tweets.  As soon Dr. Sergie Abramov (Patrick Bauchau) first appeared on screen, I tweeted out my prediction that he was “doomed,” largely because he was “eccentric and old.”  15 minutes later, a group of gun-toting mercenaries showed up and gunned Dr. Abramov down.

AGCK!, I thought, I didn’t really mean to kill him…

Now, normally, I would have to admit that discovering that I possessed that much power would lead to a lot of thought and reflection on my part.  But you know what?  I was enjoying myself way too much to really feel that bad about getting Dr. Abramov killed.  That’s the type of film that Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is.  It’s a lot of fun and, if the cost of that fun is that Dr. Abramov had to die … well, so be it.

Produced by the Asylum and directed by Christoper Douglas-Olen Ray (who also directed A House Is Not A Home and Shark Week), Mega Shark vs. Kolossus premiered on SyFy right after Roboshark.  I have to admit that, when the film began, I wasn’t sure that anything could successfully follow the brilliance that was Roboshark.

But, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus proved my doubts wrong.

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is not only a good SyFy film and a worthy entry in the Mega Shark franchise but it’s also a lot of fun.  If I could only pick a handful of movies to justify my love of SyFy and Asylum films, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus would definitely be right there with End of the World and Jersey Shore Shark Attack.  Mega Shark vs. Kolossus has everything — from the knowing humor to the over-the-top action to the flamboyant monsters — that you could possibly want from a SyFy film.

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At heart, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is a delirious homage to the old school Godzilla films where Godzilla would have to reluctantly save humanity from yet another giant monster.  (Kolossus is even reminiscent of the robotic Godzilla from Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla.)

As the film starts, the world has been thrown into chaos as the result of all of the previous Mega Shark attacks.  Admiral Jackson (Ernest Thomas) is determined to track down and destroy Mega Shark but Dr. Alison Gray (Illeana Douglas) argues that if we would just leave Mega Shark alone then Mega Shark would leave us alone.  Billionaire Joshua Dane (Brody Hutzler) claims to agree with her but is it possible that he has ulterior motives of his own?  Well, consider this: has there even been a truly benevolent billionaire in an Asylum film?

Meanwhile, in the Ukraine, Kolossus — a giant robot that was created during the Cold War — has accidentally be activated.  Can secret agent Moria King (Amy Rider, who totally kicked ass and who deserves to appear in every subsequent Mega Shark film) and CIA analyst Spencer (Edward DeRuiter, who also wrote the film’s script) figure out how to control Kolossus?

And, finally, will Kolossus and Mega Shark meet and fight?  Well, the answer to that one is right in the title of the film.

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is delirious fun, a surprisingly well-acted and entertaining homage to the great monster movies of the past.  Obviously, Mega Shark is the top-billed star here but, for me, the film is really stolen by Kolossus.  This behemoth of robotic mayhem dominates almost every scene in which he appears and hopefully, he’ll return for a future movie.  Could Sharktopus vs. Kolossus or Roboshark Meets Kolossus be in the future?  I certainly hope so!

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is terrific and entertaining.  If you missed it the first time, keep an eye out for a future showing.  You will not be disappointed!

We love you, Kolossus!

We love you, Kolossus!

Let’s Talk About Roboshark!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In case you missed it, it is currently Shark Week on the SyFy network.  (Or, as the Snarkalecs and I like to call it, Snark Week!)  Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No will be premiering this Wednesday and, in honor of that historic event, SyFy has devoted this week to broadcasting some of their trademark original movies.  Along with showing such classics as Jersey Shore Shark Attack, Shark Week, Two-Headed Shark Attack, and Ghost Shark, SyFy is also premiering 6 new shark films.

Roboshark, the first of these premieres, was aired on Saturday night.  Now, obviously, there was no way that I would be able to resist watching a film with a title like Roboshark.

 Roboshark, like many great SyFy films, opens with something falling out of the sky and landing in the ocean.  A chunk of UFO plunges into the water and is promptly eaten by a normal, every day shark.  Soon, that shark is transformed into … ROBOSHARK!  With its fins glowing red and a twitter account of his very own, Roboshark attacks Seattle.

That’s right!  Roboshark destroys a Starbucks, eats hipsters, and eventually takes out an eccentric billionaire named Bill Glates (Steve Sires) and it’s all a lot of fun to watch.  And before everyone decides to leave a snarky comment pointing out my typo, allow me to assure you that the character was indeed named Bill Glates.  However, he looked and sounded just like Bill Gates and, seeing as how Windows 8.1 has had 40 updates this month alone, there was something undeniably satisfying about seeing him get eaten by a roboshark.

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As often happens in SyFy film, Roboshark isn’t really bad.  He’s just misunderstood.  He uses his twitter account to communicate with Melody (Vanessa Grasse), the daughter of Trish (Alexis Peterman), the local “wacky weathergirl” who is looking to prove herself as a serious journalist by covering the roboshark attack.  Unfortunately, Trish continually finds herself overshadowed by her rival reporter, Veronica (Laura Dale, giving a nicely comedic performance).

Meanwhile, Trish’s husband, Rick (Matt Rippy), has been half-recruited and half-kidnapped by Admiral Black (brilliant Nigel Barber), who is determined to save the world from Roboshark, even if he has to destroy the Seattle Space Needle to do it.  (“But the Space Needle is the symbol of Seattle!” Rick protests.)  Admiral Black is addicted to energy drinks and seems to be having a lot of fun being the craziest guy in the room.  His character was a lot of fun.

Actually, the whole film is a lot of fun.  Roboshark is a great example of everything that we love about SyFY films.  It was a deliberately over-the-top film full of inside jokes and a really cool monster.  And I’m not just saying that because Roboshark retweeted me several times on Saturday night.

(Though he totally did!  Love you, Roboshark!)

Roboshark is the type of film that must be watched with a large group of people looking to have a good (and silly) time.  It’s the type of film that literally begged to be live tweeted and, needless to say, that’s exactly what a lot of us did.  Here are just a few tweets from the epic Roboshark live tweet:

If you missed Roboshark the first time, keep an eye out for it!  It’s everything we love about SyFy shark movies!

We love you, Roboshark!

We love you, Roboshark!

 

Playing Catch-Up With 6 Film Reviews: Avengers Grimm, Bad Asses On The Bayou, Hayride 2, Insurgent, Poltergeist, Tomorrowland

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here are 6 films that I saw during the first half of 2015.  Some of them are on Netflix and some of them were major studio releases.  Some of them are worth seeing.  Some of them most definitely are not.

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Avengers Grimm (dir by Jeremy M. Inman)

Obviously made to capitalize on the popularity of Avengers: Age of Ultron, Avengers Grimm opens with a war in the world of fairy tales.  Evil Rumpelstiltskin (Casper Van Dien) uses Snow White’s (Laura Parkinson) magic mirror to cross over into our world and he takes Snow White with him!  It’s now up to Cinderella (Milynn Sharley), Sleeping Beauty (Marah Fairclough), and Rapunzel (Rileah Vanderbilt) to cross over into our world, save Snow White, and defeat Rumpelstiltskin.  Also sneaking over is rebellious Red Riding Hood (Elizabeth Petersen) who is determined to kill Rumpelstiltskin’s henchman, The Wolf (Kimo Leopoldo).  

Got all that?

Avengers Grimm is another enjoyably insane mockbuster from The Asylum.  The budget’s low, the performances are intentionally melodramatic, and it’s all lot of fun.  Casper Van Dien has a lot of fun playing evil, the women all get to kick ass, and Lou Ferrigno is well-cast as a labor leader named Iron John.

Avengers Grimm is currently available on Netflix.

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Bad Asses On The Bayou (dir by Craig Moss)

Apparently, this is the third film in which Danny Trejo and Danny Glover have respectively played Frank Vega and Bernie Pope, two old guys who kick ass in between worrying about their prostates.  I haven’t seen the previous two Bad Asses films but I imagine that it really doesn’t matter.

In this film, Trejo and Glover go to Louisiana to attend a friend’s wedding.  When she’s kidnapped, they have to rescue her and impart some important life lessons to her younger brother.  It’s all pretty predictable but then again, it’s also pretty good for a film called Bad Asses On The Bayou.  This is a film that promises two things: Danny Trejo kicking ass and lots of bayou action.  And it delivers on both counts.

In fact, I would say that Bad Asses On The Bayou is a better showcase for Danny Trejo’s unique style than the better known Machete films.  Danny Trejo is a surprisingly adept comedic actor and he gives a performance here that shows his talent goes beyond mere physical presence.

Bad Asses On The Bayou is currently available on Netflix.

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Hayride 2 (dir by Terron R. Parsons)

I should admit up front that I haven’t seen the first Hayride film.  Luckily, Hayride 2 picks up directly from the end of the first film and is filled with so many flashbacks and so much conversation about what happened that it probably doesn’t matter.

Essentially, Pitchfork (Wayne Dean) is a murderous urban legend who turns out to be real.  He killed a lot of people in the first film and he stalks those that escaped throughout the 2nd film.  Like all good slasher villains, Pitchfork is a relentless killer.  He’s also an unrepentant racist, which leads to a genuinely unpleasant scene where he attacks a black detective (Corlandos Scott).  Say whatever else you will about the film, Hayride 2 deserves some credit for being on the side of the victims.  No attempt is made to turn Pitchfork into an anti-hero and the movie is relentlessly grim.

Hayride 2 is an odd film.  The film’s low-budget is obvious in every single scene.  The pacing is abysmal and the performances are amateurish.  And yet, when taken on its own meager terms, it has a dream-like intensity to it that I appreciated.  Then again, I always have had a weakness for low-budget, regional horror films.

Hayride 2 is available on Netflix.

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Insurgent (dir by Robert Schwentke)

Insurgent is both the sequel to Divergent and was also 2015’s first YA dystopia film.  Shailene Woodley is as good as ever and I guess it’s good that she has a commercially successful franchise, which will hopefully inspire audiences to track down better Shailene Woodley films like The Spectacular Now.  

All that said, Insurgent often felt even more pointless than Divergent.  For a two-hour film featuring performers like Woodley, Kate Winslet, Octavia Spencer, Ansel Elgort, and Miles Teller, Insurgent has no excuse for being as forgettable and boring as it actually was.  The next installment in The Hunger Games can not get here soon enough.

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Poltergeist (dir by Gil Kenan)

When a family (led by Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt) move into a new house, they discover that everything is not what it seems.  For one thing, they come across a bunch of creepy clown dolls.  They also hear a lot of scary sounds.  They discover that the house was built on an old cemetery.  Their youngest daughter vanishes.  And finally, someone says, “Isn’t this like that old movie that was on TCM last night?”

Okay, they don’t actually say that.  However, as everyone knows, the 2015 Poltergeist is a remake of the 1982 Poltergeist.  Since the 1982 Poltergeist still holds up fairly well, the 2015 Poltergeist feels incredibly unnecessary.  It has a few good jump scenes and it’s always good to see Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt in lead roles but ultimately, who cares?  It’s just all so pointless.

Watch the wall-dancing original.  Ignore the remake.

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Tomorrowland (dir by Brad Bird)

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!  Wow, is it ever boring!

Actually, I feel a little bit bad about just how much I disliked Tomorrowland because this is a film that really did have the best intentions.  Watching the film, you get the sinking feeling that the people involved actually did think that they were going to make the world a better place.  Unfortunately, their idea of a better world is boring and almost oppressively optimistic.  There is no room for cynicism in Tomorrowland.  Bleh.  What fun is that?

Anyway, the film basically steals its general idea from the Atlas Shrugged trilogy.  Tomorrowland is a secret place that is inhabited by inventors, dreamers, and iconoclasts.  Years ago, Frank (George Clooney) was banished from Tomorrowland because, after learning that the Earth was destined to end, he lost “hope” in mankind’s future.  Fortunately, he meets Casey (Britt Robertson), who is full of hope and through her, he gets to return.  They also get a chance to save the world and battle a cartoonish super villain played by Hugh Laurie.  (Why is he a villain?  Because he’s played by Hugh Laurie, of course!)

After all the hype and build-up, Tomorrowland turned out to be dull and predictable.  What a shame.  The Atlas Shrugged trilogy was at least fun because it annoyed the hipsters at the AV Club.  Tomorrowland is just forgettable.

Film Review: Faults (dir by Riley Stearns)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

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Faults is many things.

It’s a character study.  It’s a thriller.  It’s a deeply unsettling horror film.  It’s a darker-than-dark comedy that will make you laugh even while you’re glancing over your shoulder to make sure there are no strangers hiding in the shadows.  It’s a look at religion, faith, free will, and guilt.  It’s a declaration that a major talent — writer/director Riley Stearns — has arrived.  It’s an acting showcase for both Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Leland Orser.  It’s a film that found success on the festival circuit and then had an all-too brief theatrical release in March.  It’s also a film that’s currently available on Netflix.  Finally, it’s one of the best films of the year so far.

When we first meet professional cult deprogrammer Ansel Roth (Leland Orser), he is eating dinner in a hotel restaurant and desperately trying to convince his waiter that he has an agreement with management, guaranteeing him free meals while staying at the hotel.  After Ansel is kicked out of the restaurant, he then tries to convince the hotel manager that his room is supposed to be free as well.  The manager gives Ansel an hour to check out.

As quickly becomes apparent, Ansel is nearly broke and he’s living out of his car.  What little money he has, he makes from giving sparsely attended lecture where he literally begs people to pay fifteen dollars to get a copy of his latest book.  After his lectures, Ansel is willing to sign his new book at a cost of five dollars per signature.

(At one point, when someone asks Ansel to sign his previous book, Ansel abruptly explains that he no longer signs that book.  If you want his five dollar autograph, you have to first pay fifteen dollars to get his new book.)

At one point, Ansel was a minor celebrity with his own talk show but, after a girl he deprogrammed subsequently committed suicide, Ansel’s life fell apart.  His latest book is self-published and his former manager, the oddly polite Terry (Jon Gries), claims that Ansel owes him money.  Terry’s enforcer, Mick (the always intimidating Lance Reddick), is stalking Ansel from cheap motel to cheap motel.

However, things start to look up for Ansel when he’s approached by Paul (Chris Ellis) and Evelyn (Beth Grant).  They explain that their daughter, Claire (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), has joined a cult known as Faults and is a follower of a mysterious figure named Ira.  They ask Ansel to deprogram her.  Ansel agrees to do so and charges them $20,000.

After Ansel and two “assistants” literally grab Claire off the street, they take her to a cheap motel where, behind locked doors, Ansel starts to try to deprogram Claire.  However, from the start, Ansel discovers that it’s going to be more difficult than he realized.

For one thing, Claire remains calm throughout the whole kidnapping and, even when locked in the shabby motel room, is confident that she is about to “move on” and achieve a higher level of existence.  When Paul and Evelyn show up and try to talk to Claire, it turns out that they’re not quite the loving parents that they initially presented themselves as being.  Paul, in particular, reveals himself to have a fierce temper and he demands that Claire change into clothes that would be more appropriate for a teenager than for an adult.  When Ansel suggests that the overbearing Paul should back off, Paul replies that he “knows” what Ansel truly wants to do with Claire.

Secondly, even as Ansel tries to deprogram Claire, he still has to deal with Terry and Mick.  Neither one of them is particularly concerned about whether or not Ansel can pull Claire away from Faults.  Instead, Terry just wants his money.

And finally, even as Ansel tries to keep control of the situation, he is personally falling apart.  He finds himself having sudden nosebleeds.  At one point, his suit spontaneously combusts into flame.  (Believe it or not, there is a relatively plausible reason for why this happens but that doesn’t make it even less shocking.)  When Ansel falls asleep in the motel room, he subsequently wakes up in his car and has no memory of how he got there.

And through it all, Claire remains a seductive and manipulative enigma.  Sometimes she’s cold and in control.  Other times, she’s surprisingly vulnerable.  Ansel finds himself both attracted to and frightened of Claire.  Throughout the film, Ansel insists that he has “free will” but Claire forces him to reconsider that assumption.

Faults is a low-key and disturbing film that is distinguished by a very dark and cynical sense of humor.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead is amazing as the mysterious Claire while Leland Orser is wonderfully desperate and surprisingly sympathetic as Ansel.  When Faults first started, I was concerned that, since it largely takes place in one cramped motel room, the film would be too stagey to be effective.  But director Riley Stearns does amazing work with that one location and, as a result, Faults is one of those rare films that actually gets more intriguing the deeper you get into it.

Faults is currently available on Netflix and you should watch it.