What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: Jersey Shore Shark Attack (dir. by John Shepphird)

On Friday night, I saw Moonrise KingdomAs our own Leon the Duke explained in his own review on this very site, Moonrise Kingdom is a thought-provoking, relentlessly quirky little film from Wes Anderson.  It’s a film that makes you think and, as a result, come Saturday, I was in the mood to watch something that required absolutely no thought at all.  Luckily, SyFy was willing to help me out by showing an original film called Jersey Shore Shark Attack.

Why Was I Watching It?

I’d been meaning to watch a SyFy film for a while, mostly because my friend Kelly Thul always provides the most interesting twitter commentary on them.  When I saw that something called Jersey Shore Shark Attack was apparently playing on the channel, there was no way I couldn’t watch it.  After all, my BFF Evelyn refers to me as L-Wowww.  I used to call her Evooki but, after seeing Jersey Shore Shark Attack, her new name is Nooki.

What’s It About?

It’s holiday weekend on the Jersey Shore.  Preppies are uncomfortably mingling with Guidos, Joey Fatone is scheduled to give a concert, and greedy mayor Paul Sorvino is greedily dreaming of the money that will be made.  The only thing could ruin the holiday fun would be if a bunch of sharks suddenly showed up and decided to attack the Jersey shore.

Which is exactly what happens.

Fortunately, when the greedy Mayor refuses to close down the beach, there are a few Guidos who are willing to do the right thing.  The Complication (Jeremy Luc) and his friends Paulie Balzac (Daniel Booko), Donnie (Joey Russo), J-Moni (Alex Mauriello), and BJ (Audi Resendiz) take it upon themselves to battle the sharks.  However, the Complication’s ex, Nooki (Melissa Molinaro), has defiantly gone sailing with a bunch of preppies and now finds herself stranded at sea, surrounded by circling sharks…

What Worked?

A lot of people are probably online right now talking about how “stupid” and how “bad” this movie was but you know what?  I loved it.  This movie was a lot of fun and, like the best film parodies, it was very smart about being stupid.  Let’s put it like this — if you’re criticizing this film for having silly dialogue, terrible special effects, and bad acting, you’re missing the point.

Add to that, the acting isn’t that bad.  The film’s stars do a good job at capturing the “personas” of their Jersey Shore counterparts and I would even go so far as to compare this movie to the classic South Park episode “It’s a Jersey Thing.”

Plus, Tony Sirico’s in it and he gets to go all Robert Shaw and deliver a half-crazed monologue about shark attacks.

Plus, there’s a reporter who says things like, “Stay away from the pier, yo!”

Plus, Joey Fatone’s in it!  And he gets eaten!

What’s not to love?

What Didn’t Work?

It all worked, dammit!

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I’m Italian (well, a fourth-Italian) and I don’t swim either.   (Though I certainly don’t mind getting wet…)

Lessons Learned:

It’s a Jersey thing.

13 responses to “What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: Jersey Shore Shark Attack (dir. by John Shepphird)

  1. Hey, that’s one down. Now, if we can get a “Dancing With The Stars Shark attack”, and a Hell’s Kitchen Shark Attack”, and a “The Bachelor Shark Attack”, and a “Big Brother Shark Attack” (is that show still on? Even if it’s not, let ‘em have it, on general principle), and a “The Apprentice Shark Attack” “Yuh fire…Oh my god, they’re eatin’ my leg!!!”), and a…


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      • Oh…I thought he was talking to me. But hey, no pronlem. I mean, that would be kind of weird anyway, right? Unless, of course, maybe he was…? No, of coursehe wasn’t. Never mind. It’s cool, Sigh…


      • Hey, I like you too man. Yes, I would watch The Donald grab some teeth, or even better – bring back The Simple Life for their own Shark Attack (“oh no, I think he smells Tinker Bell..aaaaaeeeeiiiii!!!”).

        But I just HAVE to love a girl who can write this review – I’m powerless!


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