Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.14 “The Last Madonna”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs — or is it Burnett and Cooper? — enter the art world.

Episode 5.14 “The Last Madonna”

(Dir by Chip Chalmers, originally aired on March 17th, 1989)

When Crockett and Tubbs take down what they think is a drug deal, they’re shocked to discover that Stanley Costa (Stephen G. Anthony) was actually smuggling two paintings!  They could always ask Stanley what’s going on but — whoops!  They killed him during the show’s precredit sequence.

Detective Whitehead (Michael Chiklis) comes down from New York City and explains that the two paintings are the side pieces for a triptych called The Last Madonna.  It was recently stolen from a Paris museum and Whitehead is convinced that theft was masterminded by Joey Scianti (Peter Dobson).

It’s time for Tubbs and Crockett to — *sigh* — go undercover.  Why they’re still always going undercover, I have never really understood.  Every time they go undercover, their cover gets blown.  Do the members of the Miami underworld just not communicate with each other?  Shouldn’t everyone know, by this point, that Tubbs and Crockett are cops?  In this case, Tubbs goes undercover as someone who appreciates art.  Crockett goes undercover as the crude Sonny Burnett….

Yes, Crockett is still using the Burnett cover.  He’s doing this despite the fact that he just recently had a mental breakdown that led to him not only thinking that he actually was Burnett but also becoming Miami’s biggest drug lord.  Even if the Scianti family was dumb enough to not know that Crockett was a cop, surely they would have heard enough about drug lord Sonny Burnett to wonder why he would be hanging out with a connoisseur of fine art.

(Indeed, it’s hard not to notice that everyone has apparently moved on rather quickly from Sonny’s mental breakdown and his time as a drug lord.  For that matter, Sonny certainly doesn’t seem to ever give much thought to his dead second wife.  Remember her?  The world-famous singer who was literally gunned down in front of him?  She appears to have been forgotten.)

This episode was dull, largely because the Scianti family was never really a credible threat.  They came across as being a bunch of buffoons and, as such, it was hard to really get that concerned about whether or not they would figure out that Crockett and Tubbs were actually cops.  This is another episode that features a twist that you’ll see coming from miles away.  From the minute Michael Chiklis first showed up, I knew that he was eventually going to try to steal the The Lost Madonna for himself.

Considering that there was a lot of humor in this episode (Crockett, not surprisingly, struggled with understanding modern art), there’s also some surprisingly graphic violence.  Crockett and Tubbs gun down Stanley Costa and blood splatters all over the wall.  Whitehead shoots Joey Scianti and the shocked Joey looks down at his wound and says that it’s “real blood.”  Tonally, this episode is all over the place.

Everyone seemed kind of bored with this episode.  This was definitely a final season entry.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 2.5 “Weird Science”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Emma is annoyed about something.

Episode 2.5 “Weird Science”

(Dir by Bruce McDonald, originally aired on November 11th, 2002)

Emma is still upset that Mr. Simpson is dating her mother.  This episode opens with an extremely awkward “family” dinner, in which Mr. Simpson asks that Emma call him “Archie” at home and Emma responds by calling him “Mr. Simpson.”  (At least he didn’t ask her to call him Snake.)  I could actually relate to Emma in this scene, if just because, when I was Emma’s age, I was an absolute brat towards anyone who tried to date my mom.  If anything, Mr. Simpson should be happy that all he has to deal with is Emma glaring at him.  He wouldn’t have been able to survive me and my sisters.

It’s science fair time!  Emma’s experiment takes a look at whether or not having a healthy breakfast can be help someone perform better at school.  She takes first prize but, because Mr. Simpson is one of the judges, she’s not sure that she earned it.  And, after Manny accidentally sends an email to the entire school in which she mentions that “Mr. Simpson loves Emma’s mom,” second-place finisher Liberty isn’t so sure that Emma deserves the prize either.

Liberty says that Emma should withdraw her experiment and give the first prize trophy to Liberty.  Liberty, as I’ve mentioned in the past, is the absolute worst.  Emma confronts Mr. Simpson and he explains to her that all of the judges voted for Emma to get first prize.  Emma apologizes and promises to be nicer to Mr. Simpson.

(This, of course, frees Mr. Simpson to later knock up and marry Spike before cheating on her with Ms. Hatzilakos but that’s an entire season away.)

Meanwhile, Spinner is freaking out because he keeps getting erections at awkward moments — hey, Degrassi goes there!  (Seriously, that was Degrassi’s slogan for a while.)  Spinner blames it on Emma forcing him to eat bananas as a part of her experiment.  Jimmy thinks that Spinner is crazy and eventually they ask Sheila the Cafeteria Lady if certain foods could be to blame for Spinner being perpetually at attention.  Sheila says that it’s just a part of growing up.  Spinner and Jimmy are relieved but I’m concerned that, in Canada, it’s apparently left to the cafeteria workers to explain these things.

This episode is largely remembered for the Spinner subplot, with Spinner panicking and getting embarrassed in Ms. Kwan’s class, so much so that I’m always surprised to discover that it’s mostly about Emma getting mad at Mr. Simpson.  Emma, of course, is destined to eventually marry Spinner at the end of Degrassi Takes Manhattan.  The Spinner/Emma marriage has often been criticized because Spinner and Emma hardly ever interacted in the seasons leading up to their sudden decision to get married.  But this episode shows that Emma apparently felt close enough to Spinner to experiment on him.

Next week: Craig and the gang get into trouble!

My Favorite 2026 Super Bowl Commercial


The commercials were pretty dull this year, largely because we don’t have any universally beloved celebrities anymore.  Getting someone famous and likable to do something cute used to be the easiest way to create a great Super Bowl commercials but now, hardly anyone is likable and even most celebrities are only famous with a niche audience.  Humor, which used to be a key part of most good Super Bowl commercials, fell out of fashion in 2017 and, even though most people have moved on from that weird time, the advertising world still hasn’t quite recovered.  The use of AI isn’t helping.  For instance, this year, Dunkin Doughnuts tried to do a commercial with a bunch of old sitcom stars.  Usually, you would think that would work but the de-aging technology made the entire thing feel like a zombie movie.

Really, there’s only one non-movie commercial that really struck my fancy this year and it’s from Budweiser.  I don’t even drink but I do love horses, I love majestic birds, and I love classic Lynard Skynard.  Also, it should be noted that the eagle at the end of the commercial was not AI.  He’s an actual eagle by the name of Lincoln.  This commercial is called “American Idols” and it definitely deserves the title.

The Super Bowl was bland this year and I have a feeling that’s going to be the state of things for a while.  But this commercial definitely brought tears to my eyes.  This is what Super Bowl commercials are supposed to be all about.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 4.21 “Scene of the Crime”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, it’s another night in Baltimore.

Episode 4.21 “Scene of the Crime”

(Dir by Kathy Bates, originally aired on April 12th, 1996)

This week, three murders are committed in the projects of Baltimore.

The first murder occurs when a drug dealer is tossed off the roof of an apartment complex, “the towers.”  Making the Lewis and Kellerman’s investigation difficult is the fact that the city has given a security contract to the Black Muslims.  The Muslims have been patrolling the Towers for a year and, in that time, they’ve chased out most of the drug dealers that once terrorized the building’s residents.  Kellerman feels that the Muslims are racists.  Giardello says that the Muslims just caused the dealers to go to another block.  Lewis, however, is a bit more conflicted.  As he explains it to Kellerman, why should white neighborhoods by the only ones allowed to have their own private security force?

The second and third murders occur at another set of towers.  This time, two teenage drug dealers ended up shooting each other.  When Munch and Russert arrive at the scene, they are met by patrolman Stu Gharty (Peter Gerety).  Gharty walks them through the scene, shows how the two dealers ended up killing each other, and then excuses himself to wait for the medical examiner.  Munch is impressed with Gharty but Russert can’t help but note the thirty-minute time gap between when Gharty got the call about the shooting and when he called for homicide.  Gharty confesses that, when he first arrived, he didn’t immediately enter the building, despite hearing the gunshots.  Gharty was concerned for his safety.  Munch understands and, even more importantly, he doesn’t believe in getting other cops in trouble.  Russert, however, is angered, especially after it turns out that one of the teenagers bled to death while Gharty was waiting outside.

This was an excellent episode of Homicide, one that was smart enough to paint anyone as being all good or all bad.  Ishmael Al-Hadj (Victor Williams), the head of the Muslim security force, is an anti-white fanatic but Lewis has a point when he says that Ishmael and his men have largely kept peace in the Towers in a way that the police have not been able to do so.  In the end, Ishmael turns over the name of the murderer but only after he knows that the man is no longer in Baltimore.

As for Stu Gharty, Russert is absolutely correct when she says that he failed to do his duty but, largely due to Peter Gerety’s empathetic performance, it’s hard not to sympathize with Gharty.  As Russert herself admits, Gharty has been a good cop for years but, that one night, he allowed his fear to get the better of him.  Russert, who is still thinking like a captain despite being demoted, feels that one moment of weakness cannot be overlooked.  Just about everyone else disagrees.  Whereas Russert and Kay Howard sees someone who failed to do his job, a detective like Munch looks at Gharty and sees a 54 year-old cop who is just a few years away from getting reassigned a desk job on account of his age and who made one mistake because he didn’t want his family to get a call telling them that he was dead.  At one point, Gharty says he’s thinking of just taking retirement.  Of course, he didn’t.  Instead, he returned a few seasons later as a regular.

This episode also featured Munch preparing for the return of Bolander.  After calling Bolander multiple times, Munch finally got him to agree to drop by the Waterfront Bar.  Of course, Bolander never showed up.  And it makes sense, really.  After getting shot and nearly dying during the previous season, Bolander was obviously done with being a cop.  (And, of course, Ned Beatty was no longer on the show.)  Still, there was something rather poignant about Munch’s growing realization that his partner and his hero was no longer going to be around.

Next week, the season comes to an end!

 

Music Video of the Day: I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll, covered by Britney Spears (2001, dir by Chris Applebaum)


It’s Britney!

Filmed at Long Island bar, this video is here to welcome us to Super Bowl Sunday!  Pretty soon, some people will be watching the game and some people will be watching the commercials and, here at the Shattered Lens, we’ll be posting any trailers that drop during the big game.  It’s a part of our tradition!

For now, though, let’s love rock and roll.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell 1.11 “The Friendship Business”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!

This week, Zack and Jessie battle for business supremacy.

Episode 1.11 “The Friendship Business”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 4th, 1989)

Hey, it’s the Buddy Bands episode!

One of the things about Saved By The Bell is that, if you’re a certain age, all you have to hear is one term — like “Buddy Band” or “I’m so excited” or “Zack Attack” — and you automatically know what episode is being referred to.  If you were in high school or college in the days when Saved By The Bell reruns were playing endlessly in syndication, you know what I’m talking about.

That’s changing, of course.  Saved By The Bell is no longer the ubiquitous cultural touchstone that it once was.  That’s a polite way of saying that those of us who grew up with it on television are getting older and, for the generation replacing us, Saved By The Bell is just one of the many old shows that they probably skip over while looking at whatever’s streaming online.  It’s sad to say but, in another few decades, all of the Saved By The Bell talk will be limited to assisted living facilities and to grandchildren saying, “Was Zack Morris a friend of yours, grandma?”

For now, though, I’m just happy that I can say “Buddy Bands” and everyone remembers that this episode featured Zack and Jessie leading rival companies that both got involved in the cut-throat world of friendship bracelets.  Zack thinks that he has the inside track because he’s got Lisa and the fashion club working for him but he eventually demands too much from her so Lisa defects over to Jessie’s company.  But then Jessie proves to be just as demanding as Zack.  Meanwhile, Zack convinces Belding to wear a Buddy Band.  Belding walks around the school saying, “Hello, fellow Buddy Bander!” and everyone demands their money back.  Jessie asks someone if their Buddy Band is defective.  “Belding’s wearing one!  It doesn’t get more defective than that!”

Among other things, this episode features the classic Buddy Bands commercial:

Seriously, why was everyone fighting over Zack when A.C. Slater — handsome, mysterious, ageless, and a great dancer! — was right there?

Along with the oddly overproduced Buddy Band commercial, this episode featured one of those weird Zack Morris fantasies, where he imagine being so rich that Screech — as Robin Screech — interviews him.  Zack imagines owning the school, being married to Kelly, and forcing Jessie, Slater, Lisa, and Mr. Belding to work for him.  It’s a chilling look inside Zack’s mind.

Indeed, this episode is also a good early example of Zack getting away with essentially being a sociopath.  Given $100 to start a company by teacher Mr. Tuttle (Jack Angeles, making his first welcome appearance on the show), Zack proceeds to steal Lisa’s idea of making friendship bracelets, tries to overthrow Jessie as company president (leading to Jessie forming her own company and going into the Buddy Band business), and then mercilessly exploits Screech and Lisa while doing very little work himself.  After this backfires on him, he sabotages Jessie’s company and drives her out of business.  Then, at the Max, everyone just decides to be friends again.  In fact, Zack doesn’t even flunk his business class because he learned an important lesson.  I mean, as much as I disliked Ms. Bliss, at least she actually got mad (albeit briefly) when Zack stole her money and invested in potatoes!

Anyway, this episode?  Classic!  Buddy Bands!

 

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/1/26 — 2/7/26


Bar Rescue (Paramount Plus)

On Monday, I turned over to Fave TV so that I could binge Bar Rescue and I discovered that Fave TV no longer exists!  It’s been replaced by Outlaw TV, a western channel.  I was disappointed so I watched the Pirate Bar episode of Bar Rescue online.  I hope One-Eyed Mike was able to find another job about the tavern went out of business.  He was cool.

Baywatch (Tubi)

I wrote about Baywatch here!

CHiPs (Prime)

You can read my thoughts on CHiPs here!

Decoy (Tubi)

I reviewed Decoy here!

Degrassi: The Next Generation (Tubi)

You can read my Degrassi thoughts here!

1st & Ten (Tubi)

I wrote about 1st & Ten here!

Freddy’s Nightmares (Tubi)

I reviewed Freddy’s Nightmares here!

The Grammy Awards (Sunday Night, CBS)

Watching the Grammy Awards on Sunday, I realized just how boring modern music has become.  I can’t wait for someone new to come along and hopefully remind us of what it’s like to be surprised.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Hill Street Blues (DVD)

This week, I binged the second and third seasons of this classic cop show.  It made for oddly calming background noise.  Poor LaRue, he was always getting in trouble.

Homicide: Life On The Street (Peacock TV)

You can read my thoughts on Homicide here.

King of the Hill (Hulu)

“I don’t know you.  That’s my purse!”  I was depressed on Monday but watching a classic episode of King of the Hill cheered me up!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I reviewed The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

You can read my thoughts on Miami Vice here.

Pacific Blue (Tubi)

I reviewed Pacific Blue here!

St. Elsewhere (Daily Motion)

I wrote about St. Elsewhere here!

Saved By The Bell (Tubi)

My thoughts on Saved By The Bell will be dropping 30 minutes after this post.

Saved By The Bell: The New Class (Prime)

I reviewed The New Class here!

The Winter Olympics (NBC & Peacock)

I’ve been enjoying curling!  Go Korey and Corey!  I also enjoyed watching the Parade of Nations.  I had the volume down so I didn’t hear the booing that people have been talking about.  If I had heard the booing, I would have shrugged it off.  Other countries will always hate America, for the same reason that some people are still resentful towards the rich kids from high school.  When you consider what certain countries are on the record as supporting, it’s almost an honor to be booed by them.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 1.2 “Armored Car”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week …. it’s times for volleyball!

Episode 1.12 “Armored Car”

(Dir by Michael Ray Rhoades, originally aired on January 5th, 1990)

Another pier on the verge of collapse!

(Seriously, what was the deal with California in the 90s?  Why were all the piers on the verge of collapse?  Was California just not investing in infrastructure?)

A local businessman is holding a carnival to raise funds to save the pier!  Yay!  He’s also decided that it would be a smart idea to park an extremely heavy armored car on the edge of the pier so that people can see all the money sitting inside of it.  Hey, wait a minute.  That seems kind of dumb.  Why would anyone be that stupid?  The businessman says that the armored car is sitting on the pier so that people can have their picture taken with the money.  (It’s five dollars per picture.)  That seems like a pretty stupid promotion but, beyond that, is there a reason why it has to be done on a pier that’s on the verge of collapsing?

Needless to say, the pier does start to collapse, which leaves the armored car teetering right on the edge.  A little girl is trapped in the car so Eddie and Shauni — despite it being their off-day — jump into the back of the car and save the little girl.  But then the door slams shut and the armored car falls into the ocean below.  Eddie cracks several ribs.  Shauni declares her love for him as they wait to be rescued.

Have no fear, they are rescued.  This is one of those Baywatch episodes where the emphasis is on a bunch of people working together as a team to save not only two lives but also all the money in the armored car.  This episode celebrates first responders, many of whom seem to be playing themselves.  Most of the heroes in this episode have never been seen on the show before and will probably never be seen again but they still come together to accomplish the impossible.  If you ask David Hasselhoff, episodes like this are what Baywatch was all about.  The Hoff may have a point, though I think the red swimsuits probably had more to do with the show’s eventual popularity than the earnest initial intentions.

One person who is not working to rescue Eddie and Shauni is Jill.  Jill is on the other side of the beach, taking part in a volleyball tournament.  Her partner is Trevor, the arrogant Australian lifeguard and her motivation for playing is to defeat her ex-boyfriend Chris Barron (Jon Lindstrom).  Jill aggravates an old shoulder injury while playing but she refuses to withdraw from the tournament because defeating an ex is totally worth a serious injury that could cause her to lose her job as a lifeguard.  Needless to say, Jill and Trevor win the tournament.  There’s a lot of slow motion volley ball scenes, which would probably have been more effective if not for the weird faces that Jill made whenever she had to spike the ball.  Still, seeing as how Jill is going to get eaten by a shark in just a few more episodes, we should probably be happy that she got to have a moment of triumph.

This was an average Baywatch episode.  If I cared about Jill and Trevor, their storyline would have perhaps been more effective.  As for the armored car stuff, it would have been more effective if the reason for the car being on the pier wasn’t so dumb to begin with.

Forget it, it’s Baywatch.