Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.21 “Rough Cut”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, St. Eligius loses a resident.

Episode 2.21 “Rough Cut”

(Dir by Eric Laneuville, originally aired on May 9th, 1984)

Bobby Caldwell and Joan Halloran decide to stop being Boston’s most boring couple by taking an impromptu trip to Paris.  But then Bobby catches himself in his zipper while trying to put on his pants sans underwear and the trip is cancelled.  Bobby spends the rest of the episode walking very carefully.

Fiscus agrees to pose for a story on eligible Boston bachelors and soon finds himself being photographed wearing only a bow-tie and a pair of black briefs.  That’s more of Howie Mandel than I’ve ever wanted to see.  Potential suitors start to call the hospital.  Fiscus is excited until his discovers that they’re all men.

Dr. Wendy Armstrong commits suicide.

St. Elsewhere was a show that frequently mixed comedy and drama but it was still undeniably jarring how this episode went from Howie Mandel getting half-naked and Mark Harmon stiffly moving down a hospital corridor to Dr. Armstrong downing a bunch of pills and dying in the OR.  Wendy killed herself after she was told that she would be invited back to do the second year of her residency.  (The first two seasons of St. Elsewhere represented a year in the life of its characters.)  Bulimic, feeling guilty about a patient who miscarried, and traumatized by her assault at the hands of Peter White, Wendy ended things.

Before Wendy’s suicide, Westphall, Auschlander, and Craig had decided to cut Morrison from the program.  While Craig and Auschlander respected Morrison as a person, they felt that he was still struggling as a doctor.  Seriously, Dr. Craig?  You took his dead wife’s heart but you won’t find him a place at the hospital?  However, with Wendy dead, Morrison is invited to take her spot.  Morrison accepts.  So, I guess that worked out for him.

To the surprise of no one, Dr. White is also cut from the program.  He loudly announces that he’s going to sue for his right to continue as a resident.  “I’ll be back,” he shouts, sounding like Warren Stacy at the end of 10 To Midnight Remember how that turned out?

10 To Midnight (1983, dir by J. Lee Thompson, DP: Adam Greenberg)

This was a good episode.  Even though I never really cared much for Wendy’s character, her death was still handled well and it was emotionally effecting.  Next week, the second season of St. Elsewhere comes to a close.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.19 “The Correspondent”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan is a dream warrior.

Episode 4.19 “The Correspondent”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 24th, 1988)

Journalist Hale Stoddard (Darren McGavin) sits in a South American prison cell and waits to be executed.  One-by-one, the other prisoners are dragged out of the cell and shot by the country’s new government.  Hale passes the time by writing a letter that he knows no one will ever read.

Suddenly, Hale is no longer in the cell.  Instead, he’s in the basement of his house.  And there’s Jonathan.  Jonathan explains that time has stopped and now, Hale is in his wife’s dream.  Martha (Patricia Smith) dreams of Hale never being at home.  She dreams of their son having both arms, even though he lost those arms in an accident when he was younger.  (She also dreams of their now-adult son as always being a child.)  Martha dreams about Hale’s former mistress, Eleanor (Eileen Barnett), standing around the house.  (Hale argues that Eleanor was never in the house but Jonathan explains that, in Martha’s dreams, she is.)  Hale comes to realize how often he deserted Martha because he couldn’t deal with settling down and raising a family.  And now, while Martha dreams of him, Hale is about to be shot and killed….

Except, he’s not.  It turns out that the South American prison was Hale’s dream.  When Hale wakes up, he’s still at home.  He tells Martha that he won’t be going to South American after all.

Awwww!  How sweet.

This was a bit of a weird episode but I liked it.  I appreciated how the show created Martha’s dream world by adding randomly weird details (like an oversized chair at the breakfast table, which was meant to represent Hale’s absence).  Darren McGavin gave a good performance as Hale and resisted the temptation to overact.  With the episode, the show tried to do something different and, for the most part, it succeeded.

Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.9 “Necklace of Glass”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This week, Casey discovers that New York can be a lot of fun when you know the right people.

Episode 1.9 “Necklace of Glass”

(Dir by Teddy Sills, originally aired on December 9th, 1957)

Casey goes undercover as a rich socialite in order to investigate a spree of jewelry thefts.  Unfortunately, Casey isn’t very good at her job in this episode.  Not only does she suspect the wrong person, a shady gigolo named Larry Babson (Martin E. Brooks), she also comes on too strong while trying to trick Larry into confessing.  Larry figures out that she’s a cop, finds the microphone that Casey hid in the apartment, and then storms out.  Fortunately, Larry’s wife (Rita Grapel) then shows up shortly afterwards and, not having had a chance to talk to Larry, reveals that she’s the one who has been masterminding the jewelry thefts.  Casey, who had been feeling pretty bad up until that point, promptly pulls out her badge.

I actually appreciated the fact that Casey basically blew her assignment in this episode.  Characters who are flawless and who never make mistakes are boring.  In the episode, Casey says that she was distracted by how much fun it was to pretend to be rich and it makes perfect sense.  Why wouldn’t the working class Casey enjoy the chance to live the high life for once?

The important thing is, even though she initially screwed up, Casey solved the case.  This was a good episode.  Casey wasn’t flawless but, in the end, luck was on her side.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma.  What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp.  All of the players are excited to see him.  At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise.  He’s the face of the team!  When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an acquittal touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker.  Where was he last season?  The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker.  I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room.  The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon.  Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him.  Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it.  Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field.  Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH!  T.D. looks confused.  He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee.  (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.)  Bryce is done for the season.  Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup.  That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise.  They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests.  Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s.  There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining.  That’s doesn’t mean it was good.  1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good.  But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine.  Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season.  It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings.  That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows?  I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.23 “Vicki’s Dilemma/Discount Romance/Loser & Still Champ”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Vicki is accused of corrupting a passenger!

Episode 6.23 “Vicki’s Dilemma/Discount Romance/Loser & Still Champ”

(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on March 5th, 1983)

Poor Vicki!  Finally, someone her own age — Mark Hammond (Glenn Scarpelli) — boards the boat and he turns out to be a speed freak!  In fact, he steals some amphetamines from Doc’s cabin.  (For some reason, Doc didn’t lock the medicine cabinet.  Y’know, people get fired for stuff like that….)  When the speeding Mark collapses on deck, Vicki is the first to help him.  And how does Mark thank her?  By slipping the stolen pills into Vicki’s pocket!

Mark’s mom (Elinor Donahue) accuses Vicki of getting her son hooked on speed.  Luckily, Mark has an attack of conscience and admits the truth.  (“I was going to let you take the fall but….” Mark says.)  Vicki and the Captain are surprisingly forgiving of Mark and his mom.  If I was in Vicki’s shoes, I can’t say I’d be quite so gracious about it.  Then again, I’ve been taking speed for ADD for most of my life so I would at least have an excuse for having the medicine.

Meanwhile, Gopher’s uncle (Red Buttons) boards the boat and starts selling watches out of his cabin.  He’s such a good salesman that he almost puts the boat’s gift shop out of business!  The owner of the gift shop is played by June Allyson and she’s not amused.  She and Red Button still end up falling in love though.

(I thought Juliet Mills was in charge of the gift shop.  When did June Allyson arrive?)

Finally, passenger Tom Joseph (Patrick Wayne) feels threatened because he’s got a crush on another passenger (Ann Turkel) who is a tennis star and much more athletic to him.  Every Love Boat has at least one boring story and this week, it was Tom’s story.

This was an okay episode.  Red Buttons and June Allyson were a cute old couple.  I appreciated the Vicki storyline, if just because it was one of the few times that I’ve seen this show acknowledge that Vicki really doesn’t get to spend much time with people her own age.  Captain Stubing confessed to worrying about whether or not life at sea was fair to Vicki and Gavin MacLeod delivered the lines with such sincerity that, for a few brief moments, The Love Boat became a serious drama.

This was a good cruise.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.3 “Rave On”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bike cops go undercover and essentially end up looking like a bunch of cops working undercover.

Episode 3.3 “Rave On”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on August 17, 1997)

The bike cops go undercover!

If that’s not funny enough, they go undercover as ravers.

I swear, you haven’t really laughed until you’ve laughed at the sight of the extremely stiff stars of Pacific Blue hanging out at a rave and giving each other secret signals whenever they spot anyone doing drugs.  Chris’s drink gets roofied and, as someone who has experienced that in real life, I appreciated that the show was trying to warn its viewers about leaving their drinks unattended.  Seriously, if my friends hadn’t been looking out for me that night, it scares me to think about what probably would have happened.  Still, good intentions can’t disguise just how unconvincing Darlene Vogel’s performance was.

Palermo spends this entire episode saying that the parents of teens who go to raves and take drugs should be prosecuted and jailed.  Then Palermo discovers that his sixteen year-old daughter (Johna Stewart-Boden) has been attending raves and, while she hasn’t intentionally taken any drugs, she’s stood by while her friends have.  Palermo does not arrest himself.  He does not throw himself in jail.  He does not look in the mirror and smirk and say, “Oh yeah, buddy, your parent-of-the-year.”  In other words, Lt. Palermo is a big, freaking hypocrite.

The bike cops break up the rave scene but the music will never die.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.15 “Dark Secret/The Outrageous Mr. Smith”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

“Smiles, everyone, smiles!”

Episode 7.15 “Dark Secret/The Outrageous Mr. Smith”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on March 3rd, 1984)

Eh.  I didn’t like this episode.  Sorry, Mr. Roarke, no smiles today.

Robert Smith (Engelbert Humperdinck) wants to be a singing star but he suffers from stage fright.  He’s created a smarmy alter ego who doesn’t have stage fright but he wants to be able to perform on his own, without having to retreat into a fantasy world.  His alter ego responds by coming to life and sleeping with Robert’s wife (Elaine Joyce).  Personally, if I was the writer of this episode, I would have just ended the story right there but it turns out that Robert’s alter ego only exists in his mind.  His wife walks in on Robert yelling at himself and is overjoyed to discover that Robert has finally found the confidence to perform on stage.

Just typing all of that made my head hurt.

Meanwhile, Amy Marshall (Markie Post) is married to Christopher (Larry Wilcox) but their marriage is troubles because Amy has never told Christopher that she was raped just a few days before the wedding.  She never reported the rape to the police and she’s never dealt with the trauma that she still carries with her.  This is a very sensitive subject so, of course, Fantasy Island screws it up by suggesting that Amy is somehow to blame for all of the trouble in the marriage because she didn’t tell Christopher about what happened.  Amy worries that Christopher will leave her if he finds out.  Christopher does find out and he gets mad at her for not telling him and threatens to leave, not only proving Amy’s point but also suggesting, to me, that their marriage isn’t really worth saving.  Amy deserves someone better than a guy whose response to hearing that his wife got raped is to get mad at her.  Then Amy’s rapist (Michael Callan) shows up on the island and attacks her again.  Amy fights back and is on the verge of stabbing the bastard to death when Mr. Roarke shows up and removes the knife from her hand and instead has the Fantasy Island police take the guy away.  Christopher and Amy leave the Island, their marriage stronger than ever.

Meanwhile, I had to stop myself from throwing something at the television.  First off, the story suggests that somehow Amy is to blame for not telling Christopher about what happened but Christopher’s reaction showed exactly why she didn’t tell him and it also showed that Amy’s best option would have been to get a divorce.  Then the show suggests that the best way to give Amy her fantasy of finding freedom from her trauma was to have the rapist nearly rape her again!  Mr. Roarke, at one point, states that Amy’s safety is his number one concern and that he has his entire police force looking for the rapist.  But Roarke has already been established as having God-like powers so if Roarke wanted to find the guy before he attacked Amy, he certainly could have.

As well, what is the deal with all of these criminals and assorted lowlifes making it to the Island in the first place?  Mr. Roarke often brags about running a background check on everyone who comes to the Island, which again suggests that no one comes to Fantasy Island unless Roarke wants them there.  So, why are there so many terrible people on the Island?

This episode …. ugh.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 4.18 “The Hawk and the Hunter”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, we finally meet Barizca’s family.

Episode 4.18 “The Hawk and the Hunter”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on April 5th, 1981)

In this episode, we learn a little bit more about Officer Barizca.  Played by Brodie Greer, Barizca has been an important member of the ensemble since the first season but, up until this point, we really haven’t learned much about his life outside of driving a patrol car and directing traffic at crash sites.

It turns out that Barizca’s father, Pete (Sandy McPeak), is a crop duster.  When it becomes clear that Pete is getting too old to fly his airplane, Barizca takes a leave of absence from the Highway Patrol so that he can help out.  Hopefully, Barizca will find the courage to finally tell his father that it’s time to retire.

Meanwhile, there’s an environmentalist nutjob named Lyle (Dwight Schultz) who is convinced that the Barizcas are spreading poison with their airplane.  Lyle has been sending threats to Pete so, eventually Barizca flies over Lyle and covers him in pesticide to help the Highway Patrol arrest him.  So, I guess Lyle really is going to die now.

At the end of the episode, Pete retires and Barizca returns to patrolling the highways.

This was an okay episode, in that the scenery was nice and I did appreciate that the show made an effort to focus on something other than Ponch being the best at everything.  Dwight Shultz was believably unhinged as Lyle and there was an interesting tension between him and Baker as both of them were Vietnam vets.  Unfortunately, the Barizcas themselves just weren’t that interesting.  This episode was a case of “You’ve seen one strained father-son relationship, you’ve seen them all.”

That said, I hope next week’s episode will introduce us to Grossman’s family.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.3 “Heart of Night”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Castillo gets an adventure of his own.

Episode 5.3 “Heart of Night”

(Dir by Paul Krasny, originally aired on November 18th, 1988)

This is season 5’s Castillo episode.

Castillo got to be at the center of one episode per season.  Usually, it involved someone from his past resurfacing and Castillo having to go full samurai (or ninja, as the case may be) to protect them.  That’s certainly the case here, in which Castillo’s ex-wife (Rosalind Chao, replacing Joan Chen) approaches Castillo because she and her husband (James Saito) are being targeted by Rivas (Bob Gunton), an Ecuadorian drug dealer who — *sigh* — has connections to the CIA.

This episode wasn’t really bad.  It just felt awfully familiar.  Even Edward James Olmos, who usually shined whenever he got a solo adventure, seems kind of bored in this episode.  At this point in the series, there was really nothing surprising about the revelation that a South American drug lord was working with the CIA.  Just about every drug lord on the show was portrayed as working for the CIA.  It’s also not a surprise when Castillo’s ex’s new husband turns out to be corrupt.  The episode ends with Castillo watching as the women he still loves walk away from him and, again, been there done that.  Almost this entire episode felt like Miami Vice on autopilot.

Crockett appeared for about two minutes in this episode.  He has his memory back and he’s working for the Vice Squad again.  Castillo points out that Crockett is still being investigated for numerous murders and he suggests that Crockett take some time off.  Crockett reluctantly agrees.  Shouldn’t Crockett be in prison right now?  The man was the biggest drug lord in Miami.  He killed a cop (albeit in self-defense).  I’m surprised he would be allowed back into the Vice Squad with all that hanging over him.  If not sitting in jail, Crockett should at least be under suspension.

It’s just another weird day in Miami.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi: The Next Generation 1.10 “Rumors and Relationships”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi: The Next Generation, which aired from 2001 to 2015!  The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, Emma tries to destroy someone’s life.

Episode 1.10 “Rumors and Relationships”

(Dir by Paul Fox, originally aired on May 20th, 2002)

This episode features Spinner at his best and Emma at her worst.

Let’s get Emma out of the way first.  When Emma happens to see Liberty and Coach Armstrong alone in a classroom together, she assumes that Armstrong is hitting on Liberty.  She tells Manny about her suspicions.  Terri overhears and tells Sean.  Sean tells Spinner.  Spinner tells Jimmy.  Jimmy tells Paige.  Paige tells Hazel (Andrea Lewis).  Hazel tells Ashley.  Ashley tells Liberty.  Liberty gets upset.  When Emma sees Liberty crying, Emma ask Liberty about her and Armstrong.  Liberty swears on her life that Armstrong was not hitting on her.  Emma wonders how the rumor got started–

Uhmm, Emma …. YOU STARTED IT!

Emma promises Liberty that she will work her backwards to find the person who started the rumor–

IT WAS YOU, EMMA!  YOU STARTED THE RUMOR!

Because Emma is apparently incapable of remember what she said earlier in the day, she goes from Ashley to Hazel to Page to Spinner (she skips Jimmy) to Sean and eventually she confronts Terri.  Emma says that the rumor is all over the school and it’s all Terri’s fault.

Terri, quite sensibly, points out that Emma is the one who started the rumor.

Now, in her defense, Emma does feel bad about starting the rumor.  When Mr. Raditch calls Coach Armstrong out into the hall to tell him about the rumors, Emma walks up and confesses that it’s her fault.  But one thing Emma doesn’t do is really apologize.  In fact, when she later talks to Liberty, she instead acts as if it is somehow Liberty’s fault for not telling Emma why she was in a classroom alone with Armstrong in the first place.  Liberty finally admits that she had dyscalculia (which is dyslexia but with numbers) and that Armstrong — THE MATH TEACHER — has been tutoring her and helping her not to feel bad about it.  Emma again asks why Liberty just didn’t tell her that to begin with.

Hey, Emma — maybe Liberty didn’t tell you because IT’S NONE OF YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS!

The episode ends with Liberty telling Emma that, when it comes to helping people, Emma sucks.  And Liberty certainly has a point.

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, Spinner discovers a bug in his food.  “Boycott the caf!” he yells, “it has earwigs!”  Unfortunately, no one believes Spinner.  So, the next day, Spinner collects a bunch of bugs and takes them into the cafeteria.  He thinks that if someone else sees a bug and reports it, they will be believed and someone will call an exterminator.  Of course, the only thing that anyone sees is Spiner carrying a tub of bugs.  The bugs get free and Spinner is sentenced to work in the cafeteria until he’s paid off the $300 that it’s going to cost the school to have the cafeteria exterminated.

“But it needed to be exterminated anyways!” Spinner says.

This was classic Spinner.  Even when he cares about Degrassi, no one listens.  It’s a little bit gross that he was carrying around a tub of living bugs but his heart was in the right place.

Spinner’s the best!