Tag Archives: movie

Let’s Talk About Roboshark!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In case you missed it, it is currently Shark Week on the SyFy network.  (Or, as the Snarkalecs and I like to call it, Snark Week!)  Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No will be premiering this Wednesday and, in honor of that historic event, SyFy has devoted this week to broadcasting some of their trademark original movies.  Along with showing such classics as Jersey Shore Shark Attack, Shark Week, Two-Headed Shark Attack, and Ghost Shark, SyFy is also premiering 6 new shark films.

Roboshark, the first of these premieres, was aired on Saturday night.  Now, obviously, there was no way that I would be able to resist watching a film with a title like Roboshark.

 Roboshark, like many great SyFy films, opens with something falling out of the sky and landing in the ocean.  A chunk of UFO plunges into the water and is promptly eaten by a normal, every day shark.  Soon, that shark is transformed into … ROBOSHARK!  With its fins glowing red and a twitter account of his very own, Roboshark attacks Seattle.

That’s right!  Roboshark destroys a Starbucks, eats hipsters, and eventually takes out an eccentric billionaire named Bill Glates (Steve Sires) and it’s all a lot of fun to watch.  And before everyone decides to leave a snarky comment pointing out my typo, allow me to assure you that the character was indeed named Bill Glates.  However, he looked and sounded just like Bill Gates and, seeing as how Windows 8.1 has had 40 updates this month alone, there was something undeniably satisfying about seeing him get eaten by a roboshark.

Roboshark-SyFy

As often happens in SyFy film, Roboshark isn’t really bad.  He’s just misunderstood.  He uses his twitter account to communicate with Melody (Vanessa Grasse), the daughter of Trish (Alexis Peterman), the local “wacky weathergirl” who is looking to prove herself as a serious journalist by covering the roboshark attack.  Unfortunately, Trish continually finds herself overshadowed by her rival reporter, Veronica (Laura Dale, giving a nicely comedic performance).

Meanwhile, Trish’s husband, Rick (Matt Rippy), has been half-recruited and half-kidnapped by Admiral Black (brilliant Nigel Barber), who is determined to save the world from Roboshark, even if he has to destroy the Seattle Space Needle to do it.  (“But the Space Needle is the symbol of Seattle!” Rick protests.)  Admiral Black is addicted to energy drinks and seems to be having a lot of fun being the craziest guy in the room.  His character was a lot of fun.

Actually, the whole film is a lot of fun.  Roboshark is a great example of everything that we love about SyFY films.  It was a deliberately over-the-top film full of inside jokes and a really cool monster.  And I’m not just saying that because Roboshark retweeted me several times on Saturday night.

(Though he totally did!  Love you, Roboshark!)

Roboshark is the type of film that must be watched with a large group of people looking to have a good (and silly) time.  It’s the type of film that literally begged to be live tweeted and, needless to say, that’s exactly what a lot of us did.  Here are just a few tweets from the epic Roboshark live tweet:

If you missed Roboshark the first time, keep an eye out for it!  It’s everything we love about SyFy shark movies!

We love you, Roboshark!

We love you, Roboshark!

 

Playing Catch-Up With 6 Film Reviews: Avengers Grimm, Bad Asses On The Bayou, Hayride 2, Insurgent, Poltergeist, Tomorrowland

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here are 6 films that I saw during the first half of 2015.  Some of them are on Netflix and some of them were major studio releases.  Some of them are worth seeing.  Some of them most definitely are not.

Avengers_Grimm

Avengers Grimm (dir by Jeremy M. Inman)

Obviously made to capitalize on the popularity of Avengers: Age of Ultron, Avengers Grimm opens with a war in the world of fairy tales.  Evil Rumpelstiltskin (Casper Van Dien) uses Snow White’s (Laura Parkinson) magic mirror to cross over into our world and he takes Snow White with him!  It’s now up to Cinderella (Milynn Sharley), Sleeping Beauty (Marah Fairclough), and Rapunzel (Rileah Vanderbilt) to cross over into our world, save Snow White, and defeat Rumpelstiltskin.  Also sneaking over is rebellious Red Riding Hood (Elizabeth Petersen) who is determined to kill Rumpelstiltskin’s henchman, The Wolf (Kimo Leopoldo).  

Got all that?

Avengers Grimm is another enjoyably insane mockbuster from The Asylum.  The budget’s low, the performances are intentionally melodramatic, and it’s all lot of fun.  Casper Van Dien has a lot of fun playing evil, the women all get to kick ass, and Lou Ferrigno is well-cast as a labor leader named Iron John.

Avengers Grimm is currently available on Netflix.

Bad_Asses_on_the_Bayou

Bad Asses On The Bayou (dir by Craig Moss)

Apparently, this is the third film in which Danny Trejo and Danny Glover have respectively played Frank Vega and Bernie Pope, two old guys who kick ass in between worrying about their prostates.  I haven’t seen the previous two Bad Asses films but I imagine that it really doesn’t matter.

In this film, Trejo and Glover go to Louisiana to attend a friend’s wedding.  When she’s kidnapped, they have to rescue her and impart some important life lessons to her younger brother.  It’s all pretty predictable but then again, it’s also pretty good for a film called Bad Asses On The Bayou.  This is a film that promises two things: Danny Trejo kicking ass and lots of bayou action.  And it delivers on both counts.

In fact, I would say that Bad Asses On The Bayou is a better showcase for Danny Trejo’s unique style than the better known Machete films.  Danny Trejo is a surprisingly adept comedic actor and he gives a performance here that shows his talent goes beyond mere physical presence.

Bad Asses On The Bayou is currently available on Netflix.

hayride-2

Hayride 2 (dir by Terron R. Parsons)

I should admit up front that I haven’t seen the first Hayride film.  Luckily, Hayride 2 picks up directly from the end of the first film and is filled with so many flashbacks and so much conversation about what happened that it probably doesn’t matter.

Essentially, Pitchfork (Wayne Dean) is a murderous urban legend who turns out to be real.  He killed a lot of people in the first film and he stalks those that escaped throughout the 2nd film.  Like all good slasher villains, Pitchfork is a relentless killer.  He’s also an unrepentant racist, which leads to a genuinely unpleasant scene where he attacks a black detective (Corlandos Scott).  Say whatever else you will about the film, Hayride 2 deserves some credit for being on the side of the victims.  No attempt is made to turn Pitchfork into an anti-hero and the movie is relentlessly grim.

Hayride 2 is an odd film.  The film’s low-budget is obvious in every single scene.  The pacing is abysmal and the performances are amateurish.  And yet, when taken on its own meager terms, it has a dream-like intensity to it that I appreciated.  Then again, I always have had a weakness for low-budget, regional horror films.

Hayride 2 is available on Netflix.

Insurgent_poster

Insurgent (dir by Robert Schwentke)

Insurgent is both the sequel to Divergent and was also 2015’s first YA dystopia film.  Shailene Woodley is as good as ever and I guess it’s good that she has a commercially successful franchise, which will hopefully inspire audiences to track down better Shailene Woodley films like The Spectacular Now.  

All that said, Insurgent often felt even more pointless than Divergent.  For a two-hour film featuring performers like Woodley, Kate Winslet, Octavia Spencer, Ansel Elgort, and Miles Teller, Insurgent has no excuse for being as forgettable and boring as it actually was.  The next installment in The Hunger Games can not get here soon enough.

Poltergeist_2015_poster

Poltergeist (dir by Gil Kenan)

When a family (led by Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt) move into a new house, they discover that everything is not what it seems.  For one thing, they come across a bunch of creepy clown dolls.  They also hear a lot of scary sounds.  They discover that the house was built on an old cemetery.  Their youngest daughter vanishes.  And finally, someone says, “Isn’t this like that old movie that was on TCM last night?”

Okay, they don’t actually say that.  However, as everyone knows, the 2015 Poltergeist is a remake of the 1982 Poltergeist.  Since the 1982 Poltergeist still holds up fairly well, the 2015 Poltergeist feels incredibly unnecessary.  It has a few good jump scenes and it’s always good to see Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt in lead roles but ultimately, who cares?  It’s just all so pointless.

Watch the wall-dancing original.  Ignore the remake.

Tomorrowland_poster

Tomorrowland (dir by Brad Bird)

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!  Wow, is it ever boring!

Actually, I feel a little bit bad about just how much I disliked Tomorrowland because this is a film that really did have the best intentions.  Watching the film, you get the sinking feeling that the people involved actually did think that they were going to make the world a better place.  Unfortunately, their idea of a better world is boring and almost oppressively optimistic.  There is no room for cynicism in Tomorrowland.  Bleh.  What fun is that?

Anyway, the film basically steals its general idea from the Atlas Shrugged trilogy.  Tomorrowland is a secret place that is inhabited by inventors, dreamers, and iconoclasts.  Years ago, Frank (George Clooney) was banished from Tomorrowland because, after learning that the Earth was destined to end, he lost “hope” in mankind’s future.  Fortunately, he meets Casey (Britt Robertson), who is full of hope and through her, he gets to return.  They also get a chance to save the world and battle a cartoonish super villain played by Hugh Laurie.  (Why is he a villain?  Because he’s played by Hugh Laurie, of course!)

After all the hype and build-up, Tomorrowland turned out to be dull and predictable.  What a shame.  The Atlas Shrugged trilogy was at least fun because it annoyed the hipsters at the AV Club.  Tomorrowland is just forgettable.

Film Review: Faults (dir by Riley Stearns)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Faults_(film)_POSTER

Faults is many things.

It’s a character study.  It’s a thriller.  It’s a deeply unsettling horror film.  It’s a darker-than-dark comedy that will make you laugh even while you’re glancing over your shoulder to make sure there are no strangers hiding in the shadows.  It’s a look at religion, faith, free will, and guilt.  It’s a declaration that a major talent — writer/director Riley Stearns — has arrived.  It’s an acting showcase for both Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Leland Orser.  It’s a film that found success on the festival circuit and then had an all-too brief theatrical release in March.  It’s also a film that’s currently available on Netflix.  Finally, it’s one of the best films of the year so far.

When we first meet professional cult deprogrammer Ansel Roth (Leland Orser), he is eating dinner in a hotel restaurant and desperately trying to convince his waiter that he has an agreement with management, guaranteeing him free meals while staying at the hotel.  After Ansel is kicked out of the restaurant, he then tries to convince the hotel manager that his room is supposed to be free as well.  The manager gives Ansel an hour to check out.

As quickly becomes apparent, Ansel is nearly broke and he’s living out of his car.  What little money he has, he makes from giving sparsely attended lecture where he literally begs people to pay fifteen dollars to get a copy of his latest book.  After his lectures, Ansel is willing to sign his new book at a cost of five dollars per signature.

(At one point, when someone asks Ansel to sign his previous book, Ansel abruptly explains that he no longer signs that book.  If you want his five dollar autograph, you have to first pay fifteen dollars to get his new book.)

At one point, Ansel was a minor celebrity with his own talk show but, after a girl he deprogrammed subsequently committed suicide, Ansel’s life fell apart.  His latest book is self-published and his former manager, the oddly polite Terry (Jon Gries), claims that Ansel owes him money.  Terry’s enforcer, Mick (the always intimidating Lance Reddick), is stalking Ansel from cheap motel to cheap motel.

However, things start to look up for Ansel when he’s approached by Paul (Chris Ellis) and Evelyn (Beth Grant).  They explain that their daughter, Claire (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), has joined a cult known as Faults and is a follower of a mysterious figure named Ira.  They ask Ansel to deprogram her.  Ansel agrees to do so and charges them $20,000.

After Ansel and two “assistants” literally grab Claire off the street, they take her to a cheap motel where, behind locked doors, Ansel starts to try to deprogram Claire.  However, from the start, Ansel discovers that it’s going to be more difficult than he realized.

For one thing, Claire remains calm throughout the whole kidnapping and, even when locked in the shabby motel room, is confident that she is about to “move on” and achieve a higher level of existence.  When Paul and Evelyn show up and try to talk to Claire, it turns out that they’re not quite the loving parents that they initially presented themselves as being.  Paul, in particular, reveals himself to have a fierce temper and he demands that Claire change into clothes that would be more appropriate for a teenager than for an adult.  When Ansel suggests that the overbearing Paul should back off, Paul replies that he “knows” what Ansel truly wants to do with Claire.

Secondly, even as Ansel tries to deprogram Claire, he still has to deal with Terry and Mick.  Neither one of them is particularly concerned about whether or not Ansel can pull Claire away from Faults.  Instead, Terry just wants his money.

And finally, even as Ansel tries to keep control of the situation, he is personally falling apart.  He finds himself having sudden nosebleeds.  At one point, his suit spontaneously combusts into flame.  (Believe it or not, there is a relatively plausible reason for why this happens but that doesn’t make it even less shocking.)  When Ansel falls asleep in the motel room, he subsequently wakes up in his car and has no memory of how he got there.

And through it all, Claire remains a seductive and manipulative enigma.  Sometimes she’s cold and in control.  Other times, she’s surprisingly vulnerable.  Ansel finds himself both attracted to and frightened of Claire.  Throughout the film, Ansel insists that he has “free will” but Claire forces him to reconsider that assumption.

Faults is a low-key and disturbing film that is distinguished by a very dark and cynical sense of humor.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead is amazing as the mysterious Claire while Leland Orser is wonderfully desperate and surprisingly sympathetic as Ansel.  When Faults first started, I was concerned that, since it largely takes place in one cramped motel room, the film would be too stagey to be effective.  But director Riley Stearns does amazing work with that one location and, as a result, Faults is one of those rare films that actually gets more intriguing the deeper you get into it.

Faults is currently available on Netflix and you should watch it.

Here’s the Trailer for The Revenant!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the first trailer for The Revenant, director Alejandro Inarritu’s follow-up to the Oscar-winning Birdman, which I thought was overrated but everyone else in the world seemed to love it.

A lot of people are speculating that The Revenant could be a major player in the 2015 Oscar race and the trailer certainly does look exciting.  Leonardo DiCaprio has never won an Oscar and Tom Hardy has never even been nominated, so both of them are due for a little Academy love.  Plus, The Revenant co-stars the suddenly very prolific Domhnall Gleeson, who was great in both Ex Machina and Unbroken and who is destined to be nominated some day.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #131: Bad Blood (dir by Adam Silver)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched a Lifetime film that originally aired in March, Bad Blood.

Lifetime-movie-Bad-Blood-March-2015

Why Was I Watching?

The main reason that I watched it was so I could get it off of my DVR.  I recorded Bad Blood when it originally aired in March, fully planning to promptly review it.  However, for whatever reason, I never got around to writing that review and Bad Blood sat, for 4 months, on my DVR.  Last night, I decided to rewatch Bad Blood, review Bad Blood, and finally erase Bad Blood!  (I need the space for all the shark movies that are going to be SyFy this week.)

What Was It About?

Bad Blood was a typical Lifetime mix of empowerment and exploitation.  Serial killer Oscar Marcus (Brett Rickaby) is dying of leukemia so he’s kidnapping, torturing, and murdering victims all across the southwest so that he can exchange his bad blood for their good blood.  (Or something like that — Bad Blood was not exactly an easy film to follow.)  However, because Oscar had a bone marrow transplant five years earlier, he’s not leaving his DNA behind at the crime scenes.  Instead, he’s leaving behind the DNA of his donor, Lauren (Taylor Cole).

And, since this is a Lifetime film, Lauren has both a mysterious past and a boyfriend involved in law enforcement.  However, when Lauren’s DNA starts to show up at crime scenes, that boyfriend is forced to arrest her.  (That’ll kill a relationship.)

However, Oscar rescues Lauren from the cops because he wants her blood.  And then Lauren escapes Oscar and teams up with her estranged father (Jeff Kober) to prove her innocence…

What Worked?

It’s strange.  I really didn’t like Bad Blood the first time I saw it but the second time, I discovered that it wasn’t as bad as I remembered.  There were a few strikingly atmospheric scenes towards the end of the film and there was something oddly charming about the film’s refusal to make any logical sense.

Jeff Kober was good as the irresponsible father and Brett Rickaby was a chillingly believable murderer.  The second time I watched the film, I better appreciated Taylor Cole’s performance as well.

What Did Not Work?

Bad Blood was not as bad as I remembered it being but it’s still not one of my favorite Lifetime films.  The pacing was off in a few key scenes and Lauren’s romance with the sheriff was pretty dull. As well, I didn’t care much for the film’s ending.  After what those people went through, everyone should have been a lot more traumatized.  Instead, it ended in a typically upbeat Lifetime sort of way.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

I related to Lauren’s relationship with her dad.  Plus, Lauren’s a runner just like me!  (Lauren was also an auto mechanic, which was a totally “Oh my God!  Definitely not like me!” moment.)

Lessons Learned

DNA is a lot trickier than I thought.

Here’s the Trailer For Joy

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the trailer for the latest David O. Russell/Jennifer Lawrence/Bradley Cooper/Robert De Niro film, Joy!

Joy is scheduled to be released in December, just in time for Oscar consideration and, judging from this trailer, it looks like it may just get it.  After watching this, Joy has gone from being a film that I was barely aware of to being one of my most anticipated films of the year.

(That said, I still think the first trailer for American Hustle is the best trailer of Russell/Lawrence/Cooper/De Niro trilogy…)

What Lisa Watched Last Night #130: Double Daddy (dir by Lee Friedlander)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Why was I tired enough to tweet that?  Because late last night, after a very long day of work and dance, I rewatched the Lifetime original movie Double Daddy.

Double Daddy

Why Was I Watching It?

I’m still in the process of trying to clear up space on my DVR.  So, last night, as I battled my need for sleep, I forced myself to rewatch a Lifetime film from June so that I could review it and erase it.  I didn’t care much for Double Daddy the first time that I watched it and the second time, I cared for it even less.

And, of course, because I stayed up to watch it a second time, I was exhausted for most of today.  Bleh.

What Was It About?

BLEH!

Okay, I guess that doesn’t tell you much.  Connor (Cameron Palatas) is a high school jock who, at the start of the film, is drunkenly stumbling around the most boring high school party ever.  New girl Heather (Brittany Curran) ends up having a one night stand with him.  As a result, Heather gets pregnant.  At the same time, Connor’s girlfriend, Amanda (Mollee Gray), discovers that she’s pregnant as well!

That’s right — Connor’s about to be a double daddy!

Of course, since this is a Lifetime film, Heather is also a psycho who carries a knife and starts to plot Amanda’s death…

It all probably sounds more interesting than it actually is.

What Worked?

I was tempted to say that nothing worked about Double Daddy but that’s not quite true.  Brittany Curran was memorably demented in the role of Heather.  In fact, she gave such a good performance that I found myself rooting for Heather, regardless of how much of a murderous psycho she eventually turned out to be.  Heather may have been crazy but at least she wasn’t boring.

What Did Not Work?

I’m just going to say it: of the many Lifetime films that I’ve watched over the years, Double Daddy is one of my least favorite.  No, it’s not as bad as The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story but then again, what is?  With the exception of Brittany Curran, the performances are dull and the actors get no help from a script that is both heavy-handed and simple-minded.

Perhaps worst of all, there’s a nasty strain of slut shaming that runs through Double Daddy.  Amanda and Heather are held to different standards while Connor is held to no standard at all.  Judgmental and bland Amanda is presented as being saintly, largely because she only has sex with a serious boyfriend and presumably only after finishing her homework.  Heather, on the other hand, becomes pregnant as the result of a drunken one night stand and, perhaps not surprisingly, is also portrayed as being a complete psycho who eventually tries to murder Amanda.  While we’re obviously meant to feel sorry for Amanda, the film allows absolutely no sympathy for Heather.  Completely absolved of any responsibility is Connor, who we are actually supposed to feel sorry for because crazy Heather is keeping him from being with Amanda, the same girl that he previously cheated on!  BLEH!

As well, let’s consider the fact that saintly Amanda and victimized Connor both come from typical upper class Lifetime families while Heather is the only character to come from a lower class background.

Seriously, exploring the subtext of Double Daddy is not a pleasant activity.

What makes all this especially upsetting is that Double Daddy was directed by Lee Friedlander, who previously directed the brilliant Babysitter’s Black Book.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Much like Heather, I always used school field trips as an excuse to go off on my own.  I never pulled a knife on anyone though.

Lessons Learned

We live in a twisted and hypocritical world.

Forget The Gallows

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The_Gallows_Poster

The new horror film The Gallows is pretty dire.  It’s boring, it’s forgettable, and – worst of all – it’s not really scary.  And yet, I would argue that The Gallows is actually providing a fairly valuable service for horror films lovers.

The Gallows is a found footage horror movie and sometimes, it’s easy to forget just how bad found footage horror movies can be.  Every once and a while, a film will be released that actually makes good use of the whole found footage gimmick.  Movies like The Last Exorcism, Devil’s Due, Apollo 18, and Unfriended are all good horror films but, at the same time, it’s important to remember that they are the exception to the rule.  The Gallows may be a total crapfest but it’s a necessary evil because it serves to remind us of why so many horror films have gone to hate found footage films.

As for The Gallows itself, it tells a story that will be familiar to anyone who has seen a horror film.  20 years ago, during a high school production of a play called The Gallows, a student named Charlie was accidentally hanged.  Now, in the present, the school is commemorating the anniversary by putting on another production of The Gallows and…

Excuse me?

Yes, I know that makes no sense.  What can I tell you?  This is a crappy film.

Anyway, Charlie’s role is being played by a kid named Reese but Reese doesn’t really want to be in the play. He’s just doing it because he has a crush on his co-star, Pfieffer.  So, Reese’s obnoxious jock friend, Ryan, suggests that they should break into the school at night and trash the set.  That way, the play will be canceled and Reese can comfort Pfieffer.  Reese agrees and…

What was that you asked?

Yes, the film really is that stupid.

So, Reese, Ryan, and Ryan’s girlfriend Cassidy break into the school and trash the set.  However, before they can really get into destroying stuff, Pfieffer shows up and demands to know what they’re doing.  And then suddenly the doors slam shut and everyone’s trapped in the school and hey, there’s the evil spirit of Charlie and he wants to hang everyone…

But guess what!

Charlie’s not just a random evil spirit, seeking out anyone foolish enough to break into the school at night.  If that was the case, he might actually be scary.  No, Charlie actually has a backstory and a much more complicated motive for wanting to kill everyone.  And I’m not going to spoil the film for anyone who wants to see it so I’ll just say this.

Charlie’s motives?  They’re really, really stupid.

And, of course, the whole film is found footage!  So, once again, we get the whole shaky cam thing and people saying stuff like, “Are you filming?” and all the rest.  And, of course, all of the characters share the same first name as their actors because … well, I’m not sure what the point of that is exactly.  It’s not like we’re going to be fooled into thinking that we’re watching an actual event.  There have been way too many crappy found footage films released recently for anyone to fall for that.

Admittedly, I did jump once or twice while watching The Gallows.  But any horror film can get me to jump once or twice.  The Gallows is a boring and listless film but, at the very least, it does serve as a warning.

Beware found footage horror films.  They promise much yet rarely do they deliver.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #129: Accidental Obsession (dir by George Erschbamer)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the Lifetime premiere of Accidental Obsession.

Caroline Cave stars in Accidental Obsession

Caroline Cave stars in Accidental Obsession

Why Was I Watching It?

After A Deadly Adoption, Trigger Point, and Lethal Seduction, it is obvious that Lifetime is on a roll.  In the future, when we look back at the history of Lifetime movies, 2015 will definitely be seen as a high point.  Naturally, how could I not excited by the idea of a Lifetime movie premiering on Sunday?  Surely, Accidental Obsession would prove to be yet another Lifetime masterpiece…

What Was It About?

After Carly (Caroline Cave) escapes from a mental asylum, she murders and steals the identity of a travel writer named Vanessa.  She then manages to meet and befriend an attorney named Heather (Josie Davis).

Within a matter of days, Vanessa has become clingy and possessive.  Not only does she regularly break into Heather’s house but she borrows Heather’s clothes without asking as well!  (Breaking and entering is one thing.  Borrowing without asking permission is something else all together!)  However, it turns out that Vanessa is not the only person obsessed with Heather.  There’s also Heather’s ex-husband, Ray (Sebastian Spence) and a private investigator named Jack (Marc Menard).

(This movie could have just as easily been called Everyone Loves Heather.)

How far will Vanessa go to have Heather all to herself?  Well, Vanessa is kind of a crazy stabby psycho so you can probably guess what ends up happening.

What Worked?

Josie Davis is a Lifetime veteran and, as a result, she knew exactly the right type of performance to give in a film like Accidental Obsession.  As well, Caroline Cave gave a good performance as the psycho Vanessa.

What Did Not Work?

Sad to say, this was definitely a lesser Lifetime film.  The film opens with Carly stabbing Vanessa to death with a huge butcher knife.  Despite the fact that Carly stabbed Vanessa repeatedly, there’s absolutely no blood seen on the knife or Carly afterwards.  It was distracting and it pretty much set the tone for the entire film.  Accidental Obsession definitely felt like a movie that was too rushed to pay much attention to details like blood.

Naturally, all Lifetime film require a certain suspension of disbelief.  Accidental Obsession required a bit too much suspending.  For the entire film’s plot to even come close to making sense, Heather had to be a total and complete idiot.  And it’s true that there are idiots out there but they usually don’t make for compelling protagonists.

There’s also a scene of totally gratuitous animal cruelty.  While I understand that the filmmakers were trying to show us how crazy and dangerous Vanessa really was, those two facts had already been pretty firmly established.  As a result, the scene just felt sadistic and unnecessary.

Finally, Accidental Obsession is way too generic of a title.  Add to that, no one’s obsession was really accidental.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

You meet someone, you try to be nice, and the next thing you know, that person is determined to be a part of every minute of your life.  Yes, Lifetime, I’ve been there…

Lessons Learned

Be suspicious of people who steal identities, want to be your best friend, and attempt to stab your ex-husband to death.  They’re probably up to no good.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #128: Lethal Seduction (dir by Nancy Leopardi)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Lethal Seduction!

dina-meyer-at-lethal-seduction-2015-stills_3

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime, of course!  Plus, with a name like Lethal Seduction, you knew it had to be good.  It’s not quite as great a title as A Deadly Adoption or Babysitter’s Black Book but it’s close.

What Was It About?

Mark Richards (Caleb Ruminer) seems like he has a great future ahead of him.  He’s a high school senior who has invented a new app and who is going to be attending Princeton in the fall.  Sweet Melanie (Tessa Harnetiaux) has a crush on him.  His best friend, Walter (Sam Lerner), is so desperately uncool that he makes Mark look really hot by comparison.  His widowed mother, Tanya (Amanda Detmer), is extremely overprotective but, fortunately, she’s being distracted by her new boyfriend, Randy (Brian Smith).

(Randy and Tanya work at the local aquarium and the entire film is full of oddly pensive close-ups of sharks and jellyfish swimming around.  They don’t have anything to do with the plot but they are pretty to look at.)

One day, while at the hardware store, Mark meets Carissa (Dina Meyer).  Carissa invites Mark home with her and soon, Mark is showering with Carissa, swimming naked with Carissa, having sex with Carissa, and getting handcuffed by Carissa.  (And why not?  App developers are sexy!)  Walter is jealous.  Melanie is scared.  And Tanya does not approve, especially after Carissa starts to encourage Mark to skip college and instead, move in with her.

That’s right, Carissa is an obsessive and homicidal cougar!  And, just in case you needed any reminded that she’s crazy, the film is called Lethal Seduction…

What Worked?

This film was a lot of fun.  Frequent TSL commenter Doc Zeke and I had a lot of fun live tweeting it over on twitter.  The film is totally melodramatic, over the top, and ridiculous in that wonderful Lifetime fashion.  It was all very silly but it was a lot of fun as well.

Plus, Dina Meyer fully committed herself to playing the murderous Carissa.  She gleefully attacked the role with almost as much energy that Carissa devoted to attacking anyone who dared to stand between her and Mark.

What Did Not Work?

The film is full of close-ups of sharks and yet the sharks themselves are never really relevant to the plot.  Don’t introduce a shark unless someone’s going to end up getting eaten by the end of the film.

“OMG!  Just like me!” Moments

I related to Melanie.  It’s unfortunate that neither Mark nor fate treated her better.

Lessons Learned

All of Mark’s troubles could have been avoided if he had just listened to his mother and done exactly what she said.  That’s actually a pretty common Lifetime lesson.