Tag Archives: Horror

Horror Film Review: Empire of the Ants (dir by Bert I. Gordon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Ants are interesting creatures.  On the one hand, they work hard and they can design and build a complex home in just a matter of hours.  They’re loyal to the other members of their tribe and they all happily do whatever needs to be done to keep their community healthy and moving forward.  They’re family-orientated.  They take care of their children.  They eat earth worms.  They fight other ants.  They can carry several pounds over their own weight.  They like to move in a single-file line.  These are all things that people, in general, admire.  If you had to hire someone to do some yardwork, you would want someone who had the attitude of an ant.

At the same time, ants also have no respect for privacy, they tend to get everywhere, and they bite you and leave behind those ugly red marks that take forever to go away and that can itch like heck.  I was once outside barefoot, helping someone wash his car, when I suddenly felt a really intense pain in my foot.  I looked down and saw that I had stepped straight into an ant hill.  It was not only an ant hill but it was a FIRE ANT HILL!  I grabbed a hose and I washed all of the ants off my foot but it was still one of the most painful experiences of my life.  Ants are hard-working and industrious but they’re also kind of mean and they really don’t like humans.  (Maybe they would like us more if people stopped kicking ant hills and using magnifying glasses to set them on fire.)  Ants will break into your house and then bite you when you tell them to go away.  My point is that you might like ants but ants do not like you and you better remember that!

The 1977 film, Empire of the Ants, is all about humanity’s mixed feelings towards ants.  Joan Collins plays a shady real estate agent who leads a group of potential home buyers into the bayou because she wants to trick them into buying some worthless property on a nearby island.   What Collins and her clients don’t know is that a barrel of radioactive waste was recently dumped off of a nearby boat and when the waste washed on shore, a bunch of ants got into it and it caused them to become giant ants!  The giant ants are industriously creating their own sugar-based society but they’re also attacking and brainwashing humans!

Needless to say, this is a Bert I. Gordon film.  Gordon took his “Mr. Big” nickname quite literally and, as a result, he spent almost his entire career making movies about animals and occasionally humans who were turned into giants by radiation.  Apparently, radiation can do anything!  Empire of the Ants is a typical Gordon film, in that the special effects are just bad enough to be kind of charming.  The ants are either awkwardly super-imposed into the scene or they are clearly made out of plastic.  There’s a scene where an ant grabs a man by his neck and it would be really terrifying if not for the fact that the ant’s head appears to have been made from Styrofoam.  Unfortunately, even though the special effects are bad in an amusing way, Empire of the Ants is still a pretty boring film.  Gordon devotes way too much time to the people heading out to look at Joan Collins’s beachfront property.  No one is watching a film like this for human drama.

This movie is based on a short story by H.G. Wells.  Wells, reportedly, considered it to be the worst thing he had ever written.

Horror Film Review: Beginning of the End (dir by Bert I. Gordon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1957 film, Beginning of the End, is perhaps the ultimate horror film for people who dislike Illinois.

Because it’s a Bert I. Gordon film and Gordon took his “Mr. Big” nickname seriously, it deals with giant monsters.  In this case, the monsters are a bunch of locust who ate all of this radioactive grain that was being stored in a silo.  The locusts grew to giant size and then they went on a rampage.

Fortunately, the rampage appears to be localized to Illinois.  Apparently, the locusts have enough respect for state boundaries that they know better than to hop into Indiana, Missouri, or Wisconsin.  Instead, the locusts take out the farming community of Ludlow and then start making their way to Chicago, perhaps hoping to battle the Chicago Outfit for control of the city’s politics.  Do they seriously think Mayor Daley is just going to sit back while a bunch of locusts overrun his city?

The government wants to cover up the locust rampage because they don’t want to risk a mass panic in the 47 states that they actually care about.  (This film came out before Alaska and Hawaii joined the Union.)  However, when enterprising reporter Audrey Aimes (Peggie Castle) comes across the remains of Ludlow and discovers that the U.S. military has taken over the area, she is determined to discover what happened.  She hooks up with Dr. Ed Wainwright (Peter Graves), whose work in making food bigger led to the giant locust attacks in the first place.  In most movies, Ed would shoulder most of the blame for the locust attack but Beginning of the End seems to understand that these things happen when you’re dousing food with radiation and then keeping the food in a poorly secured silo.

Of course, the main reason why it’s not Ed’s fault is that Ed is played by Peter Graves and seriously, who could blame anything on Peter Graves?  Graves was one of those actors who could deliver even the silliest of dialogue with a straight face and he certainly gets to do that in Beginning of the End.  He seems to be taking the situation seriously, even if no one else is.

One reason why it is a little bit difficult to take the situation seriously is because it’s about giant locusts.  Now, make no mistake about it.  I’m enough a country girl that I know how destructive locusts can be.  The problem is that locusts may be destructive but they don’t look all that menacing.  Even giant locusts just look like really ugly grasshoppers.  This film uses a lot of rear projection and still photography to create the idea of giant locusts crawling over buildings and threatening the soldiers who have been sent to fight them.  As is so often the case with Bert I. Gordon’s film, there’s a definite charm to the cheap special effects.  But still, locusts are locusts.

Chicago haters will love the scene where General Hanson (Morris Ankrum) announces that the locusts have only left him with one option, the drop an atomic bomb and wipe the city off the face of the Earth.  Fortunately, Ed is there to suggest another solution.  Good old Peter Graves.  I don’t know what we would have done without him.

As a final note, I’ll just mention that the poster for this film is actually more exciting than the film itself:

Horror on the Lens: Baffled! (dir by Philip Leacock)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Leonard Nimoy is a race car driver who can see into the future and who uses his powers to solve crimes!

Seriously, if that’s not enough to get you to watch the 1973 made-for-TV movie Baffled!, then I don’t know what is.  In the film, Nimoy takes a break from racing so that he and a parapsychologist (played by Susan Hampshire) can solve the mystery of the visions that Nimoy is having of a woman in a mansion.  This movie was meant to serve as a pilot and I guess if the series had been picked up, Nimoy would have had weekly visions.  Of course, the movie didn’t lead to a series but Baffled! is still fun in a 70s television sort of way.  Thanks to use of what I like to call “slow mo of doom,” a few of Nimoy’s visions are creepy and the whole thing ends with the promise of future adventures that were sadly never to be.

Enjoy Baffled!  Can you solve the mystery before Leonard?

Music Video of the Day: Prison Sex by Tool (1993, directed by Adam Jones)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

When a song has a title like Prison Sex, you can be sure that it won’t be a happy one.  Tool’s Prison Sex is a song (and a video) that was judged to be so disturbing and depressing that MTV actually removed it from its playlist after viewers complained that it was freaking them out.  Despite removing the video, MTV still nominated for a Video Music Award for Best Visual Effects and the video was later riffed on by Beavis and Butt-Head.

The video was directed by Adam Jones, who is also Tool’s guitarist.  Along with his musical interests, Jones also worked in stop motion animation and was even a part of the team that brought the dinosaurs to life in the original Jurassic Park.  This video makes good and macabre use of his talents.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.4 “The Vampire Hunter”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991.  The entire show is streaming on Youtube.

This week, Monsters features a vampire!  Yay!  I usually love a good vampire story.

Episode 1.4 “The Vampire Hunter”

(Dir by Michael Gornick, originally aired on November 12th, 1988)

The fourth episode of Monsters opens in New England, towards the end of the 19th century.  Ernest Chariot (Robert Lansing) is a veteran vampire hunter who is planning on hanging up his crucifix and his stake so he can concentrate on flirting with the women who come to him searching for answers about the paranormal.  He even tells his young assistant, Jack (Jack Koening), that is planning on heading over to Austria so he can meet with Sigmund Freud and talk about dream interpretation with him.  Interestingly enough, it appears that Ernest doesn’t really believe in anything paranormal, outside of vampires.  Myself, I think if I ever saw proof that vampires existed, I would probably accept that anything could exist.  I mean, it’d be strange for it just be vampires.

Before he can retire, Ernest does have one last job to complete.  Ms. Warren (Page Hannah) claims that her brother has been acting strangely, as if he’s been bitten by a vampire.  Ernest is skeptical of Ms. Warren’s claims and decides to take a trip to Ms. Warren’s hometown so that he can investigate her background before he agrees to help her.  The far more naïve Jack, however, goes with Ms. Warren back to her home.

It turns out that Ernest was right to be suspicious because Ms. Warren is the reluctant servant of Charles Poole (John Bolger), a vampire who wears a blue mask because of a facial injury that was inflicted upon him by Ernest in the past.  Jack holds Ernest off with a crucifix but, after he loses that, he soon discovers that it’s not as easy to stake a vampire as he thought.

Ernest returns to his office from investigating Ms. Warren’s background, saying that it required him to work in cotton mill.  His housekeeper tells him that Jack left with Ms. Warren.  A panicked Ernest goes to Ms. Warren’s home where he finds Jack in a coffin and Charles Poole eager for a final battle….

And that’s pretty much it.  This was a really weird episode, largely because there wasn’t even an attempt at a clever twist at the end or anything like that.  Instead, it was just a straight-forward story of an old vampire hunter coming face-to-face with a vampire.  In the end, Ms. Warren chooses to help Ernest instead of Charles.  The good guys win and the final credits role.  It’s all very earnest and, again, straight-forward.  At the same time, it’s also not that interesting.  It feels like a scene from a bigger story and, when viewed outside of the context of that bigger story, it lacks the type of emotional depth necessary to really hold the viewer’s attention.

It’s a shame.  I usually love a good vampire story!  Unfortunately, this isn’t one.  Oh well.

Horror AMV of the Day: Horror Movies (Mieruko-chan)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

With Halloween approaching, how about an AMV to celebrate?

Song: Horror Movies by Neoni

Anime: Mieruko-chan

Creator: ilyalniy

Past AMVs of the Day

Horror On TV: The Hitchhiker 6.3 “Riding the Nightmare” (dir by Christian Duguay)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker, a woman who is having an affair with her sister’s husband (uh-oh, don’t do that) starts having surreal and increasingly frightening nightmares about a white horse.  Is she being warned of her impending death?

This episode originally aired on October 5th, 1990.

October Hacks: Valentine (dir by Jamie Blanks)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

A holiday slasher, 2001’s Valentine tells the story of five girls and the nosebleed-prone incel who has never forgiven them for not dancing with him in high school….

Well, no, actually, it’s a bit more serious than that.  In high school, dorky Jeremy Melton asked four popular girls to dance with him at the Valentine’s Day dance.  Shelley, Lilly, and Paige rejected him and were rather rude about it.  Kate was polite and promised that maybe she would dance with him later.  Only Dorothy agreed to dance with him but when Dorothy and Jeremy were subsequently discovered making out underneath the bleachers, Dorothy falsely claimed that Jeremy forced himself on her.  School jock Joe beat up Jeremy and humiliated him in front of the entire school.  Jeremy ended up in a reform school and was eventually sent to a mental institution.

Years later, everyone has grown up.  Shelley (Katherine Heigl) is a medical student.  Lily (Jessica Caufiel) is dating an artist named Max (Johnny Whitworth) and having to deal with Max’s angry ex, Ruthie (Heddy Burress).  Dorothy (Jessica Capshaw) is insecure and dating the caddish Campbell (Daniel Cosgrove).  Paige (Denise Richards) is still living her life as if she’s everyone’s favorite mean girl.  And Kate (Marley Shelton) is in an on-and-off again relationship with Adam (David Boreanaz), a recovering alcoholic and writer.  No one is really sure what has happened to Jeremy but when someone starts picking off the members of their group and they start to get morbid Valentines in the mail, everyone starts to wonder if maybe Jeremy has returned.

Of course, this group isn’t going to let the fact that a murderer is stalking them keep them from throwing a big Valentine’s party as Dorothy’s house.  These are extremely stupid people, as you may have guessed.  It’s a bit of an awkward party, largely because everyone is having relationship issues and Ruthie Walker shows up and yells at everyone.  Things get even more awkward when the a killer wearing a cupid’s mask shows up and starts killing everyone at the party.

I always remember Valentine as being a really big deal when it was first released but, when I was doing a little research for this review, I discovered that Valentine was actually considered to be a flop at the box office.  Maybe I just got in into my head that it was some sort of huge success because Valentine was one of those films that used to show up on Showtime constantly.  I think I’ve seen the film’s ending over a hundred times, just while waiting for the next movie to start.

As far as slasher films go, it’s adequate without being particularly memorable.  The killer is creepy but the victims are all so shallow that it’s difficult to have much sympathy for them.  Probably the most interesting thing about this film is that all of the supporting characters are so strange and perverse that it almost feels as if they’ve wondered over from an old giallo film.  This the type of film where everyone’s either an ex-addict or a notorious con artist or an underwear thief.  Undoubtedly, the best supporting character is Ruthie Walker, if just because she’s the only character in the film who is willing to call out everyone on their shallowness.  Unfortunately, Ruthie doesn’t come to a good end but she does get the best death scene in the film and, when it comes to something like Valentine, that has to be considered a triumph.

Anyway, Valentine ends with the set up for a sequel but it never happened.  Valentine’s Day remains an awesome holiday!  Don’t let any killer cupids ruin it for you.