Category Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life on The Street 2.2 “See No Evil”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, no one’s innocent.

Episode 2.2 “See No Evil”

(Dir by Christopher Menual, originally aired on January 13th, 1994)

Watch out!  Stanley Bolander’s whining about his divorce again!

Ned Beatty was one of the great character actors and he is certainly convincing in the role of Stanley Bolander, the veteran Baltimore homicide detective who has seen the worst that humanity has to offer and who spends most of his time annoyed with his partner, John Munch.  But, as good as Beatty is, I still groan whenever Bolander starts to talk about his ex-wife and his divorce.  His bitterness was a recurring theme during the first season.  It was annoying but it was understandable because the divorce was still recent.

But now, we’ve started the second season.  It’s time move on, Big Man!

This episode finds Bolander very reluctantly taking part in sensitivity training.  He avoids meeting with Dr. Carrie Weston (Jennifer Mendenhall) until Giardello threatens to suspend him without pay.  Bolander is stunned when Dr. Weston turns out to be sympathetic to his anger over his divorce.  Bolander ever tries to ask Dr. Weston out, just for Weston to inform him that she’s just gotten out of a bad relationship and that she believes “birds of a feather should flock together” and, speaking of birds, did you know that there are lesbian seagulls?  Bolander gets the hint.  Myself, I would probably lie about being a lesbian just to get out of having to spend any more time listening to him cry about his divorce.

Far more interesting than Bolander’s angst were the two cases at the center of this week’s episode.  Chuckie Prentice (Michael Chaban) shoots his dying father (played, in a powerful and intimidating performance, by Wilford Brimley) in the head.  Though Chuckie claims that his father committed suicide, Lewis has his doubts and takes Chuckie to the station for interrogation.  Detective Beau Felton just happens to be Chuckie’s best friend and, after Chuckie tells him that his father specifically asked to be put out of his misery, Felton tries to convince Lewis to say that the shooting actually was a suicide.  At first, Lewis refuses but eventually, he agrees to look the other way while Felton takes Chuckie to wash his hands and destroy any evidence of gunpowder residue on his skin.  Without any definite evidence proving the he fired the gun, Chuckie is free to go and his father’s death is ruled a suicide.

This was a powerful story and it was all the more effective because it refused to come down on one side or the other.  Both Felton and Lewis presented their positions well and the episode ended not on a note of triumph but on a note of weary resignation.  Chuckie is free to go on with his life and his father is no longer in pain but Lewis is going to be haunted by his decision to allow evidence to be destroyed.  Personally, I’m against assisted suicide and I felt it was selfish for Chuckie’s father to ask Chuckie to pull the trigger.  But, having spent the previous few months trying to come to terms with my own father’s passing, I could understand what Chuckie was feeling.  There really are no easy answers.

As for the other case, it involved the shooting of a drug dealer.  The dealer was shot in the back.  A patrolman claimed that he slipped and his gun accidentally fired during the pursuit of the dealer.  Pembleton had his doubts about whether the shooting was really an accident or a case of police brutality.  Even after Giardello warned him that pursuing the case would turn “brother against brother” in the police force, Pembleton insisted on asking every police officer on the scene to turn in their guns for testing.  “You son of a bitch, Pembleton,” Giardello muttered.

And again, this was a storyline that worked because it refused to present an easy solution.  The dead man was a criminal and he was shot while fleeing the cops.  Even though the cop that slipped was eventually cleared of having fired the shot that killed the dealer, it was obvious that the shot did come from a cop.  Pembleton, with his black-and-white view of his job, was determined to find the truth, regardless of the professional consequences.  Giardello, with years more experience than Pembleton, spoke from the heart when he told Pembleton that investigating the case would bring harm not just to the cop who shot the dealer but to every cop working the streets, regardless of whether they were involved or not.  Felton could convince Lewis to look the other way.  Pembleton was not willing to do the same thing.

It was a strong episode, even with all of Bolander’s nonsense.  Perfectly acted, morally ambiguous, and fiercely intelligent, this is an episode that I’ll be thinking about for a while.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 3.2 “Hey, Take Me Over”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

This week, Howard continues to dream of a better job.  Good luck with that, Howard.

Episode 3.2 “Hey, Take Me Over”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on  October 10th, 1987)

Cobb’s has been sold!  Because the new owner is a huge corporation that owns several luxury resorts, Howard convinces himself that he’s going to be promoted to running a hotel in Tahiti.  (Howard’s background in hotel management has been one of the few consistent things in Check It Out.)  Instead, corporate vice president T.C. Collingwood (Elizabeth Hanna) comes down to the store and tells Howard that he needs to start wearing a smock that says “Howie, Store Manager” on it.

Howard does what any reasonably immature, 50ish man would do.  He quits.  But then Edna explains that Howard will lose his pension if he quits so Howard decides that maybe wearing the smock won’t be so bad.  “You’re throwing away your future,” Edna says at one point, as if Howard isn’t clearly approaching the age when most people retire.

This episode really drove home one of the biggest issues with Check It Out!, which is that Howard was written to be an ambitious man in his 40s but he was played by Don Adams who, when the show began, was already in his 60s.  Now, it should be admitted that Adams looked about ten years younger than his actual age but still, Howard comes across as a bit too old to still be fantasizing about suddenly changing careers.  There’s a principle that everyone rises to their level of incompetence.  They keep getting promoted until they reach a job they can’t do and then, they get stuck there.  Howard’s level of incompetence appears to be working as a general manager of a grocery store.

Howard eventually does put on the smock and agrees to keep working at his job.  What’s odd about this is that Howard was already wearing the smock during the previous episode.  Obviously, the episodes that made up the final season of Check It Out! were not aired in their intended order.

For all of the flaws to be found in this episode, it was still better than the majority of the second season.  It would appear that, with season 3, the show’s producers and writers finally settled on Howard being an incompetent manager and the store being a mess.  That’s definitely the right way to go.  When it comes to workplace sitcoms, incompetence is always funnier than hypercompetence.  (Just consider the U.S. version of The Office, in which the funniest episodes featured the office in chaos and the cringiest episodes were always the ones the centered on how good Jim was at selling paper.)  No one respects Howard and Howard has no idea how to do his job.  That’s a lot funnier than whatever the second season was trying to do.

Finally, I should mention that T and T‘s Sean Roberge has a small role in this one, playing the new bagboy.  If I’ve learned anything from doing these retro television reviews, it’s that, in the late 80s, syndicated Canadian television shows really did seem to share the same small pool of actors.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.12 “A Little Fright Music”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

Welcome back to Brooklyn.

Episode 4.12 “A Little Fright Music”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)

Sick and tired of Mr. Woodman insisting on ending the monthly “Parents’ night” meeting by singing the old and outdated school song, Freddie takes it upon himself to rewrite the school song.  He keeps the original melody but updates the lyrics to make it clear that Buchanan High is a “groovy alma mater.”  When recording star J. Bubba-Hampton (Sip Culler) overhears Freddie singing the song, he decides he wants to buy it and release a disco version on his next album,

The only problem is that Woodman wrote the original song and, since Freddie kept the melody, Freddie has to get Woodman to sign off on selling the new version of the song.  At first, Woodman refuses but then he realizes that he could make a lot of money off the deal.  Woodman agrees and puts on a scarf and sunglasses.  He’s a star now, after all.

For some reason, J. Bubba-Hampton agrees to bring the contracts over to the Kotter apartment so that Woodman and Freddie can sign.  However, when Bubba-Hampton mentions that Woodman actually plagiarized the song from a 1930s tune written by Irvine Russell, Woodman is stunned.  It turns out that Woodman had no idea that he did that. Woodman feels that it would be unethical to sell the song.  Freddie agrees.  J. Bubba-Hampton says, “I’ll just have to find another song for my album,” and leaves the apartment.  Julie suggests that maybe the school could have two songs.  Everyone ignores her.  Gabe then says that maybe the school could have two songs and everyone agrees.  The look of absolute hatred that Julie directed towards Gabe was one of the funniest things about this episode.

For a fourth season episode of this show, A Little Fright Music was not that bad.  For one thing, it featured Mr. Kotter from beginning to end and, watching this episode, I realized that, even if he wasn’t exactly the greatest actor in the world, Gabe Kaplan’s presence really was one of the keys to the show’s earlier success.  Kaplan was naturally funny whereas Marcia Strassman, who filled the role that Kaplan normally would have filled for many of the fourth season episodes, was not.  This episode also gave John Sylvester White and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs a chance to take center stage.  John Sylvester White’s unhinged Woodman has always been one of the best things about this show.

Horshack is not present in this episode and he’s not missed.  Unfortunately, Barbarino is also not present.  Seriously, this would have been a perfect episode for Barbarino.  Julie is also present, which means we get another chance to watch Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman struggle to pretend to like each other.  Julie’s new short haircut always makes it appear as if Kotter has divorced his wife and is now sharing his apartment with a teenage boy.

Gabe gets to tell a joke at the end of this episode.  His Uncle Seymour dug up Schubert to see if he could find the Lost Symphony.  Shubert said, “Go away.  Can’t you see I’m decomposing?”

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday The 13th 2.22 “Wedding Bell Blues”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, we meet Johnny Ventura!

Episode 2.22 “Wedding Bell Blues”

(Dir by Jorge Montesi, originally aired on May 15th, 1989)

With Ryan and Jack out of town, it falls to Micki to retrieve a cursed pool cue stick.  Helping her out, despite all of her attempts to convince him to get lost, is Johnny Ventura (Steve Monarque), a friend of Ryan’s who Ryan hired to help search for the cue stick.  Even after Johnny finds out that the item has been cursed by Satan and Micki’s entire life currently revolves around supernatural violence, Johnny wants to not only help out but to also stick around, just because he likes Micki.  Micki might want to tell him about all of her previous boyfriends who have all died as a result of getting involved in the search for cursed antiques.

I understand that Johnny is going to eventually replace Ryan on the show, starting with the third season.  This episode isn’t particularly subtle about setting Johnny up as a Ryan substitute, though Johnny’s crush on Micki is a bit less cringey than Ryan’s.  (Ryan is Micki’s cousin, which is something that the show often seems to overlook.)  Johnny is established as being a cocky guy who is willing to break the rules.  In other words, he’s just like every other guy who has ever been a lead character on a show like this.  One of the stranger things about Johnny is that everyone keeps referring to him as being a “kid,” even though he looks like he’s older than just about everyone else on the show.

As for the cursed pool cue, it belongs to Jennifer (Elizabeth Maclellan), a waitress at a seedy bar.  She wants to marry Danny (Louis Ferreira), a self-centered pool player who treats her terribly.  Jennifer is convinced that Danny is just worried about winning the upcoming pool tournament so she impales people with the cursed pool cue.  Each time Jennifer kills someone, the next game that Danny plays is his best ever.  Jennifer is slightly sympathetic because she’s convinced that Danny will marry her right after he wins the tournament and she’s too insecure to see what a cad he is.  (She’s also pregnant, though Danny doesn’t know it.)  When Jennifer’s sister (played, in a very early role, by Lolita Davidovich) says that Danny is never going to marry her, Jennifer refuses to believe it.  When Jennifer discovers that her sister is sleeping with Danny, Jennifer has found her next victim.

It’s really not that interesting of a curse but then again, this episode is more concerned with introducing the character of Johnny Ventura than with anything else.  Unfortunately, at least in this episode, Johnny really isn’t that compelling of a character.  This was a bit of a disappointing episode but who knows?  Maybe Johnny Ventura will grow on me.

Next week, Micki and Ryan go to the ballet!  Yay!

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.6 “Legionnaires: Part One”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu!

This week, Peter White continues to disappoint everyone.

Episode 1.6 “Legionnaires: Part One”

(Dir by Thomas Carter, originally aired on December 7th, 1982)

Dr. Peter White (Terence Knox) is perhaps the most incompetent doctor at St. Eligius.  Over the course of the first few episodes, we have watched as he’s taken advantage of his fellow residents, been rude to patients, misdiagnosed obvious medical conditions, and complained nonstop about how difficult his life is.  Dr. White is struggling to balance the punishing schedule of being a resident with also being a husband and the father to a young girl and a newborn.  He’s in over his head.

What’s interesting is that, despite all of his problems, he’s not a particularly sympathetic character and I don’t think he’s meant to be.  He’s never going to be a good doctor and he doesn’t have the courage to admit it.  Instead of finding a career for which he’s suited, he insists on being a doctor and risking the life of anyone unlucky enough to be his patient.  What makes Dr. White an especially disturbing character is that there are probably a lot of doctors in the real world who are just like him.  They’re overwhelmed and they make stupid mistakes.  I get overwhelmed sometimes too, as does everyone.  And, like everyone, I occasionally make mistakes.  However, my mistakes usually amount to something like missing a cringey typo that causes me to feel embarrassment until I get a chance to fix it.  A doctor’s mistake can lead to people dying.

This week, Dr. White attempts to give penicillin to a patient who is allergic.  Fortunately, Dr. Westphall is able to stop White from putting his patient into a coma.  Dr. White also manages to lose his hospital-issued pager and, when he’s told that it will cost him $300 to get a new one, he freaks out.  A chance meeting with a lawyer in the hospital cafeteria leads White to offer to sell out the hospital by recommending the lawyer to anyone willing to sue because they ended up with a doctor like Peter White.  White finally raises the money by donating his sperm.  The nurse at the sperm bank says that it’s really generous for a doctor to donate.  Not this doctor!

While Peter is screwing up his life, Dr. Westphall is dealing with what appears to be an outbreak of Legionnaire’s Disease in one of the wards.  Westphall wants to immediately shut down the ward.  Dr. Auschlander and board member H.J. Cummings (Christopher Guest — yes, that Christopher Guest) disagree.  However, after another young woman dies of what appears to be Legionnaire’s, Westphall orders the ward to be closed and the patients to be relocated.

Meanwhile, Kathy Martin broke up with Fiscus because she felt their fling was turning into a relationship and Dr. Cavanero dealt with a nurse who disliked her.  Neither one of those subplots did much for me, though Kathy is emerging as one of my favorite characters on this show.  Before breaking up with Fiscus, she goes to a funeral of a stranger just so he won’t be buried without someone there to mourn him.  She wears white to the funeral.  One doctor comments that she’s never seen Kathy wear white before.  Kathy’s a great character and deserves better than just being Fiscus’s girlfriend.

This episode was an improvement over the last episode I watched.  According to the title, it’s also only “Part One” so I imagine there will be some fallout over closing that ward next week.  We’ll see what happens.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.6 “Love at Second Sight”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

Let’s get back on the highway!

Episode 3.6 “Love At Second Sight”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 5th, 1986)

Jonathan and Mark are working as recreation directors at a retirement community and….

Again?

Actually, I can’t really remember if Jonathan and Mark have worked as a recreation director at a retirement community before but I do know that this is not the first time that they’ve been assigned to work at such a place.  And, if I remember correctly, both Mark and Jonathan have been assigned to work as a coach at other places.  In other words, Jonathan and Mark have a specific set of skills and they seem to center around athletics and the elderly.

Mark thinks that this assignment is going to be easy but then again, Mark thinks that about every assignment.  He might have a point here as he and Jonathan are only supposed to be helping out another angel named Ted (John McLiam).  Ted’s assignment is to help Roy (Harvey Vernon) and Laura (Martha Scott) fall in love and find happiness in their twilight years.  The complication is that Laura is Ted’s widow!  Ted doesn’t want to help his widow fall in love with another man so, instead, he goes out of his way to sabotage Roy and Laura’s relationship.  In fact, Ted starts to romance Laura himself and even proposes marriage to her.

Jonathan confronts Ted and tells him that “the Boss” isn’t going to let this happen.  Jonathan then takes Ted into the future, where he discovers that Laura has died of a broken heart and that their daughter, Margaret (Nana Visitor), is now heading in the same direction.  Realizing that he was being selfish and that he has a responsibility to help Laura move on, Ted returns to the present and pretends to be a jerk and a conman so that Laura will fall out of love with him and instead fall in love with Roy.  Ted even gets Roy to punch him so that Laura will be impressed with him.  Back to the Future, anyone?

That’s the power of love!

I have two issues with this episode.  The lesser of the two is that Ted pretending to suddenly be a jerk seems like the sort of thing that would make Laura even more hesitant about trusting another man as opposed to something that would automatically make her fall in love with Roy.  However, my main issue with this episode is that it all felt very familiar.  Last season, Jonathan was assigned to help his widow move on and he had mixed feelings about it.  (As I would think any angel would.)  This season, God gives the same assignment to another angel and again, it nearly backfires on everyone.  It actually seems a bit mean-spirited on the part of the Boss to continually give this assignment to the very people that it would most hurt, though I understand that the idea is that Ted and Jonathan both needed to move on as well.  That said, at no point does Jonathan say, “Hey, the exact same thing happened to me!”  (This was a rare episode that Landon didn’t write so it’s always possible that the actual writer wasn’t aware that he was repeating a storyline from the show’s past.)  This episode felt like a missed opportunity.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 1.22 “Mom’s Gift”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Well, I guess it’s time to get back to reviewing this show….

Episode 1.22 “Mom’s Gift”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 25th, 1999)

After using the money that their Dad gave them to buy themselves a Nintendo, Jason and Scott realize that they’ve forgotten to get a birthday gift for their mom.  They panic, though I’m not sure why.  Their mother is living in Saudi Arabia, with her new husband and his family.  It’s time for Jason and Scott to admit that she no longer cares about them.  And even if she is expecting a gift, it takes a while to ship something from California to Saudi Arabia.  It’s not like she’s going to somehow know that they waited until the last minute.  Stupid Jason!  Stupid Scott!

Jason and Scott decide to make their mom a video tape of their lives in Malibu.  (Yeah, guys, that’s a lot better than jewelry.)  They invite Sam and Stads to share their favorite Scott and Jason memories and then both Murray and Traycee decide to get in on it as well and….

Yep, it’s a clip show.

Oh, clip shows!  Every show, good or bad, has them.  They’re cheap.  They’re easy to produce.  And they certainly are boring to watch.  That’s especially true when the clips come from a show, like Malibu CA, that still hasn’t figured out what type of story it’s trying to tell.  Hey, remember when Dennis Haskins ran for mayor of Malibu?  Remember when Stads and Jason were briefly a couple?  Remember when Scott and Sam were even more briefly a couple?  This show was all over the place and the clips in this episode mostly serve to remind us that Malibu CA never really settled on a consistent tone.

Probably the most interesting thing about the clips was that they revealed that Sam and Stads used to actually have personalities beyond just being killjoys.  When this show started, Stads actually had a sense of humor and Sam actually …. well, Sam never really had much of a personality but still, at least she used to do more than just sit in the background and comment on Murray’s weekly shenanigans.  The clips also reminded us me that Jason and Scott used to both be sociopathic.  Now, at least, Scott is vaguely responsible and level-headed.  Jason, meanwhile, remains a douchebag.

Happy birthday, mom!

Oh well.  What can you really say about a clip show?  It’s so rare to see a good one.  Even the clip show they did for The Office sucked.  I guess I should be happy that this was the first episode of Malibu CA that I reviewed for 2025.  The clips reminded me of why I was so happy to have an excuse to take a break from reviewing this stupid show but still, a clip show of Malibu CA is still less painful to review than an episode where you actually have to pay attention to the plot.

Happy New Year!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.3 “Bug House”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

It’s time to return to Monsters!

Episode 3.3 “Bug House”

(Dir by Kenny Myers, originally aired on October 14th, 1990)

Ellen (Karen Sillas) visits her sister, May (Juliette Kirth) and is shocked by what she discovers.  May is living in a cabin that was once owned by their father and she’s allowed the place to become infested with roaches and other bugs!  May is pregnant and appears to be mentally unstable.  She lives with her boyfriend, the handsome but creepy Peter (Robert Kerbeck).

What’s interesting is that, even though Ellen is disgusted by how May is living, one gets the feeling that Ellen is also secretly happy to see that her sister is struggling.  It’s obvious that there are a lot of complicated feelings between the two of them.  Their conversation at the start of the episode is a masterclass in passive aggressive communication.  And even though Ellen claims not to trust Peter, it’s easy to guess what’s going to happen between them.

Unfortunately, Peter’s not just some creepy guy with a condescending attitude.  He’s actually an insectoid creature who just happens to be wearing a human mask.  And when May gives birth, she gives birth to a giant roach.  While Peter gazes adoring at the roach, May is devoured by maggots.  As terrifying as that is, the episode ends with Ellen pregnant….

AGCK!

This was an episode of Monsters that actually lived up to its name.  Peter was a horrifying creation and the scenes with the bugs were among some of the most effective that I’ve seen on this show.  With this episode, Monsters moved beyond the deliberate campiness of the majority of its episodes and instead embraced Cronenbergian body horror.  The atmosphere was full of dread and the cabin was an effectively macabre location.  (What made the cabin especially disturbing was that it was obvious that it had once been quite nice before Peter moved in.  Bugs ruin everything!)  Everything from the dilapidated set design to the dark lighting to the ominous music came together to make this episode feel like a filmed nightmare.  Speaking for myself, there’s nothing more terrifying than a giant roach.  Seriously, I hate those things!  Even the name — Roach — sounds like something that would kill you if it got a chance.

But what truly made this episode work were the performances of Karen Sillas and Juliette Kirth as the two sisters.  They not only captured the bond that all sisters share but they also captured how that bond can sometimes lead to competition.  The sisters love each other but there’s also a lot of resentment behind almost everything that they say to each other, which brings a whole extra layer of meaning to this episode’s story.

This was an excellent episode and a great way to return to Monsters!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.11 “He’s My Brother/Zeke and Zelda/Teach Me Tonight”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

The Love Boat is back for a new year of reviews!

Episode 5.11 “He’s My Brother/Zeke and Zelda/Teach Me Tonight”

(Dir by Bruce Bilson, originally aired on December 5th, 1981)

This week, Doc Bricker’s brother boards the Love Boat and boy, does he turn out to be a jerk!  Fred Bricker (Jack Bannon) is bitter because their father paid for Doc to go to medical school while Fred had to stay behind on the farm.  Now, Fred is married to Nancy (Elaine Joyce) and worried about how he’s going to afford to send his own son to college.  Convinced that Doc is rich, Fred thinks that Doc should pay for his nephew’s college tuition.  Doc agrees.  Fred still acts like an ungrateful jackass but, when he learns that Doc has actually taken out a loan to pay the tuition, Fred realizes that Doc may not be rich but he is a good man.

The weird thing about this storyline is that Fred didn’t have enough money to send his kid to college but apparently, he did have enough money to take an expensive cruise on a luxury liner.  The other strange thing is that Fred didn’t know that Doc worked on the ship until he saw him in the lobby.  Fred just happened to buy a ticket for the same ship that his brother worked on.  Every episode of The Love Boat featured its share of implausible coincidences but this episode really pushes suspension of disbelief to its breaking point.  On a positive note, this story did allow us to see another side of Doc.  Bernie Kopell is always more believable when he gets to play Doc as being a nice guy as opposed to playing him as being an irredeemable lech.

Speaking of money, two old vaudevillians (played by Milton Berle and Martha Raye) haven’t had much of it ever since their style of performing went out of fashion.  Berle and Raye stowaway on the ship and then attempt to freeload their way through the cruise by pretending to be another set of passengers, Zeke and Zelda Van Buren (played by Herb Edelman and Elinor Donahue).  The captain is not amused when he finds out that someone is breaking the law on his boat but then Milton and Martha sing a duet of For Me And My Gal and all is forgiven.  The Captain arranges for them to get a job as entertainers on another ship.  I’ve noticed that the Captain never really seems to punish any of the many stowaways who have taken a trip on The Love Boat.  And you know what?  Good for him!  There’s a place for mercy in this cold world of ours.

Finally, romance novelist Michael Scott (Daryl Anderson) has a one night stand with teacher Emily Parker (Susan Richardson).  Michael — and yes, it’s impossible not to think of The Office whenever anyone mentions the character’s name — is stunned when Emily gets emotional after their night together.  “You’re acting like you’ve never done this before….” Michael says and, of course, it turns out that she hasn’t.  This was a pretty bleh storyline but it did lead to a funny scene where Michael attempts to have a conversation with Emily while two old ladies eavesdrop and freak out every time they hear the word “virgin.”

I enjoyed this cruise, mostly because it gave Bernie Kopell a chance to actually do some real acting for once.  I always like it when Doc turns out to be a nice guy.  Milton Berle and Martha Raye are, to put it lightly, an acquired taste but both of them give good performances in this episode and even manage to pull off their duet without making it too cringey.  As for the third storyline, it was defeated by the lack of chemistry between Daryl Anderson and Susan Richardson.  Still, two out of three is not bad.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 1.5 “Everybody Wants Something”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, the Zits finally film their music video!  Can super stardom be far behind?  Or will Joey just end up a middle-aged man who keeps his keyboard in the attic and who insists on making his stepson Craig listen to his one demo tape over and over again?  I guess it could go either way….

Episode 1.5 “Everybody Wants Something”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on November 27th, 1989)

This week’s episode of Degrassi High had a few dramatic moments.  Caitlin kissed Claude and then finally got around to breaking up with Joey.  Erica caught Liz taping a “Baby Killer” poster on her locker and the two of them got into a fight in the high school hallway.

However, for the most part, this episode was about one band and one music video.

After weeks of haggling, the Zits finally came up with a music video concept that Lucy was willing to film.  (Personally, I have to wonder why the band didn’t just offer to pay Lucy to let them borrow her camera, as opposed to giving her creative control over their music video.)  Instead of filming the band hanging out with “groupies,” Lucy filmed them lip-synching to their only song while either sitting in Clutch’s car or a dumpster.

As I watched this episode, it occurred to me that this was a story that really wouldn’t make sense today.  Apparently, when this episode aired, someone having their own video camera (as Lucy does) was considered to be exotic.  Today, the Zits would just film their video on Joey’s phone and post in online.  Or, somewhat distressingly, they would just use AI.  That said, there’s something actually kind of charming about the Zits pretending to sing in front of a video camera while their song plays on a tape player.  The video may look cheap and dorky but everyone involved seems to be having a blast filming it.  This episode definitely captured the fun of feeling like anything’s possible.  Joey may have gotten dumped by Caitlin in this episode but who knows?  Maybe this cheap music video will lead to future rock stardom!

(Actually, as those of us who were introduced to this show via Degrassi: The Next Generation can tell you, Joey is destined to end up selling used cars.  As for the other members of the Zits, Snake is going to become principal of Degrassi and Wheels is going to end up in prison after driving drunk and blinding the director of the band’s music video, Lucy.  Even the happier episodes of this show are very depressing when viewed with the benefit of hindsight.)

Due to the approaching holidays, this will be final Degrassi review for 2024!  My reviews of this show will return on January 5th!  Until then, remember …. in yourself, you must believe!