October Positivity: One Nation Under God (dir by Lisa Arnold)


In 2o2o’s One Nation Under God, David Gutierrez (Isaak Presley) is a new student at an exclusive private school.  (He was selected via a lottery of intelligent but economically disadvantaged kids.)  On the first day of school, David makes a point of saying “One nation under God,” while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.  His classmate, Gordon (Thomas Kasp), corners him outside of class and tells him that he’s not allowed to say that in school.  Since Gordon’s father happens to Headmaster Kingsley (Casper Van Dien), David’s first day is not off to a good start.

However, the debate coach, Mr. Truman (Kevin Sorbo), hears about what David said and decides that David should definitely be on the debate team.  The topic for the semester is whether or not “God should be in schools.”  Gordon is already prepared to argue the negative.  Can David argue the positive?

But first, presidential candidate Sen. Viera (Antonio Sabato, Jr.) stops by the school for an assembly.  He’s a graduate from the school and it’s felt that appearing there will be a good PR move for him.  He’s accompanied by one of his strongest supporters, former football player and U.S. Senate candidate Herschel Walker.  When David stands up and asks Viera about his own beliefs, Viera stumbles over the question and his aides quickly end the assembly.

Stunned by David’s question and ashamed of his own inability to answer it, Sen. Viera decides to make his religious faith the center of his campaign.  His wife is happy but his campaign aides are freaking out.  They’ve got a big debate coming up with Governor Palabra (Summer Selby) and they just know that she’s going to accuse Viera of wanting to legislate morality.

Meanwhile, David has his own debate to prepare for.  Fearful that Gordon will lose the debate and also whatever chance he may have to attend an Ivy League college, the Headmaster plans to bribe David to lose.  David’s single mother could really use the money. Will David sell out or will he stick to his beliefs?

As you can see, there’s a lot going on in this movie but, ultimately, every subplot serves the same purpose, which is to tick off any liberal who happens to watch it.  Sure, there’s a lot of talk about the importance of faith and also the importance of freedom of speech but the main purpose of this movie is to upset liberal viewers.  Judging from some of the reviews of this film that were posted on Letterboxd, the film appears to have accomplished that.  My personal opinion is that, if you spend more than an hour composing an angry review about a relatively obscure film starring Kevin Sorbo, you’ve already lost the war.   I always find the frenzied reaction to these type of films to be a bit amusing because they’re really not any more heavy-handed or one-sided than the typical mainstream film.  It’s just they’re attacking from the right instead of the left.

And make no mistake, One Nation Under God is heavy-handed and one-sided.  Nothing about its portrayal of the inner workings of a major presidential campaign feels authentic and quite a few of its subplots fall flat.  That said, I actually liked some of the songs on the soundtrack and the film itself looked like a real movie, which definitely set this film apart from a lot of other faith-based films.  Kevin Sorbo is properly authoritative as the debate coach.  Casper van Dien is properly villainous as the evil Headmaster.  In the end, though, the main purpose of the film is to annoy liberals and it accomplishes that goal.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Hunter 2.6 “Rape and Revenge: Part 1”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Hunter, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1991.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week’s episode is a difficult one.

Episode 2.6 “Rape and Revenge: Part 1”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on November 2nd, 1985)

I nearly didn’t watch this episode.

When I saw the title of this episode and then read the plot description on the IMDb, my first instinct was to try to find an excuse to get out of having to watch and review it.  The plot description read: McCall is raped by a visiting diplomat and her colleague’s hands are tied when he claims diplomatic immunity.  Nearly every episode of Hunter so far has featured McCall getting into some sort of trouble.  She’s been kidnapped countless times.  She’s been shot at least three times.  She’s been in more than a few fights.  In the past, that didn’t bother me because no one is going to mistake Hunter for a realistic show.  But when I read what was going to happen to her in this week’s episode, I immediately imagined that the show would handle it in the worst and most insensitive way possible.

Still, I watched the episode because I’m a completist.  And you know what?  I was wrong.

This episode opens with Hunter and McCall investigating the discovery of a dead woman at the Curaguayan Consulate in Los Angeles.  (Curaguaya is a fictional country in South America.)  One of the consuls, Raoul Marino (Richard Yniguez), immediately starts hitting on McCall, despite the fact that she’s conducting a police investigation.  Later, Raoul sends three different flower deliveries to McCall’s house.  When Raoul then shows up at McCall’s house, she tells him to leave.  He rapes her and then flees.  McCall calls Hunter, who rushes over to her house and then takes her to the hospital.

Because he has diplomatic immunity, Raoul thinks that he can get away with rape.  He also thinks that he can get away with shooting Hunter in the shoulder when the latter confronts him.   And it turns out that Raoul is correct.  With both McCall and Hunter temporarily out of action, he boards a plane to Curaguaya and returns home.

To the show’s credit, it handles McCall’s rape sensitively.  Stepfanie Kramer gives a strong performance as McCall.  The scenes at the hospital, where the still bruised McCall is examined by doctors and investigators, capture the fact that the trauma of being raped doesn’t just end with the act.  My fear was that this episode would have McCall magically recover at the end of the hour.  It didn’t.  Instead, we watch as McCall goes through therapy and as she slowly reaches the point where she feels that she can return to work.  But even when she does return, the pain and the trauma are still there.  This episode doesn’t simplify rape or use it as just another melodramatic plot twist.  For that, it deserves a lot of credit.

(My only real issue that, during a recovery montage, the scenes of McCall in therapy are mixed with scenes of Hunter recovering from being shot in the shoulder.  I feel like McCall deserved to have that montage to herself.)

This is a two-part episode.  The first hour ended with McCall realizing that Hunter had traveled down to San Pablo, Curaguay to get revenge on Raoul.  (Hunter previously told McCall that he was taking a few days off to go fishing.)  McCall then made a reservation on the next flight to San Pablo.  The story concludes next week!

Bonus Horror on TV: Baywatch Nights 2.12 “Frozen Out Of Time” (dir by Rick Jacobson)


 

I share this 1997 episode of Baywatch Nights every October because it’s just wonderfully strange.  Two 900 year-old Vikings have been unfrozen and are causing chaos in Los Angeles!  Who can stop them?

David Hasselhoff, of course!

(You can read my review of this beautifully odd episode here.  Valhalla!)

Horror on TV: Freakylinks 1.3 “Edith Keeler Must Die” (dir by David Straiton)


Are there mole people living in the New York subway system?

Of course there are.  Everyone knows that.  Still, watch tonight’s episode of Freakylinks and find out for sure!

This episode originally aired on October 20th, 2000.

SOV Horror Review: The Hackers (dir by John Duncan)


Shot in Michigan, 1988’s The Hackers lives up to its name in two ways.

First off, it’s about a family that actually does have the surname of Hacker. Pa Hacker (Howard Coburn) drives around Michigan with his two sons, Arnie Hacker (Dale Caughel) and Eldon Hacker (Steven Picharo). They drive around Michigan and make a living by doing odd jobs. They claim that they can build and fix just about anything, even though they don’t seem to be particularly effective once they show up at their work site. Pa is gruff and kind of ornery. You can tell that he’s old school and he expects everyone to carry their weight. Arnie and Eldon are a little bit more goofy. They like to wear masks and they like to go fishing. They’re the type who will invade your personal space without even realizing why that would upset anyone. They are hicks and they’re proud of it.

Pa, Arnie, and Eldon also live up to their name in that they enjoy hacking people up. They’re the Hackers and they are really into hacking. When they see a man hitchhiking, they chop off his thumb as they drive by. When they pick up another hitchhiker, they end up strangling her. When a fisherman tells them to find another place to fish, Arnie and Eldon put an abrupt end to his fishing days.

Pa, Arnie, and Eldon have been hired to fix up the barn on a nearly deserted property. Marcie (Michelle Rank) is house-sitting and she soon finds herself being menaced by the Hackers. And while that’s definitely a scary situation, Marcie does have one big fact on her side: Arnie and Eldon are idiots. They’re the type who accidentally lose a finger while using a radial saw. Really, I’m surprised that Pa keeps them employed. If Pa simply did the job by himself, he’d probably get finished and get paid a lot quicker. Instead, he spends a lot of time dealing with Arnie and Eldon’s messes.

This is pretty much the epitome of a late 80s SOV slasher film. This was pretty much the only film that the majority of the cast appeared in, and it only has a 70-minute runtime. It’s hard to believe that a 70-minute movie could have any wasted moments, but this one does. There are scenes in which Arnie and Eldon seem to literally spend hours arguing about nothing. There’s no real suspense. The special effects are definitely on the cheap side. It’s a regional film, through and through.

And yet, there’s something oddly likable about a film like The Hackers. It’s an amateur film that was made by some guy in Michigan in 1988, and yet, I’m sitting here in Texas and I’m reviewing it in 2026. Because the film was shot on location and it was made by a bunch of amateurs, there’s an authenticity to the film that you wouldn’t necessarily get from a more professionally shot film. When it was made, it may have just been another regional horror flick. Today, though, it’s a time capsule. Watching a film like The Hackers is about as close as any of us are going to get to using a time machine.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Demonwarp (dir by Emmett Alston)


George Kennedy vs. Bigfoot!

I think for most people, that will be the main appeal of 1988’s Demonwarp. Bill (George Kennedy) lives in a cabin in the woods with his daughter. After a Bigfoot-like creature kills his daughter, Bill grabs a shotgun and starts wandering around the woods, looking for revenge. And while I’m calling the character Bill, I should make clear that George Kennedy comes across as if he’s playing George Kennedy. If you’ve watched enough TCM, you know George Kennedy as the big, burly guy who might be in his 50s but still looks like he could beat up an army of young punks if he had to. He’s gruff and plainspoken and he doesn’t have much patience for people who aren’t willing to man up and work hard. And so, when Bill declares that he’s going to kill Bigfoot, it’s the equivalent of George Kennedy declaring it. It’s nice to see that, even after winning an Oscar for Cool Hand Luke, George Kennedy still had what it took to keep the woods safe.

Unfortunately, George Kennedy is only a supporting player here. The main characters are a group of teenagers who end up hanging out at a cabin of their own and who soon fall victim to Bigfoot themselves. It takes them a while to accept the help of George Kennedy and, for that, they have only themselves to blame. Obviously, they hadn’t watched Cool Hand Luke or they would have known that George Kennedy is exactly the guy you want to listen to in an extreme situation. If only they had binged the Airport films, as I do every time before I go on any type of vacation, things would have worked out much better for them. Let Joe Patroni in the cockpit and he’ll land that plane right on top of that monster. Problem solved.

Demonwarp is an extremely silly film that I happen to like. Some of that is because I don’t really like camping but I do enjoy going to my family’s lakehouse and every stupid mistake that the teenagers make in Demonwarp is one that I’ve made in real life. Reacting to a scary sound by running outside half-naked or just in a towel? I have lost track of the number of times I’ve done that. Usually, it was because I thought I heard a catfight going on outside. When you hear two cats yelling at each other, you don’t have time to worry about getting fully dressed. Modesty can be the difference between scaring off the other cat or having to take your cat to the vet. I imagine the same is true when it comes to Bigfoot intrusions. Yes, the characters in Demonwarp did some foolish things but they’re all pretty much the same things that I would do.

The other good thing about Demonwarp is that the final 20 minutes features a twist that is so out there and downright weird that it simply has to be seen to be believed. Demonwarp is a thoroughly ludicrous horror film and that’s the main reason to watch it.

Retro Television Review: The Ghost Writer (dir by Adam Rafkin)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  This Thursday, I will be reviewing Ghost Writer, which was produced for Fox in 1990.  The show can be found on YouTube!

Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

(Dir by Adam Rafkin, originally aired on August 15th, 1990)

Elizabeth (Leigh Taylor-Young) is the new wife of famous horror writer Anthony Strack (Anthony Perkins). Elizabeth and her daughter, Cindy (Juliet Sorci), have just moved into Anthony’s mansion, and it’s taking both of them some time to adjust. Anthony is a workaholic but, as he informs his new family, he’s not a psycho. Elizabeth is disturbed by the strange housekeeper (Pam Matteson) and the picture of Anthony’s late first wife that hangs over the fireplace. Cindy is creeped out by her stepbrother, Edgar (Joshua John Miller, who also played a teen vampire in Near Dark and the obnoxious brother in Teen Witch). After Edgar plays a few pranks and then runs off to the cemetery, Anthony realizes that, instead of worrying about how to finish his latest book, he needs to be spending time with his family. Anthony even takes down the picture of his dead wife. Of course, this leads to his first wife’s skeleton rising up through the staircase. She and Anthony share one final dance, and Anthony declares that he now knows how his book is going to end.

This was a pilot that was not turned into a series. I watched it twice before writing this review. The first time I watched it, it was pretty obvious to me why it wasn’t picked up. A lot of the humor fell flat, and Anthony Perkins, who would die two years after this aired, looked tired and unwell. Too many of the jokes were jokes only because Perkins was the one saying them. That said, when I watched it a second time, I saw that, for all of its flaws, the pilot was actually rather sweet-natured, and it probably could have made for a good series if the show had been given an opportunity to develop. Anthony dancing with his wife’s remains and then dedicating his book to her worked surprisingly well. That said, even on a second viewing, Perkins still didn’t seem particularly comfortable delivering sitcom-style one-liners. If ever a role called out for Roddy McDowall, it was the role of Anthony Strack.

I can see why this pilot didn’t become a series, but it did have potential. If nothing else, Ghost Writer is a more than appropriate way to kill 23 minutes in October.

A Blast From The Past: Tip O’Neill’s 3D House of Representatives


Hey, kids!  This week, it looks like Count Floyd has a real scary one!  Sit back and watch this preview for Tip O’Neill’s 3D House Of Representatives!

(This blast from the past comes to us from SCTV and the year 1983.)

Horror Film Review: Black Friday (dir by Casey Tebo)


Black Friday! It’s an unofficial holiday, or at least it was until the COVID lockdowns screwed up everyone’s spending priorities. After spending Thanksgiving with family, eating turkey, and maybe watching a football game or two, people gather outside of their favorite stores and wait for the doors to open. When those doors open, the crowd rushes into the store with the energy of a riot. Getting in the store first presumably means that you’ll be the first to clear all of the marked-down merchandise off of the shelves. It’s your chance to get a good start on shopping for Christmas. If anyone gets in your way, knock them down. If anyone tries to grab what you’re trying to grab, beat them over the head with Junior’s future Christmas gift. Black Friday is a time when you have to be ruthless. Sure, you could just do all of your shopping online, but then you have to hope that your gifts actually arrive on time and without anyone else opening them. My sisters and I used to love Black Friday, though it’s been a while since we’ve participated. To be honest, I imagine it’s one of those traditions that will soon end. New generations will never know the joy of fighting over a silverware set.

That said, as much as customers love Black Friday and as much as business executives enjoy the extra money, I imagine it really has to suck for the poor people who actually work at the stores. I mean, you’re basically giving up your holiday weekend so that you can deal with a bunch of entitled jerks who think that the world is going to end unless they get the perfect gift, and they’re willing to get into a fight and potentially damage merchandise to do it. It has to suck, cleaning and straightening up after a human tornado has torn through your store. That’s why my sisters and I always went out of our way to not make too much of a mess and to pick up after ourselves on Black Friday.

That said, I don’t think that there’s much that we could have done to help out the crew in 2021’s Black Friday. The employees of We Love Toys already know that, as a toy store, they’re going to get hit hard. What they don’t expect is that a virus is going to break out and it’s going to turn the shoppers and anyone bitten by a shopper into the equivalent of a bloodthirsty zombie. The employees soon find themselves trapped in their store, forced to use toys as weaponry. Fortunately, their manager is played by Bruce Campbell, but Bruce isn’t playing Ash Williams here. Instead, he’s just playing a store manager who made the mistake of opening the doors on Black Friday.

Black Friday is occasionally amusing. I liked the fact that it was occasionally difficult to tell the difference between the infected lunatics and the crazed shoppers. I imagine the film itself would be a bit of wish-fulfillment for anyone who has ever worked in a store on Black Friday. It’s not a classic by any means. Some of the characters are a bit underwritten. But it does have Bruce Campbell, and you can’t go wrong there!

Anyway, this Black Friday, remember to be polite to the people who are just trying to collect a paycheck. They deserve to enjoy their holiday too.

A Bonus Horror On The Lens: Carnival of Souls (dir by Herk Harvey)


 

1962’s Carnival of Souls was the only feature film to be directed by Herk Harvey.  It was made on a budget of $33,000 and was filmed in Kansas and Utah, often without permits.  The film was also the feature acting debut of model Candace Hilligoss, cast here as a emotionally withdrawn church organist who is involved in a serious car accident and then finds herself haunted by pasty-faced ghosts and surreal visions.

When it was initially released, Carnival of Souls was dismissed by American critics.  Indeed, it would a little over twenty years before the film started to be appreciated as both a classic independent film and also a truly eerie horror movie.  Today, it’s recognized as a classic of the genre, an expressionistic ghost story that also works as a character study of a woman who is haunted by not just physical death but also emotional malaise.

Carnival of Souls is a Halloween tradition here at the TSL offices.  This year, the tradition continues.  You can read Arleigh’s review here!