Happy Horrorthon! Part 3!!! Drac is back…..ALRIGHT!!!! So, I decided to break this up and give Part 3 its very own post! Dracula needs to face his inner-self and see what makes him tick and fear. Dracula is in the 21st century in an underground secret lab because…why not?! It kept the story fresh and there’s nothing fresher than seeing a private industry emulate bloated government spending.
He’s not there as long as you’d think because Drac got lawyered up and he fed on Agatha’s descendent, BUT she has cancer and it is poisonous to Old Drac. This creates a good plot twist and has a great payoff at the story’s end. This episode tries to plug in the ideas from the book into this modern twist. However, it wasn’t flawless; the Renfield character never really worked for me because the actor kept playing it for comic relief and thought he was in a Benny Hill sketch. Nina played it well. She represented the Information Age: the veneer of sophistication, but really it is just narcissism with an iPhone.
Nina gets into Drac and claims to not fear age or death, but that’s easy to say when you’re young, hot, and everyone wants to get into your britches. Then, once she got turned into a vampire and was burned into a horrible crisp, she couldn’t get staked fast enough! Nina does do more than just become the world’s greatest Roomba achievement; Nina allows Drac to have a mental breakthrough.
Even though Nina was not really as intrepid about death as she claimed, her purported fearlessness attracted Drac for a reason and Agatha 2.0 was going to find out why! Drac is a Veteran. He wanted to die in battle with honor, but he wasn’t able to do so. His continued existence is his shame. Instead of dying in battle, he feared death, forcing him to live as a monster coward. Therefore, his final act of forgiving himself was to drink the poisoned blood of Agatha 2.0.
Her blood, her love, her life, gave Dracula what he needed- Death. Dracula gave Agatha what she needed: to touch the mystical and, by doing so, she touched the face of God. See, I told you it was a love story.
Happy Horrorthon! Dracula is saaaaaaailing, sailing takes me away to where I’ve always heard it could be and he’s eating every one the boaaaat. This episode was almost a bottle episode. Dracula REALLY wants to go to England. I love meat pies too; I can relate! Drac spends the episode eating …. EVERYONE!!! Dracula, Food does not equal love!
I enjoyed the episode, but it was kinda rediculous. Dracula was eating everyone and NO ONE really suspected him until the end? Really? Nah, couldn’t be the weird Eastern European guy whose cabin smells like rotting flesh. Really, just look at the guy! No suspicions?!
There are some interesting people on board, but really I just felt like they were kind of a distraction from the much more Frost/Nixon style debate between Dracula and Agatha. Their dialogue was masterful. It pulled you in and it was SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY – Enlightenment Vs Reason! We’ll sell you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the EDGE!!!!
It turns out that Agatha is Dinner. When Agatha awakens, she and the remaining snacks manage to blow up the ship and Dracula is off the coast of England. He’s next to a hole, a hole, a hole at the bottom of the sea! When he wakes, he walks ashore and it’s MODERN DAY with helicopters! I didn’t see that coming, but why not? This was fun!
The Watcher in the Woods is one of those films that scares you, but you see it in your youth and it first introduces you horror. It’s like a horror movie kiddie pool. I watched this today with my daughters, which makes a really bad dad or a really awesome dad. Not sure.
My Daughter’s – Half Scary, Half weird.
I would agree with that assessment. There’s possession and I think aliens, but they don’t burst out of your chest.
The Curtis family moves into a Good Value house rental in England next door to Mrs. Aylwood (Bette Davis). Right away, poor Jan (Lynn-Holly Johnson) starts seeing weird things all around the property like laser beams. Yes, laser beams. After a lot of strange things, we learn that Mrs. Alywood’s daughter disappeared. The middle-aged townsfolk are somehow responsible….dun dun dun.
There are a lot of themes in this movie that revolve around mirrors and eclipses. For a Disney film, it is pretty scary!
I any case, the movie is free! Watch it and determine for yourself if this was a bad parenting call.
Happy Horrorthon!!! What do you get when you have Basques, Demons, Blacksmithing, and Illegitimate Children? About 91 minutes of entertainment! The toughest part of this movie is getting the title spelling correct. I couldn’t tell if they were speaking their Euskadi language or Spanish. I remember this dialect when I ran with the bulls in Pamplona. I was 22, hard-drinking, and up for anything dangerous. Once you left the city, it all looked liked rural Massachusetts and this film captured that old world culture and better yet, you have didn’t see me at 22 vomiting Paella, making out with Brits and Argentines, or ACCIDENTALLY ending up in a brothel.
The story centers around the reclusive Patxi who is considered a crazy hermit who lives outside of town and Usue, an orphaned child, who lives with the stigma of her mother’s suicide. Patxi was a veteran of the Napoleonic wars. When France invaded Spain, he fought, was captured and sentenced to death by firing squad. In order to see his family again, he made a deal with a demon Sarteal – as you do. Demons, they’re always acting like pun crazy evil genie’s, twisting your wishes to make them terrible.
I would be able to handle such a wish. I would draft a wish document with supporting case law, retain counsel for a minimum of 2 grand to review the wish, and insist the counsel indemnify. Sadly, Paxti did not have my savvy. After he made the wish, he survived and went home to find that his wife thought he was dead, had a baby – Usue- with a lover, and in a rage Paxti killed the lover and the mom hanged herself. In response, Paxti blames Sarteal for his wife’s death, captures Sarteal, and imprisons him in his bunker outside of town. Poor Usue is left parentless because of Paxti.
Side Note: Screw Paxti. Yes, Sarteal’s evil and blah blah blah, but it was Paxti who did the murdering. Take some personal responsibility, Paxti! It’s like that song “Hey Joe” by Jimi Hendrix. Joe is an asshat, but the Narrator is just as guilty. In Errementary, there’s no one else to blame! Unlike this story, Joe confessed that he was “gonna shoot [his] Old Lady and the narrator doesn’t do ANYTHING!!!” Why not say… Heeeey Joe, Where you going with that gun in your hand? Heeeey Joe, Maybe we should have a chat..take a breather…maybe up the meds a bit?Heeeeey Joe, you don’t down own your Old Lady and domestic violence is never acceptable!Heeeey Police, Joe’s got a damn gun and is threatening to murder his wife… yes… right now… he’s heading to.. where is that house honey? …. 72..yeah….7213 Robins Lane. Thank you.
The local kids are constantly taunting Usue and chasing her and, on one occasion, she’s fleeing bullies and goes where they will NOT follow- Paxti’s property. His home and property is riddled with traps, Christian crosses, and other warding. There appears to be a child in a cage that she sets free, but this in fact Sarteal- the demon. Sarteal attacks Paxti, but Paxti gets him back, and then Paxti bonds with Usue by torturing the demon with chickpeas. Yes, Chickpeas. Demons are all OCD if you throw chickpeas on the ground, they have to count them. It comes up repeatedly in the story. It’s a whole thing.
Sarteal is kind of funny actually. He’s a failed soul collector and has been in Paxti’s makeshift prison for at least 20 years. In town, a Tax Collector comes and convinces the townsfolk to enter Paxti’s property because there is supposedly gold there. The Tax Collector, however, is not who he seems (except to Libertarians!)- he’s a demon -Alastor – sent to collect both the Blacksmith’s soul as well as Sarteal who is in poor standing in Hell for being a screw up.
The townsfolk try to enter Paxti’s property, but get caught in Paxti’s many traps he set up to imprison Sarteal if he escaped. The Tax Collector convinces the townsfolk to believe that Paxti is holding or killed Usue on his property. They form a mob with torches…very 3rd Act Frankenstein. Usue wants to see her mom again; therefore, she makes a deal with Alastor to see her mom in Hell in exchange for her soul. Alastor takes her to Hell and Paxti’s sets out to rescue her. He goes to Hell with a Golden Bell because the chimes do things to demons….it’s weird.
The depiction of Hell on their budget was not bad. Paxti does manage to redeem himself. He sends Usue back to Earth and he stays in hell with his bell and to find Usue’s mom…it’s weird. I enjoyed this film A LOT, but mostly because of the live tweeting. So, my advice is to try to watch it in some way with friends!
Happy Horrorthon! I warn you that this post might look …. weird. My Chrome version of wordpress has been possessed. There’s NO OTHER EXPLANATION! EVER!
The Car: Road To Revenge is a sequel to The Car from 1977…. MINDBENDER! No wonder I feel like having a key party and getting an orange couch… Dramatization:
This film was written after Death Race 2050 – ALT Title: Miffed Max: Budget Road, Reviewed like a boss! also by G. J. Echternkamp. I have to write that G.J. is a genuinely nice person and these are great genre films. I could easily see Bruce Campbell starring in a Echternkamp movie. Believe me, I have some ideas….G.J. …DM me. 😉 really! Car 2 is set in a dystopian future, but really it didn’t seem any worse than Seattle today. Car 2 had fancy cars, embattled police, and shitty local government, and lawlessness; if you threw in some drizzle, I’d be right at home.
The film begins with Caddock (Jamie Bamber) of Battlestar Galactica fame. He’s a possessive and corrupt prosecutor who is in an on again off again thing with Daria (Kathleen Munroe). Apparently, he gets an evil computer chip that everyone wants … for some reason. I never fully understood why they wanted the chip or why they’d kill Caddock for it. Did the chip have the recipe for Coca Cola? Were they hardcore gamers? Did it have the latest version of Microsoft Word?
Caddock puts the evil chip into his car and it does …. something. I wasn’t really sure what it did, but when the bad guys go after Caddock for it and kill him, the chip causes Caddock to possess the car. Caddock Car spends the rest of the movie avenging his own death and trying to get Daria to be his … Car Girlfriend? I wasn’t sure how that Daria/Caddock Car consummation would work, but I know she’d have to use plenty of Jiffy Lube or maybe they could MAACO out for a while. I’m not saying it would be a AAA session, but maybe they could get used to it and have a GOODYEAR or two.
Caddock’s murder/slash possession puts Ranier (Grant Bowler) on the case. By on the case, he basically drinks a lot and gets into the pants of Daria. Bad idea because Caddock Car is possessive is it like Daria’s all Meineke and tries to run over Ranier…a lot. Then, the movie gets…weird. The bad guys who want the chip, kill or try to kill A LOT of people to get the chip. Why? It will apparently improve their body augmentations and I don’t mean like the piercings on a Seattle Soccer Mom…. I mean Robotech stuff. Caddock Car manages to squish most of his enemies to death and I mean jump on a Capri-Sun when you’re bored at your kid’s soccer game squish.
Caddock Car eventually gets the majority of his revenge. I had trouble figuring out who to root for sometimes, but I guess it was Daria. She was pretty badass and eventually kills Caddock Car, but Caddock Car is avenging his murder…so, maybe him too. Anyway, Caddock Car gets driven into the bottom of a …lake? Quarry? Large above ground pool? I could not really tell where the car ended up, but it’s dead…or is it???
Happy Halloween!!! I have reviewed A LOT of Halloween movies! They’re pretty… pretty good This one’s good, This one’s not badthis one’s probably my best. This Halloween movie was …. well … fine. There’s a spectrum of Halloween franchise films. Some are amazing, some are epically terrible, and some are fine. Not terrible, just ok. This is in the meh category, but like much of life itself- kinda dull and disappointing as you slowly degrade towards the infinite.
Michael in an insane asylum and about to be transferred….again, but to make it different this time annoying podcasters interview him first. So…. it’s kinda new? But really, this guy escapes custody more than El Chapo, but they keep moving him around movie after movie after movie. I know that this movie is supposed to disregard all the ones after the first one, but that really is just an excuse to recycle the old tropes. I wish they’d taken another route like they did in H20, which is still amazing and holds up really well.
The big change is that Laurie Strode has been waiting for Michael’s inevitable escape. She turned her home in a fortress with all kinds of booby traps. She has an arsenal that my grandma would’ve been proud to see. Unfortunately, it drove Laurie to raise her daughter Karen (Judy Greer) like a special forces recruit and always afraid and a quasi-prisoner. Karen, now an adult with a family of her own, wants nothing to do with her gung ho mom, but her Karen’s daughter Allyson (Andi Matichak) wants the family to reunite by inviting her to mom to dinner and it goes…yikes.
The unsung character of the movie that provides the only comic relief was Karen’s husband Ray (Toby Huss) who got not a tear from anyone when Michael made short work of him. Really, no one cared at all about the dad getting killed, not the wife or the daughter; only Michael seemed to care and he murdered the guy. Poor dads, we’re just cast aside like old meat- no one cares.
The movie have A LOT of bad decisions; if bad boxers lead with their chins, these guys led with their necks. I guess that’s why it was tough for me to feel sympathetic for the victims because they were so dumb that I figured something else would’ve gotten these walking Darwin Awards: stopping on railroad tracks, taking a selfie in a lion enclosure at a zoo, or getting eaten by a Labrador Retriever…somehow.
In any case, I would get this on netflix; it was …fine.
The short is a treat like chicken nuggets or playing Wing Commander III. It needs to establish a backstory and a plot without a lot expedition, but keep the popcorn popping! Alter is a fun treat! It has an entire section on Horror Comedy. I love a good scary suspense The Ring nailbiter, but An American Werewolf in London style horror comedy are just what the doctor ordered today.
This one hit all of the horror tropes, but it WAS A TRAP!!! Janelle, the protagonist, wanted revenge on the psycho who disfigured her and she used the horror checklist to lure him in to her spider web for the kill. I really liked this twist because mixed girl power with exploitation. Thumbs up!
Trick or Treaters in the post-apocalypse or is it just San Francisco?
Four kids in traditional costumes go out for candy and find a survivalist house with loads of guns, but hey candy is on the line! The home is occupied buy a very tired husband and wife. The wife is getting sick, but it appears that the kids might be in the house!!!
The wife disappears and the husband is confronted by one of the kids in a ghost costume. These aren’t ordinary trick or treaters and those costumes aren’t store bought!!!! It’s kind of cool figuring out what’s going on in the end. It’s a very fun short!
Yes, they have comic versions of The Twilight Zone! I really enjoyed this and I know that some of you are like….hmmm is this horror? Yes… Yes, it is. No further questions! Besides, we have a Twilight Episode to discuss. The Twilight Zone always leaned more into horror IMO. The Outer Limits was all about teaching you a moral lesson, but TTZ was all about the scare factor.
I enjoyed this format too. Face it, a lot of the TTZ episodes don’t hold up amazingly well. It’s the truth….Deal With It! The book has all the components of a good TTZ episode: the setup of perceived normality that takes a terrible left turn. There aren’t many things more normal or boring than air travel. The flight is just a typical run to La Guardia and the passengers appear very normal as well: the chatty passenger, the braggy passenger, and the emotionally unstable passenger.
These archetypal passengers pull us into the story much like the Stephen King stories do. Stephen’s characters are your neighbors and these passengers are too. But, something isn’t right is the friendly skies! They feel hit a pocket of air and their speed goes into the thousands of miles per hour and whammo – they start time traveling! They arrive in 1939 and don’t stop because they want to get back to their own time- So no killing Hitler for these time travelers. Then, they arrive in the Cretaceous and decide not to land because Jurassic Park is so five minutes ago, but then they arrive in the future.
This one troubled me a bit. They are low on fuel and the future has cable and they can’t screw up time. Really, they could just try to make a go of it in their new time. No one seemed like things were that amazing for them in the present. I mean, why not just land? You’d at least make a living on the talk show circuit. The comic ends with ambiguity. They are low on fuel and lost in time.
I would recommend checking these issues out. They’re a lot of fun and have a good creep factor.
Happy Horrorthon! There’s a Half-Deer woman (DeerTaur?) on the loose and only Martin Tupper…I mean Detective Dwight Faraday can stop her…maybe. Many of you don’t remember Dream On from the late 80s-early 90s on HBO, but it was awesome. Benben played this kinda cranky book editor Martin Tupper who always thought in movie clips and seeing him act again was like being a wee kid again who quietly watched Dream On after his parents fell asleep. Dream On BTW was hilarious and created by John Landis- Check it Out! Yes, The American Werewolf in London director and he did Thriller.
Well, in the early 2000s Mick Garris got a lot of the greats from the 80s and 90s to do short horror films and Deer Woman was one of them. In Deer Woman, Drunk dudes are getting trampled to death and Detective Faraday is assigned to the case.
Faraday is a down and out detective who no one respects. Martin Tupper was a down and editor who no one respected. Faraday is actually not a terrible detective. He follows up leads and sees where they go. He checks with the coroner and sees that the bodies are riddled with hoof prints. You know what makes hoof prints? Deer-Taurs!!!!
Also, men are really portrayed as dumb and horny. The Deer-Taur picks her next victim up at a hotel bar without speaking a word, but the dudes don’t seem to mind. Once the seduction is on, she tramples him with her hooves! Yes, hooves. I love this show!
What’s not to like?! Deer-Taurs, Detectives, and hooves! There’s also a great dream sequence when Faraday imagines how the kill went down where a Deer in flannel carries off a victim Creature from Black Lagoon style. It’s hilarious. This is what’s great about Landis; his horror is always interspersed with great comic relief.
Anywho, bodies keep dropping and they’re so beat up that their arms are found on rooftops! AWESOME!!! Does Detective Faraday stop the Deer-Taur? Who Cares?! It’s got Deer-Taurs and Brian Benben! I would definitely recommend finding this show however you can. Pretty much all of the Masters of Horror episodes are great. Cheers!