Jay Harrington | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, cliffhangers are abandoned and emotions run wild.

Episode 4.2 “Treasure Hunt”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on August 2nd, 1998)

When last we checked in with Pacific Blue, we had a bit of cliffhanger going on. Bobby Cruz was still considering whether or not to become a bicycle cop. Detective Monica Harper was preparing to go back to her usual department. And TC had just announced to Strickland and Granger that he wasn’t sure whether or not they would be continuing as bike cops.

Well, apparently, that all got worked out between episodes. Strickland and Graner are still bike cops and they no longer appear to be living in that funky loft they were occupying during the previous episode. Bobby is now a bike cop. And Monica is a bike cop too because apparently, she got transferred to Pacific Blue. She explains to Bobby that she goes wherever she’s sent but she’s not real happy about being a bike cop. Hey, Monica, we’ve already got a whiny character on this show. We don’t need another.

That whiny character — and yes, it is Chris Kelly — wants to be a sergeant. So does Cory. Both Chris and Cory take the sergeant’s exam. Chris scores higher, though only by five points. However, TC offers the sergeant’s position to Cory. Chris, of course, whines about his decision. TC replies that Cory’s been with the department longer and, unlike Chris, she’s never been written up for having a bad attitude. TC feels that Cory will be a better role model for the new recruits and he’s probably right. I mean, one of the few consistent things about Pacific Blue has been that Chris is generally thin-skinned and fairly rude to the people that citizens that she’s supposed to be protecting. Chris is the bike cop who always seemed to be annoyed whenever she actually has to talk to anyone who doesn’t ride a bicycle.

One reason that is not mentioned for TC not promoting Chris is that Chris and TC are now married and I have to wonder how it would look if TC’s first action as commander was to promote his wife. Honestly, how are TC and Chris even working together now? This seems like a textbook case of conflict of interest.

As for the rest of the show, Strickland killed her first bad guy. Shaken after shooting a convenience store robber, Strickland goes to a bar and gets drugged! It turns out that someone is slipping GHB into the drinks on the boardwalk. Could it have something to do with two obnoxious radio hosts who are broadcasting from the pier? Bobby Cruz is not happy when he discovers that his 15 year-old sister is apparently a fan of their program….

Yes, Bobby Cruz is a Mexican-American bicycle cop from a tough neighborhood who is very protective of his younger sister. Wasn’t that Victor Del Toro’s character as well? Being from Texas, I’ve always been very aware of how television has always stereotyped any character who happens to have a Spanish last name. With Pacific Blue, it looks like they just crossed out Victor Del Toro’s name in their scripts and wrote in Bobby Cruz instead.

Finally, Monica is looking for a new apartment. Cory tries to keep Monica from finding out that there’s an apartment available in her building because …. Cory’s a bitch, maybe? I don’t know. It’s very out-of-character for Cory. How is Cory going to be a sergeant if she gets this upset and petty over a new person being assigned to Pacific Blue?

Oh! Also, Cory’s pregnant! So far, only Chris knows. Why would anyone tell Chris anything? Chris is like hella mean….

Wow, a lot happened in this episode! In fact, I’d say almost too much happened in this episode. One got the feeling that the show’s writers wanted to focus on the newer members of the squad but, at the same time, they knew they had to come up with something for Chris to whine about. In the past, Pacific Blue often felt understuffed. This episode was definitely overstuffed.

Something is going to have to give.

Turkey Hollow was the final Lifetime film on my DVR. I watched it when it originally premiered on November 21st and I was actually surprised to discover that I enjoyed it. I’m not sure why it take me so long to get around to writing a review. It probably had something to do with the holidays…

And speaking of holidays, Turkey Hollow is a Thanksgiving film! There’s a surprising lack of Thanksgiving films. There’s a countless number of horror-themed Halloween films and there are millions of Christmas movies but, with the exception of Turkey Hollow and that slasher film that Eli Roth said he might make some day, Thanksgiving has always been curiously underrepresented. So, let’s start this review by thanking the makers of Turkey Hollow for paying some respect to Thanksgiving…

As for the film itself, it takes place in a town called Turkey Hollow. The economy of Turkey Hollow is entirely built around raising turkeys to be killed for Thanksgiving. The most powerful man in town is evil old Eldridge Sump (Linden Banks), who pumps his turkeys full of dangerous drugs and chemicals.

One of the few people willing to stand up to Eldridge is a hippie vegan named Cly (Mary Steenburgen). As the film begins, Cly is being visited by brother (Joey Harrington) and his two children. At first, Annie (Genevieve Buechner) and her younger brother, Tim (Graham Verchere) struggle to get used to life Aunt Cly’s house. Not only does Cly not eat meat but she doesn’t have wi-fi either! Seriously, it’s crazy…

Tim becomes fascinated by the legend of the Hoodoo, a creature that is said to live in the wilderness around Turkey Hollow. One day, while at searching for it, he accidentally releases all of Eldridge’s turkeys. Now, under the bizarre bylaws of Turkey Hollow, Clay will automatically lose her property unless she comes up with $10,000.

However, Tim and Annie have a plan! They’re going to track down the Hoodoo, take a picture, and sell it to a tabloid. However, while out searching, they don’t come across the Hoodoo. Instead, they discover four other bizarre creatures.

The monsters — which were created by the same people who created the Muppets — are obviously Turkey Hollow‘s main attraction. They were also the main reason why I felt some trepidation about watching the film. From the commercials, they looked like they might be a little bit too cutesy. I was terrified that they would spend the entire movie breaking out into song. But, when I watched the movie, the creatures actually turned out to be so ugly that they were adorable. They were cute but they were never cutesy and I appreciated that.

Anyway, Turkey Hollow turned out to be a lot better than I thought it would. It’s a film for kids but, at the same time, there’s a few jokes for the adults (mostly dealing with Cly’s use of marijuana) and, in the role of narrator, Ludacris is often quick to point out the film’s more … well, ludicrous moments. At its best, his narration is reminiscent of Aubrey Plaza’s voice over as Grumpy Cat in Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.

We definitely need more Thanksgiving movies and Turkey Hollow is a good enough start.