Tag Archives: Horrorthon

Backrooms, Horror Film Review by Case Wright

Posted on by casewright

I actually thought that I reviewed “Backrooms” already, but I had not. However, since it is October, it’s a perfect time to review this …. story. The fanbase is Star Wars-level obsessive and just because I don’t particularly care for something, it doesn’t mean it’s terrible- it usually does, but maybe this time is different. I can’t be correct – all the time…. or can I?

This film started as a 4chan post that went viral and the writer/director Kane Parsons built his life around this 4chan post. Then, he went all found footage on its ass. From the age of sixteen to twenty, his entire life was devoted to this magical world that looks a lot like a cubicle farm without the cubicles. The backrooms is a place where you expect to see sad data entry professionals working in sweatshop conditions. Maybe the backrooms is really just a front for an H1-B scam? Whenever a person enters the backrooms, all the workers are gone; so, maybe they used the backrooms as a means to move around their illegal data entry group and things got out of hand, creating a H1-B multiverse?

The film’s quantum mechanics are very intricate, but the movie itself has a very thin plot like saran wrap thin. Backrooms is 95% lore and the plot exists just to have more scenes wandering around the backrooms. Clark is the vehicle we use to get into the backrooms; he is the protagonist – sort of. He is an abusive alcoholic and failed architect who likely killed his wife. He also runs a furniture store and has employees who hate him, but that’s pretty normal for Clark because Clark is an asshat. In fact, his asshattery is so well-developed that even his therapist thinks he’s a boring jerk.

During one of his self-loathing sessions, Clark goes to his store’s basement and tries to do some electricity maintenance and he falls through a portal in his wall to …. wait for it…the backrooms! They basically look like the same room that he was in, but crappier and there are infinite backroom dimensions and quasi-fake people who you can eat- if you want. Apparently, it is okay to go Dahmer on these freaky people because they are “still lifes” – copies of copies of the earth prime people- I think.

He tells his therapist about the backrooms and she checks them out and nearly dies. I would have avoided this adventure and I would’ve been just fine. Clark, unlike me, becomes obsessed with the backrooms, gets his employees to explore them with him, and all the employees die because of a monster or because Clark eats them. Yes, Clark is a quasi-cannibal or a full-on cannibal or he is long pig curious. Don’t worry, Clark is stopped because he gets eaten by a paper mache version of himself. I always knew that arts and crafts were the devil’s workshop.

You could say that the backrooms are a Clark eat Clark world….

If you want to understand the backrooms, be prepared to have A LOT of homework like D&D dungeon master levels of homework!

Horror On The Lens: Robot Monster (dir by Phil Tucker)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

 

I love this movie!

In this 1953 film, a gorilla wearing a diving helmet uses the Calcinator Death Ray to wipe out almost all human life on Earth.  Only 8 people survive, among them a professor, his family, and Roy (future Eurospy star, George Nader).  Ro-Man (George Barrows) is hounded by his superior to track down and destroy the survivors.  Ro-Man does his best, though the humans prove to be …. well, they’re not really that resourceful.  In fact, they’re pretty dumb.  But Ro-Man is pretty dumb himself.

Regularly (and incorrectly) cited as being one of the worst films ever made, Robot Monster is an enjoyably absurd hybrid of horror and science fiction.  Earth is destroyed through a combination of bad lighting effects and stock footage and the arguments between Ro-Man and his superior have to be heard to be believed.  Robot Monster is actually a bit more self-aware than a lot of people realize.  This is a low-budget Z-movie that realizes that it’s a low-budget Z-movie and which cheerfully embraces its identity.  Robot Monster is a personal favorite and it’s a bit of Halloween tradition around these parts.

And now, enjoy Robot Monster in all of its black-and-white glory!

 

 

Horror Song of the Day: Buio Omega by Goblin

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror song of the day comes from the 1979 film, Beyond The Darkness.

This film’s theme song, courtesy of Goblin, was so acclaimed that it later turned up in several other Italian horror film, usually without anyone bothering to credit Goblin.  In this video below, it’s performed by the members of Goblin Reborn, who should not be confused with the members of Claudio Simonetti’s Goblin or Goblin Legacy.

(I swear, the members of prog rock bands are almost as difficult to keep track of as the minor members of European royalty.)

As for the image behind the band, that is Cinzia Monreale, who played two roles in Beyond The Darkness.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Cheatin’ Harry Gets Grabbed In Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

From 1958’s Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Harry discovers that cheaters never get away with it.  Especially when they’re cheating on someone who is 50 feet tell….

4 Shots From 4 Horror Films: October 7th

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

4 Shots From 4 Horror Films

The Exorcist (1973, dir by William Friedkin)

Torso (1973, directed by Sergio Martino)

The Iron Rose (1973, dir by Jean Rollin)

The Crazies (1973, dir by George Romero)

Music Video of the Day: Nemesis by Shriekback (1985, directed by Tony van den Ende)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Everybody happy as the dead come home!  You’ll never get that chorus out of your head after listening to Nemesis.

Director Tony can den Ende has also done music videos for The Proclaimers, Meat Loaf, Melissa Etheridge, Joe Cocker, Thomas Dolby, Manic Street Preachers, and Guns N’ Roses.

Enjoy!

Horror On TV: Fear Itself 1.6 “New Year’s Day” (dir by Darren Lynn Bousman)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s episode of Fear Itself is a macabre zombie story that takes place on New Year’s Day and which features a twist ending!  Watch this one with the lights off.

The episode originally aired on July 17th, 2008.  Director Darren Lynn Bousman is best-known for his Saw films.  Personally, I’m a fan of his 2010 thriller, Mother’s Day.

October Hacks: The Bye Bye Man (dir by Stacy Title)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

There are certain films that have scenes that make you laugh even though you really shouldn’t. When I finally got around to watching 2017’s The Bye Bye Man earlier this year, there was one scene that almost caused me to fall off my couch from excessive giggling.

It really shouldn’t have made me laugh, but I couldn’t help it. It’s hard for me to explain what was so funny about it, but I’ll try. One of the film’s characters is standing in the middle of some train tracks. A train is rapidly approaching. Yikes! Nothing funny about that. The character does not move. She fully intends to get struck by the train. We get a close-up of the character on the tracks, and then we get a close-up of the train’s engineer suddenly realizing that she’s standing in front of his train.

“NO!” he says.

It’s the “No!” that gets me. He doesn’t yell, “Get out of the way!” He doesn’t yell, “STOP THE TRAIN!” In fact, as far as I can tell, he doesn’t even try to stop the train, and seeing as how he’s the engineer, one would think that would be something he would know how to do. Instead, he sees her and he goes, “NO!” When he says it, he uses the same tone of voice that I use when I’m telling a cat not to sharpen its claws on the furniture. He’s not saying, “No, this can’t be happening!” He’s not saying, “Oh God, NO!” Instead, he’s saying, “No, don’t you stand on those tracks!” It’s such a fake and awkward moment that I couldn’t help but laugh. Later, I couldn’t help but wonder why no one was willing to say, “Well, let’s just leave that NO! on the cutting room floor. It’s not like it really adds anything to the film.”

That’s the type of film that The Bye Bye Man is. It’s inept in almost every way, from the acting to the script to the editing to …. well, everything. It’s a film that was obviously meant to launch a franchise. The Bye Bye Man was meant to be the type of evil presence who would haunt the nightmares of a generation of filmgoers. If you don’t want The Bye Bye Man to come after you, all you have to do is not say or think his name. But as soon as you see that name, that’s all you can think about. He’s kind of like Candyman, just without any sort of subtext. One has to wonder how he ended up with a name like Bye Bye Man. Maybe it’s explained in the film and I was too busy laughing at that awkward “NO!” to notice. It’s entirely possible.

I may have also been busy wondering what Faye Dunaway was doing in this film. She only has a small role. It’s really more of a glorified cameo than anything else. She plays the widow of a reporter who, years earlier, discovered the existence of The Bye Bye Man. This film came out a month or so before Dunaway and Warren Beatty accidentally gave the Best Picture Oscar to the wrong film at the 89th Annual Academy Awards. I’d like to think that was her getting revenge on Hollywood for not giving her better roles.

The Bye Bye Man did not lead to a franchise, which is a shame. I would pay money to see the future adventures of that engineer.

 

SOV Horror Review: Vampire Time Travelers (dir by Les Sekely)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

First released in 1998, Vampire Time Travelers is not an easy film to describe.

The film opens with a title crawl that informs us that, years ago, a vampire stalked the members of a sorority but fortunately, the vampire was defeated.  In fact, vampire Lorelei (Jillien Weisz) was forced into a coffin.  A cross was put on the coffin, trapping her there.  This was all apparently engineered by her sister, Natalia, who is never fully seen but who is often heard.  In the five years between Lorelei getting put in the coffin and the rest of the film, Natalia is killed by a sorority girl named …. wait for it …. Buffy.  Now, Buffy’s younger sister, Susan Ann Marie (J.J. Rodgers), is pledging to the same sorority and Natalia’s spirt wants revenge.  A man in a hood whispers to two kids that there’s copies of “Pet House” stashed in the coffin.  (Both boys look directly at the camera as a guitar riff plays on the soundtrack.)  The boy remove the cross and Lorelei is set free.

Sam — as Susan Ann Marie prefers to be called — is attending a sorority initiation at a professor’s house.  Also at the initiation is bitchy Vaughn (Lynne Baker), former tennis star Heidi (Ali Elk), surprisingly tall Jenna (Micky Roth), and aspiring rock star Zoe (Kat Facchino).  Natalia attempts to bite Sam’s neck while she’s sleeping but it turns out that she’s not strong enough.  She has to drink the blood of the other sorority sisters first.  But since she can’t find the strength to pierce anyone neck, she has to bite a different location.  “Bite her in the butt!” a bearded man says.  “Ewww, gross!” Lorelei says.  I agree!

Lorelei is not the only monster lurking in this film.  There’s also the Man Who Lives In The Closet (JC Grigg), who represents the childhood fear of something hiding in the …. well, the closet.  And then there’s The Man Who Won’t Call Back (played by the film’s director, Les Sekely), who haunts Zoe’s nightmares.  While Lorelei is forced to undergo remedial vampire training, Zoe bonds with The Man Who Lives In The Closet and Heidi seeks revenge against those who she blames for ending her tennis career.

Got all that?

There’s a lot going on in this 69-minute film and none of it is meant to be taken seriously.  Vampire Time Travelers is a SOV horror film that cheerfully sends up all of the cliches that one associates with SOV filmmaking.  The acting is intentionally over-the-top.  The dialogue is full of deliberately bad puns.  The plot is so twisty that it’s impossible to follow.  Usually, all of this would be a problem but, in this film, the incoherence is the point.  It’s not supposed to make sense.  Instead, the film is about tossing out one joke after another and seeing how many of them work.  For every joke that falls flat, there’s one that works wonderfully.  I laughed a lot more than I thought I would.  This movie may be crude but it’s also surprisingly clever.

Vampire Time Travelers is an effective SOV mix of horror and comedy.  It took me totally by surprise.