How can I be your dream? Because even though I’m currently all the way in Arlington, celebrating my niece’s 3rd birthday (Happy Birthday, Shannon! — that’s the cool thing about the Internet, this’ll still be here in the future for her to read), I still made the time to put together this weekend’s edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers. And I can be your nightmare because … well, that’s my little secret.
Anyway, here’s this weekend’s trailers…
1) Beyond Evil (1980)
Several posts ago, I featured a trailer for a movie called Death Has Blue Eyes. (I love that title, by the way. I’m going to call my autobiography Lisa Marie Has Mismatched Eyes.) Judging from the trailer, this movie could have been called Evil Will Have Wide Lapels. Speaking of eyes, this is yet another movie from 1980 to feature someone shooting beams from her eyes. Apparently, eye beams were a big deal in the early 80s.
2) The Dark (1979)
For example, The Dark came out in 1979 and what does it feature? That’s right — laser beams being shot from the eyes. Seriously, was this a metaphor for all the cocaine that I’ve heard people were snorting back then?
3) Parts: The Clonus Horror (1979)
Films in the 70s and the early 80s were apparently not just obsessed with aliens shooting lasers from their eyes. They were also obsessed with character actor Keenan Wynn. He was featured in The Dark and, that same year, he was also featured in Parts: The Clonus Horror. As for Clonus Horror, I’m guessing that it must be a grindhouse version of one of last year’s best films, Never Let Me Go.
4) The Clones (1973)
Speaking of clones, here’s the trailer for The Clones. Now, some people have claimed that this might be the most boring trailer ever but I kinda like it just because I think the constant switching from the overly dry voice over to the more surreal scenes of the film creates a kinda neat effect. Believe it or not, I actually have a battered old VHS copy of this film. And it’s not half bad. It ends with this really neat gunfight at an abandoned amusement park that — for some reason — just happens to be sitting out in the middle of Death Valley. Oh, and John Drew Barrymore is in it, acting like John Drew Barrymore. (I also love the fact that apparently, cloning was such a new concept at this point that the trailer had to include a guide to make sure people understood how to properly pronounce the word.)
5) Rituals (1977)
Actually, I guess the 70s most have been scary all around because apparently, not even Hal Holbrook was safe. I’ve heard good things about this movie though I’ve never actually seen it. I know Code Red announced a DVD release but is Code Red even in business anymore? It’s difficult to keep track. Anyway, this looks like a good movie to have on hand if I ever have to justify why I don’t camp.
6) Venus In Furs (196?)
Well, the 70s are pretty icky, huh? Maybe it’d be better if we took our cinematic time machine back to the 60s, when this adaptation of the Marquis De Sade’s Venus in Furs was apparently made and released. I don’t know much about this film beyond the fact that it is not to be confused with Jess Franco’s Venus in Furs, which starred James Darren and Klaus Kinksi.