January True Crime: The Versace Murder (dir by Menahem Golan)


In 1997, a 27 year-old man named Andrew Cunanan went on a killing spree, one that took him from San Diego to Miami Beach.  Though the FBI were already looking for him, Cunanan did not receive national attention until July 15th, 1997.  That was the day that Cunanan shot and killed fashion designer Gianni Versace in front of Versace’s mansion.  By that time, Cunanan had already killed at least four other people.  A week after killing Versace, Cunanan would take his own life, shooting himself on a houseboat that he had broken into.

Andrew Cunanan’s motives have remained a mystery.  It is known that at least two of the victims, Jeff Trail and David Madson, was acquainted with Cunanan.  Madson had a long-distance relationship with Cunanan that he ended a year before he was murdered.  Cunanan reportedly described Madson as being “the love of his life,” though Cunanan also apparently had a history of lying.  Whether Cunanan knew Chicago businessman Lee Miglin before killing him is a matter of some controversy.  It’s agreed that cemetery caretaker William Reese was only killed because he came across Cunanan stealing his truck.  Whether or not Cunanan had ever met Versace before in not known.  Cunanan claimed he had but, again, Cunanan had a history of lying.

In 2018, Cunanan and his crimes were the focus of the second season of Ryan Murphy’s American Crime Story.  Darren Criss won an Emmy for playing Cunanan and the series itself was critically acclaimed.  Personally, I thought the series started out strong but ran out of gas about halfway through as it became clear that Andrew Cunanan, much like the Menendez brothers, wasn’t really that interesting of a character.  Indeed, watching the show, I got the feeling that Cunanan’s main motivation was bitterness over the fact that he was essentially a fairly boring and uninteresting person.  He didn’t have much of a personality so he tried to fill that void by going after people who did.

American Crime Story may be the best-known dramatization of Cunanan’s crimes but it was hardly the first.  In 1998, less-than-a-year after Cunanan’s suicide, Menahem Golan’s The Versace Murder was released on video.  Shane Perdue played Andrew Cunanan.  A sad-eyed Franco Nero played Gianni Versace.  Steven Bauer and Renny Roker played the two FBI agents who pursued Cunanan across the country.  The film was shot in 20 days and watching it, it’s easy to see that it was a rush job.  Some scenes run too long, some scenes run too short.  Occasionally, the background music is so overwhelming that it’s a struggle to hear what anyone’s saying.  It’s definitely an exploitation film, made quickly as to capitalize on the interest in the case before everyone moved on.

And yet, it’s a strangely effective film.  A lot of that is due to the performance of Franco Nero, who doesn’t get a lot of screen time but who still makes a definite and even poignant impression as Versace.  The film’s strongest moments come towards the end, when the two FBI agents come across as a vigil being held in front of Versace’s mansion and they realize just how much Versace meant to the people of Miami Beach.  Matt Servitto and David Wolfson are also sympathetic as David Madson and Jeff Trail.  These three performances capture the tragedy of Cunanan’s crimes.  In the end, the fact that Shane Perdue is a bit bland in the role of Andrew Cunanan feels almost appropriate.  Whether it was intentional or not, Menahem Golan’s The Versace Murder reminds us that Andrew Cunanan’s victims deserve to be remembered far more than the man who killed them.

Scenes That I Love: Franco Nero Opens The Coffin in Django


In this scene, from Sergio Corbucci’s Django, the film’s title character (played by my man, Franco Nero) reveals what’s actually in the coffin that he’s been dragging from town to town.

6 Trailers For The Tuesday Before Halloween


It’s a holiday and you know what that means!

Or maybe you don’t.  Sometimes, I forget that not everyone can read my mind.  Anyway, I used to do a weekly post of my favorite grindhouse trailers.  Eventually, it went from being a weekly thing to being an occasional thing, largely due to the fact that there’s only so many trailers available on YouTube.  Now, Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers is something that I usually only bring out on a holiday.

Like today!

So, here are 6 trailers for the last week of October!

  1. Last House On The Left (1972)

“Two girls from the suburbs.  Going to the city to have …. good time….”  Wow, thanks for explaining that, Mr. Creepy Narrator Dude.  That classic tag line about how to avoid fainting would be imitated time and again for …. well, actually, it’s still being imitated.  This was Wes Craven’s 1st film and also one of the most influential horror films of all time.

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Speaking of influential horror movies, the trailer for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is almost scarier than the film itself!

3. Lisa Lisa (1977)

I love this trailer!  Can you guess why?

4. Ruby (1977)

Ruby, starring Piper Laurie!  I’m going to assume this was after Piper Laurie played Margaret White in Carrie.  Don’t take your love to town, Ruby.

5. Jennifer (1978)

Jennifer was another film that pretty obviously inspired by Carrie.  In this one, Jennifer has psychic control over snakes.  So, don’t mess with Jennifer.

6. The Visitor (1979)

Finally, this Italian Omen rip-off features Franco Nero as Jesus, so it’s automatically the greatest film ever made.

Happy Weekend Before Halloween!

Holiday Film Review: Die Hard 2: Die Harder (dir by Renny Harlin)


During 1990’s Die Hard 2, John McClane (Bruce Willis) asks himself, “How can the same shit happen to the same person twice?” and he does have a point.

I mean, consider the situation.  In 1988, McClane spent his Christmas sneaking around a skyscraper and saving his wife from a group of sadistic mercenaries.  Two years later, John McClane spends his Christmas sneaking around an airport and saving his wife from a group of sadistic mercenaries.

There are a few differences of course.  In 1988, the mercenaries were only interested in stealing as much money as they could and each mercenary had his own properly ghoulish personality.  In 1990, the mercenaries are really more of a cult, led by the fanatical Col. Stuart (William Sadler).  And, along with trying to make some money, they are also trying to free General Ramon Esperanza (Franco Nero), a Central American drug lord and former CIA asset.  Despite the fact that the mercenaries are played by familiar actors (like Robert Patrick, John Leguizamo, Tony Ganois, and Vondie Curtis-Hall), none of them are quite as memorable as the henchmen that Alan Rickman commanded in the first film.  And while Sadler has charisma and makes a big impression during his first scene, his character is nowhere near as interesting or entertaining as Hans Gruber.  Franco Nero, it must be said, is as dashing as ever.  He really seems to be having fun in this movie.

A lot more people die in Die Hard 2 than died in the first Die Hard and the majority of them are innocent bystanders.  This isn’t like the first film, where Harry Ellis died because his coke-addled mind led him to believe that he could outsmart Gruber.  The victims in Die Hard 2 include a friendly church caretaker and over 200 passengers of an airplane that Stuart tricks into crashing on an airport runway.  The scene where the plane crashes remains disturbing no matter how many times that you see it and it truly makes you hate Colonel Stuart.  When the plane crashes, despite McClane’s futile efforts to warn the pilots, McClane sobs and it’s a powerful scene because it’s the first scene in which McClane has not had a quip or a one-liner ready to go.  In this scene, McClane fails to save the day and, for a few minutes, he’s helpless.  I usually end up crying with McClane.  Today, those tears are also a reminder of what a good actor Bruce Willis truly could be whenever he let down his defenses and allowed himself to be vulnerable on screen.

Die Hard 2 is usually dismissed as not being as good as the first movie and …. well, that’s correct.  It’s not as good but then again, few actions films are.  There’s a reason why Die Hard continues to be held in such high regard.  That said, Die Hard 2 is not bad.  The stakes are a bit higher and the action scenes a bit more elaborate, as you would expect from a film directed by Renny Harlin.  Bruce Willis plays McClane with the blue collar swagger that made his such an awesome hero in the first film.  Bonnie Bedelia and William Atherton also return from the first film and Atherton once again gets his comeuppance in a crowd-pleasing moment.  The cast is full of character actors, all of whom get a chance to make an impression.  Dennis Franz is the profane head of security who eventually turns out to be not such a bad guy.  John Amos is the major who eventually turns out to be not such a good guy.  Colm Meaney has a few heart-breaking moments as the pilot of the doomed airplane.  My favorite supporting performance is given by Fred Thompson, bringing his quiet authority to the role of tough but fair-minded Air Traffic Control director.  Watching Die Hard 2, it does feel as if the viewer has been dropped in the middle of these people’s lives.  Everyone seems real.  No one seems like a mere plot device.

Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?  You bet it is!  But so is Die Hard 2 and it’s not a bad one.

6 Classic Trailers For May 31st, 2022


The Delta Force (1986, directed by Menahem Golan)

93 years ago, on this date, Menahem Golan was born in Israel.  After serving in the Israeli Air Force, Golan would attend the Old Vic Theater School in London before returning to Israel and launching his legendary career in film.  With his cousin, Yoram Globus, and using Roger Corman as both a mentor and a inspiration, Golan would go on to producer and direct some of the most successful films in Israeli history.  Eventually, Golan and Globus would purchase Cannon Films and would be responsible for some of the greatest (in a fashion) films of the 80s.

Though Golan was best-known as a producer, he never stopped directing.  Today, on what would have been his birthday, Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse Trailers presents 6 trailers for 6 Golan films!

  1. Lepke (1975)

After finding great success in Israel, Golan first attempted to break into the American market with this biopic about the head of the Mafia’s Murder, Inc., Louis “Lepke” Buchalter.  Though the budget was low, Golan managed to get a name — in this case, Tony Curtis — to play the lead role.  As you can tell, the trailer wanted to make sure that you knew that this film was about Lepke.

2. Enter the Ninja (1981)

This was, I think, the first film that Golan directed after buying Cannon Films.  How great is Enter the Ninja?  It stars Franco Nero as a ninja!  Seriously, you don’t get much greater than that.  Anyway, as I think I’ve stared on this site before, Enter the Ninja is a lot of fun and Franco Nero was the sexiest ninja of the 80s.

3. The Delta Force (1986)

Chuck Norris was a Cannon mainstay and it seems appropriate that he starred in The Delta Force, a film that was very important to Golan.  The Delta Force was essentially a remake of an 1977’s Operation Thunderbolt, an Israeli film that earned Golan his only Oscar nominations when it was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film.  The Delta Force did not receive any Oscar nominations but it has a legion of fans.  Our own Jedediah Leland has frequently described this film as being the greatest ever made.  I don’t know if I’d go that far but still, it is always satisfying to see Chuck blow up the bad guys at the end of the movie.

4. Mack the Knife (1989)

Menahem Golan directs a musical!  Unfortunately, this film has never received a proper DVD or Blu-ray release.  Though it was a Cannon production, Golan and Globus had a falling out (one that was, at least partially, caused by Golan spending money on films like Mack The Knife) and Golan ended up distributing this film himself.  I find the trailer to be intriguing.  The film itself is on YouTube so I’ll watch it someday …. maybe.

5. Hit The Dutchman (1992)

Much like Lepke, this film is about a real-life gangster.  In this case, the gangster was Dutch Schultz.  Interestingly enough, the trailer suggest that Al Capone was active in New York whereas everyone knows that, though Capone did get his start in New York, he didn’t become a prominent gangster until he relocated to Chicago.

6. Crime and Punishment (2002)

Finally, this adaptation of the great novel was a bit of passion project for Golan.  He filmed it in Russia in 1993 but, because of financial difficulties, it was not given a release until 2002.

Insomnia File #46: Enter the Ninja (dir by Menahem Golan)


What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or Netflix? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

It’s been nearly a year since I did my last Insomnia File.  To be honest, as much as I enjoy writing these posts, I feel like the idea behind the Insomnia File format has become obsolete.  The days of people dealing with insomnia by randomly flipping through movies and infomercials have pretty much come to an end.  Now, if someone has insomnia, they’re more likely to binge an old show on Netflix.

That said, if you had insomnia at one in the morning last night and you didn’t feel like binging The Office for the hundredth time, you could have turned over to TCM and watched the 1981 film, Enter the Ninja.

What would you have gotten out of Enter the Ninja?  Five words: France Nero as a ninja.  Seriously, what more do you need?  Nero plays Cole, a former mercenary who goes off to Japan, trains to become a ninja, and then heads off for the Philippines, where his old mercenary friend, Frank (Alex Courtney), owns a farm.  Frank and his wife, Mary-Ann (Susan George) are having problems because evil businessman Charles Venarius (Christopher George, chewing up the scenery as the bad guy) is determined to force them off of their land.  Add to that, Frank is a pathetic drunk.

Soon, Cole is putting on his white ninja suit and fighting to protect the farm and also dealing with Venarius’s ninja, who just happens to be an old rival of Cole’s.  Cole is also carrying on an affair with Mary-Ann but that’s not big deal because Frank isn’t much of a man.  One of the most interesting things about Enter the Ninja is that it may be a martial arts film but it’s also a modern western and a domestic drama.  Cole could just as easily be a gunslinger, protecting the homesteaders.  Frank and Mary-Ann could just as easily be a couple on a daytime drama.  Instead, they’re all in a ninja film.

The main appeal of Enter the Ninja is Franco Nero, an actor who — in his prime — was one of the sexiest men to ever appear in the movies.  He spends a good deal of the film with his face covered but the important thing is that you can still see those beautiful blue eyes.  As usual, Nero gives a good performance with so-so material.  Nero brings his trademark intensity to the role and he does actually seem to care about whether or not his friends lose their farm.

Enter the Ninja was directed by the legendary Menahem Golan, a filmmaker who understood the importance of never letting the action slow down.  Enter the Ninja is dumb, over the top, and entertaining.  Plus, it’s got Franco Nero!  What else do you need at one in the morning?

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid

6 Trailers For The Sunday Before Halloween


It’s a holiday and you know what that means!

Or maybe you don’t.  Sometimes, I forget that not everyone can read my mind.  Anyway, I used to do a weekly post of my favorite grindhouse trailers.  Eventually, it went from being a weekly thing to being an occasional thing, largely due to the fact that there’s only so many trailers available on YouTube.  Now, Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Film Trailers is something that I usually only bring out on a holiday.

Like today!

So, here are 6 trailers for the last week of October!

  1. Last House On The Left (1972)

“Two girls from the suburbs.  Going to the city to have …. good time….”  Wow, thanks for explaining that, Mr. Creepy Narrator Dude.  That classic tag line about how to avoid fainting would be imitated time and again for …. well, actually, it’s still being imitated.  This was Wes Craven’s 1st film and also one of the most influential horror films of all time.

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Speaking of influential horror movies, the trailer for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is almost scarier than the film itself!

3. Lisa Lisa (1977)

I  have actually never watched this film but I love the trailer.  Can you guess why?

4. Ruby (1977)

Ruby, starring Piper Laurie!  I’m going to assume this was after Piper Laurie played Margaret White in Carrie.  Don’t take your love to town, Ruby.

5. Jennifer (1978)

Jennifer was another film that pretty obviously inspired by Carrie.  In this one, Jennifer has psychic control over snakes.  So, don’t mess with Jennifer.

6. The Visitor (1979)

Finally, this Italian Omen rip-off features Franco Nero as Jesus, so it’s automatically the greatest film ever made.

Happy Weekend Before Halloween!

Bloody Good Show: Franco Nero in DJANGO (Euro International 1966)


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A solitary man is dragging a coffin through bleak, rocky terrain. He comes across a helpless female tied to posts, being whipped by a gang of banditos. A group of mercenaries, adorned in red scarves, shoot down the bandits. The group, members of ex-Confederate Major Jackson’s marauders, plan on burning the woman alive. The solitary man, watching all this, guns down her attackers with blinding speed, freeing her and offering protection. The man’s name is… DJANGO!

Any resemblance between Sergio Corbucci’s seminal 1966 Spaghetti Western and Sergio Leone’s 1964 A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS   is not strictly coincidental. Both movies are uncredited adaptations of Akira Kurosawa’s 1961 YOJIMBO, though Corbucci’s version of the tale takes more liberties and  he succeeds to out-Leone Leone with the brutal, unrelenting violence, making this a must-see film for fans of the genre.

Django takes the woman, a half-Mexican named Maria, to a desolate ghost town inhabited only by saloon proprietor Nathaniel…

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Never Nominated: 16 Actors Who Have Never Been Nominated For An Oscar


Along with being one of the greatest actors who ever lived, the late Peter O’Toole had another, far more dubious achievement.  He holds the record for being nominated the most times for Best Actor without actually winning.  Over the course of his long career, Peter O’Toole was nominated 8 times without winning.

But, at least O’Toole was nominated!

Below are 16 excellent actors who have NEVER been nominated for an Oscar.  10 of these actors still have a chance to get that first nomination.  For the rest, the opportunity has sadly past.

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  1. Kevin Bacon

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t like Kevin Bacon?  Amazingly, despite several decades of good performances in good films, Kevin Bacon has yet to be nominated.  That said, he seems destined to be nominated some day.  If nothing else, he deserved some sort of award for being the most successful cast member of the original Friday the 13th.  (As well, 40 years after the fact, his cry of “All is well!” from Animal House has become one of the most popular memes around.)

2. Brendan Gleeson

This brilliant Irish actor deserved a nomination (and probably the win) for his brave performance in Calvary.  But, even if you ignore Calvary, his filmography is full of award-worthy performances.  From The General to Gangs of New York to 28 Days Later to In Bruges to The Guard, Gleeson is overdue for some recognition.

3. John Goodman

John Goodman deserved to be nominated this year, for his performance in 10 Cloverfield Lane.  He brought warmth to both Argo and Inside Llewyn Davis.  And he was absolutely terrifying in Barton Fink.  John Goodman is one of the most underrated actors working today.

4. Malcolm McDowell

It’s obviously been a while since Malcolm McDowell had a truly great role.  But who could forget his amazing performance in A Clockwork Orange?  For that matter, I liked his sweetly gentle performance in Time After Time.  Someone give this man the great role that he deserves!

5. Ewan McGregor

Ewan McGregor is an actor who is oddly taken for granted.  His performance in Trainspotting remains his best known work.  But, really, he’s been consistently giving wonderful performances for twenty years now.  Sometimes — as in the case of the Star Wars prequels — the films have not been worthy of his talent but McGregor has always been an engaging and compelling screen presence.  When it comes to playing someone who is falling in love, few actors are as convincing as Ewan McGregor.

6) Franco Nero

Franco!  If for nothing else, he deserved a nomination for playing not only Lancelot in Camelot and not only the original Django but also for playing Intergalactic Space Jesus in The Visitor.  I also loved his work in a little-known Italian thriller called Hitchhike.  Nero is still active — look for him in John Wick 2 — and hopefully, he’ll get at least one more truly great role in his lifetime.

7) Sam Rockwell

Let’s just get this out of the way.  In a perfect world, Sam Rockwell would already have an Oscar.  He would have won for his performance in 2009’s Moon.  He also would have received nominations for The Way, Way Back and Seven Psychopaths.  Sadly, Sam’s still waiting for his first nomination.  Again, the problem may be that he’s such a natural that he just makes it look easy.

Andy Serkis

8) Andy Serkis

Andy Serkis has never been nominated, despite giving some of the best performances of this century.  He should have been nominated for Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.  He should have won for Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

9) Harry Dean Stanton

Harry Dean Stanton has been around forever and he’ll probably outlive everyone else on the planet.  He often seems to be indestructible.  Harry Dean is the epitome of a great character actor.  He’s a modern-day John Carradine.  And, just as John Carradine was never nominated, Harry Dean seems to destined to suffer the same fate.  Oscar may have forgotten him but film lovers never will.

10) Donald Sutherland

It’s hard to believe that Donald Sutherland has never been nominated for an Oscar but it’s true.  He probably should have been nominated for his work in Ordinary People and JFK.  Even his work in The Hunger Games franchise was an absolute delight to watch.  I imagine that Sutherland will be nominated someday.

Donald Sutherland and Kristen Stewart

Finally, here are 6 actors who sadly were never honored by the Academy and who are no longer with us:

  1. John Carradine

I mentioned John Carradine earlier.  Carradine was a favorite of many directors and he brought his considerable (and rather eccentric) talents to a countless number of films.  Among his best performances: Stagecoach and The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

2. John Cazale

Before his untimely death, John Cazale acted in 5 films: The Godfather, Godfather Part II, The Conversation, Dog Day Afternoon, and The Deer Hunter.  All five of them were nominated for best picture.  12 years after his death, archival footage of him was used in The Godfather Part III.  It was also nominated for Best Picture.  Not only is Cazale alone in having spent his entire career in films nominated for best picture but, in each film, Cazale gave a performance that, arguably, deserved to be considered for a Best Supporting Actor nomination.  Cazale was an amazing actor and it’s a shame that he wasn’t able to give us more great performances.

3. Oliver Reed

Oliver Reed was a legendary drinker but he was also an amazingly entertaining actor.  I’m not a huge fan of Gladiator but his final performance was more than worthy of a posthumous nomination.

Alan Rickman

4. Alan Rickman

When it comes to the late Alan Rickman, it’s not a question of whether he should have been nominated.  It’s a question of for which film.  I know a lot of people would say Rickman deserved a nomination for redefining cinematic villainy in Die Hard.  Personally, I loved his performance in Sense and Sensibility.  And, of course, you can’t overlook any of the times that he played Snape.

5. Edward G. Robinson

Edward G. Robinson was never nominated for an Oscar!?  Not even for Double Indemnity?  Or his final performance in Soylent Green?  Horrors!

6) Anton Yelchin

It’s debatable whether or not Anton Yelchin ever got a chance to give a truly award-worthy performance during his lifetime.  I would argue that his work in both Green Room and Like Crazy were pretty close.  But, if Yelchnin had lived, I’m confident he would have eventually been nominated.  We lost a wonderful talent when we lost him.

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A Quickie With Lisa Marie: Killer Mermaid (dir by Milan Todorovic)


 

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Killer Mermaid!

That’s a great title, isn’t it?  Originally, the title of this 2014 film from Serbia was Nymph.  However, by the time it reached Netflix, it had become Killer Mermaid.  And really, everything you need to know about this movie is right there in that title.  It’s a movie about a mermaid that kills people.  If you have a strong desire to see a movie about a mermaid that kills people, Killer Mermaid is for you.  If you don’t have that desire, then you’re probably not going to be reading this review.

Killer Mermaid takes place in Montenegro.  Two American tourists — Kelly (Kristina Klebe) and Lucy (Natalie Burn) — are visiting their old friend Alex (Slobodan Stefanovic) and his girlfriend Yasmin (Sofija Rajovic).  (Just in case we forget that Kelly and Lucy are Americans, Lucy wears American flag shorts.)  At first, they do typical Americans-in-Europe things.  Kelly attempts to confront some past childhood trauma.  Lucy sleeps with Alex and then worries about Yasmin finding out.  They meet and flirt with Bobban (Dragan Micanovic), a local who looks a lot like Lost‘s Henry Ian Cusick.

And then they make plans to spend a day on a nearby island and exploring an abandoned old military fortress.  They do this despite a local fisherman, Niko (Franco Nero!), telling them that it’s a terrible idea because the fortress was built by evil Nazis and anyone who explores it is destined to die a terrible death.

“Ha!”  the tourists say, “We’re too young and American to die in Montenegro!  Now, let’s go to the remote island with some guy that we’ve only known for 12 hours…”

Ignoring Niko, they go out to the island and … well, you can probably guess what happens.  There’s a mysterious caretaker (Miodrag Krstovic) wandering around the fortress.  He’s protecting something very important to him and, if that means he has to kill some tourists, so be it.

What is the caretaker protecting?  Well, you can probably guess from the title of the film.  There’s a mermaid (Zorana Kostic Obradovic, who has a fantastically evil smirk) living in the waters around the island and she’s a killer.  Whenever she sings, Alex, Bobban, and the caretaker all go into a state of zombiefication.  As women, Kelly, Lucy, and Yasmin are all immune to the mermaid’s song but it really doesn’t matter because, even with that advantage, no one is anywhere close to being smart enough to survive a horror movie.  Just the fact that they ended up on that island in the first place should tell you all you need to know about the intelligence of the characters in Killer Mermaid

But that’s okay because, with the exception of Niko and maybe Bobban (depending on whether or not you had a crush on Lost‘s Desmond Hume), you really don’t care enough about any of these characters to get upset over their impending doom.  This film is all about the killer mermaid.  It takes her a while to show up and she doesn’t get any lines but she still dominates the entire film.  Say what you will about the script and some of the performances, the filmmakers went to the trouble to give us a believable and viscous mermaid.

Killer Mermaid works far better than it should.  Yes, it’s pretty much your standard killer monster movie but the film looks good and the mermaid is an impressive monster.  While it may never make sense for everyone to have headed off for that island in the first place, the film still makes good use of the atmospheric location.  Add to that, Killer Mermaid delivers exactly what it promises.

And, of course, you’ve got Franco Nero as Niko!  Now, I have to admit that I didn’t recognize Franco when he first showed up.  He’s made up to look as weather-beaten as possible and Nero downplays his trademark charisma, playing Niko as a haunted and emotionally withdrawn man.  To be honest, it’s a far better performance than you would probably ever expect to see in a film called Killer Mermaid but, then again, that’s always been the case with Nero.  He’s always good, no matter how bad some of his movies may occasionally be.  As I’ve said in the past, any movie can be saved by a random Franco Nero appearance and that’s certainly the case with this one.

(That said, it’s hard to imagine that any film will ever top the exhilarating oddness of Franco Nero’s cameo as Jesus in The Visitor.)

That’s Killer Mermaid for you.  It’s exactly what you think it is but, with that in mind, it’s entertaining enough.

And it’s currently available on Netflix!