Here’s the latest extremely adorable trailer for Pixar’s The Good Dinosaur!
Enjoy!
Category Archives: Film
Let’s Talk About Sharktopus Vs. Whalewolf!
On Saturday night, SyFy premiered Roboshark and Mega Shark vs. Kolossus and viewers like me will be forever thankful. However, SyFy wasn’t done giving us treats. On Sunday night, another new film premiered. It was called Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf and I’m not ashamed to say that it was absolutely brilliant.
Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf takes place in the Dominican Republic. A disgraced baseball player, Felix Rosa (played by Mario Arturo Hernandez,) goes to a mysterious German scientist, Dr. Reihnhardt (Catherine Oxenberg), in search of a treatment that will again make him a superstar. However, as often happens with mad scientists, Dr. Reinhardt has an agenda of her own and soon Felix has been transformed into a hybrid between a whale and wolf. This means that he looks like a wolf but he swims like a whale and he tends to act like a dog.
Except, of course, when he’s eating people.
When he’s eating people, he’s all Whalewolf.
Meanwhile, alcoholic boat captain Ray (Casper Van Dien, giving a likable and energetic performance) has discovered that Sharktopus — a creature with the head of shark and the body of an octopus — is swimming in the waters around the Dominican Republic. At first, Ray and his sidekick, Pablo (Jorge Eduardo De Los Santos), aren’t too concerned about the Sharktopus or anything else. But then the local voodoo priest (Tony Almont) demands that they bring him the heart of Sharktopus and, when they don’t promptly comply, he starts to stick pins into Ray and Pablo voodoo dolls.
While all of that is going on, Ray’s almost girlfriend, police officer Nita (Akari Endo), is trying to keep the peace but that’s a little bit difficult when you not only have to deal with a voodoo cult, an alcoholic boat captain, and a German mad scientist but also with Sharktopus and Whalewolf as well!
But that’s not all! A Dominican version of The Bachelor is being filmed nearby. It would be a lot easier for the bachelor to find love if not for the fact that Sharktopus keeps eating all of his potential wives.
And finally, there’s a tourist who is vacationing in the Dominican Republic and is convinced that she’s starting a new chapter of her life. Needless to say, things don’t exactly end well…
Okay, you may have read all that and may now be under the impression that there’s a lot of going on in Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf and you are absolutely correct. This is a very busy film but, then again, that’s exactly why it works. The pace is relentless and the action is nonstop. No time is wasted when it comes to introducing both Sharktopus and Whalewolf. It’s nonstop Sharktopus and Whalewolf action, without a single slow moment.
The tone is pretty much set from the moment that Catherine Oxenberg first appears and starts to speak in the most over-the-top, deliberately exaggerated German accent ever heard. Then Casper Van Dien shows up, pulling flasks out of his pockets and, at one point, getting into a literal slap fight with Sharktopus. (Casper Van Dien gives a performance that can be positively compared to the best work of Bruce Campbell.)
Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf works as both an entertaining monster film and a glorious send up of the entire genre. If you missed it for the first time, keep an eye out for another showing.
And hopefully, Sharktopus will soon return!
Let’s Talk About Mega Shark vs. Kolossus!
It was while watching Mega Shark vs. Kolossus that I discovered that, apparently, I have the power to kill fictional characters with my tweets. As soon Dr. Sergie Abramov (Patrick Bauchau) first appeared on screen, I tweeted out my prediction that he was “doomed,” largely because he was “eccentric and old.” 15 minutes later, a group of gun-toting mercenaries showed up and gunned Dr. Abramov down.
AGCK!, I thought, I didn’t really mean to kill him…
Now, normally, I would have to admit that discovering that I possessed that much power would lead to a lot of thought and reflection on my part. But you know what? I was enjoying myself way too much to really feel that bad about getting Dr. Abramov killed. That’s the type of film that Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is. It’s a lot of fun and, if the cost of that fun is that Dr. Abramov had to die … well, so be it.
Produced by the Asylum and directed by Christoper Douglas-Olen Ray (who also directed A House Is Not A Home and Shark Week), Mega Shark vs. Kolossus premiered on SyFy right after Roboshark. I have to admit that, when the film began, I wasn’t sure that anything could successfully follow the brilliance that was Roboshark.
But, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus proved my doubts wrong.
Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is not only a good SyFy film and a worthy entry in the Mega Shark franchise but it’s also a lot of fun. If I could only pick a handful of movies to justify my love of SyFy and Asylum films, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus would definitely be right there with End of the World and Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Mega Shark vs. Kolossus has everything — from the knowing humor to the over-the-top action to the flamboyant monsters — that you could possibly want from a SyFy film.
At heart, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is a delirious homage to the old school Godzilla films where Godzilla would have to reluctantly save humanity from yet another giant monster. (Kolossus is even reminiscent of the robotic Godzilla from Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla.)
As the film starts, the world has been thrown into chaos as the result of all of the previous Mega Shark attacks. Admiral Jackson (Ernest Thomas) is determined to track down and destroy Mega Shark but Dr. Alison Gray (Illeana Douglas) argues that if we would just leave Mega Shark alone then Mega Shark would leave us alone. Billionaire Joshua Dane (Brody Hutzler) claims to agree with her but is it possible that he has ulterior motives of his own? Well, consider this: has there even been a truly benevolent billionaire in an Asylum film?
Meanwhile, in the Ukraine, Kolossus — a giant robot that was created during the Cold War — has accidentally be activated. Can secret agent Moria King (Amy Rider, who totally kicked ass and who deserves to appear in every subsequent Mega Shark film) and CIA analyst Spencer (Edward DeRuiter, who also wrote the film’s script) figure out how to control Kolossus?
And, finally, will Kolossus and Mega Shark meet and fight? Well, the answer to that one is right in the title of the film.
Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is delirious fun, a surprisingly well-acted and entertaining homage to the great monster movies of the past. Obviously, Mega Shark is the top-billed star here but, for me, the film is really stolen by Kolossus. This behemoth of robotic mayhem dominates almost every scene in which he appears and hopefully, he’ll return for a future movie. Could Sharktopus vs. Kolossus or Roboshark Meets Kolossus be in the future? I certainly hope so!
Mega Shark vs. Kolossus is terrific and entertaining. If you missed it the first time, keep an eye out for a future showing. You will not be disappointed!
We love you, Kolossus!
Let’s Talk About Roboshark!
In case you missed it, it is currently Shark Week on the SyFy network. (Or, as the Snarkalecs and I like to call it, Snark Week!) Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No will be premiering this Wednesday and, in honor of that historic event, SyFy has devoted this week to broadcasting some of their trademark original movies. Along with showing such classics as Jersey Shore Shark Attack, Shark Week, Two-Headed Shark Attack, and Ghost Shark, SyFy is also premiering 6 new shark films.
Roboshark, the first of these premieres, was aired on Saturday night. Now, obviously, there was no way that I would be able to resist watching a film with a title like Roboshark.
Roboshark, like many great SyFy films, opens with something falling out of the sky and landing in the ocean. A chunk of UFO plunges into the water and is promptly eaten by a normal, every day shark. Soon, that shark is transformed into … ROBOSHARK! With its fins glowing red and a twitter account of his very own, Roboshark attacks Seattle.
That’s right! Roboshark destroys a Starbucks, eats hipsters, and eventually takes out an eccentric billionaire named Bill Glates (Steve Sires) and it’s all a lot of fun to watch. And before everyone decides to leave a snarky comment pointing out my typo, allow me to assure you that the character was indeed named Bill Glates. However, he looked and sounded just like Bill Gates and, seeing as how Windows 8.1 has had 40 updates this month alone, there was something undeniably satisfying about seeing him get eaten by a roboshark.
As often happens in SyFy film, Roboshark isn’t really bad. He’s just misunderstood. He uses his twitter account to communicate with Melody (Vanessa Grasse), the daughter of Trish (Alexis Peterman), the local “wacky weathergirl” who is looking to prove herself as a serious journalist by covering the roboshark attack. Unfortunately, Trish continually finds herself overshadowed by her rival reporter, Veronica (Laura Dale, giving a nicely comedic performance).
Meanwhile, Trish’s husband, Rick (Matt Rippy), has been half-recruited and half-kidnapped by Admiral Black (brilliant Nigel Barber), who is determined to save the world from Roboshark, even if he has to destroy the Seattle Space Needle to do it. (“But the Space Needle is the symbol of Seattle!” Rick protests.) Admiral Black is addicted to energy drinks and seems to be having a lot of fun being the craziest guy in the room. His character was a lot of fun.
Actually, the whole film is a lot of fun. Roboshark is a great example of everything that we love about SyFY films. It was a deliberately over-the-top film full of inside jokes and a really cool monster. And I’m not just saying that because Roboshark retweeted me several times on Saturday night.
(Though he totally did! Love you, Roboshark!)
Roboshark is the type of film that must be watched with a large group of people looking to have a good (and silly) time. It’s the type of film that literally begged to be live tweeted and, needless to say, that’s exactly what a lot of us did. Here are just a few tweets from the epic Roboshark live tweet:
If you missed Roboshark the first time, keep an eye out for it! It’s everything we love about SyFy shark movies!
We love you, Roboshark!
Val’s Movie Roundup #4: Hallmark Edition
Recipe For Love (2014) – The movie begins with Lauren (Danielle Panabaker) as a kid writing a food blog about cafeteria food. She is told that’s a no no by the school. Then we jump ahead to when she’s an adult working in a kitchen. Suddenly, an opportunity falls into her lap. She is asked to ghostwrite a cook book for a television chef named Dexter Durant (Shawn Roberts). At first there is a little friction, but it doesn’t last long. The two open up to each other pretty quickly. We see behind the facade Dexter puts on for the audience and Lauren genuinely wants to make this cookbook happen. It’s not like this is a story about a woman whose voice is hidden behind a man’s. And it’s not about tearing down this fake personality to see Dexter fall from grace or watch him give up this thing he was only doing for fame. They work together, fall for each other, and both come out of the process better then when they began it. They both still love cooking and want to continue to do so with each other. I really liked that she wasn’t bashing against a wall that finally comes down in the end. Both of them begin to deal with each other as real people early on. I liked this Hallmark movie better than most I have seen.
Catch A Christmas Star (2013) – I swear if it isn’t a dog movie, it’s a bible movie, otherwise it’s a Christmas movie. In fact, director John Bradshaw has made eight of them. This film introduces us to a family that has a little girl who likes a singer named Nikki (Shannon Elizabeth). She shows up at a record signing and wouldn’t you know it, turns out Nikki knows her Dad from the past. There’s no sense in spelling out the rest of the plot because you already know it. I didn’t like this one. I didn’t feel any chemistry. Shannon Elizabeth doesn’t act well. She certainly can’t sing. And while she is probably the nicest and sweetest person I could ever meet in real life, she looks like a plastic doll to me in this movie. I just couldn’t push past that. I’ve only seen four Hallmark Christmas movies, but I would go with A Royal Christmas (2014) instead.
My Boyfriends’ Dogs (2014) – This year I replaced my desktop PC with a Mac. I kind of regret the choice of going with a Mac because the software is lousy. The hardware is giving me some problems too. But I’m going off on a tangent. My point is that while the computers have given out over the years, the monitors still work fine. As a result, I have the monitor that comes with the all in one Mac and two monitors from previous computers attached for a three monitor setup. This movie is like that. It follows Bailey (Erika Christensen) as she goes from one boyfriend to another, picking up their dogs along the way. It’s actually quite funny to see two of them show up on her doorstep with a dog for her to adopt. At the center of this series of dates is the guy at the pet shop cast because we can instantly tell he’s a good guy. Now all of this is told in flashback. At the beginning of the movie, Bailey wanders into a cafe wearing a wedding dress where she recounts her story to a some guy and Joyce Dewitt of Three’s Company fame. Turns out the final boyfriend almost became her husband before she ran out, dogs and all. I won’t spoil the ending, but it will have you yelling, “Oh, come on!” This one’s okay, but Recipe For Love is the best of the four in this roundup.
For Better or for Worse (2014) – This one is a Romeo and Juliet style story. You have the mother who does weddings. You have a father who does divorces. Their children decide to come together, become vegans, and organic farmers. Obviously, that doesn’t go to well with the parents. What follows is the parents getting closer while trying to drive the kids away, only to figure out that as weird as it seems, the kids are actually pretty happy together. The two parents also turn out to be happy as well with each other. Wait, I just realized something. I know it’s a little wishy washy, up for argument, and they did it in Clueless, but that smells a little like incest. A little weird for a Hallmark movie. Oh well, is it worth your time? You can do worse. It’s a decent 90 minutes or so without commercials. I wouldn’t seek it out, but if it’s on, then just enjoy it to pass the time.
In Memory of Alex Rocco
Alex Rocco, the gravelly voiced actor who died last Saturday, had something that set him apart from other tough guy actors. Alex Rocco had life experience.
As a young man living in Boston, Rocco was associated with members of the infamous Winter Hill Gang. In 1961, a member of the Charleston Mob named George McLaughlin allegedly made a pass at Rocco’s girlfriend. Two other members of the Winter Hill Gang retaliated by beating up McLaughlin, setting off the Irish Mob War of the 1960s. By the time the war ended, the Charleston Mob had been eradicated and Alex Rocco had relocated to California, where he worked as a bartender and took acting lessons from Leonard Nimoy.
Alex Rocco was best known for appeared in The Godfather as Moe Greene, the Las Vegas “businessman” who made his bones while Michael Corleone was still going out with cheerleaders. However, Alex Rocco’s career began long before The Godfather, when he played a gangster in the Batman TV series and made his feature debut in Russ Meyer’s Motropsycho!
In 1973, Alex Rocco returned to Boston, playing a bank robber in The Friends of Eddie Coyle. This sadly underrated crime film was based on the real life history of the Winter Hill Gang. When stars Robert Mitchum and Peter Boyle wanted to research their roles, it was reportedly Alex Rocco who arranged for them to spend time with their real-life counterparts.
Rocco did not just play gangsters. He also appeared as cops in films like The Boston Strangler, Detroit 9000, and The Stunt Man. However, for many, Alex Rocco’s best non-gangster role will always be providing the voice of studio head Roger Meyers, Jr. on The Simpsons. Meyers was just as determined to make cartoons and protect his father’s legacy as Moe Greene was to keep the Corleones out of Las Vegas.
So, for one last time, let us put on our glasses and tell Bart and Lisa to “mail it to me next week when I might have cared.” Rest in peace, good gentleman. Thank you for the memories.
4 Shots From 4 Films: Summer Wars, Redline, Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise, Ōkami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki
Typically, site anime expert pantsukudasai56 would be the one to recommend anything and everything anime. Anime in its series form, OVA (original video animation) and/or straight up film. I like to think my knowledge of anime is second only to his.
While I’ve had an off and on love affair with anime throughout the years I have seen my fair share of anime film. From pantsukudasai56’s viewpoint, only those anime that were produced from beginning to end with the intent of having a film release qualifies as anime film. OVA productions he sees as a sort of straight-to-video releases and shouldn’t qualify. his own initial 4 Shots From 4 Films entry were all anime films.
With his example as a guide I have chosen four anime films that veteran and burgeoning fans of the art form should check out. Two come from the heir apparent to the great Satoshi Kon. Another is a hyperkinetic (even for an anime) traditional hand-drawn anime which has had a major influence on the more recent Fast and Furious films. The fourth is a film from the late 80’s which rekindled my love for anime during my high school years.
4 SHOTS FROM 4 FILMS
Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise (dir. by Hiroyuki Yamaga)
Playing Catch-Up With 6 Film Reviews: Avengers Grimm, Bad Asses On The Bayou, Hayride 2, Insurgent, Poltergeist, Tomorrowland
Here are 6 films that I saw during the first half of 2015. Some of them are on Netflix and some of them were major studio releases. Some of them are worth seeing. Some of them most definitely are not.
Avengers Grimm (dir by Jeremy M. Inman)
Obviously made to capitalize on the popularity of Avengers: Age of Ultron, Avengers Grimm opens with a war in the world of fairy tales. Evil Rumpelstiltskin (Casper Van Dien) uses Snow White’s (Laura Parkinson) magic mirror to cross over into our world and he takes Snow White with him! It’s now up to Cinderella (Milynn Sharley), Sleeping Beauty (Marah Fairclough), and Rapunzel (Rileah Vanderbilt) to cross over into our world, save Snow White, and defeat Rumpelstiltskin. Also sneaking over is rebellious Red Riding Hood (Elizabeth Petersen) who is determined to kill Rumpelstiltskin’s henchman, The Wolf (Kimo Leopoldo).
Got all that?
Avengers Grimm is another enjoyably insane mockbuster from The Asylum. The budget’s low, the performances are intentionally melodramatic, and it’s all lot of fun. Casper Van Dien has a lot of fun playing evil, the women all get to kick ass, and Lou Ferrigno is well-cast as a labor leader named Iron John.
Avengers Grimm is currently available on Netflix.
Bad Asses On The Bayou (dir by Craig Moss)
Apparently, this is the third film in which Danny Trejo and Danny Glover have respectively played Frank Vega and Bernie Pope, two old guys who kick ass in between worrying about their prostates. I haven’t seen the previous two Bad Asses films but I imagine that it really doesn’t matter.
In this film, Trejo and Glover go to Louisiana to attend a friend’s wedding. When she’s kidnapped, they have to rescue her and impart some important life lessons to her younger brother. It’s all pretty predictable but then again, it’s also pretty good for a film called Bad Asses On The Bayou. This is a film that promises two things: Danny Trejo kicking ass and lots of bayou action. And it delivers on both counts.
In fact, I would say that Bad Asses On The Bayou is a better showcase for Danny Trejo’s unique style than the better known Machete films. Danny Trejo is a surprisingly adept comedic actor and he gives a performance here that shows his talent goes beyond mere physical presence.
Bad Asses On The Bayou is currently available on Netflix.
Hayride 2 (dir by Terron R. Parsons)
I should admit up front that I haven’t seen the first Hayride film. Luckily, Hayride 2 picks up directly from the end of the first film and is filled with so many flashbacks and so much conversation about what happened that it probably doesn’t matter.
Essentially, Pitchfork (Wayne Dean) is a murderous urban legend who turns out to be real. He killed a lot of people in the first film and he stalks those that escaped throughout the 2nd film. Like all good slasher villains, Pitchfork is a relentless killer. He’s also an unrepentant racist, which leads to a genuinely unpleasant scene where he attacks a black detective (Corlandos Scott). Say whatever else you will about the film, Hayride 2 deserves some credit for being on the side of the victims. No attempt is made to turn Pitchfork into an anti-hero and the movie is relentlessly grim.
Hayride 2 is an odd film. The film’s low-budget is obvious in every single scene. The pacing is abysmal and the performances are amateurish. And yet, when taken on its own meager terms, it has a dream-like intensity to it that I appreciated. Then again, I always have had a weakness for low-budget, regional horror films.
Hayride 2 is available on Netflix.
Insurgent (dir by Robert Schwentke)
Insurgent is both the sequel to Divergent and was also 2015’s first YA dystopia film. Shailene Woodley is as good as ever and I guess it’s good that she has a commercially successful franchise, which will hopefully inspire audiences to track down better Shailene Woodley films like The Spectacular Now.
All that said, Insurgent often felt even more pointless than Divergent. For a two-hour film featuring performers like Woodley, Kate Winslet, Octavia Spencer, Ansel Elgort, and Miles Teller, Insurgent has no excuse for being as forgettable and boring as it actually was. The next installment in The Hunger Games can not get here soon enough.
Poltergeist (dir by Gil Kenan)
When a family (led by Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt) move into a new house, they discover that everything is not what it seems. For one thing, they come across a bunch of creepy clown dolls. They also hear a lot of scary sounds. They discover that the house was built on an old cemetery. Their youngest daughter vanishes. And finally, someone says, “Isn’t this like that old movie that was on TCM last night?”
Okay, they don’t actually say that. However, as everyone knows, the 2015 Poltergeist is a remake of the 1982 Poltergeist. Since the 1982 Poltergeist still holds up fairly well, the 2015 Poltergeist feels incredibly unnecessary. It has a few good jump scenes and it’s always good to see Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt in lead roles but ultimately, who cares? It’s just all so pointless.
Watch the wall-dancing original. Ignore the remake.
Tomorrowland (dir by Brad Bird)
Welcome to the world of tomorrow! Wow, is it ever boring!
Actually, I feel a little bit bad about just how much I disliked Tomorrowland because this is a film that really did have the best intentions. Watching the film, you get the sinking feeling that the people involved actually did think that they were going to make the world a better place. Unfortunately, their idea of a better world is boring and almost oppressively optimistic. There is no room for cynicism in Tomorrowland. Bleh. What fun is that?
Anyway, the film basically steals its general idea from the Atlas Shrugged trilogy. Tomorrowland is a secret place that is inhabited by inventors, dreamers, and iconoclasts. Years ago, Frank (George Clooney) was banished from Tomorrowland because, after learning that the Earth was destined to end, he lost “hope” in mankind’s future. Fortunately, he meets Casey (Britt Robertson), who is full of hope and through her, he gets to return. They also get a chance to save the world and battle a cartoonish super villain played by Hugh Laurie. (Why is he a villain? Because he’s played by Hugh Laurie, of course!)
After all the hype and build-up, Tomorrowland turned out to be dull and predictable. What a shame. The Atlas Shrugged trilogy was at least fun because it annoyed the hipsters at the AV Club. Tomorrowland is just forgettable.
Film Review: Antboy (2013, dir. Ask Hasselbalch)
“How about Antman?
Antman? It’s already taken”
I came across this on Netflix a few months back, but since Ant-Man is out now, I thought it was time to watch it. It’s a Danish film and I would like to take a moment to be thankful that it is not Lars Von Trier. Anyways, this film follows the adventures of Pelle Nøhrmann (Oscar Dietz). One day after running away from bullies, he winds up in someone’s backyard. It’s there that a radioactive spider…I mean an ant crawls up onto his neck and bites him. Then we get that shot inside the brain from X-Men and so many other movies.
After passing out, Pelle goes home to bed. Then he has the bat dream…I mean the ant dream. That night he goes into the kitchen in a daze and eats a bunch of stuff. The next day powers begin to emerge.
You know the milk carton itself has expired when it sticks to your hand
No worries! That door needed to be replaced anyways.
But none of that stuff matters. Meet the greatest superpower of all time. His urine is acidic. Yes, he actually uses that later by peeing on a lock.
But Pelle isn’t alone. He has a friend named Wilhelm (Samuel Ting Graf) who is a comic book nerd. He helps Pelle to figure out his powers and design a suit. Now they just need some criminals. They decide to hang out in a parking garage which we all know are dens of sin. Sure enough, a woman has her purse snatched and Antboy comes to the rescue.
After this, one final piece of the Antboy setup comes to light. He ate all that stuff the first night because in order to maintain his powers, he must eat sugar. So, instead of batarangs in his utility belt, he carries sugar. Once he becomes well known enough he is approached by a girl whose sister has been kidnapped. She wants him to rescue her. Enter the villain of the film: The Flea. I’m guessing because The Tick was already taken. He was doing research that could have saved his mother, but it was cancelled by the company he was working for. That’s why he has kidnapped the daughter of the CEO, demands money and his resignation.
The Flea (Nicolas Bro)
Turns out that Antboy and The Flea have similar origins except that The Flea must drink blood. That’s why he carries containers of it on his back with a tube running into his neck.
It proceeds like you imagine it will from there. It’s a fun kids superhero movie and it’s short too. I do like that The Flea isn’t a complete joke. I also enjoyed the comic book panels it uses numerous times as well as directly referencing other superheroes. That makes the film not feel like it’s trying to exist in a vacuum. You know what I mean, those movies that have people do Internet searches, but magically don’t use Google or any other search engine in existence.
I enjoyed it and look forward to seeing the sequel.
4 Shots From 4 Films: Sister Stella L., White Sun of the Desert, 17th Parallel: Vietnam in War, A Colt Is My Passport
Another four films worth checking out.
Sister Stella L. (1984, dir. Mike De Leon)
White Sun of the Desert (1970, dir. Vladimir Motyl)
17th Parallel: Vietnam in War (1968, dir. Joris Ivens & Marceline Loridan Ivens)
A Colt Is My Passport (1967, dir. Takashi Nomura)
