Here’s The Trailer For Leatherface!

Posted on August 8, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Have you ever wanted to know how Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre became Leatherface?

No, of course not.

But here’s a movie about it, anyway.

Here’s The Trailer For Goodbye, Christopher Robin!

Posted on August 8, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the trailer for Goodbye, Christopher Robin!

For a while, I’ve been predicting that this film could be an Oscar nominee. It’s a biopic. It’s about British people. And it’s about war. With Dunkirk and Darkest Hour also probable contenders, it’s looking like next year’s Oscar telecast could very well be dominated by the British going to war.

This one opens on October 13th and it will provide some counter programming for all the ghost movies and found footage rip-offs.

TV Review: Twin Peaks: The Return Part 13 (dir by David Lynch)

Posted on August 6, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

There are only five hours left in Twin Peaks: The Return and yet, there are still many mysteries to be resolved. Considering that this is a David Lynch production, it’s entirely possible and probably rather probable that a good deal of those mysteries will never be resolved.

That said, all of the disparate elements of Twin Peaks: The Return have slowly been coming together, providing evidence — if any was needed — that Lynch knows exactly what he’s doing. In some ways, tonight’s episode was Twin Peaks at its most straightforward. And yet, nothing can ever be totally straight forward when it comes to Twin Peaks.

We wouldn’t want it any other way.

Tonight’s episode begins with joyful music playing in Las Vegas. As Anthony Sinclair (Tom Sizemore) watches from his office, the Mitchum Brothers (James Belushi and Robert Knepper) dance down the hallways. The three ladies in pink are with them. And so is … Dougie Jones (Kyle MacLachlan), the man who Anthony was supposed to trick the Mitchums into killing!

The Mitchums have come to see Bushnell Mullins (Don Murray) and they’ve brought him gifts, all to thank him for introducing them to Dougie and for helping them to make money off of that insurance claim. “A wrong has been made right and the sun is shining bright!” Bradley Mitchum declares.

Meanwhile, in his office, Anthony calls Duncan Todd (Patrick Fischler) and tells him that Dougie is still alive. Todd replies that it’s now Anthony’s responsibility to kill Dougie and he only had one day to do it, not the two days that he promised earlier.

The generosity of the Mitchums continues as both a new car and a jungle gym are delivered to Dougie’s house. It’s quite a jungle gym as well. It’s big, it’s lit up with neon, and everything about it just screams Vegas. Sonny Jim (Pierce Gagnon) is quite happy. So is Janey-E (Naomi Watts), which is good. They deserve some happiness.

The next morning, in Montana, the evil Doppelganger Cooper arrives at a compound called The Farm. Ray (George Griffith) has been hiding out at the Farm with Renzo (Derek Mears) and his men. When they see the Doppelganger pull up, Ray comments that he killed the Doppelganger. “You didn’t kill him too good, Ray,” Renzo replies.

Anyway, Ray volunteers to kill the Doppelganger a second time but it turns out that Renzo is something of an arm wrestling fanatic. Renzo explains that if the Doppelganger can beat him, he’ll get control of the Farm and Renzo’s entire crew. The only catch is that Renzo has never been defeated. The Doppelganger says he doesn’t want the farm, he just wants Ray.

Over The Top

The arm wrestling goes about how you would imagine it would go — Renzo ends up getting his arm broken and then his face literally smashed in by one punch from the Doppelganger. As for Ray, he confesses that it was Phillip Jeffries who hired him to kill the Doppelganger. Ray explains that he never met Jeffries, he just talked to him on the phone. Jeffries told Ray that the Doppelganger had something inside of him that “they” wanted. (Killer BOB, perhaps? BOB was seen directly inside of the Doppelganger during Part 8.) Ray holds up a ring that he was supposed to put on the Doppelganger’s finger. Ray says that he got it from a prison guard right before they escaped. The Doppelganger makes Ray put on the ring. Ray then gives the Doppelganger a piece of paper with the coordinates that he says he got from Bill Hastings and his secretary (that would be Ruth Davenport). The Doppelganger asks Ray where Phillip Jeffries is. Ray says Philip is at a place called “The Dutchman’s.” The Doppelganger proceeds to shoot Ray in the face.

And guess whose watching all of this unfold? Richard Horne (Eamon Farren)! Apparently, ever since fleeing Twin Peaks, Richard has been hiding out in Montana. So, does that mean that the Farm and the late Renzo had a connection to Red? If so, how is Red going to react to the Doppelganger killing Renzo and becoming The Farm’s new boss? And does Richard looked so shocked because he never thought anyone would ever beat Renzo at arm wrestling (not to mention kill him) or is it because he realizes that the Doppelganger is probably his father?

Ray’s body appears inside the Black Lodge. MIKE (Al Strobel) takes the ring and puts it on a marble table.

Back at the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police HQ, something weird’s going on in the background. We can hear a woman yelling as she apparently defecates on the floor. She’s tased and screams, “I want to report a cop!” Sitting in their office, the Fuscos aren’t too concerned. It doesn’t even bother them when they receive a report that Dougie has the same fingerprints as both an escapee from a South Dakota prison and a missing FBI agent. They laugh and throw the report away.

They barely notice as Anthony Sinclair wanders through the station, looking for Detective Clark (John Savage). Clark is outside smoking a cigarette and he doesn’t appear to be very enthusiastic about the prospect of talking to Anthony. Anthony asks Clark for the name of a good poison, one that would be undetectable. Apparently, Clark also works for Duncan Todd. Clark agrees to help Anthony get the poison.

In South Dakota, Chantal (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and Hutch (Tim Roth) drive down the interstate and, as they enter Utah, discuss what it must be like to be a Mormon.

The next morning, after Janey-E drops him off at work, Dougie runs into Anthony. A nervous Anthony offers to buy Dougie a cup of coffee at the pastry shop. Since Dougie is obsessed with coffee, he agrees. When Dougie gets distracted by a cheery pie in a display case and stands up to go stare at it, Anthony puts the poison in Dougie’s coffee.

When Dougie returns to the table, he is distracted by the dandruff on the back of Anthony’s suit. Dougie places his hands on Anthony shoulders. Mistaking this for a sign of friendship, Anthony breaks down into tears and shouts that he never meant to hurt anyone. He pours out Dougie’s poisoned coffee. Dougie responds by drinking Anthony’s coffee instead.

In Twin Peaks, at the Double R, Shelley (Madchen Amick) gets a call from Becky (Amanda Seyfried). Becky’s in tears. Steven, the man she tried to shoot, hasn’t come home in two days.

Back in Vegas, Anthony sits in Bushnell’s office and says that he’s come to confess. Standing to the side, Dougie blankly repeats, “Confess.” Anthony confesses to Bushnell that he’s been working for Duncan Todd and that he’s been lying to Bushnell for years. Bushnell says that Dougie revealed all of this to him yesterday. Bushnell asks if Anthony is prepared to testify against Duncan Todd. Anthony says that he is.

Bushnell asks if Anthony is willing to testify “against the two cops that Dougie found.”

“He know about them too!?” Anthony says.

“Them too,” Dougie blankly repeats.

Anthony says he only wants to fix the mess that he made. He says that Dougie saved his like. “Thanks, Dougie!”

“Thank Dougie,” Dougie says.

In tears, Anthony does just that.

At the Double R, Norma (Peggy Lipton) has a meeting with the somewhat oily Walter Lawford (Grant Goodeve). Apparently, Norma’s Double R is a franchise now. Walter says that there are several profitable locations in Washington State but Norma is concerned that those locations are using inferior ingredients. Walter argues that it makes good business sense to cut costs. This entire scene, of course, feels like Lynch’s commentary on the studio executives who constantly tried to interfere with Twin Peaks the first time around.

Norma and Walter are apparently a couple, as well. As they talk, they are watched by both Deputy Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook) and Big Ed Hurley (Everett McGill), Norma’s former (?) lover and the husband of Nadine (Wendy Robie).

Speaking of Nadine, she is leaving her silent drape store when who should show up but Dr. Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn)! As we’ve already seen, Nadine is a huge fan of Jacoby’s podcast. She even has her own golden shovel hanging in the window of her store. Dr. Jacoby says that the last time he saw Nadine, she was on her hands and knees, looking for a potato.

At the Palmer House, Sarah (Grace Zabrikie) is drunk and watching a boxing match. Or, actually, I should say that she’s watching 30 second of a boxing match on a continious loop. The announcer says, several times: “Oh the right hand catches the big guy by the ear! And he finally goes down, hanging on the ropes. Oh, the gentleman asks if he’s okay. Look like, uh, round number one and two on the way. Now, it’s a boxing match again.”

Elsewhere, Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) yells at Charlie (Clark Middleton). An emotional Audrey says that she feels like she’s somewhere else, like she’s not sure who she is. Charlie says, “This is Existentialism 101.” Audrey’s not amused and demands to know what she’s supposed to do if she can’t trust anyone and she’s not sure who she is. Charlie replies that she’s supposed to go to the Roadhouse and look for Billy. Audrey demands to know where the Roadhouse is.

“Are you going to stop playing games?” Charlie asks, “or am I going to have to end your story, too?”

Audrey starts to cry.

At the Roadhouse, none other than James Hurley (James Marshall) performs the song You and I. Accompanying him are two backup singers who look like they could be Donna and Maddy. Considering that the scene during the second season, in which James, Donna, and Maddy performed You And I, is regularly ridiculed by even the show’s biggest fans, you have to wonder if David Lynch is doing some deliberate trolling here. Well, it does’t matter. It’s a lovely song, one that perfectly captures the aching feeling of loss that runs through every minute of Twin Peaks: The Return.

At the gas station, Big Ed Hurley sits alone, staring at his gas pumps.

And that’s how Part 13 ends.

Twin Peaks on TSL:

22 Initial Thoughts on Twin Peaks: The Return Part 13 (dir by David Lynch)

Posted on August 6, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Because of Sharknado 5, I’m late in watching the latest episode of Twin Peaks. Below, you’ll find my initial thoughts and then, as always, a full recap will be posted either later tonight or sometime tomorrow!

Twin Peaks has been moved from 8 to 7 to make room for new episodes of Ray Donovan. That was quite a shock for those of us who didn’t realize that Ray Donovan is still a thing.
“A wrong has been made right and the sun is shining bright!” I loved Jim Belushi’s delivery of that line.
It seems appropriate that this episode, which featured the Mitchum Brothers, aired on Robert Mitchum’s 100th birthday. As David Lynch is a self-described fan of film noir, I doubt that the last name is a coincidence.
“You didn’t kill him too good, Ray.” This episode is full of good lines.
Arm wrestling? You mean like in that Sylvester Stallone movie I reviewed a few years ago?
If this show hasn’t already convinced you that Kyle MacLachlan is one of the best actors working today, nothing will.
OH MY GOD, IS THAT RICHARD HORNE IN MONTANA!?
Actually, I guess it would make sense that Richard would turn up in Montana. I forgot that Montana is pretty much right next to Washington State. In anything, Twin Peaks has proven that the North is one fucked up region.
Yay, it’s the Fuscos!
My favorite Fusco is Smiley Fusco.
What was happening in the background of the Las Vegas Police Department? The Fuscos didn’t seem to be too concerned about it.
Tim Roth and Jennifer Jason Leigh discussing Mormons is everything.
Quite a contrast between evil Doppelganger Cooper and Innocent Dougie.
Oh my God, Tom Sizemore was brilliant tonight.
Speaking of brilliant, what about Don Murray? It’s kind of nice to see someone from the Golden Age of Hollywood getting a chance to show that he’s still got it.
“Thank Dougie.” That made me laugh so hard.
It’s sweet how everyone in town likes Bobby now.
The Double R is a franchise now?
How does Norma always pick the wrong men? Ed’s right there!
I asked our own Jedadiah Lelalnd if Sarah Palmer was watching a famous boxing match. He said he didn’t recognize it. His theory is that it may have been one of Bushnell Mullins’s old boxing matches. I don’t know if I agree, just because neither one of the boxers looked like a young Don Murray to me.
I still think that Bill is a figment of Audrey’s imagination.
The season ending with James Hurley (and, by extension, James Marshall) and two dark-haired female backup singer feels like Lynch’s way of trolling everyone who ever complained about that famous scene from season 2 where James, Donna, and Maddy recorded a song together. (Actually, I guess it obviously was since James was not only singing but he was singing You and I.)

Twin Peaks on TSL:

Let’s Talk About Sharknado 5 (dir by Anthony C. Ferrante)

Posted on August 6, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I just watched the latest installment in the Sharknado franchise on SyFy and what can I say? I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t seen the film yet so I’ll just say this:

Sharknado 5 is the best Sharknado yet!

Seriously, it’s amazing when you think about it. The annual premiere of the latest Sharknado film has literally become a national holiday. If you were to judge solely by what was happening on twitter tonight, you would be totally justified in thinking that literally everyone in the world was watching Sharknado 5. Who would have thought that a franchise about sharks in a tornado would become a pop cultural milestone? At this time, when the country seems so divided, Sharknado 5 brought us all together. That, in itself, is no small accomplishment.

But beyond that, these film are consistently and surprisingly entertaining. Considering that it was the fifth film in this particular franchise, Sharknado 5 felt remarkably fresh and creative. Have no doubt, Sharknado 5 had everything that you would expect from a Sharknado film. You had Ian Ziering grimacing as he manfully beat up sharks. You had Tara Reid acting like a super hero. To the delight of many on twitter, Cassie Scerbo returned as Nova, who is now the leader of the Sharknado Sisterhood.

(My friend Ian Rice tweeted me, during the movie: “What is that (the Sharknado Sisterhood)?”

“The Sharknado sisterhood follows and monitors sharknados across the world,” I tweeted back.

After a minute or two, Ian replied: “I’m sorry I asked, LMB.”)

Of course, the script was full of one liners and deliberately bad puns, all of which were delivered with a straight face by the dedicated members of the cast. There were plenty of homages and references to other films, including Raiders of the Lost Ark and Back to the Future. The special effects were cheap in the most likable way imaginable. And yes, there were celebrity cameos but — as opposed to what happened with Sharknado 4, Sharknado 5 did not allow those camoes to distract from the story being told. Yes, Abby Lee Miller got eaten by a shark. Yes, Geraldo Rivera got sucked out of a blimp. But Sharknado 5 never lost its focus.

And what was that focus? Well, basically, Finn accidentally created another sharknado. No big deal, right? I mean, Finn specializes in destroying those right? Unfortunately, this time, Finn and April’s son, Gil, got sucked into the sharknado. So, for most of the film, Finn and April were chasing the Sharknado across the world while Gil spun around inside of it.

Of course, while Finn chased the latest sharknado, the world was being destroyed by flying sharks. A lot of famous landmarks ended up getting destroyed. Actually, at the rate that these movies go, I’m shocked that there are any monuments or memorials left. It was not an easy life for Finn but, fortunately, the Pope showed up and gave him a blessed chainsaw and…

Okay, never mind! Are you expecting a movie about a tornado full of sharks to make any sense!? What’s important is that the film is a lot of fun and Ian Ziering and Tara Reid, to their credit, are still going out of their way to make their characters vaguely credible.

What sets Sharknado 5 apart from the other Sharknado films is that, about an hour into the film (80 minutes if you’re watching with commercials), Sharknado 5 takes a very, very dark turn. People who you don’t expect to die, die. Places that you don’t expect to see destroyed end up getting destroyed. It all ends with an homage to one final film and a cliffhanger. You don’t want to miss it!

And I’m certainly not going to want to miss Sharknado 6.

Let’s Talk About Trailer Park Shark (dir by Griff Furst)

Posted on August 5, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh hell yeah!

Listen, if you ever find yourself being unexpectedly menaced by a shark, you’re going to want a redneck around. Trust me on this. I may not be one myself but I’ve grown up around rednecks and I feel a lot safer around them than I do with sensitive types from up north. Seriously, if you’re under shark attack, who do you want protecting you? A guy with a gun and a cooler full of beer or someone who drives a Prius? Elon Musk may be smarter but, when it comes to sharks, Trace Adkins is going to be more helpful.

The other great thing about rednecks is that there’s nothing that they can’t do with duct tape. Give a redneck enough duct tape and a weather satellite and I guarantee that he’ll find a way to stop climate change. There’s a name for that: redneck ingenuity.

When I was watching Trailer Park Shark on Wednesday night, I was impressed with the amount of duct tape on display. As the main character, a redneck played by Thomas Ian Nicholas, was using duct tape to solve yet another problem, I tweeted that I was enjoying the music playing in the background. To me, it sounded like something that Ennio Morricone would have come up with for a spaghetti western. It fit the scene perfectly because Trailer Park Shark is a film that make duct tape feel just as epic as the final cemetery confrontation in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. Andrew Morgan Smith, who did excellent work on the film’s score, informed me that the musical cue was called “Redneck Ingenuity.”

That’s a perfect name because, while Trailer Park Shark is about a lot of things, it is ultimately a celebration of redneck ingenuity and the never-give-up attitude of life in the Southern bayou. The characters in Trailer Park Shark have a lot to deal with. Because of a freak rains storm and some evil plotting by mean old Mr. Deconnard (Dennis Haskins), their trailer park has been flooded. And with the flood has come a shark! It would be easy to give up, especially when people and horses start getting eaten. But no one surrenders to fate! No one gives up!

It’s a lot of fun, as any movie about a shark attacking a trailer park should be. All of the characters in the park are memorable in their redneck way. Even with the majority of the park underwater and neighbors getting eaten left and right, they’re still just as likely to be fighting each other as they are the shark. While I personally have never lived in a trailer park, I’ve lived close to a few and I’ve spent a few nights visiting and this film gets the atmosphere just right. Griff Furst, who is something of a specialist when it comes to bayou chaos, brings this location to life. From the very first tracking shot to the film’s action-packed finale, the bayou feels alive. You can easily imagine this location and these people existing long before the cameras started rolling. The relationships feel real.

Speaking of feeling real, I always suspected that Dennis Haskins had the ability to play a really evil character. Seriously, go watch the earliest episodes of Saved By The Bell and you’ll see some hints of darkness underneath Mr. Belding’s goofy exterior. That said, Haskins does such a good job playing this film’s villain that you eventually forget that you’re watching Mr. Belding threatening to kill people. Instead, he’s just a very bad man with an interesting preference in weapons.

(Speaking of weapons, Tara Reid also shows up, playing a trailer park resident who has a wide variety of weapons at her disposal. Though her role is small, her appearance allows for some playful poking at the Sharknado franchise.)

I liked Trailer Park Shark. It’s a blast of pure entertainment and my favorite of the recent SyFy shark movies. Since SyFy reruns everything a hundred times, keep an eye out for it!

Watch it in honor of the rednecks who keep us safe from sharks, often at the cost of life, limb, and satellite dish.

Let’s Talk About Mississippi River Sharks (dir by Misty Talley)

Posted on August 5, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh my God — sharks in the Mississippi River!?

Hey, why not? Listen, SyFy has been showing shark films for over four years straight now. We’ve had zombie sharks. We’ve had toxic sharks. We had a ghost shark. We’ve had a planet of the sharks. The sharks have taken over the oceans. They’ve taken over the jersey shore. There’s even a movie called Sand Sharks, in which the sharks take over the beach! And, let’s not forget that SyFy and the Asylum have built an entire franchise around the idea that sharks can survive in a tornado. (And I haven’t even mentioned what happens in Shark Exorcist.)

My point is that there are a lot of shark movies and, as a result, the sharks are having to branch out and explore new aquatic territory. It was inevitable that the sharks would eventually find their way to the Mississippi River.

As soon as I saw the title of this movie, I thought to myself, “Please tell me that this movie will open with a big old riverboat getting attacked by sharks.” You can imagine how happy I was when, less than five minutes into the film, that’s exactly what happened. When you’re watching a movie on SyFy and you see a bunch of CGI sharks jumping onto the deck of a riverboat and snapping off people’s heads, you know you’re in a good hands. You know you’re going to be properly entertained for the next two hours.

Really, when it comes to shark movies, all you really need are the sharks and some victims who, for whatever reason, refuse to stay out of the water. However, Mississippi River Sharks offers a bit more than that. After the sharks get finished with that riverboat, they move on down the Mississippi and attack a small town’s annual “fish rodeo.” Needless to say, a fish rodeo always tends to attract the most eccentric among us and this one is no different. For instance, there’s Possum (Kevin J. McGrath), who isn’t going to let a little thing like a shark attack stand in the way of his quest to win a trophy. There’s Big Bill (Marco St. John), who owns the local car dealership and who doesn’t see why the presence of a few sharks should stand in the way of making a little money. There’s Wyatt (Dean West), who has a way with a quip and quickly emerged as a favorite of the viewing audience. And then there’s Tara (played by Cassie Steele, star of both Degrassi and Zombie Shark) who quickly shows that she knows just how to deal with ill-tempered sharks.

Finally, there’s Jason London, playing the role of …. Jason London! That’s right, Jason London plays himself in Mississippi River Sharks. In the film’s universe, Jason is well-known for starring in multiple editions of the Shark Bite franchise. (“We don’t talk about Shark Bite 3!” Jason snaps.) When Jason accepted the invitation to be the fish rodeo’s special celebrity guest, he never realized that he would have to face real-life sharks! However, when those sharks do arrive, this movie hero proves himself to be … well, not much of a hero. Watch the movie to see what happens. I’ll just say that London is hilarious and it’s a lot of fun to watch him pretending to be a pretentious and stuck-up movie star. He delivers his lines with just the right amount of weary annoyance.

(And yes, there is a Jeremy London joke but I won’t spoil it.)

(Also, it’s mentioned that Jason London also starred in Here Comes Santa Jaws and Raiders of the Lost Shark. Seriously, somebody needs to make these two films.)

Now that the sharks have invaded the Mississippi River, where will the sharks show up next year? Well, just remember this — the Mississippi River is the biggest river in the United States. Those sharks could end up anywhere. Personally, I’m hoping for Minnesota Winter Sharks.

We’ll see what happens!

Let’s Talk About 5 Headed Shark Attack (dir by Nico De Leon)

Posted on August 5, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

From our friends at the Asylum, here comes a movie about … well, it’s right there in the title.

This is a movie about a 5-Headed Shark. Now, I have to admit that, when this film premiered on SyFy last Sunday, my friends and I were a little confused as we watched. While it was true that the shark had multiple heads, we only counted four heads. That certainly made it superior to a mere 3-headed shark but still, we felt somewhat cheated. We were promised five heads!

Well, we should never have doubted the Asylum. Regardless of whether you get the Asylum’s sense of humor or not (and I happen to love it), this is a studio that always delivers exactly what it promises. The title promised us five heads and eventually, that fifth head did pop up. The reason why it took us a while to notice the fifth head was because it was actually on the back of the shark. That’s right. The shark had four heads in front and one head in back. For those of us watching, that fifth head quickly became something of a folk hero. We not only felt sorry for that head but we worried about whether it was getting enough to eat. It seemed like the front four heads were gobbling up all the divers while the fifth head had to settle for scraps.

Myself, I’m just wondering what’s going to happen when the inevitable 7-headed Shark Attack is released? Eventually, things are going to start to get a bit crowded on that shark.

Obviously, it takes a lot to feed a 5 Headed Shark. Fortunately, the island of Puerto Rico is always full of scientists, tourists, and people who just felt like wearing a bikini for the day. (Perhaps that’s why, along with a 5 headed shark, Puerto Rico also had to deal with a toxic shark this year. And who knows what’s going to happen when the latest Sharknado hits?) The 5 Headed Shark is constantly popping out of the ocean and eating anyone stupid or silly enough to get in the way. It even manages to take out a helicopter. It’s not an Asylum film unless at least one helicopter is blown up.

Some people, of course, aren’t happy about having a 5 headed shark eating everyone. Two police officers — apparently, the only two in Puerto Rico — get on a boat and search the ocean for it. And then there’s the staff of a nearby aquarium. The head of the aquarium would love to add a 5 headed shark to the collection so, of course, he and a scientist and a group of interns set sail for adventure and carnage. Helping them out is Red (Chris Bruno), who hunts all sorts of things and who just happens to have enough weapons lying around that he could probably invade a nearby island and set himself up as a dictator. Red owns a boat but you know what?

HE’S GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT!

Yes, that’s a Jaws reference. 5 Headed Shark Attack was full of them, as all Asylum shark movies are. That’s one reason why these movies are so much fun to watch. It’s a bit of a challenge, trying to catch all the references and shout outs. Asylum films, like this one, are always wonderfully meta. All of the characters in 5 Headed Shark Attack appear to be aware that they’re characters in a B-movie and they all accept their assigned roles and fate with proper enthusiasm. It’s pure entertainment and, as a result, a lot of fun to watch. It’s movie that encourages you to worry about nothing more than having a good time and maybe a few laughs.

In short, this is a movie that delivers exactly what it promises. The movie says it’s going to give you a 5 Headed Shark and that’s what you get.

Let’s Talk About Toxic Shark (dir by Cole Sharpe)

Posted on August 4, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh Hell yeah!

This past week has been Shark Week on SyFy! On Sunday, SyFy is going to premiere the latest Sharknado movie. As always, in the days before the latest chapter in the Sharknado saga, SyFy has been showing other shark-related films. Of course, my friends and I have been watching and live-tweeting all of these films. What makes the experience especially fun is that, often times, the filmmakers themselves will join in and tweet along with us. It’s a wonderful reminder that watching an original movie on SyFy should always be a community experience.

Take Toxic Shark for instance…

Toxic Shark premiered on Thursday night and I had a blast watching it. Need proof? Check out my tweets. But what made Toxic Shark especially fun was that I was watching it with my friends, a group of movie lovers who call themselves the Snarkalecs. We’ve been watching movies on SyFy since …. well, since forever. I joined them in 2011 but they were watching movies together before I even showed up. Even better, members of the cast and crew, including producer Neil Elman and editor Don Money, joined in the live tweet. Toxic Shark is an audience participation film. This is a movie for people who want to have a good time with their snarkiest and funniest friends. If you’re not talking back to the screen while watching Toxic Shark, you’re doing it wrong.

Toxic Shark is a film that, in many ways, centers around friendship. Two groups of friends are looking forward to relaxing at a singles retreat in Puerto Rico. Unfortunately, things don’t go quite as smoothly as you might hope. For one thing, it turns out that the retreat is being run by Reese (Eric Etebari, giving a hilarious performance), who is one of those people who you dread meeting at the gym. Along with that, local fisherman are disappearing. One of the singles, Ryan (Owen Saxon), worries over whether his shirt is too tight or not tight enough. (That might not sound like a big deal but he was quite concerned about it.) Body parts are washing up on the beach. Eden (Kabby Borders) is shocked to discover that her ex-boyfriend, Sam (Bryce Durfee), just happens to be at the retreat. Something attacks Gabby (Cirstina Jayo) when she goes out into the ocean. A yoga class get eaten. It may not be as bad as Fyre Festival but still…

Oh, wait a minute. I forgot to mention the biggest problem at the retreat. There is this giant shark that keeps jumping out the ocean and eating people. Seriously, that’ll ruin any vacation. But it’s not just that the shark is really big and fast. This shark has also become toxic! It can not only bite you in half but it can spew toxic waste on you as well…

But that’s not all! The bite of this shark also turns its victims into zombies! Yes, you read that correctly. Assuming you don’t accidentally get killed by Reese, there’s always the chance that the shark will eat you. And, if the shark doesn’t get you, the zombies will…

I mean, seriously, how can you not love that? Toxic Shark is a blast of pure chaotic fun, featuring beautiful beach scenery, hot people in swimsuits, and a kickass musical score. Everyone appears to be having a ball, running from sharks and turning into zombies. Kabby Borders and Bryce Durfee make for a likable couple (even when they’re arguing) and the rest of the cast strikes the perfect balance between horror and comedy. I especially liked the performance of Owen Saxon as the somewhat dim but well-meaning Ryan. There was something touching about how concerned he was about whether or not his shirt was too tight.

Toxic Shark was a lot of fun. If you get a chance, be sure to catch it!

Just don’t let the shark catch you…

Film Review: Close Calls (dir by Richard Stringham)

Posted on August 4, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, I was lucky enough to get a chance to see a new independent horror film called Close Calls.

When Close Calls begins, the first image that appears on the screen is of a VHS tape. Even though it’s just a part of the logo for S & Drive Cinema, that VHS tape is exactly the right image to start this film off with. Close Calls is a throwback to the horror films of the late 70s and the early 80s. It’s a film that pays homage to the old slasher and haunted house films that, though they may not have had a huge budget, did have an abundance of atmosphere, shocks, and out-of-control plot twists. I always love a good homage so, as soon as I saw that VHS tape, I was excited to see what would follow.

Teenager Morgan MacKenzie (Jordan Phipps) has her own very good reasons for being upset with the world in general. She is still struggling to deal with the death of her mother, something that is not made any easier by the fact that her father, David (Kristof Waltermire), is now dating the bitchy Brynn (Carmen Patterson). (Morgan describes Brynn as being a “steaming pile of bitch.”) She lives in a really nice house but, due to her rebellious attitude and her casual drug use, her father has grounded her and refuses to trust her. (When he hears Morgan swear, he snaps, “If I was to cuss at my dad the way that you do, he would have beat the shit out of me!” That’s the kind of father that David is.) Whenever David leaves the house, he takes Morgan’s phone with him. Morgan is literally a prisoner in the house, with her only company being her rather strange grandmother (Janis Duley). Grandma spend her time upstairs, occasionally ringing a bell to let Morgan know that she needs something.

Close Calls takes place over one very eventful night in Morgan’s life. As soon as her father abandons her so that he can go on a date with Brynn, odd things start to happen. Grandma starts to act strange and, despite writing a reminder on her inner thigh, Morgan keeps forgetting to take her pills upstairs. As a storm brews outside, Morgan hears a voice from the past, whispering to her. Pictures in the house start to change, as once happy photographs are changed into images of grief and pain. The landline phone rings and, every time that Morgan answers, she hears a voice making threats. A friend drops by, insisting that Morgan try a new drug. Even worse, a man named Barry (Greg Fallon) shows up at her front door. He says that he works for Morgan’s father and he just wants to come in out of the rain. He seems okay, until he smiles what may be the most evil smile ever. Morgan may have a shoebox of cocaine hidden in her closet but that’s not going to be as much help as you might think. It’s going to be a long, dangerous, and twist-filled night. When I say twist-filled, I’m not being hyperbolic. In the tradition of a 70s giallo, Close Calls is full of unexpected plot developments. At first, Morgan may seem paranoid but, as the film progresses, it becomes obvious that she has good reason for that paranoia.

Close Calls definitely had an Italian horror feel to it, which is one of the reasons why I enjoyed it. When the camera is stalking through the house, I was reminded of two Lamberto Bava films, A Blade In The Dark and Delirium. (The house’s swimming pool even reminded me of the pool where so much of the action in Delirium took place.) A few of the more surreal scenes were tinted and lit in a way that reminded me of the scenes of Jessica Harper exploring the dance school in Suspiria. For that matter, the film’s final scenes reminded me of something from Lucio Fulci’s Beyond trilogy. Much like those films, Close Call frequently feels as if it’s a filmed nightmare. The atmosphere is dream-like and frequently surreal. In the tradition of the best of Italian horror, the story is sometimes less important than the way it’s told. As well, director Richard Stringham deserves a lot of credit for including a drug trip sequence that actually feels authentic.

(Also of note: Rocky Gray’s score. It’s a throwback to the wonderfully creepy and ominous horror music of the 70s and 80s. Goblin would be proud.)

For a film like this to work, you have to a sympathetic lead and Jordan Phipps gives a wonderfully empathetic performance as Morgan, making her a sympathetic character even when she’s snorting cocaine and talking about how much she hates having to take care of her grandmother. Phipps commits the role, giving an intense and believable performance. Janis Duley also does well as grandma, constantly making you wonder whether she’s just a senile old lady or if there’s something more sinister about her quirks. Finally, Greg Fallon is appropriately sinister as Barry, keeping us off-balance as to what his true intentions are.

Close Calls is definitely a film for horror fans to keep an eye out for, especially horror fans who like a film that keeps you guessing. If you get a chance to see it, take that chance.