From our friends at the Asylum, here comes a movie about … well, it’s right there in the title.
This is a movie about a 5-Headed Shark. Now, I have to admit that, when this film premiered on SyFy last Sunday, my friends and I were a little confused as we watched. While it was true that the shark had multiple heads, we only counted four heads. That certainly made it superior to a mere 3-headed shark but still, we felt somewhat cheated. We were promised five heads!
Well, we should never have doubted the Asylum. Regardless of whether you get the Asylum’s sense of humor or not (and I happen to love it), this is a studio that always delivers exactly what it promises. The title promised us five heads and eventually, that fifth head did pop up. The reason why it took us a while to notice the fifth head was because it was actually on the back of the shark. That’s right. The shark had four heads in front and one head in back. For those of us watching, that fifth head quickly became something of a folk hero. We not only felt sorry for that head but we worried about whether it was getting enough to eat. It seemed like the front four heads were gobbling up all the divers while the fifth head had to settle for scraps.
Myself, I’m just wondering what’s going to happen when the inevitable 7-headed Shark Attack is released? Eventually, things are going to start to get a bit crowded on that shark.
Obviously, it takes a lot to feed a 5 Headed Shark. Fortunately, the island of Puerto Rico is always full of scientists, tourists, and people who just felt like wearing a bikini for the day. (Perhaps that’s why, along with a 5 headed shark, Puerto Rico also had to deal with a toxic shark this year. And who knows what’s going to happen when the latest Sharknado hits?) The 5 Headed Shark is constantly popping out of the ocean and eating anyone stupid or silly enough to get in the way. It even manages to take out a helicopter. It’s not an Asylum film unless at least one helicopter is blown up.
Some people, of course, aren’t happy about having a 5 headed shark eating everyone. Two police officers — apparently, the only two in Puerto Rico — get on a boat and search the ocean for it. And then there’s the staff of a nearby aquarium. The head of the aquarium would love to add a 5 headed shark to the collection so, of course, he and a scientist and a group of interns set sail for adventure and carnage. Helping them out is Red (Chris Bruno), who hunts all sorts of things and who just happens to have enough weapons lying around that he could probably invade a nearby island and set himself up as a dictator. Red owns a boat but you know what?
HE’S GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT!
Yes, that’s a Jaws reference. 5 Headed Shark Attack was full of them, as all Asylum shark movies are. That’s one reason why these movies are so much fun to watch. It’s a bit of a challenge, trying to catch all the references and shout outs. Asylum films, like this one, are always wonderfully meta. All of the characters in 5 Headed Shark Attack appear to be aware that they’re characters in a B-movie and they all accept their assigned roles and fate with proper enthusiasm. It’s pure entertainment and, as a result, a lot of fun to watch. It’s movie that encourages you to worry about nothing more than having a good time and maybe a few laughs.
In short, this is a movie that delivers exactly what it promises. The movie says it’s going to give you a 5 Headed Shark and that’s what you get.