Horror Film Review: Trap (dir by M. Night Shyamalan)


In 2024’s Trap, Cooper Abbott (Josh Hartnett) is a Philadelphia fireman taking his teenage daughter, Riley (Ariel Donoghue), to a concert. Riley has been having a difficult time at school after recently falling out with two other girls, so seeing her favorite singer, Lady Raven (Saleka Night Shyamalan, daughter of the film’s director), should be just the thing to cheer her up.

However, when Cooper and Riley arrive at the stadium, Cooper is surprised by all the police officers and FBI agents milling around. After some checking, he discovers that the FBI believes a serial killer known as The Butcher will be at the concert. Under the leadership of profiler Josephine Grant (Hayley Mills), the authorities plan to check out every male at the show. As one helpful vendor puts it, “the entire show is a trap.”

Cooper is not happy to hear this because he is The Butcher. In fact, his latest victim is currently tied up in a basement somewhere. (Cooper occasionally uses his phone to check on how he’s doing.) However, Cooper is also a good father and wants to make sure Riley enjoys the concert. Can Cooper find a way to escape the stadium without ruining Riley’s special day?

That’s a pretty good premise for a suspense thriller, and the first hour of Trap works like a charm. Even though Cooper is a serial killer and the viewer knows he’s not someone they should root for, it’s hard not to be impressed with the way he skillfully manipulates everyone at the concert. He manages to steal a vendor badge. He learns the codeword venue employees are supposed to use to identify themselves to the police. He even steals a police radio so he can listen to Dr. Grant give orders to the cops. And he does it all while Riley enjoys the show. He’s just so diabolically clever that it becomes rather fascinating to watch.

Unfortunately, the film suffers a bit during the second hour. That’s when Lady Raven goes from being a figure performing on stage to an important supporting character. (Unfortunately, it turns out Saleka Night Shyamalan is a much better singer than actress.) Both Lady Raven and Cooper end up making some decisions that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t make much sense. The film is still entertaining, but the second half is not as tightly plotted as the first. Considering that M. Night Shyamalan is famous for his twist endings, it’s a bit strange that it ultimately feels like he never really figured out how he wanted Trap to end.

That said, the first hour of Trap is an enjoyably macabre mix of suspense and dark humor. That first hour is strong enough to make up for the weaker second half. Josh Hartnett puts his everyman charm to good use as a friendly family man who just happens to be a deranged serial killer. At its best, Trap is all about people trying to disguise their true nature. Cooper puts on an act of being a loving father while trying to find a way to continue killing. Lady Raven’s mentor (played by Kid Cudi) is friendly to his fans but a spoiled diva backstage. Even Lady Raven spends the second half of the film pretending to know less than she does. Probably the only character in the film who is truly genuine is Riley. She just wants to see her favorite singer.

Trap may not be Shyamalan’s best. It doesn’t hit you emotionally like The Sixth Sense and it’s nowhere near as icky as Old or Split. But it’s still an entertaining little thriller.

Horror On TV: Fear Itself 1.2 “Spooked” (dir by Brad Anderson)


Tonight’s episode of Fear Itself stars the one and only Eric Roberts!

Eric plays Harry Siegel, a cop who is kicked off the force because of his brutal methods.  Harry becomes a private investigator but, when one of his cases leads to him staking out a mysterious house, he’s forced to confront his past demons.  This episode features Eric Roberts at his most intense.

Spooked originally aired on June 12th, 2008.  Director Brad Anderson is best known for Session 9.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Paul’s Case (1980)
  2. Star 80 (1983)
  3. Runaway Train (1985)
  4. To Heal A Nation (1988)
  5. Best of the Best (1989)
  6. Blood Red (1989)
  7. The Ambulance (1990)
  8. The Lost Capone (1990)
  9. Best of the Best II (1993)
  10. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  11. Voyage (1993)
  12. Freefall (1994)
  13. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  14. Sensation (1994)
  15. The Specialist (1994)
  16. Dark Angel (1996)
  17. Doctor Who (1996)
  18. Most Wanted (1997)
  19. The Alternate (2000)
  20. Mercy Streets (2000)
  21. Tripfall (2000)
  22. Raptor (2001)
  23. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  24. Strange Frequency (2001)
  25. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  26. Border Blues (2004)
  27. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  28. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  29. We Belong Together (2005)
  30. Hey You (2006)
  31. Cyclops (2008)
  32. Depth Charge (2008)
  33. Amazing Racer (2009)
  34. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  35. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  36. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  37. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  38. The Expendables (2010) 
  39. Groupie (2010)
  40. Sharktopus (2010)
  41. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  42. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  43. Deadline (2012)
  44. The Mark (2012)
  45. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  46. The Night Never Sleeps (2012)
  47. Snow White: A Deadly Summer (2012)
  48. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  49. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  50. Lovelace (2013)
  51. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  52. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  53. Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End (2013)
  54. Revelation Road 2: The Sea of Glass and Fire (2013)
  55. Self-Storage (2013)
  56. Sink Hole (2013)
  57. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  58. This Is Our Time (2013)
  59. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  60. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  61. Eternity: The Movie (2014)
  62. Inherent Vice (2014)
  63. Road to the Open (2014)
  64. Rumors of War (2014)
  65. So This Is Christmas (2014)
  66. Amityville Death House (2015)
  67. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  68. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  69. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  70. Sorority Slaughterhouse (2015)
  71. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  72. Story of Eva (2015)
  73. Enemy Within (2016)
  74. Hunting Season (2016)
  75. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  76. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  77. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  78. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  79. Dark Image (2017)
  80. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  81. Black Wake (2018)
  82. Frank and Ava (2018)
  83. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  84. The Wrong Teacher (2018)
  85. Clinton Island (2019)
  86. Monster Island (2019)
  87. The Reliant (2019)
  88. The Savant (2019)
  89. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  90. Something (2019)
  91. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  92. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  93. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  94. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  95. Hard Luck Love Song (2020)
  96. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  97. Law of Attraction (2020)
  98. Top Gunner (2020)
  99. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  100. The Elevator (2021)
  101. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  102. Killer Advice (2021)
  103. Megaboa (2021)
  104. Night Night (2021)
  105. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  106. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  107. Red Prophecies (2021)
  108. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  109. The Wrong Mr. Right (2021)
  110. Bleach (2022)
  111. Dawn (2022)
  112. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  113. 69 Parts (2022)
  114. The Rideshare Killer (2022)
  115. The Wrong High School Sweetheart (2022)
  116. The Company We Keep (2023)
  117. D.C. Down (2023)
  118. If I Can’t Have You (2023)
  119. Megalodon: The Frenzy (2023)
  120. Aftermath (2024)
  121. Bad Substitute (2024)
  122. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  123. Insane Like Me? (2024)
  124. Space Sharks (2024)
  125. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  126. Broken Church (2025)
  127. Shakey Grounds (2025)
  128. Stand Your Ground (2025)
  129. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

 

October Hacks: Bikini Guillotine (dir by Jamie Grefe)


2025’s Bikini Guillotine is a slasher film that features plenty of bikinis but not one guillotine. The motiveless killer is a man who wears a mask that was put together with duct tape. He’s definitely a bad guy, but the true villain of this film is whoever was responsible for recording the dialogue.

The first half of this 65-minute movie is made up of footage of several bikini-clad girls hanging out in a pool. They’re all carrying red Solo cups, which they pretend to drink from despite the fact that they’re obviously empty. Every few minutes, they all hold up their Solo cups and go, “Whoo!” The majority of the dialogue is incoherent. Either you can’t hear a word that they’re saying, or you can hear the sound of their voices but you still can’t make out what they’re actually saying. Occasionally, there’s a strange echo effect that does nothing to make the dialogue any more legible. Strangely, we can hear the Solo cups. One girl taps a finger against her Solo cup and it’s suddenly the loudest thing in the movie. Whenever anyone puts their Solo cup down, the sound of the cup hitting the tile reverberates. The weird soundtrack gives certain moments a dreamlike feel, but for the most part, it just feels incredibly shoddy.

(On a personal note, it was impossible for me to look at all of these Solo cups without thinking about the Flipadelphia episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Flip! Flip! Flipadelphia!)

A coherent, non-muddy soundtrack is something that filmgoers tend to take for granted. It’s not until you watch a film like this that you really appreciate just how important sound actually is. I sat through this entire film, but I couldn’t tell you the names of any of the characters or how they even knew each other. Maybe that was revealed in the dialogue. Maybe it wasn’t. I’m not sure what anyone was actually talking about.

As for the killer, who knows why he was even there or why the word “guillotine” is even in the title. The killer does not carry a guillotine. Instead, he carries what appears to be a chakram with a bunch of rubber worms attached to it. A chakram is a flying disc that is supposed to have sharp edges. Traditionally, one uses a chakram by throwing it. Our killer uses his chakram like a knife. Or at least, I think he does. There are many scenes in which he’s seen plunging the chakram down, but apparently there wasn’t any money in the budget for fake blood, so who knows what he’s actually supposed to be doing with it.

The killer also has the power to hypnotize his victims just by looking at them. As such, every victim simply stops moving as soon as he looks at them. Not only does it rob the victims of their agency, but it also makes for a pretty boring slasher film. It’s just one victim after another, with no personality or variety. That said, at least we can actually understand the dialogue inside the house. “Hello?” “Are you guys here?” Spellbinding stuff, as I’m sure you can tell.

Whatever else one might say about it, this film does offer two important lessons to the aspiring filmmaker. Don’t promise a guillotine if you can’t deliver. Hire someone who knows how to record sound.

SOV Horror: Hollow Gate (dir by Ray Di Zazzo)


1988’s Hollow Gate begins with a Halloween party that almost goes terribly wrong. When he feels that his son Mark is not properly bobbing for apples, a drunken father (Richard London) shoves Mark’s face into the water and yells at him for embarrassing the family. Mark nearly drowns, and hopefully the family learns an important lesson about being overly competitive.

Ten years later, Mark (Addison Randall) is working at a gas station on Halloween night. An obnoxious man drives up with his girlfriend. The man wants some gas put in his car and he hands Mark his girlfriend’s panties. (I guess that’s how you tip in New Jersey.) Mark proceeds to stuff the panties into the car’s gas tank and then set them on fire. The man laughs as he drives away. However, he’s not laughing when the car blows up.

Two years after that, Mark harasses a woman at a Halloween shop. Everyone in town agrees that Mark has obviously been driven mad by the incident at the Halloween party, but nothing can be done about it because Mark’s wealthy grandmother (Pat Shalsant) owns the entire town. Mark is released to her care.

The next Halloween, four teenagers are invited to a party at Mark’s mansion. They discover that Grandma has been murdered and that Mark wants them all to put on some costumes that he ordered. When they are understandably reluctant to play Mark’s game, Mark decides that he’ll just wear each costume and kill his guests, one by one….

As far as SOV horror films are concerned, Hollow Gate is not a bad one. Director Ray Di Zazzo is able to capture a few memorable images. If none of the performances are exactly convincing, a few of them are so over-the-top that they’re entertaining. The gore is splattery enough to be effective, even if it’s not particularly realistic. The plot is not particularly original, but there are still enough scenes of lawyers and police officers discussing how Mark would be in prison if not for his wealthy family that you can at least argue that the film pretended to have something more on its mind than just cheap kills.

What truly makes this film memorable is the flamboyant killer. Mark not only changes costumes, but his methods are a bit more original than the typical hack-and-slash killer. Yes, he can use a knife and an axe, and he does just that in one scene. But he can also run you over with a thresher while dressed as a cowboy. Or he can dress up like an English gentleman and have two golden retrievers maul you to death. The dog scene is probably the most memorable one in the film, if only because the dogs themselves are very cute and seem to be having great fun as they lick their unfortunate victim to death. They’re the adorable canines of doom!

It’s a cheap movie with a predictable plot, but it also appears to be a film that is truly in love with Halloween and all of the customs that go along with it. The owner of the local costume store is ultimately just as important as the killer. In the true Halloween tradition, the story ends on an ambiguous note. Was that the boogeyman? Perhaps he was.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Psychomania (dir by Don Sharp)


In 1973’s Psychomania, Tom Latham (Nicky Henson) is the leader of The Living Dead, a motorcycle gang identified by their skull masks, their bad attitude, and their bizarre love of folk music. Under Tom’s leadership, the members of The Living Dead terrorize the small English town in which they live. They also spend a lot of time hanging out at the cemetery. Tom is death-obsessed. While talking to his girlfriend, Abby (Mary Larkin), Tom suggests that they should kill themselves. “Not that again, Tom,” Abby sighs.

One of the more clever aspects of Psychomania is that, for all of his attempts to be a nihilistic rebel who refuses to conform to the demands of society, Tom is actually a spoiled rich kid who is devoted to his mother (Beryl Reid) and who is still looked after by his butler, Shadwell (George Sanders). Tom’s followers may all be from the lower classes, but Tom most definitely is not. Instead, Tom is very much aware that his mother and Shadwell worship a toad god that can give its followers eternal life, but only if they kill themselves first. After Tom does kill himself, the members of The Living Dead bury him sitting on his motorcycle. He later bursts out of the ground on that same motorcycle and leads his followers on a rampage. Soon, nearly every member of The Living Dead has committed suicide and come back to life as an immortal. The only holdout is Abby.

Psychomania is an enjoyable, chaotic combination of genres. When they first appear, Tom and The Living Dead feel as if they came straight over from one of the many British films about the ’60s rivalry between the rockers and the mods. The Living Dead love their motorcycles and their leather jackets, and they’re not going to let anyone tell them what to do. They’re the type of characters who have appeared in countless biker films. It’s easy to imagine Tom looking at himself in a mirror and trying to imitate Marlon Brando as he says, “What have you got?” However, the film then adds a dash of the witchcraft films popularized by Hammer and Amicus in the late ’60s. Indeed, Tom’s fussy mother and the urbanely sinister Shadwell almost feel like parodies of the type of characters who appeared in those films. (It’s impossible not to smile when the giant toad appears.) The Living Dead then literally become the living dead and prove themselves to be just as relentless as the zombies in the films of George Romero. (That said, the self-amused bikers have more in common with the sanity-deprived characters in Romero’s The Crazies than with the shambling corpses of Night of the Living Dead.) The film ends on a note of sudden reversal, one that brings to mind countless Roger Corman films that featured villains who just didn’t know when to quit.

With all those different genres mashed together, it’s no surprise that Psychomania’s tone is all over the place. Moments of humor and parody are mixed with scenes of the resurrected Living Dead terrorizing their small town and Tom’s mother worrying, along with Shadwell, that perhaps Tom was too immature to be given immortality. Between the suicide montage, the giant toad, and the sight of Tom being buried while sitting on his motorcycle, Psychomania is relentlessly strange and all the more enjoyable for it. Director Don Sharp doesn’t let the action lag, and the film’s mix of bright color, biker imagery, and campy magic combine to make it a truly enjoyable work of pop art.

George Sanders committed suicide shortly after completing this film. He left behind a note that reportedly read, “I’m bored.” He doesn’t have a huge role in Psychomania, but his performance is one of the most memorable things about the film. He imbues Shadwell with a wonderful sense of arch disdain. He may have raised Tom, but that doesn’t mean he has to like him.

Retro Television Review: Baywatch 2.22 “Summer of ’85”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch, which ran on NBC and then in syndication from 1989 to 2001.  The entire show can be viewed on Tubi.

This week, season 2 comes to an end!

Episode 2.22 “Summer of ’85”

(Dir by Michael Berk, originally aired on May 18th, 1992)

This was the second-season finale, and it is an odd note to end on. David Hasselhoff is billed and never appears. Baywatch without Mitch is already a strange choice for a season finale; making the hour an Eddie-and-Shauni murder-mystery-slash-old-flame reunion makes it stranger. Tom McTigue’s Harvey has a prominent role in this episode but Hasselhoff, the show’s center of gravity is missing, and you feel it.

As for the plot: frustrated by life on a cramped boat and partly at Harvey’s urging, Shauni drags Eddie to a psychic named Rosalind (the one and only Toni Basil!). Eddie is a skeptic. When Rosalind tells him he will soon meet his first true love, Eddie says that Shauni already is. Rosalind disagrees.

Soon afterward, Eddie spots a woman sketching on a sailboat who looks painfully familiar. He is sure she is Lorna Cosgrove (Michelle Rogers). Eddie was fifteen when he first met her while vacationing at a friend’s place on Nantucket. Lorna asked if she could paint him. He agreed. Eventually he lost his virginity to her but, later that night, he saw an older man at her door, got jealous and never spoke to her again.

When Eddie approaches the woman, she denies being Lorna and calls herself Caitlin. The next day, she pays a boy to deliver a copy of the painting to Eddie’s tower. That not only proves she is Lorna; it also proves she was a terrible painter. I have seen motel art more impressive than her portrait of Eddie fishing.

Shauni is suspicious, and with good reason. There is a warrant for Lorna’s arrest. The same night Eddie slept with her, her husband was shot, and Lorna was the prime suspect. Can Eddie prove she is innocent?

That continuity, for those who care about that sort of thing, in this episode is a mess. In “Point of Attack,” Eddie claimed he did not even see the ocean until he was nineteen.  The first season established that he was Philadelphia street kid who grew up in the foster system.  And yet, in this episode, here he is at fifteen, on Nantucket, fishing, posing, and losing his virginity in a beach house. As well, this episode plants Shauni and Eddie on a houseboat, with Shauni announcing that they have to get an apartment. The previous episode, “Game of Chance,” had just moved her onto that boat after a fight with her father. Earlier in the season, though, the show had already treated them as live-in partners, sometimes in an apartment. Continuity be damned, I guess.  It’s almost as if the show’s writers just didn’t care.

In the end, Baywatch without Hasselhoff is pointless. That said, Toni Basil is amusing as Rosalind.  This is definitely a case of a performer giving a better performance than the material deserved.

That closes the first syndicated season of Baywatch, and the second season of the series overall. For the most part, season 2 was dumb and fun. The best episodes used Hasselhoff’s innate earnestness. The worst got too cutesy, especially “Now Sit Right Back and You’ll Hear a Tale,” the one where Eddie dreams he is on Gilligan’s Island. Billy Warlock and Erika Eleniak were both adequate as Eddie and Shauni, but neither was happy with the show’s turn once it entered syndication, and that unhappiness often showed.

Next week, we start season 3!

Lifetime For October: Killing All My Sisters (dir by Haylie Duff)


Killing All My Sisters

Oh no. Should Erin or I be worried?

Fortunately, the sisters in the title of this 2024 Lifetime film are not biological sisters. (Or blood sisters, in tribute to the Halloween season.) They’re sorority sisters. Well—one of them is. Most are just pledges, so they don’t really count yet. Don’t get me wrong: killing sorority sisters is still bad. It is simply not as bad as killing a biological sister. Of course, only one sorority sister actually dies on screen, so “all my sisters” is doing a lot of marketing work. It’s a Lifetime film. It happens.

Emily (Isabella Carlsen) is worried because her roommate, tennis phenom Jenna (Muguet Del Toro), is trying to join the Beta sorority. (“Beta forever!” Is that really a good slogan?) Led by Brittany (Grace Patterson), the house is deeply committed to hazing. Emily refused to join after a trust exercise nearly sent her off the roof of a multi-story building. When Jenna disappears, Emily is convinced Brittany’s ex-boyfriend Spencer (Stephen Gray) abducted her. The police won’t take her seriously because Jenna hasn’t been missing a full 24 hours, so Emily drags her artist mother Allie (Muretta Moss) into the search. Becoming a Beta, it turns out, can be dangerous.

Haylie Duff directed. She has starred in enough Lifetime movies that if this had been made ten years earlier, she probably would have played Emily. I have liked some of her other directing work, but Killing All My Sisters falls curiously flat. Too many scenes meander, as if no one had the nerve to tell Haylie the shot added nothing. In a movie that is supposed to be a race against time and which is supposed to be suspenseful, we get a lot of scenes that don’t actually do anything to tighten the drama. Indeed, the narrative often seems to move at a rather casual pace. We get an entire scene of Emily’s mother flirting with the neighbor. It adds up to nothing. I mean, it’s nice that Mom is still making the effort. Emily’s no longer living at home so why shouldn’t a conversation about landscaping turn into more? The scene itself just sits there.

The mystery is easy to solve. There is a bit where Emily announces she has to look for Jenna and then stands in the middle of campus looking left and right. I have to admit that I laughed out loud before I started narrating: “Is Jenna behind that tree? Maybe she’s coming out of that building?” The bigger problem is that some of the most important events happen off-screen. We had time for Mom hitting on the neighbor. We did not have time to watch a fairly important character wake from a coma and name her attacker.

This movie makes me glad I never joined a sorority. I was invited, same as I was invited to try out for cheerleading in high school. Neither was for me. I like my independence. I like my movie nights.

Horror Book Review: First Blood by David Morrell


First published in 1972, David Morrell’s First Blood tells the story of two men who go to war in what was then contemporary Kentucky.

Police Chief Wilfred Teasle runs Madison, Kentucky. He’s a Korean War veteran trusted with keeping his town quiet. When he spots a young, long-haired drifter, he harasses him and tries to run him out. When the drifter keeps coming back, Teasle arrests him. What Teasle doesn’t understand is that the young man is Rambo, a Vietnam veteran and former Green Beret still carrying the PTSD from his time as a POW. Triggered by a claustrophobic cell and the deputies putting hands on him, Rambo escapes into the mountains. One deputy dies in the station. Three more die on the first pursuit. Teasle becomes obsessed with taking him down even as his own injuries mount. Rambo knows he could slip the net and keep walking. The fight feels too good to leave. Many more people die before the novel reaches its tragic conclusion.

First Blood the novel is not a novelization of the film it later inspired. Rambo is not the misunderstood victim of the movie. He’s a mentally unstable man who kills numerous deputies and National Guardsmen. Teasle is not the snarling cartoon sheriff of the movie. He’s a stubborn, decorated chief who develops a strange respect for Rambo and feels a kinship because both of them served overseas. The difference is that Teasle was welcomed home. Society treats Rambo as a pariah, the walking symbol of an unpopular war.

Before we get into why this belongs in the horror column, First Blood is a very well-written novel. The chapters cut back and forth between Rambo and Teasle; both men are vividly drawn. The ending is dark and feels earned. Readers who expect the Stallone movie on paper will be surprised, and hopefully pleased.

As for the horror: you can read First Blood as Vietnam brought home. The same way Last House on the Left dragged overseas atrocity onto American porches, Morrell imagines the war fought in Kentucky hills. Rambo uses what the jungle taught him. Teasle becomes the stand-in for generals who cannot understand the enemy they created. The deputies and Guardsmen Rambo kills become the local version of the bodies left in the trees. Rambo is a monster. Like Frankenstein’s creature, he was shaped by the arrogance and carelessness of the people who made him.

No wonder Teasle feels sorry for him in the end.

October True Crime: Suitcase Killer: The Melanie McGuire Story (dir by Nicole L. Thompson)


In 2004, the body of New Jersey resident Bill McGuire washed up in Virginia. He had been dismembered and his remains had been placed in three different suitcases, all of which someone apparently tried to dispose of by tossing them into the Chesapeake Bay. The subsequent investigation centered on Bill’s wife, Melanie.

The police theorized that Melanie, a nurse at a fertility clinic, was having an affair with a doctor and murdered Bill so that she could end her marriage without losing custody of her kids. Melanie claimed that Bill, a Navy veteran who was a computer programmer at the time of his death, was chronically unfaithful and abusive. She also claimed that he had huge gambling debts and that he had probably been murdered by the mob.

Melanie McGuire went on trial in 2007. At that time, I wasn’t quite the Court TV fiend that I would later become, but I can still remember hearing about the case. The media dubbed Melanie “the Suitcase Killer” and reported on all of the strange things that Melanie had done in the days leading up to Bill’s death. For her part, Melanie had an excuse for every bit of evidence presented against her. For instance, when she was accused of moving Bill’s car, she claimed that it was just a prank that she enjoyed playing on him. When it was pointed out that she had taken a sudden trip to Delaware after the murder, she said she was taking advantage of Delaware’s lack of a sales tax. (That actually makes sense to me. Taxation is theft!)

Did Melanie murder her husband? When it comes to questions like that, it’s always good to remember the wisdom of Occam’s razor. Which possibility makes more sense? Was Bill shot and dismembered by someone who not only had the motive and the opportunity to kill him, but who had also recently traveled to Pennsylvania to buy a gun? Or was Bill murdered by a mysterious gambling syndicate that he had apparently never mentioned to anyone in the past? Personally, I thought Melanie McGuire was obviously guilty. The jury agreed.

In 2022’s Suitcase Killer: The Melanie McGuire Story, Lifetime tells the story of the ill-fated McGuire marriage. Candice King plays Melanie. Michael Roark plays Bill. Wendie Malick appears as the prosecutor who made the case against Melanie. As is typical of Lifetime true-crime films, it attempts to give equal credence to both sides. As such, Roark plays Bill as a temperamental philanderer, while Candice King plays Melanie as someone who is a bit too quick to smile whenever her story is challenged. Of course, by showing both sides, the film actually reminds us that Melanie’s story never made any sense at all.

If you’re a fan of true crime, the film will hold your interest. That said, it’s also a Lifetime film and, as such, some of the more gruesome details are downplayed. We see a hand in one of the suitcases, but that’s about it. We’re left to imagine what else was stuffed in that Kenneth Cole luggage. Myself, I was left to wonder why you would waste not only one but three suitcases on something like this. That’s another reason why I don’t buy Melanie’s excuse that the Mafia did it. The Mafia would have found a much more efficient way of getting rid of the body.

In the end, the main reason to watch this movie is Wendie Malick’s performance as the prosecutor who is determined not only to get a conviction but to have fun doing it. Seriously, Malick deserved her own spin-off.

As for the real Melanie McGuire, she is currently in prison, but she will not be eligible for parole until she is about 101.

Horror Film Review: Ogroff (dir by Norbert Moutier)


Who is Ogroff, the Mad Mutilator?

Ogroff (Norbert Moutier) is a masked man who lives in a shack in the French countryside. The walls of the shack are covered with pictures of naked women and Charles de Gaulle. In a dresser drawer, he keeps newspaper clippings about his time as a hero of the French Resistance and about how he refuses to talk about the prisoners he tortured and killed during the war. Outside the shack, the ground is littered with body parts. Ogroff especially seems to have a bad habit of leaving hands all over the place. A few limbs get buried in the garden. A few others get eaten for dinner. Ogroff leaves every morning with his trusty hatchet.

Ogroff is established as having gone AWOL from the army. Now he apparently spends all of his time waiting for people to park on the side of the road so that he can attack and kill them. This happens quite frequently throughout 1983’s Ogroff. Despite a newspaper headline about all the people who have vanished in the wilderness, people still keep hanging out there, and Ogroff keeps attacking them. In one of the film’s more over-the-top moments, Ogroff fights a chainsaw-wielding lumberjack. Ogroff only has a tiny hatchet, but he makes it work.

The film takes a turn about 40 minutes in. That is when yet another killer decides to invade Ogroff’s forest and ends up getting decapitated by a potential victim. Ogroff appears to fall in love. Romance will have to wait, however, until after the zombie attack. “Les morts-vivants arrivent! Vite! Vite!” shouts Ogroff’s girlfriend. And then, to top it all off, Euro-horror regular Howard Vernon shows up for an enjoyably demented cameo.

Norbert Moutier not only starred as Ogroff but also directed the film. At the time, Moutier owned a video store and decided to make a film of his own to sell to his customers. The film was shot on Super 8 and quickly developed a cult following. The gore is surprisingly realistic, and the film moves at a kinetic, almost frantic pace. Beyond that, it plays out like a filmed nightmare. The forest is dark and full of ominous (and, even more importantly, natural) shadows. Many of the chase scenes take place while the sun is either setting or rising in the background, bringing to mind the classic final shot of the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. There is little dialogue, but the droning musical score (which, at its best, is reminiscent of Goblin) creates an atmosphere of relentless danger and horror. If the first 40 minutes perfectly capture the fear most people feel when they find themselves isolated in an unknown landscape, the second half plays like a deliriously deranged homage to the Italian zombie films that were all the rage in Europe in the early ’80s. Much like Tobe Hooper, George Romero, Jess Franco, and Jean Rollin, Norbert Moutier appears to have had an instinctual understanding of how to get the most from a low budget.

Ogroff may be a pastiche of American horror films, but it plays through the lens of French culture. Ogroff’s shack is decorated with pictures of French cultural icons. The aforementioned photograph of de Gaulle not only establishes Ogroff as a soldier but also identifies him as a man from a different era in French history. While American slasher films feature victims who head into the woods to have sex and smoke weed, Ogroff features victims who sneak into the woods to play chess. Much like Rollin’s The Grapes of Death, Ogroff shows that horror is universal without losing its own cultural identity.

Norbert Moutier passed away in 2020, at the age of 78. Ogroff, however, will live forever.