Retro Television Review: Decoy 1.32 “Fiesta at Midnight”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Decoy, which aired in Syndication in 1957 and 1958.  The show can be viewed on Tubi!

This week, Casey is an accused man’s only advocate.

Episode 1.32 “Fiesta At Midnight”

(Dir by Michael Gordon, originally aired on May 19th, 1958)

Juan Ortega (Tomas Milian) comes to New York City from Puerto Rico and finds himself in jail, accused of robbery and assault.  Ortega, who is still learning English, says that he was at a community dance when the crime happened and that there are two women who can provide him with an alibi.  Unfortunately, one of them (Gloria Marlowe) is married and refuses to testify that she had been talking to another man.  The other, a mysterious woman named Maria, cannot be found.  Casey tries to help.

This was an okay episode.  The episode calls out the NYPD for being too quick to assume that Ortega is guilty just because he speaks Spanish and he’s a newcomer to the neighborhood.  That said, it bothered me that a translator was never provided for Ortega.  Ortega was clearly not comfortable speaking English but he had to do so when talking to Casey because Casey didn’t know much Spanish.  I get that this was probably all done to avoid having to ask the viewers to read subtitles but, in-universe, it felt strange.  It was hard not to notice that, even in a precinct located in Spanish Harlem, there weren’t any Spanish cops.

This was an early role for Tomas Milian, who would go on to star in countless Spaghetti Westerns and who also played the corrupt general in Steven Soderbergh’s Traffic.  Though there’s little of the cunning or wit that distinguished Milian’s later performances, he still makes Juan Ortega into a sympathetic figure.

As for the episode’s ending, Maria (Miriam Colon) is revealed to be a nun and she testifies that Juan was with her when the crime occurred.  Casey tells us that Juan got his miracle.

Villain of the Day: Klaus Wortmann (Antropophagus)


Yesterday, it was announced that George Eastman had passed away at the age of 83.

George Eastman was born Luigi Montefiori in Genoa, Italy.  Montefiori began his career by appearing in Spaghetti westerns.  The tall and often bearded Montefiori had the dangerous look that made him a natural for outlaw and henchmen roles.  Like many Italian actors, he took an “Americanized” alias for his acting roles.  He appeared in his share of American and British films (he appeared opposite Charlton Heston in Call of the Wild and played Goliath in King David) but his fans will always remember him best for the work that he did in his native Italy.  Occasionally, he played a hero.  He gave a particularly strong performance in — don’t laugh — Erotic Nights of the Living Dead.  That said, Eastman will always be best remembered for his villians.

Klaus Wortmann is the one who will always give me nightmares.  Eastman played Wortmann in Joe D’Amato’s infamous 1980 film, Antropophagus.  Klaus Wortmann was a wealthy man who lived on a Greek island with his wife, daughter, and his sister.  Unfortunately, when he and his family were shipwrecked, Klaus resorted to cannibalism to survive.  As the movie begins, Klaus is back at his mansion and being sheltered by sister.  He’s also become an obsessive cannibal.  He’s surrendered his humanity.  He can no longer speak and instead just growls.  He attacks everyone that he sees and he does things to his victims that led to this film being banned in several countries.  Also known as The Grim Reaper, Antropophagus is film that delights in showing people being ripped to pieces and George Eastman is right in the middle of it all.

And he’s absolutely terrifying.

In real life, George Eastman was a handsome man.  That’s one of the things that made him such a fascinating villain in countless western and crime films.  He was usually playing a total psycho but there was still something about him that made you want to get to know more about him.  Klaus Wortmann, on the other hand, is a terrifying monster.  Unwashed, bearded, hideously scarred, continually bathed in sweat, growling and howling as he chases his victims, Klaus is a nightmare come to life.  Eastman throws himself into capturing every grimy detail of Wortmann’s twisted existence and he comes across as a creature who seems to have literally jumped out of the shadows of our greatest fears.

In many ways, Antropophagus is not a particularly good film.  Not even the notoriously shameless Joe D’Amato appeared to think much of it.  The story drags because there aren’t enough victims and therefore there’s a lot of travelogue padding, especially early on in the film.  Along with Eastman, there are some recognizable people in the cast — Tisa Farrow, Zora Kerova, Serena Grandi (who would later co-star with Eastman in Delirium) — both most of them come across like they’d rather be anywhere but there.  But when George Eastman is on-screen, the film become horrifying.  No one — not the pregnant woman and her husband, not the innocent blind girl, not even the flakey card reader — is safe.  By the end of the movie, Klaus is literally eating pieces of himself.  It takes a talented actor to pull that off.

That actor was George Eastman.

Villain of the Day

Join #TubiThursdasy For Brotherhood of Justice!


 

Hi, everyone!  Tonight, on Mastodon, I will be hosting the #TubiThursday watch party!  Join us for 1986’s Brotherhood of Justice!

You can find the movie on Tubi and you can join us on Mastodon at 9 pm central time!  (That’s 10 pm for you folks on the East Coast.)  We will be using #TubiThursday hashtag!  See you then!

Song of the Day: Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood (performed by Santa Esmeralda)


Many, many years ago, when I first heard this song on the soundtrack for Kill Bill Volume One, I immediately fell in love with it.  I have to admit, as well, that when I first heard Santa Esmeralda’s version, I assumed that the cover had been recorded specifically for the Kill Bill soundtrack.  Well, turns out I was not only wrong, I was way wrong.  This cover version was actually recorded way back in 1977.

I also thought, before I started writing this post, that the song was originally performed by the Animals.  Wrong again.  The song was first written in 1964 by Bennie Benjamin, Gloria Caldwell, and Sol Marcus and it was originally performed by Nina Simone.  Then, in 1965, the Animals did their famous cover.  The Animals’ version of the song is the one that used to get stuck in my head when I was in high school because it used to play constantly at the Target where I would skip school.

But the Santa Esmeralda version is my favorite and it is today’s song of the day.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.2 “The Inmates Buy The Asylum”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

The center cannot hold.

Episode 5.2 “The Inmates Buy The Asylum”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on October 12th, 1988)

If there’s one thing that you can depend on when it comes to this show, it’s inconsistency.

Last week, the players decided to buy the team.  This was portrayed as being a genius move on their part.  Dr. Death dressed up in a suit and said that he was ready to be a businessman as well as a player.  TD Parker (OJ Simpson) told the players that it would be a good idea to take a blade to the typical player/owner relationship.

This week, the players buy the team and everything starts to fall apart.  Suddenly, the players are all too concerned with their own petty issues to be smart businessmen.  Dr. Death is no longer wearing a suit and shows up for a meeting of all the team owners in a denim jacket.  (All of the owners except for one walk out on him.)  The team decides to fire Coach Grier.  Why?  They just don’t like him.  T.D. delivers the news to an embittered Grier and admits that the players are not good owners.  Gee, TD, maybe you shouldn’t have told them to buy the team!

In other words, the players have seized the means of production and screwed everything up.  If nothing else, this episode was a good example of why communism will never work.

Meanwhile, agent Max Green was still in Louisiana, trying to sign college linebacker Sonny Clowers (Gary Kasper).  Fortunately, a chance meeting with the preacher of Sonny’s church gave Max an inside track.  But with the Bulls be able to get it together in time to draft him?

I guess we will find out next week.  As for this episode, it felt as if the writers suddenly realized that it was a mistake to have the players buy the team so they set out to course correct at the last minute.  Myself, I’m wondering how being both a player and an owner would work.  Who sets the salaries?  If a player is traded, is he still an owner?

Seriously, this all seems like a bad idea.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.21 “Ace’s Valet/Mother Comes First/Hit or Miss America”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Love Boat has a few special passengers.

Episode 7.21 “Ace’s Valet/Mother Comes First/Hit or Miss America”

(Dir by Richard A. Wells, originally aired on February 25th, 1984)

Ace is back from photography school and not a minute too soon because the Love Boat is playing host to not only Miss America Vanessa Williams (playing herself) but also several former Miss Americas.  Unfortunately, for Ace, his mother insists that the family valet, Finley (Jeremy Brett), accompany him.  Ace decides that Finley needs a distraction …. maybe a girlfriend!  Hey, at least one of the former Miss Americas is single….

Meanwhile, Vanessa Williams is getting annoyed with various men hitting on her.  In order to get them to leave her alone, she tells them that she has a boyfriend and he’s on the cruise.  In fact, he’s working as a bartender on the boat!  Tyrone (Glynn Turman) is disappointed but Isaac is overjoyed when he hears that Vanessa is “crazy” about him.  Poor Isaac!  And actually, poor Vanessa as well.  A few months after this episode aired, she stepped down from her position after Penthouse magazine published some risqué pictures that were taken during her modeling days.

Finally, Jenny Rhodes (Audrey Landers) wants her mother, Mrs. Rhodes (Marian Mercer), to find love on the boat.  Gopher helps out by wearing bronzer and a fake beard and pretending to be a wealthy and powerful Indian named Punjab.  Uhmm …. yeah, I’m not really sure what to say about that.  On the one hand, this episode featured the first black Miss America.  On the other hand, it also featured Fred Grandy wearing brownface and speaking in a exaggerated Indian accent.  It’s as if the show was so proud of itself for not being racist in one story that it didn’t notice that it was being totally racist in another.

So, this was, overall, a pretty stupid episode.  I hate to have to say that because I usually really do enjoy The Love Boat.  But having Fred Grandy pretend to be Indian and then having Mrs. Rhodes not get upset about the deception just felt …. well, stupid.  As for the other two stories, Jeremy Brett was amusing and Ted Lange was, as always, endearing.  This could have been a good episode if not for that third story.

Oh well.  Not every cruise can be a winner.  That said, I know what your main question is about this episode.

Julie didn’t do much this episode.  Overall, she really hasn’t done much this entire season.  On a scale of one to ten, I would actually give her an 8 as far as this episode goes.  I mean, she really did lose it when she saw Ace was back on the boat.  For that matter, the Miss Americas all appeared to be in a surprisingly good mood as well.  This was the coke cruise.

Scenes That I Love: George Bailey Tells Off Mr. Potter In It’s A Wonderful Life


Since today is James Stewart’s birthday, it seems appropriate that our scene should be from one of my favorite films of all time, 1946’s It’s A Wonderful Life. In this wonderfully acted and directed scene, George Bailey tells off Mr. Potter, for the first but certainly not the last time:

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special James Stewart Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, we celebrate the birthday of one of the greatest American actors of all time, the wonderful James Stewart!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 James Stewart Films

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington (1939, dir by Frank Capra, DP: Joseph Walker)

It’s A Wonderful Life (1946, dir by Frank Capra, DP: Joseph Walker and Joseph Biroc)

Rear Window (1954, dir by Alfred Hitchcock, DP: Robert Burks)

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962, dir by John Ford. DP: William H. Clothier)