Happy Thanksgiving! Due to the holiday, Retro Television Reviews will be taking a few days off! This feature will return on Monday, December 2nd, with Miami Vice and CHiPs!
Have a great Thanksgiving weekend everyone!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, the second season of Monsters reaches its conclusion!
Episode 2.24 “The Family Man”
(Dir by Michael Warren Powell, originally aired on June 3rd, 1990)
Neil (Calvin Armitage) is not happy. The young son of Angie (Annie Corley), Neil is upset that she is dating a condescending psychologist named Warren (Michael O’Gorman). Making things even worse is that Neil seems to be the only person who dislikes Warren. Even Neil’s older sister, Terri (Kelli Rabke), thinks that Warren is a great guy and would be a wonderful stepfather.
Adding to Neil’s problems is his terrible eyesight. He’s recently gotten new glasses, which he cannot stand. He would rather wear the glasses that once belonged to his late father. When Neil puts those old glasses on and looks at Warren, he is shocked to see that Warren is actually a lizard-like alien with sharp teeth. It doesn’t take long for Warren to figure out that Neil has seen through his human disguise but, as Warren explains it, no one is going to believe Neil. Instead, Warren is just going to drain the life forces of Angie, Neil, and Terri, killing them as he’s killed so many other humans.
At first, it looks like Warren is correct. Angie refuses to listen to Neil and she also refuses to put on the glasses. As for the glasses themselves, they are eventually shattered by Warren. What can Neil possibly do!? Luckily, the glasses were not the only thing that Neil’s father left behind….
The second season finale of Monsters owes a great deal to They Live, with the exception being that, instead of seeing how he’s being manipulated by the media, Neil uses his glasses to discovers that his potential stepfather is actually a murderous lizard person. I think that anyone who has ever watched in horror as their divorced or widowed mother dated a new weirdo will be able to relate to this episode. I remember, immediately after my parents got divorced, I tended to view almost every guy that my mom talked to as being a potential lizard person. Eventually, of course, I came to accept that not all strangers were alien beings. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met an actual alien or an actual lizard person. That’s good luck on my part, I suppose.
As for this episode, the lizard person makeup was effective and Michael O’Gorman certain gave a good performance as the manipulative Warren. Probably the most disturbing thing about Warren was the he didn’t seem to be particularly worried about Neil discovering his true identity because he knew there was no way anyone was going to believe a word that Neil said. That said, the episode really was a bit too much of a rip-off to be totally successful. Still, if you’re going to rip someone off, you might as well rip off the best.
The second season of Monsters ends on an above average note. The season itself was, overall, uneven. There was some very good episode and, unfortunately, there were also some very bad ones. I guess that’s to be expected with anthology shows.
Next week, we’ll begin the third and final season of Monsters!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
The Love Boat promises something for everyone!
Episode 5.7 “The Lady from Laramie/Vicki Swings/Phantom Bride”
(Dir by Jack Arnold, originally aired on November 14th, 1981)
As I did with this week’s episodes of Miami Vice, CHiPs, and Fantasy Island, I’m going to save time by doing this one bullet point style.
Next week — The Love Boat goes on a Thanksgiving cruise! (If only I had started reviewing The Love Boat a week earlier than I did, the timing would have been perfect.) ‘Til then, set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance….
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, the world goes mad!
Episode 2.20 “Hot Winds”
(Dir by Parker Stevenson, originally aired on May 3rd, 1997)
A hot wind is blowing down from the hills and into Los Angeles.
People are going crazy in the streets. Strangers are attacking each other for no reason. Riots are breaking out. The world seems like it’s gone off its axis and no one knows how to react. Is the heat driving everyone mad or is it something else? Diamont Teague tells Mitch and Ryan that he suspects that something supernatural is happening. Mitch, as usual, argues that people in Los Angeles have always been crazy. Not like this! Diamont says.
Is Diamont correct? As he, Mitch, and Ryan leave the office, they run into an aggravated man who proceeds to beat on a brick wall until his hands are covered in blood. Mitch assumes that the man must be on drugs. Diamont says that they need to drive out to the desert so that they can find the source of the wind. Mitch is skeptical until he starts seeing a ghostly image of a robed man carrying a scythe.
It’s a long trip out to the desert, made even longer by the rioting and the madness all around. Mitch stops long enough to keep a woman from throwing her baby over a ledge. But, as soon as Mitch grabs away her baby, the woman jumps anyway. It’s quite a fall and somehow, the woman survives. Luckily, Mitch is there to render CPR while the crazed crowd watches. The world may going mad but Mitch is still a lifeguard, dammit.
Driving through the desert, Ryan wonders why she, Mitch, and Diamont aren’t going crazy like everyone else. It’s a good question. Seriously, last week was a lot of fun because it gave us a chance to watch the Hoff got possessed by a demon. It’s hard not to regret that he didn’t get a chance to go crazy in this episode.
In the desert, the robed man with the scythe dances. The scythe apparently is what sends down the hot air. If Mitch can get the scythe away from the man, the violence can stop. Who is the man? Apparently, he’s a devil worshipper. Ryan suspects that there might be hundreds of similar people out there. Maybe they’re the ones who are responsible for all the madness in the world! Has Ryan already forgotten that, a few episodes ago, it was established that the Knights Templar secretly controlled the world?
This episode was actually not bad. The scenes of people suddenly going mad were effective and the man in the desert was actually a pretty ominous image. Even the show’s overreliance on Dutch angles felt effective for once, drawing the audience into a world that was permanently off-balance. I enjoyed this episode and I’ll remember it the next time I see a stranger yelling on a street corner.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.
This week …. hey, where’s Tattoo!?
Episode 5.19 “Face of Love/Image of Celeste”
(Dir by Don Chaffey, originally aired on March 20th, 1982)
Once again, as I did with Miami Vice and CHiPs, I am going to save time by doing this review bullet-point style. It’s the holidays, after all.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!
This week, Baker takes charge!
Episode 2.22 “Ride The Whirlwind”
(Dir by Larry Wilcox, originally aired on March 10th, 1979)
Just as with the week’s episode of Miami Vice, I am going to do a bullet-point review of this week’s episode of CHiPs because, quite frankly, it’s the holidays and I’m pressed for time.
Next week: Season two ends!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!
This week, the Vice Squad investigates a baby broker!
Episode 3.9 “Baby Blues”
(Dir by Danial Attias, originally aired on November 21st, 1986)
In honor Miami Vice‘s violent nature (and in recognition of the fact that it’s the holidays and I’ve got a lot of things that I need to do), I’m going to review this week’s episode bullet-point style!
Next week’s episode features Bill Paxton and Wesley Snipes! I’m looking forward to it!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991! The series can be streamed on YouTube!
This week, it’s time for another Degrassi divorce!
Episode 1.3 “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”
(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on November 13th, 1989)
I’m running a bit late tonight so here is a very quick rundown of this week’s episode of Degrassi High.
Next week …. more drama!
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.
This week, Detective Munch takes a stand!
Episode 1.8 “And the Rockets’ Dead Glare”
(Dir by Peter Markle, originally aired on March 17th, 1993)
Is John Munch a stoner?
That’s the question that Stanley Bolander finds himself considering during this week’s episode of Homicide: Life On The Street. At a crime scene, Munch displays an encyclopedic knowledge of marijuana and later, while talking to a narcotics detective at the station house, both Munch and Bayliss argue that drugs should be legalized. That night, as they wait to bust a man who earlier killed a drug currier, Bolander flat out asks Munch if he gets high. Munch refuses to answer.
Of course, those of us watching already know. Of course, John Munch gets high! He’s played by Richard Belzer, the thin, middle-aged man who never takes off his sunglasses and who is continually rattling off trivial knowledge in a mellow tone of voice. Munch not only gets high but he was probably high through this entire episode. Whenever Munch appeared on another television show, he was probably high then. And when he eventually ended up on Law & Order: SVU, he was probably so stoned that I’m surprised Stabler didn’t put him in a headlock and start yelling about how he didn’t want Munch serving as a bad example for the youth of New York City.
There’s no surprise that Munch would be in favor of legalizing drugs. (It’s a bit more surprising that straight-laced Bayliss would agree but whatever.) What was surprising, to me, was how I reacted to his argument. There was a time when I was 100% enthusiastically in favor of legalizing all drugs, or at least leaving it up to individual states. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that it’s not that simple. Legalizing drugs is not the societal cure-all that many of us assumed it would be. Then again, weed is kind of boring now that it’s socially acceptable so maybe the best way to keep people off of drugs is to broadcast nonstop YouTube commercials featuring middle-aged suburbanites talking about how much they love their edibles.
(To be honest, Munch and Bayliss’s sudden advocacy for drug legalization reminded me of one of the things that always makes me laugh about Law & Order, i.e. the tendency to have blue-collar cops, who are not exactly the most liberal of constituencies, suddenly start talking like MSNBC pundits.)
While Munch argued for drug legalization, Pembleton considered whether or not to accept a promotion, Kay testified in a murder trial and accepted the offer of a dinner date from State’s Attorney Ed Danvers (Zeljko Ivanek), and Corsetti and Lewis drove to Washington D.C. to investigate the murder of a Chinese dissident. Officially, they went to D.C. so that they could question the people at the Chinese embassy about the victim and the possibility that his murder was related to politics. However, the real reason they went to D.C. was so that Crosetti could visit some historical sites and expound on his theories about who really killed Abraham Lincoln. A somewhat sinister secret service agent (played by Ed Lauter) was happy to show them around in return for them not making trouble at the embassy. Crosetti was excited. Lewis was considerably less impressed. I enjoyed the DC storyline, if just because I’m both a history and a conspiracy nerd and, when Jeff and I last went to our nation’s capital, I got excited about seeing some of the same locations that Crosetti got excited about.
This episode was a day-in-the-life episode, with all of the detectives getting their share of attention. (Even Felton, who accompanied Kay to the courthouse, got a few moments to shine.) If the episode didn’t have the emotional impact of Night of the Dead Living, it still did a good job of portraying the comradery of a group of people who are linked by their knowledge of what it’s like to see others at their worst. In the end, Pembleton turns down the promotion and finally, joins his fellow detectives for an after-work drink. I’m glad he did. They’re good company.
Believe it or not, I didn’t really watch anything this week (beyond, of course, the shows that I’ve been reviewing for my Retro Television Reviews). I haven’t even watched the latest episode of Hell’s Kitchen yet. What can I say? Thanksgiving and Christmas are both approaching. Erin’s birthday is on Sunday. (Happy birthday, Erin!) Jeff is leaving for Maryland on Monday. It’s been a busy week and, for the most part, I’ve just been preparing for the next week. And the week after that!
I did, on Friday night and early Saturday morning, watch Thanksgiving episodes of Bewitched and an old show called That Girl. And then I watched an episode of Night Music, which had nothing to do with Thanksgiving. All three of those were on YouTube. That’s pretty much it, though.
So, the next time someone says I watch too much TV, I’ll point them to this post. Sound good?