Tag Archives: Judy Norton

The Eric Roberts Collection: Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 2013’s Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft, Ella (Fivel Stewart) and Jonah (Booboo Stewart) are twins who are sent to an exclusive private school.  The private school is so exclusive that many of the students are the descendants of former students.  If you don’t have the right lineage, you’re not attending this school.

Ella and Jonah soon discover that this isn’t your everyday private school.  Instead, the student body is made up of witches and wizards and so are the majority of the teachers.  Ella and Jonah also discover that they are being targeted.  Can they defeat the other witches and wizards and will their school ever beat Hogwarts at Quidditch?

Now, technically, Hogwarts is never mentioned in this film and no one ever plays Quidditch but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out which insanely popular series of books and films inspired Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft.  There are a few references to witches in the woods and children being eaten but this film definitely has more in common with the works of J.K. Rowling than the work of the Brothers Grimm.  It’s a fairly silly film but it’s enjoyable enough, if you’re a fan of director David DeCoteau’s unique aesthetic.  That means plenty of cheap special effects, a few names in the cast, one scene of gratuitous shirtlessness for Booboo Stewart, and an open-ended conclusion, just in case someone was willing to pay for a sequel.

Eric Roberts plays Mr. Sebastian.  He’s the kind-hearted headmaster at the school.  He doesn’t appear in many scenes but, as always, it’s nice to see Eric Roberts playing a nice guy for once.  At one point, Mr. Sebastian explains what is going on at the school and it doesn’t make the least bit of sense but I guess that’s magic for you.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Paul’s Case (1980)
  2. Star 80 (1983)
  3. Runaway Train (1985)
  4. To Heal A Nation (1988)
  5. Best of the Best (1989)
  6. Blood Red (1989)
  7. The Ambulance (1990)
  8. The Lost Capone (1990)
  9. Best of the Best II (1993)
  10. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  11. Voyage (1993)
  12. Freefall (1994)
  13. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  14. Sensation (1994)
  15. Dark Angel (1996)
  16. Doctor Who (1996)
  17. Most Wanted (1997)
  18. The Alternate (2000)
  19. Mercy Streets (2000)
  20. Tripfall (2000)
  21. Raptor (2001)
  22. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  23. Strange Frequency (2001)
  24. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  25. Border Blues (2004)
  26. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  27. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  28. We Belong Together (2005)
  29. Hey You (2006)
  30. Cyclops (2008)
  31. Depth Charge (2008)
  32. Amazing Racer (2009)
  33. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  34. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  35. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  36. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  37. The Expendables (2010) 
  38. Groupie (2010)
  39. Sharktopus (2010)
  40. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  41. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  42. Deadline (2012)
  43. The Mark (2012)
  44. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  45. The Night Never Sleeps (2012)
  46. Snow White: A Deadly Summer (2012)
  47. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  48. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  49. Lovelace (2013)
  50. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  51. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  52. Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End (2013)
  53. Revelation Road 2: The Sea of Glass and Fire (2013)
  54. Self-Storage (2013)
  55. Sink Hole (2013)
  56. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  57. This Is Our Time (2013)
  58. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  59. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  60. Eternity: The Movie (2014)
  61. Inherent Vice (2014)
  62. Road to the Open (2014)
  63. Rumors of War (2014)
  64. So This Is Christmas (2014)
  65. Amityville Death House (2015)
  66. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  67. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  68. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  69. Sorority Slaughterhouse (2015)
  70. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  71. Story of Eva (2015)
  72. Enemy Within (2016)
  73. Hunting Season (2016)
  74. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  75. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  76. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  77. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  78. Dark Image (2017)
  79. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  80. Black Wake (2018)
  81. Frank and Ava (2018)
  82. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  83. The Wrong Teacher (2018)
  84. Clinton Island (2019)
  85. Monster Island (2019)
  86. The Reliant (2019)
  87. The Savant (2019)
  88. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  89. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  90. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  91. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  92. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  93. Hard Luck Love Song (2020)
  94. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  95. Law of Attraction (2020)
  96. Top Gunner (2020)
  97. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  98. The Elevator (2021)
  99. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  100. Killer Advice (2021)
  101. Megaboa (2021)
  102. Night Night (2021)
  103. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  104. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  105. Red Prophecies (2021)
  106. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  107. The Wrong Mr. Right (2021)
  108. Bleach (2022)
  109. Dawn (2022)
  110. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  111. 69 Parts (2022)
  112. The Rideshare Killer (2022)
  113. The Wrong High School Sweetheart (2022)
  114. The Company We Keep (2023)
  115. D.C. Down (2023)
  116. If I Can’t Have You (2023)
  117. Megalodon: The Frenzy (2023)
  118. Aftermath (2024)
  119. Bad Substitute (2024)
  120. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  121. Insane Like Me? (2024)
  122. Space Sharks (2024)
  123. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  124. Broken Church (2025)
  125. Shakey Grounds (2025)
  126. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.13 “Doc Take the Fifth/Safety Last/A Business Affair”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Love, exciting and new….

Episode 5.13 “Doc Take the Fifth/Safety Last/A Business Affair”

(Dir by Bruce Bilson, originally aired on Jan. 2nd, 1982)

Returning from his vacation, Doc boards the boat with a young Russian blonde woman named Tania (Irena Ferris).  Oh, the crew says, Doc has a new girlfriend.

No, Doc has a new wife!  Doc and Tania met after Doc saw her performing as a member of a communist symphony during his vacation.  They struck up a conversation and, according to Doc, it was love at first sight,  After a whirlwind courtship, Doc and Tania got married, mere hours before heading to the boat.  It’s going to be a working honeymoon for Doc and he can’t wait to consummate the marriage.  The crew can’t wait for him to do it either.  (Seriously, they are oddly obsessed with Doc Bricker’s sex life.)  This is Doc’s fifth marriage and it’s going to last!

Except …. Tania doesn’t seem to want to consummate the marriage.  In fact, once the boat sets sail, Tania seems to be avoiding Doc.  Doc wonders if maybe Tania is just shy but seriously — refusing to have sex with your new husband on a luxury cruise ship?  No one’s that shy!  Then Doc spies Tania kissing another passenger.

“Adam,” the captain says, “you don’t know Tania that well.”

Indeed, Adam does not.  Eventually, Tania tells Doc Bricker the truth.  She married Adam so she could stay in the country with the true love of her life, political dissident Mikhail (Kai Wulff).  Tania says that she really, really likes Doc but she is not in love with him.  Both Tania and Mikhail apologize to Doc and tell him that Tania will get the marriage annulled and return to Russia.

Personally, I think Doc would have been justified in tossing them both overboard.  Instead, Doc asks Captain Stubing to call a friend at the State Department and arrange for Tania to get permanent refugee status in the United States.  Awwww, that was nice of Doc!

This storyline was depressing but, as I’ve said before, I always appreciate it when The Love Boat allows Doc Bricker to be something other than just a lech.  Bernie Kopell was so likable in the role that it was always nice when he got to play Doc as being a nice guy as opposed to a manipulative sex addict.  Kopell did an especially good job in this episode, especially at the end where he appears to be on the verge of tears as he watches Tania and Mikhail leave the boat.

As for the other two stories, neither one was particularly interesting.  A safety inspector (Don Adams) is so obsessed with safety that he nearly misses a chance for romance with Alice (Britt Ekland).  Luckily, Isaac is there to set him straight.  A business executive (Robert Fuller) is upset that everyone thinks he’s sleeping with his Vice President (Judy Norton).  But then he falls in love with her and sleeps with her for real so I guess the rumors were true!

Those stories were boring but Doc’s story redeemed this week’s cruise.  Poor Doc!  Maybe the sixth time will be the charm.