Susan Beaubian – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Zack injures his knee and has to go to the hospital! Hilarity ensues!

Episode 3.6 “Operation Zack”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 28th, 1991)

Along with being a track star, a radio announcer, a member of the student council, and the leader of Zack Attack, Zack Morris is also a star basketball player. Bayside’s basketball team has a big game coming up. They’re coached by a short person. That’s the joke. While rushing out of the dressing room for lay-up drills, Zack collides with Mr. Belding and somehow injures his knee. Screech rushes him to the hospital and, in a preview of what he would do to Mr. Belding on countless episodes of The New Class, Screech continually pushes the wheelchair-bound Zack into walls and desks, causing him to reinjure his knee. The show thinks it’s hilarious but I’ve injured my knee and my ankle before and I know how painful it is. Screech is a moron.

Lisa’s mother, Dr. Turtle (Susan Beaubian), says that Zack’s knee is going to require surgery. She says that it’s no big deal but everyone else acts as if Zack has been given a death sentence. “They’re going to hack Zack!” Zack says. He has a dream where he sees his own funeral. (Screech appears as his guardian angel.) Zack disguises himself as a doctor and tries to sneak out of the hospital. Dr. Turtle catches him. Lisa, who is volunteering as a candy striper, tells Zack that everything is going to be okay.

And everything is! The surgery is a success. Zack even survives Screech trying to turn on the television by using the bed’s remote control. And Mr. Belding does Zack’s homework for him. That makes no sense. How is that even allowed?

This episode was pretty dumb. That said, I did once watch it while I was actually in the hospital because I was recovering from an asthma attack and, at that time, it did cheer me up. Dumb as it is, the episode does get at a universal truth. Everyone hates going to the hospital.

Finally, this episode features one of Dustin Diamond’s worst performances. Screech is especially annoying here because, for once, his stupidity actually does hurt someone. Zack doesn’t need some doofus clumsily pushing his wheelchair while shouting, “Lady with a baby!” Whenever Screech caused Zack to bump into something, I felt shooting sympathy pains. Mark-Paul Gosselaar looked fairly annoyed whenever he had to share a scene with Dustin Diamond. In this case, I don’t blame him.

Next week, Screech plays chess and loses his lucky beret. What a dummy.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), a true American hero.

Even though Frank is just a Los Angeles cop, he still goes to the Middle East and disrupts a conference of America’s greatest enemies. He beats up Fidel Castro. He knocks out Gadafi and Yasser Arafat. He cleans Gorbachev’s head. (“I knew it!” he says as the birthmark disappears.) He takes out Idi Amin and he sends the Ayatollah Khomeini through a window. Thirty-seven years ago, this scene opened The Naked Gun and, after all that time, it is still funny because Leslie Nielsen plays it all with a straight face, delivering his silly lines without flinching. It’s also interesting that none of the leaders taken down by Frank Drebin are around anymore. Khomeini died just a few months after this film came out. Gorbachev was the last to go, in 2022, by which time he was no longer an enemy. Consider it the Frank Drebin Effect. He’s making the world safe for democracy.

When Drebin returns to Los Angeles, he’s informed by Captain Ed Hocken (George Kennedy) that Police Squad has been put in charge of security for a visit from Queen Elizabeth (Jeanette Charles) and that Officer Nordberg (O.J. Simpson) is in the hospital and suspected of being a dirty cop. The Mayor (Nancy Marchand) doesn’t want Los Angeles to be embarrassed by a police scandal before the Queen arrives so Drebin has 24 hours to exonerate Nordberg. Drebin’s attempt to clear Nordberg’s name leads him to a shipping magnate (Ricardo Montalban) who has come up with a diabolical scheme to assassinate the Queen at a baseball game. It also leads to love between Drebin and Jane Spencer (Priscilla Presley).

Though Liam Neeson did a fine job in the recent reboot, there really is only one Frank Drebin and his name is Leslie Nielsen. The original Naked Gun is nearly 40 years old and, even if some of the jokes are dated, it’s still laugh out loud funny. Most of the credit has to go to Leslie Nielsen and ability to deliver even the most bizarre bits of dialogue with natural authority, gravitas and a straight face. Whether he’s mumbling his way through the National Anthem, paying an informer for information, or hamming it up as an umpire, Nielsen is never less than hilarious. By the end of the movie, it’s impossible to look at Nielsen without laughing. Kennedy, Presely, and Montalban also generate their share of laughs. John Houseman has a great cameo as an unflappable driving instructor. (“Now, extend your middle finger.”) As for OJ Simpson, he doesn’t seem to be in on the joke like the rest of the cast but he does frequently get injured and re-injured throughout the movie and there’s definitely some pleasure to be found in that.

(When Simpson died, director David Zucker said, “His acting was a lot like his murdering: He got away with it, but no one believed him.” That sounds about right.)

Liam Neeson made for a fine Frank Drebin, Jr. I hope he has many more adventures. But the greatest Frank Drebin will always be Leslie Nielsen and the original Naked Gun will always be one of my favorite comedies. Sometimes, it’s good just to laugh.

Thank you, David Zuker.

Thank you, Jerry Zucker.

Thank you, Jim Abrahams.

And most of all, thank you, Leslie Nielsen.