The Arrangement”

Posted on June 11, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, season 6 begins!

Episode 6.1 and 6.2 “The Italian Cruise: Venetian Love Song/Down for the Count/Arrividerci, Gopher/The Arrangement”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 2nd, 1982)

The Love Boat crew goes to Italy!

The sixth season of The Love Boat did indeed start with a cruise to Italy. It was a special two-hour episode, shot on location at sea and in Italy! Our crew visits Monaco, Rome, Capri, and Venice and really, that’s the main appeal of this episode. It’s certainly not the stories, which are pretty superficial even by the standards of the Love Boat.

Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters play an old Italian couple who bicker through the whole cruise but who also truly love each other. Awwww! Ernest and Shelley were veteran actors and they both appear to be having fun devouring the scenery in their scenes. Their cruise goes better here than it did in The Poseidon Adventure.

Meredith Baxter falls for a man (David Birney, the annoying Dr. Samuels from the first season of St. Elsewhere) who turns out to be a gigolo. However, he abandons being a manwhore so that he can pursue a relationship with Meredith. I understand that Baxter and Birney were married at the time. They have absolutely zero chemistry when they’re acting opposite each other.

Marie Osmond is angry over being expected to take part in an arranged marriage. Yeah, that is kind of messed up. She’d rather marry the totally handsome John James.

Finally, an Italian handyman who looks just like Gopher (and who is also played by Fred Grandy) abducts the real Gopher and takes his place on the ship so that he can try to win the love of a wealthy passenger named Angelica Francini (Christopher Norris) and…. well, actually, this storyline is kind of interesting.

Actually, maybe “interesting” the wrong word.

Goofy! That’s the word I’m looking for.

This storyline is so goofy — so damn goofy — that it’s actually kind of fun. I mean, it’s The Love Boat. The Love Boat should be silly. Fred Grandy playing two characters is silly and fun. To give credit where credit is due, Grandy did a pretty good job playing the imposter imitating Gopher. His attempts to speak in a stereotypical American accent made me laugh. In the end, the real Gopher makes it back to the boat. Confronted with two Gophers, the Captain realizes that the fake Gopher is the one who has actually been doing a good job and kicks him off the boat. He’d rather have the real, incompetent Gopher and I don’t blame him. What’s odd is that no one’s really upset or even that surprised by the kidnapping. I don’t think anyone even bothers to callsthe police.

Anyway, Italy is the main attraction here. I love Italy (which I visited the summer after I graduated high school) and I loved this episode! At one point, Marie Osmond wore a red dress that looked a lot like the one that I wore to Pompeii on that windy day when I accidentally flashed a thousand tourists. Marie was struggling with the wind too and I was like, “I share your struggle, Marie!”

I enjoyed this cruise. I want to go back to Italy.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.27 “April in Boston/Saving Grace/Breaks of Life”

Posted on May 7, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Charo’s back!

Episode 5.27 “April in Boston/Saving Grace/Breaks of Life”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 1st, 1982)

April Lopez (Charo) is back! This time, she has given up show business and is now working as a Spanish tutor for stuffy private school headmaster Bradford York (David Hedison). She is falling for Bradford but she knows that he would never accept her as an entertainer. Or would he? We’re about to find out because the entertainment that Julie booked, probably while in a cocaine-fueled haze, fails to show up. Would April be willing to perform?

April sings “Let’s get physical, physical,” in the ship’s lounge but when Bradford stops by to get a drink, April covers her face with a mask. “If I sang like that,” Bradford says, “I’d wear a mask too….”

And that really gets to the main problem with this story. Bradford York is jerk! Seriously, I know why some people find Charo to be annoying and I do think The Love Boat tended to overuse the character but she deserves a lot better than Bradford York! Eventually, of course, Bradford leans that April is the singer and he tells her that he loves her in Spanish. (He has to ask April how to say it first.) So, I guess it’s a happy ending but we all know that April’s going to be single again once the sixth season starts.

As for the other storylines, Gwen (Jayne Meadows) and George Finley (Gene Rayburn) are a divorced couple who end up in the ship’s infirmary together. We’ve never seen the infirmary before and I assume we’ll never see it again. The two of them fall in love all over again. It tuns out Gwen was just faking her injury so she could be with George. It seems like Doc Bricker should have noticed that.

Finally, Grace Bostwick (Jane Powell) is a widow who is prevented from jumping overboard by Gabriel (Hugh O’Brian). Gabriel says he’s angel, sent from Heaven to help Grace move on from her grief. It turns out that he’s not. He’s just someone who knew Grace was suicidal and figured he would have to come up with something dramatic to keep her from plunging into the ocean. Everyone on the boat acts as if this makes total sense. Grace is very forgiving. Never has one lie been responsible for so much love.

What a weird episode. A man pretended to be an angel, Charo performed while wearing a mask, and the ship has an infirmary! Weird as it was, the episode kept me entertained. I’ve always liked Charo’s mix of sincerity and flamboyance. That said, she deserves better than Bradford York. The angel storyline was problematic for all sorts of reasons but at least Jane Powell and Hugh O’Brian gave good performances. They almost sold it. Almost.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.25 “Burl of My Dreams/Meet the Author/Rhymes, Riddles, and Romance”

Posted on April 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, someone needs to call Family Services.

Episode 5.25 “Burl of My Dreams/Meet the Author/Rhymes, Riddles, and Romance”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 27th, 1982)

Poor Vicki!

Here she is, living on the Love Boat, surrounded by the middle-aged crew and the largely elderly passengers, and without a single friend her own age. (Seriously, how does Captain Stubing get away with this?) She’s excited when an old school friend, Scott Nelson (Rad Daly), boards the boat but Scott, being 14 and a boy, is totally clueless about the fact that 1) Vicki is no longer a tomboy and 2) Vicki totally has a crush on him.

Gopher sees that Vicki is upset so he tries to cheer her up by telling her that she deserves better than Scott and also sending her flowers. Gopher may have had good intention but now Vicki is convinced that she’s in love with Gopher and that Gopher is in love with her! Captain Stubing is not amused. And Vicki is also not amused when she overhears Gopher explaining that he was just trying to make Vicki feel better. And then she’s truly, truly unamused when Scott kisses her and then reveals that Gopher paid him to do so.

Seriously, poor Vicki! I relate to Vicki more than to Julie because I’ve never been a cruise director but I have been a teenager. I will never understand how the Captain is getting away with raising his daughter on a cruise ship. I can see where it would sometimes for fun for Vicki but doesn’t she miss having friends her own age? Doesn’t she wish she could explore something other than the Aloha Deck? This storyline once again reminded the viewer that Vicki really deserves a life on the mainland.

As for the other two stories, Paul Reese (Jared Martin) is a publishing executive who wants to sign an author named Gus Dolan (Alan Hale, Jr.). Gus is known for his tough crime novels. In order to get close to Gus, Paul strikes up a romance with Gus’s daughter, Kathy (Georgia Engel). Kathy is upset when she discovers that Paul works in publishing but, when Paul throws away the contact that he just got Gus to sign, she realizes that Paul does love her. And then Paul discovers that Kathy is the one who is actually writing Gus’s books. This storyline featured a good performance from Alan Hale, Jr. but there was next to zero romantic sparks between Jared Martin and Georgia Engel.

Meanwhile, Brian (Paul Williams) and Lenore (Joanna Pettet) searched the ship for a secret treasure and fell in love. Isaac’s cabin got ransacked twice. This was a pretty boring story and one of the biggest parts of it — Captain Stubing telling Brian and Lenore not to disturb anyone else’s cabin — took place off-screen.

So, this cruise left me feeling very sorry for Vicki and also for poor Gus Dolan. Vicki wants friends her own age. Gus wants to be a real writer. Not all dreams come true, even on the Love Boat.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.19 “New York, A.C./Live It Up/All’s Fair in Love and War”

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come aboard, we’re expecting you!

Episode 5.19 “New York, A.C./Live It Up/All’s Fair in Love and War”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 20th, 1982)

Poor Captain Stubing! He’s just returned from burying an old friend named George and now, he’s thinking about his own mortality. When he starts to feel unwell, Stubing goes to Dr. Bricker who tells Stubing that his problems are not physical. The problem is that …. STUBING’S DEPRESSED! Stubing decides to live each day to the fullest and good for him. This was a simple storyline but I liked it. I always appreciate the episodes that allow Stubing to be vulnerable without turning him into a hard-luck doofus. In this episode, Stubing was dealing with something that almost everyone has either had to or will deal with at some point in their life. It was also nice to see Doc Bricker giving good advice for once. Bernie Kopell is so likable in the role that I always appreciate it when he gets to play Doc as being something other than a lech.

As for the other two stories …. agck!

Three New York friends (played by former teen idols Eddie Byrnes, Fabian, and Bobby Sherman) have boarded the cruise. They are members of the Alimony Club. They’re all divorced and they’ve all sworn that they’ll keep each other from marrying again. They are a club that believes all marriages are doomed to failure. But when Sherman’s ex-wife, Annette Funicello, boards the boat, it looks like the Alimony Club might lose a member. And listen, I know that guys have their little rituals and their little clubs and that’s okay. But the Alimony Club just feels weird. It should be called the Misery Club because they seem to be more interested in keeping Bobby Sherman depressed than anything else. I always find it odd when previously divorced couples get back together on The Love Boat. I mean, did they forget why they got divorced in the first place?

Meanwhile, Jill St. John and Ron Ely have been having an affair for four years. Every 12 months, they get together for a romantic getaway. Ron says he can’t marry Jill because he’s married and has children back home. (*cough* jerk *cough*) Jill, who really could do better, insists that Ron leave his wife. She even has her brother board the cruise and flirt with her (*cough* Oh my Gosh, creepy! *cough*) to make Ron jealous. Ron gets jealous, alright. He beats up Jill’s brother and then reveals that he was lying about having a wife. He’s not married …. he’s scared of commitment! And now he’s ready to get married! Uhmmm …. like seriously, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!? (I gave up cursing for Lent.) Jill — you were a BOND GIRL! You were TIFFANY FREAKING CASE! YOU CAN DO BETTER!

Oy vey, this episode.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

Posted on February 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Julie wears a wig!

Episode 5.16 “Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on January 30th, 1982)

“Where’s Julie?” Captain Stubing demands and he’s got good reason. The Love Boat is only a few minutes away from setting sail. The passengers are checking in and being given directions to their cabins. And yet, Julie McCoy — the cruise director — is nowhere to be seen!

Fire him, Captain! Seriously, she’s been erratic this entire season and she seems to have a permanent cold so it’s time to get a new cruise director.

Julie shows up at the last minute. She reveals that she’s late because she went to see her hair dresser. And now, she’s a platinum blonde! She says that she’s proud of her new look. The rest of the crew pretends to like it. As for those of us watching, it’s hard not to notice that Julie is actually just wearing a very obvious wig.

Watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that, according to a documentary about the show that I recently watched on Tubi, Lauren Tewes was dealing with a fairly serious cocaine problem during the fifth season. I don’t say that suggest anything bad about Lauren Tewes. From what I’ve read, cocaine was everywhere in the 80s and she’s hardly the only performer from the time to get into trouble with it. (Tewes, it should be noted, went to rehab and cleaned herself up.) Instead, I point that out because a lot of Julie’s actions during the fifth season seem as if they’re best explained by Julie being under the influence. The moodiness, the impulsivity, the fact that she suddenly doesn’t seem to be all that focused on her job, I think Julie had a problem! Her hair isn’t platinum blonde. It’s cocaine white!

Gopher eventually works up the courage to tell her that her new hair color is not flattering. (And, to be honest, he’s right.) Gopher gives her some hair dye that he picked up — uh oh! — and Julie uses it — JULIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? — and she wakes up the next morning with green hair. Julie spends the rest of the cruise in her cabin while the rest of the crew feels guilty. Even Vicki has a hard time talking to Julie with her green hair. Then the rest of the cruse decides to die their hair green in solidarity with Julie, just to discover hat Julie’s hair has gone back to its natural color….

Yeah, it’s silly but I kind of enjoyed the storyline. I like stories about the crew and the members of the cast had enough chemistry that they could even carry a story as silly as this one. They’re a fun group to watch.

As for the other two stories, Lynda Day George boards the ship with her hyperactive son (a young Corey Feldman). She meets a high school coach (John Philip Law) who is not scared by her son. This was a predictable story but I’m a horror fan and an Italian movie fan so seeing George, Feldman, and Law interacting made up for any narrative flaws.

The third story starred Bert Convy and Tanya Roberts and it was about reincarnation. I don’t believe reincarnation, mostly because people who claim to remember their past lives never remember anything boring. Instead, they always remember being members of French royalty or the mistress of a Spanish pirate. As for this story, Convy lies and tries to convince Roberts that they were lovers in a past life. But then he has black-and-white visions of a chandelier falling on Roberts. Maybe they were once lovers at another time! Honestly, who cares?

This was an above average cruise. I’m glad Julie finally took off that wig.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.12 “Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy”

Posted on January 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance….

Episode 5.12 “Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on December 12th, 1981)

Captain Stubing notices that Vicki seems to be depressed. He asks his crew if they have any idea what’s wrong with her.

Actually, he could have just asked me. Why is Vicki depressed? Maybe it’s because she’s a teenage girl who spends all of her time on a boat surrounded by people who are all at least twenty to thirty years older than her? Maybe it’s because she doesn’t have any friends her own age? Maybe it’s because Julie’s now too coked up to be the surrogate mother figure that she was during the previous two seasons? Seriously, there’s a lot reasons why Vicki might be depressed but they all have on solution. Let Vicki go to school on the mainland and allow her to have some friends her own age!

The crew, however, thinks that the Captain should just hire Vicki to be his secretary. Stubing agrees. Vicki is happy to have a job and she immediately does the exact same thing that I would do under those circumstances. She rearranges the captain’s entire office. The Captain can’t find anything but personally, I think his office does look better once everything has been straightened up. A messy office leads to a messy mind and, on a cruise ship, a messy mind can lead to a collision with an ice berg.

Vicki then issues a cheerful memo, telling all the members of the crew that they should give the Captain a daily run-down of their plans for the day. Again, I think that makes total sense. The crew, however, is outraged. The Captain is worried that Vicki is taking her position too seriously but he doesn’t know how to fire her. (When did Captain Stubing become a wimp? This is a weird episode.) The crew decides to give Vicki so much work that she’ll quite out of frustration but they discover that Vicki is determined to do a good job. No one knows what to do….

LET HER HAVE FRIENDS HER OWN AGE AND A NORMAL LIFE! THAT’S THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO!

Anyway, the overworked Vicki eventually falls asleep on the job. The Captain uses that as an excuse to fire her. Vicki smiles because she didn’t really enjoy the job in the first place. Usually, the relationship between the Captain and Vicki is one of the better elements of The Love Boat but this episode left me feeling really bad for Vicki. She’s really missing out on the best years of her life.

As for the other two stories, neither was very interesting. A bridge club made up of four widows takes the cruise and are shocked when one of them (played by Nanette Fabray) decides she would rather spend time with a handsome dentist (Robert Alda) than play bridge. My question here is why would you spend money to play bridge on a cruise while you could just play at home for free. If you’re on a cruise, enjoy the scenery! Don’t just play bridge. Meanwhile, Barry Styles (Jim Trent) pretended to be a big believer in celibacy in order to get “ice queen” Linda Trent (Carlee Watkins) to fall for him. Doc and Gopher made a bet on whether or not he would be successful. DOC! GOPHER! You two know you’re better than that!

This week’s cruise was just sad. The bridge club wasted a lot of money. Linda was the center of a misogynistic bet. Vicki is still going to be lonely and depressed next week. What a sad trip on The Love Boat.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.8 and 5.9 “Farnsworth’s Fling/Three in a Bed/I Remember Helen/Merrill, Melanie & Melanesia/Gopher Farnsworth Smith”

Posted on December 4, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we have a two-hour special!

Episodes 5.8 and 5.9 “Farnsworth’s Fling/Three in a Bed/I Remember Helen/Merrill, Melanie & Melanesia/Gopher Farnsworth Smith”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on November 21st, 1981)

The Love Boat crew is back in Australia, sailing from Sydney to Fiji and back again. The Captain remembers his time in the Navy and a lost love who he met while serving in the South Pacific. Julie remembers her love affair with Tony and how he left her at the altar after he discovered that he was dying. Anthony Andrews, who played Tony, is listed as being a guest star on this episode but he only appears in archival footage. Tony, we learn, has died but his brother, David (Brendon Lunney), assures Julie that her letters to him provided him with much comfort during his final days.

(David only appears for a minute or two, when Julie visits the animal preserve where Tony worked. Still, in that minute, he and Julie have so much chemistry that I found myself hoping that David would spontaneously propose to her.)

As for the cruise, the majority of the cabins are populated by the relatives of William Otis Farnsworth (Lloyd Bridges). Farnsworth is one of the richest men in the world and he’s taking a cruise with his entire family because he wants to see who is truly worthy of inheriting his fortune. The ship is full of people looking to get rich, including:

Jenny (Moran Fairchild) and Bud Boyer (Grant Goodeve), who are hoping that William will not discover that they’ve recently gotten divorced,
Hazel (Patti MacLeod) and Frank Fransworth (Russell Newman), who hope that Hazel imitating William’s deceased wife will cause William to mention them favorably in his will,
Marcia (Jessica Walter), who was married to William’s brother and who has basically hired gold digger Jessica Halberson (Linda Evans) to seduce and marry William, and
Burl “Gopher” Smith, who thinks that he might be distantly related to William and who, with Isaac’s encouragement, tries to get close to William. Gopher even calls his mother (Ethel Merman) to find out if he’s a relative. She’s not much help.

Not interested in the money is William’s niece, Eloise (Beth Howland). Eloise, who is William’s administrative assistant, finds herself falling in love with William’s valet, country boy Wayne Burton (Jim Nabors). Words cannot begin to express just how annoying Jim Nabors is in this episode. “Surprise surprise surpise!” Wayne says when he shows up on the boat. “Golly!” Wayne says when a conscience-stricken Jessica tries to break up with William. I found myself covering my ears whenever Nabors appeared on screen.

The main problem here is that none of these people are remotely likable. Not even William Farnsworth is likable. He’s meant to be likable but really, he comes across as being a judgmental jerk. When Jessica tries to leave the ship and fly back to Sidney, William reacts by buying every single plane ticket on the island. Jessica can’t leave but hey …. neither can anyone else!

Far more likable was Melanie (Margaret Laurence), the daughter of the Captain’s former lover, Madeleine. Melanie is a dead-ringer for her mother and the Captain falls in love with her. Melanie also falls in love with him. She proposes marriage. Awwww! But then she realizes marrying the Captain would mean abandoning her job as a teacher so she calls the wedding off. So now, both the Captain and Julie have had their heart broken in Australia. At least they now have something to bond over.

For a two-hour episode, there really wasn’t much plot to this episode. It was largely a travelogue. There were a lot of kangaroos and koala bears and they were certainly cute. The scenery was lovely. Otherwise, this was a cruise full of rather unlikable people. Australia deserved better.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”

Posted on November 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance!

Episode 5.6 “Chef’s Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on October 7th, 1981)

As the passengers board the boat and prepare to set sail, Isaac and Vicki can’t help but notice Gertrude Turner (Trish Noble) and Kurt Kleinschmidt (Siegfried van Kapelhoff). Gertrude is rich, single, and wearing a very valuable ring. Kleinschmidt is a German insurance agent who Gertrude has hired to guard her jewelry, though she later reveals that she’s not really that worried about her jewels but instead, she just enjoys Kleinschmidt’s company.

“That man looks just like Doctor Bricker!” Isaac says.

And yes, it must be said that, despite his thick German accent, Siegfried van Kapelhoff, the actor playing Kleinschmidt, does indeed look a lot like Bernie Kopell, the actor who played Doc Bricker. They’re both tall, thin, in their early 40s, and they even have the same hair color and bone structure. What are the chances of that happening? I mean, seriously….

Wait a minute….

THAT’S NOT SIEGFRIED VAN KAPELHOFF AT ALL!

Just as Gavin MacLeod used to do whenever one of Stubing’s brothers boarded the boat, this episode finds Bernie Kopell playing two roles. Not only does he play Doc Bricker but he also play Kleinschmidt. And yes, there is a scene where Kleinschmidt talks to Doc Bricker. It’s done via split screen and it’s not at all convincing. Bricker doesn’t even appear to be looking at Kleinschmidt while talking to him.

Gertrude’s ring does vanish at one point, which leads to Kleinschmidt interrogating the crew and eventually attempting to arrest Gopher. Of course, the truth of the matter is that Gertrude herself hid the ring so that Kleinschmidt would stay on the boat with her. (Kleinschmidt, feeling insecure about his detective abilities, was originally planning on flying home as soon as the boat docked in Mexico.) When Stubing learns that Gertrude faked the robbery, he is surprisingly understanding, despite the fact that doing so led to Kleinschmidt harassing his entire crew. I’m not sure that I really bought Stubing’s reaction but maybe he just thought Kleinschmidt was Doc in disguise.

The Kleinschmidt story was far more amusing than it really had any right being. That was almost totally due to Bernie Kopell, who seemed to really enjoy the chance to play such an over-the-top character. Kleinschmidt was definitely a bit cartoonish but Kopell’s likability went a long way towards making the character’s stupidity not just tolerable but also kind of sweet.

While all that’s going on, the Love Boat’s chef (Jay Johnson) gets upset when a new chef (Leslie Easterbrook) is hired to work in the kitchen with him. This storyline requires the audience to believe that 1) no one would bother to warn the original chef that he’s getting a new colleague and 2) that the new chef would risk ruining her reputation just to avoid hurting her predecessor’s feelings. The less said about this story the better.

Finally, Jenny Langley (Joan Fontaine) boards the cruise and is stunned to see that her former lover, Stan Ellis (Richard Basehart), is on the boat. Jenny and Stan haven’t seen each other since the end of World War II. Now, Stan is a widower who has been in a wheelchair ever since the car accident that killed his wife. Jenny tries to help Stan come out of his shell and find the courage to embrace life. Stan is resistant but finally comes around. But when Stan asks Jenny to marry him, Jenny refuses. Jenny is going blind. Stan, however, doesn’t care about that. And, also …. Stan can walk! It turns out that his paralysis was just psychosomatic.

This storyline was one that I probably would have liked better if I hadn’t found myself thinking about my Dad whenever Stan was onscreen. (Before he died, my Dad was also in a wheelchair as the result of a traffic accident.) I will say that Joan Fontaine is wonderful in her role. This storyline was handled well but right now, the pain of losing my Dad is still too fresh for me to have really enjoyed it. That said, Fontaine and Basehart were old pros at this type of melodrama and this storyline had a lot to offer fans of old school romance. This was definitely a storyline for the TCM crowd and I mean that as a compliment!

With two stories that worked and a third one that wasn’t too much of a distraction, this was a worthwhile cruise.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

Posted on October 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 4 comes to an end!

Episode 4.28 “Tony and Julie/Separate Beds/America’s Sweetheart”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 16th, 1981)

Wedding bells are in the air!

Carl Mitchell (William Christopher) boards the boat without his wife. As he explains to Gopher and Isaac, he was married when he booked the cruise but now he’s not married because his wife was too much of a slob. However, Carl is still determined to take his cruise and enjoy himself. As soon as Carl goes off to find his cabin, his wife, Lynn (Toni Tennille), boards the ship and tells Gopher and Isaac that she just broke up with her neat freak husband but she’s determined to go ahead and take the cruise that they booked before their break-up.

Carl and Lynn are not happy to discover that they’re both on the cruise and that they’re sharing a cabin. Carl wants to date a younger woman. Lynn flirts with Doc Bricker. Of course, Carl and Lynne are still in love with each other. Lynn decides to win Carl back by cleaning up the cabin. Carl decides to win back Lynn by messing the cabin up. It’s like the most pointless story that O. Henry never wrote. The important thing is that Carl and Lynn decide to give their marriage another chance.

(Personally, I couldn’t live with someone messy. And Lynn really does just toss stuff all over the place. I think they should get a divorce.)

While this is going on, Vicki is super-excited when her favorite actress, Becky Daniels (Alison Angrim), boards the boat. But Becky is actually a spoiled brat and, when she hires Vicki to serve as her stand-in for a movie that’s being shot on the boat, she goes out of her way to make sure that Vicki is humiliated. Vicki is briefly disillusioned with Hollywood, until Becky apologizes and she and Vicki become friends. Okay, then. Glad that worked out!

Meanwhile, Julie is late arriving at the boat because she’s been busy visiting her aunt (a glowering Nancy Kulp). She even gets into an argument over a cab with Tony Selkirk (Anthony Andrews), a veterinarian. Julie wins the argument and the cab but imagine her shock when Tony turns out to be a passenger on the boat! She’s even more shocked when she sees Tony walking around with two chimpanzees. Of course, as you’ve probably already guessed, Tony and Julie fall in love. And Tony asks Julie to marry him. And Julie says yes!

And that’s where season 4 ends.

Is this the end of Julie’s tenure as cruise director? I guess we’ll find out next week. As for this episode, it was pleasant-enough way to end the fourth season. The stories did not particularly interest me but the Love Boat crew has become a strong enough ensemble that the show is no longer as dependent on its guest stars as it used to be. This episode, I enjoyed watching the crew more than the passengers. Seriously, I want to take a cruise now.

Next week, we start season 5!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.24 “That Old Gang of Mine/Love with a Skinny Stranger/Vicki and the Gambler”

Posted on September 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Vicki learns how to gamble.

Episode 4.24 “That Old Gang of Mine/Love with a Skinny Stranger/Vicki and the Gambler”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on April 11th, 1981)

It’s an anniversary cruise!

Captain Stubing and Vicki are celebrating the anniversary of Vicki coming to live on the boat with her father. Captain Stubing has already picked out the gift that he’s going to give Vicki, a beautiful and valuable pearl necklace. As for Vicki, there’s a watch in the boat’s gift shop that she would love to give her father but she can’t afford it. Then again, Vicki is the Captain’s daughter. Can’t she just take whatever she wants? I mean, who is going to snitch on the Captain’s daughter? Add to that, it was only two weeks ago that the manager of the gift shop was juggling three lovers on one cuise. Who is she to judge anything Vicki might do?

Admirably, Vicki is an honest person and does not want to just steal something for her father. But when her father’s old friend, Wade Hubbard (Gene Barry), boards the ship, he shows Vicki that she can easily make enough money to buy the watch by betting on a horse race! Wade, it turns out, is a compulsive gambler and Vicki soon falls under his influence. Captain Stubing is not happy about that so Wade pretends to lose all of his money (and Vicki’s necklace!) in order to trick Vicki into not only hating him but also hating gambling.

You know, Wade and Captain Stubing could have just told Vicki not to gamble anymore. Vicki seems like she’s pretty smart and level-headed so I’m sure she would have listened if Wade and the Captain had just told her that they didn’t want her placing bets as a minor. Instead, Wade created an elaborate lie and basically traumatized Vicki for life. That seems a bit extreme to me but, then again, I don’t have a gambling problem.

As for the other passengers, Patty Beller (Vicki Lawrence) is stunned when she discovers that her long-distance boyfriend, Phil Manning (Charles Siebert), has spent the last month at a fat farm and is now totally athletic and handsome. Patty always took it for granted that Phil would only have eyes for her but suddenly, every other woman on the cruise appears to be trying to get his attention. This story would have perhaps worked better if Patty hadn’t come across as being so self-centered. Phil explains that he lost the weight because he was worried about his health and tired of people making fun of him. To me, it seems like Phil should be applauded for his self-discipline and his desire to make a better life for himself. Instead, Patty gets upset that Phil is taking care of himself. Seriously, Phil — you can do better!

Finally, three old-time crooks (Jack Gilford, Jesse White, and Kaye Ballard) board the cruise and make plans to rob the safe. That shouldn’t be too hard since Gopher is the person in charge of watching the safe. However, the crooks are all elderly and out-of-touch with life in the swinging 80s. The safecracker has gone deaf and needs someone else to listen as he turns the dial. It’s all a bit silly but it was kind of a sweet story, largely due to the performances of Gilford, White, and Ballard.

The safecracker’s story aside, this episode of The Love Boat was a bit of a sour ride. Between Wade lying to Vicki and Patty wishing that her boyfriend was at risk for heart disease, this just wasn’t a very likable cruise. Hopefully, next week will be a bit more fashionable. Considering that the upcoming episode guest stars Glorida Vanderbilt, Bob Mackie, and Halston, I imagine it will be.