Horror Film Review: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (dir by Dominique Othenin-Girard)

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh … dammit.

Hi everyone! We are currently in the process of our annual horrorthon here at the Shattered Lens so I thought it would be a good idea if me and some of my fellow writers reviewed all of the Halloween films! Arleigh already reviewed the original Halloween back in 2010 and I took a look at the first sequel in 2012. So, it just made perfect sense to me that we go ahead and take a look at the rest of the films in the series!

Yesterday, Case reviewed Halloween 4 and, later, he’ll be taking a look at Resurrection and H20. Jedadiah Leland is taking look at Halloween 6 tomorrow. So, that leaves me with … *sigh* Halloween 5.

BLEH!

Before we dive into the crapfest that was Halloween 5, let’s take a look at the trailer! It’ll be fun!

The trailer’s actually fairly effective. I have to wonder how many people, way back in 1989, were fooled into seeing this film as a result of this trailer? I imagine probably more than who are willing to admit it. Paying money to see Halloween 5 doesn’t seem like something anyone would want to brag about.

Halloween 5 is the one that has the dumb cops. Now, I know that every Halloween film seems to feature at least a few dumb cops but the ones in Halloween 5 are really dumb. And they get their own theme music! That’s right — whenever these two dumb cops show up on screen, comedic circus music plays. Needless to say, it’s woefully out of place in a horror movie. I read that this was apparently meant to be an homage to the dumb cops from the original Last House On the Left. This despite the fact that … EVERYONE HATED THE DUMB COPS IN LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT!!! Even Wes Craven later said that the dumb cops were a mistake! If you’re going to rip off (or pay homage) to another movie, don’t pay homage to the part that sucked!

Anyway, you may remember that Halloween 4 ended with Jamie (Danielle Harris) attacking her mother and holding a knife. Uh-oh, looks like Jamie’s going to be a murderer! Well, no — that would have been too interesting. Halloween 5 finds Jamie being committed to a mental hospital for a year while Michael Myers (Don Shanks) is in a coma. Michael eventually comes out of his coma and starts stalking Jamie all over again.

Once again, Dr. Loomis (a depressingly frail Donald Pleasence) is one of the few people who realizes that Michael is still alive and once again, nobody is willing to listen to him. Here’s the thing: Dr. Loomis may be kinda crazy and yes, all the scars are kinda disturbing but he’s been right every single freaking time in the past. I understand that the people of Haddonfield are kind of in denial about Michael but this is just getting ridiculous.

Rachel Carrathurs (Ellie Cornell) returns for this movie but she gets killed early on. Apparently, she was killed so that the audience would know that anyone could be killed and that nobody was safe but Rachel was such a strong character and Ellie Cornell did such a good job playing her in the previous film that you really feel her absence in Halloween 5. Her death leaves a void that the film fails to adequately fill. Add to that, if you insist on killing a kickass character like Rachel, at least give her a memorable death scene. Don’t just have her blithely wandering around the house half-naked until she suddenly gets stabbed, as if she was just some generic slasher victim and not the lead of the previous movie.

With Rachel dead, it now falls to her amazingly annoying best friend, Tina (Wendy Kaplan), to serve as Jamie’s protector. Tina is hyperactive and talkative and quirky and blah blah blah. Basically, she’s like that person who is really annoying but since you’ve known her since the third grade, you feel obligated to hang out with her.

It all leads to another big Halloween party and few rather bloodless deaths. It’s all pretty boring, to be honest. There is one good scene where Michael chases Jamie in a car (the headlights cutting through the darkness create a wonderfully eerie effect) but, otherwise, it’s depressingly generic.

In the end, Michael is captured and put in a jail cell. Fortunately, a mysterious man in black shows up and breaks him out. Gee, I wonder what that’s about?

Halloween 5 is undoubtedly the worst of the Halloween films.

Bleh!

4 Shots From Horror History: Final Destination, The Others, 28 Days Later, Bubba Ho-Tep

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 Shots From 4 Films. I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.

Welcome to the 21st Century!

4 Shots From 4 Films

Final Destination (2000, dir by James Wong)

The Others (2001, dir by Alejandro Amenabar)

28 Days Later (2002, dir by Danny Boyle)

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002, dir by Don Coscarelli)

Horror on the Lens: Dementia 13 (dir by Francis Ford Coppola)

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(I originally shared this film back in 2011 — can you believe we’ve been doing this for that long? — but the YouTube vid was taken down. So, I’m resharing it today!)

For today’s excursion into the world of public domain horror, I offer up the film debut of Francis Ford Coppola. Before Coppola directed the Godfathers and Apocalypse Now, he directed a low-budget, black-and-white thriller that was called Dementia 13. (Though, in a sign of things to come, producer Roger Corman and Coppola ended up disagreeing on the film’s final cut and Corman reportedly brought in director Jack Hill to film and, in some cases, re-film additional scenes.)

Regardless of whether the credit should go to Coppola, Corman, or Hill, Dementia 13 is a brutally effective little film that is full of moody photography and which clearly served as an influence on the slasher films that would follow it in the future. Speaking of influence,Dementia 13 itself is obviously influenced by the Italian giallo films that, in 1963, were just now starting to make their way into the drive-ins and grindhouses of America.

In the cast, keep an eye out for Patrick Magee, who later appeared as Mr. Alexander in A Clockwork Orange as well as giving a memorable performance in Lucio Fulci’s The Black Cat. Luana Anders, who plays the duplicitous wife in this film, showed up in just about every other exploitation film made in the 60s and yes, the scene where she’s swimming freaks me out to no end.

(One final note: I just love the title Dementia 13. Seriously, is that a great one or what?)

4 Shots From Horror History: I Know What You Did Last Summer, Vampires, The Sixth Sense, The Blair Witch Project

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, we complete the 90s!

4 Shots From 4 Films

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997, dir by Jim Gillepsie)

Vampires (1998, dir by John Carpenter)

The Sixth Sense (1999, dir by M. Night Shyamalan)

The Blair Witch Project (1999, dir by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez)

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers; ALT Title: Anybody seen my pants? Really, I’m cold.

Posted on October 26, 2016 by casewright

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We open in rural …. Iowa? Illinois? Middlewest? We see lots of ramshackle farms and shitty halloween decorations, but that’s not all… there’s also a prison for the criminally insane. Apparently, it’s time to move Michael Myers from his basement asylum Hell to somewhere….else. MM is put in an ambulance for transport and proceeds to wake and stick his thumb through a man’s skull. I get it- MM is pissed, but why didn’t he use his thumb powers to get out of the prison basement?! Oops, I forgot to take my stupid pills….ahhhhh…. this is GENIUS!!!

We are in a suburban home and we meet Jaime who is the orphaned child of Jamie Lee Curtis AKA MM’s Niece. She is having all kinds of disturbing hallucinations of MM coming to get her. Her adoptive sister Rachel is not much help. She whines about babysitting her sister Jaime because she wants to be the latest conquest of the massively eye browed Brady.

Enter Donald Pleasance (DP). He’s all scarred up from his previous MM run-ins and limps his way to the Prison Administrator. They go back and forth: DP: MM is evil. Administrator: No, you are. DP: He’ll kill everyone. Administrator: You’ll kill everyone. DP: I’m evil. Administrator: No! MM is evi…. You got me! Phone Rings: MM has escaped.

MM has found a Diner/Gas Station who’s decor is wall to wall Abe Lincoln pictures. MM who is evil, and apparently a closeted supporter of John Wilkes Booth, kills everyone there. Donald Pleasance arrives and tries to kill MM and fails. MM steals a tow truck and drives off to Haddonfield, Illinois to purportedly kill his niece Jaime. DP is stranded and is forced to hitch rides.

Jaime is being bullied at school. Rachel picks her up to get a costume for Halloween, which you’d think would be this town’s least favorite holiday, but NOPE. They arrive at a drug store where one of the clerks is Kathleen Kinmont- the Sheriff’s daughter- who really really wants to sleep with Brady and Rachel is oblivious to this.

Rachel takes Jaime trick or treating and Brady decides to pork Kathleen Kinmont (KK) and gets totally busted when Rachel rings the bell and KK answers the door for some reason and for another some reason doesn’t have any pants on! Brady is in the background and no one seems phased that KK is without pants for 45 more minutes of the film. This cheating distracts Rachel, leaving Jaime on her own.

DP goes to the Haddonfield Sheriff and convinces him that MM has RETURNED!!! He lets the town know and a beer addled Drunken Posse forms. These men are beer fueled, shotgun toting, drunkards going on an MM hunt!!

The Drunk Posse thinks they’ve spotted MM, but they just shot up and murder a sleeping drunk guy. OOPS!

The Sheriff and DP find the police station filled with dead cops. They go outside and find Jaime and Rachel. They take the remaining police force to his house to make a last stand. This is where is gets weird…. Brady and KK are trying to pork and are interrupted by her dad the Sheriff and his deputy. KK never puts on pants even when her dad and his co-workers arrive. It could be a pants allergy. The Deputy proceeds to sit in a rocking chair…yep…a rocking chair. Huh? I was in the Army for a long time; I learned how to breach a building, hold a fixed position, and look awesome in Green, but I was never taught the Rocking Chair maneuver. Maybe, that was just for Delta Force guys.

Brady tries to board up the house a bit. KK checks on the deputy, but he’s dead. Looks like Myers did kill the DEP U TEE!!! [sung] Then, MM kills KK- She’s now pantsless forever with the angels in heaven. Jaime is upstairs with Rachel and MM goes after her. Brady tries to stop him, but MM kills him too. MM has more urge to kill than a person who had to sit through a 3 hour timeshare presentation.

The girls manage to escape: Jaime by being lowered slowly down from the roof and Rachel much more quickly by falling off the roof. They run for the school and MM pursues them. The Drunken Posse arrives and manages to not kill themselves or others for this scene only. They take the girls in the truck and drive away to safety …. or so they think!!! MM climbs up from under the truck Indiana Jones style and kills all of the Drunken Posse. Rachel takes the truck and slams on the brakes to get MM to fly off of the roof of the truck. She then runs him over. The Sheriff and some extras arrive to shoot up MM. Jaime goes to the now deceased MM and touches his corpse.

They go home and Jaime dresses up as a clown like MM did in Halloween 1 and stabs her adoptive mom to death. The End.

This is the most analysis this film has ever received or should, but it’s Halloween time. Thanks for enjoying this terrible film with me. Remember, as always, if you like my work, tell my boss Lisa Marie Bowman!!!

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Reblog: Lisa’s Thoughts on Halloween II (directed by Rick Rosenthal)

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

And now that you’ve re-read Arleigh’s review of the original Halloween, why not check out my review of the original Halloween II? This was originally published in 2012! After reading this, be sure to check back in about 90 minutes for Case’s review of Halloween 4! And then come back on Thursday for Halloween 5! (Where’s Halloween 3? It will be dealt with as soon as we finish the saga of Michael Myers…)

Through the Shattered Lens

Last night, I watched Halloween II. No, I’m not referring to the rather disturbing Rob Zombie movie that came out in 2009. Instead, this Halloween II was the original sequel to the original Halloween. This version was written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill. It was released in 1981 and I saw it in 2012, via Cinemax.

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it’s October, of course! It’s horror month and Halloween is one of the great horror movies. Would Halloween II turn out to be another great horror movie? Well, to be honest, I figured it probably wouldn’t but I decided to watch it anyway.

What Was It About?

Halloween II picks up exactly from where the first Halloween ended. The sole surviving babysitter, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), is being rushed to the hospital by two paramedics, one nice (Lance Guest) and one kinda crude and pervy (Leo Rossi). …

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Horror on the Lens: The Hearse (dir by George Bowers)

Posted on October 26, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror on the Lens in 1980’s The Hearse!

You can read my review here and you can watch it below!

Enjoy!

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Hell High (dir by Douglas Grossman)

Posted on October 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Don’t go to the swamp tonight, indeed!

Actually, that’s pretty good advice in general. Swamps are dangerous. They’re full of malaria-carrying flies and crocodiles and ghosts of angry Cajuns. Of course, none of those show up in the 1989 slasher film Hell High. In fact, there’s only one scene set in a swamp and that scene happens during the day.

It involves a little girl who is out in the swamp, playing with her doll and watching two teenage lovers get killed as the result of a macabre motorcycle accident. It’s a pretty disturbing sight, especially since one of the lovers ends up getting impaled and spitting blood all over the place. BLEH!

Anyway, that girl grows up to be a high school science teacher named Brooke Storm (Maureen Mooney). She’s a good teacher but she’s also extremely repressed and haunted by the image of that impaled girl spitting up blood. Unfortunately, one of her students is a sociopath named Dickens (Christopher Stryker). Dickens is the type of student who goes to football games just so he can threaten the injured players with a gigantic switchblade. Oddly, no one seems to notice Dickens standing on the sidelines, holding a gigantic knife over a helpless jock. At first I thought that this meant that Dickens was meant to be either a ghost or a figment of someone’s imagination but no, Dickens is real. I guess people are just so used to being threatened by Dickens that no one even notices anymore.

Anyway, Dickens has three friends. Queenie (Millie Prezioso) is the tough girl who bares her breasts to anyone who stops by her house. Smiler (Jason Brill) is the fat guy who is always smiling, no matter how upset he is. Smiler continually says things like, “What’s gotten into that Dickens?” and “My mamma said there’d be days like this.” And then there’s Jon-Jon (Christopher Cousins). Jon-Jon is Dickens’s newest friend. Jon-Jon’s a good kid but a little weak-willed. He’s got a crush on Queenie and Dickens seems to have a crush on him.

Anyway, Dickens and his friends decide to play a prank on Miss Storm but, in the process of doing so, they cause her to have flashbacks to that day in the swamp. And soon, Miss Storm is stalking all four of them. How dangerous is Miss Storm? Well, she’s dangerous enough that she can kill you with a number two pencil. You think Liam Neeson was a creative and relentless killing machine in Taken? He’s got nothing on Brooke Storm!

Anyway, Hell High is kind of an oddity. On the one hand, it’s pretty much a standard slasher film. On the other hand, the film has just enough strange moments to distinguish it. Yes, there’s Dickens with the knife on the football field. But there’s also Smiler with his nonstop grin. And Queenie with her relentless mood swings. And there’s the strangely 0ff-kilter dialogue, which is full of random song lyrics. And then there’s the film’s twist ending, which makes little sense but it is still satisfying in its own over the top way. Hell High is a thoroughly odd but undeniably effective 80s horror film.

A lot of the credit has to go to the film’s cast, all of whom give far better performances than the material really deserves. Maureen Mooney is both scary and sympathetic as poor Miss Storm while Christopher Cousins is likable as the somewhat weak-willed Jon-Jon. The film, however, is truly dominated by Christopher Stryker. Stryker goes all out as the crazy Dickens and it’s unfortunate that he died shortly after Hell High was released. Had he lived, he’d probably now be a Sid Haig-style character actor, popping up in indie horror movies and Quentin Tarantino films.

So, watch Hell High if you get a chance and definitely stay out of the swamp tonight!

Horror Film Review: Mortuary (dir by Howard Avedis)

Posted on October 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here! Watch the trailer for the 1983 slasher film, Mortuary!

(It’s the first trailer shown in the video below. Be sure to stick around for the Humongous trailer.)

OH MY GOD! That sure was scary, wasn’t it!? In case you didn’t recognize him, that was beloved horror character actor Michael Berryman getting dragged into that grave. No matter how bad the film was (or is), Michael Berryman was one of those actors who was always worth watching. Based on the trailer, Mortuary has got to be some sort of classic, right?

Well…no.

The trailer’s a classic but, unfortunately, it has nothing to do with the film. This isn’t just a case of scenes from the film being edited into the trailer in such a way that the audience is misled as to what’s actually going on in the movie. Almost all trailers do that…

No, the trailer for Mortuary contains literally no scenes from the actual film. Michael Berryman isn’t even in Mortuary!

But you know who is in the film?

BILL PAXTON!

That’s right … a very young Bill Paxton made his film debut in Mortuary. Even better, he got to play the killer! Now, I know you probably think that I just spoiled the film for you but seriously, Paxton is so obviously the murderer that it doesn’t really count as a spoiler. Paxton plays Paul Andrews, the teenage son of mortician, Hank Andrews (Christopher George). Everyone agrees that Paul is a little bit weird. Or, as someone says in the film, “Paul’s been so strange since his mother committed suicide.” Someone else agrees and then adds that it probably doesn’t help that apparently, Hank used to force Paul to sleep in the mortuary.

In the role of Paul, Paxton gives a very odd performance. I wouldn’t necessarily say that it’s a good performance and, if I ever meet Bill Paxton, I’m not going to bring this movie up. But seriously, Paxton’s performance is so weird that you can’t stop watching him. There’s a scene where he literally skips through a cemetery. He seems to be having fun and good for him!

Paul is a little obsessed with Christie (Mary Beth McDonough). Christie has been having issues since her father’s mysterious drowning. Everyone keeps telling Christie that her father just had an accident in the pool but the audience knows — via the first scene in the film — that her father was only in that pool because someone hit him with a baseball bat. Ever since her father’s death, Christie has been sleep walking and having night terrors. She demands that her boyfriend, Greg (David Wallace), help her find out what really happened to her father.

Greg, however, is still trying to figure out what happened to his best friend, Josh (Denis Mendel). Earlier, Greg and Josh broke into the mortuary so that they could steal a tire. Josh went off on his own and ended up getting stabbed to death with an embalming pipe. Greg never noticed because he was busy spying on what was apparently a black magic ceremony involving Hank and a coven of witches.

And one of the witches was … Christie’s mother, Eve (Lynda Day George)!

When Eve isn’t busy practicing the dark arts, she’s telling her daughter that she needs to get over her father’s death. Is Eve trying to drive Christie crazy? Does Hank know that Paul is homicidal? Will Greg ever figure out that Josh is dead?

And most importantly — will this film feature any disco roller skating!?

YOU BET IT DOES!

I’m probably making Mortuary sound more fun that it actually is. It’s actually a fairly slow-moving slasher film and neither Greg nor Christie are particularly interesting or likable. Still, the film features Bill Paxton skipping in a cemetery and that’s worth something.

If you’re willing to look, you can find Mortuary on YouTube, though I’ve been told that the version that was uploaded was the television version so some things have been cut out.

But you know who hasn’t been cut out?

BILL PAXTON, THAT’S WHO!