Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #1: Unwanted Guest (dir by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on November 14, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Thanksgiving, November 24th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

The first film that I watched in my latest quest to clean out my DVR was Unwanted Guest, a Lifetime film that I recorded off of the Lifetime Movie Network on October 22nd.

Unwanted Guest tells a familiar Lifetime story. A seemingly innocent and deceptively mousey college student, Amy (Kate Mansi), is invited to spend the holiday break at the home of her best friend, Christine (Valentina Novakovic). It seems like a nice thing to do, right? After all, Amy says that her family is in Europe and Christine is still struggling to adjust to having a new stepfather. Amy gets a place to stay and Christine gets a friend. It’s a win win, right?

Well, no, not quite.

When we first meet Amy, she’s wearing glasses, no makeup, and seems to be kind of meek. It doesn’t take a psychic to know that Amy will soon take off her glasses, let down her hair, and start wandering around in lingerie. However, even beyond that, Amy is soon drugging Christine, tricking Christine’s mother into falling off a stool, and seducing Christine’s stepfather.

(When he asks her why she’s wandering around the house in just a t-shirt, Amy replies, “If my shirt bothers you, I can take it off.”)

Of course, Amy’s not just manipulative. She’s also a murderer. In fact, it’s surprising the amount of people that she kills over the course of one holiday break. I always find it kind of odd how skilled people in Lifetime movies are when it comes to killing people. I mean, Amy even knows how to disable the brakes on someone’s car! I wouldn’t even know where to begin! I mean, how do you learn stuff like that? Wikipedia, I guess.

Of course, Amy doesn’t just kill people. There’s also a really icky scene where she kills a hamster. If you didn’t already dislike Amy, you will after the hamster scene.

Unwanted Guest is not just a Lifetime film. It’s also a Fred Olen Ray film and, even by his standards, it’s deliriously and wonderfully over-the-top. One thing that I always like about Fred Olen Ray’s films is that they make no excuses for what they are. Unwanted Guest is so unapologetically melodramatic and joyfully tawdry that it’s impossible not to enjoy it. This is one of those films that you watch and you think, “Surely, they’re not going to go there…” and then, suddenly and without apology, they do! It’s a lot of fun.

Add to that, Kate Mansi does a really good job in the role of Amy. If there’s a Hall of Fame for Lifetime movie psychos, Amy deserves to be included!

What Lisa Watched Last Night #159: Best-Selling Murder (dir by Michel Poulette)

Posted on November 13, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, after I watched Little Girl’s Secret, I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and I watched Best-Selling Murder!

Why Was I Watching It?

The obvious answer, of course, is that it was a Lifetime premiere and y’all know how much I love my Lifetime movies! But, even beyond that, there were two reasons why I made it a point to watch Best-Selling Murder.

1) Much as with Little Girl’s Secret, I was hoping that — by watching and live tweeting Best-Selling Murder — I could bring some joy to an otherwise depressed world. Unfortunately, I didn’t get much live tweeting done because it was late and I was kinda tired.

2) It was a murder mystery about a writer! I’m a writer and I’d love to solve a real-life murder mystery! Obviously, this would be a movie to which I would be able to relate.

What Was It About?

Hannah (Vanessa Ray) is an acclaimed author who has run out of ideas. Actually, not only has she run out of ideas, but she’s also now on the verge of running out of opportunities. Her publisher is dropping her. As they explain it, awards and accolades don’t mean anything. People wants novels about teenage vampires and middle-aged bondage.

Of course, that’s not all Hannah has to worry about. Her creep of an ex-husband has married and impregnated her former best friend. She has not one but two stalkers following her around. And she also appears to have something of a drinking problem!

However, things start to look up after she starts to channel her rage into a serialized series of stories, all of which deal with a serial killer named Bloody Mary. If you betray Bloody Mary, you get stabbed in the heart…

Suddenly, people who have betrayed Hannah start to turn up dead. And guess what? They’ve all been stabbed in the heart!

What Worked?

Everything worked! Pulpy, melodramatic, and occasionally a little silly, this movie was the epitome of everything that makes Lifetime great. Don’t worry about whether or not the plot makes any sense. Don’t worry if some of the twists come out of nowhere. Instead, just enjoy the ride.

Vanessa Ray was well-cast as Hannah. Not only was she a sympathetic protagonist but you also actually believed that she capable of being a somewhat respected author. I’m always extremely sensitive to how writers are portrayed in the movies. Vanessa Ray was never less than believable.

Considering the number of Lifetime films that I’ve seen, it’s not easy to take me by surprise but this film’s twisty plot kept me guessing.

What did Not Work?

There was nothing that didn’t work about this film. Best-Selling Murder is exactly the type of movie that we watch Lifetime for. It was a melodramatic, fun, and even surprising.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I always relate to any film about a writer, especially if that writer is dealing with the darker side of life. It’s true that I’ve never gotten to solve a murder but who knows what the future holds!

Lessons Learned

Don’t upset Bloody Mary.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #158: Little Girl’s Secret (dir by Dominic James)

Posted on November 13, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched Little Girl’s Secret on Lifetime!

Why Was I Watching It?

Oh my God, everyone’s so depressed right now!

Or, actually, I should say that almost everyone I know is depressed right now. Obviously, the entire country is not depressed about Donald Trump winning the election because 60,000,000 people voted for him and I assume that they’re all happy. But the 60,000,0000 who voted against him are all pretty depressed right now. And, even worse, a lot of them are blaming my generation because not many of us voted and quite a few of us decided to vote third party.

My twitter timeline is seriously dark right now.

So, I figured that maybe I could cheer some people up by doing one of my famous Lifetime movie live tweets! Looking to help heal a divided nation, I watched Little Girl’s Secret on Lifetime and I tweeted every single thought that popped into my head. I don’t know if I saved the world but I certainly did increase my Klout score.

What Was It About?

That’s a good question! This film left me thoroughly confused, though that may be because I’m currently spending the weekend at my uncle’s and, as I tried to watch and tweet, I was also having to deal with 100 hyperactive cousins.

As far as I could tell, here’s what was happening in the movie: Jean (Maria Bello) is an artist. Dave (Callum Keith Rennie) is a writer. Molly (Sophie Nelisse) is Jean’s teenage daughter. Heather (Isabelle Nelisse) is Dave’s daughter. Michael (William Dickinson) is someone’s son. I guess he’s Molly’s brother but it wasn’t always easy to keep track of how everyone was related. He could have been Dave’s son and Heather’s brother. It really doesn’t matter.

Anyway, in 1982, this family leaves Baltimore and moves into a new home — a former church that’s been turned into a house! There’s a cemetery out back. There are ruins nearby. There’s a ghostly apparition that appears occasionally. Heather, who doesn’t feel like she belongs in this reconstructed family, is soon spending all of her time talking to the apparition.

Meanwhile, Molly is having nightmares and she keeps seeing birds forming ominous shapes in the sky. (It’s kinda like in Take Shelter.) She also starts to hear noises in the dark and see ominous shadows in unlit rooms. Why doesn’t anyone ever turn on the lights?

What Worked?

It had its share of creepy moments. Molly’s dreams were always well-executed.

What Did Not Work?

This movie was so damn dark! I don’t mean thematically. I mean that it was often hard to see what was going on in the movie because it never seemed to occur to anyone to turn on a light! I get the point, of course. This was a horror movie and everyone’s scared of the dark. But, after a little while, the constant darkness went from being atmospheric to just being silly.

Maria Bello, a terrific actress, was pretty much wasted in a minor role.

I was going to complain about the film’s pacing but I think that has more to do with the fact that it premiered on Lifetime than anything else. It’s difficult to maintain suspense when you’re having to stop every few minutes for a commercial break.

And finally, the plot itself was overly complicated and not particularly easy to follow.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I related to Molly in quite a few scenes. I was a rebellious 14 year-old too.

Lessons Learned

TURN ON THE DAMN LIGHTS!

Here Are The 27 Films That Have Been Submitted For Best Animated Feature!

Posted on November 12, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!

I know that a lot of you are busy being depressed right now but fear not! Regardless of who won or who lost the last election, we still have Oscar season!

Oscar season is rapidly approaching and that means that it’s time to start trying to guess who and what will be nominated. Yesterday, the Academy released the names of the 27 films that have been submitted for Best Animated Feature!

Here they are:

The Angry Birds Movie,

April and the Extraordinary World,

Bilal,

Finding Dory,

Ice Age: Collision Course,

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV,

Kubo and the Two Strings,

Kung Fu Panda 3,

The Little Prince,

Long Way North,

Miss Hokusai,

Moana,

Monkey King: Hero Is Back,

Mune,

Mustafa and the Magician,

My Life As A Zucchini,

Phantom Boy,

The Red Turtle,

Sausage Party,

The Secret Life of Pets,

Sing,

Showtime!,

Storks,

Trolls,

25 April,

Your Name,

Zootopia

Myself, I’m hoping that Kubo and the Two String wins it all!

Film Review: Hacksaw Ridge (dir by Mel Gibson)

Posted on November 9, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

To be honest, Hacksaw Ridge is probably not the type of film that I would usually watch. I’m not a huge fan of war movies and the trailer really didn’t inspire much enthusiasm within me. However, ever since the film was released last Friday, it’s been the subject of some Oscar buzz and … well, you know me and the Oscars. There’s no easier way to get me to take a chance on a movie than to tell me that it might be nominated for an Oscar. I’m a completist, after all. If they’re going to nominate 8 to 10 movies for best picture, you better believe I’m going to make sure that I’ve seen all of them.

So, after voting yesterday, I saw Hacksaw Ridge and all I can say is, “Wow!” Hacksaw Ridge left me with tears in my eyes and feeling totally exhausted. This is one of those films that kind of sneaks up on you. I spent the first half of the film thinking to myself, “Okay, this is good and all but I still don’t see what the big deal is.” And then suddenly, that second half started and soon, I was totally struggling to catch my breath.

I’ll just say this right now: Hacksaw Ridge is one of the most powerful anti-war films that I’ve ever seen. It’s also an incredibly violent film, one that will leave non-veterans amazed at the number of ways that soldiers can be shot, stabbed, blown up, and set on fire. But, despite all the visceral action that plays out across the screen, Hacksaw Ridge never glorifies combat. It never glamorizes the destructive power of war. We may be happy when we see a certain soldier somehow manage to survive but we never find ourselves cheering. Instead, often times, we worry what awaits that soldier after the war. The combat in Hacksaw Ridge is so brutal and so terrifying that you find yourself wondering not only how anyone could survive but also how anyone could ever go on with “normal” life after seeing the horrors of war.

Hacksaw Ridge tells the true story of Desmond Doss, a conscientious objector who served, as a combat medic, in the U.S. Army during World War II. As a Seventh Day Adventist, Doss both refused to carry a rife and refused to train on the Sabbath. Despite all the efforts of both his sergeant and his captain to convince Doss to leave the service, Doss stayed in the Army, served in combat despite refusing to carry a rifle, and became the first C.O. to be awarded the Medal of Honor. In the film, Doss is played by Andrew Garfield, who is one of those extremely talented actors who has been miscast in several films. Fortunately, he’s perfect for Hacksaw Ridge. Though his rural accent occasionally slips, Garfield is convincing as both a relatively naive farmboy and a man of such strong convictions that he’s willing to risk being court martialed to uphold them. If Hacksaw Ridge is about Doss proving himself to his fellow soldiers, it’s also a film about Andrew Garfield, who is still perhaps best known for being awkwardly cast as Spiderman, proving himself as a unique and interesting actor.

Garfield pretty much dominates the film but a few of the supporting performers do manage to make an impression. Vince Vaughn is surprisingly effective as the tough and no-nonsense sergeant and Teresa Palmer is sympathetic as Doss’s wife. Hugo Weaving plays Doss’s alcoholic father, a man who is still haunted by what he saw during the first world war and he does a great job.

I know that some people are going to be hesitant about Hacksaw Ridge because it was directed by Mel Gibson but you know what? You may not expect Mel Gibson to direct one of the most searing anti-war films of the past decade but that’s exactly what he managed to do. It’s an important film, one that reminds us that war is neither fun nor an adventure. It’s a film that shows what our combat veterans had to deal with (and when we countless men lost their legs as the result of a Japanese rocket, it’s hard not to make the connection to the countless vets who have lost limbs in the Middle East) and, in its way, chastises a society that would abandon them after the war is over. If Doss, working on his own, was willing to put his life at risk to save 75 wounded soldiers, how can we, as a society, justify not taking care of our wounded veterans? Hacksaw Ridge is a film that works both as a tribute to our veterans and a reminder that the costs of war are all too real.

It’s a good and important film. I recommend the Hell out of it.

Film Review: Eddie the Eagle (dir by Dexter Fletcher)

Posted on November 9, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!

So. I’m guessing, after what happened last night, some of our readers might need something to cheer them up. If you’re a regular reader of this site, I’m going to imagine that you love movies. And, in your moment of uncertainty or whatever, you might want to watch a movie. And, of course, you’re asking yourself, “What does Lisa think I should watch?”

Well, I’ll be honest. My cinematic tastes tend to be rather dark. I like horror movies. I like movies with sad endings. I love brutal satire. I love movies that attack their audience and that dare you to look away. So, I might not be the best person to ask…

But you know what?

There actually is a movie that I can recommend to anyone who needs to be cheered up this week. Eddie the Eagle, which came out way back in February, is exactly the type of movie that you would expect an arthouse snob like me to dismiss. It’s a feel-good sports movie, one that is based on a true story but which also features a lot of composite characters and manufactured drama. No, Eddie the Eagle is perhaps not the type of film that you would expect me to enjoy but, when I finally got around to watching it a few days ago, I absolutely loved it!

Eddie the Eagle tells the story of Eddie Edwards (Taron Egerton), a somewhat eccentric Englishman who dreams of competing in the Winter Olympics, despite the fact that he’s not all that athletically inclined. When he’s turned down for a spot on the Olympic skiing team, Eddie decides to try to go to the Olympics as a ski jumper. Working to Eddie’s advantage is the fact that there are no other English ski jumpers. (We’re told that it’s been over 60 years since the UK even sent a ski jumper to the Olympics.) In theory, Eddie should be able to qualify for the Olympic team just by showing up. Working to Eddie’s disadvantage is the fact that the snooty British Olympic officials don’t want him to represent the UK in the Olympics.

Of course, there’s also the fact that Eddie has no experience as a ski jumper and only a few months to learn how to do it. And, if Eddie makes any mistakes during one of his jumps, he could easily be severely injured or perhaps even die.

Most people would probably just give up and find something practical to do with their life but not Eddie! Eddie has a dream and he’s going to achieve it, no matter what. Fortunately, Eddie finds a coach. Alcoholic Bronson Peary (Hugh Jackman) used to be a champion ski jumper but he’s spent the last few years drinking and being bitter. At first, Bronson doesn’t want anything to do with Eddie but eventually, Eddie wins him over with his sincerity and his refusal to give up. As Eddie explains to Bronson, he doesn’t care whether or not he wins a medal. He just wants to compete…

And really, it shouldn’t work. I should be complaining about how shamelessly manipulative this movie is. I should be making fun of the fact that it features almost every sports film cliché imaginable. But dammit, it’s such a sweet movie! Director Dexter Fletcher does a great job filming Eddie’s jumps (often times from his point of view) and Taron Egerton is so charmingly odd in the role that you can’t help but cheer whenever Eddie manages to land without crippling himself. Meanwhile, Hugh Jackman does a good job of grounding the movie in reality (which makes it all the more ironic that, unlike Egerton, Jackman is playing a fictional character). Add to that, this film features a somewhat random Christopher Walken cameo! Seriously, you’re sitting there and you’re thinking, “This is a good movie but I just wish Christopher Walken was here…” and then suddenly …. THERE’S CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!

Eddie the Eagle is a sweet and sincere burst of positivity. It’s the perfect antidote to 2016!

Film Review: Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories (dir by Nathan Thomas Milliner, P.J. Starks, James Treakle, Sean Blevins, John William Holt, Jon Maynard, and Justin M. Seaman)

Posted on November 5, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You may remember that, last year, I raved about an independent horror film called Volumes of Blood! Did you take my advice and track it down? DID YOU!? It’s available on Amazon and, if you haven’t seen it yet, you’re running behind because the sequel has just been released.

Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories opens with the following warning:

That warning pretty much tells you everything that you need to know. Full of clever references and call backs to previous horror films, Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories was made by people who love horror and it will be best appreciated by other horror lovers. Like the first film, it earns the title Volumes of Blood because the blood never stops flowing.

Like the first film, Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories is an anthology film, telling 8 different but inter-connected stories of gore and horror. Things start off with a nicely done little slasher parody called Murder Death Killer. Directed by Nathan Thomas Milliner, Murder Death Killer deals with three small-time crooks who make the mistake of visiting a junkyard that’s haunted by the vengeful spirit of Atticus Crow. Murder Death Killer is nicely directed, with Milliner exploiting that junkyard for every ounce of ominous atmosphere that it has. One of the crooks, Mr. Dawson, is played by Thomas Dunbar, an actor who gives off a welcome Sid Haig vibe.

Murder Death Killer is followed by Haters, which is directed by the film’s producer, P.J. Starks. Haters deals with two horror fans who, after watching a remake of Murder Death Killer (one that we’re told stars Vin Diesel and Eric Roberts), make the mistake of pissing off the wrong usher. Haters features many references to my favorite part of the first Volumes of Blood, a fictional movie called The Dewey Deathimal System.

The atmospheric and gory Trick or Treat (directed by Sean Blevins) picks up directly where the first Volumes of Blood ended, with the town of Owensboro, Kentucky coming to terms with the massacre at the local library and the first film’s mysterious murderer continuing to seek fresh victims. You’ll never look at candy corn the same way again.

Trick or Treat leads directly to Killer House (directed by James Treakle). A mysterious realtor (played by Christopher Bower) leads a couple on a tour through a mysterious house. The realtor is quite insistent on visiting the cellar but the couple wants to see the upstairs first. However, regardless of where the tour leads, each room triggers a different story. The highlight of Killer House is the wonderfully creepy performance of Christopher Bower.

Feeding Time (directed by John William Holt) is a nicely done little film about an insurance salesman who is desperate to make a sell on the day before Thanksgiving. The house that he visits doesn’t appear to be occupied by anyone other than a mysterious teenage girl (Shelby Taylor Mullins, giving a memorably off-key performance) who swear that there’s a monster in her closet.

In Blood Bath (directed by Jon Maynard), a man fears that his bathtub may have eaten both his wife and his best friend. Is the bathtub truly possessed or is the man just suffering the side effects from having forgotten to take his medicine? Blood Bath will keep you guessing.

Fear, For Sinners Here (directed by Nathan Thomas Milliner) was my personal favorite of all the stories in Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories. On Christmas Eve, Carol (Jessica Schroeder) sits in her living room and she wraps presents while melancholy Christmas music plays on a record player. Carol is wrapping toys for someone name “Joey.” She’s sad, sometimes crying and sometimes growing angry. I don’t want to spoil too much of this story, beyond saying that it’s superbly done. It starts as a poignant look at holiday depression but then there’s a twist and then another. Jessica Schroeder gives a great performance.

And finally, Death Day Party (directed by Justin M. Seaman) follows a seemingly sweet elderly couple as they celebrate a birthday in a definitely less than sweet way. Full of rude humor, Death Day Party will appeal to those with an appreciation for the morbid and macabre.

Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories ends with a dedication to Wes Craven, Angus Scrimm, Gunnar Hansen, and Herschell Gordon Lewis. It’s an appropriate dedication because Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories is a film made by people who love horror for viewers who love horror. Mixing humor with gore, Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories is a fun celebration of the macabre.

Happy Halloween From The Overlook Hotel!

Posted on October 31, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Come and play with us, Danny…

From 1980’s The Shining, of course!

Wonderful party, isn’t it?

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: 31 (dir by Rob Zombie)

Posted on October 31, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Are you scared of clowns? Sure, you are. All good people fear clowns. However, if you somehow do not find clowns to be frightening, you may change your mind after seeing Rob Zombie’s latest film, 31.

Of course, that’s assuming that you actually see 31. 31 is not a film for everyone. In fact, if you’re not a fan of Rob Zombie or his style of horror, you should probably stay miles away from 31. Bloody, intense, violent, and occasionally rather nihilistic, 31 is perhaps the Rob Zombiest of all the films that Rob Zombie has ever made.

However, if you’re a fan of extreme horror, you’ll appreciate 31. It may not always be easy to take but then again, that’s kind of the point.

The film takes place in the 70s, which means that it has a really kickass soundtrack. A group of carnival workers are driving across the desert in a van when they are attacked and kidnapped. They find themselves in a dark building, being lectured by three people who are dressed like 18th century French aristocrats. The leader of the aristocrats (played by Malcolm McDowell) informs them that they are going to playing a game called 31. For the next twelve hours, they will be locked away in a maze. They will be hunted by five murderous clowns.

Yes, you read that right. Not just one murderous clowns — FIVE! (Even worse, a sixth bonus clown eventually joins the game.)

If they can survive for 12 hours, they win. What do they win? Other than freedom, the film is never particular clear on this point. The motives of the aristocrats remain a mystery for the majority of the film. Are they just sadists, are they perhaps devote fans of The Purge who were so disappointed with Election Year that they decided to recreate the second film on their own, or is there some bigger reason behind this game of 31? The film leaves the question for us to answer.

The rest of the film is a collection of progressively more violent fights between the carnival workers and the clowns. For the most part, the carnival workers are all likable and you don’t want to see any of them harmed. The clowns, meanwhile, are just about the freakiest collection of killers that you’ve ever seen. When one of them is cornered, he pathetically begs, “We’re all pawns! We don’t want to do this!” but you never quite believe him. The deadliest of the clowns is Doom-Head (Richard Brake) and his evil smirk will give you nightmares.

31 is an incredibly intense film and it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. Everything from the acting to the set design to the costumes to David Daniel’s stark cinematography comes together to make 31 into a harrowing horror film. If you can’t stand Zombie’s trademark mayhem, I would suggest avoiding 31. However, if you’re a fan of Zombie’s films, you’ll find 31 to be perhaps the purest distillation of his artistic vision.

The TSL’s Daily Horror Grindhouse: Halloween II (dir by Rob Zombie)

Posted on October 31, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The thing about praising Rob Zombie’s Halloween is that you’re then contractually obligated to talk about the 2009 sequel, Halloween II. While I certainly don’t have any trouble defending the first film, Halloween II is about as big a mess as I’ve ever seen.

Much like the sequel to the original film, Halloween II opens with Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) being stalked in the hospital by her murderous older brother, Michael (Tyler Mane). And the hospital scenes are actually pretty good. Zombie makes good use of Nights in White Satin and the scenes of Michael chasing Laurie are genuinely suspenseful.

However, the film then jumps a year into the future and it’s all kind of annoying. Halloween II follows three separate storylines, all of which converge at the rushed conclusion.

My favorite storyline dealt with Dr. Loomis (again played by the brilliant Malcolm McDowell). Loomis has written a book about Michael and is now traveling the country, promoting himself as a true crime expert and dealing with people who think that he’s exploiting the whole tragedy for a quick buck. McDowell is perfect in these scenes, playing Dr. Loomis as a pompous man who secretly knows that he’s a fraud. “I was as much a victim as anyone,” he occasionally sputters. Perhaps the highlight of the film comes when he’s interviewed by a rather sarcastic Chris Hardwick and finds himself being ridiculed by Weird Al Yankovic (playing himself).

The second storyline features Annie (Danielle Harris) and Laurie struggling to get on with their lives. Laurie is now living with Annie and her father (Brad Dourif). As opposed to the virginal Laurie of the first Halloween, this Laurie is pissed off and out of control. On the one hand, I think Zombie deserves some credit for trying to deal with the PTSD that would obviously be the result of surviving being attacked by Michael Myers. On the other hand, to say that Laurie is never not pissed off would be an understatement. Scout Taylor-Compton does a good job playing her but, in Halloween II, a little Laurie Strode goes a long way. You can only watch someone rage at the world for so long before it starts to get boring.

And the third storyline, not surprisingly, is Michael still trying to track down and kill his sister. Michael continually sees visions of his dead mother (Sheri Moon Zombie), occasionally accompanied by a white horse, telling him, “It’s time.” (Eventually, Laurie starts to see the same thing.) Usually, if you come across someone online criticizing Halloween II, one of the first things that they’ll mention will be that white horse. To be honest, the white horse didn’t both me. I actually appreciated the surreal touch of Sheri Moon Zombie and a white horse appearing out of nowhere. But still, as opposed to first film, Michael is just boring in this film. The first film was memorable because it took the time to explore why Michael became who he became. In Halloween II, Michael’s just another killer in a mask. Leslie Vernon would have kicked his ass.

So, no, Halloween II does not really work. The story is too messy and, with the exception of Dr. Loomis, none of the characters are particularly interesting. I still stand by my claim that Rob Zombie is an underrated director but Halloween II is a definite misfire.