Back to School Part II #13: The Last American Virgin (dir by Boaz Davidson)

Posted on August 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(SPOILERS BELOW!)

For the past week, I have been doing a chronological review of films about high school, college, and teenagers. I started things off on Monday by taking a look at Teenage Devil Dolls, a film from the 1950s. From there, I moved on to the 60s and then the 70s and now, finally, I am now ready to start in on the golden age of teen films — the 1980s!

I started things off by watching The Last American Virgin, a low-budget film from 1982 and oh my God! Seriously, The Last American Virgin has got to be one of the strangest films that I’ve ever seen. I can only imagine what teen audiences in 1982 must have thought when they went to see the latest sex comedy and discovered that it was actually one of the darkest and most depressing films ever made.

Actually, The Last American Virgin is two films in one. The first film is pretty much a typical teen comedy. Three friends — awkward but sweet Gary (Lawrence Monoson), handsome but shallow Rick (Steve Antin), and funny fat guy Dave (Joe Rubbo) — try to get laid and survive their senior year in high school. They pick up three girls by pretending to have cocaine. (They offer them sweet-n-low instead, which leads to a lengthy scene of the girls snorting the artificial sweetner and then saying stuff like, “This is the best Colombian that I’ve ever had.”) They meet a lonely housewife who had sex with two of them before her husband arrives home. (As usual, Gary misses out.) They have sex with a crude hooker and all end up with crabs as a result. It’s a typically crude teen comedy, distinguished only by the fact that Monoson, Antin, and Rubbo are a lot more believable as teenagers than the usual 25 year-old actors who often starred in these films. (According to the imdb, Monoson was only 16 when The Last American Virgin first went into production.)

But, right there in the middle of the usual teen movie shenanigans, there’s this other movie taking place. Gary is in love with Karen (Diane Franklin, who appeared in several teen films in the 80s, including Better Off Dead) but Karen is dating Rick. When Gary finds out that Karen has lost her virginity to his best friend, he ends up sitting alone in a diner while Just Once (“I did my best … but I guess my best wasn’t good enough…”) plays on the soundtrack. In fact, that song shows up several times during the movie. Basically, whenever Gary tries to do anything, we suddenly hear: “I did my best … but I guess my best wasn’t good enough….”

I mean, seriously, poor Gary! Even the soundtrack is implying that he’s a loser!

Eventually, Karen discovers that she’s pregnant. Rick refuses to help out and promptly leaves on a ski trip. Gary and Karen tell their parents but they’re going on the ski trip as well but instead, they go to an empty house that once belonged to Gary’s late grandmother. Gary points out a huge, old-fashioned radio sitting in a corner and says that Karen can listen to it if she wants. Karen starts to cry. Gary starts to cry and swears that he’ll never abandon her.

Karen gets an abortion. Shots of Karen at the clinic are mixed in with scenes of Gary desperately trying to raise the money to pay for her abortion. He begs his boss for an advance on his salary. He pawns his stereo. All the while, U2’s I Will Follow plays on the soundtrack.

At this point, the film had gotten so serious that I was half-expecting for Gary to come to the clinic to pick up Karen, just to be told that she had died during the procedure. But no, Karen survives. They go back to grandma’s house. Karen thanks Gary for all that he’s done for her. Gary cries and says that he loves her. Karen invites Gary to her birthday party.

Gary goes to the birthday party, bringing with him the gift of a ring. But, as soon as Gary steps into the kitchen, what’s the first thing he sees?

Karen hugging Rick. Both of them have tears in their eyes. They look back at Gary.

Gary stumbles out of the party. He gets in his car and drives away. We get a close-up of Gary sobbing in the car…

I did my best …. but I guess my best wasn’t good enough…

AND THEN THE MOVIE ENDS!

I mean … MY GOD, HOW DEPRESSING CAN A MOVIE BE!?

And yet, that depressing ending is what sets The Last American Virgin apart. I mean, it’s not a happy ending but it definitely elevates this low-budget and rather crude movie. If nothing else, it feels more realistic than having Lawrence Monoson punch out Steve Antin and then live happily ever after. Sometimes, stories don’t end with love and smiles. Often times, they end with an awkward teenager sobbing as he drives home.

So, that’s The Last American Virgin. It’s an odd little movie. It was also a remake of a film that the same director had previously made in Israel and the film’s mix of low humor and high drama feels more European than American. This is definitely a film made by an outsider, trying to imagine what American teenagers are like. It makes for a movie that, though it may appear to be a typical teen sex comedy, is actually something else altogether.

Seriously, this is a weird one. I’m as surprised as anyone to say that I recommend it.

Back to School Part II #12: Breaking Away (dir by Peter Yates)

Posted on August 26, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Has Indiana changed much since 1979?

I ask because I just watched Breaking Away, a 1979 nominee for best picture. Breaking Away was shot on location in Bloomington, Indiana and on the campus of Indiana University. And though the film doesn’t go out of its way to idealize either the state, the town, or the university –in fact, the title refers to the desire of several characters to break away from their life in Bloomington — it still manages to make Indiana look like the nicest place on Earth. Add to that, Indiana University is home to the Eskenazi Museum of Art, which I will someday visit.

Breaking Away is actually a film about a lot of things: it’s a comedy, it’s a quasi-love story, it’s bittersweet coming-of-age story, it’s a sports film, and it’s a sweet, good-natured film that made me cry. At the heart of the film is Dave Stoller (Dennis Christopher), who has just graduated from high school and whose cheerful and eccentric exterior hides the fact that he appears to have no real future. Dave is obsessed with bicycle racing and idolizes that the Italian cycling team. In fact, he idolizes them so much that he decides to be Italian. He rides around Bloomington, greeting people with a merry “Ciao!” At home, he listens to opera and renames the family cat “Fellini.” While his mother (Barbara Barrie) is understanding, his father (Paul Dooley) cannot understand what’s happening to his son. Of course, Dave doesn’t truly believe that he’s Italian. He just desperately wants to be something other than who he is.

And who is Dave? He’s a citizen of Bloomington, a town that is divided between the upper class students at Indiana University and the blue-collar townies. The students call Dave and his friends “cutters,” because the only real industry in town is working in the quarry, cutting stone. The students look down on the cutters and the cutters resent the students.

Dave has three close friends, all of whom were big in high school and who are now facing an uncertain future of anonymity. Cyril (Daniel Stern) is the funny and quirky one, the former basketball player who talks about how he would like to be a cartoon character. Moocher (Jackie Earle Haley) is usually easy-going but loses his temper whenever anyone mentions that he’s short. (At one point, Moocher’s boss orders him to, “Punch the time clock, Shortie!” Moocher literally does just that.) And finally, there’s Mike (Dennis Quaid). Mike is their leader, a former high school quarterback who idolizes the Marlboro Man and who knows that he’s destined to spend the rest of his life in Bloomington, going from “20 year-old Mike” to “mean old man Mike.”

When Dave meets a student named Katherine (Robyn Douglass), he pretends to be an Italian exchange student and, soon, he’s serenading her on the lawn of her sorority house. That doesn’t make Katherine’s boyfriend, Rod (Hart Bochner), happy. Rod and his friends beat up Cyril, which leads to another fight at a bowling alley. (Cyril, for his part, gets his finger stuck in a bowling ball.) Seeking to broker some sort of peace and understanding between the students and the town, the university president (played by John Ryan, who was the real-life President of Indiana University at the time) announces that the cutters will be invited to take part in the annual Little 500 bicycle race at Indiana University.

And you can probably guess how the race turns out. It’s a feel-good sports film so you already know who is going to win and that he’s going to have to win after initially falling behind and sacrificing a big lead. You know all that but it doesn’t matter. Breaking Away is such a sweet and well-acted movie that it still brought tears to my eyes even if the ending didn’t surprise me.

And really, the film does have a few surprises. For one thing, Rod turns out to be not as bad a guy as you initially think he’s going to be. Over the course of the film, he gets two small reaction shots, both of which hint that he’s not as much of a jerk as he often appears to be. It’s a minor detail and it’s easy to miss but what’s important that it’s there and it’s one of the many small details that makes Breaking Away feel alive. After watching the movie, I feel like I could go to Bloomington and still find all these character hanging out at the quarry.

There’s another scene that I want to mention. This is the scene that made me cry. Dave and his father walk around the university and his dad talks about how he and the fathers of all of Dave’s friends helped to cut the stone that was used to build campus. His dad admits that, even though he helped to build it, he’s never felt comfortable on the campus and then tells his son that he doesn’t have to be a cutter. And it’s such a heartfelt scene and so beautifully performed by Paul Dooley and Dennis Christopher that I started to cry. Perfectly acted, perfectly directed, and perfectly written, what a great scene! Fantastico!, as Dave might say.

I loved Breaking Away and I bet you would to.

Back to School Part II #11: Skatetown U.S.A. (dir by William A. Levey)

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Now that I’ve fully recovered from the trauma of writing about Grease, let me tell you about a little movie from 1979. It’s a movie about teenagers, love, and competition. It’s also a movie about disco and some actors who had some extra time on their hands. It has a great soundtrack and the whole movie is pure 70s. It even features the debut performance of a future movie star!

What film am I talking about?

SKATETOWN, USA, of course!

But before I talk about the movie, check out the trailer. This is one of my favorite trailers of all time. It pretty much tells you everything that you need to know about the movie. There’s not a deceptive moment to be found in this preview:

Skatetown, U.S.A. is one of those movies that you watch and think, “This could only have been made in the 70s.” Remember how watching Hollywood High caused me to doubt whether or not the 70s were actually all they were cracked up to be? Well, Skatetown USA has renewed my faith! Skatetown is such a 70s film that I personally think someone should send me an honorary coke spoon to reward me for watching it.

(Maureen McCormick, who is best known for playing Marcia Brady and who had a small role in Skatetown, wrote in her autobiography that the main thing she remembers about Skatetown is all the cocaine on the set.)

Skatetown USA doesn’t really have a traditional plot. Instead, it’s a collection of “comedic” skits mixed in with roller skating performances and a nonstop soundtrack. There is not a second that music is not playing in the background and, for what appears to be a low-budget film, the soundtrack is truly impressive. Basically, almost every great disco song from the 1970s is heard at some point during Skatetown USA. (Even that “Boogie Nights” song that Paul Thomas Anderson was apparently not allowed to actually use in Boogie Nights! Imagine being the copyright holders who said yes to Skatetown but no to Paul Thomas Anderson…)

The film’s main character appears to be an unnamed DJ (Denny Johnston). The DJ wears a big white afro wig and is always dancing in his booth. Occasionally, he shoots a lightning bolt from his middle finger and suddenly, professional roller dancers appear and do a routine. At the end of the movie, he looks at the camera, says that it’s all a fantasy, and winks.

Skatetown is the most popular disco roller rink in town. Clean-cut teenager and all around nice guy Stan Nelson (Greg Bradford) wants to win Skatetown’s roller dancing contest. (The prize is $1,000 and a moped!) His best friend, Richie (Scott Baio), accompanies him and hopes to win a lot of money by betting on the outcome of the contest. Stan angrily reprimands him, “This isn’t the streets! This is Skatetown, U.S.A!”

That’s right — don’t mess with the good name of Skatetown!

Anyway, Stan’s actually a pretty good performer and he does this trick where he rides a skateboard while wearing roller skaters so you would think he would be a sure bet to win.

BUT NO!

The reigning Skatetown champion is Ace Johnson (Patrick Swayze, making his film debut) and we know that Ace is a bad guy because he wears all black and he occasionally snaps a whip while he’s rolling around! Ace isn’t above cheating to win but really he doesn’t have to cheat! Ace may be the bad guy but, seriously, he totally kicks ass while wearing roller skates. As soon as he rolls out there, you understand why he’s the reigning champion.

See, here’s the thing with Skatetown: We’re supposed to be rooting for Stan but Ace really is a hundred times better than him. There’s a reason why Patrick Swayze went on to have a career after Skatetown while Greg Bradford only has 8 credits on the imdb. Swayze, even in this silly role, had movie star charisma whereas Bradford — well, he’s comes across as a nice guy but there’s nothing special about him. Swayze, meanwhile, is dangerous and smoldering.

For instance, when Stan does his routine, his background music is The Village People singing “Macho Man” and you can’t help but snicker a little. Whereas, when Ace performs, his background music is a slightly menacing cover of Under My Thumb. Stan is the Village People. Ace is the Rolling Stones.

Anyway, the film might not be good in the traditional sense but I absolutely loved Skatetown, U.S.A. Why? Because it’s a total time capsule! Watching it is such a totally 70s experience that I was even tempted to get a frizzy perm, start wearing bell bottoms, and stop wearing a bra. Fortunately, the temptation passed but still, I enjoyed getting to use my cinematic time machine.

Add to that, the film itself is just so over-the-top and silly that … well, you can really believe that everyone involved in the movie was snorting mountains of cocaine in between takes. There’s not a subtle moment to be found in Skatetown, U.S.A. Instead, it’s all bright neon, loud music, flamboyant characters, silly melodrama, and corny humor.

(My personal theory is that Skatetown, U.S.A. was taking place in the same cinematic universe of A Clockwork Orange and it was showing what normal teenagers were doing while Alex and his droogs were seeking out the ultraviolence. The over-the-top design of Skatetown reminded me of the similar flamboyance of the Korova Milk Bar and the droogs’s bowlers and oversized codpieces weren’t that different from some of the costumes worn by the cast of Skatetown.)

Anyway, Skatetown is one of those films that everyone should see once. Unfortunately, because of all the music in the film, it’s never been released on DVD or Blu-ray and it probably never will be because life sucks. It is on YouTube, though it was recorded off an old VHS tape so the transfer is not the best.

Here’s Skatetown, USA:

One final note: Skatetown, USA was directed by the same William Levey who also directed Blackenstein, Hellgate, and The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington. It was written Nick Castle, who played Michael Myers in the original Halloween and directed a film that is well-liked by several of the writers here at the Shattered Lens, The Last Starfighter.

Back to School Part II #10: Grease (dir by Randal Kleiser)

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When it comes to reviewing Grease on this site, the film and I have a long and twisted history. There have been several times when I was tempted to review Grease but one thing has always stopped me:

I absolutely hate this film.

Grease is one of my least favorite films and, to be honest, just thinking about it causes me pain. Just about everyone that I know loves Grease. They love the songs. They love the music. They love the performances. They want to see it on stage. They want to see it on the big screen. They watch every time it pops up on AMC.

Growing up as a theater nerd means being surrounded by people who love Grease. I cannot begin to count the number of times that I forced to watch this movie in school. So many theater teachers seemed to feel that showing Grease in class was some sort of reward but, for me, it was pure torture. And the fact that I was usually the only one who disliked the film made the experience all the more unbearable.

Back in 2014, when I was doing the first set of Back To School reviews, I was planning on reviewing Grease. But I just could not bring myself to voluntarily relive the film. Instead of putting myself through that misery, I decided to watch and review Rock ‘n’ Roll High School instead. It was the right decision and I stand by it.

Jump forward two years and here I am doing Back to School again. And again, for some reason, I had put Grease down as a film to review. It’s just a movie, right? And yet, after I finished writing my excellent review of Animal House, I again found myself dreading the idea of having to even think about Grease.

So, I said, “Fuck this,” and I promptly erased Grease from the list and I replaced it with Skatetown USA. Then I watched Skatetown and I’m glad that I did because that was an experience that I can’t wait to write about! And yet, I still had this nagging voice in the back of my mind.

“You’re going to have to review Grease at some point,” it said, “If not now, when?”

The voice had a point. However, I was soon reminded that there was an even more important reason to review Grease. A little further down on my list of Back to School films to review was a little film called Grease 2. How could I possibly review Grease 2 if I hadn’t already reviewed Grease? My OCD would not allow it!

And so, here I am, reviewing Grease.

Grease, of course, is a musical about teenagers in 1958. Danny (John Travolta) is in love with Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) and Sandy is in love with Danny. But Danny’s a greaser and Sandy’s Australian! Will they be able to work it out, despite coming from different worlds? Of course they will! Danny’s willing to dress up like a jock in order to impress Sandy while Sandy’s willing to wear black leather to impress Danny! Yay! They go together! And they’ve got a flying car, too! YAY!

And then Satan arrived…

Of course, there’s other subplots as well. For instance, Frenchy (Didi Conn) nearly drops out of school but she’s visited by Satan (Frankie Avalon) and he manages to change her mind. And Rizzo (Stockard Channing) might be pregnant because Kenickie (Jeff Conaway) hasn’t bought any new condoms since the 8th grade. Comparing the sensitive way that teen pregnancy was handled on a show like Degrassi: The Next Generation with the way it’s handled in Grease is enough to make you want to sing “O Canada” every day for the rest of your life.

Here’s what I do like about Grease: Stockard Channing is great as Rizzo, though it’s hard not to feel that she deserves better than a doofus boyfriend like Kenickie and a boring bestie like Sandy. I also like You’re The One That I Want. That’s a fun song.

But as for the rest of the movie … BLEH! I mean, it is so BORING! It takes them forever to get to You’re The One That I Want. Olivia Newton-John is so wholesome that she literally makes you want to tear your hair out while John Travolta pretty much acts on auto pilot. As for the supporting cast, most of them appeared in the stage production of Grease and they still seem to be giving stage performances as opposed to film performances. They’re still projecting their lines to the back of the house. Worst of all, it’s obvious that director Randal Kleiser had no idea how to film a musical because the dance numbers are so ineptly staged and framed that, half the time, you can’t even see what anyone’s doing with their feet. If you can’t see the feet, it defeats the whole purpose of having an elaborate dance number in the first place!

So, no, I don’t like Grease.

Sorry, everyone.

However, I’m sure I’ll enjoy Grease 2….

Love you, Canada!

Master of Horror: Boris Karloff in BEDLAM (RKO 1946)

Posted on August 25, 2016 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

(This post is part of the TCM SUMMER UNDER THE STARS blogathon hosted by Kristen at JOURNEYS IN CLASSIC FILM! )

Boris Karloff made a trio of films for producer Val Lewton in the mid-40’s: THE BODY SNATCHER , ISLE OF THE DEAD, and BEDLAM. The Old Master of Terror was given the opportunity to show off his acting prowess in these dark, psychological horrors. Freed from the restraint of playing yet another mad scientist or creature, Karloff excels in the roles of murderous Cabman Grey, plague-ridden General Pherides, and here as the cruel martinet of Bedlam, Master George Sims.

Lewton cowrote the script with director Mark Robson , “suggested by” William Hogarth’s 8th painting in the series “A Rake’s Progress”. There are a lot of sly references to Hogarth in BEDLAM, and the artist even gets a screenwriting credit. It’s 1761 London, and the class struggle between rich and poor rages…

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Back to School Part II #9: National Lampoon’s Animal House (dir by John Landis)

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You know what? I’m going to start this review with the assumption that you’ve already seen the classic 1978 college comedy, National Lampoon’s Animal House. At the very least, I’m going to assume that you’ve heard of it and that you know the general details. Animal House was not only a huge box office success but it’s also one of the most influential films ever made. Almost every comedy released since 1978 owes a debt to the success of Animal House. Just as every subsequent high school film was directly descended from American Graffiti, every college film features at least a little Animal House in its DNA.

So, with that in mind, who is your favorite member of Delta House?

Most people, I think, would automatically say Bluto (played by John Belushi) and certainly, Bluto is the best known and perhaps best-remembered member of the cast. As played by Belushi, Bluto is the film’s rampaging ID and he’s such a force of nature that, whenever I rewatch Animal House, I’m surprised to be reminded of the fact that he’s not really in the film that much. He’s present for the parties, of course. He imitates a zit and starts a food fight. He gives a rousing speech, in which he reminds the members of the Delta House that America didn’t give up after “the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor!” He destroys a folk singer’s guitar and I personally love the scene where he tries to cheer up a despondent pledge by smashing a beer bottle over his head. But really, Bluto is used very sparingly and he’s one of the few members of the ensemble not to get his own subplot. Bluto’s great but he’s not my favorite member of Delta House.

Believe it or not, my favorite member of Delta House is Robert Hoover (James Widdoes). Hoover is the president of Delta House and, when we first meet him, he seems like he’s way too clean-cut to be in charge of the “worst house” on campus. But then, as the film progresses, we discover that Hoover may not be as openly crazy as everyone else but he’s definitely a Delta. Just watch him in the Toga party scene. Just look at him in the picture that shows up during the closing credits. It took me a while to realize that Hoover, the future public defender, was giving the camera the finger. Hoover may look uptight but he’s secretly a wild man!

One of the things that I love about Animal House is that it truly is an ensemble film. There’s not a weak performance to be found in the entire movie. No matter how wild or over-the-top the humor gets, the entire cast commits to their roles and, as a result, they keep this movie grounded. You actually find yourself caring about whether or not they get kicked off campus. You truly believe that the members of Delta House have been friends for years but, even more importantly, you believe the same thing about their rivals at Omega House. For that matter, it may be easy to make fun of Dean Wormer (John Vernon, setting the template for all evil deans to come) but you never doubt that he’s been in charge of Faber College for years and that he’s planning on being in charge for years to come. As played by the deep-voiced and sinister-looking Vernon, Wormer becomes every unreasonable authority figure. When he explains the concept of super secret probation, he does so with a smug pleasure that is practically chilling. When he mentions that the members of Delta House can now be drafted, the smile on his face is terrifying.

You know who else gives a really good performance in Animal House? Donald Sutherland. At the time, Sutherland was the biggest star in the film. He was offered either a percentage of the grosses or a flat fee. Sutherland thought the film would flop, took the flat fee, and missed out on millions as a result. Sutherland plays Prof. Jennings, an English teacher who, in the only scene actually set in a classroom, desperately tries to get his bored students to pay attention to him. There’s something so poignant about the way Jennings begs his students to turn in their papers. “I’m not joking,” he sputters, “this is my job!”

Jennings turns out to be free thinker. He turns Boone (Peter Riefert), Katie (Karen Allen), and Pinto (Tom Hulce) onto marijuana. There’s an anachronistic peace sign hanging in his apartment (Animal House takes place in 1963) but no matter. Far worse is the fact that he temporarily breaks up Boone and Katie! Everyone knows those two belong together!

You know who else doesn’t get enough credit for his performance in Animal House? Stephen Furst. He plays Flounder, a new pledge. Flounder is just so enthusiastic about everything and he doesn’t even seem to be upset when Wormer tells him, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.” I love the enthusiastic way that Furst delivers simple lines like, “What’s my Delta Chi name?” and “Brother Bluto! Brother D-Day! What are you doing here!?” My favorite Flounder moment comes when he accidentally gives a horse a heart attack. Technically, it shouldn’t be funny but it is because Furst, Belushi, and Bruce McGill (playing the role of D-Day) so thoroughly throw themselves into their roles. For that matter, the horse did a pretty good job too.

But that’s not all! How can I praise the ensemble of Animal House without mention Tim Matheson, who plays Otter, the future Beverly Hills gynecologist? Or what about Kevin Bacon, playing Omega pledge Chip Diller? This was Bacon’s first role and who can forget him shouting, “Thank you, sir, may I have another!” while being initiated into Omega House? Or how about James Daughton and Mark Metcalf, as the two leaders of Omega House? They were villains truly worth hissing!

And yes, I know that a lot of the humor in Animal House is not politically correct but who cares? It’s a hilarious movie, one that is full of good actors at their absolute best. Yes, they’re all a bunch of privileged sexists blah blah blah, but I’d still party with the Delta House. They know how to have fun and, even if they did wreck the Homecoming Parade, they had a good reason!

And so is the movie. Every time I see Animal House, I feel good about the world. In 1978, The Deer Hunter was named best picture by the Academy. Well, you know what? With all due respect to that long epic about the tragedy of America’s involvement in the Vietnam War, all the Oscars should have gone to Animal House!

In conclusion … SING IT!

Let me t-t-tell you ’bout some friends I know
They’re kinda crazy but you’ll dig the show
They can party ’till the break of dawn
at Delta Chi you can’t go wrong

Otter, he’s the ladies man
Every girl falls into his hands
Boon and Katy playing “Cat and Mouse”

and Mrs. Wormer, she’s the queen of the
ANIMAL HOUSE

ANIMAL HOUSE

That Pinto he’s a real swell guy
Clorette was jailbait but he gave her a try
Chip, Doug, and Greg, they’re second to none
They studied under Attila the Hun

Mr. Jennings has got his wig on tight
Flouder’s left shoe’s always on his right
Babs and Mandy are having a pillow fight
With D-Day, Hoover, Otis Day and the Knights

DO THE BLUTO

Come on baby, dance with me
Maybe if we do the Bluto
We will get an “A” in lobotomy

DO THE BLUTO
DO THE BLUTO

Aw, come on!
Let me tell ya
Dean Wormer tried to shut us down
But he fell and he broke his crown
He didn’t know about the Delta spunk
He came in handy when we were short a skunk

At the

ANIMAL HOUSE

Here’s The Trailer For Manchester By The Sea!

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hey, do you remember when — for a day or two — everyone was saying that Manchester By The Sea was going to be this year’s film to go from being acclaimed at Sundance to being nominated for best picture?

It’s easy to forget because, as acclaimed as Kenneth Lonergan’s latest film was, it was quickly overshadowed by Nate Parker’s The Birth of a Nation. Once Nation had its Sundance premiere, people stopped talking about Manchester and it was pretty much assumed by just about everyone that Nation — and not Manchester — would follow in the footsteps of Beasts of the Southern Wild, Boyhood, Whiplash, and Brooklyn as this year’s Sundance Oscar contender.

But then, a few months ago, we learned that both Nate Parker and Jean Celestin, who has a story credit for Nation, were accused of rape in 1999. Parker was acquitted on legally dubious grounds (he and the victim has consensual sex before the rape) while Celestin was convicted and spent a few months in jail before having his conviction overturned on appeal and being granted a new trial. The victim, who said that she had been harassed by both Parker and Celestin, declined to testify at the new trial and, in 2012, committed suicide.

Since that news has come out, there’s been a lot of think pieces on whether or not it’s possible to separate a work of art from the artist and whether or not a critic should even attempt to do so. It’s starting to look doubtful that The Birth of a Nation is going to get the Oscar push that so many people were expecting. Fox Searchlight spent a lot of money to acquire the rights to the film and now, they seem to just be planning on quietly dumping it into theaters on October 7th.

Which means, with The Birth of A Nation quietly being pushed to the side, Manchester By The Sea is, once again, the Sundance film with all the Oscar buzz. I’ve heard the film is absolutely incredible. (For the record, I’ve also heard the same thing about The Birth of a Nation.) A lot of people feel that Kenneth Lonergan deserved some Oscar consideration for Margaret, and probably would have received it if he hadn’t developed a reputation for being difficult. (It took Lonergan 5 years to come up with a final cut of Margaret that he was willing to release.) Manchester By The Sea could be Lonergan’s opportunity for industry redemption.

Here’s the trailer:

Here’s The Trailer for Rings!

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Now, I may be alone in this (or, at least, it sometimes feels as if I am) but I absolutely love The Ring. I wasn’t necessarily a big fan of the sequel but the first Ring remains one of my favorite horror films. In fact, I may have to revisit it in October for TSL’s annual horror month!

Well, after 11 years, The Ring is finally about to get another sequel! In Rings, it turns out that the killer video has gone viral, which, now that I think about it, was also a skit on Robot Chicken. Sadly, Naomi Watts will not be returning for Rings. In fact, the entire cast pretty much screams VOD.

But no matter! I will still see Rings the day that it opens. (That would be October 28th, just in time for Halloween.)

And I’ll probably scream a lot…

Back to School Part II #8: Hollywood High (dir by Patrick Wright)

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If I may, for a second, quote the theme song from Degrassi, the greatest television show ever:

Whatever it takes…

I know I can make it through!

That song was running through my head as I watched the 1977 “comedy,” Hollywood High. At times, I didn’t know if I’d be able to make it through. Hollywood High was not only bad but it was boring as well! This is one of those films where every line of dialogue is followed by a minute or so of awkward silence as the cast struggles to remember who speaks next. I’ve often written of the importance of ensemble chemistry. Well, Hollywood High is a perfect example of what happens when a cast doesn’t have any chemistry at all. They’re all playing friends and lovers but you get the feeling that none of them knew each other before film started and no one saw each other after it ended.

Whatever it takes…

I know I can make it through!

It’s a comedy but nothing funny ever happens. As far as plot goes, it’s about four interchangeable girls who go to Hollywood High School and who spend most of their time on the beach, getting naked while some of the most generic west coast music imaginable plays in the background. One of the girls (it’s never clear which) has a super cool boyfriend named Fenzie. Fenzie wears a leather jacket and starts every sentence with, “Heeeeeeeey!” and he also says stuff like, “The Fenzie needs a beer!” No, his name is not Fonzie. It’s FENZIE!

Whatever it takes…

I know I can make it through!

At one point, the four girls are driving down the highway in their red roadster. (And you better believe that there’s a song on the soundtrack called “Red Roadster.”)

“We need gas!” one of them says.

“We need oil!” another one replies.

“We need a lube job!” one points out.

“We need Big Dick!” the driver announces.

Well, of course … oh wait. It turns out that Big Dick is an auto mechanic. He’s also a dwarf! When he first shows up on screen, one of the girls says, “Oh, I see. That’s funny.”

Whatever it takes…

I know I can make it through!

Anyway, Big Dick tries to cheat film star June East (Marla Winters). The girls all love June East so one of them has sex with Big Dick so that June won’t have to pay her bill. June is so impressed that she says, “Why don’t you come down and see me sometime?” You know what that means! It’s orgy time at June East’s mansion. The girls are shocked to discover that June’s lover is the flamboyant teacher (played by an actor named Hy Pyke) who they previously assumed was gay!

Whatever it takes…

The girls then look straight at the camera.

“This,” one of them says.

“Is,” another one adds.

“The,” the third chimes in.

“End!” the fourth one says with a smile.

…I know I can make it through!

And somehow, I did make it through! Finally, this movie ended! I breathed a huge sigh of relief and then I wrote this review. And, in case I haven’t made it clear, Hollywood High is one of the worst movies ever made. It didn’t even work as a time capsule because it left me hating the 70s with such a passion that I’m probably going to have to rewatch Saturday Night Fever, Dazed and Confused, Boogie Nights, and American Hustle to remind myself why I was ever fascinated by the decade in the first place!

I made it through Hollywood High. And now, let us never speak of it again…

Back to School Part II #7: Cage Without A Key (dir by Buzz Kulik)

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For the fifth film in my Back To School series of reviews, I watched Cage Without A Key, a made-for-TV movie from 1975.

17 year-old Valerie Smith (Susan Dey) would appear to have everything. She has a loving mother and a loyal best friend. She just graduated from high school and has been accepted to a good college. She’s looking forward to going down to San Francisco for the weekend before starting her summer job. The future look great and, of course, that means that she’s about to make the biggest mistake of her life.

And she’s going to do it 70s style!

When her car breaks down on the way to San Francisco, she makes the mistake of accepting a ride from a long-haired guy in a Volkswagen microbus. Buddy Goleta (Sam Bottoms, in full 70s weirdo mode) went to high school with Valerie and appears to have a crush on her. Buddy also appears to be a little bit crazy himself as he tells everyone that he meets that Valerie is “my old lady.” Finally, Buddy pulls over to a convenience store and kills everyone inside. Since Valerie’s in the microbus, she gets arrested along with Buddy. Since Buddy claims that he and Valerie are lovers, she’s convicted of being an accessory and is sentenced to a … REFORM SCHOOL!

(Cue dramatic music.)

The warden — Mrs. Little (Katharine Helmond) — insists that she’s not running a prison. Instead, she’s running a very progressive school where the students all happen to be thieves and murderers. The school even has pleasant euphemisms for all the standard prison film elements. For instance, no one is put in solitary confinement. Instead, they’re sent to meditation.

Anyway, while Valerie waits for her dedicated public defender (David Brandon) to prove her innocence and get her out of reform school, she finds herself being approached by the various gangs who run the school. Valerie says she doesn’t want anything to do with any of that. She just wants to fly under the radar until she’s set free. But then she’s approached by a predatory lesbian and, as we all known from watching other prison films, nothing will make you join a gang faster than being approached by a predatory lesbian…

Okay, Cage Without A Key is not exactly Orange Is The New Black. What it is, however, is a time capsule of the time it was made. Everything from the slang to the clothes to the attitudes to the squishy, upper class liberalism of Valerie’s lawyer practically screams 1970s.

Add to that, classic film lovers will appreciate the fact that the evil gang leader is named Suzy Kurosawa!

Incidentally, Cage Without A Key was written by Joanna Lee, who readers of this site will probably best remember for playing one of the alien invaders in Plan 9 From Outer Space.