Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.13 “The High and Mighty”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

The undefeated season continues!

Episode 4.13 “The High and Mighty”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on December 28th, 1988)

In this week’s episode, we watch as the Bulls fly to and then from their latest game.

On the flight to the game, Denardo worries about whether or not he has what it takes to eventually win the Championship game.  (That’s this show’s equivalent of the Super Bowl.)  On the flight back, Denardo’s confidence has been restored and he can’t wait to start planning for the big game.

TD Parker (played by OJ Simpson) spends the flight back flirting with a flight attendant.  OJ Simpson’s performance in this episode is perhaps the worst that he’s given since he first joined the cast.  I think the problem is that Parker is supposed to be drunk and Simpson was incapable of playing any emotion or condition beyond bland amiability.

Bubba is terrified of flying and has a nightmare that Mad Dog is flying the plane.

Zagrib and a ringer (James Hampton) hustle all of the players in a poker game on the first flight.  On the return flight, Zagrib loses all of the money he won and then begs Mad Dog not to kill him.  Mad Dog says that he won’t hurt Zagrib because the team needs a good kicker.

Executives Gail (Shanna Reed) and Michael (Paul Tuerpe) argue over where the new Bulls Stadium should be located.  Michael thinks that he has found the perfect spot but, on the flight back, Gail lies to him and tells him that the spot used to be a toxic waste dump.  Michael calls the head of the Dodds Corporation and tries to take credit for finding the location where Gail wants to put the stadium.  This storyline would have been more effective if Michael and Gail were interesting characters.

Finally, Doug falls for an obsessive flight attendant who later tells him that she poisoned his coffee.  Doug panics, though he doesn’t actually die or anything so I think she was just lying to him.

I actually kind of liked this episode because I thought it was interesting to see how the members of the team distracted themselves before the game and how they celebrated after they won.  This episode was all about big personalities in a confined location and, with the exception of OJ, it featured some fine ensemble work from the cast.  Considering how much this show has struggled with finding a consistent tone from not only episode-to-episode but also from scene-to-scene, this was an unusually disciplined episode.

Next week, we finish up the fourth season!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.8 “Balancing Act”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, we discover how it all began!

Episode 1.8 “Balancing Act”

(Dir by Gus Trikonis, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

The eighth episode of Baywatch Nights opens with Ryan and Garner on a stakeout.  It’s the middle of the day and they’re waiting for someone carrying an envelope full of evidence.  Mitch is nowhere to be seen, which actually makes sense.  I mean, Mitch is still working as a lifeguard.  Over the past seven episodes, I’ve often wondered how Mitch can work full-time as both a detective and a lifeguard captain.  This episode finally acknowledges that Mitch actually does have another job.

Garner and Ryan start talking about the first that they met and how they came to be partners in a detective firm.  It’s flashback time!  The flashbacks are to the show’s previously unaired pilot.  What’s funny is that, even though Garner is the one who is telling the story, the flashbacks are all narrated by Mitch.  I know that Garner and Mitch were extremely close friends during the early seasons of Baywatch but I didn’t realize they could actually hear each other’s thoughts.

Flashback Mitch explains that both he and Garner were wondering if there was anything more to life than their jobs.  Garner wanted to be more than just a beach cop.  Mitch was wondering if maybe there was something more out there than just being a lifeguard.  One day, when Mitch on vacation from his lifeguarding job, Mitch decided to accompany Garner to investigate a mysterious boat that had been showing up around the marina.  It was during the investigation that Mitch and Garner first met Ryan.  Ryan had paid $25,000 for a private detective agency in California, just to discover that the agency was not the high class operation that the previous owner, Nicky Pine (Philip Bruns), claimed it was.  However, before Ryan could confront him, Nicky was apparently killed by a group of criminals who wanted a valuable bracelet that Nicky owned.  Except the bracelet, which he gave to Ryan, was actually a fake and Nicky wasn’t actually dead and….

Ugh, this is complicated.  Seriously. I hate to admit that I couldn’t follow the plot of an episode of Baywatch Nights but this plot had so many nonsensical twists and turns that I pretty much gave up on trying to make sense of it all.  The important thing is that Garner got fed up with the police and quit, Mitch realized that he wanted to be a private eye, and Ryan got to be totally awesome as usual.  At one point, Ryan explained to Mitch that she was tough because she was from Dallas.  Woo hoo!  You tell him, Ryan!

Because this was a pilot, there were a few examples of early installment weirdness.  Troy Evans showed up as a police detective and one got the feeling that he was originally envisioned as being a recurring character.  Lisa Stahl’s Destiny was nowhere to be seen but there was a character named Andy (Linda Hoffman) was acted quite similarly to Destiny.  Even Nicky and his girlfriend, Rose (Jeanette O’Connor), seemed to be set up to become semi-regular characters.  Obviously, there was some retooling done after this pilot was produced.

Anyway, this episode’s plot is impossible to follow but the California scenery is lovely, which I think is the most that anyone could realistically demand from any show from the Baywatch universe.  Having now watched the pilot, I’m glad that the show went forward with just Mitch, Garner, and Ryan as regulars.  They’re a good team.

A Movie A Day #274: The Dentist (1996, directed by Brian Yuzna)


Alan (Corbin Bernsen) may be a wealthy dentist in Malibu but he still has problems.  He has got an IRS agent (Earl Boen) breathing down his neck.  His assistant, Jessica (Molly Hagan), has no respect for him.  His demanding patients don’t take care of their teeth.  His wife (Linda Hoffman) is fucking the pool guy (Michael Stadvec).  When Alan feels up a beauty queen while she’s passed out from the nitrous oxide, her manager (Mark “yes, the Hulk” Ruffalo) punches him and then goes to the police.  Under pressure from all sides, Alan loses his mind and a crazy dentist with a drill means a lot of missing teeth.

“You’re a rabid anti-dentite!” Kramer once yelled at Jerry Seinfeld and even people who were not already uneasy about going to dentist will be after watching Corbin Bernsen stick his drill in Earl Boen’s mouth.  The scene where Alan tells a group of dental students to yank out their patients’ teeth represents everyone’s worst fear of what dentists talk about when there aren’t any innocent bystanders around.  The Dentist may be predictable but Corbin Bernsen gives the performance of his career, playing the nightmare of anyone who has ever had a toothache.

Of course, good health begins with healthy teeth and real-life dentists provide a valuable service.  Take it from Robert Wagner: