Tag Archives: Karen Lorre

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 5.8 “Vindication”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

This week, some of the players get trapped in the woods.

Episode 5.8 “Vindication”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on December 6th, 1989)

It’s time for the Barbara Ann Awards.

The Barbara Ann Awards are a never-before mentioned annual tradition in which Dr. Death, Jethro, Bubba, and Zagreb go to a cabin in the woods with a bunch of women and the women compete to be the new Barbara Ann.  Yep, it’s just as sleazy as it sounds.  Fortunately, this year sees the players being stalked by two mask-wearing, chainsaw-carrying psychoes.  While the women hide in the cabin, the players go out to battle their stalkers and, instead, they end up getting caught in a net.  Oh no!  Is this the end of the California Bulls?  (Well, four of them, at least….)

Fortunately, no.  It turns out that it was all a practical joke that was set up by the women.  Yay!  Put those men in their place!  The players are so impressed that they give the title of Barbara Ann to the woman who came up with the joke.  This whole thing was pretty silly but at least it felt appropriate for October viewing.

The episode’s other storyline featured Johnny Gunn being interviewed by reporter Susan McDermitt (Catherine MacNeal).  With protestors constantly picketing the games and calling Johnny a murderer, TD Parker (OJ Simpson) figures that it’s time for some damage control.  TD understands just how damaging it is to the reputation of the game to have a player who is routinely accused of being a murderer.

So, Susan and Johnny go to Johnny’s hometown in Pennsylvania.  We learn about Johnny’s past as a foster kid and a high school football star.  In a somewhat implausible scene, Johnny’s ex-girlfriend (Tally Chanel) admits on camera that she lied about what happened the night that Johnny killed a man.  It turns out that Johnny was actually acting in self-defense.

“I’m glad that’s taken care of!” OJ says as he watches the news report.

This is another episode of 1st & Ten that’s impossible to watch without thinking about OJ Simpson’s later life.  Every time OJ started to talk about how unfair it was that Johnny was being judged for being a murderer, I cringed just a little bit.  The episode’s contention that one positive news story was all Johnny needed to get on with his life was almost charming in its naiveté.

Next week …. well, who knows?  Hopefully, it won’t involve any more murders.

October Hacks: Buried Alive (dir by Gerard Kikoine)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

1990’s Buried Alive may be the worst Edgar Allan Poe adaptation ever filmed.

The film takes place at the Ravenscroft Institute, a former mental asylum founded by the fearsome Jacob Julian (John Carradine). Jacob’s son, Gary (Robert Vaughn), took over the Institute after his father’s death, treated his patients with kindness and compassion, and preached about the need for “freedom.” Now, Gary has transformed Ravenscroft into an all-girls school for juvenile delinquents. The students worship him because he tells them that nothing is their fault and that they deserve to live the life they want. His newest teacher, Janet (Karen Lorre), is a fan as well. In fact, she soon finds herself falling in love with Gary.

However, from the minute Janet shows up at Ravenscroft, she starts having strange visions. She sees thousands of ants crawling over her feet. She hears strange sounds in the walls. At one point, an arm reaches out of a toilet and tries to grab her. She thinks she sees a distinguished Shakespearean character actor sealed behind a wall. Is she losing her mind, or has she stumbled across something more sinister?

Now, when I say that Buried Alive is one of the worst Edgar Allan Poe adaptations I’ve ever seen, understand that it is not the fault of the cast. There are some truly talented people in this film. A young Nia Long plays a student named Fingers. Ginger Lynn Allen has fun playing a bully named Debbie. Robert Vaughn is appropriately intense as Gary, and John Carradine is… well, he’s John Carradine. This was one of Carradine’s final films, and he actually died before it was released. Obviously, Carradine doesn’t do much, but, as was often the case, his intimidating screen presence meant that he didn’t have to do much to make an impression. He just had to exist. Donald Pleasence plays Dr. Schaeffer, a German-accented member of the staff who wears round glasses and an ill-fitting toupee and who pops up occasionally to tell Janet not to wander around at night. Pleasence was obviously not in the best of health when he played Schaeffer, but, much like Carradine, his eccentric presence gives the film some much-needed atmosphere, and there is a fairly effective twist involving his character. Finally, there’s an absolutely adorable black cat that randomly appears throughout the film. It’s the film’s way of acknowledging Edgar Allan Poe, I imagine.

No, the failure of Buried Alive is not due to the cast. It’s really not even due to the script, which borrows the idea of someone being buried alive and not much else from the Poe story. Instead, the fault almost entirely rests with the film’s direction. The story unfolds with little momentum, some scenes meander while others are over far too quickly, and the director seems to think that filming anyone in an extreme close-up will automatically make them creepy. There are a few gross sequences involving a bunch of ants and the film has a few slasher moments, like the silencing of one annoying victim via a garden tool to the forehead , but otherwise there’s little horror and next to no suspense. I actually found myself getting angry over how poorly directed this film was.

The cast deserved better.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 4.13 “The High and Mighty”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

The undefeated season continues!

Episode 4.13 “The High and Mighty”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on December 28th, 1988)

In this week’s episode, we watch as the Bulls fly to and then from their latest game.

On the flight to the game, Denardo worries about whether or not he has what it takes to eventually win the Championship game.  (That’s this show’s equivalent of the Super Bowl.)  On the flight back, Denardo’s confidence has been restored and he can’t wait to start planning for the big game.

TD Parker (played by OJ Simpson) spends the flight back flirting with a flight attendant.  OJ Simpson’s performance in this episode is perhaps the worst that he’s given since he first joined the cast.  I think the problem is that Parker is supposed to be drunk and Simpson was incapable of playing any emotion or condition beyond bland amiability.

Bubba is terrified of flying and has a nightmare that Mad Dog is flying the plane.

Zagrib and a ringer (James Hampton) hustle all of the players in a poker game on the first flight.  On the return flight, Zagrib loses all of the money he won and then begs Mad Dog not to kill him.  Mad Dog says that he won’t hurt Zagrib because the team needs a good kicker.

Executives Gail (Shanna Reed) and Michael (Paul Tuerpe) argue over where the new Bulls Stadium should be located.  Michael thinks that he has found the perfect spot but, on the flight back, Gail lies to him and tells him that the spot used to be a toxic waste dump.  Michael calls the head of the Dodds Corporation and tries to take credit for finding the location where Gail wants to put the stadium.  This storyline would have been more effective if Michael and Gail were interesting characters.

Finally, Doug falls for an obsessive flight attendant who later tells him that she poisoned his coffee.  Doug panics, though he doesn’t actually die or anything so I think she was just lying to him.

I actually kind of liked this episode because I thought it was interesting to see how the members of the team distracted themselves before the game and how they celebrated after they won.  This episode was all about big personalities in a confined location and, with the exception of OJ, it featured some fine ensemble work from the cast.  Considering how much this show has struggled with finding a consistent tone from not only episode-to-episode but also from scene-to-scene, this was an unusually disciplined episode.

Next week, we finish up the fourth season!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.6 “Sandman”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicyclists continue to get in everyone’s way.

Episode 3.6 “Sandman”

(Dir by Terrence H. Winkless, originally aired on Sept. 21st, 1997)

A hitman named Robert “Sandman” Enright (John Michael Bolger) has been released from prison.  Because Enright was previously arrested by TC, TC decides to start harassing him as soon as he gets out of jail.  For a bunch of dorks on bikes, the Pacific Blue folks sure do enjoy abusing their power.

Anyway, Sandman is out for revenge against the three men who framed him.  And, since TC is tailing him everywhere, Sandman is able to manipulate TC into basically becoming his bodyguard.  The main theme of this episode is that TC is an idiot.

Speaking of idiots, Cory’s boyfriend, FBI Agent Tim Stone (David Lee Smith), confessed that he was thinking of getting back together with his ex.  With Chris’s support, Cory fought for her man.  Myself, I just struggled with the fact that Stone, TC, Palermo — and their actors, Smith, Jim Davidson, and Rick Rossovich — all basically looked like the same guy at different stages of his life.

Finally, Palermo, TC, and Victor played volleyball!  That was at the end of the episode and it went on for a while.  The whole scene felt like the show’s way of saying, “Hey, remember when Rick Rossovich was in Top Gun?  That was cool.”

As usual, this episode featured a lot of tough talk and intense looks, all of which were negated by the presence of grown-ups on bicycles.  Even when TC was spying on the Sandman, he did while sitting on his bicycle.  It just looked dumb.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 2.16 “Movin’ On Out”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

This week, guess who is the worst?

Episode 2.16 “Movin’ On Out’

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 19th, 2000)

This episode revisits a familiar theme.  Lisa — this is, the show’s Lisa as opposed to your intrepid, red-headed reviewer — is the absolute worse.  This week, Lisa is annoyed with Traycee because Traycee doesn’t always give Lisa her messages and Traycee sent the plumber home before he could fix the sink.  (Traycee thought Lisa was trying to set her up on a date with the plumber.)  Lisa says, “I can’t live like this” and proceeds to write up a long list of rules that Traycee will have to follow if she wants to continue living in the apartment.

(If I remember correctly, Traycee’s name is on the lease so how exactly Lisa is going to kick her out, I have no idea.)

It’s a really long list.  Traycee decides to move in with the Collins brothers.  The Collins brothers are excited because Traycee is planning on throwing a lingerie party with all of her friend.  (Jason and Scott assume they’ll be invited.)  Lisa tell Jason and Scott that they will regret letting Traycee move in but actually, Jason and Scott love living with her.

Meanwhile, Lisa gets a new roommate, who turns out to be a psychotic wrestling fan.  And really, that’s where this episode should have ended.  Lisa spent this episode acting like a spoiled snob, going so far as to tell other people — like the Collins brothers — not to let Traycee live with them.  Hey, Lisa — IT WAS TRAYCEE’S APARTMENT IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE!  And didn’t we already do this stupid story at the start of the season?  Yes, we did!  This episode should have ended with Lisa realizing her new roommate was crazy.  Instead, it ended with Lisa giving Traycee a not terribly convincing apology.

Anyway, Traycee does move back in with Lisa.  She was tired of the Collins boys always wanting her to throw another party.  Lisa kicks out her new roommate.  Has Lisa ever considered that she might be impossible to live with?

Fortunately, the B-plot was kind of cute.  After witnessing him saving the life of a sea lion, Alex develops a crush on Murray.  Murray likes Alex but he worries she’s too beautiful to ever stick with a guy like him.  Jason advices Murray to act like an obnoxious jackass because women love that.  (Excuse me while I dramatically roll my eyes.)  Murray takes Jason’s advice, even though Jason hasn’t had a girlfriend since Stads abandoned him for Europe.

(Seriously, Stads dumped Jason for a continent.  Ha ha, sucks to be you, Jason.)

This B-plot may have been dumb but you know what?  Brandon Brooks was adorable as the emotionally vulnerable Murray.  Brooks is often the only reason to watch this show.  He manages to play the goofy best friend without turning the character into a Screech-style caricature and that makes him unique amongst the goofy best friends who populated the sitcoms that Peter Engel produced in the 90s and early aughts.  When I watched the pilot, I never would have guessed that Murray would eventually become my favorite character but that is what has happened.  On a show where everyone else is either self-absorbed, bitchy, or just a jackass, Murray’s good vibes are often Malibu CA’s saving grace.

Silent Assassins (1988, directed by Lee Doo-yong and Scott Thomas)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

Elite cop Sam Kettle (Sam J. Jones) just wants to get out of Los Angeles and live a peaceful life with his girlfriend, Sara (Linda Blair), but the streets have other plans.  The evil Kendrick (Gustav Vintas) has kidnapped Dr. London (Bill Erwin) and is determined to get the code for a deadly bioweapon.  For reasons that are never made clear, Kendrick has also kidnapped young Joanna (Joanna Chong).  Backing Kendrick up is the evil Miss Amy (Rebecca Ferrati).  Backing up Kettle is Joanna’s uncle, Jun Kim (Jun Chong) and Bernard (Phillip Rhee), the son of Oyama (Mako), the owner of the local dojo.  Can Sam save the world, saved the doctor and the girl, and also save his relationship with Sara?

Silent Assassins is a terrifically fun martial arts movie.  The action is well-choreographed.  The film’s plot doesn’t make a bit of sense.  The movie is full of weird throw-away dialogue, like an offended Ms. Amy announcing that she’s “a biochemist too.”  Chong shows off his moves, Rhee plays his character as a playboy having the time of life, and Jones glowers at the camera as only Sam J. Jones can.  There’s an army of loud ninjas (so much for the silent part) and Vintas is so villainous that he even carries around a red rose as some sort of strange trademark.  The movie is full of weird details and no one seems to be taking any of it too seriously.  Movies like this are why people like me always went straight for the direct-to-video releases when we went to Blockbuster back in the day.

Linda Blair is second-billed.  When Lisa and I watched this movie, she kept track of Linda’s screentime.  Linda’s onscreen for a total of ten minutes and she spends most of that time doing the worried girlfriend thing.  It’s a sad waste of Linda Blair, the one misstep of an otherwise great experience.