Film Review: The FBI Story (dir by Mervyn LeRoy)


In 1959’s The FBI Story, veteran FBI agent Chip Hardesty (James Stewart) delivers a lecture to a group of new FBI recruits.  He tells them the story of both the FBI and his time as a member of the agency.  Somewhat implausibly, it turns out that Chip was involved with nearly every major FBI operation, as we discover while watching this flashback-filled, episodic film.

Battling the Ku Klux Klan in the Deep South?  Chip was there.

Investigating the Oklahoma Indian murders?  Chip was not only there but he was also the one who solved them through handwriting analysis!  (Decades later, the crimes and the investigation would serve as the basis of Martin Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon.)

During the public enemy era, Chip was there.  He was there when Baby Face Nelson killed several unarmed FBI agents, including Chip’s best friend (Murray Hamilton).  He was there when John Dillinger was gunned down in Chicago.  He was there when my distant ancestor “Pretty Boy” Floyd was killed in Ohio.  He wasn’t there when J. Edgar Hoover personally arrested Alvin Karpis or when “Machine Gun” Kelly said, “Don’t shoot, G-Man!” but Chip still makes sure to tell the recruits about it.  He also talks about the gunfight that killed Ma Barker, presented her as being a machine gun-toting madwoman.

Chip investigates subversives during World War II and helped to round up Americans of German and Japanese descent during the internment era.  (Chip insists that they weren’t rounded up because of their ancestry but because the FBI had gotten reports that they might be disloyal.)   When the war wraps up, Chip turns his attention to fighting the international communist conspiracy and good for him.  (Communism sucks!)

Strangely enough, it appears that Chip also tells the recruits a good deal about his personal life because we certainly do see a lot of it.  Chip marries a librarian named Lucy (Vera Miles), who struggles with the demands of being an FBI agent’s wife but who ultimately accepts that Chip has to do his duty.  Sometimes, Lucy wants Chip to quit and sometimes, Chip is tempted to get out.  But they always remember that Chip and the FBI have a job to do.  They raise a family.  They lose a son at Iwo Jima.  Their faith in God and country remains undiminished.

The FBI Story was made with the full cooperation of the FBI, with J. Edgar Hoover personally approving the script and making suggestions.  Hoover even appeared as himself in the film, accepting a report about an airplane bombing with a grim look on his face.  At one point, Chip is prepared to quit the FBI until he hears a speech from Hoover and he’s so inspired that he keeps his resignation letter tucked away in his suit pocket.  Since this film came out in 1959, there’s no details of the FBI tapping the phones of Martin Luther King or Hoover collecting dirt on his political opponents.  Instead, The FBI Story is pure propaganda, your reminder that law enforcement never makes mistakes and civil liberties can be always be sacrificed for the greater good.

It’s simplistic propaganda and it’s overlong and it promotes a few falsehoods as facts.  (Despite what the film says, Pretty Boy Floyd had nothing to do with the Kansas City Massacre and most historians agree that Ma Barker was not the criminal mastermind that Hoover made her out to be after she was caught in the crossfire between her sons and law enforcement.)  The film rather casually dismisses the concern over the World War II internments of American citizens.  To me, something like that is a big deal but the film insists to us that it was all blown out of proportion.  That’s the one moment when not even the film itself seems to be totally sold on what it’s selling.

Fortunately, the film stars the ever-reliable James Stewart, who brings his natural mix of charm and gravity to the role of Chip Hardesty.  Stewart was a bit too old to play Chip as a bumbling young man in the early part of the film but, as the character grows up, so does Stewart’s performance.  The scene where he and Vera Miles learn that his son has been killed in combat feels like it’s from a different and far better movie.  I guess my point here is that James Stewart was one of those actors who could make even questionable material watchable and that’s certainly what he does with The FBI Story.  The FBI, at a time when Hoover was aging and the excesses of the McCarthy era had left many Americans uneasy about the government, decides to borrow James Stewart’s credibility to boost their own.  You may not like the FBI but how can you not love Jimmy Stewart?

The FBI Story came out the same year as one of Stewart’s best films, Anatomy of a Murder, a film that was a complicated as The FBI Story was simplistic.  Stewart gives one of his best performances in Anatomy of a Murder, playing the type of character that Chip Hardesty probably wouldn’t want to have much to do with.  With these two films, Stewart showed us both sides of the American justice system, the men who are tasked with enforcing the law and, even more importantly, the men who are tasked with making sure that law was enforced fairly.  Whichever side your on, you have to be happy to have Jimmy Stewart there.

Insomnia Files #71 and #72: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (dir by Bruce Bilson) and Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders II (dir by Michael O’Herlihy)


What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or streaming? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night, you could have gone over to YouTube and watched 1979’s Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders!  And then, if you were still having trouble getting to sleep, you could have followed it up with 1980’s Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders II!  And then if you were somehow still not able to get any rest …. well, sorry.  There’s only two of them.  I guess you could watch that Making the Team show.  I don’t know.

Anyway, back to the movies!

The first Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders stars Jane Seymour as a serious journalist who at first scoffs at the idea of going undercover as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader.  But her ex-boyfriend and editor (Bert Convy) insists that she take the assignment.  Jane goes undercover and even makes the squad!  (It’s never mentioned whether she has any sort of dance or cheerleading experience so I find it a bit odd that she actually made it onto a professional cheerleading squad but whatever….)  Seymour gets to know the other members of the Squad, including the Love Boat’s Lauren Tewes.  She comes to realize that she doesn’t want to write up a tabloid story about the cheerleaders.  These are “good, down home girls,” she tells Convy.  Convy doesn’t care.  He wants scandal!

He’s not going to get it, though.  The main message of this film is that the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are basically saints with pom poms.  Sure, one of them has a loser ex-boyfriend.  And another one of them struggles a bit with the routines.  It’s not an easy job but, in the end, everyone does their bit to support the team!

It’s all pretty silly but I’m from Dallas and I’m surrounded by Cowboy fans who have been complaining nonstop about the team for as long as I can remember so I enjoyed watching a movie that portrayed the Cowboys organization as being the greatest group of people on the planet.  (No drug or gun problems here!)  It’s very much a film of the 70s, made for television and straddling the line between being exploitive and being wholesome.  Yes, the costumes are skimpy but no one smokes, drinks, or curses.  The film features soapy drama, actual Dallas locations, 70s fashion, a great disco soundtrack, and dorky Bert Convy as a womanizer.  Plus, like me, Jane Seymour has mismatched eyes.  How can you not love this film!?

As for the sequel, it ditches almost everyone from the first film.  Only Laraine Stephens, as the squad’s no-nonsense coach, returns.  She’s got a whole new squad to deal with and only a limited amount of time to perfect the cheer that will win the Cowboys the Super….sorry, I mean to say the playoff game.  Whenever anyone in the film says, “playoff game,” their lips read “Super Bowl,” so I guess there was some last-minute tinkering after shooting was completed.  The squad also has to get ready to tour with the USO and to perform at a children’s hospital.  (Ray Wise appears as a doctor at the children’s hospital.)  The Cheerleaders are not only going to bring peace to the world but they’re also going to give those children the inspiration they need to get better.  Yay!

This one isn’t as much fun, largely because Laraine Stephens’s character isn’t that much fun.  The first film featured the very British Jane Seymour in Texas, somehow becoming a member of an all-American football team’s cheerleading squad and it was impossible not to enjoy the implausibility of it all.  The second film is just Laraine Stephens getting mad at people for not having the routine down to perfection.  No thanks, movie, I’m done with dealing with demanding choreographers.  There’s a reason why I turned down all of those offers to join the cheer squad in high school.  (For the record, my sister was the greatest cheerleader our high school ever had or ever will have!  Erin watched the first movie with me a few weeks ago.  She said it was okay but she didn’t think Jane Seymour was a convincing cheerleader.)

According to what I’ve read online, the first Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders film was a huge rating success.  The second film was less so, which I guess is why there was never a third.

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid
  46. Enter the Ninja
  47. Downhill
  48. Malice
  49. Mystery Date
  50. Zola
  51. Ira & Abby
  52. The Next Karate Kid
  53. A Nightmare on Drug Street
  54. Jud
  55. FTA
  56. Exterminators of the Year 3000
  57. Boris Karloff: The Man Behind The Monster
  58. The Haunting of Helen Walker
  59. True Spirit
  60. Project Kill
  61. Replica
  62. Rollergator
  63. Hillbillys In A Haunted House
  64. Once Upon A Midnight Scary
  65. Girl Lost
  66. Ghosts Can’t Do It
  67. Heist
  68. Mind, Body & Soul
  69. Candy
  70. Shortcut to Happiness

Music Video of the Way: Will You Help Me Repair My Door by Afroman (2022, dir by Afroman)


In 2022, sheriff’s deputies in Adams County, Ohio raided the home of rapper Afroman.  According to the warrant, they were doing so on suspicion of drug trafficking and kidnapping.  They found neither drugs nor kidnapping victims but they did find and seize over $5,000 worth of Afroman’s money.  The money was later returned, with $400 of it missing.  During the raid, they also damaged the front gate, blow up a door, and illegally turned off the house’s security cameras.

Afroman responded with three songs about the raid, all utilizing the footage that security cameras recorded before being shut down.  The deputies attempted to sue, claiming that the videos were an invasion of their privacy.  The judge eventually threw out their lawsuit though another lawsuit, claiming that the video and the songs “defamed” the deputies was allowed to proceed.

So, I guess you should enjoy the video for Will You Help Me Repair My Door? while you still can.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.16 “The Waiting Room”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, on Monsters, a dark room leads to trouble.

Episode 3.16 “The Waiting Room”

(Dir by Philip Alderton, originally aired on January 13th, 1991)

Newlyweds John (Christian Jules LeBlanc) and Catherine (Lisa Waltz) are invited to come stay at an isolated hotel by John’s father, Benjamin (John Saxon).  Benjamin explains that the hotel is where he spent his honeymoon.  He tells Catherine, “Your husband was conceived in this very room.”  Uhmm …. okay.  That’s not a creepy thing for a father-in-law to say or anything.

When John disappears, Benjamin tells Catherine the truth.  On his wedding night, Benjamin cheated on his wife with a mysterious woman (Denise Gentile) who was staying in a darkened room that appeared to be next door to Benjamin’s.  The woman turned out to be an otherworldly creature, one who lived between the real world and spirit world.  The woman trapped Benjamin in the room, only allowing him to go after he promised to give her a child.

Benjamin thought he had escaped the woman but, over the years, he discovered that she would show up whenever he walked into a dark room.  For that reason, he always has all of the lights on.  Now, John has been captured by the woman and it seems like she’ll only exchange him for Benjamin.  The problem is that Benjamin doesn’t want to go….

Now, this was a good episode of Monsters!  The story was interesting, the direction was atmospheric, the monsters were menacing, and the entire cast did a good job of bringing their characters to life.  John Saxon especially gave a good performance as the guilt-ridden Benjamin, alternating between moments of sublime creepiness, truly pathetic cowardice, and very real regret.  For once, the story felt neither rushed nor incomplete.  In 21-minutes, this episode told an effective story that stayed with the viewer, even after the macabre ending.

Anthology shows are, by their very nature, uneven but the third season of Monsters really did feature some excellent episodes.  This was definitely one of the best.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.26 “Pal-I-Mony-O-Mine/Does Father Know Best?/An ‘A’ for Gopher”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Ted Lange presents three stories of cruise ship love.

Episode 5.26 “Pal-I-Mony-O-Mine/Does Father Know Best?/An ‘A’ for Gopher”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on April 10th, 1982)

Dr. John Hanson (Ben Vereen) boards the ship with his new girlfriend, attorney Jenny Brooks (Denise Nicholas).  John is shocked to discover that his former girlfriend, Ellen (Lynne Moody), is also on the cruise.  Jenny befriends Ellen and, after listening to all the details of how Jenny supported John while he was going through medical school, she suggests that Ellen should sue John for palimony.  Jenny even offers to help Ellen and John figure out how much John owes her.  John agrees.  As he and Ellen itemize their former relationship, they come to realize that they’re still in love.  Sorry, Jenny!  Jenny leaves the boat alone.  John and Ellen leave the boat engaged.  (Jenny does give them a bill for her legal services.  John and Ellen have a good laugh.)

WOW!  That’s not the type of story that you regularly see on The Love Boat.  It’s rare for a passenger to leave as angry as Jenny did.  What’s surprising is that neither Ellen nor John seemed to feel that bad about Jenny getting her heart broken.  Then again, what was Jenny thinking when she invited Ellen back into their lives to begin with?  This is why you’re never friendly with your significant other’s exes.  I don’t care how nice they seem or act.  They’re all potential enemies!  I don’t care how polite they are when they approach you outside the Dallas Museum of Art and start speaking in their fakeass British accent, don’t trust them …. well, anyway, let’s move on.

Gopher is super-excited when his junior high English teacher, Susan Wilkham (Susan Strasberg), boards the ship.  Gopher explains that he’s always had a crush on her and, now that Gopher is an adult, Susan appears to also now have a crush on him.  (Don’t freak out, she doesn’t even realize he was a former student until he specifically mentions that he was in her class.)  Except …. oh no!  Captain Stubing has a crush on her as well!  Well, don’t worry.  Things work out for Gopher.  While Vicki does not get a stepmother, Gopher gets a girlfriend who we will probably never hear about again.  Fred Grandy and Susan Strasberg made for a surprisingly cute couple.  (It helped that they both appeared to be the same age, despite the show’s effort to cast her as being “the older woman.”)  Good for Gopher, it’s about time something good happened to him.

Finally, a father (Lloyd Bochner) encourages his nerdy son (Kevin Brophy) to hit on a beautiful but snobbish blonde (Kristina Wayborn).  The son prefers the blonde’s shy best friend (Patty Freedman).  On every episode of The Love Boat, there’s one story that doesn’t amount too much and that what this story was.

Hey, this episode was directed by Isaac Washington himself, Mr. Ted Lange!  Obviously, The Love Boat isn’t really a show that demands or even allows an auteurist approach but I will say that this was one of the better acted episodes that I’ve seen.  Vereen and Moody, Grandy and Strasberg, they all had plenty of chemistry.  This was a truly pleasant cruise, despite Jenny’s anger.

 

 

The Eric Roberts Collection: The Rideshare Killer (dir by Ashley Scott Meyers)


W-Ride!  W-Ride!  W-Ride!

2022’s The Rideshare Killer ends with the creation of W-Ride, a rideshare app for women only.  All of the drivers are women.  All of other passengers are women.  Men are not allowed to get in the car.  The sounds like a good idea to me, though I imagine it would probably lead to a lawsuit in real life.  Actually, forget probably.  It would definitely lead to a lawsuit.  That said, I would still download the app.

Unfortunately, Julia (Tuesday Knight) only comes up with the idea after almost all of her friends and co-workers are murdered by a serial killer.  Julia is the CEO of Rock N Ride, the rideshare app that is singlehandedly making taxis obsolete.  She and two friends run it from her living room.  They all have laptops so we know they’re coders.  Who is the killer?  I won’t spoil it, beyond saying that it won’t take you by surprise.  That said, I did laugh out loud when I heard the killer’s motive because it seems like something that could have been accomplished without necessarily becoming a serial killer.  Someone obviously did not think things through before deciding to become a criminal.

The main reason I watched this movie was because Eric Roberts was in it.  He plays the detective who is investigating the murders.  It’s a typical Eric Roberts cameo.  He delivers his lines with his signature half-smile, as if he can’t believe the kids today with their laptops and the rideshares.  As for the rest of the movie, it’s pretty dire.  The budget was obviously low and the cast stiffly delivers their lines with the type of overly precise diction that one would expect to hear in a high school theatrical production.  Tuesday Knight is not a bad actress but she’s tripped up by a poorly written script.

That said, I’ll never get W-Ride W-ride W-ride out of my head.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Star 80 (1983)
  2. Runaway Train (1985)
  3. Best of the Best (1989)
  4. Blood Red (1989)
  5. The Ambulance (1990)
  6. The Lost Capone (1990)
  7. Best of the Best II (1993)
  8. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  9. Voyage (1993)
  10. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  11. Sensation (1994)
  12. Dark Angel (1996)
  13. Doctor Who (1996)
  14. Most Wanted (1997)
  15. Mercy Streets (2000)
  16. Raptor (2001)
  17. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  18. Strange Frequency (2001)
  19. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  20. Border Blues (2004)
  21. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  22. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  23. We Belong Together (2005)
  24. Hey You (2006)
  25. Depth Charge (2008)
  26. Amazing Racer (2009)
  27. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  28. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  29. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  30. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  31. The Expendables (2010) 
  32. Sharktopus (2010)
  33. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  34. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  35. Deadline (2012)
  36. The Mark (2012)
  37. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  38. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  39. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  40. Lovelace (2013)
  41. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  42. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  43. Self-Storage (2013)
  44. Sink Hole (2013)
  45. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  46. This Is Our Time (2013)
  47. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  48. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  49. Inherent Vice (2014)
  50. Road to the Open (2014)
  51. Rumors of War (2014)
  52. Amityville Death House (2015)
  53. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  54. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  55. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  56. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  57. Enemy Within (2016)
  58. Hunting Season (2016)
  59. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  60. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  61. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  62. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  63. Dark Image (2017)
  64. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  65. Black Wake (2018)
  66. Frank and Ava (2018)
  67. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  68. Clinton Island (2019)
  69. Monster Island (2019)
  70. The Reliant (2019)
  71. The Savant (2019)
  72. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  73. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  74. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  75. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  76. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  77. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  78. Top Gunner (2020)
  79. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  80. The Elevator (2021)
  81. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  82. Killer Advice (2021)
  83. Megaboa (2021)
  84. Night Night (2021)
  85. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  86. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  87. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  88. Bleach (2022)
  89. Dawn (2022)
  90. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  91. 69 Parts (2022)
  92. D.C. Down (2023)
  93. Aftermath (2024)
  94. Bad Substitute (2024)
  95. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  96. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  97. When It Rains In L.A. (2025

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.2 “Daystalker”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the Daystalker stalks wherever it is that this show takes place.

Episode 2.2 “Daystalker”

(Dir by Don Michael Paul, originally aired on August 24th, 1996)

After his girlfriend Sandy (Cindy Ambuehl) is assaulted by a serial rapist, TC becomes obsessed with tracking the so-called Daystalker down.  Detective Bonnie Wilson (Gwen McGee), sent to the beach to head up the investigation, thinks that the Daystalker is going to eventually move on from rape to murder.  She also thinks that TC is a loose cannon who is going to spook the Daystalker into moving to another city before he can be captured and prosecuted for his crimes.  Cory is set up as a decoy and soon finds herself being followed by the Daystalker.  Meanwhile, the terribly traumatized Sandy struggles with PTSD.

And, while that’s going on, Elvis and Victor try to get a Rastafarian to take a hex off of them!

This episode epitomizes one of the things that really bugs me out Pacific Blue.  On the one hand, we have a very serious storyline about a serial rapist and one of his traumatized victims.  A scene where Sandy has to leave a self-defense class because it’s triggers a flashback is a powerful and honest moment, certainly more powerful than anything you would expect to see on a show like Pacific Blue.  On the other hand, we have this totally cartoonish subplot about a random Rastafarian putting a hex on Elvis and Victor.  At a time when the entire bike patrol is supposed to be out looking for a serial rapist who has assaulted their best friend’s girlfriend, Victor and Chris are laughing because Elvis thinks the hex is making his hair fall out.  Never mind the stupidity of the hex plot.  Tonally, the two plots don’t go together.  With this episode, Pacific Blue reveals that it still doesn’t know if it wants to be a gritty crime drama or just Baywatch on bicycles.

This could have been a very strong episodes.  There were moments and lines of dialogue that really stood out for being considerably more thoughtful than one might expect from this show.  But it was still an episode of Pacific Blue, which means that the camera still lingered on random women in bikinis and way too much time was spent on TC saying, “I have to do something!”  Only TC could make his girlfriend’s rape about himself and only Pacific Blue would let him get away with that.

Even when they’re dealing with a serious issue as they did for half of this episode, it’s hard to escape the fact that these people are bicycle cops.  The bicycles, the crisp white shirts, the shorts …. it just makes it hard to them seriously.  This was yet another episode where a lot of time was spent with Palermo and TC explaining that bike cops are real cops.  We’re at the start of the second season here.  If you’re still having to justify your existence at this point, you’re never going to do it.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.14 “Revenge of the Forgotten/Charo”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week epitomizes an era!

Episode 6.14 “Revenge of the Forgotten/Charo”

(Dir by Phillip Leacock, originally aired on February 19th, 1983)

Just the fact that one of this week’s fantasies is actually entitled “Charo” should tell you all you need to know about it.  Charo plays Maria Diaz (her full name is much longer), who has come to Fantasy Island to meet her father.  Charles Woodruff (Van Johnson) didn’t even know that he had a daughter but he takes the news surprisingly well.

The interesting thing about this fantasy is that Charles Woodruff is an American diplomat, who has a home in both New York City and Fantasy Island.  As Fantasy Island has previously been established as being its own nation, you do have to wonder if perhaps Charles Woodruff is America’s ambassador to Fantasy Island.  A large part of the fantasy involves him hosting a dinner for several other diplomats so I guess it’s possible that every country sends an ambassador to Fantasy Island.  Perhaps Fantasy Island even sends a delegate to the United Nations.  Maybe that would explain where Tattoo was during all of those season 5 episodes where Julie was suddenly Roarke’s sidekick.  For that matter, maybe that’s where Julie is now.  The show never has really explained what happened to her.

Anyway, how much you like this fantasy will depend on how much you like Charo.  She is someone who definitely epitomizes an era and, of course, the same can be said of both The Love Boat and Fantasy Island.  It’s interesting that, over the years, there have been multiple attempts to reboot both of those series and they’ve never really worked, largely because a good deal of the appeal of Love Boat and Fantasy Island is how much they really are a product of the 70s and 80s.  Attempting to update them for the modern era tends to negate everything that make both of the shows so entertaining to watch today.

(The latest Fox update of Fantasy Island had a lot of gorgeous scenery but it got bogged down in all of its attempts to world build.  It’s fun to speculate about how the Island works.  It’s less fun to actually have the show explain it to us.)

As for the other fantasy, it involves Marjoe Gortner!  As usual, Marjoe’s playing a villain.  He’s cast as Loren Robertson, who framed Alan Daly (Steve Kanaly) for a crime that he didn’t commit and then tricked Alan’s girlfriend, Marion (Christine Belford), into marrying him.  Recently released from prison, Alan comes to Fantasy Island to track down a fabled treasure that Alan believes he can use to restart his life.  With the help of Tattoo (who dresses up like Indiana Jones), Alan finds the treasure but, when he sees Loren and Marion on the Island, Alan gets distracted by his desire for revenge.

This story was a bit of an odd one.  Alan’s fantasy was to find the treasure and, after he found it, Roarke was like, “So, I guess you’ll be leaving now.”  Instead, Alan decides to spend a full weekend on the Island to try to get revenge.  I’ve never seen Roarke try to get a guest to leave early before but it’s even more strange to be reminded that somehow all of these fantasies occur over the course of one weekend.  Some episodes have seemed like a bit much for just two or three days.

Despite the fact that this episode originally aired in 1983, it doesn’t get more 70s than Charo and Marjoe!  Charo was her usual self.  Marjoe was a great villain as always.  This was an enjoyable trip to the Island.