Matt Borlenghi – Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week’s episode is stupid even for Pacific Blue.

Episode 4.19 “Near Death”

(Dir by Gary Winter, originally aired on April 4th, 1999)

Before I say anything else about this episode, allow me to say this: Ugh.

Okay, so check this out. A group of home invaders, led by Claire (Monica Louwerens) and her husband Milo (Matt Borlenghi), are in a van, fleeing from their latest robbery. TC, Chris, Cory, and Bobby are all chasing after them on their bikes. The van takes a sharp turn, the passenger-side door flies open, and Claire falls out. TC swerves to avoid Claire and is thrown straight into an electrical junction box. TC gets electrocuted.

Cory, Chris, and Bobby all arrive and immediately run over to TC. TC isn’t breathing. There’s no heartbeat. Cory and Bobby perform CPR. TC, meanwhile, is having a near-death experience, which means that we get a montage of old clips. They manage to bring TC back to life, but no one bothers to check on Claire. Claire ends up in a coma and subsequently dies at the hospital. Milo blames the cops for ignoring his wife while all of them gathered around TC.

…and Milo is absolutely right. Don’t get me wrong. It makes sense that Cory, Bobby, and especially Chris would be worried about TC. But it doesn’t change the fact that they basically just left another gravely injured person on the street while they gathered around TC. This is not the first time that something like this happened on Pacific Blue, and it’s yet another example of our heroes being rather selfish people.

Later, Cory announces to all the other bicycle cops that their first priority is to track down Milo and his gang because “this one is personal.” In other words, don’t worry about any of the other crimes that might be happening in Santa Monica because those crimes don’t directly involve any of the show’s stars. As is often the case with this show, it’s never really explained why the case apparently only belongs to the bicycle patrol. We don’t see any burglary detectives investigating the home invasions or anything like that. I guess the bike patrol has jurisdiction over everything.

As for TC, he reacts to his near-death experience by becoming more philosophical. He’s determined to always tell the truth. Over the course of the episode, he insults all four of the rookies: Granger, Cruz, Jamie, and Monica. Later, once TC starts to return to normal, he apologizes to Granger, Cruz, and Jamie but smirks when Monica asks if TC has anything he wants to say to her. “Nope,” he says. It’s kind of weird how this show wants its audience to hate Monica despite the fact that Monica is usually the only one of the cops who can be depended upon to do her job.

This episode really annoyed me. There was just something really annoying about a show about bicycle cops attempting to impart some sort of philosophical message about life. Did no one consider that TC is nowhere near a deep enough character to be believable as someone who worries about the larger questions of existence? Did no one consider that Jim Davidson’s limited range made him exactly the wrong actor for this type of story? In the past, TC was always dull but reliable. In this episode, he’s condescending. Since Chris and Cory were already condescending and have been for several seasons, TC joining them pushed this episode to new heights of unearned smugness.

This was an annoying episode. At least no one went undercover.

I recorded Lethal Admirer off of Lifetime on April 15th.

My friends and I have long debated which episode of Boy Meets World is the worst.

My friend Jen has often said that the worst episode was the one where Eric wanted to adopt a kid and she has a pretty good point, there. Some others have said that the worst episode was the one where Cory acts like an immature jackass when his mom dares to give birth on a day that he wanted to spend exclusively with Topanga and, again, I think they have a valid point.

Speaking for myself. I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities.

First off, there’s the episode where Shawn joins a cult and Cory starts grabbing him and going, “This is a hug, Shawn! THIS! THIS IS A HUG!” The other one is the episode where Cory and Topanga crash a complete stranger’s wedding and Cory makes their special day all about him.

You know which one I’m talking about. Cory and Topanga know no one at the wedding. The only reason that they’re there is so they can get ideas for the own wedding. Still, Cory feels the needs to stand up during the ceremony and give a lengthy speech about how creepily obsessed he is with his fiancée and how he hopes that the newlyweds will be as much in love with each other as Cory is with Topanga.

The worst thing about this scene is that everyone at the wedding is touched by Cory’s speech. Nobody says, “And you are?” No one questions why some strange teenager is making the ceremony all about himself. No one asks why Cory is suddenly the world’s authority on love. Add to that, beyond Cory being incredibly self-centered, it’s just an extremely awkward moment. I mean, it’s bad enough to crash someone’s wedding but then to interrupt with some halfassed speech about yourself? You feel embarrassed for Cory, for everyone at the wedding, and especially for Topanga.

Well, believe it or not, Lethal Admirer contains a scene that is just as thoroughly awkward as Cory’s wedding speech. This scene also takes place at a wedding. Unlike Cory and Topanga, Lloyd (Drew Seeley) is not crashing the wedding. He was actually invited to attend by his friend and former co-worker, Megan (Karissa Lee Staples). The only reason Megan invited Lloyd to come with her is because her boyfriend, Chris (Brian Ames), broke his leg when he fell off a ladder. Megan considers Lloyd to be a friend and even wants to set him up with her sister (Courtney Hope). However, Lloyd is convinced that Megan loves him. As Lloyd explains it, his mother has always told him that he has to take big chances and Lloyd does just that at the wedding reception.

And, oh my God! Anyone who has ever had a friend declare their love at the worst possible moment will be cringing with flashbacks!

Of course, it’s not just that Lloyd has no clue about how to socially interact with people. It’s also that Lloyd’s a little bit crazy. In fact, he’s just crazy enough to have killed both Megan’s former boyfriend and her current boss. Remember that ladder that Chris fell off of? Well, that was no accident. Nor was it an accident that, after Megan moved across the country, Lloyd suddenly showed up in her new city. Lloyd is obsessed with Megan and Megan, for whatever reason, is pretty much clueless until it’s too late.

It’s a typical Lifetime movie scenario but Lethal Admirer is distinguished by a script that makes the very wise decision not to take itself too seriously. It never becomes a full-blown comedy like A Deadly Adoption but the script of Lethal Admirer features enough one-liners and random nonsequiturs to indicate that the filmmakers were determined to have a little bit fun with the typical Lifetime formula. I especially liked the interactions between Megan and her sister. Their relationship rang true.

Also ringing true was the character of Lloyd, who was definitely strange but also just charming enough that you could legitimately accept the idea of Megan wanting to be his friend. Drew Seeley provided an indelible portrait of a nerd scorned in this film. His little smile when Megan assured him that he could pass for an intellectual hipster was both deeply creepy and kind of sweet at the same time.

Lethal Admirer was a good Lifetime flick. If nothing else, it should be shown to everyone as an example of what not to do at a wedding.