Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 1.22 “Heat Rays”

Posted on April 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on You tube!

This week, season one comes to a close.

Episode 1.22 “Heat Rays”

(Dir by Peter Roger Hunt, originally aired on May 18th, 1996)

The first season wraps up with an episode that doesn’t really add up too much.

As was typical of the latter half of this show’s first season, this episode actually tells two separate stories. In the first one, Donna is stopped while driving at night by three panicked people on a bridge. They say that their friend is in the water below. Donna jumps into the ocean, just to discover that it was all a trick to steal her car.

Donna floats around for a while. She passes the time by talking to herself. To be honest, she holds up surprisingly well for someone who is stranded in the middle of the ocean. Eventually, a boat stops to help her. Unfortunately, the two men on the boat are drug dealers and, when they’re both shot by a bunch of guys on a bigger boat, it’s up to Donna to save them and get them to dry land.

That may sound like an intriguing storyline but, oddly enough, it gets abandoned fairly quickly. I kept waiting for Donna’s storyline to somehow intersect with the other storyline but it never did. No one even thought to say, “Hey, where’s Donna?” If I was Donna, I would be pretty mad about that.

As for the other storyline, it features Mitch, Garner, and Ryan investigating a series of murders and attempted murders that all involve the members of an old surf band called The Heat Rays. It ultimately turns out that they’re being targeted by the daughter (Christa Sauls) of a woman (played by Judy Geeson) who was raped by several members of the band.

Again, that may sound like a storyline that has the potential to be intriguing. And there is an interesting subtext to the story, as Mitch and Garner are forced to admit that their favorite band wasn’t as innocent and wholesome as they chose to remember. But, in typical Baywatch Nights fashion, the story was a bit too predictable to really work. It was easy to figure out who the murderer was because there was really only one suspect from the start.

This episode had a violent streak just felt out of place. Baywatch Nights, in both its first season and its supernatural-themed second season, was essentially a goofy detective show starring David Hasselhoff. Having multiple people die over the course of one episode just didn’t feel right for such a lightweight show. Some shows are meant to be violent. Some shows are at their best when they embrace their inherent silliness. Baywatch Nights is the latter type of show.

So much for the first season. Unfortunately, the show never really found a consistent identity or style during the first season. However, that would change with the second season.

We’ll find out how next week!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

Posted on April 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week is a bit uneven. Let’s dive into it!

Episode 4.21 “Basin Street/The Devil’s Triangle”

(Dir by George W. Brooks, originally aired on May 2nd, 1981)

Pilot Clay Garrett (Joe Namath — yes, the goofy football player) and cameraman Tom Spencer (Christopher Connelly) have come to Fantasy Island with Kerry Dawson (Trish Stewart). Kerry is the host of a show where she explores isolated locations of the world. Clay flies her where she’s going. Tom films her. Throughout the episode, it is suggested that — much like the characters at the center of Cannibal Holocaust — they’ve occasionally been guilty of staging the footage that has made them famous.

Kerry wants to search for the remains of an airplane that disappeared over 40 years ago. The plane was flown by the famed aviatrix Wilma Deitrich. Why they don’t just admit that Wilma is a stand-in for Amelia Earhart, I have no idea. Mr. Roarke warns Kerry that the fantasy could be dangerous but he does not stop Clay, Tom, and Kerry from boarding a plane and then flying out across the ocean.

The plane ends up in the Devil’s Triangle, which I guess is this show’s version of the Bermuda Triangle. The plane crashes on an uncharted island. Kerry gets bitten by a snake and Clay sucks out the poison before he and Tom set off to look for the remains of Wilma’s plane. Clay and Tom, incidentally, are both in love with Wilma. Will Wilma select the boring cameraman or the boring pilot who sucked snake venom out of her body?

It’s a question that would perhaps be more compelling if Kerry had the slightest bit of chemistry with either man. But she doesn’t. Joe Namath is as stiff here as he was in C.C. and Company. Christopher Connelly looks bored. Kerry does eventually pick Clay so hopefully, they’ll be happy together.

(And yes, they do get off the island. They find the wreckage of Wilma’s plane and use it to repair their own plane. Amazingly, Wilma’s plan is still full of operational parts despite having spent over 40 years sitting on a deserted island.)

As for the other fantasy, Charlie Raines (Cleavon Little) wants to go to turn of the century New Orleans and meet his hero, jazzman Camptown Dodd (Raymond St. Jacques). Roarke and Tattoo give him a magic clarinet and send him to New Orleans, where he immediately finds himself auditioning for Camptown. Camptown wants Charlie to not only join his band but also lead it after his death.

DEATH!?

Yes, death. Camptown refuses to sell Opium in his club and, as a result, he has been targeted for assassination by a corrupt police officer. Charlie is so upset about this that Roarke himself steps into the fantasy to let Charlie know that he can’t change the past.

Okay, so Charlie can’t save Camptown but surely, he can bring Billie Joe (Berlinda Tolbert) into the present with him, right? Afterall, Charlie has fallen in love with her. No, Roarke says, that’s not how it works.

Fear not, though! Once he’s in the present, Charlie discovers that Billie Joe was actually a guest at the Island and that Roarke combined two fantasies into one. Yay!

The jazz fantasy was predictable but it was still better than the other fantasy. Cleavon Little, Raymond St. Jacques, and Berlinda Tolbert all actually seemed to be invested in their characters, which made them a lot more fun to watch than the stiffs on the deserted island.

This week’s trip to the Island was a bit uneven. The jazz fantasy was occasionally entertaining. The other fantasy was forgettable. I don’t hold that against, Mr. Roarke. That’s just the way it goes sometimes.

Music Video of the Day: You Know My Name by Courtney Love (2014, dir by Maximilla Lukacs)

Posted on April 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yesterday, I saw that Courtney Love was trending on the site formerly known as Twitter. Assuming that the news would be bad, I clicked to find out why.

It turned out that the news was not bad at all. Courtney gave an interview in which she said that she personally didn’t care for Beyonce’s music and that she thought Taylor Swift was boring. Needless to say, the fandoms are in an uproar over someone daring to have a different opinion. Personally, regardless of my feelings about any of the singers that she mentioned, I applaud Courtney Love for reminding us that we are not required to all feel the same way about every artist. There’s nothing wrong with having your own tastes.

A lot of Swifties responded to the interview by tweeting, “Who is Courtney Love?”

She’s been around for a while. Maybe today’s music video of the day will help.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.22 “Flashback!”

Posted on April 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, the first season comes to a close!

Episode 1.22 “Flashback!”

(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on April 1st, 1978)

When a recent graduate from te motor school joins the unit, he immediately rubs everyone the wrong way. Brent Delaney (Joe Penny) may have graduated at the top of his class but, as Baker points out, he flunked public relations and everyone quickly tires of his holier-than-thou approach to policing. Add to that, his father is a bigshot politician and everyone assumes that Delaney is just some rich kid who got the job through his connections. Delaney’s arrogant and cocky attitude doesn’t do much to change that impression.

Fortunately, Baker and Ponch are both willing to look past Delaney’s cockiness. In fact, they spend the majority of the episode remembering how, one day, a CHiP officer named Jon Baker met a cocky dirt bike rider named Ponch (Erik Estrada) and also how Baker talked Ponch into applying for a spot on the force. No one gave Ponch much of a chance, largely because of his background as a juvenile delinquent and his friendship with a gang leader named Henry (Edward James Olmos). But, soon, Ponch and Baker were patrolling the streets and rescuing two women who were trapped in a car that they accidentally drove into a swimming pool. Ponch proved himself. Will Delaney?

Yes, this a flashback episode but, interestingly enough, most of the flashbacks appear to have been shot specifically for this episode. (There were two clips that I recognized as coming from the show’s pilot but the rest of the flashbacks appeared to be original.) The flashbacks don’t play out in a chronological order, either. Instead, they are somewhat randomly triggered by Ponch or Baker hearing an engine backfiring or spotting some person on a bike. This episode comes as close as one can to answering the question of what a cop show directed by Nicolas Roeg would look like.

As for Delaney, he eventually proves his worth when he takes down a group of bikers who were stealing CHP motorcycles. (One of the bikers is played by John Furey, who is best-known for playing Paul in Friday the 13th Part II.) It’s a pretty good thing that Delaney caught those guys, seeing as how his motorcycle was one of those that was stolen. Having proven himself, Delaney is welcomed into the CHP. Even the formerly skeptical Grossman and Bear end up shaking his hand and telling him that he did a good job. Way to go, Delaney! I imagine we’ll never see him again.

And so ends the first season of CHiPs. It was a fun season. There was nothing particularly challenging about any of the first 22 episodes but the scenery was gorgeous and some of the chase scenes were exciting. That’s really all you can ask for with a show like this. Though I understand that Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada did not particularly like each other, that wasn’t obvious during the first season. In fact, even Estrada’s tendency to overact was nicely paired with Wilcox’s tendency to do the opposite. For the first season at least, they came across like legitimate partners and friends.

Next week, we start season 2!

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Easy Money!

Posted on April 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter and occasion ally Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of Mastodon’s #MondayActionMovie ! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We snark our way through it.

After we finish up this week’s #MondayActionMovie on Mastodon, we will be hopping over to twitter where #MondayMuggers will be showing 1983’s Easy Money! The film is on Prime and Tubi and it starts at 10 pm et!

It should make for a night of fun viewing and I invite all of you to join in. If you want to join the live tweets, just hop onto Mastodon, pull up Truth or Dare on YouTube, start the movie at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag! Then switch over to twitter, pull Easy Money up on Prime, and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!

Enjoy!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.10 “Bought and Paid For”

Posted on April 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, things get bleak.

Episode 2.9 “Bought For Paid For”

(Dir by John Nicolella, originally aired on November 29th, 1985)

This is a dark episode.

It opens with Gina’s friend, a Haitian immigrant named Odette (Lynn Whitfield), being attacked and raped in Gina’s apartment. The rapist is easily identified as Nico Arroyo (Joaquim de Almeida), the sociopathic son of a Bolivian general (Tomas Milian) who has been exiled to Miami after a failed coup attempt. Odette used to work as a maid in the general’s Art Deco mansion and Nico is obsessed with her.

Gina is able to convince Odette to testify against Nico but then the general brings Odette’s mother to America and offers her a good deal of money in return for Odette agreeing to testify that the encounter with Nico was consensual. Because her family is poor and desperately needs the money, Odette agrees. With the charges dropped, Nico goes to Odette’s home and kills her.

Gina goes to the general’s mansion and confronts Nico, knowing that it will lead to him trying to attack her in her apartment. When Nico shows up, he’s carrying a switchblade but he drops it as soon as he sees that Gina has a gun. Gina shoots him dead.

Watching this show, one gets the feeling that being a supporting player on Miami Vice could be a thankless task. Switek, Zito, Trudy, and Gina are in every episode but they rarely get to do much. This week Gina gets to have a moment and Saundra Santiago makes the most of it. This episode exists in the shadow of the first season’s Give A Little, Take A Little, in which Gina was raped by Burt Young and, at the end of the episode, shot him dead as well. At one point, when Sonny is arguing that Gina needs to accept that Odette is not going to press charges against Nico, Gina says that he knows why she can’t do that. Later, after Odette dies, Gina fears that, because of her own experience, she may have pushed Odette too hard. In the end, Gina shoots and kills an unarmed man, just as she did in Give A Little, Take A Little. It’s a ruthless move but both of the men were scum who totally deserved it. It’s hard not to appreciate the idea of Gina serving as Miami’s version of Ms. 45.

As I said at the start of this review, this is a dark episode. Nico’s father committed war crimes in Bolivia but now he’s remade himself as a respectable member of Miami society. Nico and his father live in a fabulous mansion and Nico spends his day lounging by the pool. Meanwhile, Odette struggles day-to-day and is essentially sold out by her own mother. (One of the things that gives Nico away as the rapist is the fact that Sonny recognizes the smell of his extremely expensive — and apparently rather pungent — cologne on Odette’s clothes.) Nico feels that he can do whatever he wants to Odette because he’s rich and she’s “bought and paid for.” The system fails and Gina is forced to put her life at risk to get some sort of justice for Odette. This is Miami Vice at its bleakest. The world under all of the glitz and glamour is a dark one.

There is one funny moment though. Gina and Sonny go out to a club with Tubbs and Odette. Sonny watches Tubbs dance with Odette and he starts laughing. And he simply can’t stop. It feels like such a spontaneous moment that I have to wonder if it was scripted or if Don Johnson really did think Philip Michael Thomas was just a terrible dancer.

Next week, a figure from Crockett’s past resurfaces in Miami. Maybe Castillo can give him so advice on how to deal with that.

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us for Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness!

Posted on April 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, the film will be Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness, from director Tim Ritter!

Enjoy!

Music Video of the Day: Money by the Beaches (2017, dir by ????)

Posted on April 15, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy Theft Day! I hope the government didn’t rip our readers off for too much of their hard-earned money.

Today’s music video of the day is also about money!

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 2.13 “Pass Tense”

Posted on April 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

The second season of Degrassi Junior High comes to a close with a historic episode!

Episode 2.13 “Pass Tense”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 28th, 1988)

The school year is nearly over and it’s time for the 8th Grade to graduate. Next year, they will all be going to high school except …. well, they won’t. Even while Stephanie and the Farrell Twins are making fun of the 7th Graders for having to do all the work to prepare for the big graduation dance, word comes down from the district that, starting next year, Degrassi Junior High will have a Grade 9. Even though most of the show’s characters are set to graduate and go to High School, they’ll still be attending classes at Degrassi Junior High next ~~season~~ school year.

(The official story is that the high school was overcrowded so adding a Grade 9 to Degrassi was the only option. The truth, of course, is that the show got popular and was renewed for a third season and the show’s producers didn’t want to lose 75% of their cast.)

However, one eighth grader will not be “graduating.” Joey Jeremiah has flunked! Oddly, Joey passed his final exams but, as Raditch puts it, he only scraped by and Raditch feels that Joey is too smart to only be scraping by. Mr. Raditch called Joey’s parents and told them that Joey could either go into the 9th Grade and be put in a low-academic program or he could repeat the 8th Grade and hopefully mature a little. Joey’s parents agreed that Joey should be held back. “Flunk our son!” they apparently said.

(To be honest, this seems like kind of an unfair move on the part of Mr. Raditch and I’m not really sure how Joey can be held back after passing all of his exams. It seems rather arbitrary.)

At first, Joey declares that he’s not going to go to the graduation dance, even though the Zit Remedy is scheduled to make their public debut. Wheels confronts Joey and tells him that he’s smart and that he owes it to his friends to show up. Wheels gets a bit judgmental, all thing considered. Joey is being held back on the whims of Mr. Raditch so Joey really has every right to be mad. Aren’t there any lawyers in Canada who can sue the school on Joey’s behalf?

(Add to that, I always smile a bit whenever Wheels gets judgmental of anyone. Hey, Wheels, Joey’s not the one who is destined to go to prison for killing someone while driving drunk.)

Joey eventually does show up at the dance, apparently having been convinced that his friends won’t be laughing at him behind his back. (From what we see, everyone is supportive. I guess they’re just nicer in Canada.) Greeting Snake and Wheels, Joey takes a moment to flirt, for the first time, with Caitlin, who is destined to become the love of his life. He then says that he’s ready to perform. This leads to a historic moment as the Zit Remedy takes the stage for the very first time. They perform their one and only song, the deathless Everybody Wants Something.

Everybody wants something

They’ll never give up

Everybody wants something

They’ll take your money

And never give up

Finally, Spike, who is allowed to attend the dance after not being allowed to attend class, goes into a labor as the episode’s end credits roll. This is a huge moment, both because Spike is giving birth to Emma Nelson, who will be the lead character for the first few seasons of Degrassi: The Next Generation. A running joke on DTNG would be Emma’s hatred of Everybody Wants Something so, for me, it was kind of fun to watch this episode and discover that this was the last song Spike listened to before giving birth.

(Speaking of Degrassi: The Next Generation, I had to smile at just how much Joey freaked out about getting held back. DTNG was infamous for using the flimsiest of excuses to keep its more popular characters from graduating on time. Ashley, Jimmy, Spinner, and a host of others were all held back. Spinner was actually held back twice.)

And so ends the second season of Degrassi Junior High. The second season was great and this finale did everything that a good finale is meant to do. It wrapped up two major storylines while also hinting at what the future held. It also gave Pat Mastroianni, Neil Hope, and Amanda Stepto a chance to show how much all three of them had developed as actors since the show’s first season. Mastroianni especially did a good job as Joey realized that his year of goofing off and not trying had finally caught up with him. That said, I still think he needs to sue both the school and Mr. Raditch. He probably needs to get emancipated from his parents as well. What type of mother or father says, “Flunk my child?”

Next week, we start season 3!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Review: 4/8/24 — 4/14/24

Posted on April 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Monday, I spent 20 minute staring straight at the sun.

Before anyone freaks out, there was actually a lot of cloud cover so my eyes were protected. I mean, I don’t think my eyesight has gotten any noticeably worse over the last few days. The important thing is that I got to watch the solar eclipse. It was a beautiful moment, standing in my backyard as the afternoon suddenly went dark. A few minutes later, I experienced the world lighting back up. I’m glad I was able to witness it.

Here’s what I read, watched, and listened to this week.