Tag Archives: Dolph Lundgren

Horror Insomnia File #73: Don’t Kill It (dir by Mike Mendez)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or streaming? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

Last night, if you were having trouble getting to sleep, you could have gone to either YouTube or Tubi and watched the 2016 horror film, Don’t Kill It!

Don’t Kill It! takes place in a small Mississippi town.  After a hunter shoots his suddenly viscous dog and then murders his wife and children, the hunter is gunned down by another man.  That man then proceeds to kill his own family.  FBI agent Evelyn Pierce (Kristina Klebe) thinks that it was a case of domestic terrorism.  Demon hunter Jebediah Woodley (Dolph Lundgren) disagrees.  Woodley explains that there’s a demon on the loose.  The demon jumps from host to host.  Killing one host means becoming possessed yourself.  As Woodley explains it, the only way to avoid becoming possessed is not to kill it but then you run the risk of being killed yourself.

At first, everyone is skeptical of Woodley’s claims.  But as Evelyn investigates the case (and we watch a lot of slow motion flashbacks that appear to have been included to pad out the running time), she comes to realize that Woodley is correct.  There is a demon and it is possessing people.  But how can it be stopped?

Don’t Kill It may be a low-budget film but it gets the most out of that budget, making good use of the country atmosphere of its setting and getting generally good performances from the cast.  (The possession scenes are simple but still very well-done and creepy.)  The main appeal here is Dolph Lundgren, playing his role with just the right amount of self-awareness to let the viewer know that Lundgren knows exactly what type of film he’s appearing in and that he’s going to do his best to keep things entertaining.  It’s a film that’s perfect for late night horror season viewing.

Admittedly, I watched the film with a group of friends, some of whom dropped out during the opening massacre.  I could understand their feelings but I think the important thing to consider is, for all the bad things that happened, a hero still showed up to put things right.  Indeed, one could argue that the film’s theme of murder leading to more murder is actually a plea for peace.  “Don’t kill it!” Woodley says and it’s a message for everyone watching.

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid
  46. Enter the Ninja
  47. Downhill
  48. Malice
  49. Mystery Date
  50. Zola
  51. Ira & Abby
  52. The Next Karate Kid
  53. A Nightmare on Drug Street
  54. Jud
  55. FTA
  56. Exterminators of the Year 3000
  57. Boris Karloff: The Man Behind The Monster
  58. The Haunting of Helen Walker
  59. True Spirit
  60. Project Kill
  61. Replica
  62. Rollergator
  63. Hillbillys In A Haunted House
  64. Once Upon A Midnight Scary
  65. Girl Lost
  66. Ghosts Can’t Do It
  67. Heist
  68. Mind, Body & Soul
  69. Candy
  70. Shortcut to Happiness
  71. Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders
  72. Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders II

Masters of the Universe (1987, directed by Gary Goddard)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

On the distant planet Eternia, the evil Skeletor (Frank Langella) has finally taken over Castle Grayskull and imprisoned the Sorceress (Christina Pickles).  When He-Man (Dolph Lundgren) and his allies Teela (Chelsea Field), Man-At-Arms (Jon Cypher), and Gwildor (Billy Barty) launch a rescue mission, they find themselves overwhelmed by Skeletor’s forces and are forced to use an interdimensional key to escape.

He-Man and his friends end up in 1980s California.  The key is lost in the process and discovered by two teenagers, one of whom is played by a pre-Friends Courteney Cox.  Skeletor sends Evil-Lyn (Meg Foster), Beast Man (Tony Carroll), and a host of other henchmen after the key.

The first (and, as of this writing, only) live action film to be based on the famous Mattel action figures, Masters of the Universe was produced by Cannon and it should have been a lot better than it actually was.  The idea of He-Man and Skeletor in modern-day California was a good one and it’s easy to imagine scenes of He-Man and Skeletor wandering around downtown Los Angeles and being as shocked by the locals as the locals are by them.  Big, blonde Dolph Lundgren seemed like the ideal pick for the role of He-Man.  Best of all, from the perspective of many, is that there was no Orko.  The most annoying member of the He-Man ensemble was left out of the film.  (Billy Barty’s Gwildor may have sometimes been annoying but he was still better than Orko.)

Unfortunately, the movie did not live up to anyone’s expectations.  Taking more inspiration for Star Wars and Conan than from any of the He-Man mythology, Cannon’s version of Masters of the Universe is a generic action movie in which He-Man is reduced to being just another forthright hero with a sword.  (He’s not Prince Adam in this movie.  He’s just He-Man.)   Teela doesn’t even wear her famous costume.  The main problem with Masters of the Universe is that so few of the Masters actually appear in the movie.  This was a Cannon/Mattel co-production but apparently, Mattel was stingy when it came to delivering their half of the budget.  There wasn’t enough money to bring He-Man’s rogue’s gallery (not to mention the majority of his allies) to life.  The means no Trap-Jaw and no Mer-Man.  Not even Ram Man makes the cut and this movie could have really used Ram Man.

Fortunately, Skeletor and Evil-Lyn are present to pick up the slack.  (When it came to the Masters of the Universe franchise as a whole, the villains were always more entertaining than the heroes.)  With the help of a surprisingly convincing makeup job that give him a skull face, Frank Langella appears to be having the time of his life as the evil Skeletor and I wasn’t surprised to recently read that this was one of Langella’s favorite roles.  Langella seems to having a blast playing such a thoroughly evil and cartoonish character and his scenes have a playful energy that the rest of the film is lacking.  Meg Foster, she of the piercing eyes, is the perfect choice for Evil-Lyn and is magnetically evil.  They provide some of the most entertaining villainy since Max von Sydow announced, “Klytus, I’m bored,” at the start of Flash Gordon.

Masters of the Universe was a critical failure when it was released in 1987, which isn’t a surprise.  A film based on a toy line and a children’s cartoon?  Maybe that would be an Oscar nominee today but, in 1987, there was no way the critics were going to go for it.  But Masters of the Universe was also a box office failure, one of many high-profile Cannon films that failed to score when it was first released.  (It did find a cult following when it was released on video.)  A proposed sequel — in which Lundgren would be replaced as He-Man by surfer Laird Hamilton — was abandoned.  The sets that had been built for Masters of the Universe 2 were instead used for Cyborg, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.

A new live action Masters of the Universe film is scheduled to be released in 2026.  Jared Leto will be playing Skeletor.  That is probably all that needs to be said.

 

Brad reviews THE EXPENDABLES 2 (2012), starring Sylvester Stallone! 

Posted on by Bradley Crain

I was the target audience for the “Expendables” movies. From the first time I ever heard of the concept, I was all in and gladly told everyone I knew about the upcoming movie. Just the prospect of a big time action movie in 2010 starring Sylvester Stallone and bringing back so many of my favorite actors of the 1980’s and 1990’s was just too good to pass up. After reading updates on the project for at least a year, I was so ready when THE EXPENDABLES (2010) finally hit theaters on August 13, 2010. I don’t remember if I made it to the theaters on opening night, but if not, I definitely made it soon thereafter. Unfortunately, a year of building up my expectations also made it impossible for the movie to completely live up to them. I enjoyed the film and bought the blu ray as soon as it was available, but it just wasn’t everything I hoped it would be. I don’t think anything could have lived up to my expectations to be completely honest. THE EXPENDABLES 2 (2012) came out a couple of years later, and with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris added to the cast, I was ready to go again, albeit with admittedly lower expectations. 

THE EXPENDABLES 2 follows our group of elite mercenaries led by Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) as they head to Albania for CIA operative Church (Bruce Willis) to retrieve a box from a downed airplane. We find out that the box contains a computer that knows the exact location of 5 tons of weapons grade plutonium. The mission goes to pot when the team encounters the ruthless Jean Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme), the leader of a terrorist group, who forcibly confiscates the computer and then kills one of the expendables to teach them some “respect.” Obviously, this doesn’t set well with Barney and he decides the best option for payback is to “Track them, find them, and KILL them!” The remainder of the film follows the team as they try to do just that and stop Vilain from selling the plutonium to the highest bidder. They also get some timely help from fellow badasses like the “lone wolf” Booker (Chuck Norris) and Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger). 

THE EXPENDABLES 2 is my favorite film of the franchise, and that’s why I decided to review it today, on Sylvester Stallone’s 79th birthday. The “Expendables” franchise was designed to bring back the nostalgia of 80’s and 90’s action films, and in my opinion, this first sequel gives me what I was actually wanting from the first film. Taking over from Stallone, Director Simon West assembles a film with explosive action scenes, cartoonishly evil villains, cheesy one-liners and over-the-top violence that doesn’t try to be anything more than what it is. The movie leans hard into its glorious, nostalgic absurdity and as a guy who grew up on these guys and their action films, I pretty much enjoyed every moment! 

THE EXPENDABLES 2 doesn’t work without the cast of action movie veterans who bring back good movie memories just by showing up on screen. As a massive collector of Blu rays and DVD’s, I own a physical copy of just about every movie made by Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Norris during their 80’s and 90’s heydays. Most of these discs replaced a previously owned VHS tape, and each of these actors has their own “section” in my collection. These are the movies, along with those of actors like Charles Bronson and Clint Eastwood, that I revisit the most every year. I’m a huge fan of Hong Kong cinema and Jet Li as well, but his role here is just a cameo at the beginning of this installment. Jean-Claude Van Damme has ended up showing such strong staying power in his career, and his performance as the villain is a true highlight for me. Also, my son, who would have been around 12 when this came out, had just discovered the “Chuck Norris Facts” and he loved telling me his favorites. That silly pop culture phenomenon brought a whole new level of fun to Chuck’s extended cameo in this film. I did want to shout out Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham as well. I may not put them on as high a pedestal as some of the others, but they’re still awesome! Is THE EXPENDABLES 2 the best work of any of these actors? Of course the answer is no, but the filmmakers dredged up my memories in just the right way and gave me 103 minutes of fan service and fun! 

With all that said, I do understand that a person who doesn’t carry nostalgic memories of action films gone by may not enjoy THE EXPENDABLES 2 near as much as I did. The film relies on nostalgia, and without that, the plot itself is very thin and many of the lines will come across as head-scratching clunkers. Even so, most action fans should still enjoy the non-stop sensory assault and violence served up by true genre pros. I loved it and offer no apology for that! 

I Come In Peace (1990, directed by Craig R. Baxley)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

“I come in peace.”

“And you go in pieces.”

How have I not reviewed this one yet?

Dolph Lundgren is Jack Crain, a Houston cop who teams up with FBI agent Larry Smith (Brian Benben) to investigate who is killing criminals in H-town.  The killer is a drug dealer but not your everyday drug dealer.  He’s an alien named Talec (Matthias Hues) and he’s figured out how to say “I come in peace,” but the rest of the English language is beyond him.  “I come in peace,” turns out to be the scariest phrase you can hear when you’re being pursued by a white-haired, intergalactic mass murderer.  His targets include Jesse Vint and Michael J. Pollard.  This terminator wannabe is after character actors!

On the second-tier action stars of the 90s, Lundgren was the one who could actually act.  Van Damme could actually do all the acrobatic stunts his characters did but he couldn’t show emotion like Lundgren.  Steven Seagal seemed like he could handle himself in a fight but he lacked Lundgren’s self-aware humor.  Lundgren plays Jack as almost being a parody of the type of hard-boiled cop who is always getting yelled at by the commissioner for wasting the city’s money.  Brian Benben is remembered, by some, as the star of HBO’s Dream On, the sitcom that convinced a generation of young men that there’s nothing women love more than obscure pop cultural obsessions.  Benben is actually pretty funny in I Come In Peace.  He’s the everyman who can’t believe he’s having to deal with an intergalactic drug dealer.  Good heroes need a good villain and Matthias Hues is just right as the drug dealing alien who literally doesn’t know what he’s saying.

If you want to see a Terminator rip-off with nonstop action, a memorable villain, frequently (and intentionally) funny dialogue, an Al Leong cameo, and Dolph Lundgren as a hero who pushes people around just because he feels like it, I Come In Peace is the movie for you!

#MondayMuggers presents DARK ANGEL (1990) starring Dolph Lundgren!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

Every Monday night at 9:00 Central Time, my wife Sierra and I host a “Live Movie Tweet” event on X using the hashtag #MondayMuggers. We rotate movie picks each week, and our tastes are quite different. Tonight, Monday May 5th, we celebrate Cinco de Mayo with DARK ANGEL (1990) starring Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben, Betsy Brantley, Matthias Hues, and Michael J. Pollard. 

I really enjoy Amazon Prime’s plot description for the film… “A renegade cop undercover on a drug sting discovers a murderous alien who feasts on the brains of heroin addicts.” Honestly, if that description doesn’t make you want to watch the film, there’s probably nothing I can say to bring you along. On a side note, I remember this movie going under the name I COME IN PEACE when I was in high school, which is kind of cool because the bad guy will say he comes in peace right before committing horrific murder. But now it’s called DARK ANGEL, so that’s that.

So join us tonight for #MondayMuggers and watch DARK ANGEL! It’s on Amazon Prime. The trailer is included below:

Hidden Assassin (1995, directed by Ted Kotcheff)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

After the Cuban ambassador to the United States is assassinated, the CIA worries that someone is trying to create trouble between the USA and Cuba.  With another Cuban-American summit due to be held in Prague, CIA Agent Dolph Lundgren is sent to arrest the assassin and bring her back to America to be tried before she can cause anymore trouble.  The CIA claims that the assassin is a sniper-turned-club owner named Simone (Maruschka Detmers) but, once it becomes obvious that whoever wants to keep her from going to America want to not only kill him but also her as well, Dolph starts to suspect that there’s a bigger conspiracy at work.

Hidden Assassin was the last feature film to directed by Ted Kotcheff and, while it’s definitely a direct-to-video action flick, it’s still a cut above similar films that were being released at the time.  Not surprisingly, the director of First Blood and Uncommon Valor knew how to shoot action films but he also did a good job directing the actors and everyone gives it their all in this film.  Amongst the lower-tier action films of the 90s, Dolph Lundgren was always a better actor than Van Damme and he also more likable than Seagal.  (Of course, a rabid bobcat is more likable than Steven Seagal.)  Lundgren is at his best here, believable as both an action star and a spy.  John Ashton of Beverly Hills Cop fame plays his partner and Gavan O’Herlihy plays his superior.  They’re both pros who know exactly how to handle the material.

Hidden Assassin has some plot holes, the least of which anyone would go through that much trouble to sour relations between America and Cuba.  America and Cuba haven’t gotten along for a very long time.  Still, the movie makes great use of Prague as a location and Lundgren is characteristically strong as the film’s hero.  There’s even some moments of deliberate humor that work surprisingly well.  Lundgren and Kotcheff were a killer combination and it’s too bad they didn’t do more movies together.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For Universal Soldier!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1992’s Universal Soldier, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Universal Soldier is available on Prime!  See you there!

Film Review: Creed II (dir by Steve Caple, Jr.)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yesterday, in anticipation of finally watching Creed III, I decided that I should first rewatch 2018’s Creed II.  I actually did see Creed II when it was originally released in theaters and I seem to remember that I enjoyed it but, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I couldn’t remember much more about it.

In Creed II, Adonis “Donnie” Creed (Michael B. Jordan) finally becomes heavyweight champion of the world and immediately finds himself being taunted by Viktor Drago (Florian Munteanu), the son of Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren).  To be honest, Donnie really does have more to think about then some other boxer demanding that Donnie give him a fight.  Donnie has finally married his girlfriend, Bianca Taylor (Tessa Thompson), and she’s pregnant.  However, Donnie cannot get Viktor out of his mind because Viktor is the son of the man who killed Donnie’s father in the ring.  Ivan Drago has not only raised his son to be a fearsome fighter but he’s also Viktor’s trainer.

Have you ever wondered if Ivan Drago ever felt guilty about causing the death of Apollo Creed?  This film suggests that he does not and that he instead blames Apollo’s friend, Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone), for not stopping the fight.  In Creed II, Ivan and Viktor fly to Philadelphia to try to get their fight with Donnie.  Ivan goes to Rocky’s restaurant by himself and he explains that, after losing to Rocky in Russia, he lost everything.  Rocky went home a hero while Ivan went home with nothing.  By turning his son into a fearsome boxer, Ivan is vicariously getting the career that he feels he deserved.  Ivan wants Donnie to fight Viktor and Donnie wants to fight Viktor.  However, Rocky wants nothing to do with it and, when you consider how big Viktor is compared to Donnie, it’s easy to understand why.

Donnie recruits Little Duke (Wood Harris, who co-starred with Jordan on The Wire) to serve as his new manager and trainer.  The fight between Donnie and Viktor is a disaster, with Donnie letting his emotions get the better of him.  Donnie is nearly killed in the ring but Viktor proves to be such an aggressive fighter that he loses by disqualification.  Will Donnie survive the inevitable rematch with Viktor and will that rematch be fought in Moscow?  Will Rocky finally agree to train Donnie and also find the courage to travel up to Canada to see his son and meet his grandson?  Will Ivan realize that he’s pushing his son too hard?  Even if you haven’t seen the film, you can probably guess the answers to all of those questions.

As opposed to the first film, there aren’t many surprises to be found in Creed II.  It’s a well-made but thoroughly conventional boxing movie and it lacks both the grit and the attention to detail that Ryan Coogler brought to the first Creed.  Running over two hours, Creed II has a few too many slow spots and even the big training montage drags a bit.  That said, Creed II works wonderfully well as an epilogue to Rocky IV.  The most ridiculed of the Rocky sequels actually provides a poignant backdrop to this film as both Donnie and Viktor struggle to both live up to and make peace with the complicated legacies of their fathers.  Donnie finally feels worthy of his family name while Viktor shows the same type of raw courage that Rocky Balboa showed in his earlier films.  Perhaps most surprisingly, Ivan Drago finally reveals his humanity.  The scene where Ivan finally realizes that he’s turning his son into a machine who will not stop fighting until he is thoroughly broken is surprisingly powerful and Dolph Lundgren truly seems to be happy to have the chance to finally show that Ivan Drago is a human being after all.

Interestingly enough, Rocky Balboa spends much of the film sidelined and, even more so than in the first film, the emphasis is on Donnie’s emotional growth.  It’s always good to see Stallone and he’s as likable as always as Rocky but, re-watching this film, it was easy to understand how a sequel could be made without the character’s presence.  In the end, the best thing about the Creed films is that Donnie himself is a strong enough character that he can be compelling both with or without Rocky Balboa’s help.

Cover-Up (1991, directed by Manny Coto)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

After an overseas U.S. army base is bombed by terrorists, L.A. Times reporter Mike Anderson (Dolph Lundgren) is sent to Israel to get the story.  Before he became a reporter, Mike was a Marine and he has connections within the U.S. intelligence services.  Mike quickly figures out that CIA honcho Lou Jackson (Lou Gossett, Jr.) is covering something up about the bombing.  The terrorists who bombed the base have also stolen an experimental nerve gas.  Mike is ordered to stay out of the investigation but after Mike’s best friend, Jeff Cooper (John Finn), is blown up by a car bomb, Mike is determined to get justice.  He’s also determined to sleep with his dead best friend’s girlfriend (Lisa Berkley), who is also Mike’s ex.  It turns out that it’s a lot easier to betray a friend’s confidence than to stop terrorists from stealing nerve gas.

When it came to the second-tier action stars of the 90s, Jean-Claude Van Damme was the one who could actually do everything that he did on screen in real life, Steven Seagal was the one who never seemed to get the joke, and Dolph Lundgren was the one who could actually act.  Even in a film that was pure schlock, like Cover-Up, Lundgren usually gave a good performance.  Unfortunately, Lundgren’s performance couldn’t make up for Cover-Up‘s anemic action scenes and incoherent plot.  No one seems to be sure what they’re supposed to be doing in this movie.  Lou Gossett, Jr. survives by playing his role as being pissed off all the time.  Lundgren survives by playing Mike as being even more confused than Gossett.  There’s a weak car chase and a weak shower scene.  Mike really doesn’t waste any time when it comes to hooking up with his best friend’s girl.

Cover-Up was filmed on location in Israel and it does work as a travelogue.  Towards the end of the film, Lundgren runs through a mass of people who are reenacting the Twelve Stations of Christ.  The people were actually in Israel to celebrate Easter and no one informed them that they were about to become a part of a movie.  When Lundgren comes barreling through the crowd, their shock is authentic.  It’s the best part of the movie, even if it did lead to Lundgren being temporarily detained by security.  Fortunately, production was able to clear-up the misunderstanding and Lundgren was freed so that he could go on to star in Universal Soldier and reprise Ivan Drago in Creed II.  I’m glad the Lundgren survived filming but Cover-Up is otherwise forgettable.

A Movie A Day #237: Detention (2003, directed by Sidney J. Furie)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

It’s Die Hard in a school!

A group of gun-wielding drug runners have broken into Hamilton High so that they can use it as the base of operations for a huge drug deal.  With the Vice President scheduled to be traveling through town that weekend, they figure that the school will be deserted and no one will be paying attention to what’s going on.  What they failed to consider is that not every student goes home after the final bell rings.  One paraplegic student is still in the library, doing research.  Two more are in the auditorium, getting high.  There’s even a few “bad” kids in detention, including one of whom is pregnant.  Even worse, for the drug dealers, is that Sam Decker (Dolph Lundgren!) is in charge of detention.  He may teach phys ed and history but before he decided to help broaden young minds, Sam was an army ranger.

Of all of the performers who starred in direct-to-video action movies in the 90s and early aughts, Dolph Lundgren was the best actor.  When considering that his competition largely came from Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme, that may sound like damning with faint praise but the fact that Lundgren could actually memorize his lines and hit his marks actually did make a difference.  It is easy to imagine Detention with Lundgren and the results are not pretty.  Steven Seagal would have been too busy whispering his lines and waiting for his stunt double to show up.  Jean-Claude Van Damme would have gotten too caught up in doing the splits to waste his time worrying about the kids trapped in the auditorium.  Not Lundgren, though.  Dolph Lundgren’s too busy getting shit done to worry about any of that.

Though the action sequences are top notch, Detention would work better if the villains were Lundgren’s equal but they’re not.  One reason why Die Hard worked was because Alan Rickman and his men always seemed like they were capable of killing Bruce Willis.  In Detention, the main villains are three Hungarian punks and a flamboyant American, Chester Lamb (Alex Karzis), and none of them seem like they could even carry Dolph Lundgren’s shoes, much less defeat him in a combat situation.  Scenes where Chester pretends to be an innocent bystander seem like they were included to remind us of the first meeting between Alan Rickman and Bruce Willis in Die Hard but Chester Lamb is no Hans Gruber.  There is just no way that Dolph Lundgren is going to lose to someone named Chester Lamb.

Even with the underwhelming villains, Detention is a gloriously stupid action movie that is entertaining because Lundgren gives it his all.