Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.3 “Seduced”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops clean up Malibu.

Episode 4.3 “Seduced”

(Dir by Terence H. Winkless, originally aired on August 9th, 1998)

Last week, I said that it appeared that the Pacific Blue recruits were no longer living in their funky loft.  Well, it turns out I was wrong.  This episode opens with Granger at the funky loft, hosting a party.  Unfortunately, the party comes to an abrupt end when Granger tries to play an adult movie on his totally hip VCR.  Uh-oh — it turns out that the lead actress in Barely Legal is the 16 year-old sister of one of Granger’s (dead) friends!

(She’s also played by Alison Lohman, a reminder that everyone had to start somewhere.)

Granger and Bobby Cruz set out to take down Malibu’s adult movie underground.  TC agrees to help by telling Jamie Strickland to go undercover as a film student who needs a job.  Strickland says that she’ll do it but she’s not going to have sex on camera.  However, once she reaches the set, the sleazy director decides to put her in the film.  Strickland calls Cory.  Cory says, “We can’t pull you out now.”

Really?  You can’t?  Why are bicycle cops even going undercover?

Meanwhile, Playpen magazine offers Monica money to pose for them.  They offer even more money if Monica can get the other women of Pacific Blue to pose as well.  Needless to say, the other women of Pacific Blue are not willing to pose and they talk about how demeaning Playpen is for women.  (Cory, who is pregnant but not showing, is at least tempted.)  But the show still features a lengthy montage of Monica’s photoshoot.  This show always tries to have it both ways.

This episode probably would have worked better if Granger was actually an interesting character but he’s not.  It also would have helped if we knew anything about Strickland’s character, beyond the fact that she’s super-competent, but we don’t.  Even the veteran characters — TC, Chris, and Cory — don’t really have any personality.  Thankfully, this season has got Mario Lopez playing Bobby Cruz like A.C. Slater on a bicycle and Shanna Moakler, playing Monica as a scheming agent of chaos.  Only Lopez and Moakler seem to to have really understood what type of show they were on.

 

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.2 “All Work No Play”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

This week, the Gang gets a summer job!  Why would anyone want to work during the summer?  What a bunch of losers.

Episode 2.2 “All Work And No Play”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 10th, 1994)

It’s summer time!  (During its second season, Saved By The Bell: The New Class aired two episodes each Saturday morning.  One episode would be a high school episode while the other would feature the Gang off-campus.)  Mr. Belding has been hired to manage the Palisade Hills Country Club.  The first mistake that Belding makes is that he hires Screech to be his assistant.  Then he allows Screech to hire Brian, Bobby, Tommy, Rachel, Megan, and Lindsay as his staff.

Thinks quickly go downhill.

  1. While trying to show-off for Rachel, Brian attempts to drive a golf cart with his feet.  (“This is how I steered snowmobile in Switzerland,” Brian says.)
  2. Assigned to wash and wax the car belonging to club owner Ed Harrington (Frank Bonner), Tommy D and Lindsay instead take the car for a joyride, which leads to Brian denting it with the golf cart.
  3. The car has a dent and the paint job is scuffed. Tommy works out the dent and then repaints the car with Rachel’s nail polish.  To help the polish dry, Tommy and Brian remove the car’s front panel, take it to the country’s club’s kitchen. and unplug the freezer so that they can instead plug in a huge fan.
  4. Whoops!  They forget to plug the freezer back in and $4,000 worth of food goes bad.
  5. Bobby can’t drive but still tries to cover valet parking.
  6. Screech is too busy falling in love with Ed’s daughter, Allison (Clare Slastrom), to be of any help.

Mr. Belding does the right thing and fires all of them.  But then the Gang decides to throw a Luau for the club’s members (instead of the county and western barbecue that was originally planned) and it’s such a hit that Belding hires them back.

Seriously, what the Hell?  Yes, the Gang saved the day but they only had to save it because they were so grotesquely immature and irresponsible in the first place.  This was one of the worst recurring plotlines to appear on Saved By The Bell: The New Class.  Someone would get a new job, they would totally screw it up, they would get fired, and then they would get rehired just because they felt bad after the fact.  Personally, I think that if you steal a car, destroy a golf cart, and cause $4,000 worth of meat to go bad, you should be fired.  I don’t care if you then put on a hula skirt and play a ukulele and and put on a little Hawaiian performance on a sweltering day in the middle of the desert.  You’re fired.

GO HOME!

This episode annoyed the Hell out of me.  I can accept a lot from this show but what I can’t accept is a plot where every complication could have been avoided by everyone not being a massive dumbass.

Brad revisits A BETTER TOMORROW II (1987), starring Chow Yun-Fat & directed by John Woo!


John Woo’s A BETTER TOMORROW was such a gigantic hit in Hong Kong cinemas when it came out in 1986 that you had to know that a sequel would soon follow. A BETTER TOMORROW II would open a year later, bringing back all the stars from the original. This film would go even bigger with both the action and the melodrama, with varying levels of success, but we’ll get to that in a little bit.

The plot seems familiar at first, as ex-gangster Ho (Ti Lung) is let out of prison to work with the police to dig up dirt on his old friend Lung (Dean Shek), a former criminal who’s trying to run a legitimate business down at the shipyard. The main reason he agrees to help though, is because his younger brother / undercover cop Kit (Leslie Cheung) is working on the case and Ho wants to protect him. After a series of double-crosses and betrayals, it seems that we’re in for the same type of story that we got in the first film. Key differences emerge when Lung is framed for murder and escapes to New York City. There we meet Ken Gor (Chow Yun-Fat), the conveniently discovered twin brother of tragic hero Mark Gor. Ken tries to help Lung, who has fallen into a state of catatonic shock upon learning that his daughter has been killed. When death squads come after him in New York, Ken shows his badass cred and saves his ass. Lung eventually snaps out of it and the two head back to Hong Kong together. There they team up with Ho and Kit to exact bloody vengeance on all who have gotten in the way of their efforts at personal reform!        

The first thing I’ll say about A BETTER TOMORROW II is that the film has some incredible action sequences, some of the best you’ll ever see, and some of Woo’s best work. The finale where the trio of Ken, Ho and Lung storm the bad guy’s mansion is a masterpiece of extended and creative bloody violence. I 100% recommend the film for the action.

The second thing I’ll say about A BETTER TOMORROW II is that it has some of the most over the top melodrama that you’ll ever see. My comment is mainly aimed at the section of the film where Ken tries to get Lung to snap out of his shock. I really don’t enjoy these scenes, with my least favorite being the scene where Chow Yun-Fat tries to force a completely zoned out Dean Shek to eat. There is a lot of good-looking food wasted in that scene, and I cringe every time I watch it!   

I’ve read that the film was a troubled production, and that John Woo and producer Tsui Hark had very different ideas on the type of movie that each wanted to make. Both tried to produce different edits of the film, and with too many cooks in the kitchen, we ended up with this glorious Frankenstein. When the dust settled, John Woo mostly disowned the film except for that majestic, crimson-stained finale. Tsui Hark would take over the series and turn out A BETTER TOMORROW III a couple of years later, while Woo would move on to THE KILLER.  

There are interesting ideas here, and the film almost wants to turn into a comic book. For example, the scene that first introduces us to Ken Gor, Mark’s twin brother, features an old man who’s devoted his life to drawing storyboard illustrations of the adventures of Mark, Ho and Kit. He even has Mark’s trademark sunglasses and blood-stained, bullet-riddled coat, which you know Ken will put on at some point. This seems appropriate to many of the shenanigans that go on, but then the film will switch its focus to extended scenes of a depressed Kit or a drooling Lung, and it seems like we’re in a different movie. There are parts of this film that I love and there are parts that I just want to be over.

At the end of the day, if you’ve come to A BETTER TOMORROW II for the promise of John Woo’s awesome action, you will get your fill. You’ll get to see Chow Yun-Fat at his charismatic best, wearing his long coat and sunglasses, and wielding twin barettas as he takes out hordes of henchmen. You’ll get to see Ti Lung swinging a sword that might bring back images of his Shaw Brothers heydays! Just be prepared to watch Dean Shek spill milk, eat through an orange (peel and all), and gnaw on a piece of frozen meat along the way.       

A BETTER TOMORROW II is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, Tubi, and Plex.

Villain of the Day: Anton Chigurh (No Country for Old Men)


What makes for a great onscreen psychopath? Is it intelligence, unpredictability, complete emotional detachment, or the ability to make audiences uncomfortable without saying very much at all? Few characters embody all of those qualities more effectively than Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men. From the moment he appears, there is something unnervingly controlled about him. He rarely raises his voice, almost never shows panic, and carries himself with a cold certainty that makes every interaction tense. What makes Chigurh so mesmerizing is that the film refuses to explain him away with easy psychological answers. He is not presented as a tragic antihero or a charismatic mastermind with grand speeches. Instead, he exists less as a person and more as an unfolding force of inevitability—something closer to a natural disaster than a traditional villain.

Chigurh also carries a clear literary lineage as another Cormac McCarthy creation, and he shares unsettling DNA with Judge Holden from Blood Meridian. Like Holden, Chigurh feels less like a human being and more like a presence that has stepped outside normal moral reality. Both characters operate as if they are not bound by human frameworks of empathy, guilt, or justification. In that sense, they resemble forces of nature rather than characters with inner conflict. Just as Judge Holden moves through the world with an almost mythic authority over violence and meaning, Chigurh moves with the same sense of inevitability—quiet, methodical, and indifferent to the emotional weight of his actions.

This is where the question of morality around Chigurh becomes deliberately unstable. Is he evil, or is he something beyond the concept of evil entirely? Like Judge Holden, he resists moral categorization because he does not appear to participate in the same value system as the people around him. Evil implies choice, intention, even some recognition of wrongdoing, but Chigurh operates as though he is merely enacting a set of principles that already exist independent of him. His coin toss philosophy, for instance, suggests not cruelty but submission to randomness or fate. The horror comes from the fact that human beings experience this as evil, while Chigurh seems to experience it as something closer to logic.

A major reason Chigurh leaves such a strong impression is Javier Bardem’s performance. Bardem strips the character down to the bare essentials, creating someone who feels emotionally alien without becoming cartoonish. His speech patterns are calm and deliberate, often forcing other characters into uncomfortable silence. Even simple conversations become threatening because Chigurh treats life-and-death decisions with the same tone someone else might use to discuss the weather. The famous coin toss scene perfectly captures this quality. Chigurh frames chance as something almost sacred, shifting responsibility away from himself while still remaining the instrument through which fate is delivered. That combination of politeness, inevitability, and menace makes him unforgettable.

The film also makes Chigurh especially unsettling by positioning him in contrast to Sheriff Bell’s worldview in No Country for Old Men. Bell represents an older moral framework where violence, while still real, at least had recognizable motives and boundaries. Chigurh breaks that expectation entirely. He is not driven by greed or revenge, and he does not appear to be psychologically damaged in a way that explains his actions. Instead, he behaves as though he is simply carrying out the consequences of a system that no one else fully understands. That gap between human expectation and Chigurh’s apparent indifference is where his terror truly lies.

Ultimately, Anton Chigurh endures as a villain because he refuses containment within normal storytelling or moral logic. Like Judge Holden, he reads less like a character and more like an embodiment of something larger—chaos given structure, or inevitability given form. No Country for Old Men never fully explains or defeats him because doing so would shrink him into something understandable. Instead, he remains ambiguous, almost elemental. Whether he is evil or something beyond evil is never resolved, and that uncertainty is precisely what makes him so disturbing. He becomes a figure of inevitability itself, a reminder that what humanity calls “evil” may sometimes feel indistinguishable from the indifferent mechanics of the world.

Scenes That I Love: Katharine Hepburn and James Stewart in The Philadelphia Story


On this date, 119 years ago, Katharine Hepburn was born in Hartford, Connecticut.  She would go one to become a cultural icon, a performer who survived being labeled box office to poison to eventually become one of our most acclaimed actresses.  Hepburn was a total of four acting Oscars over the course of her career, a record that has yet to be topped.

Today’s scene that I love comes from 1940’s The Philadelphia Story and it features Katharine Hepburn acting opposite another one of my favorite performers, the great James Stewart.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Jess Franco Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today is the 96th anniversary of the birth of Jesus Franco!  One of the most prolific filmmakers of all time, Franco made movies that …. well, they’re not easy to describe.  Jess Franco was responsible for some of the most visually striking and narratively incoherent films ever made.  He made films that you either loved or you hated but there was no mistaking his work for being the work of someone else.

Today, in honor of his birthday, here are….

4 Shots From 4 Films

The Awful Dr. Orloff (1962, dir by Jess Franco, DP: Godofredo Pacheco)

Nightmares Come At Night (1970, dir by Jess Franco)

 

She Killed In Ecstasy (1970, dir by Jess Franco, DP: Manuel Merino)

Female Vampire (1973, dir by Jess Franco, DP: Jess Franco)

Music Video of the Day: Armegeddon It by Def Leppard (1988, directed by Wayne Isham)


The theme of this video seems to be that Def Leppard is the band that has fun onstage and off!

This footage for this video was shot over the course of two shows at McNichols Arena in Denver, Colorado. Originally, the footage was going to be used for a future concert film but, when Armageddon It was released as a single, the band’s record label said that they needed a music video to accompany it and they needed it immediately. Since the band didn’t want to do another “concept video” (and really didn’t have time to come up with a concept in the first place), the Denver footage was hastily edited together.

The end result was that Armageddon It went on to the become the band’s fourth top ten hit in the United States.

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.19 “Silent Partner”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, the California Highway Patrol is thoroughly incompetent.

Episode 5.19 “Silent Partner”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on February 28th, 1982)

This is one of those episodes of CHiPs where two “comedic” car thieves are stealing cars and it takes three high-speed, accident-filled chases before the Highway Patrol finally manages to catch them.  Episodes like this are always fairly odd to watch.  I’m not really sure if the show’s producers really understood what they were implying with an episode in which a bunch of professional law enforcers can’t seem to catch two buffoons who have no idea what they’re doing.

The first chase leads to an accident that leaves Grossman injured.  He doesn’t break his neck but he does have to wear a neck brace, which temporarily keeps him from talking and eating.  Those are Grossman’s favorite activities!  These car thieves must be stopped!

(Seriously, Grossman was usually the most entertaining thing about this show.  Taking away his ability to speak was not a good idea.  Needless to say, Ponch can still talk.)

Meanwhile, Baker arrests a man at the scene of Grossman’s accident.  Baker thinks that the man (Saul Brandt) must be drunk, just because the man did not react to Grossman’s sirens and he also doesn’t follow any of Baker’s orders.  Uh-oh, it turns out that man was deaf and now he wants to file a complaint against Baker!  And really, the man is totally justified in doing so.  Baker was pretty rough when he tossed him around and Baker really had no evidence that the man had been drinking.  Despite being totally in the wrong, Baker is still upset about being written up.  Luckily, Ponch starts dating a deaf social worker (Dawn Jeffory) and she helps the man to understand that Baker just made a mistake and he was only in a bad mood because he has to work with Ponch.  The complaint is dropped.

This episode featured two good car crashes and a lot of bad acting.  It was well-intentioned but I am starting to wonder if maybe the people of California deserved a better highway patrol.