A Movie A Day #136: Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985, directed by Lance Hool)

Posted on May 24, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Goddamn, dude. Chuck Fucking Norris. Even when the movie is terrible, Chuck is cool.

That is especially relevant when it comes to a movie like Missing In Action 2: The Beginning. Produced by Cannon Films and shot back-to-back with the first Missing in Action, The Beginning was supposed to come out first. However, Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus took a look at the two movies and realized that The Beginning would work better as the 2nd film in the series. They were right though some post-production tinkering did lead to some serious errors in continuity.

(Not that anyone watching a Golan/Globus production would be worrying about continuity.)

Did you ever wonder how James Braddock (Chuck Norris) became a POW in the first place? No? Missing In Action 2 is going to show you how it happened anyway. It turns out that he and his men were captured, in 1972, by the Viet Cong when their helicopter crashed into a lake. At the start of the movie, Chuck only has a mustache. If Chuck had been fully bearded, there is no way the VC could have captured him. After Chuck and his men have spent ten years in a jungle prison, where they are forced to pick poppies for a French heroin drug lord, Chuck has grown a full beard and is finally strong enough to escape from the prison, rescue his men, and defeat the sadistic camp commandant (Soon-Tek Oh) in hand-to-hand combat. None of it is surprising but there’s enough weird stuff, like the prostitutes that the French drug dealer flies into the camp and the Australian journalist who shows up out of nowhere and is executed ten minutes later, to keep it interesting. Chuck is as stiff as always but he’s good in the action scenes and gets to show off some sweet karate moves towards the end of the movie. Supposedly, Chuck viewed the Missing in Action films as a tribute to his brother, Wieland, who was killed in Vietnam.

The continuity error has to do with the amount of time that Braddock and his men spend in the camp. After Chuck is captured in 1972, the film inserts some footage of Ronald Reagan giving a speech about the men who never returned from Vietnam. A narrator says that the Americans are still wondering what happened to the thousands of soldiers who were reported as being MIA in Vietnam. The implication is that Chuck and company spent ten years in the POW Camp, which means that they escaped in 1982. Since it is said, in Missing in Action, that it has been ten years since Chuck escaped, that means that Missing in Action actually took place in 1992. But if Chuck and the boys escaped and returned to America in 1982 then why, in 1992, was everyone so convinced that all the POWs were released immediately after the Vietnam War?

Fortunately, Chuck Norris is so cool that it doesn’t matter what year it is.

Chuck Norris, man.

Chuck Fucking Norris.

Let’s Go to the Drive-In with Charles Bronson in BREAKOUT (Columbia 1975)

Posted on May 24, 2017 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

Charles Bronson finally achieved superstar status in the 1970’s after years of toiling in supporting parts thanks to drive-in fare like THE MECHANIC, MR. MAJESTYK, and the DEATH WISH films. 1975’s BREAKOUT had a bigger budget, a better than average cast, and major studio support, but at it’s heart it’s still a drive-in movie, albeit a cut above the usual action flick.

Bronson casts aside his normal stoic, stone-faced screen persona as Nick Colton, a somewhat shady pilot/mercenary who’ll do anything for a buck. Charlie’s quite a charmer here, displaying a sense a humor and talking a lot more than usual. He’s in rare form, getting to display his acting chops, honed through over two decades in the business, and is obviously having a good time in the role.

Nick is hired by Ann Wagner to rescue her husband Jay, framed by his own grandfather and sentenced to a ruthless Mexican pennitentary…

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A Movie A Day #135: Missing in Action (1984, directed by Joseph Zito)

Posted on May 23, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Chuck Fucking Norris, man. Is there anything this man can not do?

In Missing in Action, he plays Colonel James Braddock, an army intelligence officer. For a career military man, his long hair and his beard are definitely against regulations but who is going to tell Chuck Norris to get a haircut? Ten years ago, Braddock escaped from a POW camp in North Vietnam. Haunted by nightmares and still convinced that there are American POWs in Vietnam, Braddock is inspired by an episode of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends (I am not joking!) to accompany a U.S. Senator on a fact-finding trip to Ho Chi Minh City. It’s there that Braddock uncovers evidence that American soldiers are being held prisoner by the evil General Trau (James Hong). With the government refusing to help him, Braddock is forced to go to Thailand, where he hooks up with an old friend, a former soldier turned black marketeer named Tuck (M. Emmett Walsh). Braddock and Tuck head into the jungle, to both rescue the POWs and to remind the world that, no matter what a bunch of pointy-headed lefties might say, Americans never lose a war!

A blatant rip-off of the Rambo films, Missing in Action was one of Cannon Films’ most financially successful movies. Seen today, Missing in Action is borderline xenophobic and it takes forever for the action to really get started. I was surprised by the number of scenes that were devoted to Braddock looking for evidence that the POWs were still in Vietnam, as if there was ever any real suspense about what Braddock would find. (No POWs = no movie.)

On the positive side, once it finally starts, the action is exciting. Joseph Zito was a veteran genre director and he know how to handle a battle scene. Unfortunately, in this one, Chuck does most of his fighting with a machine gun instead of his hands. This is also one of the first movies where Chuck Norris has the full beard going. The beard serves to distract from what a stiff actor Chuck Norris usually was and it does its job in Missing in Action. When it comes to picking a Chuck Norris film to watch, it’s a good idea to see how much facial hair will be featured. If Chuck has a beard, definitely watch. If Chuck only has a mustache, proceed with caution but, if there’s nothing else to watch, give the movie a chance. If Chuck is clean-shaven and Bruce Lee is nowhere to be seen, throw the movie back and never speak of it again.

Missing in Action was shot back-to-back with what eventually became known as Missing in Action 2: The Beginning. Originally, The Beginning was meant to be released first and Missing in Action was intended to be a sequel. However, once the execs at Cannon saw the footage, they deemed The Beginning to be unreleasable and instead sent Missing in Action out to theaters. (A movie so bad that even Cannon was hesitant to release it? It boggles the mind.) Missing in Action was such a box office success and The Beginning was subsequently released as a prequel. However, when it comes to Norris/Cannon films, Invasion USA is the one to watch. That one has a bearded Chuck and Richard Lynch!

A Movie A Day #134: America Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989, directed by Cedric Sundstrom)

Posted on May 22, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Is an American Ninja film still an American Ninja film if it doesn’t feature the American Ninja?

That is the question posed by American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt. Michael Dudikoff, who played Joe Armstrong in the first two films, is nowhere to be found. Instead, he has been replaced by Doug Bradley. Fortunately, the movie does not try to pass Bradley off as being Joe Armstrong. Instead, he is a new character, CIA agent Sean Davidson. Sean’s father was a martial arts champion who was killed by gangster while Sean watched. Sean later went to Japan where he was trained in the ways of the ninja. Sean is an American ninja, even if he’s not the American Ninja.

He also happens to be best friends with Jackson (Steve James), who previously appeared in the first two films and who never comments on the coincidence of having two best friends who both happen to be American ninjas. Jackson, along with sidekick Dexter (Evan J. Klisser) and lady ninja Chan Lee (Michele B. Chan), team up with Sean after Sean’s sensei is kidnapped by a terrorist known as The Cobra (Marjoe Gortner). The Cobra, who has a team of his own ninjas, has developed a poison that he wants to test on Sean.

The plot makes as much sense as the previous two American Ninja films and, somehow, everyone forgets about finding the sensei before the movie ends. As an actor, Doug Bradley is no Michael Dudikoff (which is saying something) but he’s good in the fight scenes and that is the only thing that really matters. The whole film is nearly worth it just to see former child evangelist Marjoe Gortner in the role of The Cobra. Dudikoff is missed but at least his absence meant that Steve James got to do more in American Ninja 3 than he did in the first two films. Sadly, just three years after this film’s release, James died as the result of pancreatic cancer. He was 41 years old.

Screwball Comedian: Joe E. Brown in ALIBI IKE (Warner Brothers 1935)

Posted on May 22, 2017 by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

We’re about a quarter of the way through the baseball season, so let’s take a trip to the ballpark with Joe E. Brown in ALIBI IKE, a 1935 comedy based on a story by Ring Lardner, one of the best baseball writers of the early 20th Century. Brown, known for his wide mouth and comical yell, is an admittedly acquired taste; his “gosh, golly” country bumpkin persona is not exactly what modern audiences go for these days. But back in the 30’s he was one of Hollywood’s top box-office draws, specializing in sports themed comedies revolving around wrestling (SIT TIGHT), track and field (LOCAL BOY MAKES GOOD), swimming (YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL), polo (POLO JOE), football ($1,000 A TOUCHDOWN), and racing (boats in TOP SPEED, airplanes in GOING WILD, bicycles in SIX DAY BIKE RACE).

ALIBI IKE is the final chapter in Brown’s “baseball trilogy”. The first, 1932’s FIREMAN, SAVE MY CHILD, found him…

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Lisa’s Too Early Oscar Predictions for May

Posted on May 22, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Be sure to check out my predictions for April, March, February, and January!

Best Picture

Battles of the Sexes

Blade Runner 2049

Call Me By Your Name

Darkest Hour

The Disaster Artist

Downsizing

Dunkirk

The Glass Castle

Mudbound

Wonderstruck

Best Director

Luca Guadagnino for Call Me By Your Name

Alexander Payne for Downsizing

Dee Rees for Mudbound

Denis Villeneuve for Blade Runner 2049

Joe Wright for Darkest Hour

Best Actor

Chadwick Boseman in Marshall

Tom Cruise in American Made

Matt Damon in Downsizing

Gary Oldman in Darkest Hour

Miles Teller in Thank You For Your Service

Best Actress

Judi Dench in Victoria and Abdul

Kirsten Dunst in Woodshock

Brie Larson in The Glass Castle

Carey Mulligan in Mudbound

Emma Stone in Battle of the Sexes

Best Supporting Actor

Steve Carell in Battle of the Sexes

James Franco in The Disaster Artist

Armie Hammer in Call Me By Your Name

Woody Harrelson in The Glass Castle

Jason Mitchell in Mudbound

Best Supporting Actress

Holly Hunter in The Big Sick

Melissa Leo in Novitiate

Julianne Moore in Wonderstruck

Kristin Scott Thomas in Darkest Hour

Naomi Watts in The Glass Castle

A Movie A Day #133: American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987, directed by Sam Firstenberg)

Posted on May 21, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Duuuuuuuuude! The American Ninja is back!

In this sequel to the first American Ninja, ninja Joe (Michael Dudikoff) and sidekick Jackson (Steve James) are now Army Rangers. They have been assigned to provide security at an embassy on a small Caribbean island. At first, it seems like an easy gig but then Joe discovers that a large number of Marines have recently vanished. According to the only witness, they were abducted by men dressed in black. Joe and Jackson know what that means!

The Marines are being set up by a traitor in their own ranks, Tommy Taylor (played by Miguel Ferrer look-alike Jonathan Pienaar). Taylor is being blackmailed by a master criminal known as, I kid you not, Leo the Lion (Gary Conway, who also co-wrote the script). Leo is brainwashing the Marines, shooting them up with all sorts of drugs and transforming them into zombie-style ninjas.

Doing away with any pretense towards reality, American Ninja 2 is pure comic book action. A bad guy even says, “It’s the American Ninja!” when he sees Joe. It’s a strange film. On the one hand, it is full of goofy humor and it even has a streetwise kid sidekick, all things that would indicate that it was made to appeal to kids. On the other hand, the first cut was reportedly so violent that it got a dreaded X-rating. The final version still has enough impalings, decapitations, and throwing stars to the head to earn its R.

With its combination of nonstop action and Steve James one-liners, American Ninja 2 is both a worthy sequel and a worthy addition to the Cannon library. Still, it bothers me that at least a few of the ninjans that Joe and Jackson killed were probably just brainwashed Marines. That amounts to a lot of innocent victims being killed by our heroes.

The life of an American ninja is never an easy one.

What Else Lisa Watched Last Night #166: Seduced By A Stranger (dir by Scott Belyea)

Posted on May 21, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Secrets of My Stepdaughter was not the only thing that I watched last night! I also watched Seduced By A Stranger on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Why Was I Watching It?

When a movie is called Seduced By A Stranger, you watch it. Seduced is one of the most powerful words in the English language. I even tried to get Arleigh to call this site Through the Seduced Lens but he ended up going with Shattered instead.

(Which is okay because shattered is almost as powerful word as seduced. Someday, Lifetime will realize that I’m right and commission a film called Shattered Seduction. I’m already working on the script.)

What Was It About?

It’s about a woman who is seduced by a stranger.

Actually, there’s a little more to it than just that. In fact, it’s actually a movie about a teenager named Dana (Cate Sproule) and her good-for-nothing (but charming) father named Martin (Steve Bacic). Because Martin is a professional con man, Dana and Martin have never stayed in one place for too long. Dana feels like she’s missing out on life.

So, Martin agrees to settle down in a nice little town. Dana finally gets to enroll in high school. She even meets a cute boy named Charlie (Madison Smith) and soon, they’re a couple. However, Martin is also dating Charlie’s mother (Chandra West) and Dana is worried that her father is going to slip back into his old ways.

And, of course, there’s the stalker. Sloane (Lucie Guest) lost everything to one of Martin’s cons and she’s determined to get her revenge. Now that Martin has settled down in one place, it looks like she may finally get her chance…

What Worked?

This one was a lot of fun and actually kind of sweet in its own weird way. Charlie and Dana were a really likable couple and you hoped that things would work out for them. Both Cate Sproule and Madison Smith gave good performances and it was kind of nice to see a Lifetime film where, for once, the teenagers were alright and the adults were totally clueless.

Lucie Guest did a good job as crazy Sloane. The best role in any Lifetime film is always the obsessive stalker and Guest really made the most of the opportunity.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked. It was fun and enjoyable Lifetime film. The only thing that kept it from being perfect was that there was no kitchen dance party.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

When someone says that Dana has stolen Charlie’s heart, Dana instinctively responds with, “I don’t steal.” For some reason, I related to that moment.

(I know that’s vague but identifying an “Oh my God! Just like me!” moment is not an exact science.)

Lessons Learned

Sometimes, being seduced by a stranger is the best thing that can happen to you.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #165: Secrets of my Stepdaughter (dir by Jem Garrard)

Posted on May 21, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched Secrets of my Stepdaughter on Lifetime!

Why Was I Watching It?

Why Not? It was on Lifetime and Secrets of my Stepdaughter is a great title. As our regular readers know, Jeff, Leonard, and I spent all last month watching and reviewing the first two seasons on Twin Peaks. As soon as I saw the title of this Lifetime film, I immediately thought of that great line from the third episode of series: “She is full of secrets.”

What Was It About?

When teenager Rachel Kent (Tiera Skovbye) survives a robbery that leaves her best friend dead, she becomes a minor media celebrity. Everyone loves Rachel but the detective (Lucia Walters) in charge of the case has suspicions. And soon, so does Rachel’s stepmother, Cindy (Josie Davis). Rachel is just enjoying being a celebrity too much and when Cindy catches Rachel rehearsing the story of the robbery in front of a mirror, Cindy starts to suspect that Rachel may indeed be full of secrets.

What Worked?

The film told an intriguing story. It opened with a title card telling us that it was “based on a true story” and I’d believe it. This is actually something that happens fairly regularly. A victim of a crime will become a minor celebrity, just to then have it revealed that they actually committed the crime themselves. People love the attention. What’s interesting is that you never hear much about these people once it’s revealed that they were not victims but instead guilty. They kind of get pushed to the side and the story gets abandoned because no one wants to admit to having been fooled.

Josie Davis gave a good performance as Cindy. She’s appeared in several Lifetime films and it was interesting to see her finally play a sympathetic character for once. The entire film, however, was stolen by Tiera Skovbye, who was a force of cheerfully destructive nature in the role of Rachel.

What Did Not Work?

This was yet another Lifetime film where the family pet is killed off, presumably so we don’t have any doubt that we’re dealing with a total sociopath. Killing the dog felt so cruelly unnecessary and totally gratuitous that it made it difficult for me to enjoy the rest of the movie. It seemed to be done for shock value but, at this point, so many pets have been killed in so many Lifetime movies that it’s no longer shocking.

Seriously, leave the pets alone!

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

“Wow, Lisa, since this movie was about a sociopathic, shoplifting teenage murderer, there were probably a lot of Oh my God! Just like me! moments!”

Okay, you are no longer my friend.

Actually, to be honest, I did relate to Rachel at the very beginning of the movie. When she was rehearsing in front of the mirror, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I do that too. But then it became obvious that she actually had killed her best friend and the family dog and I was like, “Nope, I have nothing in common with this psycho!”

Lessons Learned

It’s a lot more difficult to fake a crime than you might think.

A Movie A Day #132: American Ninja (1985, directed by Sam Firstenberg)

Posted on May 20, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Hell yeah!

From Yoram Globus and Menahem Golan, the duo who were responsible for producing the coolest films of the 1980s, comes American Ninja!

Private Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) is the newest arrival on an American army base in the Philippines. A former member of a street gang, he has been forced to enlist in the army in order to keep himself out of jail. Because he keeps to himself, the other soldiers do not like him. Colonel Hickock (Guich Kook) is angry that his daughter, Patricia (Judie Aronson), likes Joe and conspires to have Joe court martialed. Joe’s only friend is Corporal Jackson (Steve James), who starts out as an enemy but changes his ways after Joe shows off some sweet martial arts moves. Because Joe is an amnesiac, he does not know where or why he learned how to fight. He just knows that he can.

It’s good that he can because the local black marketer, Ortega (Don Stewart) has hired the legendary Black Star ninjas to help him steal supplies from the base. Ortega has even allowed the ninjas to set up a training camp in his back yard. When Joe prevents the ninjas from kidnapping Patricia, the ninjas swear revenge.

As if there could possibly be any doubt, American Ninja was made and distributed by Cannon Films. It is about as pure an example of the Cannon aesthetic as anyone could hope to find. Find a star — in this case, Michael Dudikoff — who was credible without being expensive. Give him a love interest who was easy on the eyes and who could get held hostage during the film’s climax. Toss in slow motion stunt work, big explosions, and Steve James. Come up with a title that would appeal to both NASCAR-loving patriots and drive-in movie fans. End result: American Ninja!

As a film, American Ninja get the job done and then some. The fights are well-choreographed and the movie does not allow things like character development or subtext to get in the way of showcasing plenty of ninja action. There are enough weird details, especially after Joe dons the black pajamas of the American Ninja, to keep the move interesting. At one point, a ninja literally vanishes and what’s cool is that no one acts surprised when it happens. Long before Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, American Ninja showed that there’s nothing a ninja can’t do!

One final note: Keep an eye out for my favorite scene, in which a slow-moving jeep bumps into a tree and explodes with all the force of a planet that’s just been zapped by the Death Star.