Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 8.9 “The Last Heist/Starting Over/Watching the Master”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

And looooooove, won’t hurt anymore….

Episode 8.9 “The Last Heist/Starting Over/Watching the Master”

(Dir by Ted Lange, originally aired on November 10th, 1984)

Recent law school graduate Paula (Julia Duffy) boards the boat with the man who paid for her education, Uncle David (Patrick Macnee).  Paula thinks David is a businessman but, as David explains to her once they’ve reached their cabin, he’s actually a jewel thief.  Paula asks David to retire from stealing but David explains that he’s going to pull off one final big score by stealing a necklace owned by Martha Parker (Abby Dalton).  He’s even had a replica of the necklace made so that Martha will never notice that the real one has been stolen,

Needless to say, Paula has a lot on her mind when stockbroker Andy Brooks (Douglas Barr) first tries to hit on her.  But what if Andy isn’t a stockbroker?  Shortly after David steals the necklace, Andy shows up at his cabin.  Andy explains that he’s actually an insurance investigator and that David will be turned over to the authorities as soon as the ship docks in Los Angeles.  Oh no!

However, because Andy has fallen in love with Paula, he later tells them that he won’t turn David in as long as David both returns the necklace and retires from being a thief.  David agrees.  What David doesn’t realize is that Andy actually is just a stockbroker and the whole thing was a set-up engineered by Paula to get him to retire.

Meanwhile, Doc is excited because his new girlfriend, Gloria (Delta Burke), is going to be on the cruise. Unfortunately, Hal Winston (William Christopher) is also on the boat.  Hal is marrying one of Doc’s ex-wives and he’s on the cruise so he can observe Doc and learn to be more like him.  Doc gets annoyed.  Gloria falls in love with Hal.  “I guess I’m still paying alimony,” Doc says as he watches Hal and Gloria leave the boat together.

These first two stories were really charming.  I especially liked the story involving David, Andy, and Paula.  Patrick Macnee had just the right twinkle in his eye.  Julia Duffy and Douglas Barr had the type of carnal chemistry that was rarely seen on the G-rated Love Boat.  As for Doc’s story, it was funny in its dopey way.

Unfortunately, those two stories were overshadowed by the third story.  Beth Reed (Deborah Adair), an old friend of Judy’s, boards the cruise.  Beth is recently divorced.  When another passenger, Joe (Brodie Greer), starts to hit on her, Beth says she’s not interested.  At first, Joe thinks that it’s because he’s been coming on too strong and Judy assumes that Beth is struggling to adjust to being divorced.  However, Beth eventually explains that she got divorced because her husband could not handle the fact that she was raped by a stranger.  At first, Joe seems understanding but then he freaks out when Beth says that, when she returns to Los Angeles, she will be testifying against her rapist.  That’s going to be so embarrassing for you!, he says.  Joe goes on and on about how Beth shouldn’t testify.  In fact, Joe was so adamant that I was almost expecting it be revealed that Joe was the brother or a friend of the man who raped her.

Instead, it just turns out that Joe’s a jerk.  Beth says that she never wants to see Joe again and that’s really where this story should have ended.  Joe goes from coming on way too strong to basically ordering Beth not to testify against a rapist.  Joe should have been dumped and Beth should have left the boat alone but proud that she stood up for herself.  Instead, Joe offers up a half-assed apology and Beth not only takes him back but agrees to marry him.

NO!  Joe does not deserve to be taken back.  NO!  Do not marry the guy who, after knowing you for two days, tries to tell you how to live your life.  It seems like Beth is just going from one jerk to another and her friend Judy doesn’t do anything to stop her.

I have no doubt that there were good intentions behind this story.  But, seen today, the best thing you can say about the story is that it was tone deaf and insensitive.  Brodie Greer, who was likable as Baricza on CHiPs and on a previous episode of The Love Boat in which he appeared, gives a rather stiff performance, almost as if he himself couldn’t believe some of the lines that had been written for him.

Two of the stories were charming but they were both overshadowed by the third story and it brought the entire episode down.

Scenes That I Love: Oppenheimer

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s scene that I love comes from Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer.  In this scene, the very first nuclear bomb is detonated and history is changed forever.  Nolan captures the mix of pride and outright horror as the most deadly weapon of all is tested for the very first time.  In much the same way that some of us cannot resist the chance to stare directly at a solar eclipse, Cillian Murphy’s Oppenheimer cannot help but stare directly at what he has helped to create.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Hal Ashby Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, the Shattered Lens celebrates what would have been the 97th birthday of Hal Ashby, one of the most important (and, sadly, one of the most overlooked) directors of the 1970s.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Hal Ashby Films

Harold and Maude (1971, dir by Hal Ashby, DP: John A. Alonzo)

The Last Detail (1973, dir by Hal Ashby, DP: Michael Chapman)

Bound for Glory (1976, dir by Hal Ashby, DP: Haskell Wexler)

Being There (1979, dir by Hal Ashby, DP: Caleb Deschanel)

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 4.17 “Scarlet Rose”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops investigate a 50 year-old cold case.

Episode 4.17 “Scarlet Rose”

(Dir by Paul Brown, originally aired on March 7th, 1999)

In the 1940s, Santa Monica was shaken by the brutal murder of an actress nicknamed the Scarlet Rose. Her ghost is said to haunt the ballroom where she used to dance and where it’s believed she met her still-unknown murderer. Now, after nearly 50 years, the ballroom is reopening as the Scarlet Rose Ballroom.

Bobby Cruz, who has long been haunted by the stories about the Scarlet Rose, attends the grand opening, where everyone is dressed like it’s the 1940s and swing dancing. When he meets Lily (LuAnne Ponce), he’s stunned because she looks just like the Scarlet Rose. Lily explains that she is Scarlet’s granddaughter and that she’s looking not only for the truth about who killed her grandmother, but also for what happened to a valuable necklace Scarlet owned.

Bobby suspects that Walter (William Schallert), an older man who hangs around the club, might have had something to do with Scarlet’s murder. He also suspects that it might somehow be linked to a recent robbery at a jewelry store. He takes his suspicions to T.C.

“We are going undercover!” T.C. announces.

Yes, this is yet another episode in which the members of Pacific Blue go undercover. These episodes never make sense to me, because the members of Pacific Blue are bicycle cops. They’re not detectives. They’re not trained to go undercover. They’re trained to ride around on their bikes, hand out traffic tickets, and secure crime scenes until the real detectives can show up.

In this episode, going undercover means that Monica gets a job singing at the club while Cory and Jamie hang out at the bar and glare at everyone like the two biggest killjoys in existence. It isn’t just that it doesn’t make any sense for these people to be working undercover. It’s also that none of them are particularly good at it. Cory and Jamie may be dressed up like 1940s femme fatales, but they still give off an immediate cop vibe.

For the record, the case of the Scarlet Rose is solved. It turns out that she was murdered by an associate of Los Angeles gangster Mickey Cohen. Considering that Cohen was a real person, it feels a little unfair to pin a fictional murder on him, but I guess Pacific Blue felt that, since he wasn’t around to complain, it wouldn’t be a problem.

(The Scarlet Rose was clearly based on the Black Dahlia murder case. It seems like every few years, someone publishes a book claiming to have solved the Black Dahlia case. Former LAPD detective Steve Hodel built an entire literary career out of accusing his late father of being responsible for the Dahlia’s murder and practically every other unsolved murder in California.)

A few positive things can be said about this episode. The 1940s-style costumes were to die for. The real-life band Jumpin’ Jimes provided the episode with a great soundtrack, and the swing dance scenes were nicely choreographed. The Scarlet Rose Ballroom looked like a fun place to hang out. Not even the dour presence of Cory and Jamie could suck the fun out of that place. Finally, old pro William Schallert gave a good performance as a potential suspect who wasn’t entirely what he seemed to be.

In other words, this was actually a pretty good episode of Pacific Blue. I’ll never understand why the bicycle cops were investigating a 50-year-old cold case, but whatever. It was still an entertaining episode.

Retro Television Review: Saved By The Bell: The New Class 2.16 “Back At The Ranch”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00.  The show is currently on Prime.

It’s the summer that will never end!

Episode 2.16 “Back at the Ranch”

(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 29th, 1994)

Mr. Belding had so much fun working with the Gang at Palisades Country Club that he decides to take them on a week-long trip to a real-life, functioning “dude ranch” that is owned by Screech’s uncle, Lester (Lewis Arquette).

Uhmmm …. okay.  Sure, that makes sense.  Whatever.

Actually, it makes no sense.  Do these kids not have families?  It’s the summer so they all get jobs working for their principal and now they’re going to a ranch with him?  And apparently, they’re going to be working as ranch hands or something?  I mean, what the Hell?  TAKE A REAL VACATION, KIDS!

Plus, since when has Screech had an Uncle Lester who owned a dude ranch?  This has never been mentioned before.  Screech apparently grew up around horses.  Really?  We’re talking about Screech here.

Anyway, Screech is excited to be at the ranch until he sees his cousin, Clint (Bart Johnson).  Clint used to bully Screech when he was a kid and Clint still acts like he knows more about horse-riding and gold-prospecting than Screech.  While Uncle Lester and Mr. Belding drive into town, Clint takes the Gang to search for gold in the hills.  Screech stays at the ranch and has a dream where he’s in an old-timey western.  Oh look!  The townspeople are all played by members of the Gang!  Tommy’s the blacksmith.  Wow.

Screech wakes up and sees that the horses have returned but the gang hasn’t.  That’s because Tommy didn’t adequately tie up the horses at the gold mine and they all ran off.  Clint was heading back to the ranch when he got thrown from his horse.  Now, he’s got a sprained ankle and there’s a rattlesnake nearby.  It’s a good thing that Screech has got his bicycle so he can ride up into the hills and save everyone!

This was one of the stupidest things that I’ve ever seen in my life.  And seriously, that’s all I’m going to say about it.

Scenes I Love: The Birds Attack in Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director James Nguyen!  Today’s scene that I love comes from Nguyen’s masterpiece, 2010’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror!

Those who claim that Brian De Palma stole too much from Hitchcock obviously never met James Nguyen.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special James Nguyen Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Happy birthday to director James Nguyen!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special James Nguyen Edition

Julie and Jack (2003, dir by James Nguyen)

Replica (2005, dir by James Nguyen)

Birdemic (2010, dir by James Nguyen)

Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013, dir James Nguyen)

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 6.6 “Something Special”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, a man rides a motorcycle and jumps over a plane.  Also, God bless Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

Episode 6.6 “Something Special”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired November 21st, 1982)

Ponch is working with the Special Olympics and is upset to discover that Mr. Grieve (Bert Kramer) isn’t even planning on coming out to see his son, Nicky (Ricky Wittman), compete. Ponch does some research and discovers that, in his youth, Mr. Grieve was an Olympic runner. Ponch tells Mr. Grieve that his son is an athlete too, just in his own way. Personally, I think Ponch should have beaten the hell out of Mr. Grieve and then arranged to adopt Nicky himself, but that’s just me.

Yes, this was yet another story where Ponch was the all-knowing wise man who knew how to fix everything. As I’ve said before, CHiPs eventually became The Ponch Show, and Ponch could do no wrong. Sometimes that could get annoying. In this case, though, I’m fully on Ponch’s side. I should mention that this has more to do with the Special Olympics than with any sudden affinity for Ponch as a character. The Special Olympics are one of the few good things that the Kennedy family has given us, and they always make me tear up. That was certainly the case with this episode.

This episode also featured a motorcycle daredevil! Now, I have to admit that I have a weakness for motorcycle daredevils. My inner country girl loves watching men risk their lives by jumping over wrecked cars and through rings of fire. In this episode, Shake Patterson (Robbie Knievel) wants to jump over a moving airplane, and his old friends Bobby and Bruce Nelson agree to work as his pit crew. There wasn’t much to this story, but I still got a little excited when Shake managed to clear the plane.

With Ponch coaching the Special Olympics and the Nelson brothers helping Shake risk his life, you may wonder if anyone actually did any police work in this episode. Klane (Charles Napier) has recently been laid off from his job at an auto factory. Now he is seeking revenge by vandalizing Japanese and German cars. Eventually, the Highway Patrol tracks him down to a warehouse. Klane has a bottle labeled “Nitroglycerin,” and he’s threatening to break it. Fortunately, Kathy Linahan (Tina Gayle) is able to convince him to give her the bottle and surrender.

Poor Klane! As played by Charles Napier, you couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the guy. He wasn’t evil. He was someone who had lost his job and now felt like he didn’t have anything left to contribute to the world. He lost the one thing that gave his life meaning.

You know what? Considering that this is a final-season episode of a show that was definitely showing its age, “Something Special” is actually pretty good! (You thought I was going to say it was something special, didn’t you? I was tempted, but I decided that was too easy.) This was a throwback to what CHiPs did best. There was a daredevil stunt. There were plenty of chases. There was a lot of California scenery. And finally, there was that last title card, thanking the athletes of the Special Olympics.

The was a good episode.