A Movie A Day #277: Deadly Friend (1986, directed by Wes Craven)

Posted on October 12, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Things I learned from watching Deadly Friend:

Girls love nerds who build robots.

In 1986, nerds could build robots that displayed human feelings.

Angry old neighbors hate robots.

If a nerd can build a robot that displays human feelings, then he can also bring his girlfriend back to life by putting a computer chip from the robot in her brain.

Once brought back to life, the girlfriend will start to behave just like the robot.

Basketballs can be used to do anything.

Deadly Friend is best remembered for the scene where the newly revived Samantha (Kristy Swanson) throws a basketball with such force that it causes the head of her neighbor (Anne Ramsey) to explode. It is also remembered for BB, the big yellow robot that was built by Paul (Matthew Laborteaux). Deadly Friend starts out as the ultimate nerd fantasy: a beautiful girlfriend. a big robot, and a killer basketball. By the end of the movie, the fantasy has turned into a nightmare.

Deadly Friend was Wes Craven’s follow-up to A Nightmare on Elm Street. Craven intended for the film to be a dark love story between a teenage outcast and his zombie girlfriend, with a strong emphasis on the hypocrisy of the adults around them. Craven said that, in his version of Deadly Friend, people like Samantha’s abusive father were meant to be scarier than Zombie Samantha With A Microchip In Her Brain. Warner Bros. wanted a film that would appeal to teenage horror fans and demanded Elm Street-stlye nightmares and buckets of more blood. As a result, Craven practically disowned the finished movie and Deadly Friend is a tonally inconsistent, with sentimental first love scenes competing for space with heads exploding and necks being snapped. Despite good performances from Laborteaux and Swanson, the final film is too much of a mess to work. However, I know that I will never look at a basketball the same way again.

A Movie A Day #276: Bad Dreams (1988, directed by Andrew Fleming)

Posted on October 11, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

When she was a young girl, Cynthia (Jennifer Rubin) was a member of Unity Fields, a group of hippies led by the insane Franklin Harris (Richard Lynch). When Harris ordered the cult to join him in a fiery suicide pact, Cynthia was the only one to refuse. While all of the cult members when up in flames, Cynthia ended up spending 13 years in a coma. When she wakes up, she has no memory of the incident and finds herself as a patient in a psych ward. She has a support group to provide therapy. She has two doctors (Bruce Abbott and Harris Yulin) watching her every move. And she still has nightmares and visions of the long-dead Harris, appearing around the hospital, sometimes burned and sometimes not. When the members of her therapy group start to die, Cynthia is convinced that Harris has returned to claim her.

A year before starring in Bad Dreams, Jennifer Rubin made her film debut in A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. That seems appropriate because Bad Dreams would never have existed if not for A Nightmare on Elm Street. Franklin Harris is only a few bad jokes and a razor blade glove away from being Freddy Krueger’s older brother. However, if you can see past the movie’s derivative nature, Bad Dreams is not bad. Some of the deaths are inventive and Jennifer Rubin shows why she should have become a bigger star than she did. Though Franklin Harris may have been developed as stand-in for Freddy, Richard Lynch is memorably menacing and makes the role his own. Bad Dreams may have been a clone of another film but not all clones are bad.

A Movie A Day #275: The Awakening (1980, directed by Mike Newell)

Posted on October 10, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Charlton Heston is Matthew Cormbeck, a driven archaeologist. (Could an archaeologist played by Charlton Heston by anything other than driven?) In 1961, he discovers the long-lost tomb of an Egyptian queen named Kara. Ignoring both the birth of his daughter and the warning inscribed over the doorway, Matthew enters the tomb and discovers the mummified Kara. At the same time, his stillborn daughter, Margaret, comes back to life.

18 years later, Cormbeck is a teacher at a British university. He has since divorced Margaret’s mother and has married his longtime assistant, Jane (Susannah York). Matthew is still obsessed with whether or not the Egyptians are taking proper care of the mummy and wants to bring it to England. At the same time, Margaret (Stephanie Zimbalist) defies her mother and comes to England to meet her father.

Like Blood From The Mummy’s Tomb, The Awakening was based on Bram Stoker’s The Jewel of Seven Stars. Unfortunately, The Awakening is never as good as Blood from Mummy’s Tomb and gets bogged down in the lengthy Egyptian prologue. (Blood from The Mummy’s Tomb skipped over the first part of Stoker’s novel and started with Margaret already 18 and possessed.) The Awakening tries to take a more cerebral approach than the Hammer adaptation but both Heston and Zimbalist are fatally miscast. Especially in the Egyptian scenes, Heston grits his teeth and lets his ascot do most of the work.

When it comes to Heston in Egypt, stick with The Ten Commandments. When it comes to mummies in England, stick with Hammer.

Kylo, Rey, Leia, and Luke: The Trailer for Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Posted on October 9, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

“I need someone to show me my place in all this.”

After watching this trailer ten times and seeing everything from Luke’s robot hand to Kylo apparently about to open fire on his mother’s ship to the new pilot of the Millennium Falcon and finally, to Kylo extending his hand to Rey, all I can say is take my money now!

Is Rey a Kenobi? Supporters of this theory have been pointing out that Rey and Ben Kenobi both have the same fighting stance:

It would make sense. Star Wars has always been the story of the Skywalkers and a Kenobi. With Kylo being a Skywalker and a Solo, Ben Kenobi is the only major Star Wars character to not have a descendant involved in the sequels, unless it is Rey. Just as a Kenobi once taught a Skywalker will a Skywalker now teach a Kenobi?

Will Luke survive The Last Jedi? Up until two years ago, I would have said there was no way that a Star Wars film would kill off a major character like Luke Skywalker, Then Han Solo died and the universe no longer made sense.

December 15th can not get here soon enough.

A Movie A Day #274: The Dentist (1996, directed by Brian Yuzna)

Posted on October 9, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Alan (Corbin Bernsen) may be a wealthy dentist in Malibu but he still has problems. He has got an IRS agent (Earl Boen) breathing down his neck. His assistant, Jessica (Molly Hagan), has no respect for him. His demanding patients don’t take care of their teeth. His wife (Linda Hoffman) is fucking the pool guy (Michael Stadvec). When Alan feels up a beauty queen while she’s passed out from the nitrous oxide, her manager (Mark “yes, the Hulk” Ruffalo) punches him and then goes to the police. Under pressure from all sides, Alan loses his mind and a crazy dentist with a drill means a lot of missing teeth.

“You’re a rabid anti-dentite!” Kramer once yelled at Jerry Seinfeld and even people who were not already uneasy about going to dentist will be after watching Corbin Bernsen stick his drill in Earl Boen’s mouth. The scene where Alan tells a group of dental students to yank out their patients’ teeth represents everyone’s worst fear of what dentists talk about when there aren’t any innocent bystanders around. The Dentist may be predictable but Corbin Bernsen gives the performance of his career, playing the nightmare of anyone who has ever had a toothache.

Of course, good health begins with healthy teeth and real-life dentists provide a valuable service. Take it from Robert Wagner:

A Movie A Day #273: Zombie High (1987, directed by Ron Link)

Posted on October 8, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Andrea (Virginia Madsen) is a small town teenager who has just received a scholarship to attend the Ettinger Academy, a formelyr all-male boarding school. Andrea is excited because some of the most powerful and wealthy people in the country have graduated from Ettinger. Her boyfriend (James Wilder) is less excited because he worries that Ettinger is going to change Andrea. He might be right because all of the students at Ettinger are emotionless robots who read the Wall Street Journal and listen to classic music. Even Andrea’s new friends, who all seem normal, soon change into mindless preppies who wear sweaters over their shoulders.

A high school version of The Stepford Wives, Zombie High features no zombies and is more of a comedy than a straight up horror film. The movie’s original title was the far cooler The School That Ate My Brain. Zombie High is nothing special but it does feature Sherilyn Fenn in a small role, as one of the students who goes from being vampy to preppy in just one day. Virginia Madsen and Sherilyn Fenn in the same movie? What 80s or 90s kid could resist that? Also, Zombie High wins points by proving that heavy metal music is the key to reversing brainwashing.

Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures in The Internet Archive #6: The Dark Half (1992, Capstone Software)

Posted on October 8, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

For my latest trip into the most horrific section of the Internet Archive, I played The Dark Half (1992, Capstone Software).

The Dark Half was released as a tie-in with the movie version of Stephen King’s novel of the same name. I have read that some people consider The Dark Half to be one of the worst games of all time. If I can ever figure out how to get out of the cemetery, I will tell you if they are right.

You play writer Thad Beaumont, who used to write under the pen name of George Stark. As a publicity stunt, Thad and his wife hold a mock funeral for George Stark in the local cemetery. When the game starts, Thad has just discovered that someone has dug up George’s grave.

The game uses a standard point-and-click interface, the type that was once very popular but which seems clunky by today’s standards. By clicking on right side of the screen, you can walk over the groundskeeper and have a conversation with him.

The groundskeeper does not have much to say about “them Yankees” but he will unlock the shed for you. Going into the shed, you can get tools that I think will help you later in the game. The problem is that they do not help you get out of the cemetery which is where I’m running into trouble.

As soon as you leave the shed, this happens:

At first, I thought that was George Stark killing Thad but, according to a walk-through that I found, that is actually George killing the reporter who was sent to cover his “burial.”

This scene is followed by this:

That is a blank screen. Creepy music plays in the background while you get to stare at the blank screen and it just keeps on playing. I have literally counted the minutes that I have spent staring at the screen and listening to the music before getting annoyed and ending the game. The longest that I’ve gone is 8 minutes. There is no text nor pictures, just the most droning and repetitive music imaginable. Is this a glitch that only effects the Archive version of the game or did The Dark Half really come with an 8 minute-plus musical interlude? I’m hoping that someone reading this post can tell me. I would like to play the game but there’s only so much time that I can devote to staring at a blank screen.

A Movie A Day #272: Mirror Mirror (1990, directed by Marina Sargenti)

Posted on October 7, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Following the death of her husband, Susan Gordon (Karen Black) relocates to Los Angeles with her teenage daughter, Megan (Rainbow Harvest). An angry goth girl who always wears black and bears a superficial resemblance to Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice, Megan struggles to fit in at her new school and quickly attracts the unwanted attention of the school’s main mean girl, Charlene Kane (Charlie Spradling). Fortunately, Megan has an old and haunted mirror in her room that can not only bring her rotting father back to life but which Megan can also use to kill all of her tormentors.

Of the many rip-offs of Carrie, Mirror Mirror is one of the best and I am surprised that it is not better known. The plot, with a teenage girl using paranormal powers to get revenge on all of the bullies at her school, may be familiar but Mirror Mirror is better executed than most of the other films of its ilk. The script is full of snappy dialogue and, despite the low budget, the special effects are effectively grisly. There’s a scene that does for garbage disposals what Jaws did for the water. One thing that sets Mirror Mirror apart from similar films is that Megan is sometimes not a very sympathetic character. Unlike Carrie, who was scared of her powers and only used them once she was pushed over the edge, Megan is initially very enthusiastic about using the mirror to get revenge for every slight, real and perceived.

The cast also does a good job, with Karen Black giving one of her least restrained performances. Keep an eye out for Yvonne DeCarlo playing a realtor and William Sanderson as Susan’s strange new boyfriend. The best performance comes from Rainbow Harvest, a talented actress who appeared in a handful of movies in the 80s and 90s and then appears to have vanished from the face of the Earth. Believe it or not, Rainbow Harvest was her real name.

A Movie A Day #271: Spellbinder (1988, directed by Janet Greek)

Posted on October 6, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Jeff Mills (Tim Daly) is an attorney who might be unlucky in love but who still owns a copy of every movie that Frank Capra has ever directed. (There is even a scene where two of his friends are seen looking at his movie collection and saying, “He’s got every movie Capra ever made!”) Miranda (Kelly Preston) is the beautiful and mysterious woman who Jeff saves from an abusive boyfriend. Within minutes of meeting her, Jeff invites Miranda to say with him in his apartment. For Jeff, it is love at first sight but his friends (Rick Rossovich and Diana Bellamy) worry that Jeff is getting in over his head with a woman about whom he knows nothing. Weird things start to happen in Jeff’s apartment and a woman (Audra Lindley) shows up in his office, taunting him about how she dug up his mother’s bones and used them in a black magic ceremony. Eventually, Miranda confesses that she is on the run from a Satanic coven that was planning on sacrificing her but is she telling the whole truth?

Spellbinder is an enjoyably daft movie, especially if you are a fan of Kelly Preston. It’s not that the rest of the cast isn’t good but this really is Preston’s show and her mix of All-American beauty and otherworldly sexiness is put to good use as the enigmatic Miranda. It is easy to believe that Jeff would fall in love with her despite not knowing much about her. The movie also has a few good scare scenes, like one in which the faces of all the members of the coven suddenly appear crowded around a window, staring in. A slickly made example of how Hollywood made money off of the Satanic panic of the 1980s, Spellbinder is essentially The Wicker Man set in Los Angeles and is more entertaining than Neil LaBute’s actual remake. (Even if it doesn’t have any bees.)

Jedadiah Leland’s Horrific Adventures In The Internet Archive #5: Baal (1989, Psygnosis Limited)

Posted on October 6, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

For my next adventure in the horror section of the Internet Archive, I played Baal (1989, Psygnosis Limited).

In Baal, you are a leader of something called The Time Warriors. A demon named Baal has stolen a super weapon and it is up to you to infiltrate Baal’s underground lair, kill Baal’s warriors, get the weapon, and destroy Baal. It sounds simple but this game is biased against people like me who aren’t any good at games like this.

The game starts with you materializing in Baal’s lair. I think the blue contraption is a transporter.

Yes, there are ladders and multiple levels. The controls are simple. Use the arrow keys to move. Press the space bar to fire our weapon. If you want jump, press the space bar and an arrow key at the same time.

That serpent is one of Baal’s minions. You can destroy the serpent by shooting it several times but don’t make my mistake and get too close. Touching the serpent kills you.

After it kills you, the serpent flies away. That was cool.

After getting killed by the serpent, I was given a second chance. This time, instead of running forward, I ran up the ladder. I discovered that, much like the serpents, you do not want to touch that blue force field. I also discovered what happens when you fall off a level.

Eventually, I figured out how to jump and I also managed to kill the serpent before it killed me. This is what I discovered at the other end of the cave.