Tis the season that hardworking New York reporters find themselves stranded in snowy middle America and end up falling in love while saving historic inns! In 2017’s Snowed Inn Christmas, the two reporters are played by Bethany Joy Lenz and Andrew W. Walker and the inn is located in Santa Claus, Indiana.
Yes, it’s predictable. Most of these films are. That’s actually a huge part of their appeal. They take place in a much more innocent world and they celebrate the holiday season without shame or snarkiness. The important thing is that Bethany Joy Lenz and Andrew W. Walker eventually make for a cute couple and the snowy scenery is really nice to look at.
The career path of Adam Sandler — going from making likable comedies like Happy Gilmore and The Wedding Singer to making terrible movies like That’s My Boy to then emerging as one Hollywood’s most dependable dramatic actors — is one of those things that will fascinate (and perhaps confuse) future cultural historians. Myself, I appreciate any actor who can go from being the Razzie Champion to someone who was robbed of an Oscar. It’s probably one of the few things that Sylvester Stallone and Adam Sandler have in common.
I would also point out that Adam Sandler is always at his most likable when he sings about Hanukkah. Here he is with today’s song of the day.
In 2019’s A Karate Christmas Miracle, young Jesse Genesis (Mario Del Vecchio) believes that if he can become a black belt in four days, his father — who has been missing for a year — will return home. Jesse’s mother, Abby (Mila Milosevic) tries to get Jesse to understand that his father was abducted and probably murdered by a killer clown. Eventually, trying to understand what happened to her husband, Abby teams up with Elizabeth (Julie McCullough), a quirky law professor who is also psychic.
This is a strange film. Eric Roberts and Martin Kove are listed as co-starring in the film but actually, all of their footage appears to have been lifted from 2015’s Joker’s Poltergeist, a film that stylistically and thematically has next to nothing in common with A Karate Christmas Miracle. Scenes of Jesse practicing karate and trying to work his way up to black belt in just six days are mixed with scenes of Eric Roberts threatening to kill people and Martin Kove rambling about he wants to leave a movie theater to his daughter. The scenes just don’t mix but they do show that if Eric Roberts and Martin Kove aren’t available to do your bad movie, you can just lift scenes of them from an even worse movie.
Sitting through A Karate Christmas Miracle is a bit of a struggle. It’s only 81 minutes long but every scene still goes on for too long and the dialogue is full of overly quirky moments that probably sounded great in the writer’s head but which play out very awkwardly on film. This movie really made me appreciate films that are actually edited in a professional manner. We tend to take good editing for granted. This movie reminds us not to.
Now, to be honest, the story did have some potential. A child is so desperate for his father to return that he sets an impossible goal for himself. Seriously, in the right hands, this could have been a real tearjerker. But everything about A Karate Christmas Miracle just feels off. The film works itself towards an heartfelt ending that it really hasn’t earned.
Perhaps the best thing that can be said about this film is that it’s still better than Joker’s Poltergeist.
Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:
The 2017 film, A Very Merry Toy Store, asks the age-old question: “Could any couple possibly be more adorable than Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez?”
Melissa Joan Hart (Sabrina!) and Mario Lopez (Slater!) play rival toy store owners. (Their fathers once owned one big toy store but that didn’t work out.) Hart’s idealistic toy store is struggling. Lopez’s more commercial toy store is thriving. But they’re going to have to set aside their differences (and accept that they’re totally in love) because a big chain store is coming to town!
It’s a cute movie, one that works because the leads are so likable. (Brian Dennehy and Beth Broderick are both well-cast in supporting roles.) What can I say? I like this movie! Maybe I just always wanted to own a toy store.
(If I had a toy store, I would so a “Buy a Toy, Get A Free Book” promotion.)
As I scrolled through the “Recommended” movies on Tubi last night, I came across this one movie, CHRISTMAS CRASH, that intrigued me. It sounded sort of like a Hallmark movie, but it starred Michael Madsen, an actor I couldn’t possibly imagine in a Hallmark movie. Check out this description on Tubi…
“An unhappily married couple is presumed dead after their private plane crashes in the woods, but reconnects as their survival offers a second chance.”
All bad grammar aside, it was very late at night and I was looking for something that required zero functioning brain cells, and this seemed to fit the bill. Also, I had recently watched Madsen in the theatrical release of KILL BILL: THE WHOLE BLOODY AFFAIR, where he was so good, so I thought I’d check out his performance as the husband reconnecting with his wife, played here by Alexandra Paul (BAYWATCH).
After watching CHRISTMAS CRASH, all I can say is that I still can’t imagine Michael Madsen in anything that resembles a Hallmark movie. To say that he was “miscast as the beleaguered husband attempting to reconnect with his wife while attempting to survive the trek back to civilization after the plane crash” just may be my understatement of the year. There was nothing about his performance that seemed remotely realistic from the very beginning to the very end. Still, his uncomfortable line delivery, whether it be in a tense board meeting, out in the middle of the woods, or at a Christmas party at the end of the movie, is my favorite part of the movie. It was oddly enjoyable in a way that I can’t quite explain. Alexandra Paul does come off a little better as she proves to have some determined survival instincts, but this will not be on anyone’s list of career highlights.
CHRISTMAS CRASH has some pretty Canadian scenery as the married couple fly their plane over some beautiful mountains before crash landing in a beautiful, frigid lake. Luckily for them though, they’re able to swim to the shore, start a small, but obviously very warm, fire and somehow not succumb to hypothermia. And the weather, at least based on the news reports their terrified daughters are seeing on TV, is so terrible that search and rescue efforts have to be suspended. The problem is we never see any of this bad weather. What we’re shown looks fine! I laughed out loud when I saw that weather report coupled with beautiful sunshine! I will admit that I was worried about the big gash on Madsen’s lower leg after the accident, especially since it looked so dirty. But after the initial application of a homemade tourniquet, it wasn’t really mentioned any further. After about thirty minutes of screen time with no grody scenes of leg re-dressing, I quit worrying about it. And then there are the wolves that attempt to make a snack of our couple. I’ve seen THE GREY with Liam Neeson and I’ve been to Yellowstone, so I know that wolves are very dangerous. Let’s just say that the wolves of CHRISTMAS CRASH are too easily fended off with a medium-sized stick to ever feel too dangerous. There was this one moment where it appeared a wolf might have been biting on Madsen’s injured character for a moment, but after they run off, it’s never mentioned or shown that he was injured in any way, so I guess that wolf didn’t have any teeth.
My initial thoughts on at least a superficial connection between CHRISTMAS CRASH and the Hallmark channel did prove perceptive, as the movie is directed by Terry Ingram. A quick review of Mr. Ingram’s directorial credits on IMDB reveal an extensive connection to Hallmark, with generic titles such as HATS OFF TO CHRISTMAS, ‘TIS THE SEASON FOR LOVE, and THE MISTLETOE SECRET. Despite the director’s apparent love of the season and the fact this movie is titled CHRISTMAS CRASH, it sure doesn’t feel very Christmassy. With extremely limited changes, this movie could be set in any season, so don’t expect any feelings of genuine Yuletide spirit.
Overall, I’d say the best thing about CHRISTMAS CRASH is that it’s a 90 minute movie that has potential value in a “so bad it’s funny” kind of way. I think it would be fun to watch with friends, or as a “Live Movie Tweet” on social media. I watched the whole movie, had a few unintentional laughs, and when it was over around 1:00 in the morning, I went to bed none the worse for the wear.
Mrs. Claus (Mira Sorvino) has left the North Pole and is living it up in Las Vegas!
Now, don’t panic. The plot of 2012’s Finding Mrs. Claus does not involve the Kringles going to divorce court. Can you imagine how traumatic that would be? It would ruin Christmas for everyone and I have a feeling that Santa probably wouldn’t put much effort into his job afterwards. Or, even worse, the court might award the Workshop to Mrs. Claus and she might let her new boyfriend, Tony the Gigolo, take over the business. If that ever happens, I hope everyone’s okay with their chimneys smelling like Axe body spray on Christmas morning.
Fortunately, Mrs. Claus and Kris (Will Sasso) are still very much in love. It’s just that Mrs. Claus gets upset when she sees how exhausted Kris is at the end of the day. When she comes across a letter from a little girl in Las Vegas who wants her mom to find a new husband for Christmas, Mrs. Claus decides to give her husband a break and take care of it herself. With the help of Calvin the Elf (Geoff Gustafson), she loses his white wig and her old German clothes and she is transformed into …. well, Mira Sorvino. Mrs. Claus heads to Las Vegas, intent on spreading Christmas cheer.
Kris, when he wakes up, is not happy to discover that his wife is missing. Grabbing Calvin, he heads down to Vegas to find her. (He loses the beard on the way to America.) If Kris can’t find Mrs. Claus before Christmas, there’s going to be a lot of disappointed children in the world. While Mrs. Claus tried to find a husband for Noelle (Laura Vandervoort), Kris tries to find his wife.
And yes, as you probably already guessed as soon as I mentioned that this movie takes place in Las Vegas, there is an Elvis impersonator sight gag. It happens quickly but seriously, it’s a Lifetime Christmas film that’s set in Vegas. There has to be an Elvis impersonator somewhere!
What’s that? Do I hear you being cynical out there? Well, stop it! It’s a cute movie! It’s a holiday movie that features Mira Sorvino being glamorous as Mrs. Claus and Will Sasso being cheerfully clueless as Santa. Both Sorvino and Sasso really throw themselves into their roles and the fact that both of them are so well-intentioned but yet so naive about life outside of the North Pole actually make their story a rather sweet one. While Mrs. Claus understood the importance of blending in with Las Vegas, Santa never seemed to get why anyone would doubt him when he explained what he did for a living.
In the end, this is the type of silly, sentimental, and earnest film that works nicely during the holidays. The holiday season is a good time to be reminded that not everything has to be dark and depressing. Towards the end of the film, a character spots a shooting star and makes a wish and it’s hard not to feel that it’s a moment that the film has earned.
Bill Dancer (James Belushi), a homeless drifter and small-time con artist, and his 9 year old companion Curly Sue (Alisan Porter), survive by running somewhat harmless scams against rich people. While traveling through Chicago they target Grey Ellison (Kelly Lynch), a rich, career-focused divorce attorney, tricking her into thinking that she ran over Bill with her Mercedes. Normally the pair are just after a free meal and maybe a little cash, but Bill doesn’t have the heart to take too much from Grey since she’s so darn pretty. Through a variety of circumstances, she actually does run over Bill the next day. This time she brings him and Curly Sue up to her fancy apartment so he can recover, despite the objections from her snobby boyfriend Walker (John Getz). As the three get to know each other, Grey forms an especially close connection with Curly Sue, and learns that Bill isn’t her actual dad, even though he’s raised her since she was a baby. Knowing that Grey can give Curly Sue a better life than he can, Bill thinks about leaving. But can he ever leave the girl he sees as a daughter? And can Grey discover a compassion for others and the maternal instinct that she’s been missing?
As is often the case with movies I choose to write about, I had a sense of nostalgic warmth while watching CURLY SUE this morning for the first time in three decades. I saw CURLY SUE at the movie theater with my high school girlfriend in the fall of 1991. I remember enjoying the film and even buying it on VHS as a gift for my mom because I knew she would like it. In the years before she could record her Hallmark movies on her DVR, Mom watched that VHS tape many times.
Quite different from his classic teen comedies, CURLY SUE, which is the final film directed by John Hughes, can only be described as unapologetically sentimental. Sure the movie is formulaic and pure syrup, but I still enjoy it anyway. This heartwarming fairy tale will make you believe that an unconventional, loving family can emerge from the most unexpected of circumstances. It will suggest that there are some things more important than any amount of money can buy. It will make you laugh out loud at times, and yes, it will even bring a tear to your eye as some of the more emotional scenes play out. CURLY SUE wants to manipulate its audience’s emotions, and it will happen if you just go with it. On the down side, if you catch this film in the wrong kind of mood, or if you’re feeling especially cynical, that magic will disappear and you probably won’t enjoy the movie at all.
As for the performances, as a fan of James Belushi, I like him as the gruff but likable Bill. I also enjoy Kelly Lynch as the she evolves from a person married to her work to someone who starts to care deeply about the people around her. Probably the most important performance in the film comes from Alisan Porter as Curly Sue. If you don’t find her cute and adorable, then you’ll probably have a hard time watching the movie. I personally found her to be quite precious so that was not a problem for me. Once again, the movie version of early 90’s Chicago as our setting is something I enjoy as well.
Overall, CURLY SUE is not in the same league as Hughes’ best work like PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES, and there will be many who downright dislike the schmaltzy nature of the film. However, if you’re in a nostalgic mood for an earnest, early ‘90s heart-tugger, this movie might just hit the spot.
On Christmas Eve, a miserly businessman is visited by a series of ghosts who help him understand the true meaning of Christmas, along with showing him a frightening vision of a possible future.
And that businessman was named …. Benedict Slade!
Yeah, the name’s have been changed and the action has been updated to Depression-era New England but this is basically the story of Scrooge. Henry Winkler stars as the Scrooge character in the 1979 made-for-TV movie. His old age make-up was done by none other than Rick Baker!
You might recognize today’s song of the day from the opening credits of Boardwalk Empire, the Martin Scorsese-produced show that starred Steve Buscemi, who is celebrating a birthday today.
Through the Shattered Lens 