First Time Out”

Posted on October 12, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

The Love Boat 1.5 “The Joker Is Mild / Take My Granddaughter, Please / First Time Out”

(Dir by Richard Kinon and Alan Rafkin, originally aired on October 29th, 1977)

This week’s cruise is all about remaining true to yourself!

For instance, Julie makes what appears to be a big mistake when she agrees to let a washed-up comic named Barry Keys (Phil Foster) do a show in the ship’s lounge. Throughout the cruise, Barry gets on everyone’s nerves with his old-fashioned jokes and his vaudeville stylings. Captain Stubing gives Julie an annoyed look whenever Barry starts to speak. Julie knows that her career is on the line but she made a promise. And Barry, it turns out, know what he’s doing. When it comes time for his performance, he asks for a stool so that he can sit in the middle of the stage and talk about the generation gap. (“Let’s rap, as the kids say,” Barry says.) Hooray! Barry has revived his career and Julie still has a job.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Warner (Ruth Gordon) is determined to find a husband for her granddaughter, Shirley (Patty Duke, who spends the entire episode looking as if she’s wondering how she could go from winning an Oscar to this). Shirley would like to hook up with the pleasantly bland Dave King (played by Tab Hunter). Mrs. Warner wants her to go out with Dr. Bricker! In the end, Shirley stands up for herself, as any single 30 year-old should. (To be honest, I thought Patty Duke’s character was closer to 40 but that’s mostly the fault of whoever in the costume department decided to make her wear some of the least flattering outfits available.) It’s all for the best. Dave is a nice guy and Doc has an exam room full of pornographic magazines to take care of.

Finally, a group of college students board the ship with one mission in mind. They want their friend Dan (Robert Hegyes, who has a truly impressive head of hair) to lose his virginity. Dan, it turns out, is not only shy but he also has no idea how to talk to women. Fortunately, her runs into Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick) and it turns out that Marica likes shy, socially awkward guys with a lot of hair. Okay, technically Maureen is playing Barbara Holmes but seriously, we all know that Barbara was actually Marcia.

This was a majorly uneven episode. Barry’s revised act didn’t seem any funnier than his old stuff and it was kind of hard to sympathize with Shirley and her inability to make her own decisions. That said, Maureen McCormick and Robert Hegyes made for a cute couple and their storyline was the most satisfying of the episode. Personally, I think this episode would have worked better if Ruth Gordon had played Maureen McCormick’s grandmother as opposed to Patty Duke’s. McCormick was young enough that it would have been a bit less pathetic for her to be bossed around by her grandmother and one can imagine how Ruth Gordon would have reacted to McCormick picking hairy Dan over a doctor.

Oh well! The important thing is that everything worked out in the end and love won’t hurt anymore.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 1.5 “Lady of the Evening/The Racer”

Posted on October 11, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Smiles, everyone, smiles! It’s time for another trip to Fantasy Island, the most dramatic mystical island this side of Lost! This week, we have three fantasies and Tattoo tries to grow mustache.

Episode 1.5 “Lady of the Evening/The Racer”

(Directed by Don Weis, originally aired on February 25th, 1978)

This episode begins with the bell ringing and Tattoo yelling that the plane is arriving. Before Mr. Roarke and Tattoo drive off to greet the plane, Mr. Roarke tells Tattoo to wash his face because he has what appears to be a smudge on his upper lip. Tattoo explains that he’s growing a mustache because all of the world’s great lovers (including, Tattoo says, Burt Reynolds) have mustaches. Tattoo’s effort to grow a mustache is a running joke through this episode of Fantasy Island. Needless to say, it doesn’t go well for him. Eventually, he resorts to using shoe polish. By the end of the episode, Tattoo finally washes his face and presumably returns to doing whatever it is that he actually does on the island.

As for the fantasies….

Renee Lansing (Carol Lynley) is a high-priced New York “call girl” who just wants to take a vacation some place where no one knows what she does for a living. At first, the fantasy seems to be going well. She even meets a nice guy named Bill (Paul Burke). But then, on the tennis court — OH MY GOD, IT’S ONE OF HER CUSTOMERS! Renee runs off to Mr. Roarke’s office and demands her money back. Mr. Roarke tells her that she’s not being honest with herself about what her fantasy actually is. At this point, I was really wondering what one goes through when one signs up to Fantasy Island. I assume some sort of agreement has to be signed. Does the agreement actually state that Mr. Roarke gets to decide what your fantasy actually is? Renee’s fantasy was to not be recognized. She’s been recognized. GIVE HER BACK HER MONEY, ROARKE!

Anyway, it all turns out for the best. Bill reveals that he also knows who Renee is (GIVE HER BACK HER MONEY!) but he doesn’t care because he’s secretly been in love with her for years and apparently, it was his fantasy to be reunited with her. Good for Bill but Renee still didn’t get her fantasy. Someone needs to introduce her to a good lawyer.

Meanwhile, Jack Kincaid (played by the master of overacting, Christopher George) is a race car driver who has never mentally recovered from a serious crash. His fantasy is to reexperience the crash so that he can get back his confidence. Mr. Roarke goes through a lot of trouble to build an exact replica of the race track on which Jack crashed. He even brings Jack’s mechanic, Corky (Alan Hale, Jr.), to the island. Fortunately, Jack’s wife (Carol Lawrence) convinces Jack that he has nothing to prove. So, Jack doesn’t get his fantasy but he does become a better person.

Did anyone get their fantasy this week!? Actually, Mr. Brennan (Jerry Van Dyke) did. Mr. Brennan shows up in one scene and tells Roarke that he loved his fantasy, which was apparently to play tennis without having to deal with his wife nagging him …. wait, what? That’s the fantasy that Roarke actually honors?

I’m starting to think Fantasy Island might be a scam! We’ll find out more next week, I guess.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 1.11 “The Bachelor Pad” and 1.12 “Poetic Justice”

Posted on October 10, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

We are reaching the conclusion of the first season of Hang Time and it’s time for us to ask where we’re all going with this show. What will be the ultimate conclusion of Deering’s season? Let’s get in the mood to find out with the Hang Time theme song!

Get out on that court and put it in the basket!

Episode 1.11 “The Bachelor Pad”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 18th, 1995)

“Great game, everyone!” Coach Fuller announces at the start of this episode, letting us know that Deering is finally having a good season. I wonder if they’ll make it to the state championship? (Of course, they will! A show would never be made about a merely adequate team. That seems a bit unfair, though. Most high school teams are merely adequate and surely, they deserve some representation as well!)

There’s trouble in paradise! Danny’s parents are out of town and, for some reason, this leads to Danny staying at Coach Fuller’s penthouse for three days. A student staying with his teacher and coach for the weekend? I remember when this happened on Degrassi. The end result was the coach getting fired and the student being traumatized for life. Seriously, Danny staying with Fuller seems massively inappropriate but I guess the 90s were a different time. Meanwhile, Sam is worried that no one takes her seriously because she’s just the equipment manager.

Anyway, you can guess what happens, can’t you? Coach Fuller goes out for the evening. Danny does the Risky Business dance in Fuller’s penthouse and then everyone from school shows up. The wild party leads to Fuller’s $3,000 chair getting damaged. The next day, during the game, Fuller learns about the party and the damage to his chair and he chases Danny out onto the court. Fuller is kicked out of the game and Sam has to take over. Sam coaches the team to victory and the team apologizes to the coach. Yay!

Oh — and due to winning that game, the team is going to the league championship! Take that, merely adequate teams!

As for the episode itself, this is another one of those episodes that drives me crazy because every problem that the characters run into is due to their own stupidity. Still, it was nice that Hillary Tuck finally got a chance to shine. The team owes their victory to a redhead. Yay, Sam!

Episode 1.12 “Poetic Justice”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 25th, 1995)

“Chris and I are a couple!” Julie announces at the end of this episode.

“A couple of what?” Mary Beth responds and I’ll admit right now that I laughed. Megan Parlen’s delivery was perfect on that line.

Mary Beth has reason to be upset because, just before Julie made her announcement, she was telling Chris that she wanted to get back together with him. Mary Beth may have thought that she was over Chris but Earl encouraged her to write a poem about her feelings and that led to Mary Beth realizing that she was still in love with her ex.

Earl’s a poet now? Yep.

Julie is finally ready to public with her relationship with Chris? Yep.

The championship is coming up with all of this drama going on? Yep.

Yes, it’s all kind of silly but it was worth it for that one line. “A couple of what?” It made me laugh and that really is kind of the point of the show.

Next week, it’s championship time!

Retro Television Review: Scream of the Wolf (dir by Dan Curtis)

Posted on October 9, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1974’s Scream of the Wolf. It can be viewed on YouTube!

A small town in California is shocked when a series of brutal murders occur within the city limits. Someone or something is killing people whenever the moon is full. The only clue are the footprints that the killer leaves behind at every scene. Strangely, there are time when the kill seems to walking on all fours, suggesting that it’s a wild animal. But then, suddenly, there are only two footprints, indicating that the killer is a man. Is the killer a beast or a human?

Maybe it’s both.

That’s the question that John Weatherby (Peter Graves) attempts to answer in Scream of the Wolf. John is a former hunter who is now working on a book about his life. He looks at the footprints and the savagery of the attacks and he says that the killer is obviously a wolf because no human could be capable of doing such a thing. However, many people in town are convinced that the killer is a werewolf. That includes John’s girlfriend, Sandy (Jo Ann Pflug).

In fact, Sandy thinks that she knows exactly who the werewolf is. She thinks that Bryon Douglas (Clint Walker) is responsible for the murders. Byron is an old friend of John’s. They used to hunt together. John eventually turned his back on hunting but Byron continues to insist that people are never more alive than when they are hunting another creature. In fact, Byron claims that the murders are actually a good thing. According to Byron, the murders have woken up the survival instinct in the spoiled inhabitants of the town. And indeed, the citizens of the town do appear to be getting progressively more and more paranoid.

Okay, so Byron obviously has some issues. But does that make him a werewolf? John insists that there are no werewolves and that Byron is just a somewhat eccentric blowhard. John better hope that he’s right because Byron has announced that he’s going to hunt down the werewolf and he’s invited John to join him on the hunt.

Running a brisk 78 minutes and not wasting a single one of them, Scream of the Wolf is an enjoyable and atmospheric werewolf film. I don’t think I actually heard a wolf scream over the course of the film but I did hear plenty of people scream. For a made for TV movie, Scream of the Wolf doesn’t shy away from showing the horror of being stalked by an unseen creature in the middle of the night. Needless to say, any film featuring Peter Graves as a former big game hunter is going to have a bit of camp appeal but, in the end, Graves’s somewhat stolid acting style works well for the character that he is playing. Clint Walker, who towers over everyone else in the film, gives an intimidating and creepy performance as Byron. The film’s central mystery isn’t particularly complex but the story is told well. Scream of the Wolf is a simple but entertaining film, one that’s ideal for October viewing.

Retro Television Review: California Dreams 1.11 “They Shoot Videos, Don’t They?” and 1.12 “The Time”

Posted on October 8, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

The story of California’s blandest garage band continues. Last week was all about Tiffani getting mad at her mom and surfing. What will this week be about?

Let’s just lie here in the sun until these dreams are done. Actually, how do those lyrics go? I don’t really feel like relistening to theme song to find out.

Episode 1.11 “They Shoot Videos, Don’t They?”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 21st, 1992)

Remember Randi-Jo? Randi-Jo was Matt’s girlfriend. She was incredibly boring but so was Matt. On the show, Randi-Jo appeared in the pilot and then she appeared in the 3rd episode and then she vanished and the viewers even saw Matt dating (or at least trying to date) other women.

In episode 11, Randi-Jo suddenly shows up again! She and Matt are so in love that she gets upset when Matt is supposed to be kissed by a girl in a music video that the Dreams is filming for a music video contest. Randi-Jo ends up dumping Matt’s boring ass and Matt gets all mopey and writes a depressing song. The Dreams then go on to film a music video that looks like every student film ever made. Check out that dark lighting! Check out that emotional close-up! It looks like every bad indie film to ever come out of Austin.

This episode might have been better if Matt and Randi-Jo weren’t such boring characters and if maybe Matt was a little bit less whiny. (“I just need to be alone, okay?” Shut up, Matt.) We do get watch the process by which Matt turns heartbreak into a song and it’s not very impressive. (“Maybe I’m crazy,” Matt sings and I have to admit that I kind of groaned at the realization that Matt Garrison was essentially a 16 year-old version of Michael Bolton.) To be honest, though, Randi-Jo was being a bit unreasonable. People kiss in music videos. Calm down.

Episode 1.12 “The Time”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 28th, 1992)

The Dreams need a tour bus so that they can get to a show that’s several miles away. Sly buys an old VW van, one that is covered with 60s era graffiti and bumper stickers about making love and not war. Jenny freaks out when she finds a Partridge Family cassette in the van. I don’t blame her.

Jenny has other problems, though. She’s gotten back together with her jerky ex-boyfriend, Eric. Eric is charming but self-centered and he doesn’t believe in the Dreams! Soon, Jenny is blowing off rehearsals and actually having a life separate from hanging out with her brother’s band. However, Eric soon proves himself to still be a cad and Jenny returns to the band. Yay, I guess.

This one was okay, if just because every woman has known and dated someone like Eric and it’s good to be reminded that we deserve better. Plus, Jenny got to star in her own black-and-white music video, which was far superior to the video that Matt starred in with his little break-up song.

These two episodes left me feeling mellow.

Retro Television Review: One World 1.11 “The Thanksgiving Show” and 1.12 “The One Where Sui and Alex Walk”

Posted on October 7, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing One World, which ran on NBC from 1998 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of One World

When we last checked in with One World, Jane was dating Ben’s no good brother and Ben was dating a recovering alcoholic named Alex. How much drama will this all lead to? Let’s find out. After all, we’re living in one world….

Episode 1.11 “The Thanksgiving Show”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

The holidays are approaching and the Blakes are a family divided.

Cray is heading to Disneyland with a previously unmentioned friend, “Bobby DeVito.” (I assume he’s a mix of Robert De Niro and Danny De Vito.) Ben and Marci are throwing a charity benefit for the homeless at Miami’s hottest under-21 club, The Warehouse. Offended that Ben is only using his benefit to promote his music career, Neal is planning on giving out food to the homeless on his own. Meanwhile, Sui is waiting to hear whether or not she’s gotten a try-out with the U.S. Olympic team and Jane is worrying that the Blakes won’t have the type of big, traditional Thanksgiving that she’s always secretly wanted.

Sui’s an Olympic-class athlete? Where did that come from? And Jane is secretly obsessed with turkey and yams? Again, it kind of comes out of nowhere. But you know what? This was actually a pretty effective episode and both Michelle Krusiec (as Sui) and Arroyn Lloyd (as Jane) gave good performances that convinced the viewer that yes, Sui could go to the Olympics and yes, under her tough exterior, Jane actually could be a lover of big family holidays. And even if the benefit storyline was a bit heavy-handed, it was still heartfelt and sincere. Sitcoms are kind of notorious for bad holiday episodes but One World did a pretty good job as far as Thanksgiving was concerned.

This episode ended with a cliffhanger as Sui was injured in an auto accident. How would this effect her Olympics dreams? The answer was in the very next episode.

Episode 1.12 “The One Where Sui and Alex Walk”

(Directed by Chuck Vinson, originally aired on December 5th, 1998)

Sui returns from the hospital and, saying that rehab hurts too much, she abandons her Olympics dreams. But then, for some odd reason, Cray decides that he wants to play the harp and Sui figure that if Cray can handle everyone in the world laughing at him, she can handle the pain.

Actually, I know that sounds like I’m being snarky but this was a pretty good episode and the entire cast really delivered, even when the dialogue got a bit heavy-handed. Speaking as someone who has broken her ankle more than a few times, this episode did a very good job of capturing the fear and uncertainty that comes from recovering from a major injury.

Meanwhile, Alex left Ben because it was totally obvious that he’s in love with Jane. And Jane left Bryan because it was totally obvious that Jane only liked Bryan because he shared Ben’s DNA. Now that they’re both single, will Ben and Jane get together?

We’ll find out next week!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 1.11 “The College Girl,” 1.12 “Bye Mom,” and 1.13 “Old Friends”

Posted on October 6, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Today, we wrap up season one of City Guys! Can you feel the excitement?

Episode 1.11 “The College Girl”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 22nd, 1997)

Chris meets Alison, a girl in a NYU sweatshirt and gets a date with her by lying about how old he is. He claims that he’s an undercover cop. She believe him because the episode wouldn’t work otherwise. The next day, after their date, Chris discovers that Alison is the new student teacher! At first, Chris tries to convince her that he’s working undercover to break up a drug ring and to prove it, he arrests El-Train! Eventually, Chris comes clean and Alison dumps his lying ass. You go, Alison! Chris learns an important lesson about always being himself and also about how it’s never too late to apologize.

Meanwhile, Dawn freaks out when she’s voted the school’s worst dancer. She gets Jamal to teach her how to dance. This subplot would have worked better if not for the fact that Caitlin Mowery (who played Dawn) was clearly a better dancer than Wesley Jonathan (who played Jamal).

It was a pretty dumb episode but I did laugh at the fact that, even after the lie was exposed, El-Train continued to believe that Chris was an undercover cop.

Episode 1.12 “Bye, Mom”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 29th, 1997)

Jamal is failing English so Ms. Noble tutors him by taking him up to the roof and explaining the plot of Romeo and Juliet to him. This leads to Jamal having childhood flashbacks to his recently deceased mother teaching him how to play the piano. When Ms. Noble has to go into the hospital, Jamal worries that he’s going to lose her and he’s forced to deal with his own unresolved feelings about the death of his mother. For the most part, this was a heartfelt episode and Wesley Jonathan did a good job of capturing Jamal’s fear.

That said, this episode also featured an excruciatingly unfunny guest turn from Garry Marshall, who played the school’s vice principal and who didn’t leave a single piece of scenery unchewed.

Episode 1.13 “Old Friends”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 5th, 1997)

Remember that video yearbook that Chris and Jamal were supposed to be working on? Well, the show finally returned to that theme in the final episode of the first season. With the school year coming to an end, Chris and Jamal are trying to finish things up. Unfortunately, Mike (Victor Tugunde), an old friend of Jamal’s, has been released from juvenile detention and Jamal would suddenly rather hang out with Mike than with Chris!

Then the video camera disappears and guess who stole it! Jamal realizes that he’s moved on from his old friends and Chris …. well, I guess Chris gets to know all of his classmates as he interviews them for the video yearbook. The season ends with Chris and Jamal playing basketball on the school courtyard where they first met. It’s not a bad ending for a first season, to be honest.

Next week, season 2 begins and Chris and Jamal go from editing the video yearbook to running the student radio station. The city guys keep rolling.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 1.5 “Isaac the Groupie / Mr. Popularity / Help! Murder!”

Posted on October 5, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Just remember …. the Love Boat promises something for everyone.

Episode 1.5 “Isaac the Groupie / Mr. Popularity / Help! Murder!”

(Directed by Peter Baldwin, Tony Webster, and James Sheldon, originally aired on October 22nd, 1977)

This episode was all about mistaken identities.

Robert Tanner (Jim Nabors) is the most annoying man to ever set sail on the Love Boat. All he does is talk and talk about what he had for dinner. Unfortunately, he’s had the same liver and onions dinner for several years now so it’s not like he has much to say that would be considered to be new. Everyone on the ship avoids Mr. Tanner but Captain Stubing insists that Julie figure out a way to keep him happy. (No, not like that….) Fortunately, two passengers read an article about an international jewel thief named Roscoe Toler and they decide that Tanner must be Toler. (What?) Suddenly, everyone is hanging out with Mr. Tanner and listening to his stories. I’m not sure why being mistaken for a criminal would make everyone want to hang out with Tanner. I mean, aren’t they worried about their jewelry?

While that’s going on, Isaac is excited because his favorite singer, Roxy Blue (Diahann Carroll), is sailing on the boat. She’s using an assumed name. Not even the rest of the crew know that she’s onboard. But Isaac recognizes her as soon as she sits down at the bar and soon, the two of them are having a ship-board romance. Good for Isaac and, even more importantly, good for Ted Lange, who gives a really likable performance in this episode. Unfortunately, once the cruise ends, Roxy will go back to her life as the world’s most famous singer and Isaac will once again be the ship’s only bartender. This is one of those storylines that would be unthinkable today. Just try to imagine any celebrity managing to sneak on a boat (or anywhere) without the world knowing.

Finally, in our third and final storyline, Bert Fredricks (David Groh) wants to throw a surprise party for his wife, Denise (Michele Lee). Unfortunately, his wife spots him talking to Julie and decides that Bert is cheating on her. Then she overhears Gopher talking about “blowing up” something and she decides that Bert is going to kill her! (Gopher was actually talking about the photographs that Bert had asked him to secretly take of his wife.) Everything is eventually worked out but seriously, how bad was their marriage that Denise had absolutely no doubt that Bert was going to kill her so that he could run off with a cruise director that he had only known for a day?

Anyway, this was another one of those mixed episodes. The Isaac storyline was nice, largely because of the chemistry between Lange and Carroll. The other two storylines were both examples of the type of thing that drives me crazy, where everything could be resolved if people just talked to each other and used a little common sense. That said, Michele Lee had a few funny moments of panic. I’d like to have a surprise birthday party on a cruise ship. That’s the important thing.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.4 “Family Reunion/Voodoo”

Posted on October 4, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone! We have two very strange fantasies this week and a few memorable guest stars!

Episode 1.4 “Family Reunion/Voodoo”

(Directed by George McGowan, originally aired on February 18th, 1978)

Finally! After four weeks of trying to figure out how exactly the island works, I finally watched an episode that explained what Tattoo’s actual job is. Apparently, Tattoo is an accountant. It’s his job to keep track of how much money the island has in its treasury and to order stuff for the resort. It’s also his job to rent things for the fantasies. This episode, he mentions that it’s not cheap to rent a bear. Mr. Roarke gives him a slightly disapproving look but no matter. Tattoo’s correct. Bears are not cheap.

As for the fantasies, they’re both kind of strange in this episode.

The more peaceful of the fantasies involves Tony (Tom Fridley) and Ann (Kathy Kurtzman) and their desire for their parents, Harry (John Gavin) and Evelyne (Juliet Mills), to get back together. The fantasy involves tricking Harry and Evelyne into returning to the summer camp where they first met and having them fall in love all over again. (Yes, it’s The Parent Trap, all over again.) Unfortunately, Harry and Evelyne are accompanied by their new significant others, Stuffy McBorington (David Hedison) and Slutty LaGolddigger (Mary Frann.) Actually, I guess those weren’t really their names but they might as well have been. Fortunately a sudden rain storm and a visit from the expensive bear convinces Harry and Evelyne to dump Stuffy and Slutty and give love another chance. Yay!

Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, Mr. Roarke has recreated a Haitian rubber plantation! Jane Howell (Lauren Tewes, who I’ve also been watching on The Love Boat) is an amnesiac who might be the daughter of the plantation’s owner. She, her adoptive parents (Howard Duff and Marjorie Lord), and her fiancé (Gary Collins) spend the night at the plantation. However, it turns out that they’re not alone. Mr. Roarke has also brought over a voodoo priest (Ernie Hudson!) who is determined to drive Jane mad! It’s a really weird story that ends with not one twist but two. It’s also an effectively creepy story, which makes it all the stranger that it’s paired with a light-hearted Parent Trap homage.

To me, the most interesting thing about this episode is that so many of the guest stars were veterans of the horror (or at least, the supernatural) genre. The Family Reunion storyline features Juliet Mills (Beyond The Door), David Hedison (The Fly), and John Gavin (Psycho). (Interestingly enough, David Hedison played Felix Leiter in two James Bond films while Gavin would have played Bond in Diamonds are Forever if Sean Connery hadn’t agreed to return to the role.) Meanwhile, Voodoo features Lauren Tewes (who appeared in Eyes of a Stranger and Twin Peaks: The Return) and Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters). It’s an interesting mix of actors and it’s fun to see them all wandering around the island at the same time.

I enjoyed this episode. Family Reunion was agreeably silly while Voodoo was creepy and melodramatic. Add to that, Ricardo Montalban seemed to be having a genuinely good time as the mysterious Mr. Roarke. He made the island seem like a fun place to visit, even with the bears and the voodoo hijinks.

Next week, more fantasies! And more smiles!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 1.9 “Stranded” and 1.10 “The Sweat Shack”

Posted on October 3, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’ll always remember, me and my friends at Hang Time!

It’s time to check in and see what’s happening at Deering High!

Episode 1.9 “Stranded”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 4th, 1995)

“Great!” Sam announces halfway through this episode, “we’re all stuck together and we hate each other!”

And yes, it is true. After a terrible loss, Coach Fuller makes the team come in for a Saturday morning practice. Only a few members of the team make it due to the fact that it’s snowing and those who do make it end up getting trapped in the gym by the blizzard! Way to go, Coach!

This actually wasn’t a bad episode. For one thing, memories of the 2021 Texas blizzard are still fresh on my mind so, for once, I could relate to what the characters on the show were going through. I actually have been snowed in, with the power going on-and-off. Fortunately, I wasn’t trapped in a gym. I was in my house, with a book to read.

The majority of the episode was taken up with a group therapy session, in which Fuller tried to get the team to open up about both the loss and their feelings to each other. And while I initially groaned when the scene started, it was actually handled fairly well. We got to hear each character’s inner thoughts and it turned out that most of them were just as tired of Julie being the center of every storyline as the viewers undoubtedly were. Add to that, a new member of the cast made an appearance when one brave boom mic made an appearance, hovering over the group.

While everyone tried to figure out how to survive being stuck in the gym overnight (did none of these high school students have parents trying to dig them out?), Julie and Chris debated whether they could both date and be teammates and Mary Beth, who was in the gym despite not being a member of the basketball team, tried to take care of the fake baby that she had been assigned for a class assignment.

As I said, this was not a bad episode. Chris and Julie were still an amazingly boring couple but, with this episode, it felt as if the cast had finally come together as an ensemble. Still, it’s strange that the episode ended with Michael saving everyone in the high school as opposed to say the parents who were undoubtedly wondering to where their children had disappeared during the worst blizzard in Indiana history. Did the adults in town just not care about their high school basketball team?

Episode 1.10 “The Sweat Shack”

(Directed by Howard Murray, originally aired on November 11th, 1995)

This was a weird episode. Mary Beth’s father demanded that she get a job so, somehow, she ended up as manager of the Sports Shack (which is the store in the mall where most of the characters work). At first, Mary Beth is too lenient of a boss. Then she become too strict of a boss. All of her employee go on a strike but is there really a Sports Shack union? Is the strike even legal? Couldn’t everyone be arrested for disturbing the peace and, even more importantly, why can’t Mary Beth just fire all of them and hire cheap replacements? That would definitely cut down on payroll.

Meanwhile, Coach Fuller is in charge of a new exchange programs where members of the basketball team pair up with girls from Russia and …. wait, WHAT!? Earl gets a Russian who loves hanging out with him. Michael gets a Russian who is overweight so, of course, the audience goes, “Whoa!” “You are fresh prince,” the Russian tells Michael, on account of the fact that Michael appears to be the only black student at Deering High. “Hah hah hah!” the audience responds. Eventually, Michael learns an important lesson about not judging Russian mail order brides by their weight. It’s all more than a little cringey but it is kind of sweet that Earl’s exchange student even follows him around while he’s working his security job at the mall.

Anyway, this one of those episode that kind of felt as if it was just a mix of scenes and storylines that had been cut from other episodes. Perhaps it would have been better if everyone had been trapped at the mall by another blizzard. Seriously, blizzards bring out the best of this show.