Retro Television Review: Hang Time 6.7 “Life 101” and 6.8 “Secrets and Lies”

Posted on August 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Hammer returns!

Episode 6.7 “Life 101”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 4th, 2000)

Hammer returns during this episode but, before we discuss that, let’s get the dumb B-plot out of the way. Coach K, is going out of town so he assigns Antonio to look after his dog, a chihuahua named Killer. (What was the deal with both of the coaches always asking their dumb players to look after their pets, cars, and houses?) Antonio and the boys lose Killer at the mall. However, they then see a little girl named Susie adopting a chihuahua on television. Assuming that the girl has adopted Killer, they bribe the girl with toys to get the dog. When they give the dog to the Coach, he immeidately sees that it’s not Killer because it’s a girl and not a boy.

Uh-oh!

No worries, though. It turns out that the woman who found Killer saw a flyer that the boys put up and she shows up at the gym with Killer. She asks Coach K out on a date. “Woooooo!” the audience shouts. As I wrote earliier, it was all pretty dumb but at least the dog was cute.

Meanwhile, Hammer (Mark Famiglietti) returns to Indiana from North Carolina! Mary Beth is so excited! Hammer explains that he’s not sure he wants to attend Duke. (I thought Hammer was attending Duke but apparently, he was just in some sort of Duke-affiliated prep school or something.) Hammer says that Duke might not have a spot for him on the team so he decides to apply to UCLA with Mary Beth and Kristy.

Mary Beth and Kristy get into UCLA! Yay!

Hammer does not. Boooo!

Hammer pressures Mary Beth to turn down UCLA and go to the University of Indiana with him. Hammer, what happened to you!?

Mary Beth agrees but then Hammer learns that Duke does want him to play basketball so he decides he’s going to go Duke anyway and that Mary Beth should come with him. “You want me to move to North Carolina!?” a shocked Mary Beth says. (Uhmm, it’s better than freaking Indiana.) Mary Beth and Hammer break up and Mary Beth decides to go to UCLA afterall.

I guess it’s good that Mary Beth is finally going to graduate from high school but this episode still bothered me. Bringing back Hammer was cool. Having him come back with a totally different personality from the one he had when he was previously on the show was not cool. That just felt like lazy writing.

Let’s move on.

Episode 6.8 “Secrets and Lies”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 11th, 2000)

It’s championship time again!

Actually, it was championship time last season. Seasons 5 and 6 were filmed at the same time and were originally intended to be a part of one big, final season. NBC decided to not only split the season in two but they also rearranged the order of the episodes, leading to all sorts of continuity confusion. The tournament that we see the Tornadoes playing at the University of Indiana was originally meant to be a part of the championship story arc that was featured in season 5. (That storyline, of course, ended with the previously undefeated Tornadoes losing in an upset and learning about humility.) Instead of airing where it was originally meant to air, this tournament episode somewhat randomly pops up in the middle of season 6.

As for this episode, it’s a mix of the serious and the seriously stupid. The seriously stupid part of the episode finds Eugene and Silk being led astray by two cheerleaders who steal their uniforms, lock them in a locker room, and try to keep them from playing in the big game. It doesn’t work, of course. Silk and Eugene end up tumbling out of an air conditioning duct and landing in the middle of the gym. The important thing is that they get to play and no one asks why they were wandering around a duct while half-naked in the first place.

As for the serious storyline, it features Mary Beth meeting Brett, a handsome guy who is writing a story for his school’s newspaper. He takes Mary Beth and the team out to a bar and, in a backroom, attempts to force himself on Mary Beth. While Mary Beth gets away from him, Brett still threatens to reveal that the team was at a bar if she dares to say anything about what he tried to do. However, when Mary Beth sees Brett talking to another girl and trying to lead her to a backroom, she realizes that she can’t be quiet. Brett gets arrested but not before Coach K threatened to rip him from limb to limb.

This was a good episode, solely due to the Mary Beth storyline, which was well-acted and had a valuable message. When Dick Butkus threatened Brett, you never had any doubt that he meant every word of it. I’ve been a bit critical of Dick Butkus in these reviews but it’s hard to imagine Reggie Theus bringing the same emotional intensity to this episode that Butkus did. One gets the feeling that Theus would have just made Mary Beth feel guilty for not speaking up immediately. Dick Butkus, on the other hand, isn’t going to let anyone get away with hurting his students.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.1 “Hello and Goodbye” and 5.2 “Managing Michael”

Posted on June 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for Season 5 of Hang Time! As usual, the new season starts with several cast departures and additions. (Since Seasons 5 and 6 were both filmed at the same time, this season is the last one to introduce new characters.) Season 5 also sees Miguel Higuera taking over as the show’s regular director, replacing Patrick Maloney.

Episode 5.1 “Hello and Goodbye”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on September 11th, 1999)

It’s time for a new school year and a new basketball season! Julie, who has been a senior for four years now, is still the star of the team. Michael and Silk are also ready for another run at the championship. Rico, however, is gone. Silk mentions something about Rico joining the wrestling team. Fear not, there’s a new player named Eugene (Phillip Glasser) and he basically acts just like Rico and Vince. Who knew there were so many goofy Italian basketball players in rural Indiana?

Hammer has also returned but not for long. It turns out that he’s been offered a scholarship to attend a prep school in North Carolina. Accepting the scholarship means that Hammer will gain automatic acceptance to Duke. However, it also means leaving behind Mary Beth. (Silk also gets upset, saying that the team is starting to “feel like the Spice Girls” because everyone keeps leaving.) Hammer doesn’t want to tell Mary Beth about the scholarship until he knows for sure whether or not he’s going to accept it.

Meanwhile, Kristy is having a long-distance relationship with Antonio (Jay Hernandez) but she’s upset because she hasn’t seen Antonio in six months. (Maybe she could have visited him in December instead of spending Christmas in New York.) Because she’s apparently not required to attend classes or clear anything with her parents, Kristy impulsively decides to fly down to Texas. However, no sooner has Kristy boarded her flight than Antonio shows up in Indiana. Upon learning that Antonio is now in Indiana, Kristy flies back from El Paso. Once they’re both back in Indiana, Antonio tells Kristy that he’s decided to move to Indiana and go to Deering.

“To be with me!?” Kristy says, shocked.

“Well, it’s not for the Mexican food,” Antonio replies.

Do any of these characters have parents? I mean, is Antonio’s family okay with Antonio moving to Indiana?

Well, regardless, it’s good that Antonio’s there because, even though he initially turns down the scholarship to stay with Mary Beth, Hammer eventually does leave for North Carolina. The team sees him off at the airport. (Oddly, no family members are present.) Julie says that she’s sure she will eventually join Hammer at Duke. That made me laugh, as Julie’s been in high school for 6 years. Duke has standards, Julie!

This was actually not a bad start to the fifth season. I was sad to see Hammer go because Mark Famiglietti really did grow into the role towards the end of the fourth season. But Antonio seems like he’ll be a good replacement, mostly because he’s played by Jay Hernandez. He and Kristy make for a cute couple. This episode also deserves some credit for having Mary Beth mention that all of her boyfriends have eventually ended up leaving the school. She even mentioned Chris, from the otherwise forgotten first season. I’m a sucker for a good continuity nod.

Episode 5.2 “Managing Michael”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on September 18th, 1999)

This is a weird episode. Michael, despite having never mentioned anything about it before, is the leader of a rock band. Playing keyboards is Eugene, who is apparently now everyone’s best friend. Mary Beth is hired to manage the band but she discovers that Deering’s biggest (and only) rock promoter is a total sexist who refuses to do business with a woman. In order to prove that she can handle the music business, Mary Beth somehow manages to organize an entire music festival on her own. The Moffats, who were a boy band from Canada, even play the show. How did Mary Beth set all this up? I have no idea. All I know is that Mary Beth announced that she wasn’t going to let anything stop her and then, one montage later, the Moffats were singing her a song. I mean, Mary Beth is the character to whom I relate so I’m always happy when she succeeds but, in this case, it’s not really made clear how she managed to pull it off. In fact, the last six minutes of the episode is devoted just to the Moffats performing.

Meanwhile, the University of Illinois is planning on giving Coach K a distinguished alumni award. However, the team thinks that the college is trying to hire Coach K away from them so they spread a rumor that the Coach is an alcoholic ex-con. That’s a little extreme and dumb. Coach K finds out what they’re doing and makes them run some extra laps. Coach Fuller would have killed them but Coach K laughs it off because he’s still going to get his award regardless of his team’s attempt to ruin his life.

Seriously, this was a weird episode.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.25 “Christmas In New York” and 4.26 “Waiting For Mary Beth”

Posted on June 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The fourth season finally comes to a close! Seriously, things have been moving so slowly for the Tornadoes that I feel like I’ve spent that last several years trapped in this season.

Episode 4.25 “Christmas In New York”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, Originally aired on December 5th, 1998)

The team is in New York City, celebrating Christmas away from home. Kristy, who is not actually on the team, is with them and feeling homesick. Instead of telling her, “Well, go home since you’re not actually on the team,” Silk and Michael promise Kristy that they’re going to have a “real Indiana Christmas” right there in New York.

(So, I guess everyone’s parents are okay with their children celebrating the holidays in New York. Seriously, this whole New York plotline doesn’t make a single bit of sense. If I was the state of Indiana, I would be offended by how eager Hang Time was to find any excuse to get away from me.)

Kristy comes up with the idea of the team celebrating Christmas by doing “Secret Santa.” Everyone thinks that this is a great idea, except for Mary Beth who points out that Secret Santa means that everyone will only get one gift. “Everyone’s stressing about what to get everyone!” Hammer says, as if somehow mandating that everyone can only buy one gift will make it even less stressful to try to find the perfect one. I’m on Mary Beth’s side here. Add to that, Secret Santa comes with a limit on how much can be spent on each person. Each gift has to cost under $10. What the Hell!? Seriously, I’d rather cancel Christmas than accept a gift that cost under $10.

If Kristy is missing her family, Rico is dreading meeting his. As Rico explains it, his grandfather, Sonny, is a former stand-up comedian who always goes out of his way to embarrass Rico. After meeting Rico and the rest of the team, Sonny decides to move into the hotel and stay with them. Sonny explains that Rico doesn’t want his grandson spending his Christmas without his family. And really, Sonny’s right. SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE THEY IN NEW YORK ON CHRISTMAS!?

Anyway, Secret Santa goes awry when Julie and Mary Beth sneak into the boys’s hotel room and discovers that Michael and Hammer bought them cheap scarves. Mary Beth is so offended that she declares that they’re going to have to buy really cheap gifts for the boys.

“How do I do that?” Mary Beth asks Julie.

“Are you saying I’m cheap!?” Julie yells.

Oh, Julie, everyone knows you’re cheap.

Of course, what they don’t know is that, while Julie and Mary Beth are sneaking around the hotel room, Michael and Hammer are buying expensive gifts at Tiffany’s.

Meanwhile, Rico lies to his grandfather to keep him from coming to the Christmas Party. This leads to Coach K. suddenly declaring himself to be the Ghost of Christmas Future and showing Rico that his future is going to feature his grandchildren abandoning him for the holidays. Rico learns the true meaning of Christmas and he spends the holiday with his grandfather after all. The rest of the team spends the holidays without their families but no one cares because they’re all a bunch of heathens, I guess. I don’t know. As I said before, this whole New York thing is way too weird.

This was dumb. Let’s move on.

Episode 4.26 “Waiting For Mary Beth”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, Originally aired on December 5th, 1998)

After a long season that featured a new coach, three new players, and trips to Texas and New York, the fourth season of Hang Time comes to a close with …. a clip show.

The Tornadoes are celebrating New Years Eve in New York City because why would they want to spend any of their holidays with their friends and family back in Indiana. The entire team is gathered at a fancy restaurant overlooking Times Square. But where’s Mary Beth!? Mary Beth, it turns out, is refusing to leave her room because her appointment with a world famous hair stylist did not go well. Luckily, everyone has a memory to share that provides Mary Beth with the courage to celebrate the New Year.

Eh. It’s a clip show. Clip shows are the worst of the worst.

Next week, Season 5 begins!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.23 “Breaks of the Game” and 4.24 “Window of Opportunity”

Posted on May 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last week, the team was heading to the championship and then suddenly, they were taking a trip to New York. Let’s see if this week makes any more sense!

Episode 4.23 “Breaks of the Game”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

Remember how the team was in New York during the previous episode?

Well, now, they’re back in Indiana! And they’ve advanced in the championship tournament, making it to the finals! The only problem is that their best player has tested positive for steroids. When Hammer is told that he’s the only member of the team to have tested positive, he swears that it’s a mistake. He gets retested and fails a second time. Hammer swears that he is steroid free. Michael believes him. Silk and Rico think he’s lying and are angry at him for ruining the season. Julie doesn’t really care, she just wants to figure out how to win without Hammer.

Well, the team doesn’t win without Hammer. They come close, especially after they realize that the only reason Hammer tested positive was because of his allergy medication. But, for the first time in a few seasons, they miss that all-important final shot and, for once, it’s the other team that wins by one point.

Coach K tells them not to be too hard on themselves. He says that the true test of maturity is how you handle disappointment and bad breaks. It’s not a bad message, even though we all know Coach Fuller would have found a way to win that game.

Meanwhile, Kristy meets a painter who tells her that he’s obsessed with her red hair. (The same thing has happened to me more than once.) She poses for him but is shocked to discover that, even though she was dressed while posing, he still painted her naked. Julie, Mary Beth, and Kristy sneak into the art show and destroy the painting. Somehow, they don’t get arrested. Personally, I can’t laugh at people destroying paintings. Sadly, that’s pretty much the direction that our society is heading in.

Let’s give this episode credit for dealing with defeat. But seriously — don’t pose unless you’re willing to accept that the artist’s vision might be different from yours.

Episode 4.24 “Window of Opportunity”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

The team is in New York City and getting ready to celebrate Christmas! Wouldn’t they rather celebrate in Indiana with their families? And why are Kristy and Mary Beth there when they’re not actually members of the basketball team? I mean, the team won the trip.

Anyway, Mary Beth finds time, during her vacation, to work as an intern at a department store. She impresses the store owner by giving the teen department a makeover and, when her manager tries to steal the credit for her ideas, Mary Beth learns an important lesson about standing up for herself. An even better lesson to learn would be that vacations are not meant for work.

Speaking of work, Coach K is hired to work as a department stare Santa. He forced Michael, Rico, Hammer, and Silk to be his elves because why should any of them actually get to relax on their vacation? Coach K and the Elves are briefly mistaken for being a group of thieves and they end up in jail. But then they’re released because the real thieves were caught. Seriously, that’s the whole storyline.

Ugh. If I had wanted to watch an episode of City Guys, that’s what I would have done.

Next week, season 4 concludes!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.21 “Phenom Blues” and 4.22 “New York Nick”

Posted on May 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Play-offs, baby!

Episode 4.21 “Phenom Blues”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 22nd, 1998)

It’s play-off time and, once again, the Tornadoes are at Indiana State University. Unfortunately, the Tornadoes are having a crisis of confidence because their first game is going to be against a team that has the best player in Indiana. Despite Julie calling them all a bunch of losers for being afraid and the Coach giving them a lot of game tape to watch, the boys are convinced that they’re going to lose and get sent home.

“This is our last night in Bloomington,” Hammer says at one point, “We should at least have some fun!”

Seriously, how can you not have fun in Bloomington?

Michael, Silk, Rico, and Hammer all go to a cow-themed amusement park. Unfortunately, due to a malfunctioning hanging gondola, they nearly plunge to their deaths. A helicopter shows up at the last minute and drops a ladder down to them. Yay, I guess. I don’t know, this was actually kind of dumb and it annoyed me that we only saw the ladder and never the helicopter. I mean, if you’re going to fake an amusement park disaster, spend some money and get a real helicopter!

Julie, meanwhile, spends the night watching game tape and talking to herself about how the other team is good but can be defeated. Even when she’s talking to herself, Julie is condescending.

Finally, Kristy and Coach K. play in a pool tournament. Kristy is playing because she wants to win a bike so that the team can give it to Coach K as a thank you present. Coach K wants to win the bike because his old bike got stolen. Sounds like a win-win, to be honest. Fortunately, Coach K has to forfeit the game so he can help rescue the players at the amusement park. Kristy wins and gives Coach K. the bike that he would have won anyways. Wow, that was suspenseful.

Anyway, having survived a near-death experience, the team is able to win their playoff game. Yay!

This was pretty dumb but it did have one funny scene where, while flipping channels on the TV, Julie comes across an old episode of Saved By The Bell and dismisses it by saying, “I’ve seen all of these 50 times already.” That’s my type of humor right there.

Well, I guess that, in the next episode, we’ll find out if the Tornadoes won that championship or not….

Episode 4.22 “New York Nick”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 22nd, 1998)

The Tornadoes are going to New York!

Wait a minute, what? Aren’t they supposed to be playing for the state championship? It is true that they won a trip to New York when they were in San Antonio but why are they going now? It doesn’t make — eh, forget it. I’m doing trying to justify this show’s messy timeline. Life’s too short and I’m getting a headache.

In New York, Mary Beth and Kristy can’t wait to go shopping at Bloomingdale’s! Julie can’t wait to talk down to everyone! Michael, Silk, and Rico can’t wait to go to a Pacers/Knicks game! And Hammer can’t wait to see his ex-girlfriend, a supermodel named Cindy! He asks Mary Beth for permission and Mary Beth is like, “Sure!” But she doesn’t really mean it. She’s jealous and annoyed and I would have been as well. To be honest, she should have just dumped Hammer right there. I mean, Julie will dump a guy just for having uneven sideburns. Why is Mary Beth always trapped in these go-nowhere relationships?

While eating lunch with Cindy, Hammer is approached by the editor of Teen Life, who wants to put Cindy and Hammer on the cover of their Coolest Couple Issue! Mary Beth says that she doesn’t have a problem with it but when Cindy and Hammer are invited to an industry party, it’s time for Mary Beth, Kristy, and Julie to put on some silly wigs and crash the party! In a fit of jealousy, Mary Beth destroys a cake and loses Hammer the job. So, now …. oh God, this headache is intensifying …. Mary Beth has to find a way to sneak into the editor’s hotel room and talk her into rehiring Hammer. In fact, Mary Beth is so persistent that the editor decides to put Mary Beth on the cover instead of Cindy. File this under things that would never happen in real life.

Meanwhile, at the Knicks/Pacers game, Michael, Rico, and Silk get into a food fight with a Knicks fan who later turns out to be a friend of the coach and …. oh, who cares? The only thing memorable about the game scene is that it was pretty much recreated word-for-word in a later episode of City Guys.

Who won the championship!? Maybe we’ll find out next week.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.19 “Rocky Road To The Playoffs” and 4.20 “Kristy Nightingale”

Posted on May 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The championship is approaching, yet again! Hang time!

Episode 4.19 “Rocky Road To The Playoffs”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 14th, 1998)

It’s that time of year again! The team just has to win one more game to make it to the playoffs. Unfortunately, because Michael has been distracted, it’s starting to look like it might not happen. It turns out that Michael has gotten a really bad report card, one that has more C’s than B’s. His father has said that Michael can only play basketball as long as he keeps his grades up. Technically, C’s are passing so I’m not really sure what the problem is but whatever.

After Michael has a shouting match with his father, Coach K says that, while he sympathizes with Michael, he can’t let him play in the big game because Michael has got too much on his mind. As a result, the Tornadoes finish the first half of the game with the score tied! Fortunately, Michael’s father shows up during halftime and has a conversation with his son. Michael agrees to go to summer school and his father says that Michael can keep playing. Michael enters the game during the second half and — yay! The Tornadoes win!

Actually, that’s not a surprise. The Tornadoes haven’t lost an important game since the second season.

While this is going on, Mary Beth and Kristy play a game of one-and-one basketball in order to win a car. It wasn’t a terrible B-plot. Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto were always at their best when they got to do something ridiculous together.

This wasn’t a bad episode. I don’t think there was ever any doubt that the Tornadoes would win that game but the episode finally gave Adam Frost something to do and Frost proved himself to be a better actor than one might have previously expected. All in all, this was a good episode. Even Julie was a little less self-centered than usual. Way to go, Hang Time!

Episode 4.20 “Kristy Nightingale”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 14th, 1998)

Meanwhile, back at the camp….

KRISTY NEARLY KILLS RICO!

Well, seriously, can you blame her? I mean, what do we know about Rico? First, he got addicted to marijuana. (Seriously, do you have any idea how much weed you have to smoke to get addicted to a non-addictive drug?) Secondly, he freaked out because he was dating a tall girl. Finally, at camp, Rico got stung by a bee. Kristy, who is apparently now working as the camp’s nurse, removes the stinger but she doesn’t realize that you’re supposed to keep an eye on someone after they get stung by a bee. Instead, she sends Rico back to his cabin, where Rico nearly dies as a result of an allergic reaction! Luckily, there’s a real doctor at the camp and she gives Rico a shot that saves his life.

Kristy feels terrible. Everyone tells her that she’s being too hard on herself, despite the fact that Kristy did nearly kill someone. Kristy worries that she might not be cut out to be a doctor and, again, that would seem like a fair assessment considering that she nearly killed someone. Still, all the members of the team start faking injuries so that Kristy can fix them. Awww, that’s nice of them! Unfortunately, Kristy overhears everyone talking about how they faked all of their injuries and she loses her confidence again. Fortunately, Michael makes himself useful by breaking his arm for real and Kristy gets to help him and regain her confidence.

WAY TO GO, MICHAEL!

While all of this is going on, the counselors engage in a prank war and remind me of why I’m glad to have never gone to any sort of camp.

As far as the basketball camp episodes are concerned, this was an okay one. But Hang Time is a show that is at it’s best when it focuses on high school. Hopefully, this is the last of this season’s camp episodes.

We’ll find out next week!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.17 “Sharing The Spotlight” and 4.18 “New Girl In Town”

Posted on May 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hang Time! This week, YouTube once again tries to keep me from watching every episode of Hang Time.

Episode 4.17 “Sharing the Spotlight”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 7th, 1998)

Julie is told that unless she does better in her Math class and passes her upcoming exam, she might not be eligible to play basketball. OH NO! I hope everything worked out….

Unfortunately, this is one of the two episodes of Hang Time that are not available on YouTube. So, I have no idea if Julie learned a lesson about the importance of balancing academics with her extra-curriculars but I’m going to guess that she probably did.

Let’s move on to an episode that actually is on YouTube….

Episode 4.18 “New Girl In Town”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 7th, 1998)

Meanwhile, at the basketball camp….

Like I’ve said before, it’s not surprising that NBC showed these episodes out of order because, in the 90s, there were no continuity nerds around to call them out online. Still, it’s hard not to get a little annoyed at how little NBC apparently cared about whether or not it was possible to follow the storyline from one episode to another. Even though I can’t watch the previous episode, I can read the imdb plot description and know that it featured Julie in school. Now, suddenly, Julie is a counselor at a summer camp. Admittedly, I tend to be a bit over organized but messiness like this just drives me crazy.

Anyway, at camp, Mary Beth and Kristy get their hands tangled in a basketball net. Julie watches them and refuses to help because she’s having too much fun reminding everyone that she’s not a “bonehead.” Finally, Julie decides to help but soon, she gets tangled in the net as well. “Now I’m a bonehead!” Julie declares.

“Awww geez,” Coach K. says as he walks up with Eve (Alexana Lambros), a new girl at the camp. I haven’t mentioned it before because it was too stupid but “Awww geez” is Coach K’s catch phrase.

Eve is really excited to meet Julie but then again, everyone on this show is always excited to meet Julie. Eve says that Julie inspired her to play basketball but everyone always says that to Julie. Personally, I’m more interested in the fact that this new girl is named Eve. We’ve all seen All About Eve, haven’t we?

And, indeed, it does turn out that Eve will do anything to look good on the court and to show up Julie. Apparently, college scouts are coming to the camp and, since Eve is from a small high school, this might be her only opportunity to impress them. It’ll be difficult to do that with Julie hogging the spotlight. Now, if I was Eve, I would just point out to the scouts that Julie has been in high school for five years. Instead, Eve tries to sabotage Julie by 1) flirting with Julie’s ex-boyfriend, 2) cutting Julie’s shoe laces, 3) spilling bleach on Julie’s clothes, and 4) locking Julie in a storage shed.

GO, EVE!

Okay, admittedly, Eve isn’t going about things the right way but, after four seasons of Julie always being right and perfect, it’s kind of hard not to appreciate Eve as a force of chaos. Eve seems to be having so much fun being bad that it reminds us of just how boring a character Julie really could be. The audience applauds when Eve gets her inevitable comeuppance but I have a feeling that a lot of them were secretly on her side.

Anyway, it all works out. Coach K sends Eve home. The University of Connecticut says that they’ll probably still offer Julie a scholarship. Of course, Julie would have to actually graduate high school first and that’s not going to happen for a while. Hopefully, someone still offered Eve a scholarship. Sportsmanship is overrated.

Next week: the team once again prepares for the play-offs!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.15 “The Tall And The Short Of It” and 4.16 “Just Friends”

Posted on May 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today, YouTube makes watching Hang Time difficult!

Episode 4.15 “The Tall and the Short Of It”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 31st, 1998)

Rico has finally got a girlfriend! She loves video games and basketball almost as much as he does! The problem, as far as Rico is concerned, is that Rico is short and Gail (Bree Turner) is tall. Rico is worried that the team will make fun of him because of the height difference and, from what we’ve seen of the team, he’s probably right. Then again, Rico was addicted to marijuana just a few weeks ago so maybe he’s still having episodes of paranoia.

When the team starts to suggest that Rico is lying about having a girlfriend, Rico decides that the best possible solution would be pay his cousin, Lisa (Constance Zimmer, who later starred on Unreal), ten dollars to pretend to be his girlfriend. Knowing Rico, that’s probably not the first time he’s paid a cousin to make out with him. Needless to say Gail sees Rico with Lisa (who, at least, has a good name) and she breaks up with him. But then Rico apologizes and dances with her at the school’s 70s party so I guess everything’s resolved.

Honestly, who cares? It’s Rico. Rico makes Vince seem like an interesting character.

While this was going on, Mary Beth searched for Hammer’s lucky jacket, which she lost after he gave it to her for safekeeping. Don’t worry. She found it.

Episode 4.16 “Just Friends”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 31st, 1998)

In this episode….

OH MY GOD! IT’S NOT ON YOUTUBE!

Yep, it’s sad but it’s true. As far as I can tell there are only two episodes of Hang Time that can’t be found online and this is one of them. Obviously, I can’t review this episode but I can tell you what apparently happened.

According to the imdb, this episode found the team working, once again, as counselors at a basketball camp. You may remember that Coach Fuller bought the camp last season. Fuller’s gone but apparently, the camp is still a thing and now Coach K. is in charge of it. Did Coach K. buy the camp or did Fuller ask him to keep an eye on it? I can’t tell you because I can’t watch the episode but, from my knowledge of Hang Time, I have a feeling this question was probably never even addressed.

Anyway, it appears that this episode featured Julie kissing some other guy and realizing that she and Michael were better as just friends. Poor Michael! What’s funny is that, at this point, I’m so used to Julie cheating on her boyfriends and then making them feel as if it’s their fault that I feel as if I’ve seen this show without having seen it.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.13 “Nothing In Common” and 4.14 “And Then There Were Nuns”

Posted on April 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hang Time! This week, we learn about geography.

Episode 4.13 “Nothing in Common”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 24th, 1998)

We’re back in Indiana! I guess the San Antonio trip is over. Yay.

Michael, Silk, and Rico panic when they see Coach K. walking around their favorite after-school hangout, The Stadium. It turns out that Coach K. wants to buy the place and make it more friendly to older customers. Michael, Silk, and Rico totally freak out and I don’t blame them. No one wants to see their teachers outside of school. Anyway, they come up with the brilliant idea of having Rico’s uncle pretend to be a health inspector so that he can scare off Coach K. It doesn’t work because Rico’s uncle asks how Rico is doing on the team but Coach K. still decides not to buy the Stadium because this is a silly show where plot developments are brought and abandoned at random.

Meanwhile, Mary Beth is upset when Hammer resists her attempts to change him. Mary Beth wants to go to an art exhibit. Hammer wants to go to a boxing match. (Personally, I’m probably an even bigger culture snob than Mary Beth and I would be happy to go to either of those. I love museums but a boxing match is a good excuse to wear something nice and show off your cleavage.) Mary Beth wants Hammer to go sailing. Hammer wants to spend his time at a biker rally. Realizing that she’s trying too hard to change Hammer, Mary Beth dresses up in leather and hangs out at a biker bar. She teaches the bikers all about the proper utensils to use at a formal dinner. It was actually pretty cute and, in the end, Hammer and Mary Beth agreed that they didn’t have to like the same things as long as they liked each other. Awwwwwww!

I liked this episode. Season 4 may not be as strong as the previous three seasons but the Hammer/Mary Beth relationship works surprisingly well. As far as I’m concerned, any episode that features more of Mary Beth and Kristy being wacky and less of Julie getting annoyed is a good one.

Episode 4.14 “And Then There Were Nuns”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 24th, 1998)

Oh hey, we’re back in San Antonio. Continuity be damned!

With only a few days left in Texas, Kristy suspects that she’s in love with Antonio. She tells Mary Beth and Julie that she can imagine a future with Antonio. Awwwwww! Antonio invites Kristy to a wedding …. in Mexico! Kristy agrees. Before leaving, she leaves a note for Julie and Mary Beth. Unfortunately, it’s a poorly-written note and Julie and Mary Beth are convinced that Kristy’s run off to Mexico to get married!

Because everyone on this show is stupid, they don’t tell Coach K or any other adults about what is happening. Instead, everyone except for Julie and Michael head down to Mexico and try to stop the wedding. I guess it’s lucky that they all happened to have their passports with them. (Either that or they crossed into Mexico illegally.) Of course, since they won the big Tri-state tournament. they have to get back to San Antonio by 4 p.m. so that they can get ready to do a media appearance. Michael and Julie are convinced that their friends can go to Mexico and come back while the Coach is taking an hour-long nap. Apparently, the show’s writers were under the impression that San Antonio is right on the border. It’s not. San Antonio is 155 miles away from the border and it appears that the wedding is taking place in a fairly small and remote village. In short, this trip is going to take a lot longer than an hour.

Admittedly, King of the Hill used to do the same thing. Hank Hill was literally an hour away from every location in Texas. But, in that case, it was obviously meant to be intentional and it was a fun in-joke for Texans. (It helped that Mike Judge was one of us.) But, in this case, it just feels incredibly dumb on the part of the Hang Time writers.

Anyway, Silk, Rico, Hammer, and Mary Beth arrive at the wedding but a nun tells them that this is a private ceremony. So, of course, they all dress up like nuns and sneak into the ceremony and….

….

Sorry, silently screaming.

The important thing is that it all works out in the end. Coach K. finds out where the team has gone so he, Michael, and Julie show up for the wedding. Meanwhile, Antonio promises Kristy that, someday, he will find her in Indiana. Awwwww! I’m going to guess that the media appearances were handled by the team’s non-starters, who probably talked about how much fun it was to spend every game sitting on the bench while Michael, Julie, Rico, Silk, and Hammer got all the glory.

What a stupid episode.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 4.11 “Restless Mary Beth” and 4.12 “Shoot Out”

Posted on April 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When last we checked in with Hang Time, the Tornadoes were in San Antonio and the show was doing an absolutely terrible job of portraying Texas. Wow, I hope that’s over with! Let’s find out.

Episode 4.11 “Restless Mary Beth”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 17th, 1998)

Hey, we’re back in Indiana! I guess that stupid and insulting Texas storyline is over with. Yay!

Freaking out because she’s worried that she doesn’t have enough extra-curricular activities to get into the college of her choice, Mary Beth starts taking on every activity that she can. She joins the band. She rejoins the cheerleaders. She joins the Speech and Debate club. When she finds out that a special election is being held to select a new student council president, she decides to run. Julie, Hammer, and Kristy warn her that she’s taking on too much but Mary Beth laughs them off. One scene later and Mary Beth is having a nervous breakdown and sobbing in the locker room because she’s working herself to exhaustion.

No worries! Mary Beth ends up falling asleep and she has a dream where she’s competing against Kristy in a shopping spree. Mary Beth has more stuff in her cart but Kristy still wins because, as Hammer explains, Mary Beth didn’t make it to graduation because she tried to take on too much. So, I guess the implication is that Mary Beth is going to die if she takes on too many extra-curriculars? Wow, that’s dark!

That said, I could relate to this episode. I tend to take on too much as well. Despite a rather stupid B-plot about the team losing the Coach’s championship ring while lounging in the new hot tub, this was a pretty good episode and it made a good point about taking time to rest. Plus, it returned the action to Indiana, where it belongs.

Episode 4.12 “Shoot Out”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on October 17th, 1998)

The Tornadoes are in San Antonio for the Tri-state Tournament….

WAIT A MINUTE, THEY’RE BACK IN TEXAS!? They were just in Indiana, how are they back in Texas!?

The obvious answer is that NBC showed these episodes out-of-order. NBC tended to do that to all of their Sunday morning shows so it shouldn’t come as a shock that they would do it to Hang Time. Still, it always surprises me how blatant NBC was in its utter disregard for the three or four people who were actually paying attention to continuity back in the 90s.

Anyway, the team is back in San Antonio and, as always, they are just one game away from winning not only the tournament but also a trip to New York. Coach K is excited to learn that their next game will be against a team coached by his protegee, Rick. However, when the Coach discovers that 1) Rick is now in a wheelchair and 2) Rick might get an NBA job but only if his team wins, Coach K finds himself feeling a bit conflicted. The Tornadoes interpret this as Coach wanting them to throw the game! Fortunately, after a terrible first half, Coach K tells them that he doesn’t want them to throw the game and that deliberately losing is an insult to the other team. Just as with every other game they’ve ever played, the Tornadoes come back in the second half and win by one point. They win a trip to New York and Rick gets his NBA position regardless. Does the NBA regularly hire high school coaches?

While this is going on, Antonio (Jay Hernandez) begs Kristy to forgive him for not telling her that he could speak English. He eventually wins Kristy over, mostly because he’s totally adorable and, since this show was filmed in the 90s, no one mentions how messed up it was that Kristy automatically assumed that Antonio and his friends couldn’t speak English to begin with.

Ugh. This episode did a slightly better job of presenting Texas than the previous San Antonio episode did but there were still way too many people walking around wearing cowboy hats. Not everyone in Texas is a cowboy.

Anyway, I guess the team is going to New York now! If they can make it there, they can make it anywhere …. well, you know the rest.