Marilyn Michaels | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week’s episode is saved by the one and only Herve Villechaize.

Episode 3.4 “Baby/Marathon”

(Dir by George McCowan, originally aired on October 5th, 1979)

Fantasy Island is going to be hosting a marathon competition so Tattoo decides to greet Mr. Roarke while carrying a replica of the Olympic Torch.

Tattoo proceeds to light a huge flame in a cauldron. A group of Islanders start trying to splash water on the fire, leading to Tattoo yelling at them to leave the flame alone. Mr. Roarke, who appears to be even more disgusted than usual with Tattoo’s antics, barks at his assistant to put on his tuxedo and head down to the docks so that they can greet their guests.

Bunny Kelly (Barbi Benton), Gretchen Wasserman (Arlene Golanka), and Olaf Olafsen (Peter Isacksen) have all come to the Island so that Olaf can compete in the marathon and hopefully win enough money to keep their barbell factory open. (Don’t blame me, I didn’t write this script.) When Olaf is injured while trying to lift some weights, Bunny enters the marathon in his place! (At first, Bunny tries to disguise herself as Olaf but, when that doesn’t work, Mr. Roarke declares that Bunny can compete as herself.)

Can Bunny defeat the men who have shown up to run the marathon? Well, it won’t be easy. Bruno Glass (Bruce M. Fischer) is so evil that he often stops in the middle of the race so that he can laugh at everyone else’s misfortune. Helping out Bruno is his trainer, Dr. R.M. Funk (Dick Martin). Using techniques that would be more appropriate for a cartoon, Bruno sabotages the other racers. Somehow, Bruno is able to do this despite the fact that the entire race is being televised live to the world. Fear not! With the help of friendly competitor Eugene (Paul Petersen), Kitty makes it to the finish line. When both Kitty and Eugene sprain an ankle towards the finish line, they carry each other to a tied victory! The factory is saved and everyone falls in love!

As you have probably already guessed, the whole marathon was pretty stupid. There really didn’t seem to be any sort of set rules as to how the marathon would be run. Olaf and Gretchen grabbed a car and drove alongside Kitty for most of the race. Meanwhile, Dr. Funk was somehow able to commit numerous acts of open sabotage without anyone noticing. Because Dr. Funk and Bruno were so cartoonish, it made it difficult to take seriously the possibility that they might win. There was no suspense whatsoever, which made for a pretty boring fantasy.

I preferred the episode’s other story, in which Tattoo was placed in charge of finding a family to adopt an orphaned baby. At first, Tattoo wanted to adopt the baby himself but eventually, he realized that the child would be better off with Thomas (Joshua Gallegos) and Mary (BarBara Luna), two Islanders who already had a large family and who had more experience taking care of babies. There was nothing surprising about the story but seriously, Herve Villechaize’s portrayal of Tattoo’s dilemma was surprisingly touching. While Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island, he also used his fame to speak out in support of abused and neglected children and he really seemed to be put his heart into this episode of Fantasy Island. When Tattoo said that he wanted to make sure the baby had the best and most loving home possible, one got the feeling that he was speaking for Villechaize as well.

So, this was yet another mixed episode of Fantasy Island. Ultimately, it was saved by the sincerity of Herve Villechaize.

This week, season 2 comes to a close as we take another trip to the other side of the island!

Episode 2.25 “Amusement Park/Rock Stars”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 13th, 1979)

Oh crap, it’s another Fantasy Island Sunday Special!

Apparently, in 1979, Aaron Spelling wanted to do a Fantasy Island spin-off for children, one that would have aired on Sunday nights. The spin-off would have taken place on “the other side of the Island,” which was apparently designed to be very family-friendly. The previous Sunday Special featured Kimberly Beck as Mr. Roarke’s assistant on the other side of the island. In the second Sunday Special, Kimberly Beck is nowhere to be seen and the hosting duties are handled by Roarke and Tattoo.

As usual, Tattoo starts the episode by revealing his latest scheme. He’s read a book on Sherlock Holmes and has decided that he wants to be a master of disguise. He begins the show by disguising himself as Sherlock Holmes.

Later, he sneaks into Mr. Roarke’s office while disguised as a one-eyed, hook-handed pirate.

By the end of the episode, Tattoo has been reduced to dressing up like a chicken.

Mr. Roarke sees through all the disguises and, as usual, he comes across as being more annoyed than amused by his assistant. It’s often been said that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize could not stand working together on Fantasy Island and, having spent nearly a year watching this show, I can say that it’s pretty obvious that was the case. Even while trading jokes, there’s an undercurrent of hostility to all of their interactions.

But what about the fantasies? Well, they’re a bit childish but let’s get to them. As with the previous Sunday Special, the children arrive via hot air balloon. No, Tattoo does not yell, “The balloon! The balloon!” In fact, the whole thing with the balloon seems to be silly and incredibly impractical. I mean, where is the balloon taking off from?

Departing from the balloon are the Collins Family. Robbie (Scott Baio), Willie (Jimmy Baio), Scooter (Keith Coogan), and Jodie (Jill Whelan) have come to the Island because Robbie has a fantasy about all of them becoming rock stars. Upon arrival, Mr. Roarke tells them that he has already taken the demo that they sent him and turned it into an album. They’re a big hit in the UK and on Fantasy Island. But can they impress the American record executive that Mr. Roarke has invited to hear them?

It’s going to be difficult because, as Robbie discovers, the album features a remastered version of their demo, one that makes them sound like better musicians than they actually are. Robbie panics. “How are we going to sound like that?” Mr. Roarke tells them to figure it out. Robbie’s solution is to just lip-sync to the album.

Now, to be honest, this seems like not only a practical solution but it’s also what a lot of bands do in real life. But Mr. Roarke is scandalized to discover that the kids paid Tattoo ten dollars to play the album back stage while they pretended to perform. Robbie’s conscience gets the better of him and he confesses his crime to the record exec. The record exec doesn’t care. He hires the kids on a songwriters, because who wouldn’t want a bunch of pre-teen songwriters on the payroll?

However, the Collins Family has another problem. It turns out that they’re runaways! After their parents were lost at sea, the Collins kids were sent to four different orphanages. The kids escaped to Fantasy Island but now, Mrs. Ridges (Joanna Barnes) has come to the Island and is planning on taking the kids back. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke explains that he is the ruler of Fantasy Island and that the law doesn’t apply in his domain. Even more fortunately, a telegram suddenly arrives, informing the kids that their parents did not drown but instead washed up on an isolated beach in Mexico. Their parents have been rescued and the kids are no longer wards of the state! Yay!

(That’s some incredible Dues ex Machina there, no?)

While this is going on, Darius (Jarrod Johnson) wants to run the Fantasy Island Amusement Park.

Wait …. Fantasy Island has an amusement park?

Yep, and it’s kind of a dump. Seriously, the park looks like it reeks of spilled beer, stale weed, and lost dreams. It’s a true nightmare alley.

Darius’s main reason for wanting to run the park is so he can give his dad, motorcycle stunt driver The Great Scott (Ted Lange), a job. The Great Scott is hired to jump over the Fantasy Island lagoon but, when he sees Darius nearly fall off the Ferris wheel, he realizes that it’s more important to be there for his son than to risk his life. (That said, The Great Scott does risk his life by climbing up the Ferris wheel to save Darius.) Mr. Roarke then offers The Great Scott a new job, as the manager of the amusement park. Of course, I watched this whole fantasy thinking to myself that The Great Scott already had a great job, working as a bartender on the Love Boat.

That said, let’s give some credit to Ted Lange, who actually gives a pretty emotional and kind of touching performance as The Great Scott. Lange may be best known for playing Isaac but he’s also a graduate of London’s Royal Academy and I’ve heard that he was a wonderful Othello on stage. My point is that, even if he is best known for the way he would point at people while serving drinks, Ted Lange can act and this episode certainly proves that.

Overall, this episode was clearly meant to appeal to kids and, as a result, it felt a bit childish. This was not only the last episode of season 2 but it was also the last of the Sunday Specials and that’s probably a good thing.

Next week, we start season 3!