Tag Archives: movie

Let’s Talk About Trailer Park Shark (dir by Griff Furst)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh hell yeah!

Listen, if you ever find yourself being unexpectedly menaced by a shark, you’re going to want a redneck around.  Trust me on this.  I may not be one myself but I’ve grown up around rednecks and I feel a lot safer around them than I do with sensitive types from up north.  Seriously, if you’re under shark attack, who do you want protecting you?  A guy with a gun and a cooler full of beer or someone who drives a Prius?  Elon Musk may be smarter but, when it comes to sharks, Trace Adkins is going to be more helpful.

The other great thing about rednecks is that there’s nothing that they can’t do with duct tape.  Give a redneck enough duct tape and a weather satellite and I guarantee that he’ll find a way to stop climate change.  There’s a name for that: redneck ingenuity.

When I was watching Trailer Park Shark on Wednesday night, I was impressed with the amount of duct tape on display.  As the main character, a redneck played by Thomas Ian Nicholas, was using duct tape to solve yet another problem, I tweeted that I was enjoying the music playing in the background.  To me, it sounded like something that Ennio Morricone would have come up with for a spaghetti western.  It fit the scene perfectly because Trailer Park Shark is a film that make duct tape feel just as epic as the final cemetery confrontation in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.  Andrew Morgan Smith, who did excellent work on the film’s score, informed me that the musical cue was called “Redneck Ingenuity.”

That’s a perfect name because, while Trailer Park Shark is about a lot of things, it is ultimately a celebration of redneck ingenuity and the never-give-up attitude of  life in the Southern bayou.  The characters in Trailer Park Shark have a lot to deal with.  Because of a freak rains storm and some evil plotting by mean old Mr. Deconnard (Dennis Haskins), their trailer park has been flooded.  And with the flood has come a shark!  It would be easy to give up, especially when people and horses start getting eaten.  But no one surrenders to fate!  No one gives up!

It’s a lot of fun, as any movie about a shark attacking a trailer park should be.  All of the characters in the park are memorable in their redneck way.  Even with the majority of the park underwater and neighbors getting eaten left and right, they’re still just as likely to be fighting each other as they are the shark.  While I personally have never lived in a trailer park, I’ve lived close to a few and I’ve spent a few nights visiting and this film gets the atmosphere just right.  Griff Furst, who is something of a specialist when it comes to bayou chaos, brings this location to life.  From the very first tracking shot to the film’s action-packed finale, the bayou feels alive.  You can easily imagine this location and these people existing long before the cameras started rolling.  The relationships feel real.

Speaking of feeling real, I always suspected that Dennis Haskins had the ability to play a really evil character.  Seriously, go watch the earliest episodes of Saved By The Bell and you’ll see some hints of darkness underneath Mr. Belding’s goofy exterior.  That said, Haskins does such a good job playing this film’s villain that you eventually forget that you’re watching Mr. Belding threatening to kill people.  Instead, he’s just a very bad man with an interesting preference in weapons.

(Speaking of weapons, Tara Reid also shows up, playing a trailer park resident who has a wide variety of weapons at her disposal.  Though her role is small, her appearance allows for some playful poking at the Sharknado franchise.)

I liked Trailer Park Shark.  It’s a blast of pure entertainment and my favorite of the recent SyFy shark movies.  Since SyFy reruns everything a hundred times, keep an eye out for it!

Watch it in honor of the rednecks who keep us safe from sharks, often at the cost of life, limb, and satellite dish.

Let’s Talk About Mississippi River Sharks (dir by Misty Talley)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh my God — sharks in the Mississippi River!?

Hey, why not?  Listen, SyFy has been showing shark films for over four years straight now.  We’ve had zombie sharks.  We’ve had toxic sharks.  We had a ghost shark.  We’ve had a planet of the sharks.  The sharks have taken over the oceans.  They’ve taken over the jersey shore.  There’s even a movie called Sand Sharks, in which the sharks take over the beach!  And, let’s not forget that SyFy and the Asylum have built an entire franchise around the idea that sharks can survive in a tornado.  (And I haven’t even mentioned what happens in Shark Exorcist.)

My point is that there are a lot of shark movies and, as a result, the sharks are having to branch out and explore new aquatic territory.  It was inevitable that the sharks would eventually find their way to the Mississippi River.

As soon as I saw the title of this movie, I thought to myself, “Please tell me that this movie will open with a big old riverboat getting attacked by sharks.”  You can imagine how happy I was when, less than five minutes into the film, that’s exactly what happened.  When you’re watching a movie on SyFy and you see a bunch of CGI sharks jumping onto the deck of a riverboat and snapping off people’s heads, you know you’re in a good hands.  You know you’re going to be properly entertained for the next two hours.

Really, when it comes to shark movies, all you really need are the sharks and some victims who, for whatever reason, refuse to stay out of the water.  However, Mississippi River Sharks offers a  bit more than that.  After the sharks get finished with that riverboat, they move on down the Mississippi and attack a small town’s annual “fish rodeo.”  Needless to say, a fish rodeo always tends to attract the most eccentric among us and this one is no different.  For instance, there’s Possum (Kevin J. McGrath), who isn’t going to let a little thing like a shark attack stand in the way of his quest to win a trophy.  There’s Big Bill (Marco St. John), who owns the local car dealership and who doesn’t see why the presence of a few sharks should stand in the way of making a little money.  There’s Wyatt (Dean West), who has a way with a quip and quickly emerged as a favorite of the viewing audience.  And then there’s Tara (played by Cassie Steele, star of both Degrassi and Zombie Shark) who quickly shows that she knows just how to deal with ill-tempered sharks.

Finally, there’s Jason London, playing the role of …. Jason London!  That’s right, Jason London plays himself in Mississippi River Sharks.  In the film’s universe, Jason is well-known for starring in multiple editions of the Shark Bite franchise.  (“We don’t talk about Shark Bite 3!” Jason snaps.)  When Jason accepted the invitation to be the fish rodeo’s special celebrity guest, he never realized that he would have to face real-life sharks!  However, when those sharks do arrive, this movie hero proves himself to be … well, not much of a hero.  Watch the movie to see what happens.  I’ll just say that London is hilarious and it’s a lot of fun to watch him pretending to be a pretentious and stuck-up movie star.  He delivers his lines with just the right amount of weary annoyance.

(And yes, there is a Jeremy London joke but I won’t spoil it.)

(Also, it’s mentioned that Jason London also starred in Here Comes Santa Jaws and Raiders of the Lost Shark.  Seriously, somebody needs to make these two films.)

Now that the sharks have invaded the Mississippi River, where will the sharks show up next year?  Well, just remember this — the Mississippi River is the biggest river in the United States.  Those sharks could end up anywhere.  Personally, I’m hoping for Minnesota Winter Sharks.

We’ll see what happens!

Let’s Talk About 5 Headed Shark Attack (dir by Nico De Leon)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

From our friends at the Asylum, here comes a movie about … well, it’s right there in the title.

This is a movie about a 5-Headed Shark.  Now, I have to admit that, when this film premiered on SyFy last Sunday, my friends and I were a little confused as we watched.  While it was true that the shark had multiple heads, we only counted four heads.  That certainly made it superior to a mere 3-headed shark but still, we felt somewhat cheated.  We were promised five heads!

Well, we should never have doubted the Asylum.  Regardless of whether you get the Asylum’s sense of humor or not (and I happen to love it), this is a studio that always delivers exactly what it promises.  The title promised us five heads and eventually, that fifth head did pop up.  The reason why it took us a while to notice the fifth head was because it was actually on the back of the shark.  That’s right.  The shark had four heads in front and one head in back.  For those of us watching, that fifth head quickly became something of a folk hero.  We not only felt sorry for that head but we worried about whether it was getting enough to eat.  It seemed like the front four heads were gobbling up all the divers while the fifth head had to settle for scraps.

Myself, I’m just wondering what’s going to happen when the inevitable 7-headed Shark Attack is released?  Eventually, things are going to start to get a bit crowded on that shark.

Obviously, it takes a lot to feed a 5 Headed Shark.  Fortunately, the island of Puerto Rico is always full of scientists, tourists, and people who just felt like wearing a bikini for the day.  (Perhaps that’s why, along with a 5 headed shark, Puerto Rico also had to deal with a toxic shark this year.  And who knows what’s going to happen when the latest Sharknado hits?)  The 5 Headed Shark is constantly popping out of the ocean and eating anyone stupid or silly enough to get in the way.  It even manages to take out a helicopter.  It’s not an Asylum film unless at least one helicopter is blown up.

Some people, of course, aren’t happy about having a 5 headed shark eating everyone.  Two police officers — apparently, the only two in Puerto Rico — get on a boat and search the ocean for it.  And then there’s the staff of a nearby aquarium.  The head of the aquarium would love to add a 5 headed shark to the collection so, of course, he and a scientist and a group of interns set sail for adventure and carnage.  Helping them out is Red (Chris Bruno), who hunts all sorts of things and who just happens to have enough weapons lying around that he could probably invade a nearby island and set himself up as a dictator.  Red owns a boat but you know what?

HE’S GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT!

Yes, that’s a Jaws reference.  5 Headed Shark Attack was full of them, as all Asylum shark movies are.  That’s one reason why these movies are so much fun to watch.  It’s a bit of a challenge, trying to catch all the references and shout outs.  Asylum films, like this one, are always wonderfully meta.  All of the characters in 5 Headed Shark Attack appear to be aware that they’re characters in a B-movie and they all accept their assigned roles and fate with proper enthusiasm.  It’s pure entertainment and, as a result, a lot of fun to watch.  It’s movie that encourages you to worry about nothing more than having a good time and maybe a few laughs.

In short, this is a movie that delivers exactly what it promises.  The movie says it’s going to give you a 5 Headed Shark and that’s what you get.

Let’s Talk About Toxic Shark (dir by Cole Sharpe)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh Hell yeah!

This past week has been Shark Week on SyFy!  On Sunday, SyFy is going to premiere the latest Sharknado movie.  As always, in the days before the latest chapter in the Sharknado saga, SyFy has been showing other shark-related films.  Of course, my friends and I have been watching and live-tweeting all of these films.  What makes the experience especially fun is that, often times, the filmmakers themselves will join in and tweet along with us.  It’s a wonderful reminder that watching an original movie on SyFy should always be a community experience.

Take Toxic Shark for instance…

Toxic Shark premiered on Thursday night and I had a blast watching it.  Need proof?  Check out my tweets.  But what made Toxic Shark especially fun was that I was watching it with my friends, a group of movie lovers who call themselves the Snarkalecs.  We’ve been watching movies on SyFy since …. well, since forever.  I joined them in 2011 but they were watching movies together before I even showed up.  Even better, members of the cast and crew, including producer Neil Elman and editor Don Money, joined in the live tweet.  Toxic Shark is an audience participation film.  This is a movie for people who want to have a good time with their snarkiest and funniest friends.  If you’re not talking back to the screen while watching Toxic Shark, you’re doing it wrong.

Toxic Shark is a film that, in many ways, centers around friendship.  Two groups of friends are looking forward to relaxing at a singles retreat in Puerto Rico.  Unfortunately, things don’t go quite as smoothly as you might hope.  For one thing, it turns out that the retreat is being run by Reese (Eric Etebari, giving a hilarious performance), who is one of those people who you dread meeting at the gym.  Along with that, local fisherman are disappearing.  One of the singles, Ryan (Owen Saxon), worries over whether his shirt is too tight or not tight enough.  (That might not sound like a big deal but he was quite concerned about it.)  Body parts are washing up on the beach.  Eden (Kabby Borders) is shocked to discover that her ex-boyfriend, Sam (Bryce Durfee), just happens to be at the retreat.  Something attacks Gabby (Cirstina Jayo) when she goes out into the ocean.  A yoga class get eaten.  It may not be as bad as Fyre Festival but still…

Oh, wait a minute.  I forgot to mention the biggest problem at the retreat.  There is this giant shark that keeps jumping out the ocean and eating people.  Seriously, that’ll ruin any vacation.  But it’s not just that the shark is really big and fast.  This shark has also become toxic!  It can not only bite you in half but it can spew toxic waste on you as well…

But that’s not all!  The bite of this shark also turns its victims into zombies!  Yes, you read that correctly.  Assuming you don’t accidentally get killed by Reese, there’s always the chance that the shark will eat you.  And, if the shark doesn’t get you, the zombies will…

I mean, seriously, how can you not love that?  Toxic Shark is a blast of pure chaotic fun, featuring beautiful beach scenery, hot people in swimsuits, and a kickass musical score.  Everyone appears to be having a ball, running from sharks and turning into zombies.  Kabby Borders and Bryce Durfee make for a likable couple (even when they’re arguing) and the rest of the cast strikes the perfect balance between horror and comedy.  I especially liked the performance of Owen Saxon as the somewhat dim but well-meaning Ryan.  There was something touching about how concerned he was about whether or not his shirt was too tight.

Toxic Shark was a lot of fun.  If you get a chance, be sure to catch it!

Just don’t let the shark catch you…

Film Review: Close Calls (dir by Richard Stringham)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, I was lucky enough to get a chance to see a new independent horror film called Close Calls.

When Close Calls begins, the first image that appears on the screen is of a VHS tape.  Even though it’s just a part of the logo for S & Drive Cinema, that VHS tape is exactly the right image to start this film off with.  Close Calls is a throwback to the horror films of the late 70s and the early 80s.  It’s a film that pays homage to the old slasher and haunted house films that, though they may not have had a huge budget, did have an abundance of atmosphere, shocks, and out-of-control plot twists.   I always love a good homage so, as soon as I saw that VHS tape, I was excited to see what would follow.

Teenager Morgan MacKenzie (Jordan Phipps) has her own very good reasons for being upset with the world in general.  She is still struggling to deal with the death of her mother, something that is not made any easier by the fact that her father, David (Kristof Waltermire), is now dating the bitchy Brynn (Carmen Patterson).  (Morgan describes Brynn as being a “steaming pile of bitch.”)  She lives in a really nice house but, due to her rebellious attitude and her casual drug use, her father has grounded her and refuses to trust her.  (When he hears Morgan swear, he snaps, “If I was to cuss at my dad the way that you do, he would have beat the shit out of me!”  That’s the kind of father that David is.)  Whenever David leaves the house, he takes Morgan’s phone with him.  Morgan is literally a prisoner in the house, with her only company being her rather strange grandmother (Janis Duley).  Grandma spend her time upstairs, occasionally ringing a bell to let Morgan know that she needs something.  

Close Calls takes place over one very eventful night in Morgan’s life.  As soon as her father abandons her so that he can go on a date with Brynn, odd things start to happen.  Grandma starts to act strange and, despite writing a reminder on her inner thigh, Morgan keeps forgetting to take her pills upstairs.  As a storm brews outside, Morgan hears a voice from the past, whispering to her.  Pictures in the house start to change, as once happy photographs are changed into images of grief and pain.  The landline phone rings and, every time that Morgan answers, she hears a voice making threats.  A friend drops by, insisting that Morgan try a new drug.  Even worse, a man named Barry (Greg Fallon) shows up at her front door.  He says that he works for Morgan’s father and he just wants to come in out of the rain.  He seems okay, until he smiles what may be the most evil smile ever.  Morgan may have a shoebox of cocaine hidden in her closet but that’s not going to be as much help as you might think.  It’s going to be a long, dangerous, and twist-filled night.  When I say twist-filled, I’m not being hyperbolic.  In the tradition of a 70s giallo, Close Calls is full of unexpected plot developments.  At first, Morgan may seem paranoid but, as the film progresses, it becomes obvious that she has good reason for that paranoia.

Close Calls definitely had an Italian horror feel to it, which is one of the reasons why I enjoyed it.  When the camera is stalking through the house, I was reminded of two Lamberto Bava films, A Blade In The Dark and Delirium.  (The house’s swimming pool even reminded me of the pool where so much of the action in Delirium took place.)  A few of the more surreal scenes were tinted and lit in a way that reminded me of the scenes of Jessica Harper exploring the dance school in Suspiria.  For that matter, the film’s final scenes reminded me of something from Lucio Fulci’s Beyond trilogy.  Much like those films, Close Call frequently feels as if it’s a filmed nightmare.  The atmosphere is dream-like and frequently surreal.  In the tradition of the best of Italian horror, the story is sometimes less important than the way it’s told.  As well, director Richard Stringham deserves a lot of credit for including a drug trip sequence that actually feels authentic.

(Also of note: Rocky Gray’s score.  It’s a throwback to the wonderfully creepy and ominous horror music of the 70s and 80s.  Goblin would be proud.)

For a film like this to work, you have to a sympathetic lead and Jordan Phipps gives a wonderfully empathetic performance as Morgan, making her a sympathetic character even when she’s snorting cocaine and talking about how much she hates having to take care of her grandmother.  Phipps commits the role, giving an intense and believable performance.  Janis Duley also does well as grandma, constantly making you wonder whether she’s just a senile old lady or if there’s something more sinister about her quirks.  Finally, Greg Fallon is appropriately sinister as Barry, keeping us off-balance as to what his true intentions are.

Close Calls is definitely a film for horror fans to keep an eye out for, especially horror fans who like a film that keeps you guessing.  If you get a chance to see it, take that chance.

Belatedly, here are the trailers for Thor: Ragnarok and Ready Player One!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I know, I know.  These two trailers dropped in July and I’m late in sharing them.  Trust me, I feel totally guilty.

Anyway, it’s been a good year for comic books movies so far.  Will that trend continue with Thor: Ragnarok?  Traditionally, of all the MCU films, it’s the Thor movies that always have the toughest time with the critics.  I’ll just say that, to me, Jeff Goldblum was born to play an intergalactic villain.

Plus, Tom Hiddleston!  Everyone loves Tom Hiddleston!

Thor: Ragnarok is coming out later this year.  We won’t get to see Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of Ready Player One until 2018 but we can watch this teaser!

Hopefully, after slipping a bit with The BFG, Spielberg will return to quality filmmaking with Ready Player One.

(It’s interesting to note that Spielberg does — in theory — have a film coming out this year.  It’s called The Papers and it was hastily put together to serve as both a historical drama and a rebuke to the Trump administration’s criticism of the press.  The Papers is currently in post-production and there’s some confusion as to whether it will be ready for a 2017 release and Oscar run.  To be honest, Ready Player One sounds like it’ll be more fun than The Papers.)

Here Are The Trailers for LBJ, Suburbicon, Rebel in the Rye, and 9-11!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s four trailer for four films, none of which I have high hopes for.

First off, we’ve got LBJ.  You’d probably expect that I, as a history nerd, would be excited about any presidential biopic and that usually would be the case.  However, LBJ was directed by Rob Reiner and this seems like exactly the type of project that is going to bring out all of his worst tendencies as a filmmaker.  I imagine this film will make Lincoln look subtle.  I also imagine it will get some good review from the “Let’s make every review about Trump” crowd.

LBJ has actually been around for a while.  It was mentioned as an Oscar contender last year.  Then festival and preview audiences were exposed to it and all that LBJ Oscar talk abruptly ended.  No one is mentioning it as an Oscar contender this year.

The good news about Suburbicon is that it was co-written by the Coen Brothers.  The bad news is that it was directed by George Clonoey, a great actor who just happens to be an absolutely lousy director.  Much like LBJ, this is another film that I hope will be good but I just fear the material will bring out all of Clooney’s worst instincts as a filmmaker.

That said, as an actor, Clooney had done some of his best work for the Coens.  (His self-mocking performance in Burn After Reading was absolutely brilliant.)  So, I’m hoping that I’ll be proven wrong and Suburbicon will be great.

Rebel in the Rye is a biopic of writer J.D. Salinger.  The advance word on this one is not good.  Not good at all.

And finally, here’s the trailer for 9-11, which I’m predicting will be one of the worst films of 2017.  Outspoken truther Charlie Sheen plays a man stuck in a elevator September 11th.  Apparently, this was directed by Martin Guigui, who also directed National Lampoon’s Cattle Call.  

Apparently, this will be the first Charlie Sheen film to actually make it into theaters since A Glimpse Into The Mind of Charlie Swan III.  It’ll be released on September 8th and hopefully, it won’t be as annoying as Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

 

Here’s The Teaser for Mother!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s the teaser for Mother!  The full trailer drops on the 8th.

No one seems to be really sure what Mother! is about.  It appears to be a horror/thriller sort of thing but, with Darren Aronofsky directing, it’s safe to assume that there will be all sorts of layers of meaning.  Along with starring Jennifer Lawrence (who, after Joy and Passengers, could really use a movie that’s worthy of her talents), Mother! also features Javier Bardem, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Ed Harris.  Judging by how the majority of this teaser goes out of it’s way to portray Jennifer Lawrence as being isolated in a big house, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that Bardem, Pfieffer, and Harris all plays figments of Lawrence’s imagination.

Who knows?  We’ll find out on September 15th!

Here’s The Trailer For Call Me By Your Name!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Every year, a major Oscar contender emerges from the Sundance Film Festival.  This year, a lot of people think that contender is going to be Mudbound.  Personally, I think it’s going to be Call Me By Our Name.

Mudbound, after all, was bought by Netflix and, judging from what happened to Beasts of No Nation, the Academy is not quite ready to embrace the Netflix brand.

Call Me By Your Name, on the other hand, is a historic drama that not only won’t be streaming until after the award ceremony but which will probably feel especially timely today.  Add to that, Armie Hammer’s in it and every year, film bloggers like me a contractually obligated to announce, ‘This is the year that Armie Hammer gets an Oscar nomination!  It may not have happened for The Social Network!  It may not have happened for J. Edgar!   It definitely didn’t happen for The Lone Ranger or whatever movie he made last year!  It might not happen for Free Fire but this year is still going to be the year of the Hammer!”

Check out the trailer below: