Late Night Retro Television Review: Sledge Hammer! 1.3 “Witless”

Posted on August 28, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing SLEDGE HAMMER!, a cop comedy which ran on ABC from 1986 to 1988. The entire series can be found on Prime!

This week, Sledge meets the Maninotes.

Episode 1.3 “Witless”

(Dir by Jackie Cooper, originally aired on October 3rd, 1986)

Upset that crime has fallen in the city due to the insanity of just one cop, Don Phillip Souza (Al Ruscio) announces that he will pay a million dollars to anyone who can bring him Sledge Hammer in a box. When his accountant (Basil Hoffman) points out that a million dollars is a lot of money, Souza explains that he’s running a weekly special.

Fortunately for Sledge, it turns out that the city’s assassins are even dumber than he is. On his way to work, he has several close calls that he fails to notice. A knife is tossed at him but is blocked by his newspaper (which is extra thick because of the addition of several new Zodiac signs). Two hitmen accidentally shoot each other when he leans forward. Sledge spills his poisoned coffee before he can drink it. It’s not until he arrives at work and ends up juggling a lit stick of dynamite in Captain Trunk’s office that he realizes someone is after him.

Captain Trunk orders Hammer to hide out in the country. Unfortunately, the cop driving him explains that he has 12 kids and needs the money both to pay for their school and for a vasectomy. A struggle ends with Hammer getting tossed out of the car. He lands in a field, where he is discovered by farmer Jacob (Lewis Arquette) and his daughter, Isadora (Ann Ryerson).

Jacob and Isadora may ride in a buggy and eschew modern technology, but they’re not Amish. They’re not Mennonites either. Instead, they are Maninotes. Isadora insists that Hammer stay in their farmhouse until he recovers. Jacob insists that he do chores. Sledge milks a cow. Sledge tosses hay. Sledge tries and fails to build a barn.

As you probably already guessed, “Witless” is a parody of the 1985 film Witness. It’s definitely an affectionate parody. It doesn’t make fun of the movie so much as it imagines what would have happened if Harrison Ford’s sensitive and intelligent detective had been replaced by a trigger-happy lunatic. Sledge may be attracted to Isadora, but in the end his true love remains his gun. And when the assassins (led by the Don’s accountant) arrive at the farm, Jacob and Isadora appear with machine guns. When Hammer points out that Maninotes are supposed to be against violence, Jacob shrugs. “It’s the ’80s,” he says.

Eventually, Sledge gets in a box and has himself delivered to the Don so that he can collect the money. When Officer Doreau tells Sledge that he can’t take the money because it’s evidence, Sledge laughs and says that he won’t be pressing charges. Instead, he takes the money and gives it to Jacob and Isadora. Jacob says that he’s going to repair the barn and then buy a Porsche.

This is a hilarious episode, from the sight gags at the start to Sledge’s efforts to help out around the farm. The humor is cheerfully absurd. (At one point, when the accountant is slowly creeping up on Sledge, one of the other assassins walks up and takes his place so the accountant can take a break.) David Rasche plays Sledge with just the right amount of clueless enthusiasm. I laughed throughout. Sledge Hammer may be witless, but he’s also very funny.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 2.22 “Life Sentence”

Posted on August 7, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

This week, we finish up Freddy’s Nightmares.

Episode 2.22 “Life Sentence”

(Dir by Anita W. Addison, originally aired on March 11th, 1990)

The final episode of Freddy’s Nightmares is also one of the most boring.

Just as with last week’s snoozefest, this episode takes place at the local prison. Andy (George De La Pena) is due to be released. Everyone knows that he killed a guard during an armored truck robbery but Andy blamed his accomplice Bruno (Ron Troncatty) and got away with a plea bargain. Andy can’t wait to get out of jail. He brags to the guy in the next cell about how he knows where all the money is hidden.

Uh-oh, it looks like the prison’s psychiatrist, Elaine Alamo (Penny Johnson Jerald), is trying to keep Andy imprisoned. What does Andy care? Sure, everyone hates him but Bruno’s in another prison and Andy’s got all that money waiting for him. However, when Andy finds out that Bruno has escaped, Andy no longer feels safe on the outside. However, Elaine has changed her mind about keeping Andy in jail because she wants Bruno to kill Andy because the guard the Andy killed was her father. So, Andy kills Elaine so he can stay in prison. But then Bruno gets captured and becomes Andy’s new cellmate. That’s the first story.

The second story features the prison’s warden, Hendler (John Milford), running for sheriff. He’s behind in the polls so he uses an experimental truth serum on Andy. Andy hallucinates that the Warden is Bruno and Andy tells him where the money is hidden. Then Andy dies from a heart attack. The Warden calls a press conference to announce that he’s found the money but Dr. Redman (Glynn Turman), the inventor of the serum, spikes the Warden’s drink and the Warden confesses to killing Andy.

Freddy doesn’t do anything in either one of these stories, other than appear in three host segments and tell a joke about dropping the soap.

This episode was incredibly dull. The low-budget was extremely obvious. (The Warden holds his press conference in the prison, presumably because the show couldn’t afford to dress another set.) Penny Johnson Jerald does a good job with her role but otherwise, this was a poorly acted episode that featured dull characters. Andy was unlikable. The Warden was unlikable. This episode was sad note for this show to go out on.

Of course, it’s not a shock that Freddy’s Nightmares ended with a bad episode. It wasn’t a very good show to begin with, There were a few above average episodes during the second season and the first season features some memorably grotesque moments but otherwise, Freddy’s Nightmares was too constrained by the standards of television to really live up to the legacy of A Nightmare on Elm Street. The best episode were the ones the featured Freddy getting involved in the plot but those were few and far between.

Freddy’s Nightmares did not get a grand finale. Instead, it just got a forgettable final episode. Unlike the Friday the 13th series, Freddy’s Nightmares never found a consistent tone or a compelling reason for existing.

Oh well. Next week, we’ll have a new show in this time slot. See you then!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Freddy’s Nightmares 2.21 “Prisoner of Love”

Posted on July 31, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Let’s go to prison! Is Freddy coming?

Episode 2.21 “Prisoner of Love”

(Dir by Richard T. Schor, originally aired on March 4th, 1990)

A flakey Episcopalian named Father Jarvis (Vincent Baggetta) is appointed the new chaplain of Springwood Prison. Jarvis has just returned from Haiti and has a rather liberal outlook towards prison reform. When he falls in love with Death Row prisoner Violet (Maria Richwine), he gives her a Haitian drug that will make it appear as if she’s died. He promises her that he will dig her up from the prison graveyard before she suffocates. Unfortunately, Jarvis oversleeps and Violet suffocates in her coffin.

Still, another prisoner named Brenda (Tara Buckman) overheard Jarvis talking to Violet and she decides that she wants the same drug. Jarvis gives it to her but it turns out that Jarvis is also being haunted by the ghost of Violet. Violet says that she can’t move on until Brenda forgives her for killing Brenda’s boyfriend. Brenda finds herself being held captive by the crazed Father Jarvis.

This episode was the second-to-late for Freddy’s Nightmares and, unfortunately, it’s not very good. Between the histrionic acting and the predictable plot, this story really makes you wish that Freddy was doing something more than just introducing it. As it was, this episode really reminded me of how limiting the show’s format was. Whenever something scary happens, it’s always a given that it will turn out to be a dream. It’s predictable and a little bit dull, unless it’s one of the rare episodes in which Freddy actually played a role in the story.

Next week, we will finish up Freddy’s Nightmares!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 5.7 “The Squeaky Wheel”

Posted on February 12, 2026 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark help out a vet.

Episode 5.7 “The Squeaky Wheel”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on June 16th, 1989)

Jonathan and Mark attempt to turn Wayne Secret (Robert David Hall) into a disability activist. Having lost his legs in Vietnam, Wayne wants to live a quiet life with his wife (Deborah Benson) but, while staying at a recently renovated hotel, he is woken up by a fire alarm. With the the elevators not working and no ramps, Wayne is forced to depend on the kindness of a stranger who carries him down a flight of stairs. The fire turns out to be a false alarm but the experience leads to Wayne protesting the fact that the hotel is not wheelchair accessible.

The owner of the hotel not only agrees to make changes to the building but he also offers Wayne a job. Things are looking up for Wayne! But, when a gang of young men harass him and his wife at a drive-in movie, Wayne snaps. He buys an Uzi and then heads down to their clubhouse to take them out. Luckily, Jonathan appears and talks Wayne out of becoming a mass murderer. Wayne goes on to receive a “man of the year” award while Jonathan beats up the leader of the gang.

This episode felt very familiar. In the past, this episode would have featured Mark’s brother-in-law, Scotty. Instead, it features Wayne, who is not a particularly compelling character. I think that this episode would have worked if it had just focused on Wayne advocating for wheelchair accessible buildings. I also think it would have worked if it had just focused on Wayne’s anger to the gang and his struggle to let go of his bitterness over his war experiences. Unfortunately, trying to cram both those storylines into one 45-minute show led to the whole thing feeling half-baked.

There was one poignant scene in this episode. It opened with Mark and Jonathan visiting the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Mark got excited when he came across Michael Landon’s star. “Never heard of him,” Jonathan shrugged. “I forget you’ve been dead for forty years,” Mark replies. It captured Jonathan and Mark’s friendship, which was always been one of the more underrated aspects of Highway to Heaven. That said, it was also a bit of a sad scene as the episode itself aired a day after the death of Victor French and Landon himself would pass away nearly two years later.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway To Heaven 2.7 “Popcorn, Peanuts, and Crackerjacks”

Posted on April 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s episode was about baseball so guess who I made watch it with me?

Episode 2.7 “Popcorn, Peanuts, and Crackerjacks”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 13th, 1985)

The Tucson Toros need some help!

The Toros are a minor league baseball team. For years, they have been coached by the kindly Doc Brigsby (Keenan Wynn). When D.W. Rogers (John Milford) purchased the team, one of the first things that he wanted to do was get rid of old Brigsby. But one of the conditions of the sale was that Rogers would retain Brigsby as long as the Toros won more games than they lost. Rogers has been trying to sabotage the team ever since. He’s traded and released all of the team’s best players. The remaining players are dispirited and no longer having fun on the field. It looks like the Toros are about to have their first losing season.

Meanwhile, Ted Tilley (Moses Gunn) is out of a job. Ted was once a pitcher in the Negro Leagues, nicknamed the Louisiana Flash. After he stopped playing, he ran the souvenir stand at the stadium and always made sure to hand out free game tickets to all of the neighborhood kids who did well in school. However, when Rogers signs a contract with a professional vending company, Ted finds himself out-of-work.

Or, at least, he does until two sportswriters named Jonathan Smith and Mark Gordon write an article about the Toros’s bad season. Hoping to generate some positive publicity, Rogers follows a suggestion from Jonathan and signs Ted to the team. Ted makes history as the oldest professional baseball player and teaches the team how to have fun on the field. The Toros suddenly start winning games. But will they win enough to save Brigsby’s job?

Since this episode was about baseball, I got my sister to watch with me. I asked Erin if the episode was, in any way, a realistic portrayal of the game. Erin’s response was to laugh so I’m going to guess that means that most baseball teams would not put an elderly man on the mound as pitcher with the game on the line. Of course, the only reason that Rogers demands that Tilley be put in the game is because he wants the Toros to lose so that he can fire poor old Brigsby. That doesn’t seem like a smart business decision to me but then again, Rogers is typical of the businessmen who appear on this show. He smokes a cigar, he smirks when firing people, and he’s not allowed any sort of redemption.

Myself, I have to wonder just how exactly Jonathan and Mark got jobs as sportswriters. Mark doesn’t even know what their heavenly assignment is until they arrive at the stadium but somehow, within days, Mark and Jonathan’s byline is appearing in the local newspaper. We don’t ever see them get hired by the newspaper or having to deal with any editors. Usually, Mark and Jonathan take blue collar jobs that don’t require them to explain their past employment history or even offer up a list of references. But newspapers generally like to hire actual journalists to report their stories and not drifters who just need a job and a place to crash for a few days. Did the paper ask Jonathan and Mark for references or to see copies of their past work? Did Jonathan break the angel code by lying to the editors? It just seems weird.

Overall, this episode was predictable but heartfelt, in the usual Highway to Heaven fashion. Moses Gunn brough Ted Tilley to wonderful life and it was hard not to be touched by his joy when he struck out a member of the opposing team. Realistic or not, it was a sweet episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.19 “Crash Diet”

Posted on March 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch gets to be a hero! Take that, Baker!

Episode 1.19 “Crash Diet”

(Dir by Don McDougall, originally aired on February 23rd, 1978)

There’s a madman on the freeway and his name is Leonard!

Leonard (Herman Poppe) is a veteran who suffered a traumatic brain injury while serving in Vietnam. He returned home and was making good progress until his wife was killed in a car accident. (Leonard was the one driving.) Leonard now hates cars and, after running away from both his sister’s house and the VA hospital, Leonard sets up camp off the highway. Occasionally, he’ll jump out of the shadows and throw dirt at a motorist. Leonard isn’t trying to hurt anyone but those big clumps of dirt take people by surprise. When he throws a clump of dirt at Ponch, the cops get involved.

Ponch makes it his mission to find Leonard and help him get the help that he needs. And, for once, Ponch manages to do just that. Yay Ponch! Yet, it seems odd that Baker would not be more involved with this case, as it has previously been established that Baker is also a vet and that he also served in Vietnam. One would think that Baker would be somewhat invested in helping Leonard but, in this episode, Baker is mostly along for the ride.

Maybe Baker is preoccupied with the nude volleyball team that he met at the start of the episode. When he and Ponch pulled over a van to give the driver a ticket, they were shocked to discover that the van was full of naked women. It turns out that the local naturalist community has their own volleyball league and the women are all players. Later, Baker and Ponch come across the now-clothed women playing in the park. Ponch and Baker play a game and totally get their asses kicked. That was satisfying to watch.

Meanwhile, Division wants each precinct to lost a total of 1,000 pounds by the end of the week. (It’s like the Weight Loss episode of The Office.) Officer Grossman (Paul Linke) worries that he won’t be able to lose 18 pounds in time. Baker and Ponch each agree to lose an extra five pounds so Grossman will only have to lose 8. Awwww! Then they pull a prank that makes Getraer think that he’s gained 10 pounds. That was kind of mean but I guess Getraer deserved it for …. for what? Trying to make everyone eat healthy and take care of their bodies?

This episode was a mixed bag. The show’s trademark chases were pretty lackluster this week. But I thought Leonard’s story was well-handled, well-intentioned, and sensitively acted. (Yes, even by Erik Estrada.) As well, Paul Linke had some funny moments as Grossman. This episode may not have been CHiPs at its best but it was still an entertaining 40 minutes.