Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: The Rachels (dir by Michael Civille)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi, everyone! I’ve been cleaning out my DVR and reviewing the films that I’ve recorded. Here’s my final review of the day. I recorded The Rachels off of Lifetime on January 29th!)

I want to tell you about The Rachels but it’s not going to be easy because, at the same time, I don’t want to tell you too much. The Rachels is a whip-smart and wonderfully snarky little satire and, because of the non-linear narrative style that the first half of the film employs, there’s very little I can tell you about the plot without spoiling the movie.

Don’t be put off by its origins as a Lifetime film. Don’t judge the film just because the title was obviously inspired by Heathers. How good is The Rachels? It’s so good that I’m tempted to call it nifty. That’s how good it is.

It tells the story of two teenage girls named Rachel. They’ve been best friends forever. They do the morning announcements together, always ending things by reminding the school, “We’re the Rachels.” Rachel Nelson (Madison Iseman) is blonde and popular, a track star who is loved by everyone. Rachel Richards (Caitlin Carver) is brunette and she’s slightly less popular than Rachel Nelson. Rachel Richards is almost always in the shadow of Rachel Nelson. While Rachel Nelson is praised by her track coach, Rachel Richards is consistently told that she could do better. And then there’s Roxie (Daniela Bobadilla), a photographer who seems to be slightly obsessed with Rachel Nelson but is disliked by Rachel Richards. Roxie claims that she was once one of the Rachels but she is continually told, by one of the Rachels (I can’t reveal which one), that she was never really a Rachel.

At a late night party, one of these three girls will fall off of the roof and plunge to her death, the result of an apparent suicide. The film, in its non-linear fashion, holds off an immediately revealing which one of them fell from the roof and I will do the same. What I can tell you is that the entire school soon becomes a shrine to the dead girl and the two survivors both use her death to their own advantage. Both of them, by linking themselves to the now sainted dead girl, become very different types of celebrities.

It makes for a very sharp satire, one that perfectly skewers today’s culture of instant fame and internet grieving. All three of the main actresses — Maidson Iseman, Caitlin Carver, and Daniela Bobadilla — are perfectly cast and give pitch perfect performances. This is one of those films where no one turns out to be exactly who you thought they would be. Well-written, well-directed, and wonderfully acted, The Rachels keeps you thinking and guessing.

That’s really all I can say about the movie without giving away too much. Keep an eye out for it.

Film Review: Space Trucker Bruce (dir by Anton Doiron)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For most of today, I’ve been posting reviews of films that I watched off of my DVR. Well, I’m going to take a brief break from that pattern to tell you about a film that I watched last weekend. It was a low-budget sci-fi film, a real labor of love that the director posted on YouTube. I watched this film with some of my friends from the Late Night Movie Gang: there was me, Kurt Zellner, Holly Wilson, Janeen Worrall, Phil Kaine, Michael McDow, and Jes Coolbaugh. For the most part, we enjoyed this film.

The name of the movie was Space Trucker Bruce. I’m trying to think of the best way to explain the plot and it’s not easy. It’s a very episodic film and I think it could actually be argued that there really isn’t a plot per se. Instead, there’s just a lot of stuff that happens. Some of it is connected and some of it isn’t but the randomness of it all is part of the film’s charm.

Space Trucker Bruce takes place in the far future. The Earth has colonized the solar system. Humans and human businesses have taken over space. Bruce (Karl Sears) is a space trucker. He’s currently in the process of hauling 20,000 tons of hog fat from Earth to a space station. It’s a lonely job, to be honest. At the start of the film, Bruce doesn’t have any human companionship. He does have a robot, though it’s possible that the robot might actually just be a trash can. You’ll have to watch the film to know for sure. He has several books to read, including a few by the noted Catholic historian Garry Wills. He also has movies, which apparently hardly anyone watches in the future. (Bruce is one of the few people in existence to still know what Star Wars is.) There’s also a tub of cream cheese that has apparently come to life and which keeps encouraging Bruce to do some really bad things. Or at least, we assume that the cream cheese has come to life. Could Bruce just be crazy?

During the journey, Bruce gets some human companionship when he picks up a hitchhiker named Max (played by the film’s director and writer, Anton Doiron). Max is an affable if occasionally neurotic guy. He has a hard time adjusting to Bruce’s laid back personality but, on the plus side, Max is willing to watch movies.

The rest of the film — well, I guess the simplest way to put it would be that Bruce and Max have various adventures while making their way to the space station. Except, they’re not really adventures as much as they’re just stuff that happens. Calling them adventures would suggest that Bruce and Max were really active participants. For the most part, they both spend the majority of the film just relaxing in the ship and occasionally responding to stuff that happens. I mean, if the ship is about to be destroyed then sure, Bruce and Max are going to try to stop that from occurring. But, for the most part, Bruce and Max are just kind of hanging out.

And that really is the film’s charm. This is a low-budget film that proudly embraces the fact that it’s a low-budget film. The sets and the special effects manage to look cheap and effective at the same time. There’s a real charm to the fact that the director wanted to make a space epic and he managed to do it, despite not having much money. Even the amateurish acting become charming after a while. To say that the actors were stiff would be an understatement. But, at the same time, Karl Sears was perfectly cast as Bruce. He just was Bruce in much the same way that Anton Doiron just was Max. There are some films that you appreciate just because they actually managed to get made and seen. Space Trucker Bruce is one of those films.

Space Trucker Bruce is available, for free, on YouTube. It’s not a film for everyone but here’s the thing. If it’s not for you, you’ll know after the first ten minutes. However, if you’re still watching after those ten minutes then you’ll probably enjoy this odd little movie.

Here’s the trailer!

As for the film, it can be watched here:

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Nanny Seduction (dir by Emily Moss Wilson)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi, everyone! I’ve been cleaning out my DVR over the past week and, today, I’ve been sharing reviews of the film’s that I watched! I recorded Nanny Seduction off of the Lifetime Movie Network on February 26th!)

Before I talk too much about Nanny Seduction, I want to engage in a little speculation.

First off, looking at the credits, I noticed that several crew members of Nanny Seduction have also been involved with some of the shark films that usually show up on SyFy in the week before the premiere of the latest Sharknado. That wasn’t a shock. SyFy and Lifetime movies often tend to be produced by the same companies. But what I loved about Nanny Seduction is that, in the very first scene, a child is seen receiving a book about sharks for her birthday! I’m assuming that was an inside joke and I absolutely loved it.

Secondly, I’m going to guess that Nanny Seduction and A Deadly Affair were both filmed at roughly the same time. Not only do the two films share several actors in common but I’m also pretty sure that the main house in A Deadly Affair was also the main house in Nanny Seduction. And again, I found that to be very charming. One of the fun things about watching both Lifetime and SyFy movies is making the connections between them. It’s actually rather fun to see a familiar face pop up and wonder what their role is going to be this time. It’s kind of like when Dick Miller shows up in a Roger Corman film or Giovanni Lombardo Radice pops up in one of Michele Soavi’s movies.

As for the film itself, Nanny Seduction pretty much takes the standard Lifetime nanny film to its logical extreme. Lifetime has a long history of nanny paranoia. It makes sense, of course. By hiring a nanny, you’re not only trusting your child with a stranger but, in a way, you’re also admitting that you can’t be two places at once. You’re admitting that your powers are limited. Of course, by hiring a nanny — who is inevitably always younger, prettier and more exciting than boring old mommy — you’re running the risk that the nanny will either try to run off with your child or your husband. Nanny Seduction is one of the first films to suggest that the nanny might do both.

Of course, that’s not all that Kara (Austin Highsmith) has to worry about. She also has to worry about the fact that her daughter, Erin (Lauren Gobuzzi), is adopted and that Erin’s birth mother (Erin Cahill) is apparently stalking her. And then there’s the fact that Kara’s husband, Ben (Wes Brown), has a history of cheating. Even more than the typical Lifetime protagonist, Kara has good reason to be worried when the new nanny, Alyssa (Valerie Azlynn), keeps hitting on her husband.

Speaking of Alyssa, she’s one of my favorite Lifetime nannies. It’s not that she’s any more evil than the typical Lifetime nanny. Instead, it’s just that she’s so unapologetic about it. Most evil nannies at least try to be subtle but Alyssa never even pretends to be Kara’s friend. She pretty much steps into the house and announces, “I’m going to kidnap your child and run off with your husband. Deal with it!” Alyssa is so joyfully and unapologetically evil and Valeria Azlynn is clearly having such a blast playing her that she elevates the entire film.

Nanny Seduction is a lot of fun. It embraces the melodrama and thank goodness for that!

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Mommy’s Prison Secret (dir by John L’Ecuyer)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi! I am currently in the process of cleaning out the DVR. I recorded Mommy’s Prison Secret off of Lifetime on May 6th.)

Taylor Reynolds (Kelli Williams) has a secret and, believe it or not, the secret is not that she served time in prison. Everyone knows that Taylor has a record and, as opposed to what would happen in the real world, everyone seems to be okay with it. She’s got a nice house in the suburbs, a handsome husband (Justin Reynolds), and a good relationship with her teenage daughter, Bianca (Niamh Wilson). She’s even best friends with her probation officer!

Of course, it’s not like Taylor killed anyone or anything like that. She went to prison because she was arrested for DUI and the cops found weed in her car. She was a model prisoner and apparently, something of a protegé of the warden’s. She secured an early release from prison and she got her life back on track.

So, what’s Mommy’s prison secret? Could it be that the weed actually belonged to husband and she basically took the fall for him? Or could it have something to do with her former cellmate, Meghan (Sarain Boylan)? Meghan has just been released from prison and of course, she promptly turns up in Taylor’s hometown. When Taylor is at the supermarket and she realizes that she’s forgotten her wallet, Meagan pops up, pays for her groceries, and tells off the cashier.

Taylor can’t wait to get away from Meghan, who is tough, crude, and has a blonde mullet sorta thing going on. However, Meghan has other plans, That night, she shows up at Taylor’s house. Her car has broken down. It’s raining. Taylor’s like, “Go away,” and Taylor’s husband is like, “We can’t kick out a guest!”

Needless to say, that’s a big mistake. Not only is Meghan soon pressuring Taylor to sneak drugs into the prison but she’s also proving to be a bad influence on Bianca. Taylor would love to tell Meghan to leave or maybe even call the police but, if she does that, Meghan will reveal Mommy’s prison secret!

What is Mommy’s prison secret? Well, it’s probably not what you think it’s going to be. I thought that it was going to turn out that Meghan and Taylor had been more than just cellmates (and there are hints of that being the case) but the secret itself is something totally different and, to be honest, a lot less interesting.

Anyway, the best thing about Mommy’s Prison Secret is Sarain Boylan’s performance as Meghan. Boylan dominates every scene in which she appears. Meghan speaks her mind and has literally no secrets and, in an odd way, you actually end up liking her a lot more than you like the duplicitous Taylor. Even if she is a bad influence who blackmails Taylor into becoming a drug smuggler, it’s hard not to occasionally say, “Go Meghan!”

One final note: Was Taylor named after Orange Is The New Black‘s Taylor Schilling? I’m going to assume that she was.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Dream House Nightmare (dir by Jose Montesinos)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi! I’m currently cleaning out my DVR and, though I’m making some progress, I’ve still got over 150 movies left to watch and review! Will I finish before the world ends in November? Who knows!? Anyway, I recorded Dream House Nightmare off of the Lifetime Movie Network on April 2nd.)

I got really excited when Dream House Nightmare started and I saw those three magic words: “The Asylum Presents.”

“Oh, Hell yeah!” I shouted. “An Asylum film!”

See, whenever I see “The Asylum Presents,” I know that the film that follows is going to be a lot of fun. The Asylum is shameless about being over the top entertainment. There is rarely anything subtle about an Asylum film but that’s exactly why people like me love them. The Asylum has turned melodrama into an art form.

The other reason that I got excited about Dream House Nightmare was, from the opening shots, it was obvious that the film was set and shot in Louisiana. Seriously, an Asylum film shot in the Deep South? You better believe I was excited!

And, for the most part, Dream House Nightmare lived up to my expectations. It tells the story of a house, a really big house that practically anyone would die for. Madison Dupree (Terese Aiello) loves the house and would love to buy it. When she sees another couple looking at the house, she even tells them not to bother. She has determined that the house is going to belong to her. Can you blame her? She doesn’t have much else going on in her life. Years ago, she was named Mother of the Year but now, she has been relegated to the margins of society. She lives with her disabled daughter (Tenea Intriago, giving a poignant performance in a difficult role) and her white trash husband (Brett Baker). Why can’t she at least have a nice house?

However, she doesn’t get the house. A better offer is made by the Wades, Thom (David A. Cole) and his wife, Theresa (Rachel G. Whittle). Thom is an emergency room doctor. Theresa is pregnant and is often alone at home while her husband works at the hospital. Theresa has already suffered one miscarriage and is understandably worried that she’ll have another. It doesn’t help that the neighbors all think that she’s stand-offish. (“I’m just shy!” she protests and believe me, as someone who has often been wrongly accused of having an attitude, I knew exactly what she was going through.)

It also doesn’t help that Madison is batshit insane, so insane that she immediately launches a campaign of harassment against the Wades. She leaves threatening notes. She goes online and announces that the Wades are having an open house, which leads to a few surprise visitors. She leaves notes for the other neighbors, making Thom look like a pervert. When Thom and Theresa hold a party to get to know their neighbors, Madison attempts to blow everyone up.

It’s just all so over-the-top and insane that it’s impossible not to enjoy. The plot doesn’t have to make sense when it’s this much fun. It seems somehow appropriate that the film takes place in the Deep South. Down here, we embrace our melodrama. This film is a potent combination of Louisiana atmosphere and Asylum melodrama, with a healthy amount of random insanity tossed into the mix.

As I said, I’m always happy when I see “The Asylum Presents.” Films like this are the reason why.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: A Neighbor’s Deception (dir by Devon Downs and Kenny Gage)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(I’m currently cleaning out my DVR and right now, I kinda suspect that a comic book movie might get a best picture nomination before I ever get finished. By that, I mean that this is taking forever! But, no matter! I’m having fun. Anyway, I recorded A Neighbor’s Deception off of Lifetime on April 8th.)

Welcome to the neighborhood!

And what a neighborhood it is. Big house, big yards, big SUVs, and … wait, where are all the people? Chloe (Ashley Bell) and Michael Anderson (Adam Mayfield) have just bought a new house in this neighborhood and everything should be perfect. Chloe has had her struggles and, from the first minute we see her, it’s obvious that she’s not exactly stable. She’s nervous and a bit too quick to smile. Michael feels that the new neighborhood will be perfect for Chloe.

While Michael goes to work during the day, Chloe runs and takes pictures. It’s a beautiful neighborhood, surrounded by wonderful scenery. And yet, there’s something off about it. The streets and sidewalks often seem to be strangely deserted The first time that Chloe sees her neighbor, he’s driving past her and he barely acknowledges her.

It’s not until later that Chloe and Michael finally meet their neighbors face-to-face. Gerald (Tom Amandes) and Cheryl Dixon (Isabella Hoffman) seems like their friendly enough but there are hints that everything may not be perfect with them. For one thing, Gerald is considerably more friendly than Cheryl. Gerald is also a retired psychologist and starts to counsel Chloe for free. He says he’s just doing it to be a good neighbor but are his motives truly pure?

That’s what Chloe being to wonder. It doesn’t help that she’s soon getting mysterious phone calls from a man who blames Gerald for the death of his sister. The man wants Chloe to investigate Gerald and his past. Chloe agrees but is her paranoia justified or, as Michael suggests, is she on the verge of having another breakdown?

Written by noted horror expert Adam Rockoff, A Neighbor’s Deception is a hundred times more creepy than the usual Lifetime film. Wisely, both the script and the direction puts the emphasis on atmosphere. That big and oddly empty neighborhood becomes as much of a character as Chloe, Michael, Gerald, and Cheryl. This is one of those films that seems to have literally been bathed in a tub full of existential dread. As we watch, we find ourselves wondering if the neighborhood is really as creepy as it looks or if maybe Chloe’s paranoia is rubbing off on us.

Chloe is played by Ashley Bell, who some will recognize as being the “possessed” girl in The Last Exorcism. Bell gives an excellent performance in this film. She’s immediately sympathetic but, at the same time, she plays the role with just enough a nervous edge that you’re always aware that she could be imagining things. (Bell is often framed in the scene so that she’s seen alone, reinforcing the feeling that Chloe is not quite living in the real world.) Also deserving of credit is Tom Amandes, who is all dapper menace as Gerald.

A Neighbor’s Deception ends with a twist that won’t necessarily take you by surprise but no matter. The journey makes it all worh it.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: The Psycho She Met Online (dir by Curtis Crawford)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(I am currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR! It’s probably going to take me longer to do this than it took Theodosia Burr to make her way to Alexandria, Virginia after getting shipwrecked in 1812. I recorded The Psycho She Met Online off of Lifetime on April 9th!)

Let’s just start with the obvious.

The Psycho She Met Online?

That is, without a doubt, one of the greatest titles in the history of Lifetime movies. Not only does it tell you exactly what this movie is about (no ambiguity here!) but it also tells you that this film will feature everything that we love about Lifetime films. When it comes to Lifetime, regardless of the movie, there are two things that will always be true.

First, anyone you meet is going to turn out to be a psycho.

Secondly, anything that begins online is ultimately going to lead to disaster.

In this case, the film is about an EMT named Karen (Chelsea Hobbs). Karen briefly becomes a minor celebrity when she rescues a man from a serious automobile accident. The twist is that the man just happened to be her husband, Andrew (Matthew Lawrence)!

With Andrew laid up in the hospital, Karen decides to make some extra money by renting out some of the spare rooms in their house. She does this be placing an ad online. Oh, Karen! Don’t you realize that only crazy people do stuff online!?

(And what does that say about me, posting my film reviews online!? And you reading them online!? OH MY GOD, WE’RE ALL CRAZY!)

Anyway, Karen soon ends up with two boarders. One is a nice old man named Evander Swandson (Robert Welch). He enjoys going on nature walks and taking photographs. He respects the rules of the house and does his best to stay out of everyone’s way. He is apparently among the one percent of internet users who are not insane and, as soon as Evander showed up, I knew he was doomed.

The other room is taken by Miranda (Charity Shea). Miranda is the psycho of the title. If her superficial resemblance to Jodi Arias doesn’t convince you of that, just wait until she starts killing people. Miranda is a dancer at a “gentleman’s club,” though she doesn’t tell Karen that. Miranda also claims to be Karen’s half-sister and she is just so excited that they will finally have the chance to get to know each other!

At first, Karen is excited too. She’s always wanted a sister and now, she’ll no longer have to settle for a surrogate sibling relationship with her friend, Aubry (Alexis Maitland). However, she soon starts to wonder whether she really wants to have Miranda in her life. Miranda is kind of clingy. Miranda appears to be a pathological liar. Miranda gets jealous whenever Karen has plans that don’t involve her. When Miranda gets upset, she has a habit of ranting to herself. (Then again, I do that as well.)

And, of course, there’s the fact that Miranda has a habit of killing people…

That’s right, it’s yet another Lifetime movie about an obsessive relationship that goes from being friendly to murderous in the blink of an eye. Fortunately, this movie was written by Christine Conradt and directed by Curtis Crawford, two Lifetime veterans who know how to make movies like this interesting. The Psycho She Met Online might never surprise you but then again, the predictability of the format is part of the fun when it comes to Lifetime thrillers. The best role in any Lifetime film is always the psycho and Charity Shea does a great job as the totally insane Miranda.

All in all, it’s another enjoyable Lifetime film!

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Sometimes The Good Kill (dir by Philippe Gagnon)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi! I’m currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR! Hopefully, I’ll be done before the next Congressional special election but it’s going to be a close one! Anyway, I recorded Sometimes The Good Kill off of Lifetime on May 13th!)

I have to admit that when I saw the title of this one, my first thought was, “Since when is Lifetime doing Spaghetti westerns?” I mean seriously, Sometimes The Good Kill is one of those titles that would be perfect for a Franco Nero or a Tomas Milian (or maybe even a Terrence Hill) film.

But no, it turns out I was wrong.

Sometimes The Good Kill takes a look at the sordid things that happen behind the scenes at a convent, a question that has apparently obsessed audiences since the first time they heard Hamlet order Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery!” Someone is killing nuns, but why? Things get off to a start when the old Mother Superior is found underneath a ladder. Then another is found drowned in a bathtub. The new Mother Superior (Allison Hossack) wants the murders to remain a secret because the convent is struggling financially. So, instead of calling the police, she just puts the bodies in a freezer. Fortunately, the newest arrival at the convent — Sister Talia (Susie Abrometi) — has a mysterious past. She knows the streets. She knows the darkest aspects of human nature. Mother Superior wants Talia to solve these murders and she even hands her a gun to make the job easier.

Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun, doesn’t it? It does but, once you get over the novelty of nuns hiding guns and solving murders, Sometimes The Good Kill settles down to be a fairly typical Lifetime movie. The film moves at a rather stately pace and its full of scenes of nuns gossiping in low voices and sometimes, I found myself straining to understand what everyone was saying. Speaking as someone who comes from an Irish/Italian/Spanish Catholic background, this is a film that I wanted to enjoy more than I actually did.

That said, here are a few words of praise. While the film’s pacing may have been off, it was relatively well-performed. My favorite suspect was Sister Jean (Deborah Grover), because she didn’t trust anyone and had no fear of letting people know that. Even when told that “we’re all Gods creatures,” Sister Jean responded by rolling her eyes. We’ve all known a Sister Jean. And then there was skittish Sister Mai (Lisa Troung), who was freaked out by the poor people who regularly showed up to ask for food. Both Grover and Troung did very well in their roles.

Finally, I liked the look of the film. Sometimes The Good Kill was full of visual atmosphere and took full advantage of its gothic setting. The film had a visual moodiness, one that kept me watching even when the story itself was lacking.

That said, my favorite gun-carrying nun remains Ms. 45.

Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Secret World (dir by Paul Feyder and Robert Freeman)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(I’m currently cleaning out my DVR! It’s going to take forever but I take like 20 capsules of Dexedrine a day so I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to stay awake until I’ve watched everything. Anyway, I recorded the 1969 film, Secret World, off of FXM on February 1st.)

Poor Francois (Jean-Francois Vlerick)! This eleven year-old has already experienced more tragedy than most people will have to deal with in a lifetime. He was recently in a car accident, one that resulted in him being pinned underneath his mother’s body for several hours. He now lives with his grandparents (Pierre Zimmer and Giselle Pascal) on their beautiful estate. It’s a lonely life. Francois spends most his time with his pet rabbit or, at least, he does until Wendy Sinclair (Jacqueline Bisset) shows up.

Wendy used to be his grandfather’s mistress. She may still be. The film is deliberately ambiguous about the current state of their relationship. Grandma, of course, is not happy to see her. Francois, on the other hand, becomes obsessed with her, watching her while she sleeps and even clipping off a lock of her hair. For her part, Wendy good-naturedly tolerates Francois and his attention.

Then Olivier (Marc Morel) shows up. Olivier is Francois’s uncle, a handsome and wealthy rogue. The attraction between Olivier and Wendy is obvious, leading to both Francois and his grandfather growing jealous. With all three of the men in love with Wendy, she eventually does have sex with one of them but the film deliberately declines to reveal whether she’s with Olivier or the grandfather. (We only see a man’s hand and that man is wearing a glove as he approaches the naked Wendy.)

Secret World is a creepy little French movie, one of the many movies from the late 60s that featured boys and men lusting after Jacqueline Bisset. Almost everything about this movie screams 1969, from the fashion to the cars to the oddly pretentious tone of the entire film. Naturally, there’s the occasional jump cut and a few unnecessary close-ups. There are hints of psychedelia in the shots where the sun shines over Olivier’s shoulder. It even has a rather melancholy and ambiguous ending. It’s a frequently gorgeous film, full of haunting shots of the French countryside.

And yet, the film adds up to almost nothing. The movie was obviously trying to be a bittersweet coming-of-age story but it doesn’t work because the characters, as written, are almost all ciphers. Francois is weird when we first meet him and he’s weird when we see him for the last time. He’s one of those kids who is either going to grow up to be a writer or a serial killer. Unfortunately, the film doesn’t seem to know which is true.

At first, I was expecting Secret World to turn out to be a horror film, mostly because little Francois was so creepy with the way that he was always staring at Wendy. I’ve been stared at like that and it made my skin crawl. As soon as Francois started wandering around with the scissors, I was like, “Merde! Everyone in that château is about learn that there are worse things in the world than just ennui!” But no, Secret World never followed up on any of those implications. Instead, it just became a series of pretty and rather empty images. There’s a lot of beauty but not much depth to be found in Secret World.

Guilty Pleasure No. 34: Healed by Grace (dir by David Weese)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi! I’m currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR. I recorded 2012’s Healed By Grace off of channel 58 — that’s a local station down here in Dallas — on March 21st.)

Healed by Grace tells the story of two 19 year-old dancers who have the same last name, despite the fact that they aren’t related and can’t stand each other.

Riley Adams (Natalie Weese) is an extremely sweet, sincere, and good-natured person, her only flaw being that she’s regularly running late and she doesn’t appear to be a very good driver. Riley is also a committed Christian, the type who gives a college presentation on the historical probability of the Great Flood. “Bible thumber,” one student says. “Cute bible thumper,’ another replies. Riley’s father is constantly telling her to pray for everyone, even the people who she doesn’t necessarily like.

And then there’s Aleah Adams (April Oberlin), who is rude and self-centered and who like totally rocks. Of course, the film doesn’t acknowledge that she totally rocks, at least not at first. In fact, I think that we’re supposed to dislike her because she’s always talking about how much better she is than Riley and, when they compete at a regional dance competition, Aleah is not a gracious winner. When Riley congratulates her, Aleah says that she knew she would win and then taunts Riley over the fact that her father couldn’t come to see her dance…

But here’s the thing. We get to see both Riley and Aleah dance. Riley is a boring dancer, with lots of technique but very little passion. Aleah is a much more wild and creative dancer. Riley dances to dull piano music. Aleah dances to EDM. Riley is St. Photini while Aleah is Salome. And while neither one of them is really that good (despite the number of times that we’re told that they are the best dancers in the country), Aleah is still a hundred times better than Riley. And, look, I get what the film was going for. When their coach asks them how they’re feeling after rehearsal, Aleah says that she knows she’s going to win while Riley says that she feels she did well but she could do better. I understand. We’re supposed to love Riley for being humble and resent Aleah for being full of herself and blah blah blah.

But, honestly, modesty is overrated. If you know you’re good, why shouldn’t you admit it? Speaking from my own personal experience, confidence is often mistaken for arrogance, in much the same way that determination is often mistaken for being self-centered. To be truly good at anything, you have to know that you’re good. Where’s the shame in admitting what you know to be true?

In other words, I related to Aleah, which probably indicates that I’m not audience that this movie was made for. (Admittedly, Aleah should not have spilled her drinking water on the floor right before Riley started dancing but we all make mistakes.)

Anyway, long story short — Riley gets involved in a horrific traffic accident, spends a few weeks in a coma, and suffers slight brain damage. Riley is determined to dance again but it becomes obvious that she never will. However, she finds a new love: horses. And, when it turns out that Aleah is related to the stablehand that Riley now has a crush on, the two rivals become friends…

In the past, I probably would have been totally snarky about this movie and, while I was watching it, I will admit to rolling my eyes a little. This is a low-budget and, in many ways, amateurish movie, specifically made for the faith-based market. This was especially obvious in the dance scenes. Riley is such an overwhelmingly upbeat character that I found myself getting annoyed with her.

And yet…

The movie’s just so positive! Normally, I scoff at movies that are too positive in the their outlook but, considering the overwhelming negativity of the world today, it was kind of nice to spend two hours watching a movie that didn’t have a single dark thought in its head. It was a break, so to speak, from the usual morbidity of my cinematic diet. It’s a sweet movie and, compared to most faith-based movies, remarkably unpreachy. Nobody was condemned to Hell. The Antichrist never showed up. No unbelievers were punished. Refreshingly, there were no anti-Catholic conspiracy theories. Instead, this was a nice movie about a girl and her horse and what’s wrong with that?

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