Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.8 “Last Breath”

Posted on September 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Some people stand in the darkness …. let’s get back to reviewing Baywatch Nights! I’ve missed talking about this silly show.

Episode 2.8 “Last Breath”

(Dir by Gregory J. Bonnan, originally aired on November 17th, 1996)

Lifeguards are disappearing!

After hearing the sounds of someone shouting for help in the distance, three lifeguards — including Donna — vanish while investigating. It’s assumed that they’ve drowned but Mitch has his doubts. And it turns out that Mitch is correct! This is an evil haunting the sea and yes, it’s stalking lifeguards.

What type of evil is it?

Is it a sea monster?

Is it a ghost?

Is it an alien creature?

How about a mutant octopus?

Maybe a dinosaur of some sort?

Could it be an unfrozen Viking or a vampire or a time traveler or a….

Well, you get the idea. And really, it should have been one of those things. The second season of Baywatch Nights was all about David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon investigating supernatural ocean stuff. It was specifically designed to be X-Files on the beach. We’ve all heard the urban legend of the weeping woman who haunts lakes. As soon as the lifeguards heard those shouts, I assumed this episode would feature an ocean version of La Llorona.

Well, it turns out I was wrong. Instead, the lifeguard are being kidnapped by a man who blames them for the death of his family in a car accident. The madman (Brett Baxter Clark), who is not at all supernatural, is keeping the lifeguards trapped in a cage. (How do random madmen always manage to have a super-strong cage just lying around?) He wants to recreate the accident that led to the death of his family. Can Mitch track the cage down and rescue his lifeguards?

This episode was disappointing on many levels, with the main problem being that there was really nothing to distinguish it from a typical episode of Baywatch. All it needed was to open with that Some People Stand In The Darkness song for it to be an episode of Baywatch. When you watch the second season of Baywatch Nights, you’re watching because you want to see David Hasselhoff and Angie Harmon pretending to be Mulder and Scully. You watch it because you want to see a combination of swimsuits and supernatural phenomena. Once you take away the supernatural, you take away this show’s main appeal.

That said, if you were a fan of the original Baywatch, you may enjoy certain parts of this episode. Newmie shows up! At first, I was like, “Don’t you dare kidnap Newmie!” but, fortunately, Newmie was too clever to fall for any traps.

Next week, the supernatural will return to the beach!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.7 “The Perfect Husband/Volcano”

Posted on September 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Yay! It’s finally time to return to the Island.

Episode 5.7 “The Perfect Husband/Volcano”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on November 21st, 1981)

This week, it’s Tattoo’s turn to serve as Roarke’s sidekick while Julie is sent off to deal with two weddings and a tour for “the seniors.”

On the one hand, it’s incredibly awkward for Roarke to have two sidekicks and it’s pretty obvious that Julie was only hired to serve as insurance in case Herve Villechaize walked off the set.

On the other hand, it is kind of nice to be reminded of the fact that there’s a lot happening on Fantasy Island. Fantasy Island is not just a mystical nation that is ruled over by the enigmatic Mr. Roarke. It’s also a resort that hosts vacations and retirement homes. Apparently, you don’t have to have a fantasy in order to spend some time on Fantasy Island. Instead, you can just come to Fantasy Island for a nice tropical vacation. That’s kind of nice.

But, that said, the fantasies are why we’re here. We’ve got two good ones this week.

Dorothy Nicholson (Susan Sullivan) is a newspaper publisher who has been feeling unfulfilled ever since her husband was killed by a drunk driver. She want to find the perfect husband, a man without any flaws whatsoever. After giving her his customary “You may not like what you find,” warning, Roarke sends her to Paradise Cove. Operated by the sinister Anton Jagger (Rossano Brazzi), Paradise Cover is a resort where wealthy women are assigned the perfect companion. Dorothy’s perfect man is Gilbert (Lyle Waggoner). Gilbert is handsome, suave, charming, and attentive. Unfortunately, like all of the perfect men at Paradise Cove, he’s also a robot and a part of Jagger’s scheme to cheat women out of their money! Dorothy figures out the truth after Gilbert doesn’t even flinch after his hand catches on fire. Can she defeat Jagger’s plans and rescue the real Gilbert?

(Of course, she can. It’s Fantasy Island!)

Dr. Hal Workman (George Maharis) thinks that he’s figured out a way to detect when a volcano is going to erupt. He wants to go to Fantasy Island’s own active volcano to test out his methods. Roarke agrees, even though he worries that Dr. Workman only cares about science and not about people. (Honestly, who cares? A volcano detection system sounds like it would be a good thing, regardless of the motives of the man who created it.) Workman is led to the volcano by a disillusioned former priest named Lauria (Richard Romanus). However, Workman and Lauria are not the only people at the volcano. There’s also a shady tycoon, Joseph Butler (Norman Alden), and his girlfriend, Terri (Misty Rowe). You can probably guess what happens. Workman falls in love with Terri. Lauria finds his faith. And Butler presumably dies when the volcano erupts and a deluge of what appears to be very thin tomato sauce comes pouring down the mountain.

Both of these fantasies were cheerfully ridiculous, which made them a lot of fun. You may wonder why Roarke would send one of his guests to a resort that’s being run by a madman and that’s a legitimate question. But the important thing is that the viewer gets a montage of all of the robots malfunctioning at once. And you may wonder at the wisdom of allowing someone to go to an active volcano but the important thing is that we get a scene of George Maharis and Richard Romanus running away from the least realistic lava flow ever caught on film. Fantasy Island is a lot of fun when it goes over the top and embraces its beautiful absurdity and that’s exactly what this episode did.

What a wonderful trip to the Island!

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.10 “Return of the Turks”

Posted on September 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

After two months, I’m ready to get back on the California highways with Jon and Ponch!

Episode 2.10 “Return of the Turks”

(Dir by Barry Crane, aired on November 25th, 1978)

It’s always bad news whenever Ponch runs into any of his old friends.

In this episode, when he pulls over a van, he’s shocked to discover that it’s being driven by his old friend, Sid (Kaz Garas). After discovering that former wild man Ponch has now become a cop, Sid spirals into a midlife crisis that leads to him and his friend Rudy (Mark Thomas) playing bumper cars on the highway. Sid is freaked out by the entire experience but Rudy discovers that he loves intentionally bumping into other cars and forcing them off the road.

This episode featured a lot of car crashes and, as usual with CHiPs, they were well-filmed. But I have to admit that I found it almost too disturbing to watch. Usually, I enjoy a good car chase or a spectacularly-filmed car crash. I like fast cars and I’ve always been aware that, when a car crashes onscreen, it’s being driven by a stunt driver. But, back in May, was Dad was in a very serious car crash. He not only broke his shoulder but the crash aggravated his Parkinson’s and the subsequent stay in the hospital and in rehab left him so weak that he died two weeks ago. As a result, I’m not really in the mood for car crashes right now. That’s not the fault of this show, of course. And, under normal circumstances, I would probably be raving about how exciting Rudy’s highway mayhem was.

Ponch is not the only one who meets someone from his past. Baker runs into Pete (James Houghton), the brother of his former partner. Pete’s brother died when he crashed his motorcycle on duty. Pete now puts on his brother’s uniform and pretends to be a member of the Highway Patrol, writing tickets and directing traffic, Because he stole and copied a page from Ponch’s ticket book, Ponch gets the credit for all the tickets but — uh oh! — it turns out that a lot of the tickets are being contested in court. Pete is a bit overzealous. Can Baker and Ponch get Pete off the street before he pulls over the wrong person? And why is a story about the brother of Baker’s former partner mostly about Ponch?

This was a rather melancholy episode. It’s easy to laugh at any episode that features people talking about how Ponch used to be a delinquent because Erik Estrada’s goofy performance doesn’t exactly lend itself to that interpretation. But, in the end, Sid, Pete, and even Rudy were all suffering from a general sort of malaise. They all regretted the way that their lives had turned out and they were all using the California highways as a way to live out their dreams. Unfortunately, by doing so, they put other people’s lives at risk. Fortunately, Baker and Ponch were there to keep the highways safe …. though only after two spectacularly-filmed pile-ups.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.20 “Payback”

Posted on September 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

After taking a two-month hiatus, I think it’s time to finally get back to the reviews. Thank you for your patience, everyone. Now, let’s head to down to Miami for some Vice!

Episode 2.20 “Payback”

(Dir by Aaron Lipstadt, originally aired on March 14th, 1986)

A low-level drug dealer named Jesus Moroto (Roberto Duran) wants a meeting with the detective who arrested him and sent him to jail. When Sonny Crockett arrives to see what Moroto wants, Sonny is shocked when Moroto commits suicide in the visitation room.

Sudden and violent deaths are a recurring thing in Miami but the death of Moroto haunts Sonny. As Sonny explains to Tubbs, it doesn’t make any sense for Moroto, who was only looking at a few years in jail, to have killed himself. Sonny wonders why Moroto died in front of him. Tubbs suggests that Sonny instead focus on their current assignment, trying to get close to the elusive drug lord, Mario Fuente (played by famed art rocker, Frank Zappa). As a lot of drug lords do on this show, Fuente lives on a yacht and it’s next to impossible to see him. Using their undercover identities as Burnett and Cooper, Crockett and Tubbs have so far only been able to meet with Fuente’s second-in-command, Reuben Reydolfo (Dan Hedaya).

Crockett and Tubbs find themselves assigned to work with two DEA agents, one whom — Kevin Cates (Graham Beckel) — claims that he can get Crockett and Tubbs onto Fuente’s boat. Crockett and Tubbs are reluctant to work with anyone but it soon turns out that Cates is apparently better at his job than Crockett and Tubbs gave him credit for.

Except, of course, everyone’s got a secret. Before he went to jail, Moroto stole several million dollars from Fuente. It turns out that Internal Affairs is convinced that Crockett helped Moroto steal the money and Fuente, who knows that Burnett and Cooper are actually Crockett and Tubbs, believes the same thing. The only person who can truly prove that Crockett is innocent is Kevin Cates and that’s because he’s the one who stole the money!

It doesn’t matter that the twisty plot of this particular episode is not always easy to follow. It also doesn’t matter that this episode leaves you wondering just how exactly Crockett and Tubbs have managed to maintain their Burnett/Cooper personas for so long without everyone in Miami’s underworld figuring out the truth. (Personally, I wonder that after every episode.) This episode works due to the atmospheric direction of Aaron Lipstadt and the performances of Don Johnson, Edward James Olmos, Frank Zappa, and especially Graham Beckel. Beckel gives a performance that will keep you guessing at just who exactly Kevin Cates is working for and whether or not he can be trusted. That he makes Kevin into a somewhat likable character makes it all the more disturbing when he turns out to not be quite the honest law enforcer that he made himself out to be. If the main theme of Miami Vice often seemed to be that Crockett and Tubbs were fighting a war that there was no way to win, this episode shows why their work often felt so futile. In this episode, Crockett not only has to battle a drug lord but he also has to battle Internal Affairs. No one trusts anyone.

The episode ends on an ambiguous note, with Crockett technically cleared but still unable to truly prove his innocence. (Kevin Cates, the only man who can truly prove Crockett’s innocence, is naturally gunned down during the show’s final few minutes.) Crockett is warned that Fuente is still going to be coming after him. (Unfortunately, Zappa was in poor health when he filmed this episode and Fuente would never return.) This episode is Miami Vice at its most cynical and its most effective.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.14 “Close Encounters of the Heavenly Kind”

Posted on July 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

There’s really not much to say about this episode.

Episode 2.14 “Close Encounters of the Heavenly Kind”

(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on January 15th, 1986)

Adam (Jerry Supiran) is a kid who lives with his grandfather, Harvey (Harold J. Stone). Unless Harvey can find a real job, Adam is going to be put in foster care. Harvey is a self-taught electrician but, since he never graduated high school, no one is willing to take a chance on him.

One night, a meteorite crashes into the Earth. When Adam rides his bike out to the impact area, he sees Jonathan and Mark stepping out of the crater. Though Jonathan and Mark just happened to be driving by and decided to investigate the meteorite on their own, Adam assumes that they’re aliens. Jonathan lets him assume that as he and Mark go on to help Harvey find a job and also help Adam to find the courage to stand up to his bullies.

Especially when compared to last week’s episode, this was all pretty bland. Jerry Spurian was one of those child actors who overemoted with every line while Harold J. Stone comes across as just being cranky and disagreeable. This felt like a throw-away episode and there’s really not much else to be said about it.

(How’s that for a short review? Sorry, there’s not much to say about this one.)

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.7 “Scott’s Old Girlfriend”

Posted on July 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Is this a good episode of Malibu, CA? Read on to find out!

Episode 1.7 “Scott’s Old Girlfriend”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 22nd, 1998)

Scott and Sam’s relationship is going strong. They’re even planning on spending the weekend in Catalina together. But then Scott’s girlfriend from New York, Megan (Tsianina Joelson), comes to California for a series of dance auditions. Scott swears that he broke up with Megan before leaving New York but it turns out that seeing, “See ya,” is not the best or clearest way to break up with someone. Megan still thinks that she’s dating Scott.

Instead of telling Megan and Sam the truth, Scott attempts to keep them from learning about each other. Why? Because Scott is a character in a Peter Engel-produced sitcom and the guys in these shows always did the stupidest possible things. Scott’s attempt to lie to both of his girlfriends ends in failure and Sam dumps him.

We’re back in familiar territory with this episode. Once again, for 20 minutes, we see that Scott Collins is the worst person who has ever lived. The show attempts to make Scott likable by having him regularly break the fourth wall and speak directly to the audience but smirking while bragging about lying to not one but two girlfriends does not exactly make one likable. His brother Jason is a bit less annoying than usual in this episode but he still helps Scott in his attempted deception so, even if he’s not as much of a sociopath as Scott, Jason’s still a bit of a wimp. (In many ways, being wimpy is even worse than being evil.) It’s actually very satisfying when Sam dumps Scott because it’s exactly what an actual human being would do in this situation. In fact, it’s so satisfying that it actually makes this episode a smidgen better than the ones that came before it.

There is a B-plot but it’s not as annoying as usual. Stads helps Murray train for a surfing contest, which Murray wins even though he’s torn between his love of surfing and his newly found love for Traycee. Stads encourages Murray to break up with Traycee so he can concentrate on surfing and, continuing the show’s theme of people behaving in a semi-realistic way, she feels guilty about it afterwards. But Traycee quickly gets back together with her ex and Murray is excited to have a surfing trophy. And you know what? Good for him. Murray started out as a kind of annoying character but, compared to Scott and Jason, he’s a prince.

Was this a good episode? Well, no, not really. Due to just how unlikable the show’s two main characters are, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a good episode of Malibu CA. But it wasn’t quite as bad as the ones that came before it.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.20 “Quiet, My Wife’s Listening/Eye of the Beholder/The Nudist from Sunshine Gardens”

Posted on July 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, The Love Boat makes history.

Episode 4.20 “Quiet, My Wife’s Listening/Eye of the Beholder/The Nudist from Sunshine Gardens”

(Dir by Harry Mastrogeorge, originally aired on February 21st, 1981)

This episode contains a historical first. It features the first interracial romance to ever be featured on The Love Boat. It took them three and a half seasons to feature one but, at the same time, in 1981, it still probably took some courage for a primetime television show to feature white David Hedison falling in love with black Leslie Uggams. Today, of course, we tend to take it for granted that every movie, TV show, and advertisement is going to feature at least one interracial couple. It’s easy to forget that this is actually a rather recent development. Consider this: I’ve reviewed over a hundred episodes of Fantasy Island and The Love Boat and this is the first episode to feature an interracial romance.

It should be noted, of course, that Leslie Uggams plays a blind woman. At first, I thought the episode was trying to hedge its bets, by assuring any racists in the audience that Uggams didn’t know she was falling in love with a white guy. But then, David Hedison asked Leslie Uggams to marry him and come live with him on his ranch.

“I am a blind, black woman,” Uggams replies, before asking Hedison how he’s going to handle the reactions of the “people in that small town” to him marrying her.

This, of course, would have been a great chance for Hedison to declare that he didn’t care what anyone else had to say and that love is love. Unfortunately, he doesn’t say that.

Instead, Hedison jokes, “We’ll just tell people that you’re the new housekeeper.”

AGCK! Oh, Love Boat, you were so close! That truly unfortunately joke aside, it was a good story and David Hedison and Leslie Uggams had a likable chemistry together. It was nice to see them leave the ship together.

(Incidentally, Leslie Uggams herself married a white man in 1965, at a time when interracial marriage still illegal in many States. They’re still married today.)

As for the other two stories, they were pleasantly bland. Barbie Benton played a nudist who was determined to sunbathe on the ship. Though Doc Bricker volunteered to deal with the problem personally, Gopher instead declared that it was his duty — as purser — to convince her to cover up. Peter Haskell played the ACLU lawyer who threatened to sue Gopher for violating Benton’s first amendment rights. Haskell and Benton fell in love, despite the fact that Benton was 20-something while Haskell appeared to be close to 70.

Meanwhile, Dick Martin boarded the ship with his mistress (Judith Chapman) but he was so paranoid about the possibility of his wife bugging his cabin that his mistress got frustrated and left him. Martin then fell in love with Mary Ann Mobley, an electronic expert who offered to de-bug his cabin. Of course, Mobley was actually a detective sent to catch Martin with his mistress but she fell in love with Martin so I guess it just sucks for Martin’s wife.

The Barbie Benton storyline had some funny moments. The Dick Martin storyline reminded me how hard it is to have sympathy for someone who would cheat on his wife with two different women on one cruise. Overall, this was a pleasant — and historically significant — cruise.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.6 “Druids/A Night In A Harem”

Posted on July 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

Let’s see what’s happening on Fantasy Island this week!

Episode 5.6 “Druids/A Night In A Harem”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 14th, 1981)

Hey, Tattoo is back!

Now, interestingly enough, Tattoo is in this episode but Julie only appears for a few seconds, just long enough to tell Roarke that she will be too busy babysitting to help out with any of the fantasies this week. Considering that she’s screwed up almost everything she’s been entrusted with, I’m sure Roarke was relieved to hear this. Still, you have to wonder if there was some rule that Julie and Tattoo couldn’t be equally featured in the same episode.

Tattoo is enthused about one of the fantasies this week. Shy and nerdy Herbie Snyder (Paul Williams) wants to have a harem for the weekend so that he can build up his confidence. Tattoo offers to accompany Herbie on his fantasy but Roarke says that won’t be necessary. It turns out Herbie screwed up when he requested his fantasy and asked to be a part of a harem.

Soon, Herbie finds himself surrounded by a bunch of oily body builders as he becomes a member of an all-male harem that belongs to the Contessa (Jayne Meadows)! Herbie is not comfortable being a sex toy but he is happy to meet and fall in love with Lisa (Pat Klous), the daughter of the Contessa. Fortunately, it turns out that the Contessa has a fantasy of her own and that’s for Lisa (hey, great name!) to meet and fall in love with a good man. Herbie and Lisa even get married on Fantasy Island!

This whole fantasy was silly, with Jayne Meadows devouring the scenery as only a veteran guest star can. That said, Paul Williams and Pat Klous were a cute couple.

As for the other fantasy, Lauren Fandell (Joan Prather) wants to be the center of attention. Roarke informs her that she’s a descendant of Druid queen. It turns out that there’s some druids living on a nearby island! Lauren heads over to Druid Island and is promptly proclaimed Queen of the Druids. “Are you married? she is asked. When she says she’s not, she is proclaimed the Virgin Queen. Uhmmm, okay. Maybe that’s a druid thing but that just seems like a huge assumption to me….

Unfortunately, being the Virgin Queen means that she’s due to be sacrificed to their God, the evil Pan. Roarke shows up briefly and gives her a magic acorn necklace, which she does eventually use to distract Pan and escape with her new boyfriend, Paul (Dennis Cole).

(And yes, it does turn out that Paul was another guest whose fantasy was to study the druids.)

This was a good episode. The fantasies were entertainingly silly and Tattoo was back. We even got a little of the old Roarke/Tattoo banter, which used to be a highlight of the show. This episode, with all of its silliness and melodrama, felt like what Fantasy Island was meant to be.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.9 “The Sheik”

Posted on July 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Ponch and Jon’s attempts to keep the highways safe are endangered by a young man with a fast car, a bad attitude, and diplomatic immunity. Cue the music!

Episode 2.9 “The Shiek”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on November 18th, 1978)

The title character of this week’s episode is Barney (Kario Salem), the son of the ruler of a Middle Eastern country. Wealthy beyond belief, Barney is in the United States. He’s supposed to be studying but he spends most of his time recklessly speeding around Los Angeles in his sportscar. When Ponch and Baker pull him over, he announced that he has diplomatic immunity. When Ponch tries to reprimand Barney for putting people at risk, Barney slaps him.

Barney gets arrested but again …. diplomatic immunity! In fact, the State Department sends a representative to come down personally and ask that Barney not only be released but that Ponch and Baker apologize for inconveniencing him.

Barney subsequently invites Ponch and Jon to a party on his yacht. Ponch spends his time flirting with Barney’s assistant, Fay (Marianne Meeks). Baker struggles to hit on two French girls. But when someone passes out while on a speeding motorboat, Ponch and Jon both jump on their jet skis and save the day.

Barney, it turns out, is interested in seeing how the American police do their job. He is scheduled to return home and take over his father’s private police force. Despite the fact that it sounds like Barney will basically be rounding up and torturing political dissidents, Baker and Ponch take him on a ride along. Witnessing a real car accident and the struggle to save the lives of the people involved all leads to Barney renouncing his speeding ways. Ponch and Baker have to agree that Baney’s not such a bad guy.

This episode felt a bit strange. Instead of featuring several different storylines and rescues, the entire episode pretty much revolved around Ponch and Baker’s relationship with Barney. It’s never really made clear which country Barney is from but Ponch does mention the Shah at one point. If Barney is planning on returning to Iran, that means he’s going to return just in time for the revolution. Poor Barney.

Anyway, Barney had a nice car and the jet ski rescue was exciting. Baker was charmingly inept at speaking French. Ponch smiled a lot. It was pretty much a basic episode of CHiPs. Seen today, it’s probably most interesting as a portrayal of a pre-911 America’s attitude towards the Middle East and its leaders. Barney may have been spoiled and arrogant but ultimately, he just needed some straight-talking, no-nonsense, blue collar Americans to explain the way the world worked to him. Ponch and Baker were happy to oblige.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.19 “The Fix”

Posted on July 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Crockett and Tubbs discover a judge may be taking bribes.

Episode 2.19 “The Fix”

(Dir by Dick Miller, originally aired on March 7th, 1986)

Roger Ferguson (Bill Russell) is a powerful man in Miami. A former basketball player turned lawyer, Ferguson could have been elected mayor but instead, he chose to take an appointment to the bench. In his art deco courtroom, Judge Ferguson hands down sentences and sets bail. In fact, sometimes, he sets bail at a surprisingly low amount. After a drug lord is released on a $5,000 bond and immediately catches a plane for Colombia, Crockett and Tubbs come to suspect that the Judge might be taking bribes.

And he is! Judge Ferguson has a gambling problem and a corrupt lawyer named Benedict (Harvey Fierstein, clean-shaved but recognizable from the minute he starts to speak) is taking advantage of that fact. In fact, Ferguson is so in debt that he’s had to borrow from a notorious loan shark named Pagone (Michael Richards — yes, the future Kramer from Seinfeld). Pagone is now demanding that the judge convince his son, a basketball player named Matt (Bernard King), to throw his next game.

There were some good things about this episode. It was directed by Dick Miller and yes, that is the same Dick Miller who, as a character actor, appeared in countless Roger Corman films. As a director, Miller had a good sense of style. The opening sequence, where the Vice Squad arrests a drug lord at an aviary, is genuinely exciting and well-done. There was also some moments of genuine humor, largely supplied by the contrast between Crockett’s intensity and Tubbs’s laid-back cool.

The problem is with the casting, some of which is not entirely the show’s fault. In 1986, no one knew that casting Harvey Fierstein and Michael Richards as ruthless villains would come across as being unintentionally humorous in 2024. Richards does not give a bad performance as Pagone but, whenever he threatens the judge, he sounds just like Kramer demanding the day off for Festivus. As for Bill Russell and Bernard King, I looked them up on Wikipedia after watching the show and I was not surprised to discover that they were both actual basketball players. Both of them gave earnest performances but it was easy to see that neither one of them was a natural or a trained actor. It wasn’t quite as bad as when actual basketball players used to show up on Hang Time but still, they definitely seemed to be struggling to keep up with the veteran actors in the cast.

This is yet another episode that ends with Crockett staring in horror as someone is shot on a yacht. (In this case, it’s Judge Ferguson committing suicide after killing Pagone.) Seriously, what was the yacht budget for this show?