The Falling (1986, directed by Deran Serafian)


After a piece of the Skylab space station crashes into rural Spain, first the cows and then the wolves are infected by a cosmic virus that turns them into cannibalistic monsters.  Soon, the virus spreads to a nearby town and the villagers also start to transform into mindless flesheaters.  While NASA tries to contain the virus and keep the rest of the world from finding out, three American college students drive their RV into the village.  Damon (Dennis Christopher), Michael (Martin Hewitt), and Samantha (Lynn-Holly Johnson) soon find themselves fighting for survival as they are pursued by both the mutants and the government.  Working with a helpful scientist, they try to recover an antidote before it is too late.

Also released under the title Alien Predator, The Falling deserves a lot of  credit for knowing exactly what it is.  It’s a low budget, B-movie and it doesn’t try to convince us that it’s anything else.  As soon as I saw the red buggy that was hooked up to the book of the RV, I knew that this was going to be good.  Eventually, Michael gets in the dune buggy and gets chased around the village by the flesheaters and the movie starts to feel like an extended episode of Starsky and Hutch.  The three leads are likable, even if they are also too old to be believable college students.  Christopher makes jokes and tries to sound like James Cagney, Hewitt does a Rod Serling impersonation, and Lynn-Holly Johnson looks good while screaming.  People who watch movies like this for the gore will appreciate the exploding head scene.  All in all, The Falling is an enjoyable “bad” movie.

Retro Television Reviews: Invitation to Hell (dir by Wes Craven)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1984’s Invitation to Hell.  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

There’s one rule in life that should never be forgotten.

Any movie that opens with Susan Lucci casting a hex that causes a man’s head to explode is going to be worth watching.

That’s certainly the case with Invitation to Hell, a 1984 made-for-TV movie that casts Lucci as Jessica Jones, an insurance agent who lives and works in an upper class suburb in Southern California. Jessica not only sells insurance but she also runs the ultra-exclusive Steaming Springs Country Club! Anyone who is anyone in town is a member of Steaming Springs! Of course, joining Steaming Springs requires going through a strange ceremony in which you walk into a mist-filled room. Jessica says that the room is called “the Spring” and that it contains everything that someone would need to be happy. However, one need only consider that the film is called Invitation to Hell to guess that Jessica might not be completely honest.

Matt Winslow (Robert Urich) and his family have just moved into the suburbs. Matt’s an engineer whose job involves designing a state-of-the-art space suit. Matt is a little bit annoyed when Jessica starts pressuring him and his family to join the country club. He’s even more perturbed when his wife (Joanna Cassidy), upon returning from the mist-filled room, starts acting and dressing just like Jessica. Matt soon comes to suspect that something strange might be happening, especially after his own daughter attacks him! Fortunately, Matt’s spacesuit comes with a flame thrower, a laser, and a built-in computer that can determine whether or not someone is actually a human being. (Wearing the space helmet means viewing the world like you’re the Terminator.) Soon, it’s science vs. magic as Matt dons the suit and tries to rescue his family from country club living!

Invitation to Hell is totally ludicrous but also a lot of fun. Robert Urich is properly stolid as the hero while the film itself is, not surprisingly, stolen by Susan Lucci. Lucci is totally and wonderfully over-the-top as Jessica, playing the role with the same cheerfully unapologetic intensity that made her a daytime television star. This is a film that has a little bit for everyone — familiar television actors, flamethrowers, space suits, demonic possession, exploding cars, and even a little bit of social satire as the film suggests that living in the suburbs is a terror even without weird country clubs and chic spell casters.

Interestingly enough, this made-for-television film was directed by none other than Wes Craven! The same year that this film was broadcast, Craven directed a little film called A Nightmare on Elm Street. While Invitation to Hell might not be in the same league as that classic shocker, it’s still an enjoyably campy horror flick.

Insomnia File #58: The Haunting of Helen Walker (dir by Tom McLoughlin)


What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable or Netflix? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If you were having trouble getting to sleep last night, you could have gotten on YouTube and watched 1995’s The Haunting of Helen Walker!

What’s it about?  Read on but stop me if this sounds familiar.

In Victorian-era England, a somewhat neurotic young woman is hired to serve as the governess for two children who live in a foreboding estate. Once the governess arrives, she discovers that the children — especially little Miles — can be a handful. She also discovers that there was a governess hired before her, a governess who died under mysterious circumstances. At night, the new governess hears strange noises and soon, she becomes convinced that she’s seen the ghosts of both her predecessor and the old governess’s lover, Peter Quint. Everyone else may think that the new governess has allowed the isolation of the estate to get to her but she’s convinced that the ghosts have possessed the children! She becomes determined to save the children, even at the risk of their own lives….

If that sounds familiar, then you’ve either read Henry James’ Turn of the Screw or you’ve seen one of the several movies that were based on his novella. The Haunting of Helen Walker, which was made-for-television and initially broadcast in 1995, reimagines James’s unnamed governess as Helen Walker, an American woman played by Valerie Bertinelli. The Haunting of Helen Walker also differs from its source material in that it leaves little doubt about the fact that the ghosts are real and the children have been possessed. While the novella is deliberately unclear about whether the governess is correct or if she’s just hallucinating, The Haunting of Helen Walker has little use for such ambiguity.

Still, if you can accept the changes to the source material, The Haunting of Helen Walker is an entertaining and atmospheric ghost story. Director Tom McLoughlin doesn’t waste any time getting to the action and Christopher Guard makes for an appropriately brooding and dangerous Peter Quint. At first, it’s a bit jarring to hear Valerie Bertenelli’s American accent in what is essentially the epitome of a British ghost story but she gets better as the film progresses and she does an especially good job during the film’s dramatic climax. Finally, Diana Rigg does a great job playing the estate’s intimidating housekeeper, Mrs. Grose. She’s skeptical of Helen from the minute she arrives and the fact that Helen says she can see ghosts doesn’t do much to improve Mrs. Grose’s opinion.

In the end, this is an entertaining, if hardly definitive, take on Henry James’s novella. Having been made for 90s television, it actually has to be rather restrained in its shocks but that actually works to the film’s advantage, forcing the movie to rely on atmosphere over jump scares. The Haunting of Helen Walker is currently on YouTube and it’s fine viewing for a rainy night.

Previous Insomnia Files:

  1. Story of Mankind
  2. Stag
  3. Love Is A Gun
  4. Nina Takes A Lover
  5. Black Ice
  6. Frogs For Snakes
  7. Fair Game
  8. From The Hip
  9. Born Killers
  10. Eye For An Eye
  11. Summer Catch
  12. Beyond the Law
  13. Spring Broke
  14. Promise
  15. George Wallace
  16. Kill The Messenger
  17. The Suburbans
  18. Only The Strong
  19. Great Expectations
  20. Casual Sex?
  21. Truth
  22. Insomina
  23. Death Do Us Part
  24. A Star is Born
  25. The Winning Season
  26. Rabbit Run
  27. Remember My Name
  28. The Arrangement
  29. Day of the Animals
  30. Still of The Night
  31. Arsenal
  32. Smooth Talk
  33. The Comedian
  34. The Minus Man
  35. Donnie Brasco
  36. Punchline
  37. Evita
  38. Six: The Mark Unleashed
  39. Disclosure
  40. The Spanish Prisoner
  41. Elektra
  42. Revenge
  43. Legend
  44. Cat Run
  45. The Pyramid
  46. Enter the Ninja
  47. Downhill
  48. Malice
  49. Mystery Date
  50. Zola
  51. Ira & Abby
  52. The Next Karate Kid
  53. A Nightmare on Drug Street
  54. Jud
  55. FTA
  56. Exterminators of the Year 3000
  57. Boris Karloff: The Man Behind The Monster

Horror Film Review: Planet Dune (dir by Glenn Campbell and Tammy Klein)


Welcome to Planet Dune!

Now, don’t let the name of this 2021 film from the Asylum fool you.  Yes, the planet may be a desert.  And yes, there may be sandworms that burrow under the sand and which attack anyone foolish enough to be caught outside.  And yes, the planet is specifically referred to as being “Dune.”  Well, actually, it’s called Planet Dune but still….

That said, Planet Dune should not be mistaken for any film based on the novels of Frank Herbert.  There’s no spice.  There’s no Fremen.  There’s not intergalactic intrigue or environmental subtext.  There’s none of that nonsense with the Bene Geserits or whatever it is they were called.  There’s no Maud’Dib.  There’s no promised one.  Instead, there’s just a bunch of killer worms.  And really, that’s not so bad.  I mean, the worms are the main reason why people watch Dune, in the first place.  Planet Dune simply removed all of the extra stuff and concentrated on the worms.  Good for the Asylum!  Give the people what they want!

Planet Dune takes place in the far future.  America and Russia are rivals when it comes to conquering space.  After American Lt. Astrid (Emily Killian) defies orders and saves the life of a stranded cosmonaut, she’s put on probation and forced to command a “tug” ship.  She and her new crew are sent to Planet  Dune to rescue a previous expedition to the planet.  At first, Astrid doesn’t get along with her new crew.  They’re especially not happy when Astrid accidentally flies the tug straight into an asteroid field.  Things don’t get any better when, upon arriving on the planet, the crew is promptly attacked by the worms.  Can everyone make it back to the Tug and fly off to safety?  Will Astrid be able to resist her own addiction to — I’m not making this up — her family’s specially-brewed moonshine?  Who will make it back to the ship and what will be left of them?  It would help, of course, if Astrid could get some help but, when she requests backup, she is informed that people on probation are not sent any help, regardless of how bad the situation is.  In the future, the punishment for saving a man’s life is to be sent to a planet inhabited by killer worms.  That’s harsh!

As far as Asylum mockbusters are concerned, Planet Dune isn’t bad.  It’s actually about a hundred times better than anyone would have any reason to expect.  The film makes good use of its low-budget and the special effects are actually a bit charming in their cheapness.  It’s a bit like a live-action comic book and it’s a good deal less portentous than the official Dune movies.  It’s a fun, fast-paced movie about killer sandworms.  Really, what more could you want from a visit to Planet Dune? 

Well, how about a cameo appearance from Sean Young?  Young, of course, appeared in David Lynch’s adaptation of Dune.  In Planet Dune, she plays Astrid’s boss and gets to yell at her for defying the rules.  It’s a nice little inside joke.

Horror On The Lens: Carnival of Souls (dir by Herk Harvey)


Well, we’re nearly done with October and, traditionally, this is when all of us in the Shattered Lens Bunker gather in front of the television in Arleigh’s penthouse suite, eat popcorn, drink diet coke, and gossip about whoever has the day off.

Of course, after we do that, I duck back into my office and I watch the classic 1962 film, Carnival of Souls!

Reportedly, David Lynch is a huge fan of Carnival of Souls and, when you watch the film, it’s easy to see why.  The film follows a somewhat odd woman (played, in her one and only starring role, by Candace Hilligoss) who, after a car accident, is haunted by visions of ghostly figures.  This dream-like film was independently produced and distributed.  At the time, it didn’t get much attention but it has since been recognized as a classic and very influential horror film.

This was director Herk Harvey’s only feature film.  Before and after making this film, he specialized in making educational and industrial shorts (some of which we’ve watched on this very site), the type of films that encouraged students not to cheat on tests and employees not to take their jobs for granted.  Harvey also appears in this film, playing “The Man” who haunts Hilligoss as she travels across the country.

Enjoy Carnival of Souls!

And remember, don’t stop for any hitchhikers!

Icarus File No. 8: Plan Nine From Outer Space (dir by Edward D. Wood, Jr.)


I know, I know.

We’ve all heard the accusation.

Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worst film of all time.

Everyone says it’s true

Well, you know what? Everyone is wrong! Plan 9 From Outer Space may be a low-budget film with some …. well, awkward performances. And the script may have some odd lines. And the story might not make any sense. And yes, there’s a scene in an airplane where the doorway to the cockpit is clearly a shower curtain. And yes, the spaceships are paper plates with strings attached. And Criswell’s campy narration makes no sense. And the guy that they brought in to serve as a stand-in for Bela Lugosi was clearly too tall and too young to be credible in the role. And the whole thing about bringing the dead back to life to keep Earthlings from developing the Solarnite bomb …. well, who knows where to even start with that? And….

Wait, where was I?

Oh yeah. Plan 9 From Outer Space. It’s not that bad, I don’t care what anyone says.

Here’s the thing with Plan 9. It’s about as personal an expression of an American director’s vision as we’re ever likely to get. Ed Wood was a pacifist who wanted to end the arm races. His way of trying to spread world peace was to make a movie about aliens so concerned about mankind’s warlike tendencies that they raised the dead. Somewhat subversively, Ed Wood makes it clear that he’s on the side of the aliens from the beginning. When the alien Eros explains that humans are about to build a bomb that can blow up sunlight and destroy the universe, the humans aren’t horrified. Instead, they’re intrigued. Eros says that humans are stupid and immature. The hero of the film promptly proves Eros to be correct by punching him out.

And so, the aliens fail. Even though they brought Tor Johnson, Bela Lugosi, and Vampira back from the dead, they still fail to change the terrible path of human history. Plan 9 From Outer Space is not just a weird sci-fi film. It’s a sad-eyed plea for peace and understanding. It’s a film that possesses it’s own unique integrity, one that sets it apart from all other cheap sci-fi films.

Of course, it’s also a lot of fun to watch on Halloween. Watch it, won’t you? And remember that Ed Wood, above all else, tried his best.  Ed Wood wanted to save the world on a budget and, to do so, he made a science fiction film with his friends and he put a bunch of homemade UFOs on a string.  He also wanted to give Bela Lugosi one great role and, indeed, Plan 9 would go on to become one of Lugosi’s best-known, non-Dracula films.  Ed Wood had a lot of ambition and, in pursuing that ambition, he flew straight for the sun and dared the Solarnite bomb to take him down.  Ed may have crashed into the sea but his vision will never be forgotten.

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1956, dir by Edward D. Wood, Jr)

Previous Icarus Files:

  1. Cloud Atlas
  2. Maximum Overdrive
  3. Glass
  4. Captive State
  5. Mother!
  6. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
  7. Last Days

Cleaning out the DVR: Anna to the Infinite Power (dir by Robert Wiemer)


Curious film, this one.

In this 1983 film (which was based on a book), Anna Hart (played by Martha Byrne, a child actress who later grew up to star on a few soap operas) is a 12 year-old musical prodigy who has a hard time fitting in with normal children. She suffers from frequent headaches, especially whenever she’s near an open flame. She loses her temper quickly. She has disturbing nightmares about World War II, an event that occurred long before she was even born. Perhaps most alarmingly, she’s a compulsive shoplifter.  (Admittedly, when I was in high school, it was rare that I paid for all of the makeup that I slipped into my purse whenever I skipped school at Target.  But, then again, I was kind of a brat….) When a music teacher named Michaela DuPont (Donna Mitchell) moves in next door, she takes a curiously intense interest in Anna. She starts to give Anna lessons

Anna just happens to see a story on the news about another 12 year-old musical prodigy. She’s named Anna Smithson and, like Anna Hart, she’s the daughter of a musician and a scientist. Anna Smithson also just happens to look just like Anna Hart!

Can we say cloning?

It turns out that Anna Hart is one of five Annas, a part of an experiment to clone Anna Zimmerman. Anna Zimmerman was a musical prodigy who spent her childhood in a Nazi concentration camp and who died in a mysterious fire 20 years earlier. All five of the Annas are being raised by similar families and under similar circumstances, all in an attempt to bring Anna Zimmerman back to life. Shocked by the news, Anna struggles to figure out who she is — is she Anna Hart or is destined to grow up to be Anna Zimmerman? And, if she decides that she wants to live her own life, will she allowed to do so? How far will the scientist who cloned Anna go to protect their secrets?  And why was Anna cloned to begin with?

Anna To The Infinite Power is an odd little film. It has got more than enough conspiracies and traumatic flashbacks to qualify as a hybrid of the horror and science fiction genres but it’s also a rather unconventional coming-of-age story. Anna has to decide whether or not she’s okay with the idea of her entire life having been plotted out for her. Can Anna escape destiny?  Even if she can escape it, should she do it? It is an intriguing question and the film’s intelligent script quickly grabs your interest.

Unfortunately, the film’s direction is not as strong as the script. Visually, Anna to the Infinite Power has a bland and rather flat look. It would be easy to mistake it for a special, extended episode of an 80s television show.  (In fact, I assumed that the movie was a pilot until I looked it up on the imdb.) Still, Martha Byrne is sympathetic as the multiple Annas while character actor Jack Gilford does a good job as the scientist responsible for the experiment. It’s an intriguing film and one to keep an eye out for.

October Positivity: Thin Ice (dir by Rick Garside)


Thin Ice, a short film from 1988, tells the story of Vince (Jay Roberts, Jr.).

Vince is a college student.  He likes to party and drink and basically do all of the stuff that, if we’re going to be honest, people are supposed to be doing in college.  I mean, yes, it’s true.  College is about getting you ready to enter the adult world.  But it’s also that last chance that most students will have to truly enjoy all of the stuff that’s typically frowned upon by the adult world.  College is supposed to be a time of experimentation and Vince has certainly been experimenting!  Good for him!

His parents, of course, disagree.  When Vince comes home the winter break, his parents insist that he go to church with them.  Vince is all, “I’m too cool for church!” but he goes anyways because otherwise, he might have to stay at a hotel.  He meets some other college students at the church and he ends up getting invited on a ski trip to Lake Tahoe.  Vince loves to ski so, of course, he says yes.

Vince is stunned to discover that his new friends are actually being sincere when they say they’re Christians and he struggles to adjust to hanging out with them.  However, he soon discovers that they’re not as a weird as he thought they were.  Of course, Vince and everyone else is soon more concerned with Shawna (Amy Lyndon).  Shawna is the type of bitter atheist who always shows up in movies like this.  From the minute she first appears, she’s complaining about religion and accusing all of the members of the youth group of being hypocrites.

A good deal of the movie is literally this:

Youth Group Member: “Hey, Shawna, good morning.”

Shawna: “YOUR GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CREATING THE MORNING!”

Youth Group Member: “I think I’m going to get some skiing in, if you want to come.”

Shawna: “YOUR GOD ALLOWS TOO MANY PEOPLE TO DIE IN SKIING ACCIDENTS!”

Youth Group Member: “Okay, well, let me know if you change your mind….”

Shawna: “MY MIND BELONGS TO ME, YOU HOLLY ROLLER!”

Yes, Shawna is pretty spiteful and, most of the time, pretty annoying.  But she’s ultimately so extremely hateful that it becomes oddly fascinating to listen to her.  As a character, she really is the epitome of what most Christians think of when they think of an atheist.  She’s intolerant, angry, condescending, and self-destructive.  Admittedly, there’s quite a few atheists who are like that but there are others who simply don’t believe in God because they don’t and not because they’re angry at the world or consumed by self-loathing.  Just as secular films always seem to struggle with the idea that a normal person can go to church, Christian films can never seem to accept that some people just don’t believe in God.  Instead, the assumption is that everyone secretly believes in God but they’re just not willing to admit it.

Anyway, a character eventually falls through some thin ice (hence, the title) and nearly drowns.  This leads to everyone having a religious epiphany so I guess the lesson here is that, if you’re confused about what you believe, just wait  for a casual acquaintance to have a near death experience.

Anyway, Thin Ice is a pretty typical 80s Christian film.  It’s not quite as slickly put together as the films of the Christiano Brothers but, at the same time, it also doesn’t have the mean streak that runs through a lot of the early Christiano films.  Shawna may be an obnoxious atheist but she’s not threatened with Hell or anything like that.  For the most part, though, this is a pretty low-key and forgettable film.  It’s a bit of a time capsule of the time in which it was made but otherwise, Thin Ice is almost as forgettable as an ice cube melting in the summer.

Horror Film Review: Angel Heart (dir by Alan Parker)


First released in 1987 and set in 1955, Angel Heart tells the story of Harry Angel (Mickey Rourke).

With a name like Harry Angel, it’s perhaps not surprising that Harry is a private investigator.  Harry operates out of New York.  He’s got a shabby apartment.  He wears wrinkled clothes.  He rarely shaves.  He smokes almost constantly.  (In a rare moment of comedy, the camera catches Harry blithely emptying a full ashtray in the middle of the street.)  Harry looks like he reeks of tobacco, beer, sweat, and lost dreams.  And yet, it’s difficult not to like Harry.  He’s got a charming smile, even if his face is often bruised from his latest beating.  He speaks in a low whisper and it’s hard not to get the feeling that Harry is actually kind of shy.  He’s incredibly sleazy but there’s something about him that just makes the viewer want to take care of him.

Harry is hired by a mysterious man named Louis Cyphere (Robert De Niro, cheerfully overacting).  Louis wants Harry to track down a singer named Johnny Favor.  As Cyphere explains it, he did a favor for Johnny and Johnny has yet to pay Cyphere what he owes.  Johnny has been suffering from PTSD ever since he served in World War II.  When last seen, Johnny was receiving electroshock treatment in an upstate hospital.

Harry’s search for Johnny leads him into an increasingly complex and disturbing conspiracy.  He meets a doctor who is addicted to morphine and, when the doctor turns up dead, Harry coolly uses the dead man’s shoe to light his match.  Eventually, Harry’s investigation leads him to New Orleans, where he meets both Johnny’s wife (Charlotte Rampling) and Johnny’s unacknowledged daughter, Epiphany (Lisa Bonet).  As Harry searches for Johnny, he deals with strange visions of his own mysterious past.  He sees himself wandering around Times Square shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor.  Harry also finds himself having to deal with the fact that almost everyone that he talks to ends up being brutally murdered.  Every time that Harry tries to quit the case, Cyphere offers him more money.  (Cyphere tends to show up whenever Harry finds himself on the verge of abandoning his search.)

Angel Heart moves at its own deliberate pace.  In fact, the first hour can feel a bit slow but that first hour definitely pays off during the second half of the film.  By the time that Harry starts to truly uncover what has happened to Johnny, the audience actually cares about Harry and is actually worried about what’s going to happen to him when he reaches the end of the case.  Mickey Rourke was (and is) an eccentric actor but he’s at his most effective in Angel Heart.  A lesser actor would have just played Harry as being a typical hardboiled detective.  Rourke plays Harry as being a lost soul, a vulnerable man who is often as confused and scared as the people that he’s looking for.  By the end of the film, Harry realizes that the answer to the mystery was right in front of them and his look of despair is surprisingly powerful.  If De Niro gives a good performance that is almost totally on the surface, Rourke gives the type of performance that allows the audience to explore what’s going on beneath the surface of a character who many would initially view as being a cliché.  Mickey Rourke’s Harry Angel is right up there with Bogart’s Sam Spade and Jack Nicholson’s Jake Gittes.  He’s a familiar character who also seems to be a human being.

Full of sex, violence, and increasingly disturbing imagery, Angel Heart is not for everyone.  Alan Parker’s direction emphasizes the darkness of Harry’s world and the bleakness of his situation.  The film ends with a twist that may not be totally unexpected but which is still undeniably disturbing.  The more you think about it, the most disturbing it gets.  Angel Heart is an atmospheric and intelligent chiller.  It’s existential horror at its most nightmarish.

The TSL’s Horror Grindhouse: Teenage Caveman (dir by Roger Corman)


Who is the Teenage Caveman?

Believe it or not, he’s Robert Vaughn.  Vaughn, who would later go on to appear in The Magnificent Seven, The Man From UNCLE, Bullitt, The Towering Inferno, and Hustle, was 26 years old when he played a nameless caveman in Roger Corman’s 1958 film, Teenage Caveman.  At the age of 26, Vaughn looked like he was closer to 35 and he certainly didn’t resemble a teenager.  Despite wearing a loin cloth, he also didn’t appear to be a caveman.  If he was a caveman than he was certainly a well-groomed caveman and perhaps the only caveman to understand how to use hairspray.  Seriously, his hair is perfect in this film.

As for the film itself, it’s about a primitive tribe of people who live in a rocky wasteland.  However, just across the river, there’s a land that’s full of plants and animals.  It would obviously be a much better place to live and Vaughn’s teenage caveman is totally annoyed that the older folks on the tribe refuse to cross the river.  They claim that a monster lives in the river and that it will kill anyone who tries to cross.  Being a rebellious teenager, Vaughn decides to cross the river anyway.  He convinces a group of friends to go with him.  When they reach the river, they meet and fight the monster and they also discover that the monster was doing more than just guarding the river.  It all leads to a plot twist that feels as if it was added at the last possible second.

In a later interview, Robert Vaughn referred to Teenage Caveman as being the worst film in which he ever appeared.  He went on to suggest that it was the worst film ever made.  Those are bold words coming from someone who appeared in as many bad films as Robert Vaughn did.  That said, I do think that Vaughn was being a bit too hard on Teenage Caveman.  For what it is — an extremely low-budget film that barely runs over an hour — Teenage Caveman is entertaining if you’re in the right mood for it.  It’s hard not to smile at the cavepeople, with their modern haircuts and their very American accents.  As well, the film features the same stock footage of dinosaurs fighting that appeared in countless other B-movies of the time and, again, it’s hard not to smile at the actors valiantly trying to pretend that there are dinosaurs fighting just a few feet away from them.  And while that final plot twist may come out of nowhere, it’s just random enough to be interesting.  Worst film of all time?  With all respect to the teenage caveman, I have to disagree.  It’s a B-movie and, if you enjoy B-movies, you’ll enjoy this one.  And let’s give some credit to Robert Vaughn.  He gives an earnest performance, even though he later said that he felt foolish every time he stepped out on the set.  Add to that, his hair is perfect.