8 Shots From 8 Films: Special Dario Argento Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to one our favorite directors, the great Dario Argento!  It’s time for….

8 Shots from 8 Dario Argento Films

The Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Vittorio Storaro)

Deep Red (1975, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luigi Kuveiller)

Suspiria (1977, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tovoli)

Inferno (1980, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Romana Albani)

Tenebrae (1982, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tovoli)

Phenomena (1985, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Romano Albani)

The Stendhal Syndrome (1996, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Giuseppe Rotunno)

Sleepless (2001, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Ronnie Taylor)

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island (dir by Richard Lang)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Ah, Fantasy Island!

There have been several versions of Fantasy Island.  In the late 90s, there was a version that featured Malcolm McDowell as the somewhat aloof owner of the island.  More recently, there was a movie that featured Michael Pena as the owner of the Island and which tried to turn the whole thing into a horror franchise.  It wasn’t very good.  And right now, there’s a show on Fox that features Roselyn Sanchez as the grand niece of the island’s original owner.  The Fox series is about to start its second season.  It’s a bit silly, which is why I kind of love it.

And then there’s the Fantasy Island that started it all, the Aaron Spelling-produced series that ran from 1977 to 1984 on ABC and which has lived on in reruns and on streaming platforms like Tubi.  Both the original series and all of its subsequent spin-offs took place on a mysterious tropical island where people would pay to live out their fantasies.  In the original series, the island was run by Mr. Roarke (Ricardo Montalban), who wore a white suit and encouraged everyone to smile whenever the guests arrived.  Serving as Mr. Roarke’s second-in-command was Tattoo (Herve Villechaize), who was 3’11, always wore a matching white suit, and announced the arrival of the plane by ringing a bell and shouting, “The plane, the plane!”  Of course, each week would bring in a different group of guest stars.  They would come to the island with a fantasy and, hopefully, they would learn that reality was the only fantasy that they needed.

All seven seasons of the original Fantasy Island are currently streaming on Tubi.  However, if you want to see the 1977 pilot film that started it all, you have to go to YouTube.

In many ways, the 90-minute pilot film feels like a typical episode of Fantasy Island.  It’s interesting to see that the show’s basic premise and format was already set in stone when the pilot was filmed.  (Pilots are notorious for often being dramatically different from the shows that they were created to sell.)  The pilot opens with the plane arriving (and yes, from the start, Tattoo rings the bell and shouts, “The plane!”) and three guests meeting Mr. Roarke.  Our three guest stars are Bill Bixby, Hugh O’Brian, and Eleanor Parker.  Bixby plays Arnold Greenwood, a former war correspondent who wants to be reunited with Francesca (Sandra Dee), the woman with whom he fell in love during World War II.  O’Brian is Paul, a famous big game hunter who wants to be hunted for once.  Eleanor Parker is Eunice Hollander Barnes, one of the world’s richest women.  She wants to fake her death so she can see who, from her life, would actually mourn her and who would just try to steal her fortune.

If the pilot’s format is the same as the series that followed, the general tone is somewhat different.  Mr. Roarke is an almost sinister figure, one who doesn’t really seem to think much of his guests and who is quick to point out that no one gets a fantasy until they’ve paid him the required $50,000.  (That’s $50,000 in 1970s money.  I have to admit that when Mr. Roarke first mentioned how much the fantasies cost, I was like, “Hey, I could afford this place!”)

Consider the story of the hunter.  Paul wants to be hunted because he’s suicidal.  His real fantasy is to die.  The night before Paul’s fantasy is to begin, Michelle (Victoria Principal) shows up at Paul’s room.  Michelle explains that Mr. Roarke has hired her to provide Paul with companionship during the night.  Unfortunately, Michelle ends up handcuffed to Paul and, as a result, she’s hunted along with him!  Now, you could argue that Mr. Roarke did this to teach Paul to think about someone other than himself.  But what if Paul hadn’t learned the lesson?  Then Michelle would be dead too!  What would Mr. Roarke do then?  Just have Tattoo dump the bodies in the lagoon?  “To hell with you, Roarke!” Paul yells and who can blame him?

And then there’s our war correspondent, Arnold.  Arnold’s fantasy seems simple enough but then it turns out that the reason he lost contact with Francesca is because he murdered her!  As a result of his fantasy, Arnold not only relives the first time he met Francesca but also how their relationship ended.  The entire experience leaves Arnold laughing like a madman as his sanity slips away.

As for Eunice’s story, it’s pretty stupid.  She dresses up like a maid so that she can listen to what people have to say about her once they think she’s dead.  It’s like an episode of Undercover Boss.  At least former Kennedy in-law Peter Lawford makes an appearance as Eunice’s husband.  Eunice ends up far less traumatized than either Paul or Arnold but she still had to fake her death to come to peace with her life.

The pilot is entertaining.  One can understand why it would lead to a series.  The island is lovely to look at.  Even with the somewhat sinister tone of two of the stories, it’s still impossible to watch the pilot without wondering what type of fantasy you would pursue if you went to the Island.  For me, that’s always been the main appeal of all of the various versions of Fantasy Island.  Still, it’s interesting that the fantasies themselves are less comforting than what I think many would expect on account of the show’s reputation.  For all the criticism that Blumhouse received for their reinterpretation of Fantasy Island, they were not the first to imagine Mr. Roarke as being somewhat less than benevolent.  Of course, when the actual series started, Mr. Roarke was a far friendlier host.

Next week, the series begins and hopefully, no further guests are traumatized to the point of catatonia.

Retro Television Review: Hang Time 1.1 “The Pilot” and 1.2 “Trouble in Paradise”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Hang Time!  I’ll always remember my friends at Hang Time!

Imagine California Dreams if it took place in Indiana and if, instead of music, everyone was obsessed with basketball.  That’s Hang Time!

Produced by Peter Engel, Hang Time followed the adventures of the Deering High School basketball team.  Somewhat notoriously, the cast regularly changed from season to season, with only two members of the cast sticking with the show for every season.  The first season featured:

David Hanson as Chris Atwater, the star of Deering High’s basketball team,

Daniella Deutscher as Julie Connor, the newest member of the team,

Chad Gabriel as Danny Mellon, the quirky member of the team who had a crush on Julie,

Megan Parlen as Mary Beth Pepperton, the materialistic head cheerleader who was dating Chris,

Robert Michael Ryan as Earl Hatfield, the dumb country boy who loved basketball and worked as a mall security guard,

Christian Belanvis as Michael Maxwell, who had a lot of talent and an ego to match,

Hillary Tuck as Samantha Morton, the hyper organized team manager,

and

Reggie Theus as Bill Fuller, a former pro player who returned to his old high school to coach the team.

Season one of Hang Time also had an absolutely horrid theme song, one that was luckily abandoned after the season ended.

Episode 1.1 “The Pilot”

(Directed by Howard Murray, Originally aired on September 9th, 1995)

Oh my God, this was bad….

I mean, pilots are usually bad because the characters aren’t as nuanced as they will later be and the initial storyline usually tries to hard to establish everyone’s role in the show’s hierarchy.  Veteran retro television viewers know better than to expect anything good from an episode with the dreaded title of “The Pilot.”

That said, the pilot of Hang Time was really, really bad.  The show itself was never exactly good but it did eventually develop an oft-kilter charm.  But none of that charm is present in the first episode of the show.

Julie Connor (Daniella Deutscher) transfers to Deering High and tries out for the school’s basketball team.  A girl playing basketball!?  GASP!  Anyway, Julie turns out to be a slightly above average basketball player and wins a place on the team and …. well, that’s about it.  It would probably seem like more of an accomplishment if it appeared that there was any real competition when it came to getting on the team.  Instead, only a handful of people seem to be interested in playing basketball and at least a few of them seem to be …. well, kind of short.

I understand that Reggie Theus was a former basketball player-turned-actor.  Judging from this pilot, as an actor, he was a very good athlete.

Episode 1.2 “Trouble in Paradise”

(Directed by Howard Murray, Originally aired on September 16th, 1995)

“You should be home, baking a Cake!” a drunk basketball fan yells at Julie when she and Chris attend a pro basketball game.  Julie challenges the jerk to a game.  Chris tries to maintain calm.  Unfortunately, it gets both Julie and Chris on TV, which leads to Mary Beth and Danny getting jealous.

Bleh.  This was a dumb episode.  Mary Beth, who doesn’t care about basketball, was the only character to whom I could relate.

The first two episodes of Hang Time felt like California Dreams, without the music.  Hang Time would eventually develop a style of its own, with Megan Parlen especially proving herself to be a capable comedic actress.  But that style really isn’t present in much of the first season.

Next week: The Deering Tornadoes finally play a game!

8 Shots From 8 Films: Special Werner Herzog Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to one our favorite directors, the great Werner Herzog!  It’s time for….

8 Shots From 8 Werner Herzog Films

Fata Morgana (1971, dir by Werner Herzog, DP: Jörg Schmidt-Reitwein)

Aguirre The Wrath of God (1972, dir by Werner Herzog. DP: Thomas Mauch)

The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser (1974, dir by Werner Herzog, DP: Jörg Schmidt-Reitwein)

Heart of Glass (1976, dir by Werner Herzog, DP: Jörg Schmidt-Reitwein)

Stroszek (1977, dir by Werner Herzog, DP: Thomas Mauch)

Nosferatu The Vampyre (1979, dir by Werner Herzog, DP: Jörg Schmidt-Reitwein)

Fitzcarraldo (1982, dir by Werner Herzog, DP: Thomas Mauch)

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2009, dir by Werner Herzog, DP: Peter Zeitlinger)

Monday Live Tweet Alert: Join Us For Downdraft and Rollerball!


As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in hosting a few weekly live tweets on twitter.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #MondayActionMovie, we are watching 1996’s Downdraft!  Selected and hosted by @RevMagdalen, Downdraft stars Vincent Spano and Kate Vernon in a story about computers and the damage that they do!  While the trailer below is in German, the film itself is Canadian.  That’s how you know it’s going to be good!

Following #MondayActionMovie, I will be filling in for my friends Brad and Sierra (who are on vacation this week) and guest hosting the #MondayMuggers live tweet.  We will be watching the original Rollerball, starring the great James Caan as a future athlete who is forced to choose between the comfort of selling out or the freedom of …. well, freedom.  It’s a classic sci-fi film, one that is more relevant today than ever.  We start at 10 pm et.  Here’s the trailer:

It should be fun and I invite all of you to join in.  If you want to join us, just hop onto twitter, start Downdraft at 8 pm et, and use the #MondayActionMovie hashtag!  Then, at 10 pm et, start Rollerball and use the #MondayMuggers hashtag!  I’ll be there tweeting and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well.  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.  And reviews of these films will probably end up on this site at some point this week.

Downdraft can be found on YouTube while Rollerball is available on both Prime and Tubi!

Enjoy!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Review: 8/29/22 — 9/04/22


There I was, relaxing out by my uncle’s pool in my American flag bikini when, suddenly, the biggest and most violent thunderstorm in the world came along and I had to go running inside while thunder rumbled and lightning flashed all around me.  It was a two and a half minute run and I still ended up getting totally soaked.

That’s how my Labor Day weekend is going!

But no matter.  It’s been a good week.  This week, I finally started posting my Retro Television Reviews, which is something that I’ve been meaning to do for several months now.  We’ll see how it goes!  And, of course, October is right around the corner!  I know I’ve been saying this a lot but I just can’t wait for this year’s Horrorthon!

Here’s what I watched, read, and listened to this week!

Films I Watched:

  1. Await Further Instructions (2018)
  2. Breakout (1975)
  3. The Burning (1981)
  4. City Killer (1984)
  5. Elvis (2022)
  6. Fantasy Island (1977)
  7. Fistful of Yen (1977)
  8. Flesh Feast (1970)
  9. Gong Shou Dao (2017)
  10. Kung Fury (2015)
  11. Never Surrender: A Galaxy Quest Documentary (2019)
  12. Zero Tolerance (1994)

Television Shows I Watched:

  1. The Bachelorette
  2. Big Brother
  3. California Dreams
  4. The Challenge
  5. City Guys
  6. Dynaman
  7. Hang Time
  8. Inspector Lewis
  9. The Love Boat
  10. Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butt-Head
  11. Night Flight
  12. The Office
  13. One World

Books I Read:

  1. Brightness Falls (1992) by Jay McInerney
  2. The Good Life (2006) by Jay McInerney

Music To Which I Listened:

  1. Adi Ulmansky
  2. Ava Max
  3. Avril Lavigne
  4. Big Data
  5. The Black Keys
  6. Britney Spears
  7. The Chemical Brothers
  8. Coldplay
  9. Commodores
  10. Falco
  11. Imagine Dragons
  12. Kid Rock
  13. The Killers
  14. Lindsay Lohan
  15. Lorde
  16. Lynard Skynard
  17. Moby
  18. Muse
  19. Panic! At the Disco
  20. Peter Schilling
  21. Saint Motel
  22. Taylor Swift
  23. Tove Lo
  24. White Stripes

Trailers:

  1. Dead For A Dollar
  2. Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey
  3. The Son
  4. Weird

Live Tweets:

  1. Zero Tolerance
  2. Never Surrender: A Galaxy Quest Documentary
  3. Await Further Instructions

News From Last Week:

  1. Actress and model Charlbi Dean Dies at 32
  2. Literary Agent Sterling Lord Dies at 102
  3. Underground artist Diane Noomin Dies At 75
  4. Months after that slap, Chris Rock says he turned down hosting the Oscars next year
  5. Brendan Gleeson Joins Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga in ‘Joker: Folie à Deux’
  6. Cate Blanchett’s ‘Tár’ Earns Ecstatic 6-Minute Standing Ovation in Venice, Generating Instant Oscar Buzz
  7. Alejandro G. Iñárritu Gets Teary-Eyed as Three-Hour ‘Bardo’ Nabs Four-Minute Standing Ovation in Venice
  8. Lindsay Lohan to Star in Netflix Rom-Com ‘Irish Wish’
  9. Rob Schneider Says Kate McKinnon’s Mournful Rendition of ‘Hallelujah’ as Hillary Clinton Is When He Realized SNL Was ‘Over’

Links From Last Week:

  1. Insert Name Minifest 2022
  2. The Last Temptation Of Tedward : Josh Pettinger’s “Power Wash”
  3. Structurally Sound : David Craig’s “Curse Of Brick”
  4. The Inspiring “Shawshank Redemption!” Stephen King’s Novella Is Voted #3 Greatest Film Ever!
  5. The World’s Common Tater’s Week in Books, Movies, and TV 9/2/22
  6. A Note to Readers: Full Disclosure (Awards Daily)
  7. Shane Gillis is going places

Links From The Site:

  1. I reviewed City Killer and episodes of California Dreams, One World, and City Guys!  I also reviewed Toomorrow, Elvis and Book Him!
  2. I shared a music video from Avril Lavigne and my week television!  I also shared an AMV of the Day!  I shared 12 Things that I’m Looking Forward to September and my August Oscar Predictions!  I shared a scene from The French Connection!
  3. Leonard shared the trailers for Weird and the new Winnie the Pooh horror film!
  4. Jeff shared music videos from Billy Idol, Weird Al Yankovic, Midnight Moscow, Queensryche, Rush, and Metallica!
  5. Erin shared Cosmic Science Fiction, Fantastic Adventures, The Body Snatchers, Second Ending, The Back Yard On A September Day, Del’s Charcoal Burgers, A Place to Hide, and Standing Behind The Waterfall!  She also shared the pin-up art of Billy DeVorss!

More From Us:

  1. At her photography site, Erin shared Squirrel, Sunset, Glitz, Clouds 5, Clouds 6, Clouds 7, and Clouds 8!
  2. At Pop Politics, Jeff shared Decline, About Alaska, RIP Mikhail Gorbachev, Frankenstein’s Monster Meets Spider-Man, and Happy Birthday Elliott Gould!
  3. At my music site, I shared songs from Muse, The Killers, The Black Keys, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Coldplay, and Avril Lavigne!
  4. I wrote about Big Brother for the Big Brother Blog!
  5. At Reality TV Chat Blog, I shared Week 8 Veto Meeting Results, Set In Stone, It’s Time To Open Up The Diary Room For Week 8, About Tonight’s Eviction, Week 9 Nominations, and Week 9 Veto Results!
  6. At my online dream journal, I shared Last Night’s Searching A Warehouse with Larisa And Her Man Dream, Last Night’s Interrupted Party Dream, Last Night’s Fragment of a Dream, Last Night’s Watching A Movie While In The Shower Dream, Last Night’s Invasion of the Cats Dream, Last Night’s Weird Trivia Dream, and Last Night’s Dance Class Dream!  Feel free to let me know what it all means!
  7. At SyFy Designs, I shared Get Out There and Celebrate and Tired, I Am!
  8. For Horror Critic, I reviewed The Day Time Ended!

Want to see what I did last week?  Click here!

Retro Television Review: City Killer (dir by Robert Michael Lewis)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1984’s City Killer.  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

Leo Kalb (Terrence Knox) has come to Chicago.  In many ways, Leo would appear to have a lot going for him.  He’s intelligent.  He’s reasonably good looking.  He served honorably in the military.  Despite his intelligence, he comes across as being a bit of an innocent in the big city.  He’s got a good job, working as an electrician.  It might not be glamorous work but there’s always something appealing about a man who knows how to work with his hands.

Unfortunately, all of those appealing qualities are negated by the fact that Leo’s a loon.  The main reason he’s come to Chicago is to stalk Andrea McKnight (Heather Locklear).  The main reason that Andrea moved to Chicago was to get away from Leo.  Like Leo, Andrea has found some success in Chicago but that’s all turned upside down when Leo calls her and says that he wants to get back together.  Andrea doesn’t want anything to do with Leo so Leo starts blowing up buildings.

That’s right, he starts blowing up buildings.  He also announces that he wants the city of Chicago to pay him an exorbitant amount of money.  He wants a helicopter to fly him to the airport.  He wants to take an airplane to South America, where his bomb-building skills will presumably be put to good use by the The Shining Path.  And he wants Andrea to come with him.  As become clear, the money and the plane are really just red herrings.  Mostly, he just wants Andrea.  The press calls him the Love Bomber.

Lt. Eckford (Gerald McRaney) is assigned to try to negotiate with Leo and also to keep an eye on Andrea.  Needless to say, Andrea takes one look at Lt. Eckford’s powerful mustache and she starts to fall in love with him.  Eckford, meanwhile, starts to fall Andrea, even though he’s a bit older than her and there’s a paternal element to the way that he talks to her that just makes the whole thing feel kind of icky.  (That said, if a mad bomber is blowing up the city just because you won’t date him, it’s perhaps understandable that you would fall for the first person who could not only provide protection but who also didn’t try to make you feel guilty about what was going on.)  Leo senses that Andrea and Eckford are falling in love and he becomes determined to blow up even more stuff.

City Killer is a bit of ridiculous film.  The main problem is that the viewer is asked to believe that, even though Leo is the most wanted man in Chicago and is dominating all the headlines, he could still safely wander around the city and wire building to explode without anyone noticing.  The film presents itself as being a police procedural but one gets the feeling that police must be incredibly incompetent for Leo to successfully blow up so many buildings.  That said, Gerald McRaney is a properly sturdy hero and Terrence Knox is convincingly unhinged as Leo, begging Andrea to love him even while threatening to blow up the very building on which she’s standing.  Heather Locklear doesn’t got to do much, other than answer the phone and look upset whenever a building explodes, but she does it well.  As a veteran TV actress, she knew how to embrace the melodrama and, when you’re appearing in a film like City Killer, that’s the best thing you can do.

Music Video of the Day: Bois Lie by Avril Lavigne, feat. Machine Gun Kelly (2022, dir by Nathan James)


Yay!  Avril’s back!  The song is called Bois Lie and it’s about how boys lie.  But Machine Gun Kelly says that girls lie too.  One good thing about being a star is that you can still get away with singing songs like this even when you’re nearly 40.

As for this video, it was shot during Machine Gun Kelly’s Mainstream Sellout Tour.  This is one of those “look how much fun we have on tour” videos.  To be honest, both the song and the video have kind of a Degrassi feel to it.  So, if you ever wondered what it was like when Ashley and Craig went on tour together, this video is probably a good indication.  Of course, I imagine Ashley and Craig would end the performance by having a massive fight onstage and breaking up every night.

Enjoy!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 8/28/22 — 9/03/22


I spent most of this week watching old TNBC shows from the 90s.  That was my choice and stand by it.

Allo Allo (PBS, Sunday Night)

Michelle needed to send microfilm to London and the cafe needed to prepare for a parade.  Meanwhile, with the outcome of the war now becoming obvious, the Germans made plans to assassinate Hitler and escape from France.

PBS is currently showing the final episodes of Allo Allo.  There’s only two episodes left and, to be honest, it’s kind of obvious that the show itself was more than ready to be wrapped up by the time it started its 9th series.  Watching this week’s episode, it was hard to shake the feeling that everyone appeared to have just been going through the motions.  (I recently read that Gorden Kaye, who played Rene, was recovering from a serious car accident, which perhaps explains why he seems a bit more subdued than usual.)  Still, Officer Crabtree’s “Good moaning” will always make me laugh, as will Michelle’s “I shall say this only once.”

The Bachelorette (ABC, Monday Night)

The men tell all!

They didn’t tell enough as far as I’m concerned.  They should have just sent all the other men home and interviewed Meatball for two hours.

Big Brother (CBS and Paramount+, Everyday)

I’ve been writing about Big Brother at the Big Brother Blog!  This week, Kyle was voted out after having his game exposed by Michael and Brittany.  Because Kyle’s plan was to target all of the black players because he was convinced they were going to form their own Cookout-style alliance, Kyle was worried that he would be booed when he left the house.  I’m not sure if the audience booed him or not.  It actually sounded like production abruptly turned off the audience microphones as soon as Kyle stepped through the front door.  Julie Chen Moonves got to pretend that she was a serious journalist during her seven-minute exit interview with Kyle.  Then Julie cheerfully announced that Zingbot would be on Sunday’s show.

California Dreams (YouTube)

This week, I watched and reviewed 18 episodes of California Dreams.  You can read the first of those reviews here!

The Challenge (CBS, Wednesday Night)

Tyson and Enzo survived another week, so I’m happy.

City Guys (Tubi)

I watched 19 episodes of City Guys this week and I wrote and scheduled reviews of all of them.  You can read the first two by clicking here!

Full House (MeTV, Sunday Evening)

Uncle Jesse decided to skip the Tanner Family Reunion because he needed to work on a song.  Michelle got mad and, as usual, everyone had to rearrange their lives to placate that demented little troll doll.  “Uncle Jesse’s not nice nice anymore!” Michelle said.  No, Uncle Jesse has a job because he’s a freaking adult.  Considering that Jesse has spent the majority of the show either mooching off Danny or Becky, everyone should have been encouraging him to actually do some work on his own for once.

This was followed by a terrifying episode in which Joey auditioned for a children’s show with the help of a big chipmunk doll.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I have been watching episode of this show and scheduling reviews.  Look for my review of the first two episodes on Monday!  The main thing that I’ve learned from watching Hang Time is that I don’t know a thing about basketball.

Inspector Lewis (YouTube)

On Wednesday, I watched another episode of Inspector Lewis.  Lewis and Hathaway were investigating a series of murders surrounding a fake medium.  Hathaway spent most of the show wearing a neck brace and contemplating the mysteries of existence.  Lewis, as usual, was much more pragmantic in his approach.

The Office (Weekday Evening, FaveTV)

I watched two episodes on Wednesday.  First, I watched the second part of the episode in which Pam and Jim got married in Niagara.  This was followed by the notoriously silly episode in which Michael became convinced that a pushy insurance agent was a member of the Mafia.

One World (Tubi)

I watched and reviewed 18 episodes of One World this week!  You can read the first of those reviews by clicking here!

Open All Hours (PBS, Sunday Night)

Granville threatened to go back to school so Arkwright locked him in the cellar.

Retro Television Reviews: California Dreams 1.1 “Battle of the Bands” and 1.2 “Beat of His Own Drum”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing California Dreams, which ran on NBC from 1992 to 1996.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

In 1992, with Saved By The Bell coming to a close, Peter Engel attempted to duplicate that show’s magic with California Dreams!  The story of a bunch of teens who start their own band, California Dreams was basically Saved By The Bell if every episode had centered around the Zack Attack.

The first season of California Dreams centered around Matt Garrison (Brent Gore) and his younger sister, Jenny (Heidi Noelle Lenhart).  Matt played guitar and was the band’s lead singer.  Jenny played keyboards and sang.  Tiffani (Kelly Packard) was the surfer who played bass.  Tony (William James Jones) played drums.  Sly Winkle (Michael Cade) managed the band.  Mr. Garrison (Michael Cutt) and Mrs. Garrison (Gail Ramey) supported Matt’s ambitions.  The youngest Garrison child was Dennis (Ryan O’Neill).  The Garrisons were a pretty boring family and they would be phased out after this season.

Now, sing it….

Episode 1.1 “Battle of the Bands”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 12th, 1992)

The story of California’s blandest garage band got its start with a simple episode about a Battle of the Bands.  As the episode begins, California Dreams has already been formed and apparently already has fans.  We’re starting in medias res and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that.  In fact …. wait a minute!  Where’s Jake!?  Where’s Sam!?  Where’s Mark Winkle?  WHERE’S LORENA!?

(Lorena is the character to whom I always relate.)

Sorry, none of those characters are present in season one.  Of the classic California Dreams line-up, only Sly, Tony, and Tiffani were present at the start and, during the first season, all three of them were overshadowed by the Garrisons.  Though it’s easy to forget, the band was originally formed by Matt Garrison and his younger sister, Jenny.  Matt Garrison is quick to tell everyone that he’s rock and roll.  In this episode, he talks about how much he loves obscure bands like The Beatles and U2.  I wonder if he’s ever heard of the Beach Boys.  Needless to say, without Jake and Lorena, the first season of California Dreams is pretty bland.

Anyway, in this episode, the California Dreams enter a Battle of the Bands contest but they find themselves competing against their hated rivals, Bradley and the Billionaires.  We don’t get to hear Bradley’s music but the band looks pretty sharp in their old club jackets.  GO BRADLEY!  When the Battle of the Bands ends in a tie, this means that California Dreams and the Billionaires will be competing in a run-off for …. well, I’m not sure what the prize is.  Probably an Applebee’s gift card or something.

(Actually, I just rewatched the episode.  The prize was $500, the majority of which would probably be spent at Applebee’s.)

Sly decides that Matt should date one of the judges, Angela.  Matt doesn’t think that he and Angela have anything in common but then Angela reveals that she also likes the Beatles.  ANOTHER BEATLES FAN IN CALIFORNIA!?  WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!?  Can Matt tell her the truth about why he asked her out and still win the contest?  Who cares?  Bradley is clearly a better musician.  That said, the Dreams win the contest because the show is named after them.  Angela forgives Matt after he gives her tickets to a big concert.  “Beethoven!” Angela says, looking at the tickets.  Sweetie, he’s not actually going to be there.

Meanwhile, Tony decides to get an earring but freaks out when he sees the needle.  Wimp.

Episode 1.2 “Beat Of His Own Drum”

(Directed by Don Barnhart, originally aired on September 19th, 1992)

Tony has finally written a song that he’s proud of but it turns out that his father doesn’t care about the band.  So, Tony tries to win his father’s love by dropping out of the band and playing football.  Eventually, Tony fakes an injury to get out of playing football and rejoins the band.

Meanwhile, Matt’s creepy little brother develops a crush on Tiffani.  It’s extremely awkward and uncomfortable to watch.

It all works out in the end.  Tony’s dad begrudgingly comes to a California Dreams performance and sees Tony perform his song.  While Tony sings, we get to see a music video that I guess is supposed to be taking place in Tony’s head.  Tony sings and dances with an umbrella while Matt hops around in a green suit and Jenny poses with two ventriloquist dummies.  It’s the type of thing that makes O-Town look edgy.  But no matter!  Tony wins his father’s support.  Yay!