Author Archives: Lisa Marie Bowman

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.27 and 28 “Country Music Jamboree”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the Love Boat goes a little bit country.

Episodes 6.27 and 6.28 “Country Music Jamboree”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on April 30th, 1983)

It’s the special, two-hour country music cruise!

I have to admit that I lost interest in this episode as soon as I saw the banner in the Love Boat lobby that read “County Music Jamboree.”  Country music’s not my thing.  I lost even more interest when Florence Henderson showed up as country singer Annabelle Folker.  Florence Henderson was a frequent guest on both Fantasy Island and The Love Boat and I can’t think of a single time that I was ever happy to see her name in the credits.  Whenever she appeared, she almost always seemed like she was trying too hard.  Her performances always brought to mind dinner theater and holiday special guest spots.

Annabelle was traveling with her boyfriend (Bert Convy) and the three orphans (Michael Evans, Angela Lee Sloan, and Neil Billingsley) that she was planning on adopting.  The problem was that her boyfriend didn’t want to adopt the kids.  But then, he changed his mind because the show was nearly over and the storyline needed a happy ending.  Seriously, the kids were obnoxious as Hell.

While that went on, singer Holly Hartmann (Jessica Walter) was upset to discover that her husband (Mel Tillis) was secretly writing songs for an up-and-coming singer named C.G. Thomas (Tanya Tucker).  Holly was not happy when she found out but then she sang Stand By Your Man and that solved everything.

The Love Boat chef (Pat Buttram) was upset that his kitchen implements kept disappearing.  That’s because Isaac, Doc, Gopher, and Julie were stealing them so that they could form a country-western band.  Meanwhile, two fat people (Kenny Price and Lulu Roman)  boarded the boat and never stopped eating.

(Don’t give me that look, I didn’t write the script.)

Effie Skaggs (Minnie Pearl) sold homemade elixirs from her cabin while Doc attempted to romance her granddaughter (Misty Rowe).  When Effie got sick, she refused to accept any of Doc’s strange modern medicine.  No antibiotics for Effie Skaggs!

Jeannie Davis (Beth Howland) feared that her husband (Steve Kanaly) would learn that her latest piece of jewelry was given to her by a man with whom she had an affair.  A jewelry appraiser (Sherman Hemsley) insisted on finding out how much the jewelry was worth.  Jeannie feared that her husband would suspect something was amiss when he discovered how expensive it really was.  She begged the appraiser to lie about how much it was worth.  The appraiser said that he could not risk damaging his reputation but then he decided to lie anyway.

Gopher and Isaac tried to get a picture with Dottie West (a singer who played herself) but Dottie just wanted to rest.

Is that it?  Is that all of the storylines or is that just all my exhausted mind can remember?  Seriously, this was a busy two-hour episode.  It was an annoying episode too.  Maybe I’d feel differently if I was into country music.  Of the guest stars, Mel Tillis and Jessica Walter gave the best performances.  Of the Love Boat crew, no one came out of this episode with their dignity intact.

This was a cruise to miss.

This cruise?  This cruise was a perfect 10 out of 10 on the How Coked Up Was Julie Scale.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Mark L. Lester Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to director Mark L. Lester.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Mark L. Lester Films

Roller Boogie (1979, dir by Mark L. Lester, DP: Dean Cundey)

Class of 1984 (1982, dir by Mark L. Lester, DP: Albert Dunk)

Commando (1985, dir by Mark L. Lester, DP: Matthew Leonetti)

Public Enemies (1996, dir by Mark L. Lester, DP: Misha Suslov)

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.7 “Repeat Offenders”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

It’s a Chris epiosde. *Yawn*

Episode 3.7 “Repeat Offenders”

(Dir by Charles Siebert, originally aired on September 28th, 1997)

When this show first started, Chris Kelly was introduced as being a hotshot Navy pilot who was forced into reserve status due to her eyesight.  In this episode, it’s revealed that she actually left active duty because she was involved in an accident that was the fault of her commanding officer.  Rather than testify against him and run the risk of being crucified on the stand and then run out of the Navy, she instead took the blame.

Five years later, she discovers that another Navy pilot, Rebecca Santori (Liza Snyder), is facing the same dilemma.  Her commanding officer — who was also Chris’s commanding officer — screwed up and Santori is being pressured to take the blame.  Chris encourages Santori to fight for her right to fly.  Cory suggests that Chris is pressuring Snantori because Chris feels guilty about giving up when she was in the same position.  Cory suggests that Chris is putting Santori’s career at risk just to deal with her own anger and resentment.  Chris says that’s not true and the show seems to expect us to take her word for it.  Fortunately, things do work for Santori.  She is cleared in the accident and Chris is vindicated when its determined that their commanding officer has a long history of incompetence.

This storyline had potential but Chris is just such a one-note character that it’s hard to get excited about anything involving her.  Every week, it seems like Chris finds something new to get upset about and every week, anyone who suggests that Chris isn’t being totally honest about her motivations has to deal with the Chris Kelly glare of death.  In order to remain sympathetic while glaring at people and telling them that they’re idiots, you have to have some shred of charisma.  Chris does not and whenever she’s at the center of an episode, even when she’s in the right as with this one, I just find myself thinking about how much I would dread to have to work with her on a daily basis.

As for the other storyline, thieves are targeting foreign tourists on the boardwalk.  Palermo and TC put on Hawaiian shirts and pretend to be foreign tourists.  The thieves get arrested.  Yay.  How exciting.  Bike patrol does it again.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.19 “Lost and Found/Dick Turpin’s Last Ride”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

This week, I really missed Tattoo.

Episode 7.19 “”Lost and Found/Dick Turpin’s Last Ride”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on April 7th,1984)

Stung by the discovery that her husband has cheated on her, Sheila McKenna (Carol Lynley) comes to Fantasy Island, looking for revenge.  Her husband, Frank (Adam West), follows her and tries to save his marriage.  Sheila is tempted to cheat with Frank’s business partner.  Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is there to show Frank the error of his ways and, for some reason, Sheila ends up forgiving him and they leave the Island with their marriage stronger than ever.

This storyline is one that I perhaps would have been more invested in if Sheila McKenna had not been played by Carol Lynley.  Lynley was the most frequent guest star on Fantasy Island.  She was never particularly memorable but, in this episode, she gives a performance that can only be described as bad.  Delivering her lines without a hint of emotion (and forget about having any chemistry with West), Lynley comes across as if she under the influence of serious narcotics.  I was genuinely worried about her health.  I didn’t really care much about her marriage.

As for the other storyline, singer Tom Jones stars as mild-mannered accountant Jack Palmer.  Palmer idolizes the legendary Welsh highwayman, Dick Turpin.  Roarke sends him into the past so that he can actually be Dick Turpin.  Tom Jones as Turpin sings almost all of his dialogue.  Jack’s wife (Dianne Kay) is also sent into the past and is kidnapped by Sid Haig.

The Dick Turpin storyline was the sort of thing that Fantasy Island did well in the past.  However, despite some surprisingly strong production values, it just kind of fell flat in this episode.  A big problem is that this was the type of story that would have been perfect for Tattoo but, unfortunately, the show replaced Herve Villechaize with Christopher Hewett.  I have nothing against Christopher Hewett.  From what I’ve read, he was apparently a very devout Catholic who was loved by all.  But the switch-over from Villechaize to Hewett was definitely the moment that Fantasy Island stopped being a fantasy to watch.

It’s hard to believe that I’m nearly done with this series.  I’ve been reviewing it since 2022!  It’s brought me a lot of joy but, as I make my way through the final episodes of season 7, I’m ready to finally move on.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Mark Frost Edition

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy birthday to the co-creator of Twin Peaks, Mark Frost!  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Episodes Of Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks 1.3 “Zen or the Skill To Catch a Killer” (1990, dir by David Lynch, DP: Frank Byers)

Twin Peaks 2.7 “Lonely Souls” (1990, dir by David Lynch, DP: Frank Byers)

Twin Peaks: The Return Part 5 (2017, dir by David Lynch, DP: Peter Deming)

Twin Peaks: The Return Part 18 (2017, dir by David Lynch, DP: Peter Deming)

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 5.1 “Suicide Stunt”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, the fifth season begins.

Episode 5.1 “Suicide Stunt”

(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on October 4th, 1981)

The fifth season opens with the Highway Patrol pursuing a gang of thieves and also keeping an eye on Janos Szabo (Les Lannom), a motorcycle daredevil from Hungary who has come to Los Angeles to take part in charity show for “Highway Patrol Widows and Orphans.”

Since Hungary was controlled by the evil communists (hisssss!) when this episode originally aired, I assumed the episode would be about Janos trying to defect so that he could start a new life in the greatest country on Earth, the USA (yay!).  Instead, it turned out that Janos was more concerned with spending time with an ex-girlfriend named Maria (Anita Jodelsohn) who had defected (Good for you, Maria!) and was now working for the Highway Patrol.  The entire episode was pretty much scene after scene of Janos sneaking away from his handlers, stealing a vehicle, and then trying to kidnap Maria.  Maria found it to be amusing.  The members of the Highway Patrol were amused.  Even Janos’s handlers seemed to be secretly amused.  Still, when Janos set a fire outside of the CHP headquarters to distract everyone so that he could steal another car (this one with Maria in it), Ponch had no choice other than to arrest him.

“I am glad it is you who arrest me,” Janos says to Ponch, smiling like an idiot.

With Janos arrested, it falls on Jon Baker to perfect the stunts while riding Janos’s motorcycle.  And Baker is able to do it easily, even the one that involves bursting through a ring of fire.  So, I guess they didn’t need Janos to begin with.  They should have just had Baker do it and they could have saved a lot of money.  Way to waste the taxpayer’s cash, Jerry Brown!

(He was governor at the time.  Then, like 30 years later, he was governor again.)

Odd episode, this one.  Most season premieres try to go big but this was pretty much just another episode of CHiPs.  The California scenery was nice.  I always appreciate that this show was largely shot on location and, as a result, even the worst episodes have some value as a time capsule.  That said, Janos was an incredibly annoying character.  The fact that the show meant for us to laugh at his antics made him even more annoying.  There’s only so many times you can watch one jackass try to abduct one woman before you say, “Enough already!”