Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.6 “Fat Tuesday”

Posted on June 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

After spending last week in Las Vegas, John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) and Max Keller (Tim Van Patten) drive Max’s van across the country in search of McAllister’s daughter.

Episode 1.6 “Fat Tuesday”

(Dir by Sidney Hayes, originally aired on March 9th, 1984)

This episode opens not with a scene of Max Keller in training but instead with Okasa (Sho Kosugi) visiting a dojo in Las Vegas. The master of the dojo explains that he does know where John Peter McAllister is but that he will not tell Okasa because he is not sure that Okasa is actually a former student of McAllister’s. Okasa responds by 1) fighting every student at the dojo and 2) proving that, unlike Lee Van Cleef, Sho Kosugi didn’t need a stunt double for his scenes. Having proven that he trained under the legendary McAllister, Okasa is informed that McAllister and Max Keller are in New Orleans.

That’s right! This week, we’re in the Big Easy!

Of course, any show that takes place in New Orleans has to take place during Mardi Gras. This episode is full of stock footage of the Mardi Gras celebrations but, at the same time, we never see McAllister or Max taking part in any of them. In fact, other than a trip to a jazz club and a fight on a dock, McAllister and Max do very little that one would normally expect to see a visitor doing in New Orleans. New Orleans is one of the most distinctive city in the U.S. but, in this episode of The Master, it might as well be Houston.

McAllister and Max are in New Orleans because a reporter named Eve Michaels (Susan Kase) has been writing a series of stories about how a wealthy businessman named Beaumont (Robert Pine) has been smuggling drugs into the city and selling weapons to Middle Eastern terror groups. In her stories, Eve claims that her source is named Terri McAllister. Could Eve’s source also be John Peter McAllister’s daughter?

Eve, The Reporter

No, she’s not. However, it’s not just a case of mistaken identity. As Eve eventually confesses to Max, Terri McAllister is a name that she assigned to a source that she made up. It turns out that Eve never had a source for her stories about Beaumont but apparently, Beaumont is such a shady character that it was easy for Eve to imagine what Beaumont was probably doing. Because Eve’s made-up story was too close to the truth, Beaumont kidnapped and killed Eve’s friend. That just made Eve even more determined to make up additional lies, all of which turned out to be true. As crazy as that sounds, what’s even crazier is that neither McAllister nor Max are particularly upset to discover that they’re no closer to finding the real Terri. Indeed, McAllister seems to find the whole thing rather amusing which makes me wonder if he really cares about Terri or not.

Beaumont, the bad guy

Of course, Max and McAllister are also busy proving the Beaumont is a criminal. They crash Beaumont’s Mardi Gras party. McAllister wears his ninja costume. Max dresses up like a …. well, I guess he’s supposed to be a pirate.

Okasa also shows up at the party, also dressed as a ninja. In fact, this episode’s saving grace is that it features more of Okasa (and Sho Kosugi’s determined performance in the role) than any episode so far. Not only do McAllister and Okasa fight at the party but they have a later confrontation at a park. What’s interesting about this scene is that McAllister isn’t in his ninja uniform so Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double was required to put on a really phony looking bald cap for the fight scenes. Needless to say, the fight scenes are filmed in long shot and McAllister never faces the camera.

Along with fighting Okasa, McAllister also faces off against two of Beaumont’s men. In this fight scene, Van Cleef is actually shown throwing a punch and kick but he does so in slow motion and we don’t really see him making contact with anyone.

Oh, Lee!

This was a fairly generic episode. The most disappointing thing about it is that it didn’t really have any New Orleans flair to it. As well, the plot depended on a huge amount of coincidence and character stupidity. (Just imagine if Beaumont had just threatened to sue Eve for libel, as opposed to sending his hired goons to kidnap her.) Lee Van Cleef came across as being a bit tired and cranky in this episode. To his credit, Tim Van Patten tried to inject some energy and some humor with his pirate disguise. It didn’t work but at least he tried.

Next week: Max and McAllister take on an evil trucking company!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/4/23 — 6/10/23

Posted on June 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent most of this week watching movies so this is probably not going to be my most impressive week in television. That said, here’s a few notes on what I did watch!

All You Need Is Love (Night Flight Plus)

“Welcome to a guided tour of the world of popular music….” This documentary series aired in the 70s and it traced the history of pop music, from the tunes of Tin Pan Alley to Broadway to rock and roll. I watched the first, introductionary episode on Friday night. It was interesting to see how everything linked up.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Thursday, Paramount Plus)

This week’s episode of Beavis and Butt-Head was okay. I was happy, for instance, that the folks at the American Legion hall beat up Old Beavis and Butt-Head because no one should be allowed to get away with stolen valor. The dog park thing was funny as long as you assume that the racoon didn’t have rabies. The highlight of the episode was the way the boys reacted to the video of the woman who turned her car into a chia pet. “Is there any way to turn down someone’s personality?”

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

Read my latest Fantasy Island review here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

On Tuesday, I watched an episode of this Mother Love-hosted talk show. A man asked his best friend to forgive him for skipping her wedding. She did. Another woman asked her friend to apologize for not supporting her when she had experimental weight loss surgery. An apology was given.

Happy Hour (YouTube)

This was a bizarre panel show from the late 90s. It featured musical performances from Dweezil and Ahmet Zappa, dance numbers featuring the half-naked Bombshells, and two teams competing in arbitrary games that had no rules. The episode that I watched on Saturday morning featured, among others, Lisa Loeb, Kelly Packard, Fred Willard, Sable, Jane Pratt, Chris Hardwick, and Aries Spears. At one point, an odd man named Todd emerged from the audience and competed with Kelly Packard to see who knew the most about Kelly’s time on California Dreams. Todd was kind of creepy and I hope Kelly got a restraining order on him after the show.

Anyway, it was a fun and strange hour. I enjoyed the dancing.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

The Maury Povich Show (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a 1992 episode of a talk show hosted by Maury Povich. (I’m not sure but I think The Maury Povich Show was a different show from Maury’s better-known sleazefest, Maury!) The episode featured Povich interviewing the director and the star of a film about Jeffrey Dahmer. The families of Dahmer’s victims yelled at them. A local reporter showed up and condemned the film. The families yelled at the reporter for writing a book about Dahmer. There was a lot of yelling. Maury said that he held the first amendment sacred.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched an episode where mothers sent their out-of-control teens to boot camp. Personally, I’ve always felt that the whole boot camp thing was more about making the parents feel good than actually doing anything for their children. I followed this up with an episode about women who were dating controlling men who would not let them escape their toxic relationships. The worst of the men showed up wearing a Canada t-shirt. It’s like he knew he was going on a nationally syndicated television show, he probably knew he was going to be portrayed as a villain, and he thought to himself, ‘I’m going to make sure they know I’m Canadian!” I then watched a third episode, featuring more women married to sleazy men. I hope they all got divorced after the show was filmed.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which Sally talked to people whose families were being destroyed by infidelity. I imagine everyone who appeared on this episode is now divorced. I then watched a second episode about stepfamilies in crisis. I blamed the stepparents.

The Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Tuesday. Steve sent two snotty teenagers to the Scared Straight program. Steve was such a joke but somehow, he was never quite as sleazy as his former boss, Jerry Springer.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.5 “High Rollers”

Posted on June 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Viva Las Vegas!

Episode 1.5 “High Rollers”

(Dir by Peter Crane, originally aired on March 2nd, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller….”

This week’s episode The Master opens with Max (Timothy Van Patten) and McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) standing on top of a mountain in the Nevada desert. McAllister explains to Max that a ninja will sometimes be required to quickly descend from a roof or a cliff to the ground below. (Uhmmm …. okay.) McAllister has Max rappel down the side of the mountain. Though hesitant at first, Max does so and reaches the ground fairly quickly. However, before Max can brag too much on himself, he discovers that McAllister is already down there, waiting for him.

“Expect the unexpected,” McAllister explains.

I already mentioned this last week but I can’t help but feel that Max’s “ninja training” is mostly just McAllister amusing himself by seeing how far he can push his student.

Weekly ninja training completed, it’s time for Max and McAllister to drive to …. VEGAS, BABY!

That’s right! In this episode, Max and McAllister visit the ultimate American playground, Las Vegas. Of course, there’s a long history of movies and television shows being filmed in Vegas. In many ways, Las Vegas is the epitome of American ingenuity, a glitzy playground that has been built in an otherwise inhospitable desert. Many great directors — from Martin Scorsese to Francis Ford Coppola to David Lynch to Paul Schrader — have found their inspiration in Las Vegas’s unique aesthetic.

Unfortunately, the Las Vegas that we see in The Master seems to be incredibly tacky. There’s very little of the glitz and glamour that we typically associate with Las Vegas. Instead, the action takes place in one rather dingy hotel and casino, the place where it looks like a month’s worth of chewing gum has been hidden under the tables and smashed into the carpet. A group of thieves, led by the mysterious Blake (Art Hindle), are planning on forcing a showgirl named Tracy (Terri Treas) into helping them rob the hotel. Tracy happens to be Max’s former girlfriend and, in fact, she’s the whole reason that he’s visiting Las Vegas in the first place.

Blake’s plan to rob the casino is ludicrously complicated. Basically, his plan rests on convincing Tracy to flirt with the owner of the hotel and to convince him to invite her up to his room for a drink. In the owner’s room, Tracy is to drug his drink and then, when he’s passed out, she’s supposed to steal his keys. In order to make sure that she does this, Blake kidnaps her annoying 12 year-old daughter, Suzie (Angela Lee Sloan).

While Tracy is drugging the owner of the hotel, a bomb is set to explode at the nearby power station. With all of Vegas plunged into darkness, it will be all the easier for Blake’s men to shoot tear gas into the casino. While everyone’s disorientated, Blake will open the casino’s safe and then he and his associates will head to an abandoned western movie set in the middle of the desert. From there, they will wait for the arrival of a helicopter that will take them to safety.

I mean, seriously, what happened to the concept of keeping things simple? Blake’s plan is dependent on so many things happens at the exact right moment that there’s no way any halfway intelligent criminal would have agreed to have been a part of it. Along with all of the obvious things that could go wrong, Blake also has failed to take into account that he might be followed to the old west town by a ninja and his idiot sidekick.

Which is pretty much what happens. McAllister and Max show up at about the same time as the helicopter.

This leads to an elaborate fight in the old west town. On the one hand, it’s a nice homage to Lee Van Cleef’s days as a spaghetti western star. At once point, McAllister even tells Max that he feels oddly at home in the old west town. “I always wanted to be a cowboy,” McAllister says. On the other hand, it’s also pretty obvious that all of the action sequences and fight scenes feature not Lee Van Cleef but Lee Van Cleef’s much less stocky stunt double. That takes away from the excitement of seeing Van Cleef return to his roots.

That said, there is a cool moment where Van Cleef’s stunt double jumps over the helicopter.

One of the good things about this episode is that we did learn a few new details about Max and McAllister’s relationship. For instance, when Max wants to beat up Blake’s men, McAllister warns Max that he’s allowing his temper to control him. Later, Max has an epiphany in which he realizes that, unlike Blake’s men, he could never bring himself to kill someone. It’s actually a nicely human moment and it took me by surprise. It’s a moment that suggests that The Master perhaps had higher ambitions than just being a typical action show.

We also learned a little more about Max’s backstory. As he tells Tracy, his mother and his brother were both killed in a plane crash and he and his father had a falling out shortly afterwards. Max says that he doesn’t know where his father is. When Max says that, his relationship with McAllister suddenly makes a lot more sense. Max puts up with McAllister because he’s looking for a new father figure. That said, I’m still pretty sure that most of McAllister’s training exercises are just McAllister’s way of amusing himself at Max’s expense.

While I appreciated all of that, this episode was a bit too messy to really work. The casino stuff was difficult to follow and, as I mentioned before, Blake’s big scheme was a bit too big for its own good. I did like the fight scenes in the old west town but, unfortunately, the episode was nearly finished by the time that McAllister and Max arrived. This episode had a lot of potential but it still felt like it was never as good as it could have been.

Next week: Max and McAllister hit up New Orleans! Mardi Gras, baby!

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.4 “Hostages”

Posted on June 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, The Master teams up with an old enemy.

Episode 1.4 “Hostages”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on February 10th, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller….”

This episode of The Master opens with Max (Timothy Van Patten) flying high above California in a motorized hang glider. Apparently, this is the latest part of Max’s ninja training, though I have to wonder where the hang glider came from and whether or not being able to use a hang glider is a specific ninja skill. The more I think about it, the more it seems that McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is just leading Max on for his own amusement.

Max spots a woman (Jennifer Runyon, who later took over the role of Marcia Brady in A Very Brady Christmas) who is sitting behind the wheel of an out-of-control car. Apparently, the brakes have failed and the car will soon careen over the side of a cliff! Max swoops down and rescues the woman, minute before her car crashes and explodes.

The woman is Alice Clayton, the extremely talkative daughter of U.S. Senator Sam Clayton (Robert Dowdell). Don’t worry, no one was trying to kill her. The brakes just failed on their own. A grateful Alice invites Max and McAllister to come to a party that the senator is throwing at his hillside mansion.

Soon, Max and McAllister are wearing tuxedos and hanging out at the party. A CIA agent named Malory (one-time Bond star, George Lazenby) recognizes McAllister and accuses him of running a “subversive ninja school.” Meanwhile, by an amazing coincidence, Okasa (Sho Kosugi) — McAllister’s former student who has taken a vow to kill him — also happens to be at the party. He even takes the time to throw a ninja star at McAllister.

But that’s not all! The party is also crashed by a group of terrorists, lead by Serena (Randi Brooks) and Castile (David McCallum). The terrorists kidnaps Alice, her father, and the wives of several European diplomats. The head of the CIA (Monte Markham) orders McAllister and Malory to set aside their differences and to rescue the hostages. Max also decides to help which means that the hang glider makes another appearance as Max soars above the terrorist compound.

Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double gets quite a workout in this episode of The Master. Not only do Okasa and McAllister have a brief fight but McAllister also gets to take on an entire compound full of terrorists. Of course, McAllister wears his full of ninja uniform while doing all of this, all the better to hopefully keep us from noticing that Lee Van Cleef isn’t the one doing all of the kicking and hitting. And I will say that, in this episode, the fights were fairly well-done. The plot was predictable but the fights were probably about as exciting as you could hope from a network television show that aired in the 80s.

Other than the fights, the best thing about this episode was the chance to see George Lazenby playing a character who was Bond in everything but the name. Lazenby himself has said that one of the reasons he struggled with the role of James Bond was because he was too young when he starred in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. In this episode of The Master, Lazenby is older and a bit more weathered and he’s totally believable as a spy who is tough but who still enjoys the better things in life. As well, David McCallum does a good job as the cynical terrorist, though his character isn’t really given much to do.

I actually kind of enjoyed this episode of The Master. As opposed to the previous three episodes, it focused on the action and it didn’t really have any slow spots. It was a fun episode.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/21/23 — 5/27/23

Posted on May 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I didn’t watch much this week. For whatever reason, I really wasn’t in a television mood. Still, I did catch a few shows and here are my thoughts on them!

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

Monroe “The Raven” Fuches has his own compound. NoHo Hank is discovering that being a legitimate businessman still means doing a lot of illegal stuff. The FBI is now convinced that Cusineau was Barry’s accomplice. And Sally and John have been kidnapped. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous about how all of this going to wrap up on Sunday night. I’m hoping for a happy ending but I don’t know if there is such a thing in the world of Barry.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Oh no! Beavis and Butt-Head are dead! Well, actually, I’m sure they’ll find a way to survive being in that car that just got tossed into the car smasher thing. I mean, Old Beavis survived having one of his kidneys explode so it might just be that the boys are immortal and incapable of dying. That’s kind of a scary thought.

Black Bird (Apple TV+)

I finished up this excellent miniseries on Sunday. Paul Walter Hauser chilled me to the bone. Ray Liotta broke my heart.

Bubblegum Crisis (Night Flight Plus)

I watched the fourth episode of this anime on Saturday morning. It features a black car shoving a bunch of motorcyclists out of the way. That was actually kind of neat because everyone knows the frustration of getting stuck behind a motorcyclist (or, even worse, a freaking bicyclist) in heavy traffic.

City Guys (YouTube)

I have finally started in on the 5th and final season of City Guys. You can read my thoughts on the 4th season finale right here.

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

Robin Givens talked to teenagers who felt that they had been let down by their mothers. Wait …. where’s Mother Love!?

Great Performances (Monday Morning, PBS)

Danai Gurira played the title role in a Shakespeare in the Pak production of Richard III. Gurira was certainly able to capture the character’s ruthless determination but there still wasn’t much depth to either her performance or the overall production.

Hang Time (YouTube)

I’m nearly done with this show. Yay! Read my thoughts on this week’s episode here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode of The Love Boat here!

The Master (Tubi)

Max Keller, union activist! The third episode of The Master was pretty silly and I wrote about it here!

The Office (Peacock)

“Hey there, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do? What you gonna do? Make our dreams come true!” Can you guess which episode of The Office I watched on Friday afternoon?

Red Dwarf (Monday Morning, PBS)

The long-running British science fiction comedy is now airing on my PBS station so I watched an episode on Monday. Apparently, the last Earthling in existence gave some false memories to his companion, a hologram. The hologram was disappointed to learn that his memories weren’t real. It was funny but it was also kind of sad, to be honest. It made me wonder what I would so if I woke up one day to discover that I was the last remaining person on Earth (or in space, as the case may be).

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Another season of Survivor has come to a close and I am off the reality show beat until Big Brother returns in August. Yam Yam, to be honest, got on my last nerve because he was so whiny and petulant. He played a good enough game that he deserved the victory but still, I would have preferred to have seen either Carolyn or Carson take home the money. What was up with Carolyn getting zero votes? That sucked! You can read my thoughts on Survivor here!

Yes, Minister (Monday Morning, PBS)

This week, Jim Hacker caused a panic when he threatened to withhold honours from civil servants who did not reduce their budgets. Of course, no civil servant would ever willingly reduce their budget but what’s the point of being a civil servant without the honours? It was all very British but it was also universal. Bureaucrats love to be rewarded for not doing anything.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.3 “State of the Union”

Posted on May 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, The Master stands up for the working man!

Episode 1.3 “State of the Union”

(Dir by Alan Myerson, originally aired on February 3rd, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller and this is how I start my morning.”

So begins yet another episode of The Master! This time, McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is forcing Max (Timothy Van Patten) to start his day by running. McAllister says that it’s a part of Max’s ninja training but I think it’s more a case of McAllister just seeing how many stupid things he can force Max to do before Max says, “Enough!”

This week finds Max and McAllister in Clearwater, California. In order to make a little money, Max enters a dirt bike race. It turns out that Max is very well-known on the dirt bike circuit and he even runs into an old friend named Hog (Mickey Jones) at the race. Hog only shows up for a few minutes. He shakes Max’s hand, jokes about the fact that Max is traveling with a hamster and a weird old man, and then he pretty much disappears from the episode.

McAllister watches the race while stroking Max’s pet hamster.

Try to get that image out of your head.

Anyway, Max does not win the race. Instead, the race is won by Carrie Brown (Crystal Bernard). At the finish line, Carrie is nearly run over by one her competitors, Chad Webster (Cotter Smith). Chad is the son of the owner of the local cannery. It turns out that Carrie also works at the cannery. Max takes an immediate liking to Carrie and decides that he should also get a job at the cannery.

McAllister points out that Carrie is attractive. Max replies, “Does your ninja training make you immune to such things?” McAllister shrugs. It’s kind of an odd scene.

Anyway, at the cannery, Max quickly learns that there’s more to Carrie than just 80s hair and dirt bike racing. Carrie is also a union organizer! She’s carrying on her late brother’s dream of unionizing the cannery. This largely means handing out flyers and encouraging people to go to a meeting.

How bad are things at the cannery? They’re so bad that an older worker gets crushed by a palette. Fortunately, McAllister and Max show up just in time to help out. Through the use of one of his magic throwing ticks, McAllister is able to send the palette crashing into the ocean. While Max proceeds to flirt with Carrie, attentive viewers will see the worker — who is now probably crippled for life — being carried away in the background. Despite having saved the guy’s life, neither Max nor McAllister ever ask about him again.

Anyway, you know where all this is heading. Carrie wants to unionize the workers. Chad and his buddies try to intimidate the workers into not joining the union. At a meeting at the local church, Max gives a speech about how the workers have to get organized. There are plenty of fights and car chases and yet another bar brawl. That Max just can’t say out of trouble!

McAllister also joins Max on the dirt bike so that he can throw ninja stars at the bad guys. This leads to some pretty bad rear projection shots.

In the end, Chad is revealed to have murdered Carrie’s brother. The cannery votes to unionize and Max and McAllister promptly leave town because even they know better than to work at a union shop. Though it’s not specifically stated, I imagine that the cannery probably closed two months and Carrie ended up following in the lead footsteps of Jimmy Hoffa.

This episode was a bit silly, largely because neither perky Crystal Bernard nor perpetually mush-mouth Tim Van Patten were believable as firebrand labor activists. Lee Van Cleef seemed to be largely bored with the whole thing. Fortunately, next week’s episode features a guest appearance from George Lazenby so maybe that will liven things up on The Master.

We’ll find out soon!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/14/23 — 5/20/23

Posted on May 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

The latest episode of Barry scared the Hell out of me. I literally screamed when that person dressed in all black appeared behind Sally. That said, I also laughed at Monroe “The Raven” Fuches and his first few days of freedom. NoHo Hank has apparently made himself into quite a successful businessman but he’s still in denial about the role he played in Cristobal’s death. And, of course, Gene Cousineau remains Gene Cousineau. I just can’t shake the feeling that none of these characters are going to survive the series finale.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Beavis and Butt-Head discovered that the secret to being popular was acting depressed. And then they probably rendered themselves sterile with shock treatment. After that, Beavis got rabies. That was kind of disturbing. I’m going to guess that Butt-Head eventually got rabies as well. Oh well.

Black Bird (Apple TV+)

I watched the first four episodes of this true crime miniseries this week. It’s a fascinating show that I’ll write about more after I finish it. Paul Walter Hauser is extremely unsettling as Larry. Taron Egerton has the charisma of an old school movie star. This show also showcases the late Ray Liotta in the role of Egerton’s loving father. The role allows Liotta to show his kind side, along with the tough side that he was best known for. Along with everything else that makes this show memorable, it serves as a tribute to Liotta’s skill as an actor.

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

Laurie Sue appeared on the show to confess to her husband that she had cheated on him with her first cousin and that she had subsequently danced and stripped at a laundry mat. He forgave her. Personally, I suspect that they were both lying about what happened and just wanted a chance to appear on television. Laurie Sue’s story was followed by two men who cheated on their pregnant fiancées. Mother Love helped everyone work out their problems. “Never underestimate the power of forgiveness!” Mother Love declared while the audience applauded. I suspect Mother Love may have been a cult leader.

On Monday, I watched an episode featuring a teenage moron named Andrew who trashed the house while his father was in the hospital, having his toe amputated. His father forgave him, even though Andrew definitely did not deserve it.

I Remember Gorgeous George (YouTube)

This was a 1980s documentary about pro-wrestling. I watched it on Sunday morning. I’m not really a wrestling fan but, that said, I can appreciate it as a unique example of Americana.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This uneven season came to an end with a heavy-handed look at gun control. Basically, the message of this week’s episode was that it’s okay to kill someone as long as you have the right political beliefs. Once again, justice was pushed to the side because of Price’s PTSD. Seriously, what a disappointing way to end the season.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

On Saturday morning, I watched a 30-minute profile of the band Bananarama.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

“I can’t believe my kid’s a skinhead!” was the title of the episode that I watched on Sunday and indeed, the parents were shocked. Sally lost control of the audience early on. I followed this up with an episode called “Serial Killer Fan Vs. Victims Families.” Yikes!

On Tuesday, I was in a bad mood so I watched an episode called “My Teen Is Going To End Up A Criminal.” Wow, those teens had some issues! And I bet they did all end up as criminals.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about Survivor here!

Take Off To Comedy IX (Night Flight Plus)

I watched this 90s special on Friday night. It was a collection of comedy clips, including a stand-up comedian talking about why he gave up cocaine. Just from his manic delivery, I don’t think he ever gave up cocaine.

Waco: The Aftermath (Showtime)

I watched the remaining episodes of Waco: The Aftermath this week. I understand that the show has apparently not been well-received by critics. I’m going to guess that’s because the show was ultimately as a critical of the government as it was of its enemies. To me, the show provided a look at how the efforts to combat the monster often make the monster even stronger.

Yellowjackets (Sunday Night, Showtime)

I’m now caught up with Yellowjackets. Of course, I knew that Shauna’s baby was not going to survive but that didn’t make the episode any less powerful or sad or unsettling. This season has definitely been a bit more uneven than the first season but it’s still a very intriguing show.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.2 “Out-of-Time Step”

Posted on May 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The adventures of John Peter McAllister and Max Keller continue!

That’s right, the search for McAllister’s daughter is still on and Max is still learning how to be a ninja. But, before we get to their latest adventure, it’s time to enjoy the opening credits!

Episode 1.2 “Out-of-Time Step”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on January 27th, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller and this is how I spend my mornings….” Max Keller tells us in voice over as we watch footage of Max (Timothy Van Patten) balancing on a rope that’s been tied between two trees. Yes, Max is still our narrator and John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) is still training him to become a ninja. Max is also still traveling in his van and with his hamster.

At the end of the previous episode, Max and McAllister were heading down to Atlanta to search for McAllister’s daughter. At the start of this episode, we discover that they are in San Francisco, investigating a lead that McAllister’s daughter may have danced at a club called Truffles. So, did they go to Atlanta or did they just change their mind and decide to stick around California? More to the point, did NBC say, “Hey, we’re not paying for you people to go out of state?”

Anyway, Truffles turns out to be a club that’s owned by Charlie Patterson (Charles Collins), a former film star who has fallen on hard times. (Charles Collins was a real-life dancer and when Patterson watches footage of a screen test that his character supposedly did for a Hollywood production, the footage is actually of Collins performing in a 1936 film called Dancing Pirate.) Patterson has two daughters. Kelly (Shanna Reed) is a dancer who thrills the club’s patrons every time she steps out onto the stage. The other, Jill (Lori Lethin), uses a wheelchair. Jill tells Charlie that he’s “an ex-hoofer with two daughters, one who wheels and one who does cartwheels.”

Upon arriving at Truffles, Max and McAllister discover that Charlie is being intimidated by Chinatown gangster, Johnny Chan (Brian Toshi) and Chan’s main enforcer, Mr. Lika (Soon-Tek Oh). Mr. Lika spots McAllister’s medallion and realizes that McAllister is a trained ninja. McAllister spots Mr. Lika’s ring and realizes that Mr. Lika is a member of the Yakuza. This establishes a mutual respect between the two of them, one that inevitably leads to a final battle between Soon-Tek Oh and Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double.

Of course, McAllister does more than just fight Mr. Lika. He also encourages Jill to stand up from her wheelchair and take a few steps. And when Johnny Chan has Kelly kidnapped, he and Max rescue her. (But not before Johnny shouts at her, “You’re a dancer! DANCE!”) It leads to a lot of action scenes but it doesn’t bring them any closer to McAllister’s daughter.

This episode wasn’t bad, largely because Soon-Tek Oh and Lee Van Cleef got a chance to face off. Even if all of the actual fighting was done by Van Cleef’s stunt double, it’s still undeniably fun to watch these two icons glare at each other and exchange tough guy dialogue. Plus, there was a lot of dancing! I always appreciate any show that finds room for more than one dance number, even if they are obviously lifted from Flashdance.

As I mentioned earlier, this episode ended with McAllister and Max nowhere close to finding McAllister’s daughter. But Max promised that they could keep looking. I’m sure they’ll find her. It’s not like America is that big.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 5/7/23 — 5/13/23

Posted on May 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Accused (Tuesday Night, FOX)

The season finale of Accused started out strong but, towards the end, it felt like propaganda for euthanasia. Plus, the big twist — i.e., the accused taking the blame for a crime that was actually committed by a loved one — was one that the show had already done before. It’s a bit early for this show to be repeating itself. That’s one reason why I think Accused would be well-served by having a regular set of writers and a regular set of directors as opposed to bringing in new people for each episode. That said, Keith Carradine gave a powerful performance as the man on trial. The first season of Accused was extremely uneven but hopefully, they’ll work out the kinks by the time the second season begins.

Barry (Sunday Night, HBO)

The rumors were true! There has indeed been a time jump and Barry and Sally are now living in the middle of nowhere and raising their son, John. Sally, who now wears a dark wig and works as a waitress, is miserable and, on Sunday’s show, nearly strangled a guy. Barry is oddly obsessed with Abraham Lincoln. Barry spends a lot of time with John and obviously considers himself to be a good father but, ultimately, Barry is just as manipulative towards his son as Monroe Fuches was towards him. When Sally came across a news story about Gene Cusineau coming out of hiding to consult on a Barry Berkman biopic, Barry replied, without hesitation, “I have to kill Gene Cusineau.” That’s where this week’s unsettling episode of Barry ended.

As I watched this week’s episode, it occurred to me that if someone ever did decide to do a new version of The Shining, Bill Hader would be an ideal Jack Torrance.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Paramount Plus)

Episodes that feature both the young and the old Beavis and Butt-Head are so depressing. It’s so easy to laugh at them when they’re young and they’re trying to plant cigarettes and destroying the community garden. But then you see what the future has waiting for them. Butt-Head’s a fat alcoholic and Beavis looks like he’s about 70 years old when he should just be in his 40s. It’s sad but it’s also funny. I do take some comfort in the fact that Beavis and Butt-Head always seem to be blissfully unaware of how terrible their lives truly are. Beavis never seems to give up hope.

Bubblegum Crisis (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Saturday morning but, to be honest, I was half asleep. All I know for sure is that a lot of stuff blew up.

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

On Sunday, I sat through three episodes of this old 90s talk show on YouTube. A son demanded that his mother apologize for robbing him. (She didn’t.) A man told his fiancée that he was an exotic dancer just for her to then reveal that she was a stripper. (The audience went crazy.) A woman demanded that her friend apologize for “sleeping with my first love.” (“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the friend replied.) Mother Love said to never forget the power of forgiveness.

On Friday, I watched one more episode. A woman begged another woman to forgive her for backing out of an adoption arrangement. No one was forgiven. Mother Love started to cry.

Jury Duty (Freevee)

I absolutely loved this 8-hour, semi-improvised comedy about jury duty. Essentially, the series followed one guy as he took part in a very strange court case and got to know his fellow jurors (including James Marsden, who played a comedic version of himself). The catch was that everyone else in the court room was an actor and our hero was being filmed without even knowing it. It was wonderfully weird, funny, and ultimately rather sweet. It helped that the main guy, Ronald Gladden, came across as being incredibly likable and nice, even when James Marsden went out of his way to annoy him. Give Marsden an Emmy!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

This was a pretty dumb episode this week. Cosgrove got shot by this week’s suspect after the suspect got out on bail. Because he was captured at the scene, everyone knew who shot Cosgrove but, at the trial, no one brought up the fact that the suspect had shot a cop and, unless I missed it, I don’t think he was ever charged with shooting Cosgrove either. Instead, Price was worried he wouldn’t be able to get a conviction on the crime that the guy was originally accused of and I was just like, “Uhmm, he shot a cop while trying to kill the state’s main witness against him. Isn’t that pretty good evidence that the cops were onto something when they arrested him?”

Cosgrove considered retiring and going to Florida but, at the end of the episode, it appeared that he was planning on staying in New York. I got the feeling that entire storyline was just included as some sort of “That that!” to Florida. But, honestly, Cosgrove is 50 years old and politically and culturally conservative. Why wouldn’t he want to move to Florida?

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

The Master (Tubi)

Since Freddy’s Nightmares is no longer available on Tubi, I decided to watch and review all 13 episodes of this 80s ninja show instead. You can read my review of episode 1 here!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Tubi)

Apparently, after the show went off the air, NBC edited the first two episodes of The Master together and they released the result theatrically under the name Master Ninja One. And then, years later, the guys at Mystery Science Theater 3000 watched Master Ninja One and spent a lot of time pointing out Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double. Anyway, I watched the Mystery Science Theater version on Thursday, after I finished writing up my review of The Master. It made me laugh!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

The season came to an end much as I predicted it would. Abbi and Rand broke up. Dan went to Louisiana and became a judge but I imagine he’ll be back whenever season 2 starts because, if there was anything that was consistent about the first season, it’s that the action always grinds to a halt whenever John Larroquette isn’t onscreen.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Monday night. Sally talked to parents who had out-of-control children. The kids were forced to take part in the Scared Straight program. Did it do any good? Probably not.

Survivor (Wednesday Night, CBS)

I wrote about this week’s episode over at Reality TV Chat Blog!

The Traitors (Peacock)

I binged this enjoyably silly reality show over the course of the week. Basically, a combination of newbies and reality TV vets moved into a Scottish castle and tried to figure out which of the three of them had been designated as “traitors” by host Alan Cumming. The traitors could “kill” a guest every night. (Well, not literally.) I was happy to see Survivor’s Cirie Fields do well and outlast Big Brother‘s Rachel Reilly. “I’m an icon!” Rachel exclaimed at one point. (Truth be told, I may complain about Rachel whenever she shows up on yet another reality show but she knows exactly what the audience wants from her and she plays her role well so good for her!)

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.1 “Max”

Posted on May 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

My original plan was to follow-up Half Nelson by reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares. Unfortunately, Freddy’s Nightmares has been removed from Tubi and it’s not currently streaming anywhere else. Hopefully, some other site will soon feature it or it will eventually return to Tubi and I’ll be able to review the show in the future.

While I was looking for another show to review, I came across The Master. The Master ran for 13 episodes in 1984. It featured Lee Van Cleef as John Peter McAllister, a ninja traveling across America and searching for his daughter. Helping out McAllister is Max Keller, a young drifter who owns a groovy van and who is played by Timothy Van Patten. (Van Patten, who has since become a much in-demand director, is probably best known for playing Stegman in Class of 1984.) Since The Master had a short run and everyone loves ninjas, I decided to add it to our retro television schedule!

Episode 1.1 “Max”

(Dir by Robert Clouse, originally aired on January 20th, 1984)

“My name’s Max Keller and this is how I usually leave a bar.”

So opens the first episode of The Master. The voice over is courtesy Max Keller (Timothy Van Patten), a young drifter who drives across America in a van with a pet hamster named Henry as his main companion. And the way that Max usually leaves a bar is through the front window. In this case, Max is tossed through a window by a bunch of bikers. Max responds by sabotaging all of their bikes so, when they try to chase after him as he drives off in his van, all of the bikers are thrown from their bike and onto the hard pavement of the road. I would think that this would kill most of the bikers but Max doesn’t seem to be too concerned about that. Instead, he just has a good laugh as he drives away. Oh, Max!

Meanwhile, in Japan, John Peter McAllister (Lee Van Cleef), “the man who would change my life,” (to quote Max’s voiceover) is preparing to return to America for the first time in years. McAllister moved to Japan after World War II and is the only American to have been trained in the ninja arts. (Why the ninjas would be so eager to train an American after the way World War II ended is not explained.) McAllister has just found out that he has a daughter who he has never met. (How did he find out? Again, it’s not explained.) He wants to return home so that he can find her. However, Osaka (Sho Kosugi), a former student of McAllister’s, is determined to kill him for breaking the ninja code. McAllister manages to escape Japan with only a slight wound courtesy of a throwing star. Osaka decides to follow him.

Back in America, a young woman named Holly Trumbull (a very young Demi Moore) runs out into the middle of a country highway and is nearly run over by Max. Max stops his van just in time and offers Holly a ride. It turns out that Holly is being pursued by the evil Sheriff Kyle (Bill McKinney). She explains that Sheriff Kyle tried to rape her, which is information that Max just kind of shrugs off. He manages to outrun the Sheriff and takes Holly back to the airport that is managed by her father, Mr. Trumbull (Claude Akins).

Max apparently (I say apparently because the episode’s editing is so ragged that it’s often difficult to tell how much time has passed from one scene to the next) spends a few days working at the airport and trying to date Holly. When he attempts to give Holly a kiss, she backs away from him and explains that she’s still not comfortable with being kissed after nearly being raped the town’s sheriff. “I’m sorry,” she says. Max, being a bit of a jerk, gets annoyed and says, “That makes three of us. Henry was just starting to like you.” After saying that he’s going to go somewhere to see if “my luck improves,” he goes to the local bar to unwind.

Also at the bar is John Peter McAllister! McAllister knows that his daughter came through Mr. Trumbull’s airport and he wants to show her picture to the people in the bar. For some reason, the bartender doesn’t want him to do that. When Sheriff Kyle, who is also in the bar, discovers that McAllister is carrying a samurai sword in his suitcase, the sheriff tries to arrest him. When a bar fight breaks out, Max fights alongside McAllister and they even manage to steal the sword back from the sheriff. Bonded by combat, Max and McAllister become fast friends. Before you know it, Max is agreeing to drive McAllister across the country as long as McAllister trains Max how to be a ninja.

But first, an evil developer named Mr. Christensen (Clu Gulager) is determined to run the Turnbulls off their land. After Christensen is not moved by an impassioned speech by Max and instead tries to blow up the airport, it’s time for Max and McAllister to invade Christensen’s office and fight a bunch of guards. Osaka also shows up at the office so we get a lengthy fight scene between Sho Kosugi and Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double. (McAllister dons his head-to-do ninja costume before doing any fighting, so we don’t actually see his face while he’s doing in any of his amazing ninja moves.) While Osaka and McAllister are fighting, Max defeats Christensen by throwing a ninja star at him and hitting him in the chest. I would think that would be murder but who knows. Maybe the blade narrowly missed Christensen’s heart and he was just unconscious. Or maybe Max’s just a sociopath.

Somehow, this leads to the Turnbulls getting to keep the airport. McAllister and Max drive off together, in search of America.

What a messy episode! Obviously, this episode had to get a lot done in just 48 minutes. It had to introduce Max and McAllister, it had to explain why they were traveling together, and it also had to give them an adventure. I guess I shouldn’t feel surprised that the episode felt a bit rushed but still, there were so many unanswered questions. For instance, why is Max driving across the country in a van? How did McAllister find out that he had a daughter? Why didn’t he know that he had a daughter before hand? Did McAllister’s daughter actually come through the town or not? How did Osaka track down McAllister? Where did Max learn to fight before he met McAllister? Why is McAllister so quick to agree to take Max under his wing? Why is Max so quick to drive a strange old man across the country?

As for the cast, Lee Van Cleef appears to be a bit frail in the role of McAllister. (He would died 5 years after The Master went off the air.) Timothy Van Patten comes across as being bit manic as Max. Personally, I would be worried about getting into a van with Max because he doesn’t really seem to have much impulse control. As for the guest cast, Demi Moore gives a strong performance as Holly but the character vanishes from the episode after finally giving Max a kiss. Claude Akins and Clu Gulager only get a few minutes of screentime and are both stuck with stock roles. Akin is the honest working man while Gulager is the corrupt businessman. Billl McKinny is properly hissable as the bully of a sheriff. And Sho Kosugi looks annoyed with the whole thing.

The first episode was not that promising but who knows! Maybe the show will improve as it goes along. We’ll find out next week!