The Oilman Cometh”

Posted on February 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is all about simple misunderstandings that could be easily cleared up by people just not acting stupid for a few seconds. Unfortunately, that’s too much to ask.

Episode 4.4 “Target Gopher/The Major’s Wife/Strange Honeymoon/The Oilman Cometh”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 8th, 1980)

Lo and beware! Here comes the idiot plot!

As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, there’s nothing that bothers me more than an idiot plot. That is when a TV show — usually a sitcom — builds an entire episode out of a misunderstanding that could be easily cleared up by everyone just not being an idiot. These are the type of episodes where everyone talks over each other and runs off before they can get a full explanation of what’s happening. They are frustrating to watch.

This episode of The Love Boat has not just one idiot plot but several of them. I usually love this show but this episode made me cringe from start to finish.

Consider:

Oilman Mason Fleers (Dale Robertson) has chartered the boat for his company. He is not only giving everyone a free cruise but he hopes that he’ll be able to sign a big oil deal with Prince Hassan (Pat Harrington, Jr.), who is excited to see the ocean because “my country is covered in sand.” Mason has arranged for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (playing themselves) to provide entertainment. Even though the cheerleaders were on the ship last season, everyone acts as if this is the first time they’ve ever seen them. Doc Bricker is especially excited to see them, even though it’s debatable that a glamorous NFL cheerleader from a land-locked city would ever fall for a middle-aged guy who works on a boat for a living.

Prince Hassan boards the boat looking for a new wife. (He already has several but he specifically wants an American.) When Mason’s assistant, Ted (David Cassidy, with a rather unflattering mustache), attempts to give Prince Hassan the gift of a computerized chess game, Prince Hassan thinks that Ted is actually giving him Ted’s girlfriend, Janet (Janet Gunn). Prince Hassan thinks that Janet will be his new wife and he immediately makes plans for the marriage ceremony to take place on the boat. Ted, Captain Stubing, and Janet could clear all this up by telling Prince Hassan the truth but instead, they just try to hide Janet from him. And then Ted decides that maybe he could win Janet back from the Prince.

One word for all of this: Idiot.

Mason, for his part, falls for one of the cheerleaders (Jayne Ann Maxwell), and pressures her to spend time along with him. Jayne reacts to this by randomly declaring her love for Gopher. Gopher plays along so Mason decides to get revenge by walking up behind Gopher, surprising Gopher, and then collapsing to the deck and pretending that Gopher knocked him out. Gopher is suspended from his duties while the cruise line investigates. There were plenty of people on the deck at the time but no one steps forward to say that Mason clearly faked getting hit. Or maybe someone could point out that Mason has spent the entire cruise harassing a cheerleader who is not interested in him. But no one does. Why?

Because this is an idiot plot.

Walter Henson (Al Corley) was planning on spending his honeymoon on the cruise but then he found out his wife-to-be cheated on him. He left her at the altar. He still takes the cruise but he brings his brother, Hud (Mark Pinter), with him. When Doc, Isaac, and Gopher learn that Hud and Walter are both in the honeymoon suite, they assume that they’re a couple and, because this episode is 44 years old, start giving each other funny looks. It doesn’t occur to anyone that Walter and Hud might have the same last name because they’re related. When Hud falls for a cheerleader, he continually makes excuses to keep her from finding out that he’s traveling with his brother. Why?

IDIOT PLOT!

Major Ross Latham (Robert Culp) boards the boat with his shy and modest wife, Nara (Nobu McCarthy). Surprise! Gloria Beaumont (Jo Ann Pflug) is also on the boat. She and the major are old friends and soon, they’re spending all of their time together. Julie and Vicki assume that Gloria is trying to steal Ross away from Nara. Nara doesn’t suspect a thing.

Idiot. Plot.

Needless to say, everything work out in the end but this episode leaned way too heavily on everyone being an idiot. The Love Boat should be entertaining, not frustrating. This was one of those episodes that just left me wanting to jump overboard.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/11/24 — 2/17/24

Posted on February 17, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This was another week in which I didn’t watch much television, beyond what I usually review. A lot of that is because I was preoccupied with exercising my ankle (which is doing much better) and Valentine’s Day! And some of it is because I guess modern television just doesn’t interest me that much right now. All the game shows and the self-conscious prestige dramas are just kind of boring.

Anyway, here’s some thought on what I did watch this week!

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I felt that this week’s episode was a clear improvement over the premiere, though the show still seems to be struggling to find its footing in the third season. I liked Gregory as the cool teacher and I enjoyed the return of Tariq but I’m still not a fan of Janine working for the district.

Bubblegum Crisis (Night Flight Plus)

The action moved to Houston in the episode that I watched on Saturday morning. As usual, I couldn’t really follow the plot but it was fun to watch everything explode. Bubblegum Crisis takes place in 2033 so I guess we’ve got nine years left.

Diocese Of Dallas Catholic Mass (Sunday Afternoon, Channel 27)

For various reasons, I really wanted to go to Mass on Sunday but with my sprained ankle, I really didn’t feel like having to hop all the way down to St. Joseph’s. Fortunately, television to the rescue!

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Monday night. A woman falsely accused her ex-husband of using their child to make pornographic movies. Her husband passed a lie detector test and, as Phil pointed out, the woman’s story was full of inconsistencies and never made any sense. Despite being exposed as being a liar, the woman refused to apologize.

On Saturday, I watched an episode that featured an online gambling addict who, having lost all of his money, was now living in his mother’s basement. “We are staging an intervention,” Dr. Phil said, in that ultra-dramatic way of his.

Night Flight (Night Flight Plus)

This Friday, I watched an episode about famous people who made cameo appearances in 80s music videos.

The Super Bowl (Sunday Night, CBS)

I have to admit that I was really rooting for the 49ers by the end of the game. I always like it when the underdogs win. But still, congratulations to the Chiefs on their victory. As usual, I was mostly watching for the commercials but I got kind of bored with them this year. The one with Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck, and Matt Damon was amusing.

The Vanishing Shadow (Night Flight Plus)

I watched another installment of this old timey serial on Saturday morning. Our heroes spent most of this episode being pursued by gangsters. Fortunately, they had a vanishing ray! This old 30s serial is a lot of fun.

Watched and Reviewed Elsewhere:

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)
Check It Out (Tubi) — Review Dropping In 30 Minutes
CHiPs (Freevee)
Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)
Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)
Friday the 13th (YouTube)
Highway to Heaven (Freevee)
Lookwell (YouTube)
The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)
Miami Vice (Tubi)
Monsters (Tubi)
T and T (Tubi)
Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

Posted on February 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, The Love Boat heads to the Virgin Islands in a special two-hour episode!

(For syndication purposes, this episode is technically listed as being two episodes.)

Episode 4.2 and 4.3 “The Family Plan/The Promoter/May The Best Man Win/Forever Engaged/The Jurors”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on November 1st, 1980)

One of the cool things about The Love Boat is that, at least once per season, the cast and crew would actually film on location on an actual cruise. You can always spot these episodes by the fact that they’re usually two-hours long, there’s more passengers than usual, and the guest stars tend to spend more time on the upper deck than in their cabins. It may not sound like much but there’s just something undeniably fun about seeing the actual ocean while the ship’s crew and the show’s guest stars go through the motions. It’s a reminder that we live on a beautiful planet and we should all make the effort to go out and see some of it.

The fourth season’s location shoot followed the boat as it sailed from the Virgin Islands to Los Angeles, with stops in Curacao, Venezuela, and Panama. Along with all of the usual romance and laughs, this episode is a bit of a travelogue as Gopher, Julie, and the Captain all take their turn telling the passengers about the history of where they are sailing. Isaac even gets into the act, pointing out the Virgin Islands to Doc Bricker. (Being the walking HR nightmare that he is, Bricker can’t hear that name without making a comment about it.) For a history and travel nerd like me, that was enough to make this episode fun.

As for the storylines, it was typical Love Boat silliness. Promoter Larry Evans (Darren McGavin) is promoting a contest in which 50 engages couples will be married by Captain Stubing in a mass wedding aboard the ship. (It’s kind of like what happens in cults, now that I think about it.) One lucky couple will win money, a house, and a car. Larry boards the ship with his wife, Sheila (Debbie Reynolds) and it quickly becomes apparent that their marriage is struggling, despite the happy facade that Larry attempts to put up. When Larry’s plan for a network television special falls through, he’s offered a bribe by one of the engaged couples. When Sheila learns that Larry is considering taking the bribe, she announces that she wants a divorce and then starts spending a lot of time with Captain Stubing. Again, Vicki gets her hopes up that she’ll soon have a stepmother.

Meanwhile, Carl Lawrence (Peter Graves) boards the ship to try to keep his son, Ted (Brian Kerwin), from rushing into a marriage with Carrie (Erin Moran). Meanwhile, Carrie’s mother, Mary Ann (Kathie Browne), boards to keep Carrie from rushing into a marriage with Ted. Carl and Mary Ann are eager to work together to keep this wedding from happening. But then Carl and Mary Ann fall in love and start planning a rushed wedding of their own. “Are we hypocrites?” Carl wonders. Yes, you are. But you’re also Peter Graves so you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Tom McMann (Ted Knight) and Mary Hubble (Rue McClanahan) have been engaged for ten years. Mary fears that Tom won’t go actually go through with the wedding and Tom suddenly finds himself unable to say the words, “I do.” Can Isaac help them out?

Marv Prine (Don Most), who previously sailed on last season’s Alaskan cruise, boards as the best man for the wedding of his friend Brian (Lloyd Alan) and Emily (Charlene Tilton). However, Brian decides he’d rather run off with an old girlfriend and he leaves it to Marv to break the news to Emily. Marv can’t bring himself to do it so he keeps making excuses and promising Emily that Brian will meet them at the next port. Marv falls in love with Emily but suddenly, Brian shows up. When he finds out that Marv didn’t tell Emily the truth about him standing her up, Brian decides to go ahead with the wedding. Emily becomes convinced that Marv was trying to steal her away from Brian but then she finds a receipt from a cheap hotel and she realizes the truth. “You’re not a man,” Julie tells Brian. WAY TO GO, JULIE!

Finally, the Captain assigns Doc Bricker the task of judging the couples contest. Doc thinks that it sounds tedious so he passes the job onto Gopher. However, when Doc sees that the other two judges are Valerie (Dawn Wells) and Rena (Ann Jillian), he conspires to take Gopher’s place. While docked at Curacao, Doc sends Gopher assure to pick up some medical supplies. Gopher, of course, walks up to a cop and asks for help finding “the drugs.” When the cop doesn’t understand, Gopher says, “I want to buy drugs.” Long story short, Gopher ends up in jail and the ship sails off without him.

Wow, that’s a lot to deal with! But don’t worry it all works out.

Gopher meets a Spanish diplomat’s daughter and is not only freed from jail but he also gets a girlfriend and a limo for his trouble. When the ship docks in Los Angeles, Valerie and Rena abandon Doc so that they can take a ride in Gopher’s new limo.

Larry does not take the bribe and saves his marriage.

Everyone else gets married.

Yay! A happy ending! Except, of course, for Vicki, who thought she was going to get a stepmother. But don’t worry, Vicki. There’s still 6 more seasons to go.

This was a fun episode. It made me want to take a cruise. Interestingly enough, this is also a prophetic episode. A cruise for engaged couples in which one couple wins a big prize? Today, there’s not a network around that would pass on that.

See? The Love Boat knew exactly where America sailing.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/4/24 — 2/10/24

Posted on February 10, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

You would think that, being stuck on the couch with an injured ankle, I would have watched a lot of television this week. I didn’t. Instead, I barely turned on the TV. Instead, I spent most of my time listening to music and wondering if this year is going to continue in a sucky direction or if its going to redeem itself.

Here’s a few thoughts on what little I did watch:

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

Abbott Elementary, the most acclaimed sitcom on network TV, started its 3rd season this week with a special hour-long episode in which Janine left her teaching job and took a job with the school district. Meanwhile, her relationship with Gregory continued to be awkward, Barbara continued to be the voice of wisdom, Ava briefly tried to be a good principle before returning to her old ways, and Melissa broke up with her latest boyfriend. And, of course, Career Day was a disaster.

The premiere had its amusing moments but …. I don’t know. Something felt a bit off to me. I’m not really sure I like the idea of Janine working for the school district. It seems like one of those storylines that is just going to be dragged out for way too long and, even worse, it feels like it was mostly included so the show could find another excuse to keep Janine and Gregory from getting together. Gregory’s social awkwardness, which was so likable during the previous two seasons, is starting to feel a bit old now. You’ve been at the school for three years, dude! YOU CAN SMILE! On the plus side, quarterback Jalen Hurts was good playing himself. (“My boundaries are extremely porous.’) We’ll see how things go with the rest of the season. I have faith in Abbott.

Check it Out (Tubi)

I re-watched last week’s episode Check It Out! earlier today. My review should be dropping soon.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

It was a good episode this week. Nolan Price got his conviction but at the cost of giving immunity to one of the sleaziest characters to ever appear on the show. That led to another recriminating glare from Maroun. As for the cops are concerned, I’m liking the laid-back vibe that Reid Scott is bringing to his role. Until this season started, I never realized how nervous I would get whenever I had to watch any scene featuring Jeffrey Donavon as the ultra-intense Cosgrove. With Reid Scott, I feel like I can actually breathe.

Snub (Night Flight Plus)

This was a BBC music show from the 80s, featuring independent British bands. I watched an episode on Friday night, featuring a bunch of British rappers. It was okay. For the most part, I liked the no-nonsense, no apologies attitude of the hosts. They were British, working class, and proud of it.

Watched and reviewed elsewhere:

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.1 “Sergeant Bull/Friends and Lovers/Miss Mother”

Posted on February 7, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, come aboard for season 4!

Episode 4.1 “Sergeant Bull/Friends and Lovers/Miss Mother”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on October 25th, 1980)

Well, it’s time for the fourth season of The Love Boat and let’s see who is going to be taking a cruise this week….

Hey, we know that guy!

Yes, it’s a young Tom Hanks, making one of his first television appearances on The Love Boat. Tom had a sitcom coming out so ABC decided to promote the then-unknown actor by giving him a guest role on one of their most popular series.

Who does Tom play? He plays a complete a total douchebag named Rick Martin, a former fraternity brother of Gopher’s who enjoys giving Gopher a hard time about his reputation for being “Strike-Out Smith.” Rick makes Gopher feel so uncomfortable that Gopher impulsively claims that Julie is his girlfriend. Julie plays along with Gopher. This not only leads to sleazy Rick trying to steal Julie away from Gopher but it also causes Julie and Gopher to have real feelings for each other.

Yes, it is interesting to watch Tom Hanks play a sleaze but what is even more interesting, for longtime watchers of the show, is that Julie and Gopher make a surprisingly credible couple. They actually do have a very likable chemistry together and it never seems improbable that they might end up together. Of course, in the end, they decide to just stay friends because anything else would have upset the balance of the show.

Tom’s presence overshadows the rest of the show but there are two other stories to deal with. Vic Tayback plays a former dill sergeant who reunites with his former recruits (Nipsey Russell, Harvey Lembeck, and Jack Somack) and who turns out to still be such a hardass that they bribe their cabin stewardess (Doris Roberts) to pursue a romance with him. Of course, the two of them fall in love for real. This was all a bit silly and Tayback’s drill sergeant was a bit annoying but it was nice to see him drop his guard around Doris Roberts and admit that he was only acting like a drill sergeant because that was all he had ever been.

Finally, Gwen Hutchins (Shelley Smith) boards the boat and tells Doc Bricker that she is two-months pregnant.

“Your husband must be very proud!” Doc replies, without missing a beat.

No, Gwen explains, she’s not married. Once again, we are reminded that Doc is a walking HR nightmare.

Anyway, Gwen falls for a guy named Dennis (Dennis Cole) but she worries how Dennis will react to learning that she’s pregnant. At first, Dennis does not react well, even asking her if she considered getting an abortion. (She explains that she doesn’t support abortion, which definitely would not fly if this episode were made today.) It all works out in the end but, seriously, I think she deserves better than Dennis. Dennis Cole is an actor who I have seen in quite a few of these shows and he always seem kind of lost. That was certainly the vibe that he gave off here.

This was an entertaining-enough episode, though almost all of the credit for that goes to the presence of Tom Hanks and the likable chemistry between Fred Grandy and Lauren Tewes. It was definitely a good way to start off the fourth season.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/28/24 — 2/3/24

Posted on February 3, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This previous week …. bleh. Let’s just take a look at what I watched.

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

Eh. I’m pretty lukewarm on the new bachelor. He seems like a nice guy but he’s kind of boring.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I reviewed Baywatch Nights here!

Check it Out (Tubi)

I’m running behind but I’ll have a review of this week’s episode up sometime on Sunday.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I reviewed CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I reviewed Degrassi here!

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I reviewed Fantasy Island here!

Football (Sunday)

Did I watched two football games on Sunday? According to my notes, Jeff and I watched two playoff games but I’ll be darned if I can tell you a dang thing about either one of them.

Friday the 13th (YouTube)

I’m running behind but I’ll have a review of this week’s episode up sometime on Sunday.

Happy Hour (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this old 90s game show on Saturday morning. Dweezil and Ahmet Zappa asked bizarre questions to celebrities. Dweezil was cool but Ahmet was like the hyperactive cousin that no one wants to deal with at the family reunion. Amongst the celebrities were Chuck Woolery, Alexandra Paul, Patton Oswalt, and that “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble” ring announcer dude.

Highway to Heaven (Freevee)

I wrote about this week’s episode here!

Judge Dad (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Judge Dad dealt with a woman who claimed her Canadian husband only married her for a visa. Judge Dad interrupted the show so he could do a commercial for some sort of special food delivery system. I followed this episode with an episode in which Judge Dad admonished a man for slashing his ex’s tires. Both episodes featured the same disclosure. Judge Dad is not a lawyer and the cases are fiction.

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

I got caught up with the first three episodes of the new season this week. I am really impressed by Reid Scott, who is this season’s newest cast member. He and Mehcad Brooks are working well together and Brooks, for his part, is no longer quite as stiff as he was the previous season. Sam Waterston, bless him, is obviously not in the best of health and I really hope he retires after this season and enjoys life. So far, Nolan Price appears to have mellowed out, especially when compared to previous two seasons. But what has happened to Maroun? She was finally showing some sparks of having a personality at the end of the previous season but now, she’s back to being a humorless scold who wears too much lipstick.

The first three episodes of the new season were all fairly good. I cringe whenever the blue collar cops on Law & Order start talking like MSNC pundits (and I still laugh whenever I remember last season’s “Did you all see Morning Joe?”). Law & Order will probably never be the beacon of quality that it once was but this season is off to a good start.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I reviewed the third season finale here!

Miami Vice (Tubi)

I reviewed Miami Vice here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

Sally talked to women who felt their marriage were in trouble. All of the husband were total deadbeats. One guy came out on stage wearing his uniform from McDonald’s. I’m sure the bosses were really happy about that.

So Here’s What Happened (YouTube)

I wrote about this obscure pilot here!

Square Pegs (YouTube)

This was a sitcom from the early 80s, about two girls trying to be popular in high school. I watched the pilot on Friday night and I smiled a few times. Trying to fit in is a timeless subject. One of the girls was played by Sarah Jessica Parker, who I love because, like me, she’s a part of the Big Nose Crew. BNC FOREVER!

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about it here!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.28 “No Girls for Doc/Marriage of Convenience/The Caller/The Witness”

Posted on January 31, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the third season of The Love Boat comes to a conclusion with an extra-long episode!

Episode 3.28 “No Girls for Doc/Marriage of Convenience/The Caller/The Witness”

(Dir by Gordon Farr and Richard Kinon, originally aired on May 3rd, 1980)

The finale of The Love Boat‘s third season features stage legend and two-time Oscar winner, Helen Hayes. Hayes was considered to be such a big “get” for the show that she receives the zoom lens treatment when she steps onto the ship and all of the action seems to stop for a few minutes, presumably so the audience at home can give her a standing ovation.

Personally, I think Helen Hayes was pretty cool. Along with being a hell of an actress (one whose career extended for over six decades), she was also the wife of Charles MacArthur, an acquaintance of the Algonquin round table, an outspoken Republican, a strong supporter of many charities, and a major benefactor of the Helen Hayes Hospital, a rehabilitation clinic in New York that has made major strides in treating physical disabilities. To say that there are people in the world who can walk because of Helen Hayes is not hyperbole.

That said, Helen Hayes’s story is the dullest one on this cruise. It’s not Hayes’s fault. She is her usual outspoken and likable self. It’s just the storyline itself doesn’t offer up much in the way of drama or comedy. Hayes plays Agatha Winslow, a widow who was married to a friend of Stubing’s. Stubing asks Julie to set Agatha up with someone but then they see Agatha hugging a younger man and Julie says that it won’t be necessary.

AGCK! I HOPE NOT! The younger man is played Helen Hayes’s son, James MacArthur!

No worries. MacArthur is playing Scott Burgess, who is Agatha’s nephew. Scott is a member of the protestant clergy who has never married because he feels that he has to take care of Agatha. Scott and Beatrice Dale (Mildred Natwick) hope that Agatha will fall in love with and marry Beatrice’s brother, a businessman named Hollister (Maurice Evans). Hollister owns a carpet company and he spends most of the episode look down at and commenting on the quality of the ship’s floor. Agatha does not marry Hollister but she does realize that it’s time for her to move on and live her own life. It’s all very pleasant but not very extremely interesting.

Far more interesting is the story of Gail Padgett (Christopher Norris), a woman who is boarding the ship because she needs to get away from her landline phone. As she explains to Julie, someone has been calling and harassing her for months. At no point does Julie suggest what I would suggest, which is that Gail should call the cops. Indeed, when Gail starts to get calls on the boat, Julie never suggests calling the police or going to the captain or anything else. Instead, Gail tells her stalker that she’ll meet him at the Pirate’s Cove Bar. She tells Julie that she has a plan to humiliate him. And again, you would think Julie might say, “How about we just arrest him when he comes in the bar?” But instead, Julie smiles. It’s the Love Boat! No one is murdered on The Love Boat! (Not yet, anyway.)

Gail’s stalker is a nerdy fellow named Melvin, who is played by a young Martin Short. Before Melvin can arrive, Gail is approached by Jack Stander (Larry Breeding). “Hi, I’m Robert Redford,” Jack says before admitting that he’s not Robert Redford and that he spent hours coming up with that opening line. Thinking that Jack is her stalker, Gail takes Jack to her cabin where she get him to undress and then tosses all of his clothes out the porthole. So now, Gail has not only flirted with and then stood up her stalker but she’s also committed theft. WAY TO GO, GAIL!

Anyway, Gail eventually realizes that Jack is not her stalker and they fall in love. Melvin is eventually revealed to be the caller but everyone laughs it off because he’s so nerdy. (Because we all know how harmless nerdy stalkers are….) This was a really weird story but, despite the stupidity of their characters, Christopher Norris and Larry Breeding made for a cute, likably vapid couple.

Maybe Gail should have gone to Wayne Dobson (Larry Wilcox) for help. Wayne is an uptight assistant D.A. who has spent the last two months in a hotel room with Pat Bigelow (Catherine Bach), a witness to a crime who is in protective custody. Even when Pat boards the cruise, Wayne has to come with her and stay in an adjoining cabin. Pat is annoyed but she understand that Wayne is just doing his job.

However, Wayne has fallen in love with Pat and he is upset to receive a telegram saying that the crooks have decided to plead guilty and that Pat can be released from protective custody. Isaac, who was perhaps a bit too excited when he earlier thought Wayne was a male gigolo who was being paid to escort Pat, suggests that Wayne just lie and not let Pat know that her life is no longer in danger. Wayne agrees and Isaac takes Wayne off to give him a makeover that will be so impressive that Pat will fall in love with him and reject notorious Love Boat lothario Mark Bridges (John McCook).

(Of course, any relationship that Wayne and Pat could ever have would be built on lies but whatever….)

Pat does fall for Wayne, though less because of the makeover and more because Wayne finally stops being so uptight. She’s a bit miffed when she finds out that Wayne has been lying to her but she forgives him easily because this is The Love Boat.

Finally, after a night of skinny dipping leads to him losing his clothes and money, Doc announces that he’s through with women. (And again, it doesn’t seem to occur to anyone that maybe Doc should call the police.) That should be a relief to the crew because Doc really is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Instead, they takes bets on how long it will take Doc to go back on his word. It doesn’t take long. Any story that centered around Doc being a Casanova just felt silly. Bernie Kopell was likable as Doc but he was also a bit too naturally mild-mannered to be believable as a legendary lothario.

And so ends the third season of The Love Boat. Vicki is now firmly a member of the crew. Julie has given up on finding love. Isaac and Gopher are as silly as ever. And Doc is going to get the cruise line sued. The 90-minute finale was a bit overextended and had some weak story elements but, overall, the third season was a lot of fun.

Next week …. SEASON 4!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/21/24 — 1/27/24

Posted on January 27, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week!

Acting Sheriff (YouTube)

I wrote about Acting Sheriff here!

The Bachelor (Monday Night, ABC)

A new season of The Bachelor started this week. After skipping the previous few installments of this franchise, I did watch the first episode of the latest season. The new bachelor is kind of dull but I enjoyed seeing the mansion and all of the clothes. Jesse is kind of a boring host. The Bachelor hasn’t been fun since Chris Harrison was fired for upsetting the online horde.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

My review of Check It Out may be an hour or two late this week. It’s been a busy day.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Couples Court With The Cutlers (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which the Cutlers talked to a woman who was accused of cheating on her fiancée with her husband. What? Yes, it was confusing and silly and the fact that the fiancée had a high-pitched, cartoon character voice did not help matters. This was one of those episodes where they brought in the “voice analysist” to determine who was lying. Considering that everyone on the show had a terrible voice, I did not envy the analysist. That said, I also have a hard time understanding how voice analysis can be used in the place of a polygraph. Anyway, no one was cheating according to their voices.

I followed this up with an episode in which a husband accused his wife of cheating because of muddy footprints that he found in his home. The wife was not cheating and the husband was a bit of a paranoid freak.

Later, I watched an episode in which a man felt that his wife was cheating on him because she was no longer wearing sexy underwear around him, despite the fact that he kept finding brand new thongs in the laundry. The lie detector indicated that she was indeed cheating. The wife, at one point, said that she felt like she was “starring in a romantic comedy with Will Smith.”

Then, tonight, I watched an episode in which a woman thought her much older husband was cheating on her with her best friend because she found her friend in their bed. Fortunately, it turned out that the husband was faithful and the best friend was just a blackout drunk.

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Extended Family (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I had no interest in watching this show but I was watching Peacock on Wednesday night and I was too lazy to switch to another streaming service when the show automatically started. Jon Cryer plays a divorced father in Boston who is still friends with his ex-wife and her new fiancé. Why is everything always set in Boston? Seriously, who care about freaking Boston?

Anyway, I was so lazy that I ended up watching the first two episodes and they were both pretty dire. The “created by Mike O’Malley” credit card explained why. Cryer, our beloved Duckie, is even more pathetic here than he was as wimpy Alan on Two and a Half Men. (Disclaimer: I think I’ve seen like five episodes of Two and A Half Men, maybe six.) It’s sad to think that NBC has gone from The Office to Night Court/Extended Family.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, Fox)

I was so happy Ryan won! This was one of Hell’s Kitchen’s best seasons. While Big Brother, Survivor, and even The Amazing Race have struggled to remain relevant in our new, post-COVID age, Hell’s Kitchen succeeds by not messing with what works.

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Judge Dad (YouTube)

I watched two episodes of this courtroom show on Monday. The very slow-talking judge heard a case about a woman who wanted another woman to pay for her $900 Prada dress. The second case involved a woman who felt that her ex owed her some sort of compensation for giving her COVID. The second case bothered me because the judge’s ruling didn’t seem to follow any sort of legal precedent. I then noticed a disclaimer that stated that 1) Judge Dad was not a legal expert but just some guy making his own decisions and 2) the litigants were actors and the cases were all fictional.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which a tenant sued her landlord for setting up spy cameras in her apartment and “recording me in my lingerie.” Judge Dad was particularly upset by this case. “I feel like you are my daughter!” he thundered, “You must make better decision about where you live!” The landlord was really, really sleazy and disgusting but again, the whole thing was fictional so …. yeah.

Judge Mom (YouTube)

On Wednesday, I watched an episode of Judge Dad‘s companion series, Judge Mom. A young comic book artist accused an older artist of stealing his ideas. Judge Mom found in favor of the younger artist. Just as with Judge Dad, the episode ended with a disclaimed that “Judge Mom is not a legal expert” and the case was fictional. The acting on Judge Mom was far less convincing than the acting on Judge Dad.

It was just bad enough that I had to watch a second episode. This one featured a set of parents suing a little league team for “firing” their son from the team. Judge Mom was offended by how petty all of the adults were. Little league is supposed to be about the kids! You tell ’em, Judge Mom!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Tubi)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

It’s weird. This is a badly conceived show that rarely even makes me smile and yet it’s something that I find myself watching on Peacock whenever I’m bored and I don’t have time to watch anything that runs longer than 21 minutes. I don’t know why this is, because I really don’t care much for the show and it’s only gotten worse in its second season. I think the problem is that Abby Stone is way too naive to be a judge and her nonstop enthusiasm can be a bit hard to take. For instance, this week’s episode featured her still trying to get over breaking up with her boyfriend and obsessing over her inability to get a date. That story had comedic potential but seriously, Abby’s a judge. IN NEW YORK CITY! Toughen up!

Paternity Court (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Monday. Fortunately, the former army officer who had just returned from deployment was the father.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 3.27 “Invisible Maniac/September Song/Peekaboo”

Posted on January 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, The Love Boat has a very special passengers!

Episode 3.27 “Invisible Maniac/September Song/Peekaboo”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on April 19th, 1980)

This week, the pop cultural stars align as a young David Hasselhoff boards the Love Boat!

Hasselhoff plays Tom Bell, a 20-something attorney who is dating a 30-something attorney named Cathy (Shelley Fabares). Cathy insists that they keep their romance a secret due to the age difference. She doesn’t want people to think that she’s a cradle robber or an older woman with a gigolo. (Cathy might also want to consider that she’s a senior partner at the firm while Tom is just a junior partner.) Tom doesn’t care about the age difference. In fact, he wants to marry Cathy!

And yes, they do eventually get married. Tom even has his grandparents waiting for them when the boat docks in Los Angeles so that they can act as witnesses. There’s not really any suspense as to whether or not Tom and Cathy will end up married because this is The Love Boat, the show that combined the swinging culture of the 70s with the morality of the 50s. The Hoff is his usual dramatic but self-aware self while Shelley Fabares is endlessly likable. They’re a cute couple and, minor age difference aside, they just look like they belong together. It was a sweet story.

As for the other passengers:

Fay Piermont (Peggy Cass) is married to Bill (Gordon Jump). Bill’s a nice guy but Fay fears that they’ve become a boring couple. She wants to be an exciting couple and she’s figured out that the way to do this is to get a makeover, buy a new wardrobe, and then toss her glasses and all of her frumpy clothes overboard. (At first, both Julie and Vicki are worried that Fay is planning on throwing herself overboard. One would think that would be cause for ship-wide alarm but Julie and Vicki just check on Fay occasionally to make sure she’s still alive.) At first, Bill is freaked out by Fay’s new attitude but, eventually, he comes to accept it and Fay comes to realize that she loves Bill, even if he is a bit reserved. This is the type of story that The Love Boat did frequently. Fay and Bill are a nice couple, even if they’re no Tom and Cathy.

Finally, Isaac is reunited with a former high school classmate, a model named Janet (BernNadette Stanis). Janet is upset that her husband (Clifton Davis) is more into sports than romance so she tries to make him jealous by lying about what a womanizer Isaac was in high school. Gopher overhears and tells Isaac that Janet referred to him as being “all hands” in high school. Now, most people would understand that Janet was just trying to make her husband jealous but Isaac somehow becomes convinced that he is a womanizer but he just can’t remember his actions because he suffers from dissociative identity disorder and he even goes to Doc Bricker for help! Why would Isaac believe that? It makes no sense that Isaac — cool, calm Isaac — would suddenly be so stupid. This is something that would happen to Gopher not Isaac.

That one silly storyline aside, this was a pleasant cruise on The Love Boat. I’m glad things worked out for Tom and Cathy. Seriously, the world is so lucky to have The Hoff.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 1/14/24 — 1/20/24

Posted on January 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I am typing this post on a new laptop. Woo hoo!

Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week:

American Nightmare (Netflix)

This was a disturbing, 3-part docuseries about a woman who was kidnapped and raped and then put on trial by the police and the media, all of whom seemed to be determined to prove that she was a real life “gone girl.” This series was just infuriating to watch and everyone who nearly allowed Matthew Muller to get away with his crimes should be ashamed of themselves.

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Check It Out (Tubi)

I need to write a review about this week’s episode so I guess I better get on that.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Couples Court With The Cutlers (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched an episode in which a man was concerned that his much younger girlfriend was cheating on him with another woman. She confessed, while being interrogated by a former military interrogator, that he was correct. The Cutlers were there to help this couple through the drama.

On Saturday, I discovered an entire YouTube channel dedicated to Couples Court so I probably won’t get anything accomplished for the first half of 2024.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Hell’s Kitchen (Thursday Night, FOX)

On Monday morning, as I shivered in the living room, I got caught up on Hell’s Kitchen and watched the first Black Jacket Service. What a disaster that turned out to be! I felt bad for Jonathan, who did not react well to Chef Ramsay taunting him about how much he drank before dinner service. Jonathan had a point, in that Ramsay really was kind of making it personal. At this point, I think the final two will be Ryan and Sammi. I’m Team Ryan all the way!

On Thursday, I cheered as Ryan and Sammi made it to the final three. I probably would have kept Carmen and sent Jonathan home but I can understand Ramsay’s logic. Jonathan had more experience than Carmen and Carmen did struggle early on in the season.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

Miami Vice (Tubi)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Maury (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode with DNA results. All of the episodes of Maury to blend together, which I guess is the appeal of them. They demand very little on the part of the viewers.

Monsters (Tubi)

I wrote about Monsters here!

Night Court (Tuesday Night, NBC)

I was actually bored enough on Wednesday to watch the first four episodes of this show’s second season. While the ensemble seems to be gelling a bit better than they did during the first season, Night Court just isn’t that funny. Every joke sounds like it’s been sitting in some writer’s idea drawer since 2005.

Poochinski (YouTube)

I wrote about Poochinski here!

Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Steve talked to a pregnant 17 year-old. She thought her boyfriend was 25. It turned out he was 38! Needless to say, Steve kicked him off the stage while the audience chanted Steve’s name.

On Thursday, I watched an episode about threesomes that led to pregnancies. The audience loved it but Steve seemed to be disappointed by everyone on his stage.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!