Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Malibu CA continues to be the worst TV show that I’ve ever reviewed for this site.  Considering that I previously reviewed both City Guys and One World, that’s saying something.

Episode 1.4 “The Classic Car”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 1st, 1988)

Summer forever…. the show’s opening theme song reminds us as we, the viewers, are invited to suffer through another 30 minute tour of Jason and Scott’s life.

Scott and Sam are working together to restore a classic old car.  This panics Jason because he likes Sam.  This panics Stads because she likes Scott.  It doesn’t panic Sam because she has absolutely zero personality and her interests are apparently determined solely by the needs of the script.

When they learn that Scott and Sam will be going to a car show, Jason and Stads decide to trick Scott and Sam into thinking the car has been stolen.  However, Scott and Sam figure out what Jason and Stads are planning so they decide to make it look like the car has been stolen for real.  What?  How is that clever?  They’re just ripping off someone else’s scheme.

Jason and Stads panic until Scott reveals the truth.  He also says that Sam can’t go to the car show so all that panic was for nothing.  Jason and Stads laugh and then share a kiss.  “Wooooo!” the audience says.

Meanwhile, Peter tries to teach Murray how to be a businessman.  Murray, the fabulously wealthy son of an oil magnate, has apparently never had a business lesson before and was allowing people to rent surfboards in return for shells.  So, how exactly was the Surf Shack staying open to begin with?  And since when does Peter care about money?  I thought Peter was supposed to be some sort of middle-aged Zen guy.

Ugh, this episode.  Imagine Saved By The Bell or California Dreams without the charm of a Slater or a Sly Winkle and you’ve got Malibu CA.  In the previous episodes, Scott was the nerdy brother and Jason was the cool one.  Now, with this episode, Jason is suddenly nerdy and Scott is the big handsome lug who is detailing old cars.  Not even the show’s writers can keep track of who is supposed to be who.  If Jason and Scott are both idiots, Sam is just incredibly boring and the idea that she’s the character that everyone is supposed to be in love with just shows how shallow-minded this show really was.  Even Hang Time was willing to admit that guys could like girls other than Julie.  At the end of this episode, Jason and Stads hook up but Stads deserves not only a better man but also a better nickname.

Seriously, what a terrible show.